Rachel called him the next night and tried to convince him to give Dave a chance and he tried to tell her that he loved Jeff, and wanted to be with him. Rachel sighed and gave up. He knew she didn't understand it and wanted him to be with Dave, but he couldn't keep putting himself through the pain. He felt like Dave had been right too. He was one to run from one relationship to the next, trying to soothe his pains, and he did it with sex a lot too. He tried to make himself feel better by going backwards instead of forwards, and he didn't want to be like that anymore.
And he was succeeding, quite well. He had made it to a year and a half. It sucked that he hadn't seen Dave for nine months, but he was now living with Jeff and he was sure in the next few months, Jeff would be popping the question. Rachel kept hinting at it. By now, Rachel and Brody had come to accept that Jeff was a part of their group now, and wasn't going to leave.
And Dave, well Dave was now graduated from college and had moved to Brooklyn, he was going to graduate school and was actively pursuing sports management, and Kurt was happy for him. Rachel told him every so often when he'd start dating someone new, but Dave hadn't met anyone he liked and Kurt sometimes felt bad and guilty for that.
And then Rachel told him she had invited him to a party she was throwing and she understood if Kurt and Jeff didn't want to go, but Jeff really wanted to and Kurt agreed. He figured enough time had passed and he would be fine seeing Dave.
Rachel told him she'd also invited some of their old classmates and friends and he spent the majority of the party reconnecting with old friends, even an old crush named Pietr, a dancer from Russia. They had gone on three dates when they were freshmen, and had remained close friends ever since.
He was wrong. Dave brought Mac and Kurt was miserable the entire night. He loved Jeff, but seeing Dave like this, always made him feel like something was missing, he hated being love with someone and loving someone else and he fucking hated seeing Dave with Mac. He barely said a word to Dave all night and was so ready to get the fuck out of the apartment. He told Rachel he needed some air and walked out on the balcony.
The air was frigid, but Kurt could not get enough in his lungs. He knew Dave had followed him out, he could always feel when Dave was around him. It was like thick air and tension and everything heavy. He fucking hated it.
"Are you mad at me, Kurt?"
Kurt gripped the railing and tried to clear his head.
He finally turned to look at Dave.
"No, why would I be mad at you?"
"I know you don't like Mac and you never did, but I wanted to explain…"
"You don't have to explain anything to me, David. You can be with whoever you want, I don't care."
"But, you don't understand…"
"Don't understand what? I say no to you, so you just run back to your egotistical, manipulative boyfriend? And you tell me I have issues?"
"Fuck you, Kurt. That is not what…"
"I don't want to hear it. Go be happy with Mac. I am happy with Jeff, and I plan on marrying him, so you can stop with the stupid little mind games or trying to make me jealous, because it's not working."
Kurt felt awful and on the verge of tears, but the look that crossed David's face in that moment was the most heart wrenching, devastating look he had ever seen and he felt like shit about himself."
"David, wait.."
"You're right, Kurt. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Have a nice life."
With that, Dave left the party, without Mac, which surprised Kurt.
He begged Jeff to take him home and Jeff agreed.
He spent most of the night stewing about David and the whole situation, when Jeff slammed his coffee mug on the table.
"This shit is so old, Kurt. It's gotta stop."
Kurt jumped a little in shock,
"What are you talking about?"
"This fucking pouting and whining after you see David. I understand that you were best friends and shit went down in the past, but every time you see David, you spent weeks being angry at him and talking nonstop about him. I have never seen you that passionate about anyone or anything, including me and it's making me start to question whether or not you really want to be with me."
Kurt could feel his heart constricting, no, no this was not happening, not after he gave up the opportunity to be with David for Jeff.
"That's preposterous. Of course, I want to be with you. I wouldn't have said yes to moving in with you if I didn't want this."
"Are you sure? Because, I see how you look at him, after one of your fights. I see how angry you get at him and how much you fight with him. We never fight like that, you never get so angry at me that you want to pull your hair out. We're easy and it's nice, but where is the passion or the fight for me? Where is the anger at me for two weeks after we have a fight and trying to psychoanalyze why I said or did something?"
"I don't want to fight with you. That's not the type of relationship we have. You don't know this, but Dave and I have a history that goes back to high school and it wasn't good. We fought, he bullied me, he stole my first kiss, and he almost committed suicide when he got outed and bullied himself. I told him I wanted to help him and be friends with him and I didn't. I abandoned him and I made him feel even worthless and I still live with that guilt and I feel like I can't stop being friends with him, not after everything that we've gone through, he doesn't deserve that."
"And I don't deserve this. I get that Dave has had a hard life, but the way you're acting right now is not fair to either of us. You might be in love with me, but I think you are in love with him too, and I'm not willing to settle for half of your heart, Kurt. So figure out what is you want, who it is you want, and let me know, because I really do fucking love you with my whole heart. I'm going to go stay with my sister in Queens for a few weeks and when I get back, you either stay with me and we get married, or you don't, but we are not doing this anymore."
Jeff got up and grabbed his things and kissed Kurt goodbye. Kurt sat on the couch for an hour trying to process what happened. He was so confused, because he did love Jeff and it would be so easy to just go after him tonight and tell him he didn't need the time, that he'd marry him and be happy and he honestly believed he could be, but he was also so mad at David, for fucking his life up and making him ache and hurt and want things he shouldn't want.
He had called Rachel who got excited, until she realized that a very pissed off, slightly buzzed Kurt was not going to get his man, but going to break it even further and she begged him to just sleep it off, but he refused, so she gave him Dave's new address.
