Once Upon a Hogwarts-Chapter Eleven
By Lily in a Pond
Disclaimer: If only I was JK Rowling; I would have so much money, I could buy NBC………
0o0
Hermione was in her NEWT Transfiguration class when they struck.
A split second before it happened, Hermione had happened to glance at Blaise Zabini. The next thing she knew, she was covered from head to toe with whipped cream, melted ice cream, and chocolate syrup.
So was everyone else, including Professor Jocular.
I have to hand it to them, Hermione thought. It takes a lot of gut to do that to a teacher and enchant ravens and snakes to make them dance and completely ignore Professor McGonagall. Okay, fine, Hermione admitted. They probably have just as much gut as Fred and George.
Behind the whipped cream covered class, Blaise and Mandy Brocklehurst snickered and moved stealthily out of the door, wands in hand.
POP. In another second, cherries appeared on everyone's heads, accompanied with the sprinkling of nuts.
"ZABINI! BROCKLEHURST!"
Oh, yes, Professor Jocular was livid. Whipped cream was dripping from his head, ice cream had somehow got inside his robes, his face was coated with chocolate syrup, and though he didn't know it, the neon colored words, "I go up girls' staircases for fun," were glowing brightly above his head. The words, "Pervert and proud of it," were similarly emblazoned on the back of his robes.
Out of nowhere, Theodore Nott started cackling like a madman.
"Mr. Nott! Please restrain yourself! I'm already having a horribly horrible day, please don't make it worse by ridiculing me!" Jocular practically screamed at Theo, who only laughed harder.
Unable to help herself, Hermione started giggling, and that giggling turned into laughter, and the laughter turned into full-on uncontrollable hysterics.
Following her lead, the class stopped holding in their laughter, and joined Theo, who was currently rolling around on the floor.
"ARGH!" Jocular screamed. In his fury, a wave of magic swept the room and created quite a large hole in the ceiling.
"I think you're paying for that," Anthony Goldstein choked out before dissolving in laughter again.
Jocular sighed and laid his wand flat on his palm. "Find me Mandy Brocklehurst and Blaise Zabini."
His wand immediately rotated west, pointing to the Charms classroom.
"Oh, you're going to be sorry you ever tried to mess with me, you two. Nobody crosses Leonardo Fortitudum Jocular."
And with those words, he swept out of the Transfiguration classroom with a swish of his robes that would have made Professor Snape proud. Of course, the effect was ruined with the whipped cream, ice cream, syrup, cherries, and glowing words.
Hermione was laughing so hard, she failed to notice that a pair of hands had pushed her through the whipped cream covered floor and more closer to Draco Malfoy, who had grudgingly cracked a smile.
Theo noticed this and immediately signaled for everyone to leave the classroom.
As Malfoy continued staring at Hermione, laughing and staring at him staring at her, laughing and staring………………………..he immediately jumped when he heard the door slam closed.
"That's okay, Malfoy, we can just use Alohomora," Hermione giggled out, her fits of laughter slowly dying.
Malfoy instead shook his head. "It won't work, I've already tried that." Hermione immediately stopped laughing. "Jocular must have enchanted the classroom so only students can leave with his permission or when class gets out."
Hermione stared at him. "And how do you know all this?"
He shrugged. "When you sleep in the same room as Blaise Zabini, you will know."
Too true, Hermione silently thought.
"I now know all the passwords to the common rooms, how to get up the girls' dormitories, where the kitchens are located, and some secret passageways," Malfoy continued. "I also know a hidden chamber in the library, what Mandy Brockehurst wears everyday underneath her clothes – " He shuddered after saying this. " – the way to the Chamber of Secrets, where Potty's beloved Firebolt is hidden in his dormitory, where the Weasel's stash of candy is, and how to provoke all the Hufflepuffs."
"Huh. And just how does Zabini know all this?"
Malfoy shrugged. "He has his ways." Then his eyes immediately widened. "We just had a civilized conversation without any name-calling!"
"It's kind of hard to when you're stuck in whipped cream and chocolate syrup and ice cream," observed Hermione. "And is it just me, or is this mess getting higher and higher?"
"Can't be," Draco said nonchalantly. "Blaise would never drown his best friend in whipped cream and ice cream."
"Okay," Hermione replied. "Now say it like you mean it."
Malfoy sighed, looking resigned. "Fine, he would." Then he started screaming. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE! WE'RE GOING TO DIE! WE'RE GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Shut up, shut up, shut up, Malfoy!" Hermione snapped. "Why don't we just, you know, eat it all up?"
Malfoy ignored her and continued screaming. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE! WE'RE GOING TO DROWN IN WHIPPED CREAM AND ICE CREAM AND THEN MY FAMILY FORTUNE WILL BE SQUANDERED, SQUANDERED, I TELL YOU, BY MY MOTHER! SQUANDERED!"
SPLAT.
The Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Shut-Up-About-Dying-And-His-Money was now temporarily rendered silent. Though, I suppose, anybody who had whipped cream in his eyes, mouth, and directly on his face would be quite silent for a while. And then they would start screaming again.
"Granger! You bi – " ZAP! Malfoy's face mirrored one of shock as he looked down at his butt. "My butt just got shocked!"
"I take it you don't know that all the classrooms are enchanted so that you can't swear badly during class," Hermione said with a self-satisfied smile. "There's just some things, Malfoy, that you won't know unless they've actually happened."
Malfoy scowled deeply at her. "Well, Miss Smarty-Pants, since you know everything, why don't you tell me how we're going to get out of this classroom."
"Simple," Hermione replied. "We wait." Malfoy rolled his eyes.
A few minutes had passed in silence until Malfoy looked around, and commented quietly,
"The whipped cream is getting steadily higher."
