Hermione stayed rooted to her spot for a good ten minutes before she heard her name being called by a familiar voice. Nothing felt very familiar though, as she'd just been kissed by Draco Malfoy. Not once in her life had she ever imagined being kissed by him but it had happened. And he hadn't even let her say a word; he'd stared at his feet, given her a small explanation, and then run off to leave her more confused than she'd even been in her entire life. What if Elizabeth had been right? Hermione hadn't thought much of her words, other than worrying about him, because she'd just assumed the young girl was being silly. But then he'd gone and kissed her and told her that he had growing feelings when he was around her and now... Now, Hermione had to figure out what she was going to do. And that was another thing she wasn't prepared for.
"Hermione!" She dimly became aware of the hand that was waving in front of her face. Hermione blinked and slowly shut her mouth, which had been hanging open, her eyes focusing on Ginny who was standing in front of her. "Hermione, are you okay? Did that stupid-"
"I'm fine," she said immediately, her eyes narrowing slightly at the start of the insult she'd been about to throw at Draco. The fact that insulting Draco made her uncomfortable caused her stomach to churn and she felt like she was going to be sick. What if she did have feelings for him and she hadn't noticed it? Hermione didn't know; she wasn't sure she could ever know. It was absolutely awful timing for her; Hermione had been preparing herself to lose him so she'd tried to keep from thinking about him. It was almost like she was making up for the lost week as she could barely even form a coherent thought if it wasn't about him.
"Well what happened? Why do you look so-"
"Ginny I've got to go," she said quickly. Hermione quickly made up her mind after Ginny started talking. She had to go find him and they had to figure out what they were going to do. Hermione would decide on the way to Hogwarts whether or not she'd actually liked the kiss. As brief as it was, Hermione could tell that it was different from when Ron had kissed her. There was no way for her to know if that was a good thing or a bad thing yet; only time would be able to tell.
"Go? Hermione, what-"
"Tell the boys and Luna I'll see them later!" she said, pushing past Ginny and running in the direction of the castle.
Hermione's mind seemed to clear as she ran toward the castle. She was able to decide that, despite her emotions being all over the place, she was furious with Draco for running off but she had, in fact, found that she'd enjoyed the kiss. What she didn't know was how to explain that to Draco when he'd stated that he wanted his feelings to stop. Hermione was beginning to think that she wanted them to continue, though that was an odd thought.
It didn't take a huge amount of time to get back to the castle, but she did have to slow down once she got inside the doors. Hermione didn't want to get in trouble for running and knocking someone over and while she knew she could always get out of it, she didn't want to do that either. She hurried to the common room despite going slower than she would have liked and walked in only to find it empty. Hermione knew she should have expected that though, as she'd seen Terry and Hannah in Hogsmeade so they would be gone. And it wasn't like Draco to just sit and wait for her in the common room after something like that, he would be hiding out in his room. So of course that was the door Hermione had hurried to and started knocking on. "Draco!" she called, feeling irritated because he wasn't even responding. Usually he would yell at her to go away and tell her that he had no interest in speaking with her, but there was nothing but stony silence. "Draco-Oh this is ridiculous," she muttered, twisting the doorknob. For once it was actually open and Hermione stared at the door in surprise before taking a step in. The room was completely empty.
A frustrated noise escaped her lips and she shut the door carefully behind her before walking back out into the corridors. Hermione would spend the rest of the day looking for him if she had to; she wanted to know what would happen after that kiss. And she had to try and convince him not to just let what he was feeling be pushed aside by what he'd been taught in the past. Or whatever reason was making him want to stop feeling things for her. That was a weird thought as well; Draco Malfoy had feelings for her. Hermione never thought that would happen either.
She spent the next hour wandering through the corridors, wondering where on earth Draco would have gone. She'd already checked the Room of Requirement and he wasn't there, nor was he in the library, kitchen, or great hall. The entire time she looked for him her irritation grew, as she wanted to find him and talk. Apparently he was excellent at avoiding her though, because Hermione didn't know where else he would be. She knew that she should just stop looking and leave things be for the rest of the night so they could talk without a bunch of emotions getting in the way. That would be the only way to ensure they reach a decision that makes sense, but even over an hour after the kiss she didn't care that much about things making sense. She just wanted to get to him so they could talk.
"You seem a little lost, Miss Granger,"
The voice startled her; she'd been in the process of walking toward the greenhouses to see if he would have gone outside, though she doubted he would. Draco Malfoy didn't seem like the kind of person to go outside when he was upset, though Hermione had looked everywhere else she could think of. "Professor Sprout," she said, offering the Herbology professor a small smile. "No, I'm just-I'm just out for a stroll,"
"Looking for Mr. Malfoy?" Sprout offered, giving Hermione a knowing smile.
