So the angst is here. Sorry, but it was always going to arrive sooner or later.
Martha had a few words with the Doctor when he got into the house. Mostly they were friendly and good-natured, and the Doctor enjoyed talking to his old friend, but there were definitely some words of warning mixed in there as well.
"Rose is very worried. About you, about Jenny, about the future. What's going on and what she wants and what you think. Seriously, you've got to talk to her."
The Doctor sighed, giving off the air of a child who does not want a lecture from his parents when he could be out climbing trees right this second. He had known this was a bad idea as soon as he set the co-ordinates on the console. He didn't really want to talk about what was going on between him and Rose, and it seemed now that he was going to whether he liked it or not. "Martha, it's really fi-"
"No it isn't," Martha said sharply, folding her arms and demonstrating the strong will that the Doctor had always admired in her. "You might not think it because she hasn't said anything, but when she spoke to me it all came out easily enough. You," – she pointed an accusing finger – "keep stuff bottled up and your emotions at bay. Rose isn't like that – I don't know her that well and even I can see that. She likes to talk about what she's feeling, and right now she's extremely anxious. You can't tell me you haven't noticed."
She had caught him out, and he knew it. The Doctor had definitely noticed the slight changes in Rose's actions and expressions that indicated there was something wrong.
"OK, I've noticed." He slumped down on one of the kitchen chairs, watching as Jenny toddled around the kitchen yet not really seeing her. "I just wanted to give her time to adjust – it's been different since Jenny arrived, you know that. But this morning it got too much and I kissed her and now..." He rubbed his eyes with one hand. "What should I do?"
He could tell that Martha was shocked that he had asked her advice, but this time he really needed some help. This was much too important for him to muck it up now, when they were so close.
"I'd say you need to give it time. Shouldn't be hard for you, Time Lord." The Doctor gave a half smile at that. "Just let her get used to it, and move slowly. I know it's hard, considering how long it's been for you two, but if you rush into it there's a chance it could all go wrong, you know?"
He definitely did know.
A few quick words and a hug later, the Doctor, Martha and Jenny were back in the garden with Rose.
The Doctor looked closely at Rose while she hugged Martha goodbye. She seemed happy, but distant, as though there were something on her mind. A significant look that passed between the two women indicated that they had indeed had a conversation about him and Rose.
Just as they stepped into the TARDIS, the Doctor turned back, Jenny waving a small hand in an extended goodbye. "Oh, I almost forgot. Congratulations."
Martha grinned, hand on her stomach. "You'd better be back when the baby's born. It can be a friend for Jenny – plus it gives you a reason to visit more often."
"I swear," the Doctor vowed, holding up one hand in a solemn oath. He turned and made his way into the TARDIS, shutting the door behind him. "Did you enjoy that?" he asked Jenny, who was playing with his tie.
"Daddy, Wose gone." Jenny was pointing at the opposite door, the one that Rose had apparently just vanished through. If her expression before they left had been anything to go by, she needed a bit of time to compose herself before they carried on with their lives.
He sighed, sitting Jenny on the console and tickling her feet before setting the co-ordinates for a planet halfway across the galaxy with spectacular views across an ocean so large and so still that it appeared there was nothing but sky all the way to the horizon.
They had time to sort things out another day; they always had a little bit of time on their hands. Unfortunately, it was during this little bit of time that things began to escalate.
The first time it happened they were on an alien planet. It had been about 2 weeks since they had visited Martha and Mickey, and Rose was feeling optimistic. She had been trying to give herself time to adjust, just like Martha had told her, and she found that she was becoming happier by the day. Of course, the main reason for her not being completely overjoyed was the fact that, per Martha's other advice, she had not yet pursued her relationship with the Doctor. She had not exactly been pushing him away, more... letting him make up his own mind. She might not want to waste any more time dancing around the edge of their feelings, but the Doctor was still the Doctor and he was not going to change overnight.
There was some sort of market going on, and they were strolling through, taking in the sights and sounds of a new world. Jenny was enjoying herself, and Rose and the Doctor were holding hands, laughing and flirting and acting just as they always had. Despite the extra person with them, in this moment it was hard to remember that they had ever been parted.
