I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. I really appreciate that you're all taking the time to drop a comment. And since I can't PM anonymous reviewer melanie, your answer is here: Things are sweeter when they're rare, but don't ever hesitate to leave a little review, because yours was lovely.
So this chapter is in a new POV. Alicia's storyline was one of the first I came up with, though it gradually faded to almost nothingness to the profit of Hermione's. I still like her.
It's also quite a long chapter, 7k or so, which just goes to show that at first she was going to have a lot more space in this fic. Her plot has greatly been moved to the second year after the war, but some major bits remain.
Anyway, read on, and this time I really promise the good Dramione stuff is coming. ^^
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Chapter 18
Coward
27th September, 1998
Alicia Spinnet was the greatest coward the wizarding world had ever had, and she was bloody tired of everyone telling her she was "so, so brave." Even reporters thought she was brave.
She'd been interviewed more times than she could count since the end of the war. The interviews always presented her as someone with a promising future, ruined by the war, someone who had been feisty, cheerful, and above all, brave. She was nothing like that. Yes, she'd lost the use of one leg; yes, she was always smiling "despite it all" and yes, she'd duelled against Rodolphus Lestrange and knocked him out during the Battle of Hogwarts... but in the one area that really mattered, namely being there for her friends, she was worse than even George.
The last time they'd met up, back in July, they had exchanged excuses: Lee was spending as much time as he could outside of his Auror duties looking after George, and Angelina split her time between George and extensive training as third reserve Chaser for Puddlemere United (Oliver had put in a word for her). Alicia could only say she'd been busy.
She didn't even have a job; the Healers had advised her against getting a desk job because "moving around" was the best way to heal her leg – and they weren't even sure that would work –, and she couldn't properly do any kind of job that required walking. Aurors needed to be quick on their feet, which she definitely wasn't. And despite all her bravado at the celebration for the rebuilding of Hogwarts a few months before, Alicia wasn't at all sure she could still fly, let alone play Quidditch.
She didn't need to work, anyway; the monthly compensation she received from the Ministry as a "casualty of war" was more than enough to pay the rent for the run-down dump of a flat she called home. Even her parents didn't know where she lived, though she regularly sent them owls to tell them she was fine.
When Lee's owl – Pimny – had tapped on her window the previous night, she hadn't been thrilled to hear from her friend. He didn't often write, which suited her just fine because she never wanted to write back. She was mentally preparing herself to answer briefly with her now-usual I'm busy, glad to hear from you – or better yet, no reply at all – as she untied the envelope from around the Pimny's outstretched leg. Pimny disappeared into the night, which Alicia supposed meant Lee didn't even expect an answer anymore.
She slipped the envelope under her pillow, without quite knowing why, and fell back to sleep.
The truth was, of course, that she'd been avoiding them. Avoiding everyone she'd known at Hogwarts. She wasn't the only one to have chosen this course of action, but she was one of the few who couldn't explain why. She couldn't claim it was despair or guilt that kept her away, because as far as everyone knew, she had only lost a friend, one she wasn't all that close too. And she couldn't have saved Fred; she hadn't been anywhere near him when he died. And if she even hinted that she didn't want anyone to see her because of her leg, her parents and friends would have murdered her.
Besides, she wasn't good enough a liar to make them believe such a petty excuse.
She couldn't tell them the real reason she couldn't see them. Or rather, the reason they couldn't see her.
So she lived in this flat, in the middle of what wasn't the most recommended Muggle neighbourhood in Northern England, with neighbours she didn't know and didn't care to know and would probably hate if she knew. There was a grassy area in the not-so-close vicinity, for the little-loved kids in the neighbourhood to play football, but the goal posts were rusty from lack of care, the "grass" was plastic and it was too far away for most of the kids, who didn't own racing bikes or cars. And there was a butcher and a post office down the street. That was about it, as far as Alicia knew.
She herself liked the improvised football field because it was quiet, lonely and peaceful, despite being ugly as hell. She often went there and lay down in the grass, not moving, not doing anything for hours. It felt good. And, she figured, she enjoyed so few things nowadays that she could allow herself to be a little weird.
