Even by the day Draco was supposed to go back to Hogwarts, he wasn't prepared to see Granger. They'd gone way too far last time and he'd been completely out of his comfort zone. Not, he thought bitterly, that Granger actually cared. She'd gotten what she wanted: the story and the chance to play hero. She was probably laughing at him, still; Draco had never felt more pathetic in his life. Surely Granger had picked up on that.
If he was being completely honest he was more upset with himself than with her. He'd all but said the words I miss you and he'd let her hold his hand. Granted her hand had been warm and genuinely nice to hold, but still. He didn't particularly like touching her. It felt almost intimate to him and any thoughts even involving that with her were certainly unwelcome in his mind. Unwelcome, yes, but seemingly ignoring that fact. He couldn't get holding her hand off his mind for more than an hour at a time. And that was probably one of the reasons he didn't want to go back. She would be there, and she would inevitably figure it out. All because he liked holding her damn hand.
Draco didn't have much of a choice though. His mother had been exceptionally cold after he'd refused to vouch for his father and let her heal him. It wasn't like he could really go up to her and explain that he didn't want to go back to school because he had odd emotions about a girl his parents thought was beneath him. She wasn't though, at least not in Draco's eyes. At least not now.
His mother did surprise him though, as she decided to escort him to the platform. He'd expected to go alone as she was mad at him, though the silence that came with her company did not make the trip any better. And he knew the silence would continue for a while; his mother could be the most stubborn woman in the world, if she really wanted to be.
For a while they just stood there, people avoiding them like they were the plague and glaring angrily. His mother would only look at them disapprovingly; Draco just rolled his eyes and glared right back. Eventually it came to be ten minutes before the train left and Draco shifted; he really needed to get on and find an empty compartment before he got stuck sitting with someone. He opened his mouth, prepared to say goodbye, but his mother beat him to words. "Draco?"
"Yes?" he asked, unable to hide his surprise.
"Is that girl," she began, disgust in her tone and disapproval on her face, "worth what happened?"
"Excuse me?"
"Was she worth the argument with your father?"
"That wasn't really an argument, Mother,"
"Draco," she said sternly, the disapproval growing on her face. "Was she? Was it really worth it to defend her and lose your relationship with your father?"
"There really wasn't much of a relationship to begin with,"
"Just answer the question, Draco,"
Yes, just answer the question that would force Draco's ever changing emotions to become solidified in his mind. He seemed to be all over the place when it came to Granger and he absolutely hated it. He needed his opinion on her to stay in one place. Not the hate he'd felt most of the time he'd known her as the thought of hating Granger again was starting to make him feel sick. Why though was something he would never allow himself to think about. "I don't know,"
"Yes, you do," his mother pushed, her eyes narrowing.
"Well then I'd rather not say,"
But it was answer enough for his mother, who kept a calm enough face instead of scowling like he'd expected her to. "Then go talk to her,"
"What?"
"She's been looking at you every few seconds since we've been here, if I am looking at the correct girl," his mother revealed quietly. The disgust slipped back into her voice then but Draco chose not to mention it. Doing so would only make sure they left on bad terms and Draco really didn't want to ruin any other relationship in his family. She was really the only one left in his family, now that he thought about it. "I'm not going to pretend to like it but I won't stop you from being happy,"
"Who says that Granger makes me happy?"
"I know my son," was the only response she gave. "Go,"
Before he could protest he was being pushed away from his mother and stumbling as he tried to keep from dropping his trunk. He turned around to glare at her but she was already gone. Draco sighed heavily and turned away only to meet Granger's eyes. It surprised him that his mother had been the one to notice her, not him, as he was usually very aware of her presence. The fact that she'd been looking at him surprised him too; he would have thought she'd been plenty satisfied about what had happened at the Leaky Cauldron. It only haunted him.
She looked concerned about something, though Draco didn't know what, and she looked conflicted at the same time. She said something to Longbottom, who she was standing with, before she started walking. He was very tempted in that moment to apparate, because it looked like she was walking toward him. Which was completely unbelievable, he knew, because Granger would never just leave her other friends to come up to him. They had bonds that he and Granger didn't share and Draco was sure that she would never-Shit. She was. "I think there are some things we need to discuss,"
"As it just so happens, Granger, I disagree,"
"I know. But there are things I need to say and you're going to have to listen,"
"I don't want to,"
"Don't be childish,"
"That's not childish,"
"Yes it is. You would be willing to have a conversation with me if you weren't acting that way,"
"Actually, Granger, I wouldn't be doing anything I didn't want to do. And I don't want to talk to you right now," She folded her arms across her chest and her eyes narrowed, which made Draco scowl. He hated seeing her current expression on her face, as it definitely wasn't a happy one and he preferred it when she actually looked happy. "You have about five seconds, Granger, so you'd better make it count. I'd like to find a compartment before they're all gone," She blinked and Draco rolled his eyes. "Four now," he muttered.