The Doctor was examining some sort of singing fruit – Rose didn't even want to ask – when they heard shouts and screams coming from a few streets across. The people around them began to run, pushing and shoving, and Rose had to fight to stay beside the Doctor as he stared in the direction of the disturbance.
"What is it, Doctor?"
"Don't know," he replied, which was worrying in itself, "could be some sort of riot? Maybe an accident?"
It was only when gunshots started to fire off that he took action. "Here," he commanded, placing Jenny in Rose's arms. "Take her back to the TARDIS. Don't do anything until I get back."
At first Rose was stunned, only able to stare at the back of his head as it disappeared into the jostling crowd around her. Jenny, seeming to sense the tension and probably disgruntled about having been shoving in Rose's arms like a sack of potatoes, began to cry.
"Shh," Rose soothed, stroking Jenny's blonde hair in a way that she had learned calm the toddler down quite quickly. "Daddy'll be back soon, he's just got something he needs to do. Let's get back to the TARDIS, eh?" Jenny looked at Rose with large, teary brown eyes before burying her face in Rose's jacket. She seemed tired all of a sudden. Rose swiftly made her way back to the TARDS, suddenly very aware of how vulnerable holding a small child made her. She had not had to worry about it much before now – the Doctor always picked such safe places to visit that it hadn't been an issue – but her time working with Torchwood had taught Rose to always be aware of her position, and right now her position was exposed and vulnerable. Her pace quickened, and she could not breathe evenly until she and Jenny were back home, the blue wooden doors barring them from whatever chaos was going on in the rest of this strange world.
It had been a tense few minutes, but the Doctor had returned after not too long, saying that it had been a peaceful protest that had somehow gotten out of hand, nothing to worry about.
And Rose had smiled and hugged him and been glad they were OK, but inside her head a battle was raging. She did not want to be bundled back to the TARDIS like that. Since when had that ever been a thing that they did? Sure, Jenny had to be kept safe, but bringing her back here and then going off together would not have taken more than 2 minutes to accomplish. Jenny would have been perfectly safe inside the TARDIS, and they could have gone off together to make sure everything was OK.
After a little while watching the Doctor letting Jenny push buttons on the console – she probably flew the TARDIS better than the Doctor did – Rose decided to just let it go. She wasn't happy with it, but it had been a spur of the moment thing. He had panicked, just as she might have done. It was over with now.
But it wasn't. Not less than a week later, the Doctor did it again. And the second time, Rose was not going to let it blow over.
They were just on their way back to the TARDIS after another day of exploring a new world when there was an enormous bang somewhere behind them, though bang was hardly an appropriate word for it in Rose's mind. The sound crashed against her eardrums and vibrated deep in her bones, rattling her teeth in her head. The Doctor had jammed his hands over Jenny's ears, but she was still crying, howling in fear rather than pain. Nevertheless, it was heartbreaking to see, and the Doctor tried to comfort her even as another explosion shook the ground they were standing on.
"Back to the TARDIS," the Doctor ordered. Rose resented being pushed around by him, but this was not really a moment where she could make him listen to any arguments she had. Before she knew it she was clutched a wailing Jenny, and the Doctor sprinting away from them, long coat flying as he ran.
Stunned as she was by his actions, it took Rose a couple of seconds to realise what on earth had just happened. Yet again, she found herself in a vulnerable position, practically sprinting across the fields and through the woods to where the TARDIS was parked with a crying child held close to her chest. They reached the doors quickly, and Rose shoved her hand in her pocket only to realise what had happened. Her key was inside the TARDIS. It was her jacket pocket – the jacket that the Doctor had persuaded her she did not need, and was right now sitting in the control room, the only device that could get them inside the doors lying in one of the pockets.
Realising that the explosions were dying down, and that the best course of action was probably just to wait for the Doctor to get back and let them inside, Rose curled up against the wooden doors, body curved protectively around Jenny, who had stopped crying and soon fell asleep in Rose's arms. Jenny's steady breathing could have soothed her – instead it served as a constant reminder that Rose should be with the Doctor. She should not be stuck here in the open with no protection from whatever was happening a mile or so away. The Doctor had forced her into this frankly dangerous situation without even asking her. He was sending her away for her own good again. The more she thought about it, the more she seethed. When he returned, he was going to get an earful, of that she was sure.
