Note: these ladies in this story are a bit OOC, so please bear with me as I navigate them in a new arena. There is a reason why they are as they are and it will reveal itself as the story unfolds...

Tea was short, grace chatted about this and that, I barely could focus. I was tired and I wanted to look at Lauren and every time I did I would think about how badly I wanted to kiss her again. Lauren kept her attention on Grace, like good manners would want. After tea was done, it was decided by Grace and Lauren that I get some rest and take it easy for a little while. I wanted to protest but when I stood up I could feel how worn down my body was. Grace shooed Lauren away from cleaning up and politely demanded she help me to my room. I had to lean on Lauren more than I wanted to, my balance was completely gone and I needed the steady hand. As we walked down the hall to my room I murmured, "I apologize for Grace, she can be very bull-headed at times."

Lauren smiled, "It's quite alright, but I can see where you get it from."

"Ha. Ha." I tried to pull away from the body contact with Lauren, but she kept a gentle grip on me. Keeping me close.

"Here we are." Lauren pushed open my door, helping me to sit on the edge of the bed. I leaned forward, exhausted. A wave of nerves fell over me, it had been a long time that I was in a bedroom with anyone that I liked and I could not remember what the basic protocol was. I sat up and saw Lauren standing, looking around my room, looking at the photographs on my walls, I watched her for a moment. The Lauren that I had spent the last little bit of time with was not the one I was used to. This Lauren was a very quiet and caring woman who kept me drawn to her.

I caught her eye when she stepped towards me, "I would like to check your wound one more time before you get some sleep." Lauren nodded lightly at me, very cautious with her movements now. It felt like she was afraid that any touch she placed upon me, for fear she would break me. I scooted back on to the bed so I was lying down, allowing Lauren a little more working space. She delicately lifted my shirt up just enough to look at the bandage, carefully peeling the edges up. I smiled, "I won't break."

Lauren blushed, "I know, I know, I just." she brushed a hand across my older scars, "Forgive my question, but what did it feel like?" I caught my breath at the feel of her hand grazing across my skin, it felt electric.

I let out a sigh, "It felt like I was being splatter with a hot pan of grease, other than that I don't remember much. I woke up an hour later wrapped in gauze, got up out of my bed and went back to work. I was supposed to be shipped to the rear so they could get plastic surgeons to repair the burns, but I ignored it and had another doctor take out the pieces of metal he could, clean me up in between surgeries, and I went back to what I was supposed to do. Help as many as I could."

Lauren looked at me with a pale face and a look that I had seen on the few faces who actually saw my scars and knew what I had done in the last two years. I felt like I had piled on bravado in my careless but honest explanation, "I am not trying to sound all Rambo; I just had too much to do and wanted to get back to my soldiers." I dropped my gaze, reached down and pulled my shirt back down, I felt embarrassed and exposed. I rolled over so I could slide under my blankets. Lauren was still standing over me awkwardly, "You can sit down if you like. I am pretty sure I won't be falling asleep anytime soon." The drugs had finally exited my system and I was back on my irregular sleep pattern. Lauren shook her head, "No, no I better go, you need your rest."

"I want you to stay, I like talking to you." It was my turn to feel awkward and sheepish. I really didn't want Lauren to leave, I had not talked to anyone about who I was since Dyson and it felt therapeutic to just talk to someone who was not family. Lauren smiled a little and looked around before grabbing my desk chair, pulling it close to my bed, sitting in it so she was close but on a diagonal to me. An urge to reach out and pull Lauren close to me overcame my entire being, but I didn't move.

I finally pushed the urge down and asked, "What's your story? How did a girl like you end up being my commanding officer?"

Lauren smirked, "It's nowhere near the grand tale of your upbringing." she sat back in her chair, "My mum is a retired nurse from Canada and my father is a navy shipbuilder in Wales, they met when my father worked in Canada for a summer and they never left each other's side." Lauren smiled as I went to make a comment about her lack of a Welsh accent. "Yes I am Welsh and grew up in Wales, and before you ask, like you I had many, many etiquette lessons as a little girl to get the Welsh accent out of my system. My mum wanted me to have the best and for some odd reason felt the only way to get the best was to become a lady." Lauren held her hands up to say as if in the end does it really matter. "I really wanted to be a shipbuilder like my father. Then one day when I was twelve he had an accident while I was visiting and cut his arm deep, first time I ever saw blood and the bits our skin hides from us. I was intrigued and soon began following mum around begging her to teach me all she knew about medicine." she paused to look at me, to see if I was still awake, then scooted closer to me and went on, "I went to University, then on to medical school. Even after graduation I still had the desire to be around the ships I was raised with and logical reasoning told me that I should join the Royal Navy and then I could be near all the ships my heart could handle. Instead I was ushered up into the world of medical administration."