That day, it was raining. She didn't mind too much. However, the usual silence was broken, and not by Alicia. Not by birds chirping or a dog barking, but by...
She shot straight up, jolting her spine with the brutality of the movement, and gaped. There, about two hundred metres above her head, something was circling around the little football field. It was too big to be a bird, unless it was an ostrich; and ostriches, as far as Alicia knew, couldn't fly. Also, its flying pattern was too irregular; even though it was going around and around the field like a vulture circling its prey, it sometimes shot up higher, then just as suddenly swooped back down, or swerved tightly to –
She drew in a sharp breath as the object suddenly dove towards the ground, then tilted back up at the last moment and more or less skidded to a stop.
The broom's rider dismounted, took off his goggles, and leaned on his broom like he was tired. A wizard, flying in a Muggle public area, without even putting up a single Muggle-repellent spell! This was simply... crazy.
Alicia grabbed her crutches, swung herself into a standing position quicker than she'd have thought possible, and said angrily, "Have you lost your mind?"
The wizard jumped and whirled around, pointing his wand at her. "Obliv –"
"Silencio!" Alicia cried reflexively, whipping her own wand out. She almost sighed with relief when she saw she had been quick enough. "Expelliarmus," she said quietly, taking the wand away from the idiot wizard. "Are you a complete fool? Do you even know where we are? This is a Muggle neighbourhood! How can you even think of flying here, let alone up and do it without setting up so much as single charm!"
The wizard looked at her sullenly, and Alicia sighed and muttered the counter-curse.
"I'm not an idiot," the wizard said, pulling his leather helmet off and shaking down a stream of long, dark hair (Not a wizard, Alicia realised, but a witch).
"Oh yeah? I live here, for Merlin's sake! What do you think would happen if Muggles suddenly realised that wizards actually exist?" She'd have to move and find a new hiding place, that was what would happen. "And – and besides that, it's completely illegal!"
"No need to be such a buzz-kill," the girl said, in such a sulky, juvenile voice that Alicia, upon taking another, closer look at her, realised she couldn't be older than fifteen. "I do this all the time. I've never been caught before. Come to think of it, what is a witch your age doing around here?" She cocked her head. "Shouldn't you be somewhere like at work?"
"Shouldn't someone your age be at school at this hour?" Alicia countered.
"It's my day off."
"It's Tuesday."
"That's what I said."
"Under-age magic outside of school and in a Muggle neighbourhood," Alicia said. "Care to know how many laws you just broke?"
"No," the girl snapped, and suddenly her eyes widened in recognition. "Hey! I know you!"
"Hardly."
"No, no – I know who you are," the girl said quickly, almost excitedly. "You're Alicia Spinnet!"
Alicia faltered, and her left crutch slipped forward three inches in the mud. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"I've been reading the articles. You were with the Tornadoes."
"I'm telling you –"
"I recognized you because of the crutches," the kid went on. "You don't really look like the picture in Seeker Secrets."
She remembered that one. Vaguely. The interviewer had gone on and on about how Quidditch was over for her and how she'd never be a main team player for the Tornadoes until she'd snapped and told them that the day she gave up Quidditch, she'd stick her broom up their arse. That edition had been called Quidditch Players Crippled in War. Hers wasn't the only interview (which made her wonder just how many others had been injured), and it definitely wasn't the best, but she was pleased to see they hadn't cut out the broom-up-your-arse part. She'd cut the article out and framed it in her room.
She'd only done that for the first three interviews before they'd started to sicken her.
"That one was taken years ago," she explained, because really, what was the point in denying it? The kid already knew. "Two, I think. Okay, back to the matter at hand. What's your name?"
"Candy."
Alicia eyed her. "Your real name."
"So you can tell the Ministry? I don't think so." 'Candy' pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. "Hey, do you want to?"
Alicia looked at her quizzically, and when Candy thrust the broom into her hands, she backed away quickly, like it was a poisonous snake. So quickly, in fact, that her crutches couldn't follow. Her right crutch slipped, and Alicia followed.
She landed on her right arm and heard only a sickening crunch before everything went black.
"Alicia," an all-too familiar voice said warmly. "I have to say, we weren't expecting you back this soon."
