If anything had happened between the last time they had spontaneous thank you sex and three weekends later, Kurt couldn't come up with an answer. All he knew was that Dave was acting stranger than normal. They got along fine, as fine as two men pretending to be in love and married could. Dave didn't antagonize him and Kurt gave Dave all the space he could, but Dave was acting increasingly distant almost to the point of cold.
Kurt wanted more than anything to just ask him what his problem was, to see if he could fix what he had probably done unknowingly to piss Dave off. But his answer came the next morning. He was drinking tea and reading a Beatles biography. It had been a stressful week of work and with Dave ignoring him outside of asking him if he had anything to put on the grocery list or if he had seen his favorite Ohio State t-shirt, he had spent a lonely Friday night watching Netflix and eating cookie dough. Dave had left that morning to have breakfast with Azimio. Rachel was still in Lima too after Brody had dumped her and moved out of their loft. Kurt was about to call her when he heard the doorbell ring.
He hadn't been expecting anyone and thought Dave might have locked himself out of the pool house. He went to the door and saw Rachel. He smiled and opened the door for her. "I was just thinking about calling you!"
"Good timing, I guess."
She moved into the house and sat down on the couch. Kurt knew instantly something was wrong, because Rachel usually launched into a tirade about Finn or Brody whenever they hung out together since the Las Vegas episode.
"What's up, Rachel?"
"What do you mean? Can't a girl visit her best friend?"
"Sure, but I know you too well to know that this is a social call."
"I really don't want to say what I have to say."
"Just spit it out."
"Dave isn't really having breakfast with Azimio."
Kurt didn't know what to make of that.
"Okay. So who is he having breakfast with?"
"Promise me that you will not freak out when I tell you."
"Just tell me, Rachel."
"He is having breakfast with Jamie."
"Jamie? As in the Jamie who dumped him, his ex Jamie?"
"Well, apparently about two weeks after he went back to Chicago, Jamie showed up at Dave's apartment to get some of his stuff back and they talked."
"And?"
"And, Jamie and Dave realized how much they loved and missed each other. And Jamie decided to give Dave another chance."
Kurt felt as if his heart dropped from his chest. So that's why the "friends with benefits" thing only happened once. He wasn't sure if he wanted to just let it go and try to move on for real and be happy for Dave or get some real closure and just close the chapter on their story forever.
"Are you going to say anything?"
"I don't know what to say. I mean, he's back with his ex. So I guess that's that then."
"That's not really, all."
"What?"
"Jamie proposed to him last night."
"Oh." Kurt felt his heart rip in that moment. He knew what was coming next.
"Let me guess, and now that he has someone he wants to marry for real, he's ready for a divorce?"
"I didn't want to be the one who told you, but Dave let it slip and told me everything about your arrangement and I told him that he's being a real jerk about this whole thing."
"It's fine, Rachel. It had to end at some point. I'm just glad it happened before I really fell in love with him."
"Don't lie to me, Kurt. I know this fucking hurts. I know that you are sad that Dave wants to marry someone else. It's written all over your face."
"Fine. You're right. I'm fucking destroyed right now! The man that I am in love with and have been for a long time doesn't want me. In fact, he wants me so little that he suggest friends with benefits with me and then has sex with me one time when I was the only available option and at first opportunity, he finds a way to break my heart and make me feel like a worthless piece of shit."
Kurt was openly sobbing by this point and hugging his knees to his chest. He just wanted the hurt to go away. His heart was decimated and he didn't want to do it anymore. Rachel was quick to hold him and let him cry it out.
"Kurt, listen to me. You know that I love you and Dave both. You have become my two best friends in the entire world. I know that you are hurt right now and I know that it sucks, trust me I have been there, but you are not worthless. You are amazing and funny and intelligent and creative and brilliant. Everything about you is phenomenal. I know that Dave can't or refuses to see it, but you should not base your self worth on one man. So Dave loves someone else, you will find someone that will adore you for who you are. Hold out for that. Don't try to cling to someone who wants someone else. It never does anything but make you feel worse."
Kurt continued to weep into his shirt.
"It's okay to cry, Kurt. Cry as long as you need to, but tomorrow you and I are going to go back to New York and we are going to find ourselves two gorgeous men who worship the ground we walk on and we'll never look back."
Kurt laughed through his tears at that,
"Thank you, Rachel."
Rachel continued to hold him as he cried.
Rachel left about four hours later with the promise to pick him up in the morning to go to the airport.
Then he was left alone in the pool house. He felt numb inside as if he had cried every single tear he had and there were no more tears left for Dave or the situation he was in. He sat staring at the blank television wondering if he'd ever feel alive again.
He was still sitting there when Dave entered the house. By this time it was nearly dark outside and Kurt had not moved from his spot on the couch. Dave turned the lights on and was startled by Kurt.
"Holy shit, Kurt! Don't do that."
Kurt's voice even sounded tired and monotonous,
"Do what?"
"Why are you sitting in the dark?"