Lauren smiled to herself as she looked down at her hands folded in her lap, "I have never been on a ship, have yet to serve a term on any sea in this great big world. I wanted more than anything to combine my two loves, sail the world and help people, instead I push papers and sometimes practice medicine." She looked at me full on, "I envy you, Bo and I believe deep down that's why I had such an immediate competition with you. It was like I had to prove that I was still a doctor and not an administrator when you came into the hospital and threw my perfect order into chaos."

"Don't envy me." I looked hard at Lauren, I wanted to pour my heart out to her. Everything I had done, seen and the dreams I have every night. I was not anything special; my heart broke a little when Lauren told me she was envious. I changed the subject, "You could request a transfer, put yourself on a ship and see how fun it is to share a bathroom with forty other women."

She laughed lightly, "I tried three years ago when I was assigned to RNH, heartfully denied. I am too valuable at this hospital to leave." she shrugged. "So they say. It is what it is, I am coming close to the end of my service for her Majesty's Navy. I will just ride it out. As you Americans say." Lauren smirked at me.

I smiled and looked at my hands, her smile had a way that found its way to my heart, making it flutter, "Lauren, you are a brilliant doctor; you should be doing more than filing out band-aid orders."

Lauren sat there; even though she was smiling I now understood why she had so many walls up and kept her ego high. Life was a Rubik's cube and every time she got close to solving it, a small hiccup came her way. I was lost in my thoughts of Lauren when she suddenly asked, "Forgive me but can I ask why you went? Joined up?" she looked out the window, "Considering you probably could be anything you wanted and do anything you could possibly dream of."

I closed my eyes, "Sometimes when you run away from something you run in the direction that will take you the farthest away." I rubbed the bridge of my nose; "Can you get me a glass of water?" My simple request was my way of dropping the line of questioning I knew was heading my way. Lauren nodded and stood up, "Would you like anything else?"

"Just water, there's no hurry, in case you run into Grace and she wants to chat." I looked up at her, trying to smile to put her at ease. I knew my drastic subject change would raise suspicions. I was more than comfortable talking about my near death experience but would rather die than talk about Dyson.

Lauren left my room in a quiet whisper. I lay back in the pillows and stared at the ceiling, reliving certain moments of what led me to be where I was now, sighing at the good and the bad memories. Before I knew it my eyes closed on their own and I was asleep.

I dreamt about the night I received the shrapnel wound. It was all in vivid and graphic detail, like most of my nightly dreams. It was as if I was teleported back to that moment, I knew what was going on, what was coming but could do nothing to prevent it. I was paralyzed and when the impact of the roadside bomb exploded through the Humvee and through my body, I felt the heat spread across my side, burning me. I woke up screaming like I had the moment of impact. I sat straight up in my bed, it was dark now and I was panicking more than I had before when a dream shook me. I couldn't hear anything and I was breathing heavy.

I held my hands out in front of me to look at the blood I knew was on them. That's when I saw someone move off to my left side. I was still disoriented and scared, when I felt the hand on my shoulder I tried to push it off of me. I couldn't hear Lauren trying to calm me down, I kept scooting away until I fell off the bed on the other side and curled up, trying to hide. Lauren came around to the other side, kneeling beside me.

"Bo! Bo! It's okay, you are safe. You are home and no one can hurt you." her voice was trembling with fear.

I covered my head in my hands; I was starting to cry when I felt her arms come around my shoulders. My consciousness slowly snapped me back into reality. Lauren kept comforting me telling me I was safe, I was still crying as Lauren got me up and walked me to the bathroom to get me some water. I glimpsed her in the mirror and saw that I had scared her. She was doing her best to not show it, I whispered as I leaned on the sink, "I'm sorry….if I scared you."

"Are you okay?" her voice was also a quiet whisper.

"Eventually."