Hermione groaned and sat up. "Thanks a lot for reminding me, Malfoy!"
"You're welcome," he sang back.
Hermione rolled her eyes and started digging in the whipped cream.
"What are you doing?" Malfoy asked curiously.
"Looking for my wand. It was still in my bag."
"Oh."
"Mother of Merlin, I can't find my wand. This is like a conspiracy!" Hermione exclaimed. "D'you have yours?"
Malfoy shook his head. "Nope, but I'm sure it's somewhere in this mass of sweetness."
"Urgh," Hermione groaned. "This is all your stupid fault, Malfoy!" she complained.
"How is it my fault?"
"You could've stopped the rampaging twins! Then we wouldn't be in such a mess!"
"Even I can't stop those two when they're together! They're so…………ignorant of everything else around them."
"You got that right," Hermione muttered. Then something struck her as mysterious. "Hey, have you noticed that people have been acting really weird lately, along with Zabini and Mandy?"
Malfoy nodded. "Theo keeps on looking at me funny, and Blaise and Pansy are always spouting rubbish like the promotion of Inter-House Unity."
"Seamus kept on telling me of the whole theory of a fine line between love and hate, Ginny made me try on all the silver and green dresses at Hogsmeade, somebody sent me a snake bracelet, and Harry and Ron keep talking about fairy tales," Hermione ticked off on her fingers.
"Oh yeah, and that Macmillan guy from Hufflepuff told me this weird story at Hogsmeade. And Loony Lovegood gave me this carrot that tells you of your true love," Malfoy reminisced. "It seems like everybody from our year and some below us are plotting to get people together."
"I wonder who those people could be," Hermione mused. "They're most likely seventh years, due to the abundance of seventh years getting in the plan. They should be a boy and a girl," she finished nervously, casting a look at Malfoy.
'Well, it looks like our little Granger is growing up and realizing that there's more to this world than turning in essays and getting perfect scores," Malfoy smirked. Hermione glared at him.
"Don't you think I already know that?"
"No," he answered simply.
"Anyways, they're probably opposites, since all the stuff we just said adds up to that," Hermione continued. "And it sounds like they're pretty popular with all the houses, since people from all the houses are helping."
"Who could it be?" Malfoy looked at Hermione, and she looked back at him. "Who?"
0o0
Harry groaned. "How could they be so thick?" he whispered incredulously to the rest of the LTEA members who also took NEWT Transfigurations. "And Hermione, too! This is shameful to her good name," he said, disappointedly.
Everybody shook their heads sadly in agreement.
"Quiet!" Theo whispered, jabbing the Extendable Ear, which Ron had found in his pocket, further in his ear. "Ouch!"
"Serves you right for being such a bloody bitch of a dictator," Pansy Parkinson muttered darkly.
Everyone snorted quietly, except for Theo, who rolled his eyes.
"No, seriously, be quiet. I can't hear what they're saying."
"Is this broken?" Lisa Turpin asked Ron. "We can't hear anything."
"Well, maybe we can't hear anything because they're not saying anything!" Harry defended Ron.
"Why wouldn't they say anything? They should have plenty of things to say...and do, what with being in a room full of whipped cream, syrup, and cherries!" Theo protested.
"You are sick, Nott," Terry Boot said disgustedly, after realizing what Theo meant.
Pansy shot him a look. "I have to put up with this every day, even when I'm trying to relax by the fire in the Slytherin Common Room!"
"There isn't a fireplace in the Common Room," Morag MacDougal clarified.
Pansy looked confused. "There is a fireplace."
Morag let out a barklike laugh. "Right..."
As everyone, sensing that the comment was the end of the discussion, turned back to their Extendable Ears, silence ensued. After a few minutes -
" - Well, since the Extendable Ear doesn't function right now, let's go to lunch early," Anthony Goldstein suggested.
"Sounds good," agreed Harry.
0o0
Back in the Transfiguration classroom, Hermione and Malfoy gasped simultaneously, each face mirroring the other in sheer horror.
0o0
A/N-And there, is the beginning of romance! Hmm…..wonder what's going happen next now…..?
I'm sure you guys would've figured out what Hermione and Draco just realized. This sure changes the odds……
And yes, I know I said the celebratory duel would be in this chapter, but I felt like this should be given the main focus first and then I would add the duel for humor. So, Chapter twelve would have the duel, I promise!
And my replies to your wonderful reviews…….
White-Pink-Fluffy-Strawberriez - I am so honored to write your favorite chapter in this story! 'Course, I wrote the whole thing, but whatever, praise is praise. And your praise simply sparkles! And your poetry skills far exceed mine. My attempt of a poem is, 'Roses are red, violets are blue, and you are too good to be true.'
Dom-Basher CHAMPION – You are so Google-licious! And I'm not talking about the search engine either! And yes, somebody did say rock candy in Chapter Nine, along with Morag in Chapter Ten. Jocular in whipped cream, syrup, ice cream, cherries, and nuts! (And please don't take this the Theo Nott way…)
serpentine17ice – Yup. There's some details I have to develop, like the Final Battle, which Harry, Ron, Hermione, and more will be starring in.
iMnOtReAlLYcRaZy – Yes, Blaise and Mandy are such interesting characters to work with. Strangely, I feel like Blaise and Mandy are Draco and Hermione, on lots of sugar. I do love Dorky!Harry and Dorky!Ron………and yes, I agree with you on that anger thing Harry has. I mean, come on, he practically spent the entire fifth book being mad!
Additional thanks to dracos-beautygirl, Setsuna-chan09, dragoneyes5000, and pinkicing101!
Don't forget to review!
-Lily in a Pond