Once the Doctor was back and had let them in, apparently unhurt though slightly singed – "Small meteor storm, apparently. The atmosphere's very strange here; a chemical in the ground ignited each one, they didn't know how to cope with it. Nearly got hit by a stray flame, it burned me as it went past, look!" – Rose handed his daughter to him stiffly and left the room, knowing that anything she said now would most likely escalate into a full blown argument. She did not want Jenny to hear that. She spent the next few minutes sitting on her bed, clenching and unclenching her fists in an attempt to get a grip on her anger. She could not. She was brimming over with emotions, and she was going to have this out with the Doctor whether he liked it or not.
Rose reappeared in the console room after the Doctor had put Jenny to bed. She needed to talk to him, right now, before her rage ebbed and she forgot why this was so important.
"Doctor, you cannot do that to me again."
"Do what?" He did not even look up from the console, and that just served to make Rose angrier. Stupid, arrogant arse. Who the hell did he think he was?
"Leave me behind." Rose said it loudly, clearly, so he could not mistake the words for anything else.
The Doctor finally dragged his eyes from the console to meet her gaze. He looked ever so slightly confused. "I didn't leave you behind."
Rose folded her arms and huffed, trying not to become aware of how like her mother she became in these moments. "Oh, I'm sorry. Sending me back to the TARDIS so I won't be able to save you and giving me your child then sending me back to the TARDIS so I can't save you are completely different things. My mistake."
That penetrated his shell. He took a couple of steps away from the console, removing his glasses as he did do. "Rose, I had to keep Jenny safe. Things were going to start exploding; I had to get her out of there."
"Yes you did. You didn't have to send me back with her and go running off on your own, putting yourself in danger and leaving me here to worry about you. You've done it twice now. The first time I thought I'd let it go, but I'm stopping you now before it becomes a habit."
"Needed to protect her, I thought you'd understand."
"How could you do that to me, knowing what I've been through?" A flash of confusion in his eyes was all Rose needed to pour out everything she was feeling. "Being separated from you! Being sent away for my own good! Fighting for years to get back to you! Being told what's best for me and not being allowed to make my own choices. How could you ever imagine I would be OK with what you just did? There was plenty of time to get Jenny back here and then go together, but you couldn't do that, could you?" She would never normally interrogate him like this – she preferred to wait and give it time - but that guarded expression was creeping into his eyes again and Rose knew that she wasn't going to get through to him if she didn't strike while the iron was hot.
He glared at her. "I was just doing what I thought was best."
"Well you thought wrong, didn't you!" Rose took a step towards him, then a step back, unable to keep her feet still. "I didn't have my damn TARDIS key. Normally I would, normally I'd never let it leave my side, but it was in my jacket pocket and I didn't have my jacket on today, did I? Had it ready in here, but you said I wouldn't need it. 'Oh no, Rose, who needs to be covered up on a day like this?' Well I didn't have it, so me and Jenny were stuck outside the TARDIS while god knows what was happening. That wasn't the best. That wasn't keeping her safe."
"Well I trusted that you wouldn't be stupid enough to leave your key behind."
"Oh come on!" Rose laughed once, a hollow sound that had not one ounce of humour in it. "People forget things sometimes, Doctor, we aren't perfect. But the thing is that, if we'd stayed together and taken her back here, or if you'd told me where you'd be so I could come and find you, then me and Jenny wouldn't have been alone outside the TARDIS while you went AWOL."
His eyes flashed dangerously. "I was saving people's lives, Rose," he said, very quietly, "I was doing what I always do."
"No, what we always do. But I wasn't around for that bit, was I? I'm not staying here for this!" Her voice was getting higher in pitch, but if it got through to the Doctor that way then she wasn't going to stop. "I am not sitting on this TARDIS and being a glorified... babysitter or whatever it is you think I'm going to do while you're off saving the world. You normally take us to safe places where she could never come to harm – at first I thought that would be boring, but it's infinitely preferable to this. We used to be a team!"
