Hullo. it had been quite awhile. I've just got a writer's block and yeah.
Chapter 57- Setting Free
'Good morning Draco! Please start your day with a smile! We will be alright, I know we would x Love, Luna'
'Clementine's really hyper and happy today, hope her enthusiasm cheered you up like how she did to me'
'I asked Fibby if we ever hung mistletoes in the manor, she said she would check unto it. Please remind her that if she would see one, do take it off. The nargles just kept bugging us off for the past few months, silly little creatures"
"Draco? I really miss you. Badly. I don't know why I don't have a single clue on what else to write. Instead, there's an overwhelming feeling of missing you that makes me really really sad, yet I cannot express it through words. Well, maybe it's because of the wrackspurts. Yes. Probably. Oh well, I'm now on the quest of haunting for pudding now! I just want to update you with all these stuff. I love you Draco!"
It has been a week. A week from Luna's departure and Draco Malfoy has finally done it. He has locked himself inside his room with only his daughter as his saving grace. He would ever so often accio certain toys from the nursery just to keep her entertained when she would miss them.
"Aren't you going to reply on any of these darling?" Narcissa, for the life of her, chose to provide comfort to him by being there every time the clock tells her that it is already afternoon. She would swiftly pass the nagging corridor and help her troubled son with coping. Right now, they are all stuck, and Luna's absence made such a huge impact in their lives.
She couldn't blame her son for falling for that eccentric girl. She likes her, for some reason. Luna Lovegood just has this ability of softening you, has this overpowering calmness in her that makes you believe that everything would be perfectly fine.
Without her, Narcissa is reminded of the reality of it all. The manor seemed more quite and the fear is more present.
"I don't want to worry her" he said as simple as that.
Looking around, except for the baby stuffs scattered beneath the bed, Narcissa figured that nothing has changed in the room the last time she entered it- it was five days ago, when she visited him after Luna had already aparated. Just like before, she saw him with his back facing her, a sitting baby between the spaces of his thighs, and his eyes staring absentmindedly outside the window panel, looking quite off and deep in thoughts.
"It's a natural instinct to worry dear. But in her case, I think she trusts you alot" She leaned beside him, her arm circled from the nape of his neck then stretched to his shoulder blade. "We'll have to let it all go Draco" Her other hand reached forward to Clementine, feeling the child's fingers wrap around her index finger and a small happy smile to her little,slightly pointed face.
Draco blinked back, cradling Clementine inside his arms closely. From his moment of affection, Clementine fell herself unto his chest, the back of her head leaning to his shoulder as she tries mimicking Narcissa's gentle voice and worried face, whilst, her hands clapping sloppily to each other.
"Oh my lovely one!" Narcissa weeped happy tears, attacking her granddaughter with dozens of little kisses.
"Good job my little Clem" and Draco nudged the tip of her nose with his' afterwards.
But still, despite the small proud smile that crawled unto his face, he went back and continued staring, his gaze transfixed towards the smooth carves of terrain far far away from their dark manor. Through the empty plains lie the Ottery St. Catchpole, green and bright with sunlight basking through the piles of grass. He now knows why Luna is very fond of her home. Because, despite the humongous land the Malfoy property has, the families in Ottery St. Catchpole haven't surely felt the feeling of choking and loneliness that he's been experiencing in the manor.
Strangled.
Prisoner.
Peace.
He longed for inner peace.
Not here.
Never here.
"I know Mum-" he heaved a deep breath. "-I hope it would be soon"
Narcissa reached his available hand, showing her support as a lonesome tear fell from her porcelain face. For the umpteenth time, the guilt overwhelmed her feelings and thoughts, wishing she could've been more stronger for him, more supportive, more reliant. Instead, her best was not enough, they still ended up trapped and broken inside the house with a never ending cycle of misery.
She sighed sadly.
Still, they fought, all of them. Somewhere, in between her sadness and rage, she still believes that maybe, Luna is right. They just need to let it all go.
She knows it's up to him if he choose to let go or not, she just hopes that no matter what happens, they could do it.
A week had passed and Draco still hasn't left the safety of his chambers. It was becoming his life lately, it was as if he only has two lives to dwell unto, and his' is out of the list, but Clementine's and Luna's.
Only that he still doesn't have the willpower and condition to face her.
A week had passed and Luna continues to worry about Draco. He still hasn't respond to her messages and when she asked Fibby about him, the elf only shrugs, telling her that master Draco hasn't been himself ever since she left.
If only she could just leave, but she knows he wouldn't like that.
He had just taken his exams that afternoon, in his private chambers and feeling quite overwhelmed with all the aurors around him. He couldn't blame their distrust though, he knows too well how untrustworthy his family has became. Yet, that act alone heightens the choking feeling that he has been struggling with.