Alicia opened her eyes, blinked at the sterile white harshness of the walls, and came face to face with Healer Malyna Kane.
"Oh," she said, and then, "Shit."
Malyna – they were on first-name terms now – had been the Healer who had treated her while she was recovering after the battle. Those weren't good memories, and even though Malyna was a fairly pleasant woman, just seeing her again was enough to take Alicia's already not-so-good mood down a notch.
Plus the fact that she was obviously at St. Mungo's. Again.
"I've missed you too," Malyna said, smiling. "How are you feeling?"
"Lousy," Alicia said honestly. "What happened?"
"You were brought here by a kid. She said you'd slipped on your crutches and fainted. As it turns out, your wrist is broken, so I suppose you can be happy you were unconscious. It does hurt a bit."
"I fainted?" Was that supposed to be normal?
Malyna looked uneasy. "Well... We're not sure, but it's probably linked to the fact that you're not fully recovered yet... head trauma maybe, from when that curse hit you."
Alicia self-consciously raised a hand to the scar on her temple. "Head trauma?" she repeated, not surprised to hear her voice rise an octave. "What do you mean, head trauma? You didn't say anything about lasting head trauma last time I was here."
For the first time since Alicia had known her, Malyna's ever-present smile flitted into an expression of annoyance.
"We're wizards, Alicia, not superheroes. There's a limit to what we can do. That scar is dark magic, and we don't often meddle in dark magic. In all honesty, you could be about to grow horns and we wouldn't know about it."
"I didn't need to hear that," Alicia told her. "Really."
Malyna laughed. "You're in such a bad mood, Alicia. How can you be at a time like this?"
"I don't see what's so joyous about this 'time.'"
She wasn't sure Malyna heard her.
"When can I leave?"
The Healer looked troubled. "Well... right now, actually. Your arm is healed; broken bones are easy enough to take care of. But are you sure you want to –"
"Of course I'm sure," Alicia interrupted impatiently. "I have things to do."
Malyna brightened. "Oh, so that's it. Well, you know the way."
"Yeah," she said, pushing herself off the bed.
Malyna handed her her crutches and, with an outstretched arm, helped her find her balance. "See you, Alicia."
"Merlin, I hope not," she replied, and Malyna laughed.
"I suppose you're right."
Alicia swung her way down the corridors, attracting surprised glances from the people she passed. Her choice of mobility aid was unusual in the wizarding world, where most people preferred the highly comfortable, highly practical and highly mobile magical wheelchairs. But Alicia had taken one look at the chair and said, No, thank you. She couldn't imagine sitting all the time. Besides, Malyna had said – jokingly, but still – that her good leg would atrophy if she chose that option, and Alicia wasn't risking that.
Also, there was no way that chair would fit through the tiny door to her even tinier apartment.
She had gotten better at using crutches and was accumulating more upper-body strength. At this rate, if she ever did fly again she'd be more suited to be a Beater.
Beater, she repeated, her lips silently forming the word, and a familiar, sick feeling formed in her stomach. Beater. Beater, Fred, George, Lee, Ange, lies...
"Ouch!"
Lost in thought, Alicia had swung her crutches forward without looking... and had accidentally hit someone with them. She looked up, started to apologise, and froze.
"I'm sorry," the other said, then looked at her. "Alicia!"
"Lee," she said, trying and failing to sound enthusiastic. "What are you doing here?"
"Same as you, I suppose," he said, grinning widely. "I've left George with Ange so I could come. So, have you seen her? How is she?"
"Seen her?"
"Oh, you know what I mean! Have you spoken to her? What's she like? Did she ask a lot of questions?" A shadow passed over Lee's face. "About Fred?"
"Lee, calm down. I have no idea what you're talking about."
His frown deepened, and something a lot like anger lowered his voice. "What do you mean, you don't know what I'm talking about? Didn't you read my letter?"
Oh, shit.
"Er," she said. "I forgot."
"Forgot? I sent it yesterday!"
Alicia juggled with her crutches so she could search her pockets. "It's here somewhere – I think – well, it should be – here it is."
The envelope was still tightly sealed.
