Once Upon a Hogwarts-Chapter Thirteen

By Lily in a Pond

Disclaimer: I truly don't own Harry Potter or any of its many related departments (can you believe they even have HP toothpaste?).

Please read and review at the end!

0o0

Hermione and Malfoy broke apart from the kiss and stared in horror at Ginny.

Ginny shrugged. "This is the Astronomy Tower and you guys have been having a secret affair for a few weeks. Right?" she looked at them suspiciously.

"Yes we have!" said Hermione hastily. "We've been secretly……uh…….snogging for a while. And...we...it's good," she finished lamely.

"That's right!" Malfoy exclaimed loudly, coming to her rescue. "Hermione and I are going out!" he repeated loudly, emphasizing the words.

As Ginny turned away to check if Michael Corner was flying in their direction, Hermione smacked her forehead and proceeded to shriek silently. Next to her, Malfoy was having the same reaction.

"D'you think we could transfigure a rock into a Bludger and have it tail Corner? It wouldn't be all that difficult..."

Hermione sighed. "Ginny, that wouldn't be fair to the team's practice."

"What is fair, Hermione? Fair is dancing with bunnies and singing with birds. Only Hufflepuffs do that."

"Too true," Malfoy cut in.

"And that is why they've never won a match," Ginny continued. "Except for the one that Harry purposely lost to them in his third year," she sniffed arrogantly.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"Why is Mandy Brocklehurst doing aerial tricks with her broom?" Malfoy suddenly said, leaning over the side of the tower dangerously.

Hermione peered over the edge of the tower.

"I can see you!" Mandy suddenly yelled to them, shaking her fist in the air. "You little Peeping Toms, you think you can mess with a team that has Mandy Brocklehurst as captain!"

"Davies was a better captain...pity he left," commented Ginny as they ducked when a jet of purple light shot from Mandy's wand to the tower and lightly scorched her red hair. "He actually gave his team a pep talk."

"Mandy has a pep talk," protested Hermione.

"Oh sure, 'Let's go out there and try to look pretty flying' is such a good pep talk," said Malfoy sarcastically.

"You're just jealous because your pep talk is, 'Let's hope Potter dies while we're flying'," Hermione sneered.

"Now now now now!" Ginny shouted. "This is not the conversation of a couple who is supposed to be snogging, who is supposed to be highly turned on by the setting and the other person, and who is supposed to be shagging right now!"

"But………..you're kinda in the same place as us, so we can't do any of the stuff you just said we should be doing," said Hermione slowly.

"Thankfully," Malfoy muttered.

"Well, I'll you two alone then," said Ginny. "Oi, Lisa! Incoming below the Astronomy Tower in five seconds!" Then she jumped off.

Hermione and Malfoy screamed and ran over to the side, which Hermione had just now realized had no protective bars or a railing.

"It's okay! I'm fine! I've done this before!" said Ginny hastily as her head, now floating, appeared again. "I'm on Lisa's broom."

"I'm sorry, but I'm a bit distracted by the floating head," said Malfoy cynically.

Ginny scowled. "Buh-bye Ferret and the future Mrs. Ferret." The floating head disappeared. "And Hermione – " The floating head was back. " – I really don't know what you see in him," she added, shaking her head, which looked rather disturbing, since the shaking head was also floating.

"So……….now we're alone," said Hermione, grimacing at the………suggestiveness of her sentence.

"All alone," Malfoy agreed. "Just the two of us. In the Astronomy Tower, the regular place for kissing and shagging couples. Alone. By ourselves. Deserted. On our own. Isolat – "

"Okay, I get the picture!" Hermione snapped. "We're alone at the Astronomy Tower. You do know that we can just go down the stairs, or jump off the tower like Ginny."

Malfoy smirked. "Yes, well, the Weaslette does have taste. Jumping off a tower is considered a rather attention-getting exit."

"Please! That was scary! I dare you to look into my eyes and tell me that it wasn't scary," Hermione protested.

"Fine. I will." Malfoy fixed her with his most smoldering, sexy gaze, the one that turned girls to jelly, even teachers (...). Hermione was rendered temporarily speechless until her brain came to its senses and made her snap her gaze away from his.

"Well," Hermione said, breathing slightly heavily, "You didn't think it was scary." Hermione wrinkled her nose. "It's really hot out here, isn't it?"

Malfoy sniggered. "It's eight-thirty on an autumn night and your sleeves are rolled up, Granger. What are you, the fires of hell?"

Hermione glared at him. "If I wanted to look at the fires of hell, I would just look at you."

"I'm touched Granger. Didn't know you thought I was hot."

"Didn't know you thought I was hot."

"Fine. We're both hot people. The world must worship our hotness. Bow down to us, normal ugly people."

Hermione swatted him. "Prat."

"Imbecile," he shot down, smoothing his hair back into the 'sexy Draco' look.

"Egotistic."

"Bookworm."

"Ferret."

"Ooh, getting nasty. Mudblood."

"Prick."

"Slutty whore."

"How am I a slutty whore? I haven't even done it. Yet," Hermione added quickly.

"Your shirt is unbuttoned at the first three buttons," Malfoy pointed.

"That's because I was getting all sweaty."

"Well button your shirt back up, woman! I really don't appreciate seeing them."

"Geez, I wonder why? Is it because your pants are becoming really uncomfortable?" Hermione teased, inclining her head to the bulge in Malfoy's pants.

"Will you just please button your shirt up?" Malfoy hissed, looking around. "People could see this and laugh and point at me!"

And as if on cue, Michael Corner flew by and started laughing. "Hey guys! Malfoy's having an erection!" he yelled to the rest of the team.

Malfoy chucked a rock at him and Corner slipped off his broom, a mark visible on his forehead where the rock had hit. "Take that, you fat bastard!"