He did his best, he was one of Professor Snape's brightest students after all, he couldn't bring him and himself down.
Right after the exams has ended, he was left in solitude with Clementine crawling and rolling back and forth on his bed.
Draco woke up lying unto the cold marbled floor of the manor's waiting area. Blinking a few times, he furrowed his eyebrows to recollect any memories as to how he had ended on the ground floor.
Outside, where the garden lies, a faint lullaby could be heard.
"Luna?" He stood up from his spot, his head facing the opened arch where the sunlight shines brightly to the yellow cladded silhouette lying on the grass.
"Come over Draco! Clementine's about to take her first step!" the silhouette stopped humming and snapped her head to his direction. Slowly, a smile crept up on her pale face, the delight visible in her expressing eyes. She beckoned him to come closer, her arms full with a toddler attempting to escape.
He moved his leg, his hand itching to hold his little daughter and curl his fingertips on Luna's golden strands. But then, the ground kept him locked unto his spot, his feet glued and cold- unflinching, unmovable.
He faced Luna and Clementine with eyes wide as saucers. He couldn't move. Why couldn't he move?
As he twist and turn, the scene infront of him stuttered and blurred, their laughters and the whistling of fresh air turned mute. There is an invisible barrier between him and the manor, preventing him from passing further than a single step.
"Draco" her mouth opened with his name upon her lips, mute but all too familiar. He struggles to free himself from the tight grip of the reluctance, the marbled floor of the manor seem to have invisible hands that pull him in.
"You will rot along this decaying manor, die regretting you have betrayed me Draco Malfoy" a harsh voice from the shadows behind him clasped it's bony hands to his neck, circling it's fingers thoroughly through the spaces of ten decaying flesh.
He wanted to scream, to show the dead Tom Riddle that he could not bother Draco Malfoy anymore.
Yet, when he tried to scream, the voice came out as a harsh outtake of exhale. His throat scrapping with the air and his voice too roughly, he could taste his iron on his tongue. The shadow behind him released a mighty uproar of malignant laugh, claiming Draco as his prey with his towering silhouette.
"Fool, you have already given yourself to me. Now suffer the consequences of your misdeed, servant'"
No.
No. Never.
"Daddy?" against the suffocation, there is a faint cry that could only belong to a child. Blinking from the lose of breath, a blonde girl with eyes just like his' stood infront of him, her eyes trickling heavy, hot tears. "why do you still let him get you?" she demanded, her voice soft but commanding, taking the shadow aback,the hands on his neck tensed; as though his little girl had made the monster scared of her.
Clementine?
"Daddy, I need you, please" from his blurry sight and feet still glued to the ground, her small chiseled face frowning and begging. From every bit of her edges and lifts, she looks a lot like the little Draco who's searching for his own father to come steal his nightmares away. Back when Lucius is always too busy to impress, too scared to even pay attention to his family but the dark lord.
"We need you" Draco stopped resisting from Tom Riddle's grip, his eyes welling with stingy tears as he felt he has brought his daughter down, disappointing her with breaking his promise that he would be a better father and a better person than Lucius Malfoy.
"shh love, We're going to be okay" his lie tasted artificial and immediately, he regret being a hypocrite. How could he promise her that they will be okay if he, himself, is the willing victim of his nightmares?
"You promised" half of Clementine's face buzzed with a thunder-like crack, showing half of Luna's face throbbing, her eyes as sad as her daughter's.
The shadow's hands reappeared, but this time, they entangled around his eyes, blackening his whole surrounding as the smell of smoke enters his nostrils. He chocked the offending air away, his mouth coughing out the ashes liked knots that tighten his throat and made it hard for him breathe.
"Daddy, the monster wants to get me. Daddy-Daddy wake up!" somewhere inside the darkness, Clementine's shrieks pierced through.
"Clementine" he shouted through fog and darkness, his hands trying to grasp something. Anything.. just to get to his daughter's aid. She will not live through fear and his past. He will not allow Voldemort to destroy him and the happiness he has finally got.
You will rot along this decaying manor, die regretting you have betrayed me Draco Malfoy
"Clementine!"
No, I will not
His eyes opened with force, the sheer confusion and panic obvious in his bewildered state. Through crumpled bed sheets and soft blue of the skies outside his chambers, he breathes heavily, controlling his fast paced heart and budding cold sweat.
"Clementine?" fear erupted back unto his thoughts-which immediately ran with the worst case of scenarios.
He leaves his chambers with heavy feet and with an even more heavy heart. The dark marble floor of the manor felt cold underneath his bare feet, immediately he thought about Luna and how she feels comfortable with the discomforting feeling of cold ground against the skin of warm feet. Maybe, that is why she loves him too. Luna just loves things that are too sad or too complicated.
