Once Upon a Hogwarts - Chapter Eighteen

By Lily in a Pond

Disclaimer: I'm always considering going blonde and adopting a British accent, but that does not mean I'm Jo!

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Blaise Zabini was jerked awake by a pair of hands roughly shaking him the next morning.

"AAAAAAARGH!"

Theodore Nott, looking quite pale and peaky with dark circles under his eyes and tousled hair was looking intensely into Blaise's eyes, not saying anything.

"What the hell are you doing?" Blaise screamed, backing away from Theo as far as possible and clutching his sheets to his chest.

Morag threw an alarm clock in his direction. "Shut it, Blaise, it's four in the morning."

"I needed to talk with you," Theo said quietly.

Blaise opened his mouth and closed it, opened it, and closed it. "And there was no other time for this to happen?"

Theo rolled his eyes. "I was thinking, isn't it suspicious that Draco and Granger just announced that they were going out, as if on the spur of moment, and yet they don't exactly act like a couple who are deeply in love with each other?"

Blaise sighed. "You're telling me this, now?"

"Well, there isn't exactly a perfect time for everything."

"Ugh, can't you just tell me this at breakfast?"

"NO, I have to tell you this now, or I'll forget to tell you this at all."

Blaise sat up. "Since when do you, Theodore Edmund Nott, forget stuff?"

Theo smirked. "I don't. That was just a ruse to get you up and all perky."

"Why, you little – "

Theo put a pillow in Blaise's open mouth.

"Mmph!" Blaise spit some feathers out. "Blech! Swan feathers are disgusting!"

"You've had more than one species of aerial organism in your mouth before?" Theo asked disbelievingly.

Blaise rolled his eyes. "The eagle was on a dare, the swallow was on New Year's and the owl was from Malfoy last year at Christmas."

Theo simply stared.

Blaise sighed. "The word you're looking for is anyways. Anyways…………" he helpfully supplied.

Theo shook his head. "I was just thinking of how………..un-couply……….Draco and Granger seem to be. They don't do any of the stuff normal couples do."

Blaise's eyes lit up. "Oh! You know what would be really cool? If Draco and Hermione made up this whole going out thing just to freak us out and then they would be trapped in a relationship and turn out actually going out for real and then they would have two kids and Hermione would write schoolbooks and Draco would start designing clothes with his mum and they would die of old age, happily together, with their hands intertwined and they would be sent to heaven and look down on the living people and know that some of those living people participated to get them together, but they actually did get together for real and then Draco would leave us some of his fortune as a thank-you and then we'd all be rich and then I could marry Mandy and then we'd have this huge wedding with Draco's money and then we'd shag all day and then we'll have kids and then we'd invent something that would make Muggle stuff function in the Wizarding World and then I'd be so rich and it'll be all because of Draco and then Mandy and I will live happily after ever!" Blaise was lost in his happy picture of his future when Theo tapped him on the shoulder. "Wait, what was I talking about in the beginning?"

Theo groaned and flopped on his bed. "You are impossible," he moaned. "I try telling you something important, and instead, you mock me!"

Blaise shrugged. "Fine by me. I'm going back to sleep."

As Blaise dived under his covers and promptly started snoring, Theo started contemplating aloud who he should talk with about this little problem. "Should I talk to Draco? He's intelligent, but this is actually about him. Hmm………….Crabbe and Goyle? Wait, what am I thinking?" Theo chuckled. "Those two won't comprehend a word I'm saying unless I mention food. Maybe Morag……….…nah, he's too boring."

"I heard that!" Morag yelled from two beds away.

"Oh, sorry that my super-correct monologue has affected your not-so-subconscious slumber," Theo replied sarcastically.

"SILENCIO!" came five different voices from all directions in the dormitory. Theo scowled darkly and pulled the covers over his head.

"Hey," Draco's voice came through Theo's hazy fog of sleep. "I didn't know Crabbe and Goyle could cast Silencing Charms."

"We can," Crabbe replied.

"We practiced all summer," Goyle added.

A few moments later, snores came from the dormitory. The malformed ferret, Dumb and Dumber, the freakish bird-human, the future Mr. Brocklehurst, and the very essence of Hitler were all asleep.

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The future Mrs. Zabini, or Mandy Brocklehurst, as friends know her, slid off her broomstick, a Comet Two Sixty in a rather good condition, and levitated it to a tree. As she turned around and faced the place where tragedy, love, and hope had all happened, she gasped loudly.

What she saw almost made her eyes water. And Mandy had never cried ever since she was eleven and set foot in Hogwarts.

A construction site was building a new house over the ruins of what once was Brocklehurst Manor. A large truck was sweeping away all the rubble, rubble that once used to be the very walls of Mandy's first home.

"Mandy Brocklehurst?" a voice asked.

Mandy stared at the blonde, blue-eyed girl that was waving eagerly at her. "Who are you?"