"Why not?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Kurt, what is going on?"
Dave sat down beside Kurt and looked at him with his concerned look.
Something snapped inside Kurt and he let all the anger and confusion and hurt that he had been carrying around go.
"Don't fucking do that, David."
David sat back in shock,
"Do what?"
"Pretend like you give a shit about me. I'm not fine, David. I'm not fine at all. But I will be. I'm going back to New York City and I'm going to live a fabulous life. I am going to be motherfucking Kurt Hummel and I will be fabulous. So you don't have to worry about me ever again."
"Where the hell is this coming from?"
"Seriously? You're going to feign innocence? Fine. I am just tired of you using me when it's convenient for you. I get that I screwed up in high school, I do. I get that you never got over me abandoning you and not following through with friendship. I get that I broke your number on fucking rule of falling in love with you, but I am a fucking human being. I'm not perfect. I've never pretended to be perfect and I get that you had me on a pedestal and expected it of me, but no more. I'm done."
"I never expected that, Kurt. Trust me I know that you have flaws. I've seen them in action."
"Great, fine, David. I have flaws, I'm not perfect and that's as good a reason as any to treat me like I'm worthless. Fine."
"Seriously what has gotten into you?"
"Well you have unfortunately and now I'm definitely regretting that one."
"You regret having sex with me?"
"I regret it all, Dave. I regret meeting you again and becoming friends with you and falling in love with you, because in the end all I did was end up hurt."
"By your own doing, I might add."
"My own doing?" Right, because you are a paragon of virtue and did nothing wrong, ever when it comes to our relationship."
"I admit that I may not have always been the most mature, but I never purposely hurt you like you hurt me."
"How do you figure that, Dave? You ran from relationship to relationship after I told you the first time I was in love with you. You show up randomly and tell me you love me too and want to be with me and when I try to give you what you wanted, an assurance that I would never leave you, you give up on us and go to another relationship."
"So, I'm just sit around and pine for you and wait for you to grow the fuck up and stop being a commitmentphobe?
"You really think that I'm the commitmentphobe here? No, David. I was trying to get myself better so I could commit to you all the way. I told you, I want to work on myself and get therapy so that I can be worthy of you and be ready to give you all of me. David, you are the one who told me "don't fall in love with me", because you are terrified that I might actually really be in love with you and want to be with you. Instead of giving your heart all the way, you choose to run after other men who you think are easier or more likely to just stay in a bad relationship."
"I love Jamie."
"Right, just like you loved Mac and Sebastian."
"How dare you bring up those relationships? You ruined both of those for me!"
"I did not ruin anything, David. Mac and Sebastian were both manipulative, selfish assholes and you know it."
"Sebastian saved my fucking life you jackass."
"That's what I let you believe, David."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"That means that it wasn't Sebastian who spent every night with you for almost two weeks telling you he loved you and that he wanted you to wake up. It wasn't Sebastian who sang to you and told you that if you woke up, he'd love you forever."
"Yes it was. I remember him telling me that I would be the Gilbert Blythe to his Anne Shirley."
"That was me, David."
David's face turned white at that,
"What? Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"Because you told me you loved him and wanted to be with him. So I tried to let you."
"Right, and by trying to let me be with my boyfriend, you mean helping Blaine break us up."
"Nope. The only night Blaine and I fucked with you was the night at the coffee house. Blaine told you that we were together, when it was not true. I never got back with Blaine. I hung out with him and talked to him, but I didn't have sex with him and I sure as hell didn't love him again."
"Why are you telling me this now?"
"Because, Rachel told me."
"Rachel told you what?"
"About Jamie."
"What about Jamie?"
I'm letting you be free and clear once and for all, David. I'm just getting this off my chest, because I want closure. So here it is. I will probably always be in love with you and feel pangs of jealousy and hurt whenever I hear about how happy you are with him. I will always cherish the times we did have together and I'll always be grateful that we reconnected. I know I said earlier that I didn't, but it's a lie. However, I'm going back to New York City. It's where I belong and I'm not coming back to Lima again to do this charade with you. You can send me divorce papers or I can have them drawn up. You can let Rachel know what you want.
Kurt stopped talking and watched Dave's face. He looked sad, but overall he just looked relieved and that was the closure Kurt needed. Dave didn't love him anymore and maybe never actually had and for the first time in a long time, he was just done caring.
"I never meant to hurt you, Kurt. I hope you know that."
"Frankly, Dave, I don't give a damn. You did and I'm done letting you. Have a good life in Chicago. I choose nothing."
Dave looked confused at that,
"What do you mean you choose nothing?"
"The song from the John Mayer concert. Friends, Lovers, or Nothing. I choose nothing. It's just the way it has to be. Maybe years down the road we can reconnect again and be friends, but right now it hurts too much. Tell your Grandma Sue, I said I'm sorry and that I love her."
Kurt walked into his bedroom and grabbed the bags Rachel had packed for him. He left without another look at Dave. He was ready to go home and find that man Rachel had promised him.