Which is why he felt guilt and anger to oneself at it's finest. Shit. She must've been really worried by now. Poor lovely and caring Luna and fuck too self-centered Draco Malfoy.
He thought he couldn't feel much more of a prat, but he was wrong.
Narcissa looked so alone and misplaced against the whole manor. To every twist, turns, and rooms, she is the only human brave enough to ever roam around after what had happened and also, ever since Luna's departure.
"Draco, how are you feeling honey?" her eyes looked more shallow than they ever did before. Or maybe they were already like that for these past few days, he was just so busy with himself-with letting the nightmares consume him that he didn't bother knowing how everything is currently doing. And if everything's actually falling apart.
He furrowed his eyebrows, scratching his chin that already has bristles growing. She looked calm and collected despite the mess they all definitely look.
"It does not matter Mum. How about you? How are you?" His sentence made the poignant woman brush her slim forefinger to her eyes, erasing the clear liquid that welled up. She has always believed in her son, but still, facing the fact that he is now here, alive and talking with eyes responsive, the overwhelming feeling of gratefulness hit her deeper than she thought it could.
He had just been struggling for so long.
"Oh Draco, my poor son" from his half felt eye roll, she stood up and attacked him with the most suffocating hug she could ever give. He easily wrapped his arms around her, comforting both of them as the relief of finally overpassing this, whatever this is, gets him. This time, Narcissa did not fight her tears from falling, instead, they hit Draco's nightshirt and her sobs are uncontrollable.
"Where is she?" he whispered, not trusting his own voice from getting hoarse.
"With your father, in his private library. Be careful Draco, do not surprise her. She just got a bit overwhelmed of your nightmares" she lets go of him now, grabbing his face with one hand, checking his unkempt hair and growing facial hair, a pure of uneasiness written on her pretty face
She had once told him that Lucius too, is receiving the same anxious and choked feeling; locking himself up in his and Narcissa's chambers. Both of the Malfoys seem to have this unspoken competition on who's going to stay sane and not after this act.
"What do you mean?" he suddenly got worried, fearing that he might've accidentally caused a damage upon his child. Seeing his reaction, Narcissa's face softened, calming him with the stroke of the back of her hand upon his cheek.
"You've been shouting and thrashing in your bed, Draco. You've been calling the dark lord's name. She had gotten scared and started crying as well"
Brilliant Draco, just brilliant.
"Is she scared of me?" his voice held self doubt, insecurity and sadness. He said he would be better than Lucius, yet, maybe, he is far more worse than he is. Maybe this is the start of her hate for him. Maybe-
"You are wonderful son. I could see from your eyes and the way you handle her that you love her more than you think you do. And Clementine, my brilliant granddaughter, could see that. One wrong move cannot cover the million rights, Draco" she has sensed that he is comparing himself to Lucius again. She loves her husband, dearly, but she knows that he has done alot of things that hurt and inflicted pain to their son. And she knows that Draco would try his hardest to correct all his past doings. But through her words, her never ending hope of fixing the gap from the two heirs of Malfoy is still going strong and is in progress. Maybe, her wisdom could be applied thoroughly from son to father.
She watches as her son leave with his fists clenched tightly on his sides, but knowing him, he's got a big heart and her boy, her precious boy, has always loved his father no matter what.
Inside the confines of his private library, he stood tall infront of a large portrait of his son. There is a small sad smile that appears on his lips, his mind adrift from the baby that is constantly shoving his hair inside her mouth.
"Look at your father Clementine, he looks just like you" Ever since the arrival of his granddaughter, this is the very first time he has ever bonded with her. Aside from his reluctance of leaving his quarters, the feeling of shame is still as strong as how it was back when he questioned Clementine's existence and immediately regretted them. He has always felt that he created a thick barrier between Draco and him, but when his son's fury had left from his mouth and the anger visible from his eyes, they have haunted him since then.
Clementine looped her arm on the nape of his neck, her mouth forming laughters with her innocent and trusting eyes.
Eyes that remind him so much of his own son's.
Draco had that look once. Oh so trusting, looking up at him as if he is the only hero in their world.. As if he is the answer to every evil monster living underneath his bed. Yet, despite his love for his son, he let his prejudice rule his head. He destroyed Draco's innocence with replacing it with something that could make the dark lord proud. He offered his one and only child just to have the honor and pride, ignoring his wife's persistent sobs and Draco's fearful eyes.
