Guilt, wracking her body, leaving her a stumbling mess.

"Harry!" she cried out, watching the boy disappear in mist, him turning to look at her. He was still vanishing until all she could see was the green eyes and his scar.

"Harry!" she called out again, running towards him. But they changed, became red, his scar still there. The mist turned green around him, lifting his body up as it turned into a mixture of him and Voldemort.

"No." she choked out, stopping before she got near the horrible man.

"You know Hermione. I think you've known for a while."

"Harry." she choked again, falling to her knees. "Please let him go, let Harry go."

The two separated, mist pushing them apart until boy and man stood to face each other, Hermione standing in the middle.

"Step aside silly girl," Voldemort said, she turned and looked at him.

"No. Please take me instead!"

"Hermione." She turned and looked at Harry, his green eyes filled with compassion. She scrambled to her feet and ran over to him. He breathed in deeply "One last Hermy-hug before I go." when they parted she was crying, and he wiped her tears. "It was always going to end like this. You can't change the past Hermione"

Then he pushed her aside as Voldemort yelled out "Avada Kedavra!"

"HARRY!" she screamed as her best friend slumped to the ground. She gathered him in her arms, crying over his lifeless body.

"Go ahead." she looked around, trying to figure out where the familiar voice was coming from. From behind her, she saw Ron coming towards her. "You've done it before."

She looked to her hands where he was pointing and Harry was gone, instead, she saw Bellatrix's wand, the wand of destruction and death. "Finish him."

"Ron I can't." she pleaded.

"Kill Voldemort Hermione."

"I can't change the past."

"Haven't you heard?" he said jokingly "it's 1977, and you're a killer."

She woke with a start, cold sweat all over her body. Her head swam with the disturbing images in her dream, and she wondered why her nightmare was like that.

Part of her had been happy to see them both again because it was like they were still there with her.

She took a shower for the first time since arriving in the past. Somehow her mind had been too preoccupied with it before. But it couldn't wash away the disturbing images of the dream. Nor the guilt she felt for killing Dolohov.

She dressed in clean clothes and started washing.

"Spring cleaning always helps to clear the mind" her mother used to say. But hours later, the entire tent and every item of clothing or thing she owned washed, she didn't feel better. So she cleaned them again, like a muggle. And again like a witch or wizard. But after a day of cleaning everything, nothing had changed.

She had started crying halfway through. Her hands were raw from scrubbing, her knees hurt from the crouched position along with her back.

Going to sleep she felt restless and could not fall into darkness. When she finally did, it was a fitful half-sleep that left her worse off than if she hadn't slept at all.

Not having to look for Ron and Harry, knowing they were safe, heck they weren't even born yet! She had little to do during the day. She tried to read, but every time she closed her eyes she saw Dolohov, smiling that sadistic smile as he caught her, looking at her in surprise when she killed him, and then lying dead and rotting in a beautiful green forest. It was like flashes of a horror show, playing over in her mind again and again.

Reading was also pointless as every book had been read and reread so many times she could recite any and all verbatim. She practiced with her wands, getting as skillful one can get being self-tutored.

One wand did light spells, intricate work, and beautiful things. The other did darker spells, destructive ones and tougher spells, the one she had previously not thought herself magically strong enough for before.

The only thing she could not cast was a Patronus. Part of her was surprised to learn this, but the other part wondered if you could ever cast one after killing someone.

The only constant in her life now was insomnia, guilt and the emptiness accompanying it.

It took her time to get used to walking out in public. She started slowly by just walking around the Forest, then in villages near wherever she was staying, before she would take the big plunge and go to Diagon Alley.

Her plan was to be a ghost, she couldn't risk becoming a part of society. In her relentless pursuit of knowledge she had even read up on time travel theory, and she knew what the butterfly effect was. One small change, a friend they didn't have before, a kind or cruel word exchanged, a bug you stepped on. Any small thing could change history forever.

But she needed books, she needed to know if there was any solution to her predicament. Muggle or magical she didn't care. If she could just freeze herself for 19 years everything would be fine, nothing would have changed.

Magical coins she had plenty of, Harry wasn't good at math and had just taken out "a couple of bags, just in case we need it." Which translated to being enough to rent a mansion for a couple of years and live like kings. But at the time they had no way of getting it back to Gringotts and Harry didn't see the problem. Now Hermione thanked her friend for being such an idiot, he had saved her a lot of trouble.

She needed to exchange some of it into muggle money, the coins she had were all printed 5~10 years later. And therefore, would be forced to go to Gringotts.

It all went smoothly, to Hermione's surprise. When she exited the bank, however, an owl landed on her shoulder, hooting angrily in her ear. She looked at it in surprise, the creature giving her the stink eye.

"What did I do to you?" she asked, she knew they must be somewhat aware of what people said. Hedwig being a prime example of how smart wizarding owls got.

The owl hooted again and stuck out its leg to give her a letter. Surprised at receiving mail she removed it while scratching the owl, the beige thing purring in her ear, content. Guess it had forgiven her.

When she opened the letter she saw the date and realized why it had been so angry. This must have been the owl she occasionally heard or saw when she was out and about. It had been following her for months.

Dear Hermione Granger

It has come to our attentions that you have not partaken in the Ordinary Wizarding Levels standardized test.

We request your presence at the Ministry of Magic at your earliest convenience to take your O.W.L.s. You are then expected to start schooling at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to go on to N.E.W.T.s as we can't find records of you having a magical guardian.

Failure to comply with these demands will result in an Auror from the Ministry of Magic taking your wand and imprisonment at Azkaban prison.

Signed

Perry S. Huffman

Hermione sighed. So much for staying under the radar.

She went to the Ministry the same day to make appointments to sit her O.W.L.s. The lady that helped her was scandalized when she heard that Hermione was walking around without going to school and had failed to take the standardized test. It turned out to be less about helping her figure out where and when and with whom to take the test with and more about yelling at her.

She fretted, of course, about sitting test she hadn't studied for. But it turned out to be incredibly easy for her and she received full marks in all her subjects.

Leaving the Ministry after getting the results of her tests several weeks later, she felt a strange bubble of excitement in her stomach.

She was going home.

Terribly sorry for my mistake in the last chapter. Somehow my mind thinks 77 and writes 97 -.-

Thanks for the lovely reviews from AliceEnchanted and dani asmar potter who made me aware of this. And thanks for the lovely review from arabellagrace as well as every one of you that has favorites and followed this story.

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