Hermione rolled her eyes and buttoned her shirt up again. "Ginny should be awfully pleased with this recent turn of events. But seriously, Malfoy, you resort to violence too much. If we want to grow up to be polite, civilized people, we need to start now."

"Easy for you to say," grumbled Malfoy, hands now covering his……area. "You don't have a bone pointing extremely up right now. I'm a miserable little man."

"Yup," Hermione agreed after a drawn-out silence. "You are a miserable little man."

0o0

Daphne Greengrass was absentmindedly stabbing her quill rather ferociously into her Potions book in the library when an enormous bookshelf fell on her. Again.

A small girl with brown hair and brown eyes stepped out from behind the bookshelf. "You can come out now, Melody. She's knocked out," the girl whispered.

Another girl, this one resembling Mandy Brocklehurst with her honey blond hair, hazel eyes, and the same sly look in her eyes, stepped out from behind the bookshelf. "You got the potion?"

"Yup," the other girl clarified. "The Veritaserum's in my pocket."

"You shouldn't have put it there, Diana! Mandy always told me to strap it to your bra so only rapists would get it."

Diana snorted. "Just because Mandy is your cousin doesn't mean you have to be a complete mini-me of her."

"Whatever. At least I don't have Daphne Greengrass as a sister."

"Hey, half-sister. When I become a full-fledged witch, I plan to sever any ties with that bi – er – oh, what the hell? She's a bitch and everyone knows it," pronounced Diana, crossing her arms.

'Fourteen year olds shouldn't swear," frowned Melody. "It makes you look uncivilized."

Diana smirked. "My father was Italian. Italians swear. Maybe frigid English ladies like ickle Daphne don't, but whatever. I'm not a lady."

"Damn right you aren't," Melody agreed. "C'mon, let's get the potion in, she might wake up."

"Ennervate," Diana whispered. "I stole Pansy's textbook and read Chapter Three," she explained. As Daphne started to stir, Diana hurriedly uncorked the tiny vial of Veritaserum and emptied it in Daphne's mouth.

The girls waited a few seconds for the potion to take effect, then Melody pulled out a piece of parchment and read, "What is your full name?"

"Daphne Olivia Greengrass," Daphne intoned, using one voice pitch.

Melody looked quizzically at Diana. "Dog?"

Diana shrugged. "Well, she most certainly is a female dog."

Melody shrugged. "Okay, next. Why did you pretend to be Draco Malfoy's Cinderella girl?"

"Because he was cute."

Diana rolled her eyes. "Typical Daphne."

"Why do you hate Hermione Granger?"

"She's everything I'm not and Draco secretly likes her."

Diana whistled lowly. "This is good."

"What is your secret fear?"

"Pain, death, rejection, breaking a nail, bunnies, snakes, storms, lighting, thunder, ants, insects, poison, lemons, swords, the unknown, roses, electricity, bombardment, tumors, fainting, being sick, sneezing – "

" – So basically, anything the English-speaking world has invented in words," interrupted Diana snidely.

"Next. Are you a lesbian?"

"No."

"So I take it you're straight?" Diana joked.

"No." Diana and Melody both raised their eyebrows.

"Bisexual?"

"No."

"What is she?" Diana whispered, horrified.

Melody took a deep breath. "I'm not asking this question anymore, we might get more information than we wanted."

"Agreed," breathed out Diana.

"What are you going to do in retaliation for Draco breaking up with you?"

"I'm going to torture Hermione Granger and then kill her."

Diana and Melody looked at each other, eyes wide open.

"Why?"

"Because I can."

"A-are you a Death Eater?" Diana whispered, breathing heavily.

"Yes."

0o0

A/N-And the plot thickens even more! (If this keeps going, my plot is going to be thicker than butter)

The answer to the wonderful reviews you have gifted me with!

Zagreb-girl – I certainly hope I'm not going to be a murderess after this chapter…..

Christina A. Malfoy – Throwing rocks is fun. Especially if you flick those tiny pebbles at a person's head and then pretend to be reading a book. They'll be so freaked out after a few more times!

Love Hope Joy – You're in Taiwan now, and there's no point in saying this, but have a nice vacay! And I read your chapters and tried to leave you a review.

Krayola Krayon – I love that line too! I've fallen in love with it ever since I heard in some cowboy movie. Throwing rocks isn't their only pastime. There's also vanishing quills, poking people, and have people freak out about this 'invisible' thing that's poking them.

Dom-Basher CHAMPION – And yes, here is another cliffie. Daphne is a Death Eater! –runs around screaming like a chicken with its head cut off-

Anticlownperson – Ah yes, the announcements were like killing two birds with one stone. Getting rid of Daphne's girlfriend status and making a part humorous. Blaise and Mandy. The classic spirit of attention-seeking, cunning, sly, and ambitious people who have a dominance problem.

White-Pink-Fluffy-Strawberriez – Sometimes those lines are reflected on what I would do in that moment………this shines new light on the word, "Crazy."

amythestpony – Thanks for creating the character! I promise the catfight between Diana and Daphne will be the next chapter.

KyootNShort – Glad to have you back! And that's rather freaky. Listening to "Crush" at same time as reading my chapter ten is quite………….well, freaky. And yes, I never really realized how many references to 'nuts' could be floating out there until my friend Evan and I went out for a coffee. (The conversation did not stay on normal topics) Well, I didn't get the 'order, order' thing from Mulan completely, but I had a basic idea of it there. My cousin influenced me to put it in.

Additional thanks to dragoneyes5000, Setsuna-chan09, Kat, and iMnOtReAlLYcRaZy!

Coffee-laced Firewhiskeys for all!

-Lily in a Pond