Another week had gone by, leaving Draco feeling even worse than he had the first time he'd really caught sight of Granger's arm. She would no longer look at him and there were no long any polite 'hellos' or the odd conversation about her book. Draco would have been fine, had it been like this the entire year, but it hadn't. For maybe a week and a half Granger hadn't hated him and now that he was sure she did, he didn't know what to do. He'd only needed one person not to hate him; he'd needed one person who didn't make him feel like the scum of the earth and then he would have been fine. And if that one person just had to be Granger well, he'd been dealing with his feelings on that. He barely even minded; Granger wasn't all bad.
But he'd flinched, when she'd grabbed his hand to heal it. He'd flinched and Granger thought it was because she'd touched him, when in reality it was because of the cuts from the glass on his hand. They hurt, a lot; he had been stupid to try and pick up that mess with his hands. But that wasn't all. It was his left hand that had been injured. If, by some chance, his sleeve had been rolled up then Granger would have seen the dark mark on his forearm; people saw that enough as it is but Draco didn't want Granger to be one of those people. He didn't want her to see just how bad he was, because then she would hate him even more.
"Mr. Malfoy!"
Draco jumped slightly, though not enough for anyone in his Astronomy class to notice. It was half past midnight and they really should have been in bed by then, but Professor Sinistra had observed something that she believed was amazing and they all had to spot it before they could go. There were maybe five students left; the others had all been lucky and cared enough to look really closely for what she described and spot it, but Draco had spent most of his time angrily staring at the sky through his telescope, wondering why everything with Granger had to be so difficult. "What?" he asked rudely, glaring at the professor now instead of the sky.
Her eyes narrowed slightly and Draco sighed, folding his arms across his chest. "If you haven't noticed, everyone else has gone," she began, gesturing to the empty Astronomy Tower. Draco frowned; he hadn't actually noticed them leave which might have been bad, but his mind was too busy to pay attention to those he didn't care about. "Obviously you're not going to find it. Go to bed, Mr. Malfoy,"
He packed up without another word, trying to get back to the common room as quickly as possible. Draco had no idea why he'd continued with Astronomy; he'd never liked it and he absolutely hated the Astronomy Tower. He'd been good at it, yes, never as good as Granger, but for some reason he'd just wanted to have a class he could do easily. He'd underestimated how much more difficult the class would be during the last two years of Hogwarts. Draco got back to the common room and frowned. There she was, sitting on the sofa, reading a book like he always saw her doing when he came out of his room in the morning. Draco wanted to walk past her so he wouldn't be tempted to comment on the fact that she was awake. From what he could see she looked very tired and Draco just wanted to push her into her room so she would sleep. Instead she sat up reading; he couldn't understand it. Half hoping that Granger wouldn't notice him slip in, Draco began to walk around the edge of the common room to get to his own room. Granger's curt voice stopped him. "You should have been back ages ago,"
"I don't need you to tell me when I should have come back. Maybe I was doing something important," Draco retorted, pausing between Granger and Abbott's door. He was behind her now and Granger was still looking at her book. He was half hoping that she wouldn't say anything else and just let him go to bed, but, as usual, he didn't get what he wanted.
"And were you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Were you doing something important? Because I highly doubt it,"
"What's got you all upset tonight?"
"Nothing," Granger snapped. There was a long pause where Draco considered just running to his room and leaving her on the sofa, but something kept him standing behind her. "Ronald," she said finally, giving him the answer Draco realized he should have expected.
"You should know he'll do stuff like that. He is an idiot after all,"
Granger sighed and Draco saw her shake her head slightly before she stood up from the sofa. "Idiotic. I should have known,"
"Should have known what?"
"That's none of your business, Malfoy,"
"He really put you in a bad mood, didn't he," Draco said, standing in front of Granger's door now with his arms crossed. She was glaring at him but she'd also peaked his interest and he wanted to know what Weasley had done to upset her so much.
"Yes," Granger said, walking to stand in front of him. She folded her arms too and glared at him, which made the corner of Draco's mouth twitch up. "Now move,"
"You know last week-"
"I don't want to talk about last week,"
"Because?"
"I think you know why, Malfoy,"
"I think-"
"I don't care what you think about last week. I was trying to help you and you were rude about it, end of story-"
"You know if you just listened to someone else for once-"
"I don't need to listen to you,"
"But I-"
"I know what happened last week, Malfoy, you don't need to explain why you-"
"I didn't want you to see it, that's all," Draco said quietly; for some reason he actually cared about what Granger was thinking and he didn't want her to assume he was awful. "That's why I flinched, not because you touched me, because I didn't want you to see,"
"You didn't want me to see what, Malfoy?" Granger asked, looking confused again. Draco still hated that expression on her; he was used to seeing her as confident and as sure as humanly possible, but confusion? That had rarely happened before this year.
"Think it through, Granger. What hand was hurt?"