"Right," Lee said, his jaw clenched tight. "Okay. So you don't write for months. You don't visit for months. You don't tell us where you live, or how you're dealing with it all, or how your leg is. And this –" he tore the letter out of Alicia's hands, unbalancing her – "You don't even read a letter I sent at fucking midnight! Shit, Alicia, don't you care at all? For all you know, I could have been telling you George died in that letter!"
Alicia regained her balance with her crutches and said, "Lee, I –"
"Shut up!" Lee barked, and she shrank back. "I mean, be quiet, Alicia," he said when a passing Healer looked over at them curiously. "Just – just be quiet. I can't believe you." He looked at her. "Want to know what was in that letter now?"
She nodded, though she wasn't sure she did.
"Not like you deserve the good news," he said, savagely ripping the envelope open and tossing the letter to her.
She eyed it, then unfolded the paper and started reading.
Alicia, Katie's woken up. I really can't go, I'm afraid George will try to off himself again if he's left alone. He's been getting worse since Luna left. Angelina and Oliver are training tomorrow, they'd be kicked out if they took today off; it's their obligatory practice, even though there are no matches this year – you know, the mourning period. Worst idea I've ever heard of, stopping Quidditch. Removing sources of distraction isn't going to make anyone feel better.
Anyway, could please go and see Katie and tell her we love her? I know you're extremely busy, but I think she really needs someone there. Please.
Love you,
Lee.
As she read, a feeling of horror steadily grew in the pit of her stomach and she understood Lee's disgust. How had she been capable of – of ignoring this? And yet the horror was tempered by joy, a sweet feeling that washed over her like a cool breeze on a summer day. Katie had woken up. She was alive and out of her coma and conscious and she had been since yesterday.
When she finished reading, she looked up and asked, hardly daring to believe it: "Is this –"
"True?" Lee finished for her. "Do you think I'd lie about something like this?"
"No," she said, clutching the letter tightly. "But..."
"Come on."
Lee started walking down the corridor again, and Alicia's heart leapt when she realised where he was headed. She swung wildly to catch up.
"Wait up," she said.
If anything, Lee's strides got longer. He nearly flew from the corridor and up the stairs until they reached the door to room number 5003. That was on the fifth floor, which had once housed the visitors' tearoom and hospital shop. Now, after the final battle, visitors got their cookies at the reception on the ground floor. The fifth floor had been converted into a new ward: War Injuries and Dark Magic.
Lee raised his fist to knock on the door, but Alicia let go of a crutch and caught his wrist. He looked down at her, surprised.
"Don't," she said. "I want to talk to her first."
She regretted the words as soon as she had said them. They were true, of course, but she should have known that phrasing them that way would just get Lee more angry (and why shouldn't it?).
"I mean –" she said quickly, trying to make up for her mistake, but Lee wasn't having it.
"Piss off," he said harshly, jabbing his elbow sharply into her ribs.
She staggered back in surprise and pain, lost her balance, and fell to the ground with a small moan.
"Are you okay?"
She looked up in confusion. Lee was biting his lip, his brow furrowed with concern, looking genuinely guilty. He caught her surprised look and nervously pushed a dreadlock out of his eyes before reaching out to pull her to her feet – foot.
"Merlin, Alicia, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have – I'm kind of stressed out right now."
"I'll live," she told him, balancing on one foot. "That is, if you could pick up my crutches."
"Of course," he said, kneeling to grab them. "Um, Alicia."
"Yeah?"
"What I said – about you not caring. I'm sorry. I suppose it's been hard for you, too; and I know you've been to see Katie probably more often than I have."
She should have said something, tried to ease Lee's guilt. It wasn't his fault at all, but hers. He was supposed to lose patience with her.
Instead, she swung past him, elbowed the door open, and said, "Dibs on first visit. Enter and you're dead."
She heard Lee say something, then laugh, and figured it was okay.
Katie was propped up against the pillow, obviously wide awake and bored. She looked so different from when she had been unconscious – less pale, more vivid, more real. When she saw Alicia, her face lit up.
"Hey."
Alicia swung over, cursing her leg, and practically threw herself at the bed, pulling her friend into a hug. She could feel the tears welling up.