I was exhausted and turned to go back to bed. Lauren helped me back in and sat next to me as I tried to settle back into the bed. My heart was still racing and my side hurt from where I fell out of bed. I was still crying and I couldn't get myself to stop this time around. Lauren reached around and put her arm around my shoulder as I leaned forward and tried controlling my tears. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to cry in front of her, I had guilt for scaring her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in the room." it came out in a broken whisper.

"I came back with your water and you were asleep, I let you be and when I came back to check on you, I fell asleep in the chair."

I looked up at her and when I saw the look of worry and fear mixed on her face, I let go of the tears. I was tired, so tired, of scaring people I cared about and not being able to give them the answers to put them at ease. Lauren reached down and wiped away a tear with her thumb, I couldn't hold myself back, I reached out and pulled myself into Lauren's arms, letting her envelop me.

I whispered in-between tears, "Will you stay with me?" I knew I sounded like a lost little kid, but I didn't want to be alone, my panic from the dream still had me shaken.

"I would even if you didn't want me too." she wiped away another tear, letting her hand linger against my face.

After a some time, I finally got myself under control and went to lie down in the bed. Lauren laid down next to me, letting me curl up in her. I laid my head on her shoulder, wrapping my arm around her waist. The slow up and down movement of her breathing mixed with her warm body, made my whole body settle down. I felt her reach down and brush some of the hair away from my face. Her hand then dropped down to my arm where she gently squeezed me to let me know she was still there. I pulled myself tighter to her, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped in her arms. I fell asleep to the gentle sounds of her heart beating with mine.

The sun spilled in through the windows, giving off gentle warmth that slowly woke me up. I was lying on my side and I smiled when I saw Lauren's arm draped across me, gently holding on to my arm. She had her head buried into my neck, sleeping heavily. Her body fit perfectly into mine as we lay side by side. My side was sore from sleeping on it, but I did not want to move and disturb the feeling of having someone next to me. "Good morning." a low, soft voice murmured in my ear, I closed my eyes at the sound. Lauren stroked the skin on my arm, sliding her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together and squeezing me closer to her; she released it when I slowly rolled over. Lauren lifted a little to make room for me, my head finally settling on the pillow we were now sharing. Our faces were inches apart.

"Good morning," I said softly, lifting my hand to push away the messy strands of hair that had fallen across Lauren's face. "Thank you for staying." Lauren smiled, reaching up to hold my hand against her face. We lingered for a moment, staring at each other. I didn't know what to say, I just took my hand from her face and traced her lips with my thumb. Lauren closed her eyes at my touch, she kissed my thumb and leaned in to brush her lips against mine, sitting for a moment before pulling back with a smile. "How did you sleep?" Lauren asked awkwardly, I didn't speak I just leaned in and closed the gap between us, bringing our lips together softly as Lauren had, sucking gently on her lower lip and brushing my tongue against her. Lauren closed her eyes and pulled me closer, slipping her hands around to my back. I wanted to feel something, anything, to chase away the fears that laid just so close to the surface. My dreams, what I had left in New York all those years ago, and the pieces of myself I left in the desert. I had numbed myself and the woman next to me, gave me a desire to feel again.

I couldn't hold back anymore, there was little room between us, but I was able to move my hand to Lauren's neck and follow it with soft kisses down then back up to the bottom of her jaw. Lauren moaned lightly, our lips came together again. I meant for the kiss to be brief but I quickly lost myself in the softness of Lauren's lips, the gentle glide of her tongue against mine, her hands moved up into my hair pulling me closer to her, before I knew it she had rolled me over and was now on top of me, pushing herself into me as our kiss deepened. In her touch, her kisses, I could feel that she needed something similar to what I was seeking out in my own movements.

A reason to feel again.

My hands went to her hips squeezing her hard. My head was swimming and we kissed for several moments until Lauren reached down to the edge of my shirt, sliding her hands underneath, gently caressing my stomach with her warm fingers, a moan escaped from me and I arched my back to feel more of her hands on me.

As Lauren's hands where at the swell of my breasts, there was a loud knock on my door, followed by Graces soft voice calling out to see if I was awake. Lauren broke off the kiss and looked at me with a hazy desire that made my stomach flop. She rolled away from me; embarrassment was creeping in on her face and settled back in the pillows. We were both breathless, she covered her face with an arm as I smiled and ran my hand over her arm, "Obviously now is not the time to do this properly." her tone had a slight laughter in it.