"Well this might come as a surprise to you Rose, but my child's safely comes before your feelings of abandonment or whatever it is that this," – he gestured towards her with a flailing hand – "is!" He was getting extremely angry now, and under all of the anger and pain she was feeling, a tiny sliver of fear made itself known. He barely ever directed this sort of thing at her. She understood why people fled from his gaze.
"Yeah, and the only person who's being affected by your child's safety is me! Jenny is kept safe in the TARDIS, you get to go off and play hero, and what do I do? I wait here for you? What a brilliant prospect for a life that is! She's your responsibility, she's not mine!"
The Doctor took three steps forward then, towering over Rose in a way that she was sure would have terrified her, was she not so certain that he needed to hear what she was saying.
"So you want to come with me and be here, but as soon as you're not the most important woman in my life, it all goes wrong, does it?" He was speaking too quietly, and Rose began to shiver. She was reminded yet again of another conversation, of accusing him of jealousy because he wasn't the most important man in her life any more. Just the idea that she was being that selfish made her bristle.
"Of course I am not saying that! She's your daughter; of course she's the most important thing to you. And the fact that you trust me to get her back to the TARDIS and keep her safe, that's great. But the fact is, I don't want to be in the TARDIS. I want to be out there with you, like we used to be. Fighting the forces of evil together, meeting aliens, getting locked up and having to break out using your shoelaces and my bra wire. That is what I wanted when I came back here. I want the universe, not the inside of this box."
The Doctor made an unintelligible noise under his breath. "Hmph. Just the universe – that's simple enough." Damn him and his sarcasm. He wasn't really listening to her, or if he was, he wasn't hearing her properly.
"No, you don't understand. What we used to do, that was you giving me the universe. We could go anywhere, we could do anything. We were together. That's the universe." Her voice was gentler now. The Doctor had dropped his gaze from hers, staring instead at some spot on the console. She hoped that that meant she was getting through to him. "So next time something bad happens – which hopefully shouldn't be too often - you bring Jenny back to the TARDIS and we go and do what we do. Together! How is that so hard for you to understand!"
When he looked up and met her eyes this time, Rose could see how wrong she was about him accepting what she was trying to say. "I can handle myself on my own, I don't know what the hell made you think that I couldn-"
Rose clenched her fists, a scream of frustration not far off." "Oh I don't know why I might think that, maybe it's because the last time you were left alone YOU NEARLY ENDED UP FUCKING DEAD!" The silence that rushed in after that truth bomb felt distinctly like ice. Rose let the silence hang in the air for a second before carrying on in a voice that sounded almost dead, event to her. "I could deal with Jenny and the change and even the aging thing. But if you think for one second I am living my life as a subordinate to you. As a... a... a helper or a, a fucking assistant, waiting for you to do the important stuff, then you've got another thing coming."
She spun around, anger controlling her movements, leading her towards the TARDIS door no matter what was out there. Whatever it could be, it was preferable to being in here, with him. For the first time the TARDIS did not seem big enough.
Rose wrenched the door open, and just before stepping out of it she turned back to face the Doctor. His face was set, anger and stubbornness glaring out at her from his dark eyes, lips curled in a way that was almost cruel. She felt pain in her chest that she could feel this much anger and hurt and sorrow towards him, but it couldn't be helped. This tall, skinny man standing before her was such a big part of her life. As soon as she began to have problems with him, they seemed to take over everything. "You can keep pushing me away if you want, Doctor. But eventually I'm just not gonna want to come back. You're going to force me out of here." She paused for a second, not knowing whether she was being too harsh. "Well done." She stepped out and slammed the door behind her, stomping away from the TARDIS.
He did not follow her and she did not care. All Rose wanted was to be away from that box for a while. To forget that all she had been working towards in the other universe had come to this. Throwing insults and cruel words at him and playing second fiddle to that pompous, idiotic, emotionally repressed man who she still loved with everything she was.
Tears began to slide down her cheeks, blurring her vision, but still she kept walking. He was always running from his problems; maybe she should try it for a change.