"Merlin, Katie – I was – I..."
And then she burst out crying.
When she finally stopped, Katie smiled and said, "Nice to know I've been missed."
"How are you?" Alicia asked. "Do you... you know, remember everything?"
"The wall that fell on me, you mean? Not the kind of thing I'd easily forget. Is it the same that... you know..." She nodded at Alicia's leg.
"Yeah. But that's nothing compared to you. And I think it's getting better. Now, on most days, I can get around without knocking anyone over. It's worse on rainy days, but you should have seen me back in May."
"It feels so weird, to think we're in September already, and that... that Voldemort's gone for good. Last time I was conscious, we were fighting him, you know? I never really thought we'd win."
"Yeah." Alicia smiled. "You sound just like yourself."
"Who else would I sound like?" Katie asked teasingly, but then she nodded. "I know. I can talk, which the Healers say is a good sign, but I can't walk yet. Or eat without being fed like a baby."
"When will they let you out?"
"No idea. It depends. When I can handle myself, I s'pose. They're talking weeks, maybe months." Katie sighed. "Merlin knows how I'll survive."
"I'll come here every day," Alicia promised fervently. "And I'll get the others – Lee, Oliver, Ange – to come."
"And the twins?"
"The twins?" Alicia repeated.
Her stomach dropped as she realised that Katie had been injured before Fred died, and therefore didn't know. Didn't know. Almost wishing she had let Lee deal with this, she said quietly:
"George hasn't been the same since the battle. He's shaken up pretty badly."
"What happened?"
"I... he..." Alicia took a deep breath. It wouldn't be fair to not tell Katie, but... "Fred died."
Then, without warning, there were tears again, fresh and wet and rolling down her cheeks.
"He didn't," Katie said, but her hollow voice belied her next words. "I don't believe it."
"He did," Alicia sobbed, "he did, he did. He left us, he's dead, during the bat – he's dead. They were fighting, and Fred was laughing, and – and –"
"Shh," Katie said soothingly, squeezing Alicia's hand feebly. The weakness of her gesture reminded Alicia of the state she'd spent the past four months in. "Shh, it's all right."
"No, it isn't. I'm sorry, Katie – I shouldn't – I'm really happy you're out of your coma, really..."
"Me too," Katie said softly, "me too." She waited until Alicia's tears had stopped. "These past months have been easy for me, Alicia – you can't imagine. I can't help but think I took the easy way out. I... What you must have been through, all of you..." She paused. "The – funeral? It already...?"
"Yes," Alicia whispered. "I... we weren't sure if you'd ever wake up, and..."
"Where?"
"At Hogwarts. In the Forbidden Forest."
The corners of Katie's lips twitched upward. "He'd have liked that."
"Yes, he would have. George told me – I haven't seen him much, but last time – he told me Luna wrote something on the grave. I can't remember what it was – you know how it is with me and Latin –, but it just... just made me..." She smiled almost ruefully. "I laughed when he told me."
"And George is... bad?"
"Yeah. Yeah, he – here."
Alicia handed Lee's letter over to Katie, who scanned it quickly. "Godric," she whispered. "'Offing himself?' Is it really –"
"He's tried it before," Alicia said quietly.
"Luna?"
"Lovegood; remember, the one they called Looney Lovegood? The one who read the Quibbler and was a bit of an oddball? I think she's really helping George. But she's gone back to Hogwarts now – you know, she was Ginny's age – and George is..."
"Trying to off himself."
"He's only done it once," Alicia said almost defensively. "Just after the battle. He wasn't eating and he ended up having to go to hospital. I don't think it was suicide, exactly... just he forgot to eat."
"Forgot," Katie repeated incredulously. "Of course."
They were silent for a moment, Katie taking in the news. Alicia wondered briefly how she would have reacted if someone just told her Fred was dead and George was trying to kill himself, but then she remembered that she herself had been told in her hospital bed, after waking up from a drugged sleep. In a single breath, Lee had told her her leg was paralysed, one of her best friends – because, really, that was all he was – was dead, and another was in a coma. Then Lee had, eyes blinking furiously, taken his leave. Angelina hadn't been as discreet or stiff; she'd practically thrown herself into Alicia's arms and started sobbing uncontrollably, something about being worried and Katie and Fred and George and oh, Fred.