"I'm Bri Leonard!" the girl said, running over and enthusiastically shaking her hand. "Remember? From school!"

Mandy shook her head. "Er……………..sorry, no."

"Oh, come on! I'm a sixth year in Slytherin! I used to always hang around Pansy when I was younger, remember? I stole all of Umbridge's cat plates?" Clearly, Bri was getting quite frustrated, her hair was coming out of her bun, though it really didn't make much of a difference since her bun was messy originally. "Remember when I got my hair dyed bright yellow last year? People called me Banana Brianna?"

It clicked. Mandy remembered a girl with the most atrocious dyed blonde hair. Banana Brianna, she thought amusedly. Lisa Turpin and I came up with that.

"So…………………..is this going to be your new house?" Mandy asked nonchalantly, airily waving her hand around in the air and flipping her hair.

Bri nodded. "Yeah! It's a wonderful piece of land, it's got vineyards – " Mandy let out a choked gasp. " – and a greenhouse, a pond with swans in it – " Mandy's face started turning a deep shade of pink. " – an huge forest, a tennis court, a big pool, and strangely enough, this really weird chest that no one could open." By now, Mandy's face was completely purple and she started coughing violently. "I say, are you all right?"

"Does it look like I'm all right?" Mandy yelled. "That chest has my father in it!"

"I'll get my talking horse!" Bri shouted. "It can help you!"

Then the two girls looked at each other.

"You have a talking horse?" Mandy asked in disbelief.

"Your father is buried in the secret chest?" Bri asked.

"I won't tell if you won't tell," Mandy offered, sticking her hand out.

"Deal," agreed Bri, shaking it.

Then they both went on their separate ways, never looking back, and pretending that this encounter had never happened.

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"Morag…………I sense a troubled area around you," Luna Lovegood said dreamily as she passed him and Theo on their way to Charms. "You're wondering about something……….something important…………."

Morag turned around. "I'm not troubled," he said defensively.

Luna smiled serenely. "Learning to accept yourself and the things around you is part of what life is."

"So that's the meaning of life?"

"The meaning of life is revealed to you only when you've finally embraced your deepest desires."

"What a load of rubbish!" Theo commented acidly.

Luna suddenly slapped Theo. Hard. (You could actually hear a whip in the air before it made a crack on Theo's cheek.) "There was a bug on your cheek," she replied sweetly.

Theo turned and stalked off angrily as Morag started laughing loudly.

"So no one in Slytherin's gonna listen to me about Draco and Granger's weird behavior, huh? I'll find other faithful minions," he snarled, rubbing his cheek. Damn it, he thought irritably. Loony Lovegood lives in another universe, but she sure can slap you hard into reality.

"Oy! Patil!" he yelled, seeing a flash of long, plaited hair disappear around a corner, ignoring the startled glances of people who, surprised at this display of Inter-House Unity, gaped openly. "I need to talk with you!"

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There was an uncomfortable silence as Mandy and Bri sat near a brook, staring determinedly ahead and not moving.

"So……………." Bri began. "You father's in that chest, huh?"

Mandy scowled and turned her head slightly to the side. "Yes," she managed between gritted teeth. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like to stop talking about this subject because it is very painful for me, and by "I would like", I mean "I am forcing you" and by "painful", I mean "the most excruciating pain you can ever imagine including being put under the Cruciatus seven times in a row."

Bri gulped and laughed nervously. "Any more hidden meanings I should know?"

Mandy looked thoughtful. "Well, actually, there is one more. If I ever say, "Run and don't ever look back," I mean "We're under attack and I'd prefer if you got hit while you weren't looking instead of me getting hit."

Bri nodded. "Gotcha."

There was more silence for a few minutes until –

"D'you want to see your father's chest?"

"Absolutely," Mandy replied, jumping to her feet and sprinting off towards the construction site.

"Wait!" Bri called. "You don't know where the chest is!"

"My heart will guide me to my father!" Mandy yelled. "Our hearts are interlinked! He will always be with me!"

A few minutes later, Mandy scowled and said,

"Well? Where is he?"

"In the broom cupboard," Bri sighed, dragging Mandy off. "C'mon, compass, let's go."

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Hermione was in the library, studying for the Transfigurations test no one in Gryffindor seemed to care about, when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Hermione jumped about three feet in response.

Draco Malfoy was looking at her in a peculiar way.

"May I help you?" Hermione asked, congratulating herself for using correct grammar, once again.

"Yeah," Draco replied nervously. "Uh…………..well, you know, about the whole helping thing……………erm……………..well, I would expect that you, Granger, know something about attraction……………….and the likes of it…………."

Hermione nodded slowly. "Go on………………."

Draco scratched his head. "Well………………….okay, here, imagine there are two animals……….say one is a beaver……………and the other is a……………….ferret."

"Continue," Hermione said, smiling as she realized where this was going.

"Well…………..say the ferret likes the beaver………………..a lot………………..you know, he'll probably………you know…………………..tell her his feelings…………….?"

