It had taken a few days after Malfoy had started forcing potions on her, but her cold was finally gone. Not that it made much of a difference, but at least she felt a little better. Malfoy seemed slightly pleased that her sneezing and coughing had disappeared and while Hermione knew it was odd, she was glad that she wasn't annoying him any longer. What she truly wanted, now that it had been three weeks, was for Malfoy to go to bed and leave her alone at night. She was sick of his constant pestering about taking a sleeping potion; they didn't work.
The first one she'd taken had been three nights after the battle, as Mrs. Weasley had thought that they could all use a better night's sleep. Her nightmares had already started up by then and that night... She hadn't been able to wake up. For a full eight hours she'd gone through the entire battle again but refused to say a word about it. She only used potions if she was desperate enough to be stuck for a long amount of time because she didn't want the extended torture of her nights. Malfoy knew her fear though he didn't know her reason behind it, and yet he pushed her. It was infuriating; he was just as stubborn as she was and they were getting nowhere. Nights without him had definitely been more peaceful.
Hermione was close to breaking down and she knew it. There would come a day when she wouldn't want to keep fighting with Malfoy and she would take the damn potion just to get him off her back. And maybe she would keep taking them, just so he could get sleep. Just because she didn't sleep didn't mean he shouldn't either. Ron and Harry were closer to her and they certainly weren't sacrificing anything, so why should he? Hermione hated thinking about it, but she was beginning to wonder if Malfoy cared. Just slightly. She didn't really want to bring it up anymore, but the thought weighed heavily on her mind. Did he care? Or was there some other motive for his actions? She didn't know, and her head was hurting too much to think about it.
Ron and Harry were talking nonstop about quidditch. They were both on the quidditch team, a fact Hermione had failed to take notice of until Ron had very angrily demanded that she come to their practice so she wouldn't spend time with Malfoy. It didn't matter that she'd told Ron she hadn't been spending any more time with him than need be and that it wasn't her fault they were living together, Ron was still furious. It probably had something to do with the library incident the previous week and the way Malfoy had defended her on multiple occasions. Ron took every opportunity to make a rude comment about Malfoy and Hermione would quietly tell him to stop, but her heart wasn't in it. She was tired, people were beginning to whisper about her when they thought she couldn't hear, and Malfoy was as cold and annoying as usual.
"Of course she's not listening, Harry," Ron said as they walked back from their practice. "She's probably too busy thinking of other ways to make the year worse for us,"
Hermione remained silent, frowning slightly at his words but choosing not to say anything. She didn't want to fight with him, not anymore. She had half a mind to just end the relationship then and hope that maybe one day Ron would wake up so they could at least be friends again. But of course that would only make him angrier and she didn't know what she would do if that happened. "Ron maybe give it a rest, yeah?" Harry asked quietly. Hermione knew he was only saying anything because she was there to hear it and he didn't want her angry with him.
"Well it's the truth," Ron muttered. "She never listens to us anymore. I bet she doesn't even know we're talking about her right now,"
"I know," Hermione said, rolling her eyes. That made her headache worse though and she frowned. "I'm not trying to make the year bad for you, Ron. I don't know why you think that,"
"Maybe it's because you're spending so much time with Malfoy," Ron said, stopping and folding his arms across his chest. She sighed again, glancing around the grounds before returning her gaze to him. "Oh, and now you're looking around for him, are you? Can you not stand up for yourself anymore? You really do need us for everything,"
"I'm just looking around," she snapped. "And maybe if you weren't attacking me at every opportunity I wouldn't need him to stand up to you. I don't see anyone else trying to knock me down a peg,"
"Oh please, I'm not attacking you-"
"You used your wand on me!" she said, forgetting that she'd planned on keeping quiet. "If that's not attacking then I don't know what is,"
"Oh shut up, Hermione," Ron said defensively. "I don't know what you're problem is this year, but you're being horrible,"
The need to get away stole the angry words from her throat and Hermione began to walk faster, leaving Ron and Harry behind. "Hermione what are you doing?" Harry called after her, but he didn't bother to start walking faster either. "Just stop, come on, do you really need to do this right now?"
"Shut up, Harry!" Hermione yelled, not bothering to turn around and face him. She was sick of them both, even if Harry was trying harder than Ron.
Hermione went to the library instead of the common room; Malfoy would be in the common room because dinner had already happened and she wasn't quite ready to deal with him yet. The library would be peaceful and quiet and that was what she needed to get rid of her headache. Peace and quiet; if she could just have that for the rest of her life she would never complain again. Or at least she would try not to complain again; it was part of human nature and would be a pretty hard thing to stop doing.
The library, as she expected, was nearly empty. Hermione decided to browse the shelves instead of sitting down; she wanted a new book to read that night and the ones in her room she'd already read multiple times. She was excited to read something new, though that excitement got lost as she yawned. "-so terrible-"
"Ginny it's none of our business," she heard Neville say quietly.