Alicia hadn't cried that day. She hadn't cried any day, not then and not since. While Ange seemed to think it helped, and she was certain George and Lee had done their fair share, Alicia's eyes had stayed dry. She couldn't have mustered up tears if she wanted to. What she felt was anger and betrayal and a vague sense of satisfaction that the war was over, not sadness and despair.
Why today of all days? she wondered. Why was she crying? Was it because of Katie? Had she missed her friend that much? Had she ever doubted she would wake up?
Katie covered Alicia's hand with her own and said in a soft voice, "Who's the father?"
Alicia froze but didn't take her hand back; the warmth of Katie's skin against her own helped. "What father?" she asked cautiously.
"You can't fool me, Alicia. You're pregnant. This may not be the time, but I've spent four bloody months in a coma and I want to be up to speed. I want the details, now."
Alicia sighed. "No, you don't. I didn't mean that," she added quickly when Katie started to object. "But... it's... complicated. I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"I just – I want to deal with this myself, okay?"
"Hey," Katie said softly. "This isn't the end of the world. You're pregnant. It isn't that bad, you know. You're not supposed to be miserable your whole life. Maybe this is a good thing."
"It isn't." Alicia heard a choked half-laugh, half-sob leave her throat. "It really isn't."
"Why?" Katie asked. "Doesn't the – the guy want him?"
"He doesn't know."
"Oh."
"I was going to tell him," Alicia went on, her breath catching in a repressed sob. "I just couldn't figure out how to do it. I wasn't even sure I wanted a baby. Well, I was pretty sure I didn't, what with the war and all. And then –" Her voice hitched and she swallowed. "And then it was too late. He was gone. He – he left me. And I just couldn't get rid of it. Not when it was... his."
"Oh, Alicia," Katie murmured. "I'm so sorry. This must be so hard on you. Does Lee or –"
"No. And I'm not going to tell them, either."
Katie furrowed her brow. "But why –"
"They can't know."
"But haven't they noticed? I'm sorry, but, um..." She looked pointedly at Alicia's belly.
"No, they haven't. I haven't seen them in ages, Katie. Or anyone, really. I can't get a job, and... I don't want anyone to know. When she's born, maybe –"
"She?"
"It's a girl," Alicia confirmed.
"Alicia... I think they'd be happy, actually. You're pregnant! It's supposed to be good news."
"They wouldn't," Alicia moaned. "They really wouldn't. You haven't seen them, Katie – they're all so, so hurt... Ange, I think she always had a soft spot for Fred... And George, George is really bad, I told you. Lee wouldn't care, he's working, you should – I saw him a couple of days ago – up to his elbows in Death Eaters – he's after the killer, you know. But he's happy, I think."
"He'll kill him," Katie murmured.
"What? Who?"
"Lee. If – when – he finds the Death Eater. He'll kill him." She looked up at Alicia and smiled. "I think – a girl! I'm almost jealous. You know, I think I'm glad that you're pregnant."
"I'm not. I'm not! Katie, you don't understand – I'm twenty years old, I'm single, my right leg is paralysed, and the war – the war's just ended, for Merlin's sake! I don't want a kid, I don't want to be pregnant!"
"Well, tough," Katie said, her voice suddenly harsh. "I didn't want Fred to die, and I didn't want to fall into a bloody coma, not any more than you wanted to have your leg crushed or to fall pregnant. Shit, Alicia – do you think you have a choice?"
"There's always a choice," Alicia murmured.
"In that case, you've already made yours. You slept with – with whoever that guy is, you came back to fight in the Final Battle, and you didn't abort when you had the chance. Now you have to deal with the consequences."
"Don't talk like that."
"I sound just like myself, remember? I'm not going to – to pull the wool over your eyes or anything like that. You're going to have to face them sooner or later – and I'm telling you, they'll be happy about it."