I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, seeing the smile on Lauren face, "Grace didn't know I had a slumber buddy." I wiggled free from the bed and hobbled to the door, opening to find Grace, hands in her lap, smiling at me, "Good morning Ysabeau, I just wanted to see if you would like something to eat?"

I nodded, "That would be perfect."

Grace tried peering behind me, "Is Lauren still around? I knocked on the guest door and there was no answer."

"She is. She stopped in to check on me. We will both be down shortly." I pulled the door closer to me so that Grace would not see Lauren fidgeting in the bed.

Grace smiled and nodded, then with a quick breeze she turned on her heels and clicked away back down the hall. I closed the door, turning to look at the bed. Lauren was not in it; I took a few steps and heard water running in the bathroom. I limped back to the bed and sat down on the edge. I felt shaky from the moment of passion I just shared with Lauren, I also felt shaky because I remembered why she stayed with me. The bathroom door swung open and Lauren stepped out, she had her hair pulled back and smiled tightly as she rushed past me to her bag. She began dropping her things into the bag hurriedly. I turned to her, "Grace is making breakfast."

"Tell her thank you, but I have to get to work." Lauren's tone was short and businesslike. It threw a sense of worry through my stomach. I stood up and walked to her, putting my hand on her shoulder, "Call in for the day, I don't want you to leave."

Lauren squeezed her eyes shut, "I can't, I am needed at the hospital." her tone was cold. I kept my hand on her shoulder, "I frightened you didn't I?"

She paused for a second, and then went back to shoving things into her briefcase and bag. I felt like crying all of a sudden, "I'm sorry, if I came on too strong last night and a few moments ago, I guess I still haven't gotten used to being around people again." I turned away and walked back to the bed, I wanted to crawl back in and lay there quietly.

"Don't apologize, Bo. You are not to blame for anything; I just lost my head for a minute. You are still healing and I came on to you like a cat in heat. I don't know what I was thinking." her voice wavered, I looked back at her and met her eyes, they were soft and looking at me as if in a second she would wrap me in her arms and hold me forever. I took a sharp breath, "Stay."

Lauren dropped her head, and came towards me, putting her hands on my arms, "You need to rest, Bo." she looked up and met my eyes again, placing a soft hand on my cheek, "You didn't sleep well last night…" she cringed a little and I could see the toll my episode last night took on her. I tried to smile to ease Lauren. She bent forward and kissed me lightly on the cheek, "rest, I will try to stop by after work." Her hand lingered on my face before it dropped down to my hand, squeezing it tightly.

She left my room quietly, leaving me full of too many emotions that I could not sort through. I just went to the bathroom, showered and then crawled back into bed, looking at the pillow Lauren had slept on. Clenching my jaw at the moments we shared, how they turned south on a dime. One moment, we were lost in passion the next, it was back to business.

I groaned into the pillow I clutched against my face. I knew I had it bad for Lauren and I knew it was the last thing I needed but was everything I thought wanted.

After a few hours of lying in bed, I got up and started on what was becoming a daily routine, I had breakfast with Grace, then we walked around for a few hours before my body demanded me to stop for the day. I sat in the massive library in the house; I was beginning to get tired of always sitting in my bedroom. The giant leather couch swallowed me up as I laid on it, the old books that surrounded me on the walls made me feel safe and the smell of the books relaxed me. Grace sat with me in the chair next to the couch; she read the paper and just filled the air with comments on the day's headlines and what gossip she had heard at the market. I was not listening, my head was constantly replaying Lauren and I, in my bed that morning. It made my heart race and my whole body ache for her, for something.

Lauren had not called throughout the day and my stomach had dropped, I didn't blame her if she was weary of me, being around me, after my nightmare. I had not thought how my bad nights would affect someone who was not family, it was a scary situation that could only be dealt with unconditional love. Lauren was full of lust for me, so it seemed in my mind. I began talking myself out of having any feelings for Lauren, it would be better this way, if I just stayed clear-headed and worked through my injury and healed completely. It was not fair to ask someone to pick up the pieces after every bad night I had. I fell into sleep listening to Grace's soft voice read the local engagement notices.

Grace gently shook me awake, "I think it's time we get you into bed. This couch is not good for your aching bones." I gave Grace a dirty look, "I am not a ninety year old woman, and my bones are far from achy."

Grace cocked and eyebrow then laughed as I tried to sit up, but was too stiff to do it without help. Grace held out her hand and I took it reluctantly, shaking my head.