Eavesdropping, Hermione knew, was a terrible thing to do. She hated it when people listened in on her conversations, which had happened multiple times in the past, and she felt bad doing it to someone else. But curiosity got the better of her so she stayed put, listening to what she had a feeling she'd heard before. "It's definitely our business, Neville," Ginny said. "She's our friend too, not just theirs,"
For a moment she hoped they were talking about Luna; maybe something had been going on with Luna that she hadn't taken notice of. "That doesn't mean we need to talk about her behind her back, Ginny,"
"She does look tired, Neville," Luna agreed then. "But terrible is not a word I would use. Just tired. And sad, maybe, mostly she looks tired and sad,"
She took her book and left, careful to stay out of their sight. They weren't the only ones talking about her, she'd heard others, but they were supposed to be her friends. She didn't want to hear them talking about her. Hermione knew she shouldn't have listened in on their conversation in the first place and she hadn't actually heard her name, but she knew. They sounded like the other people who commented on her appearance.
And so despite wanting to avoid him, Hermione walked back to the common room knowing that Malfoy would be there. He was probably doing homework, as he did every night, or he was ignoring Terry who so often wanted to pick a fight with him. Terry still hated Malfoy with every ounce of his being and Hermione would be shocked if that changed any time soon. Hannah was more indifferent and Hermione was starting to almost like him, but she was afraid that would change if he brought up the stupid sleeping potions one more time.
He was in his chair when Hermione got back to the common room, and he didn't look up when she entered. Malfoy was staring at a textbook, a slightly confused expression on his face, and for the few seconds Hermione watched him he only looked away once to write something on a piece of parchment. "You can continue standing in front of the door, Granger, but I'm sure you'll get smacked with it when Boot and Abbott come in," He still didn't glance at her, though he did begin to frown. "You're being awfully quiet as well,"
"It's been a long day," Hermione said quietly, walking away from the door and toward her room.
"Are you going to bed?"
"Yes,"
"So I'll see you later then?"
"No," Hermione said, folding her arms across her chest as she reached for the door. That was when Malfoy looked up, turning around to face her with a confused look on her face.
"Do you think you'll make it through the night?"
"No,"
"So then I'll see you later," he said, rolling his eyes.
She shook her head, despite him not looking at her. Hermione hated it, but she felt absolutely defeated. All she wanted to do was go to bed and forget that Ron existed. "No, Malfoy, you won't. I won't be coming out tonight so you should get a full night's rest,"
"What do you mean you won't be coming out of your room? You always do. I've gotten used to spending the-" he stopped, turning to face her once more with a slightly angry expression on his face. "You're taking a potion tonight then. It only feels right for you to sleep through the night if I do,"
Hermione shook her head. "That's not happening, Malfoy, and you know it. You know how I feel about it-"
"I also know that you're being ridiculous, Granger. What's the deal with this anyway? Do you like the fact that people are starting to talk about you? Funny, I never thought you were one for that kind of attention,"
"I-" Hermione hesitated, sighing heavily. "I'm tired of fighting, Malfoy. I can't, anymore, I just can't. So just give me your damn potion and let's be done with it,"
Malfoy seemed surprised at that, but he all but jumped up and ran to his room. He came back out a few moments later, a vial in hand, and he gave it to her without a second thought. "I'd like to see you take it, Granger. I don't trust to do it yourself,"
She scowled and swallowed the potion inside, frowning at him. "Happy?"
"I wouldn't call it happy. I am glad that I no longer have to spend every night with you. Now that you've agreed to take it, I can get you one each night. Slughorn might get suspicious, but I can handle him,"
"Malfoy I really don't care," she said bitterly, walking into her room and slamming the door in his face. Maybe it was rude-okay it was definitely rude, but Hermione wasn't lying when she said she didn't care.
She changed into her pajamas, knowing she wouldn't have long until the potion took affect. She wished that she would have thought of a way to not actually take the potion, but she was sure Malfoy would have seen through her. As darkness began to creep into the edge of her vision, Hermione climbed into bed, feeling tears threaten to spill down her cheeks, but she managed to keep them from falling.
The first two hours weren't terrible. They made Hermione's heart ache as she relived the day she'd wiped her parent's memories, but they didn't terrify her. She wasn't even afraid when she passed through different events from horcrux hunting that normally would make her tremble. Hermione knew that under normal circumstances, she would have woken up by then. And yet Malfoy's potion was working. And she was thrown back into something that she had no desire to be in. Reliving her torture, dragged out over hours, left Hermione making frightened noises in what she would hardly call sleep. Eventually the scene shifted and Hermione was in the battle, watching as people dropped dead around her. She was in the great hall next, holding the hand of a dying sixth year she had never learned the name of. She was standing in front of Remus and Tonks, crying over their dead bodies. She was watching Ron and his family sob brokenly over Fred. She heard whispers in her ears, saying that it was her fault.
Light was coming in from her window by the time the potion wore off and Hermione was able to sit up and bury her head in her hands. She let out a loud sob, unable to stop her tears now, though she no longer tried to wipe them away. It was pointless, she realized. It was that moment, when Hermione sat in her bed and began to sob, that she allowed herself to cry for everything that had happened since the start of the school year. Hermione did not cry often and, besides a short weak moment the night of their first delegate meeting or the occasional tear or two because of Ron, she hadn't let tears fall since a few days after the battle. She felt like crying often but she hated it, and she knew what Ron and Harry would think if she just started sobbing like she was now.
It was five in the morning when she woke and, after nine hours of sleep that had done nothing for her, Hermione decided that she would not leave her room. Maybe for the rest of the weekend; it was a Saturday and she was sure she wouldn't be missed. She would have to sneak out every now and then to use the bathroom, but other than that she was sure she could manage. The pathetic feeling came back as her tears fell but she didn't know how to make it go away. Not this time.