"Draco is such a good boy, always eager to make me proud" Although he had not meant it, he knew he manipulated Draco in becoming this eager to please kind of man. Sure he had just thought about his future and he only wanted what's best for him. But were his decisions really the ones that could help his son? He was too late and too caught up to realize it.
"Dadada?" he smiled, a real without malice kind of one, to his first grandchild. He was delighted to see a fragment of the old Draco who was once so small and without a care in the world.
"But he always seem to surpass to see that I always am. " But ever since Draco Malfoy had broken up with the young Astoria, he had sense that his son had gone to a different path, a path that he did not created for him. He first felt outraged, feeling that his son was rebelling against him, committing a childish act just to annoying him.
Then came the young Lovegood, waltzing her way inside the manor as if she is just a visitor and far from being a prisoner.
"And you are one of his greatest achievements, his greatest blessing, my darling Clementine"
Maybe, looking back, he had never trusted his son enough to let him get on with his life. Seeing Draco that day with fearful eyes but towering power had him back off and overwhelmed. Who was that man with fists clenched and eyes staring so lovingly to the witch in the cot? Who was that man so sure with creating a new person in this world? Who was that man confidently telling him that he would be so much better than he could ever be?
Perhaps he does not know the Draco that he had left behind. The Draco that he left with Narcissa; wholesomely human and not perfect.
He first felt a small pang of dislike when he first saw Luna Lovegood, although he is quite certain that it is because he feared her. She who is fragile caused an uproar to the meeting table. She who is an outcast understood his son perfectly when he never even bothered to for the last nineteen years. When he saw the connection that they have, he immediately knew that the girl is special. Brilliant even. And maybe, out of her mind.
Who would even bother knowing a Malfoy man thoroughly anyway?
Yes, a lunatic. A brave lunatic. She who has the heart as big as her eyes, and wisdom as thick as her hair.
Then, on his second impression of the girl, he saw how strong the little Ravenclaw is. He could truly see how his son grew into 'something' with Luna Lovegood by his side. Sadly, he has seen the acceptance, warmth, comfort, friendship, and love that Draco Malfoy had always been yearning for and it is not from him, but by the shape of her.
That little bird is a blessing to all of them.
"He looked kind of feminine isn't he?"
Unbeknownst to Lucius and Clementine, behind the dark hallway of his private library, Draco stood with eyes narrowing and heart clenching from the sight. Never before had he ever heard such praises from his father.
Yet, he had never been the sentimental type.
"Says the man with the luscious straight hair" his father turned his head to look at him, their eyes boring the same shocked expression. It had been so long since they've had a conversation that never involves something serious. It had been before he was imprisoned. Before all of the thick threats of war ever started. Draco Malfoy even forgot that they ever had such fragile, just waiting to explode, kind of relationship.
Walking straight to his father, he immediately brought his arms to get his daughter back, the separation too hard to bear.
He scooped his daughter inside his arms, pretending not to notice his father's eyes. He had always been so nervous with him looking, it is as if he is waiting for him to fail or make a fool out of himself.
Shrugging off the nerves, he smiled affectionately to the oblivious and happy child.
"I am deeply sorry my son. For everything" he eyes blinked, but he did not dare to look at him. Not yet. Not when his heart thumps wildly inside his ears. He had always dreamt for the day that his father would see his worth, but that was just the past, he is different from the young Draco Malfoy. In this age, he did not care anymore. He is tired with trying to please everybody. He is being loved by who he is and he feels content with it.
"I wish I could forgive you just like that. But you raised me not to forgive that easily father" he wishes he could. Truly. But he could never forgive himself if he would lie to him.
"You've learnt from the best. And I regret that now, by this circumstances" If he only focused on his part, he would never dare forgive him. But he recalled the child inside his arms and the bundle's mother, knowing how much it would mean to them, and him too, if his father would be there when they grow.
"But she showed me forgiveness. And a part of me still believes in you father. As long as you treat Mum, Luna, and Clementine right, time would heal. I would try my hardest to be a better person" he leaves the than you because strangely, it did not feel right and proper for him to do so.
"You will be better than me Draco. Perhaps, I am not even close to being good. But I know you would" in a begrudging way, he hates how alike the two of them are. He feared that one day, he would turn to be like him when he swore he will never would.
But the reassurance from the man himself made his doubt disappear.
"Well, to be frank father, I could not argue with that"
Folding both of his neat parchment, he handed the two to Fibby; one for Luna and one for Professor McGonagall
Luna,
I am so sorry for worrying you too much. But please let this message ease your thoughts. Keep calm my Ravenclaw, do not let the wrackspurts evade your pretty head. I love you.
D. M.
Please. Please. Please review?
What do you think is written inside Draco Malfoy's letter to Professor McGonagall?And what do you think is awaiting in the next chapter?