Hermione grinned. "Ah," she said, "Ah."

"Ah……………..?"

"Well, for starters, I would just like to say that there is no way in heaven or hell that the ferret would like a buck-toothed beaver unless the buck-toothed beaver was actually a cuddly otter. Second, I think that the ferret should just confess that he likes the buck-toothed beaver turned cuddly otter and then the buck-toothed beaver turned cuddly otter will say that she reciprocates the ferret's feelings and that she thinks the ferret is very cute and cuddly and huggable." Hermione turned back to her work. "The buck-toothed beaver turned cuddly otter would also probably ask the most devilishly cute ferret if he would want to share a Chocolate Frog together," Hermione said, as she took a Frog out of her bag. "Want to?"

Draco's eyes lit up. "Sure! Oh, I'm so glad – I mean, I could just simply dance and sing at the top of my lungs – not that I'm going to, of course, but there's still the possibility – oh, and you think I'm cute and cuddly and huggable and devilish!"

As Hermione grinned at him, Draco turned a deep shade of red and cleared his throat. "Er – I mean, I would like very much to share a Frog with you."

As the two proceeded to rip apart the Frog's body with a ferocity no one ever expected, Theodore Nott and Parvati Patil's heads popped around the corner.

"See?" Parvati said. "I told you they wre a real couple, look, they're sharing a Frog!"

Theo made a face. "No way is that a real couple – real couples should be sharing Licorice Wands – more flexible for kissing!"

"I completely agree!" Parvati squealed. "I mean, that's just so………….Disney!"

"Pardon?" Theo asked.

"Oh, never mind," Parvati said. "But the point is, they're sharing a Frog together and they look so cute!"

"Keep your voice down!" Theo hissed, but it was too late. Hermione and Draco had looked up from their lovey-dovey business and they were heading their way.

"Theo? Parvati? What are you doing here?"

"We're………you know……….studying!" Parvati said.

Theo smacked his forehead. Even Crabbe and Goyle could tell that was a lie! he screamed internally.

"More like studying us," Draco smirked.

"You know, actually……the truth is………………" Theo said, putting on his pity-me-I'm-so-lonely face. "……….….she was trying to convince me to sleep with her!"

Parvati gaped behind Draco and Hermione.

"What?" Hermione gasped. "You're thinking of that…………already?"

Draco was smirking widely. "Go for it, Theo!"

"Well, now that I think about it, with your way, Draco, I can get some lovin' tonight," Theo said, mock-thinking. "Sorry, Granger. Apparently, abstinence is not the way to go in this situation." Theo grabbed Parvati's arm. "Let's go have the best shag of our lives!"

"Wow," Hermione said. "That is just so sweet."

"I know," Draco added. "Just the thought of a Gryffindor and a Slytherin getting together and professing their love to each other, is so……………touching!"

"Polar opposites," Hermione said, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, "It's the stuff fairy-tale romances are made of."

"Hey, why does all this sound so familiar?" Draco remarked.

"I don't know," Hermione said, shrugging. "Hey, d'you want to go to the kitchens and get some cake?"

Draco clasped his hands together. "I love cake!"

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Mandy opened the chest and nearly started crying again. Inside was her father, dressed in his best clothes, with a glittering hourglass hanging around his neck. Mandy peered closely at it.

"So pretty," she remarked. Then she leaned forward. There was something inscribed on it in glowing bronze letters. "RR? Who's RR?"

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A/N – Ooh, who's RR? (Though this may be rather obvious...) The countdown to the Horcruxes is coming next chapter! Stay tuned……………….dun dun dun!

The answers to those burning, aching reviews…………….

Setsuna-chan09 – Oh, he knows, all right! Well, subconsciously……………….but I promise I'll make him remember! Just wait and see………it'll all turn out in due time…………

dragoneyes5000 – Let's just say that he might have been the person who trashed the Slytherin Common Room completely and hung all the Slytherins' underwear on Gryffindor Tower and put whipped cream and honey on all the Slytherin girls' faces. Might!

TriXter21 – Wow, I'm so glad you think my story's funny! And yes, I agree, now there are more stories coming out that are very serious about the whole Book 7, Horcruxes, killing Voldemort or be killed thing.

Bri Leonard – Did you like how I made Bri Leonard? I couldn't put Bri as a seventh year because Harry would have some memory of her, so instead, I put her in sixth year Slytherin. Hope that's okay.

Andrea Anne Narvati – I admit, I'm getting a bit too obsessed with Draco Malfoy too………..and that's quite stupid, because he's a fictional character!

Additional thanks to Sam's Firefly, GoDeSs-Of-LiOnEsEeS, KayTay, me, AnimeAlexis, White-Pink-Fluffy-Strawberriez, Zagreb-girl, potc-and-hpfan, pinkicing101, iMnOtReAlLYcRaZy, xo evolremmus xo, and dracomionefan6132!