"You haven't seen them in four months, Katie! They've changed – they've all changed. George couldn't deal –"
"You might want to rethink finishing that sentence," George's voice said, as two hands firmly caught Alicia's shoulders and squeezed comfortingly, making her choke on her last couple of words. "Seeing as I'm here and all, and I'm pretty sure you weren't intending on complimenting me."
He gave her a faint smile that made her heart jump – when was the last time she had seen that smile?
"Surprised to see me? I – I figured I had to come." He gave a little laugh. "Lee tried to keep me from going in, but I'm tired of him breathing down my neck all the time. Although," he added as if in an afterthought, "he's spending less and less time with me."
Alicia bit her lip and sent Katie a warning glance.
"I hadn't thought about you in a while," George said. "But that doesn't mean – I missed you, Katie."
"Wish I could say the same, but actually, it was pretty peaceful in that coma," Katie said easily. "No Angelina nattering my ear off, no you charming my hair blue. No cursed necklaces or whatever."
"Don't joke," Alicia said indignantly. "We weren't sure you'd ever wake up!"
"But I did," Katie said, sounding surprised.
But you could not have, Alicia wanted to say, but George beat her to the reply:
"Unfortunately," he said, grinning, and Katie swatted him on the arm and laughed.
Waking up had been awful. Because that was what it was; waking up. Not waking up on a Saturday morning, when you knew you could stay under the covers and just lie awake, snug and warm, for as long as you wanted to. This had felt like waking up too early, like being jerked awake right after falling asleep.
In fact, the sleep hadn't been that great, either. Sometimes dreamless, empty, suffocating. Mostly horrible, full of nightmares and flashes of light. Still, it had passed quickly, not like this drawn-out awakening. Maryl had been very kind, had seemed genuinely happy at seeing her open her eyes, had said that her friends would come very soon. She had waited for hours, not daring to close her eyes and go back to sleep, just in case she didn't wake up this time. Just in case she never saw her friends again.
And then Alicia had barged into the room, and even then it had been awful because it wasn't really Alicia.
What had she been expecting? A smile, a laugh, a hug? Those dark blue eyes sparkling, robes of some terribly bright colour that clashed with everything, and a promise to make her godmother? She had been expecting all that, and more. She had been expecting Alicia.
Instead she got a ghost. A drawn face, hollow cheeks and unkempt hair. Loose black robes. Dull eyes. A shadow of what Alicia might have been, a skinny version of her that looked about twice as old as she really was.
And a pair of crutches, an unusable leg and a scar on her temple.
As for her thinness... Her body all but disappeared in the unusually loose robes she was wearing. Her cheekbones stuck out strangely. And her wrists were bone-thin. But despite all this, she hadn't lost weight. It had gone elsewhere – to her swelled stomach, visible despite the looseness of her clothing. Alicia was pregnant, but without the happy glow Katie had seen in her aunt Elma when she had been pregnant. The term 'knocked-up' suddenly made more sense. There was no radiance, just bleak desperation. It showed in the way she swung around with her crutches, in her words, in her eyes. Even George, whom she had described as suicidal, had seemed like a ray of light next to her. Katie had tried to stay calm until Alicia had left to accompany George home, over an hour after her arrival. As soon as she couldn't hear the rhythmic double-thunk of Alicia's crutches down the hall, she burst into tears.
"Hey," Lee said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "It's all right. It's gong to be all right."
Lee, she thought. She'd always been able to count on Lee.
"Who else?" she asked suddenly, and he straightened, leaned forward slightly, listened. "The dead. Who else?"
She saw Lee hesitate.
"Around fifty."
"That we knew?"
"I... Creevey. With the camera. Professor Lupin. Um. One of the Patil twins; Padma, I think. Regina Ellion from our year, in Hufflepuff."
"Is that it?"
"We were lucky. Most of us survived. And weren't hurt, except for you. And Alicia."
"Alicia." Even she could hear the distress in her voice.
Lee scowled. "Alicia," he repeated. "She won't talk to any of us – me, Angelina, George. Doesn't answer our owls, won't tell us where she lives, what she lives off. Angelina cried into my shoulder for days! George almost died, for Merlin's sake! And do you know what Alicia did?"
"She left," Katie said softly.