"I shouldn't have asked you that in the Leaky Cauldron," she said quickly. "I don't know what made me do it because I know that you can't feel that way if we're friends. It was ridiculous and I was really just starting to doubt what I knew about us because you just stopped writing me back,"
"There's no us, Granger,"
Granger gave him an annoyed look but she didn't say anything about it. Instead she went with, "We were supposed to get along this year, weren't we?"
"I think that's a rather hard thing to do, Granger,"
"But we weren't supposed to make everything so difficult,"
"Granger things have always been difficult," he said, awkwardly sounding like he was beginning to try and comfort her. Which had to be one of the oddest feelings in the world.
She nodded slightly before looking to the train. "Come on, let's get on,"
Again, Draco found himself asking, "What?"
"I have more to say and you know I'm not going to leave you alone until I say it. Will it really kill us to sit together for half an hour?"
"What you have to say is going to take half an hour?"
"Shut up," she muttered, shaking her head and walking onto the train. Draco followed her on and into a compartment, surprised that he wasn't going to be sitting alone.
And that was how he found himself sitting with Granger for the rest of the train ride. After she'd gotten out what she wanted to say, mostly about how they couldn't keep thinking the worst about one another, they'd somehow gotten onto the topic of Arithmancy. And after that, despite the multiple times silence had fallen over them, neither had moved. Draco had stayed put because he was stubborn and didn't want to give up his compartment. Granger had given the excuse of knowing that her friends would want to talk about their holidays and she didn't really want to talk about hers. Draco could understand why, as he knew that she'd spent the first part of it looking for her missing parents. Which couldn't have been fun for her; Granger seemed like the kind of girl that found family important. She'd only asked about what had happened between him and his father once, and it was only to ask if his arm was better. He'd nearly forgotten about that particular injury, because his mother had forced him to let her heal it. Which was good, he was glad that it didn't hurt anymore, but to his disappointment the Dark Mark had come back almost instantly.
It wasn't like they were having pleasant conversations about anything and everything under the sun, but it was enough to keep them entertained for the time being. It almost made him think that it was the middle of the night and he was about to fall asleep, though the sunlight coming in from the window kept him in reality. And besides, if they were in the common room then people wouldn't be stopping to stare at them through the door of the compartment. Draco was quickly becoming irritated with the fact that people were gaping at them; it wasn't as if he and Granger hadn't been seen together before. But now, when Draco was finally starting to get comfortable with her sitting in such a close vicinity, he really didn't need people staring at them.
Granger didn't seem to mind though, because she wasn't paying any attention to them. She was currently reading a book, something that didn't surprise Draco at all, and ignoring him while she did so. He didn't really mind, as at least then she wasn't talking and making a bigger deal out of things than necessary. Draco was switching between looking out into the thin corridor, out the window, and at her. She didn't notice and Draco didn't really know what to look at. He was tempted to get a book from his own trunk so he wouldn't be awkwarldy sitting across from her, but his trunk was over her head. If he wanted something from it he would either have to ask her to move or reach over her, neither of which sounded pleasant to him.
Somehow they ended up in a carriage together too, once they got to Hogsmeade, and Granger had to leave her book with her trunk. For the first few minutes while they walked to the carriage and then climbed on, they didn't say a word to each other. It seemed as if they'd exhausted any options of conversation which didn't bode well if they were going to wake up early in the morning and expect to talk to each other again. Things definitely weren't easy when it game to Granger.
They parted once they got to the castle, as Granger had to go to the Gryffindor table and Draco had to sit with the Slytherins. It had been odd, to have her quiet presence with him for most of the day, and Draco would rather meet another one of Hagrid's hippogriff's than admit that he'd enjoyed simply having her with him. It had almost reminded him of holding her hand-and damn it he was supposed to be forgetting about holding her stupid hand! Not comparing it to having her around.
"Pity," he muttered, knowing that no one else would really be listening to him and those who could hear wouldn't actually care. "That's why she stayed around,"
With that thought securely in his mind, Draco sat down and stared at the teacher's table. McGonagall caught his gaze after a moment and he wasn't thrilled to see a slightly amused expression on her face. Draco was sure she knew that something had happened with him and Granger, but he couldn't actually know unless he asked. And he did not plan on doing that.
They got maybe halfway through dinner before Draco started to hear the laughing. Soon after that he noticed people looking at him and pointing. The laughing continued then too. Draco knew it had to do with the article from the Daily Prophet about his father, though at the moment he didn't care. His father had, of course, been sent to Azkaban, and the next day an article had been published about the entire ordeal. Luckily he hadn't been mentioned which meant that the fact he'd showed up in bruises hadn't been mentioned either. One look at Granger had him rolling his eyes though; she was shooting glares at the people who were laughing loudly. Draco almost laughed at that, but somehow he thought it wouldn't go over well with the other students.