Kurt was actually enjoying his new relationship. He found himself missing Dave less and less and Rachel and Brody were making an effort to get to know Jeff. Rachel had even gone out to lunch with him a few times and had even hung out with Brody playing video games that Kurt would never see the appeal of. He did miss Dave, he wasn't going to say that he didn't, but it was quite clear from the lack of contact he had with Dave, that Dave didn't miss him. Things went nicely for six months, he was starting to feel the pressure from Jeff to take it to the next level, but Kurt wasn't sure if they were ready for that, or if he would ever be.
It was a chilly December evening a few weeks before Christmas, when he was sitting in a Barnes and Noble and drinking coffee, waiting for his boyfriend to join him for a date, when he saw him again.
Dave had clearly been out shopping, because he was loaded down with shopping bags, and the sight of a flushed cheek and practically glowing Dave, made Kurt's heart ache.
Dave spotted him almost instantaneously and walked over to where Kurt was sitting on an overstuffed leather couch.
"Hi, Kurt."
Those two words made Kurt want to crawl in a hole and die and to jump into Dave's arms and kiss him senseless and Kurt realized he was still in love with Dave and had missed him terribly.
Blinking back the tears he was sure were obvious to Dave, he barely whispered a hi back.
Dave sat down beside him and took the book from Kurt's hands,
"Dummies Guide to Relationships, things not going well for you and Jeff?"
Kurt blushed bright red and grabbed the book back.
"Things are fine, David. In fact, if you must know, I was thinking of taking things to the next level with him."
"What do you mean by next level?"
"I mean, moving in together. Our one year anniversary will be in about three months and I was thinking I'd do it then."
"And you need a book to tell you if you're ready for that?"
"No, I was just… why the hell does it matter?"
"Because if you need a book to tell you that, then you're not ready and maybe you'll never be ready."
"Uhh, who the hell do you think you are? You don't speak to me for six months and then tell me I'm not ready to move in with my boyfriend and that I won't ever be ready? You don't get to just come up to me and say things like that anymore."
"I am still your friend, Kurt, and I know that you're not ready to move on with Jeff, when you're still in love with me."
"You have a lot of nerve telling me I'm still in love with you, even though I am with someone new and am in love with him."
"You might love him and think you're in love with him, but you are still in love with me."
"And how the hell do you know this?"
"Rachel. And because I saw your reaction to me saying hi to you."
"You mean the one where I almost cried? That was because I didn't want to see you, David. I am in love with Jeff and I am going to move in with him, whether or not you think it's too soon or whether or not you think I'm in love with you, which I'm not, by the way."
"That's too bad, Kurt."
"Why is that too bad? You don't want me to be happy? You're the only one who is allowed to be with someone else?"
"I'm not with Mac anymore."
Kurt stopped dead in his tracks,
"What do you mean, you're not with Mac anymore?"
"I dumped him. About five months ago, actually."
"You dumped Mac five months ago? And you're just telling me this now? Why even tell me this now?"
"Because I'm in love with you too, Kurt. And I have been since high school. You know that."
"I know that you're in love with me? Well for someone who is in love with me, you sure have been keeping that a secret."
"I was scared. I'm not someone who just has guys throwing themselves at me. Before you and I started hanging out, the only guy that I had ever had feelings for was you. I had never had any other guy tell me they liked me, let alone were in love with me. And honestly, I didn't want you to fall in love with me. I have read enough books and have seen enough movies to know that the person you spend time with you fall for, and I also know your history with Blaine and Adam and I know that you treat your wounds by finding someone new. I didn't want to be your rebound, Kurt. I didn't want to be the guy you were "in love with" for a few months while you got over Adam. Rachel told me when we first started hanging out, how you thought you were in love with Blaine, and then he cheated on you, and then you soothed your wounds by dating Adam, and then you broke up. And then I was there and we were friends and I loved it. Then you told me you loved me and what was I supposed to think? That you just suddenly woke up one day and decided, 'hey the guy who used to bully me and the guy I took pity on by inviting him places in New York is the guy of my dreams and I want to be with him forever?' I'm sure you felt that way about Blaine and Adam and I'm just another guy in a line, until you do find him. And I don't fucking want it to be Jeff, okay? Rachel has been telling me for months that Jeff is there to replace me and that really did love me and that I've been an idiot." Dave stopped talking and looked down at the ground.
Kurt was wavering somewhere between shock, anger, and euphoria.
And then he saw Jeff getting out of a cab and holding a bouquet of Kurt's favorite flowers and in that moment he realized he really was in love with Jeff. He loved him as much as he loved Dave, and it was a different sort of love, but it was still love. He felt guilty then. He didn't want to break Jeff's heart and he didn't want to break Dave's heart, especially not when he had just poured it all over the floor for him.
Dave shuffled his feet back and forth and Kurt realized he was waiting for him to say something.
"Dave, you can't just show up five months after you dump Mac to tell me that you're in love with me and that I can't be happy with my boyfriend. You could have told me this five months ago when I wasn't in love with Jeff, but I am. What were you doing for five months? Why didn't Rachel or Brody tell me?"
"I asked them not to. I was trying to get myself ready. I realized that I still had a lot of crap and issues to deal with that stemmed from high school. I didn't want to tell you back then, because I would not have been ready to be with you and I am happy now and ready to actually let myself love and be with you."
"It's too late, David. I'm sorry."
Kurt really wanted to just lay down on the couch and cry in that moment, when he saw the look of despair cross Dave's face. This was not fair. He shouldn't have to choose between David and Jeff. He shouldn't have to tell someone that he loved that he couldn't be with him.
"I'm not saying that I don't love you or that I want nothing to do with you, I just can't break up with Jeff, because you tell me five months too late that you're in love with me."
"I get it, Kurt. It's fine. We have really terrible timing, apparently. I'm sorry that I bothered you with this."
"Don't say that, David. You are not a bother. Please, don't shut me out." Kurt wanted to hug him tight and reassure him that he cared about him and would always care about him, but David scooted away from him.
Dave scoffed at that, "Really? You're gonna do the whole let's still be friends thing? You were right, friends, lovers or nothing."
Dave stood up, grabbed his bag and pulled something out.
"I got this for you today, I was going to give you this at Christmas, but since we won't be seeing each other anymore, you should have it now."
Kurt opened the box and inside it was a painting. In the painting there was a vase full of Kurt's favorite flowers, tiger lilies. His heart caught in his throat.
Dave cleared his throat, which were thick with tears, "I know you love these flowers and so I had your friend, Emma, paint it. That way these flowers won't die and you can enjoy their beauty forever."
Kurt was so torn, he didn't even know what he wanted anymore. He wanted to be happy and he knew he could be happy with both men, but he was so tired of being hurt and crying, so he made up his mind.
"Thank you, David. I hope you find what you're looking for."
David didn't even look back as he passed Jeff who walked into the store.
"Hey babe, these are for you."
Kurt quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and went to greet his boyfriend with a smile.
He thanked him for the flowers and decided he had made the right choice. He would be with happy with Jeff and Dave would find someone to love, eventually and maybe somewhere down the line they could be friends again.