"She left," he repeated. "That's right. She just – vanished! Stood up and walked out of our lives without saying good-bye! I saw her again today – pure luck, by the way, she had absolutely no intention of visiting you – for the first time in weeks. She doesn't give a damn about you, me, or the others."
"Shut up," Katie said quietly, and he did. "Shut up. You don't know anything, okay, Lee? Nothing at all. Alicia is – that is, we – you wouldn't understand."
"Try me," he said coldly.
"Alicia and I have a lot in common," Katie said aggressively. "Maybe you never noticed, but we're close. During the war... I told her how I felt about you – " he flinched – "and she told me many things."
How I felt. The words had brought such an expression of guilt and uneasiness on Lee's face that she wished she could take them back. (How had she felt, anyway?)
"She didn't know about us," Katie added almost hurriedly."That we were together, I mean. She didn't. I never told. What I said – it was only ever about what I felt, nothing about you."
Lee looked stricken, but he didn't deny that was exactly what he'd been thinking about.
December. They had got together in December. They'd had five months together. She wished she could say they had been happy, blissful months, but they hadn't. Those had been the dark days, slowly building up to the darkest of all: 2nd May, 1998. The war had brought Katie and Lee together, but at the same time it had ripped them apart. The war had made him tell her he loved her, at the darkest of times, and the war had created the growing feeling of awkwardness when she talked to him. She knew he liked her. A lot. She could see it in his eyes. She could also see the concern there. But that was it.
"I know you don't love me," Katie said quietly.
"Katie –"
"It doesn't matter," she continued. "Really. I understand. I know why you said it. And... If I hadn't woken up..." She smiled. "You did the right thing."
"Katie..."
"Lee," she said back, "Thank you."
This would have been an awkward moment, but it was then that Healer Maryl Layman entered the room. She smiled at them both.
"Hi, Lee," she said familiarly, and Katie understood that Lee had come to see her often when she was unconscious. "I figured you'd come soon!"
"As soon as I could," he replied.
"How are you feeling, Katie?" Maryl asked as she prodded Katie's right arm with her wand, then lightly touched her throat.
"Fine," Katie said. "I can talk and I remember everything up until the moment I lost consciousness."
"We know that, sweetheart," Maryl said to Katie as she ran her hand down her patient's back. "Your recovery is quite remarkable. But we still have to keep you here for a few days, maybe longer, to check everything really is fine. It's a bit surprising that you've recovered this swiftly. We can't help but wonder. And when a Healer wonders, he – or she – worries."
"Swiftly," Katie snorted. "I've been in a coma for months!"
"And out of it for only a few hours," Maryl pointed out. "Most wizards react very slowly to what is happening around them when they've just come out of coma. You should be confused, it should take you days, weeks, maybe months to recov –"
"Well, it hasn't and won't, so why can't you just be happy about it?" Lee cut in. "Isn't this supposed to be a good thing?"
"Ha ha ha," Maryl said without humour, swabbing the inside of Katie's mouth with her wand. "Very funny, Lee. You know we're thrilled about this, just as thrilled as you are. But we can't explain it. We're worried, that's all. We'll have to keep a close eye on Katie for a while."
As soon as Maryl was done poking around and had left the room, Katie asked, "Who killed Fred?"
Something in Lee's eyes hardened. "Why do you want to know that?"
"Who was it?" she repeated.
"Rookwood," he said, for some reason reluctant. "He's still at large."
No. Anyone but him. Some of her horror must have shown on her face, because Lee said:
"You know him." It wasn't a question.
"I don't."
"Well, you know something, and it isn't good."
"I don't!"
"You're an awful liar, and I'm not as gullible as you are. Tell me what's wrong."
She had never been able to resist him. It took him less than fifteen more seconds to break her, and when she spilled, his fingers clenched on the metal rail of her bed until his knuckles turned white.
"Rookwood is the one who killed your father," she said quietly. "I – my mother knew some people in the Order, and when I asked her..." She looked stricken. "I wanted to know, and..."
"I'm going to kill him," Lee whispered. "I swear, I'll kill him."
I promise you this is the last September chapter. And the next one, coming up Thursday for a change, is the first bit of Draco - Hermione dialogue in many to come.