We walked down the hallway, slowly, Grace patting my hand with every other step. I had a sudden flashback of grace doing the same thing when I was little, walking me to my room after a rough day at school, patting my hand to keep me relaxed. I looked up at her; she smiled at me and said, "She has not called, dear. I believe she is rather busy, Lauren has not been in to the hospital for a week."

I stopped, "She hasn't been there in a week? What do you mean?"

"I mean, that she has stayed here for the last little while. Making sure you came back to us. Frankly that girl never left your side until I forced her to come down and eat."

I dropped my head, "I didn't know."

"There was no reason to tell you, you can see it all over her face how much she feels for you, Bo. We all can."

I sighed hard, pulling closer to grace, "I think I scared her away."

"How so?" grace and I started walking again.

"I had a bad night last, my dreams. She rushed out in the morning…after I woke up." I left out the part where Lauren and I made out like home alone hormonal teenagers.

Grace patted my hand, "Give her a minute, your nights take a minute to adjust too." her voice was distant and I felt even more guilt for something I knew I had no control over but every day I wanted to be able to. Maybe therapy was necessary.

Grace delivered me to my room and stood at the door as I walked on my own to sit down at the desk, she smiled at me,"I love you Bo, and call if you need anything." I nodded and as soon as the door clicked closed, I leaned forward and held my head in my hands. My head hurt and pounded with a migraine.

I turned to look out the window and saw it was well into the night, I still had not heard from Lauren. I sighed and debating calling her, but I discouraged myself and busied my hands with the stacks of mail that sat untouched on the edge of my desk. I flipped through a few envelopes, it was just nonsense junk mail. The only important ones were two letters from the Navy that I set aside to read later. Whenever the Navy sent letters it was rarely good news, especially in my case.

When I reached the bottom of the stack I came across a letter that had a New York return address. The handwriting on the envelope made my stomach come up my throat. The postmark was recent, discouraging any thoughts that it was an old letter. I stared at Dyson's elegant but strong, cursive writing as it formed my name on the front of the envelope. I had not heard from him in years and wondered how in the hell he knew I was home. Grace was not a big fan of Dyson so I could remove her from the list of suspects, Kenzi had nothing but pure spite for the man as well, so no go there. I shook the thin paper in my hand, why now, of all times. My head was already too full to have Dyson come in and scramble it even further.

I wanted to throw the letter out, burn it, but deep down I wanted to know what it contained. Without a second thought I tore open the edge and opened the one page that was folded in half. It was only a few lines.

"Bo,

I heard from a friend who knows a friend of yours that you are back home. I am so happy to hear you are safe, I had no idea that you were in that horrible war. I would like to hear from you, I have missed our long conversations, I have missed you.

I am sorry for everything.

Dyson."

It was typical Dyson, short and without too much care. I threw the paper on to the desk and stared at it. I had a sick feeling in my stomach and a wave of anger come over me. I wanted to pull out a piece a paper and write a scathing reply, send it one day air to make sure he got it first thing in the morning. But I also wanted nothing to do with him. I pushed off from the desk and stood up quickly, it hurt and I had to bend over to steady myself on the edge of the desk. "God dammit." I pounded on the desk so hard my phone fell off and hit the floor. I cursed and grabbed it, as my fingers closed around it, it began to vibrate. There was a text from Lauren coming in.

I swiped at the small envelope icon on the screen,

-I will be by in the morning, and hospital is busy tonight. I hope you sleep well, call if you need me or need to talk to me.-

I frowned when I read the message, in that instant Lauren reminded me of Dyson. They both had that standoffish attitude. I angrily replied to Lauren, with a typical "I will be fine." hit send and tossed the phone on to my couch. I clenched my fists, "Why was the desert so much easier to deal with than romance." I rubbed at my eyes, I was tired, irritated at the collision of my two worlds in the blink of an eye. A long-lost relationship rising from the dead as my heart was finding a spark in a completely different place than I had been used too. The world I left behind was meeting the world I left it for.

I gave in and ignored the buzzing phone on the couch and crawled into bed, for the first time since I can remember I turned on my television and lost myself in a ridiculous antique appraisal show on the local cable channel. I wanted nonsense to fill my head and chase away everything else that was piling up in there.