He found himself outside of Dave's apartment in Brooklyn two hours later. It was three in the morning and he didn't give a fuck if he woke up Dave's entire neighborhood, they were going to fucking have it out and be done with it. He was tired of this stupid fucking game.
Dave finally answered the door and looked in shock and Kurt.
"What the fuck, Kurt? Three in the morning? You couldn't wait another two months to fucking piss all of my heart? You wanted a second round?"
"Stop talking, David."
Kurt pushed him back inside and slammed the door.
"I fucking cannot stand you."
"Thanks."
"Seriously, you had no fucking right to tell me in December that you were in love with me and wanted me to break up with Jeff. None."
"And you had a right to do it to me when I was with Mac?"
"Stop turning this around one me. You want to know what happened tonight after you came after me on the balcony? Jeff left me. He told me he wasn't willing to settle for half my heart and I came to tell you that he has my whole heart now, and whatever I thought I might have felt for you is long gone."
"Oh really? You're telling me, that you don't feel anything for me anymore? You're really going to stand there and tell me that you came all the way to Brooklyn to tell me that Jeff isn't right and that you aren't in love with me? I don't believe you. You really don't feel anything for me?"
"Oh no, I feel something for you alright, that would be anger and hatred and unadulterated loathing. You and I are done for good."
"Well then, fine, leave and don't come back. Because if you walk out this door, I'm going to move on and I will never look back. I don't care if you break up with Jeff a week from now and you come crawling back, I will be done with this shit. You and I will never be friends again."
"Yeah, right, David. I find that hilarious. The guy who has pined after me since high school is just going to 'move on'.
"You really think that you're so special that I should sit around and pine after you, even after you pull shit like this? You are not the motherfucking Mona Lisa of relationships, Kurt, you are a pain in the ass and a bitch to me at least 75% of the time, and you really think I couldn't find someone else to love and give my heart to? Fuck you."
"You are so fucking aggravating, you know that? I'm a pain in the ass? You're the one who made me fall in love with you, and then rubbed it in my face every fucking chance he got. You're the one who left me flat for six months while you were with the 'love of your life', and the one who came to me begging me for a chance after you broke my fucking heart. An then you showed up tonight with Mac again to rub it in my face that because I said no, you're back with him? You really think you're not culpable in this mess?"
"I know I am, fancy. But you should know that Mac and I are not together. He was there because Rachel was trying to hook Mac and Pietr up. You really think I'd get back together with him? You were right about him. There, is that what you were waiting on me to say? He was a fucking douche who cheated on me and broke my heart. I admitted you and you were right. You don't think I don't know what our relationship would be like? If this is any indication, it mean it will be fucking messy and hurt a lot, but I'm not scared anymore, I'm willing to fight with you, and be broken for you, if it means that I get to be with you, the way that I want."
"Oh really? I'm such a pain in the ass, but you'd put up with me anyway, because your such a saint, fuck you."
By this time, his face is mere inches away from Dave's and their breathing heavily and Kurt isn't thinking and then he's kissing Dave, and Dave is kissing him back.
And he's being spun around and pressed against the wall and Dave's tongue is in his mouth and his cock is now hard and leaking and he just wants to get Dave out of his system. This isn't about love or tenderness or even kindness, it's about satisfying his wants and needs.
And he tells Dave to get his clothes off and he figures if Dave doesn't want this to happen he'll say no, but figures Dave wants this too.
He lets Dave take him to his bed and when he feels Dave's mouth on him, he tells himself even if it's the best, blowjob he's ever received this is a one-time thing. He is going back to Jeff and forgetting about this fucking messed up relationship with Dave. It didn't work in high school and it doesn't work now.
And when Dave is rimming him and preparing him and worshipping him with his tongue and whispering endearments in his skin, he doesn't let the tears escape his eyelids. He enjoys it for what it is, closure.
And then he's being fucked hard and he convinces himself that his cries are about the pressure on his prostate, not the feelings that Dave stirs inside of him, has always stirred inside of him.
Then he's coming and he doesn't quite expect it, and it's hot and he's trying to catch his breath and he tells Dave to stop and he knows that Dave hasn't come yet, and in that moment he doesn't care. He just wants out of the room, out of the apartment, to be far away from David, because he was wrong, once would never be enough, but didn't want to commit to David, knowing that at any moment, they could fight and it would be the end. He knows then, he needs to get therapy, he needs to find himself and he's not being fair to David or Jeff or even himself.
Dave is so concerned, thinking he injured Kurt and is apologizing and is close to tears and Kurt just wants to tell him it's nothing like that, but he doesn't, he lets Dave feel like shit, as he gets dressed.
Dave comes up behind him and asks him one simple question,
"So this is what you choose? This is it?"
"No, David. This is not it. You really think we'll ever be over?"
"What do you mean?"
"I need to go take care of myself for a while. You were right, I am fucked up and I don't want to be. I want to be able to say that I love you and say that I won't leave you. But I can't right now, and that's not fair to you or Jeff."
"Jeff."
"I really do love him, David, and I can't just end things like that. I don't want to be that guy who leaves someone and then jumps into something new. You don't deserve to be anyone's rebound, especially not mine, especially when I know what we could be, what you want for us to be and I can't give that to you right now. And I'm sorry."
"So where does that leave us?"
"I don't know. I can't give you that answer right now. I can tell you that I do love you and I will always love you, but I can't be with your right now and if that day comes, I will find you and tell you what you need to hear from me, but please don't wait around for that day."
Dave just shrugged his shoulders, "I can't promise you anything, but I'll try."
Kurt pulls Dave in and kisses him goodbye, and he can taste the mix of tears on his lips and he just wants to stay and tell him he'll give him the rest of the night, but that's not enough for either of them. So he says goodbye.