"Your left, but-"
"And what would you have seen if my sleeve had slipped up?"
"Your arm?"
Draco rolled his eyes; she had to be really tired if she wasn't understanding what he was trying to say. Maybe Granger had never known him very well, but she knew what he was. She knew that he was a Death Eater and she knew what that meant he would be branded with. "Connect the dots, Granger. What am I?"
There was a lot of silence following his quiet words and Granger began to frown, her brow furrowed as she looked at him. "You're-oh,"
He nodded, feeling more shame than he had in a while. It's not like he wanted Granger to think about how awful of a person he was; he didn't want her to avoid him if she thought about it too much. And he knew she would; he knew it. He sighed and shook his head. "It doesn't matter, I guess-"
Draco stopped talking as Granger reached out and gently grabbed his arm. He could only stare as she pushed his sleeve up and frowned at his arm. Draco felt nothing but disgust as he looked down at his own arm so he squirmed, wishing Granger would just let him go so the mark wouldn't have to be seen by the both of them. Granger was too good to look at a mark like that, in his opinion. "Everyone seems to care about whether or not someone has this mark or not," she stated.
"I know, I-Please don't look-"
"I don't," she said quietly, still staring at the mark as her fingers gently brushed it. She dropped his arm and looked at his face, her cheeks warming much like his own were. "Care, that is, Malfoy. That's from the past,"
"But I fought on-"
"A side you were forced on to, right? Do you honestly want that mark?"
"Well, no, but-"
"Then it doesn't matter, not to me. You're not actually that bad, Malfoy, so stop thinking that you are,"
"You don't think him..." he trailed off, his brow furrowing at her words. How could Granger, out of everyone, think that he wasn't that bad? Granger was amazing; she was a hero to everyone from the war and he was a Death Eater who could have killed her friends. And he wasn't that bad? "How could you...?"
"The past is a scary place to live, Malfoy. And I try not to dwell on it very much," There was something guarded about the way she spoke that made Draco frown slightly, but at the same time he wanted to smile. Granger didn't hate him; she didn't want to hate him either. And maybe there was something that she wasn't telling him, but how could he expect her to spill her secrets when he wouldn't do the same?
"You would know, seeing battle flashbacks as often as you do,"
Granger smiled slightly and Draco noticed that she was looking rather tired. "Right. With just the flashbacks,"
"Well I can't think of another reason-"
"There isn't another one," Granger said quickly. It became obvious to him that there was something she was hiding, but Draco kept quiet and finally stepped out of her way. He didn't want to upset her anymore; she'd just said something nice and it would be rude to do something irritating in return. In the past Draco would have cared; he would have gladly made fun of her or made some rude comment. But Granger was right; maybe the past was better forgotten. Draco knew he was trying to forget about how he'd acted and the part he'd played in the war and while it was probably harder for him than for Granger, he would manage. He'd have to.
An instant later, all he could think was shit. Since when had he ever cared about what Granger thought of him? Since when had he cared about what the incredibly annoying know-it-all had thought of him? He shouldn't need her kind words to make himself feel better; he shouldn't need anything from Granger, ever. And he was absolutely furious that he'd come to needing that from the likes of her. True she wasn't as bad as Potter and she definitely wasn't as bad as that stupid prat Weasley, but she was still a Gryffindor who had hated him from day one. Maybe things had changed for her, but that wasn't something Draco was incredibly prepared for. Did he want to be a better person? Yes. Did he want to be a better man than his father? Yes. Did he want Granger to be involved in his life? Not a chance in the world. At least, that was what he told himself as Granger stared at him warily. She yawned, seeming to have no knowledge of the struggle Draco was having in his own head. He wanted to never speak to her again; he wanted to call her filthy names and still feel as amazing as he had when she'd muttered those stupid words about the past belonging in the past. A small part of him, and this was a part Draco was beginning to despise, wanted to listen to her and forget the past; maybe start over and try and become her-No. He wouldn't let himself think that word when it came to her.
"I-I guess I'll see you in the morning?" Granger asked, frowning at something. Draco couldn't be sure what without asking and with his current dilema, he didn't want to ask.
"Yeah, whatever," he said coldly, turning on his heel and slamming the door to his bedroom shut behind him. He sighed and ran his hands over his face before yanking off his long sleeved shirt and holding his arm, staring at it. Granger had touched his arm-the mark-tenderly, as if she...as if she didn't care what it signified. As if it didn't disgust her or make her want to vomit; that's what it did to him, anyway. Draco released his arm as another wave of disgust washed over him. He walked toward his window and threw it open, half afraid that it would break again and Granger would barge into his room to fix it again. He didn't want her in his room again; it was so dark and she was so- "Shut the hell up," he muttered angrily, wishing his thoughts would just disappeare completely. All thoughts of Granger needed to stop. It would do him no good.
He shivered slightly as the cold washed over his bare skin, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep and he didn't know what else to do.