Lauren did not come over that night or the next day. I found that she would only come to the house when I was asleep; it felt as if she was doing it on purpose. I would wake up with a note by my bed or a message left with Grace. Two weeks had passed since the night Lauren stayed with me and I had little contact with her. I was upset but at the same time I felt relieved, it was better that I put any notion of a budding crush to bed. It was obvious that as much as I liked Lauren, it was shaping up that it could not be meant to be, for whatever reason she was also putting distance between her and I.

I didn't need more distance in my life when I was trying to close all the gaps I had created over the years.

I finally got the all clear to go back to work, I was still very wobbly and moved slower than I wanted, as the muscles in my body gradually adjusted to going from stagnant to the old nonstop pace I had put them through over the years. I had been hurt worse than I thought; I knew it was partly my fault for not sleeping and taking proper care of myself. The recovery time was going to take more than I desired.

My first day back at the hospital I walked into my office full of flowers and well wishes from the other staff and even my students. I smiled a little as the sweet smell of the fresh flowers filled me up. I stood reading a card when Leeds bustled in and stood next to me, "If you would like, I can get a space cleared for you to do some work." I turned to look at Leeds, I had missed her sunny energy while I was gone, I patted her on the shoulder, "its fine, I can manage, but can you get me a list of everyone who sent me well wishes so I can make sure to thank them?" Leeds nodded curtly, "Of course, ma'am." she then went to my desk and organized my paperwork for the day, "Everything is ready for you. These are the updated class files. The Colonel made sure to take notes of everything he and Commander Lewis did with your students. All the notes are thorough and should get you up to speed over lunch."

I set the card down I had in my hand, "The Colonel and Commander Lewis? What do you mean?"

"Colonel Windsor and Commander Lewis took over your class while you were out." Leeds folded her hands matter of factly as if the information she just shared could be the only explanation in the world.

I stood still for a second; I didn't know how to feel. I was shocked to hear that the head administrator of the hospital was teaching a simple first year medical school class and that Lauren had also stepped in. for a brief second I felt embarrassed that I had not been able to return to work as quickly as I wanted too.

Leeds saw the panic on my face, "Don't worry, Colonel Windsor volunteered to take over your class and Commander Lewis did as well. They both were eager to roll up their sleeves and be the teacher."

I just nodded lightly, Leeds asked me if I needed anything else, I shook my head no and she left my office in a breeze. I wobbled over to my chair and sat down, flipping over the files. On the top of the first file was a note from Colonel Windsor, "Glad to have you back, yank, stellar job on teaching these young ones. They taught me a thing or two themselves."

I held the note as it felt like it had been years since I was gone, it really had only been close to two months, but I felt it was a lifetime. I set the note off to the side and continued reading, getting myself up to speed with where my students where. A few hours later I wobbled down to the class and was happy to see all the familiar faces of the young officers I had taught. After the cursory welcome back chatter, I dove back into teaching. The students were moving along well and I could tell that Windsor and Lauren had done an excellent job teaching. While I stood behind two of the students watching them as they did sutures on a pig's leg, I suddenly had a rush of want flow through me, I wanted Lauren to bolt into the room and stand over me. I had missed her more than I wanted to recognize since that night. I ached to just see her walk through the hallways of the hospital, I would even welcome a in my face bicker match. I just wanted to be around her.

Class went by fast and I was tired but happy, I felt like I was finally getting back to normal. I went back to my office to close up shop for the night; Grace would be by the hospital in a half hour to take me home. I could drive myself, but Grace was adamant that she would be my personal cabbie.

There was a light knock on my door, the door pushed open and Lauren slid in quietly, shutting the door by leaning against it. She looked up at me, a quiet "Hi" coming from her. I looked up and stared. Lauren was in her uniform and it suddenly looked so foreign to me, for the last two months I had only seen her in regular clothes, her hair unkempt and now as I looked at her, she was still beautiful as ever, but it wasn't the same as she stood in my office. I could feel that things were different.

"Hi." I tried not to stare or give any inkling that I had missed her, she was the one who disappeared on me.

Lauren pushed from the door and stepped towards the desk, she stopped right as she got to the side. I could see hesitation in her. "How was the first day back?"

I shrugged, "It went well." I pushed the last of the files into my bag, without looking at Lauren I said, "I hear that I have you to thank for keeping the class on track."

"You don't need to, I enjoyed it, you have taught them well." Lauren's voice was very soft and full of hesitation.

I didn't say anything, I had too much to say and could not get it all straight enough to actually let anything fall across my lips. I closed up my briefcase and tried to stand up, I moved my arm in a strange angle sending a sharp pain that made me buckle, I had to lean on the desk for a second, closing my eyes.

I felt Lauren's warm hand sit on my side as she tried to steady me, "Easy, Bo, let me help you."

I grimaced at her touch; it seemed to go through my body and right to my heart. I wanted to pull away but more than anything I wanted to push into it. Lauren helped me stand up straight and as I opened my eyes, she was standing very close to me, her hand still on my side. We made eye contact and I couldn't help it, "Where have you been?" it came out as a rough whisper.

She swallowed hard, "Work." it was one word but it said so much.

I nodded, "I understand." I moved out of Lauren's grasp. I reached down and grabbed my briefcase, "I better go, Grace will be waiting."

I didn't want to deal with anything; my head was full of emotions that were stirred back up by the sight of Lauren. I started to walk to the door.

"I didn't mean to disappear, Bo. A heavy workload is a half-truth; the whole truth is…I'm scared."

I sighed, "We all are Lauren. Fear is what keeps us all grounded."

Lauren ignored my comment, "I'm scared because I have no idea what comes next, and you are the first thing to come into my life that I have not planned explicitly."

"Why do we need to plan anything? Let it be, see what happens next." I stared at Lauren.

She didn't say anything; I slipped my briefcase under my arm and went to make my way out. I stood a few feet in front of Lauren, wanting to touch her. "The one thing I have learned in the last couple years is you can plan for everything to be perfect, but it never works out, sometimes the best things are the least planned." I reached out to hold her hand, but stopped, it didn't feel right, far too personal now. "Follow the unknown path, Lauren."

I smiled and reached for the door, the silence in the office was awkward. I didn't know what to think at that moment, I just wanted to go home and rest. Lauren was not letting me in, and I had tried to let her into my life further than most, and I think that's where most of the fear came from, on both our parts. I smiled at her and moved to open the door, I suddenly felt Lauren's hand on my arm, "Can I see you later? I've missed talking to you Bo." her voice was quiet and honest.

I looked at her; "You know where I live, Grace would be happy to see you." my tone was even, I was confused by this strange moment in my office. Lauren nodded and held the door for me, I walked as fast I could out and didn't look back.

Grace met me in the lobby and helped me to the car, I didn't say much as we drove home, letting Grace fill the air with chatter about flowers and ladies gin night. As Grace prattled on I found myself drifting to memories of Dyson, his letter had me thinking too much about the past. The letter still sat in my desk drawer as I agonized over crafting a response or not. Dyson could always stir up intense emotions in me no matter what, now mixed with Lauren being distant and strange, my head was definitely full of nonsense. Grace and I ate dinner and afterwards we did our nightly walk around the house, it had become a nightly thing so I would be loosened up and tired before I went to bed. The late afternoon was quickly passing into night and I had not heard from Lauren, making me even more certain that whatever sparks that were between us was slowly burning out. I sighed, I would be done with the hospital in a few short months and that would be that.

Grace and I were on our third trip past the library when the doorbell rang.

Grace paused, "Oh I do believe that is Mary, she was going to bring over those gardening books I asked for. Shall I sit you on the sofa for now?" she motioned towards the couch in the library.

"Don't worry Grace! I am more mobile than I used to be, go and see Mary; I will be in here reading a little then off to bed."

Grace smiled and patted my arm, "call if you need anything."

I just nodded and continued walking in the hallways as she made her way to the front door. The click of Graces heels echoed through the hall as I moved to sit down on the old leather couch. I leaned back and stretched out my legs, staring at all the bookshelves surrounding me. I began to absently count how many weeks I had left in my hospital duty. Then I drifted off into what exactly I was going to do with my life when I was finally discharged. I would have to begin researching hospitals or private practices, or research becoming something else, maybe dabble into photography or just be the laziest person I could be for as long as I could, maybe I would see if Kenzi could find me a job as an extra in films. I leaned forward and stood up to go to the desk Grace used, I began writing down notes on hospitals, silly ideas of acting, and lastly where exactly did I want to live when all was said and done.

I chewed on my pen as I suddenly thought about going back to New York, and then to no one but the books that encased me I said aloud, "London or new York? Which one should I pick fellas?"

Expecting nothing but silence from my literary friends, I was startled when I heard her smooth voice say, "I am partial to you staying here, Bo."