Why Hermione would know that was beyond her, but the smile she was getting was a little unsettling. Hermione hadn't done anything to suggest that she was looking for him and yet she'd known? "How do you-"
"You two have a rather peculiar relationship. I think many of us have noticed it. I've also noticed the two of you holding hands under the table during class. It's quite entertaining,"
"Professor I-"
"He passed by about an hour ago, Miss Granger. I expect you'll find him out here somewhere,"
With that her Herbology professor walked away, a small smile on her face that reminded her of something Dumbledore would have done. Hermione walked away, shaking her head slightly as her face began to warm. She hadn't thought that anyone had noticed, and now that she knew Professor Sprout had she couldn't help but wonder if any of the other professors would have paid attention. That could explain the knowing smiles that she was getting from Slughorn, especially since Valentine's day. That was definitely one thing she wouldn't be telling Draco; he would never touch her again if he found out that someone knew about them holding hands. Granted there was no guarantee that he would hold her hand again anyway, but Hermione could at least hope in the moment.
She wandered the grounds and sighed heavily, occasionally looking up at the sky and watching the clouds as she wandered around outside the castle. Even if Professor Sprout had seen Draco there was no way to know if he was still outside. And even if he was then the grounds of Hogwarts were huge and it was possible she wouldn't even find him. Hermione didn't know what she would do if she couldn't find him, though she was half sure she would go crazy.
Hermione was a few moments away from giving up and allowing her mind to slip away when she fell flat on her face. She'd been looking at the sky when she'd fallen and even when she sat up she couldn't make out the definite form that had tripped her. "What in the-" she began.
"I really thought you wouldn't find me here,"
Hermione squinted slightly before Draco came into view. "Disillusionment charm?" she guessed, beginning to feel flustered at his presence. As much as she'd wanted to see him only moments ago Hermione was starting to become sure that she wanted nothing more than to run from him. Which, she imagined, was how he felt after he'd kissed her.
He nodded slightly to answer her before he pulled his knees to his chest and closed his eyes. Hermione had never seen him look very vulnerable before, but she had to guess that this was it. "Granger you can go. I won't apologize or anything, you should know that by now, but-"
"Did I ever say I wanted you to apologize?"
The question stunned them both into silence for a good ten minutes. Draco kept his eyes closed and he was breathing shakily, though Hermione wasn't far behind him. She was alternating between glancing at him and looking back at the sky, as if that would keep her calm. Hermione was sure her hands were going to start shaking as well but she was managing to keep it under control for the time being. "Why wouldn't you?"
The sudden question surprised her as well, so she shrugged and gave herself a few seconds before replying. "Honestly, Draco, I haven't completely figured that out yet,"
"You understand why I can't allow anything to happen, right?"
"No," she replied truthfully, frowning at him. "Would you tell me though? The real reason, not whatever you've made up,"
He looked conflicted and sad, which made Hermione feel worse for seeking him out. "It just wouldn't work. You understand, don't you?"
"No," she said again, her frown deepening. "Just explain it to me. I won't judge you,"
There was silence for another few minutes and Hermione found it rather comforting. At least if there was silence then they weren't arguing, and she greatly appreciated that. "If I explain it, Granger, you'll just get mad at me. I'd like to leave off on good terms,"
"Draco just try, won't you?"
"I can't feel like this because... No one would accept it, to start off," he said quietly, scowling at the ground, his eyes opening slowly. "And you'd be treated horribly, being with me because I'm a Death Eater. To start. And we're just... we're too different, Granger. It wouldn't work,"
"How are we too different? It seems like we're quite alike,"
"You know what I mean, Granger,"
"The fact that you're pureblood? And I'm muggleborn?"
He glared at her and shook his head slightly. "No, that's not what I'm trying to say. And that's another thing that would make everything fail; you never understand what I'm trying to say,"
"I think I do, sometimes," she shrugged. "What makes us so different?"
"A lot of things. Your hero status, the fact that I'm not one. Houses, too,"
"So far you're not saying anything that we can't get past,"
"But-"
"Draco I don't care about any of that. I... I don't know, maybe I want to do this again,"
"Do what again?"
"Do... What you did in Hogsmeade,"
His face warmed rather quickly. "Granger that's not a good idea. Like I said, we can't keep being friends. And that, well, that's out of the question too,"
Hermione sighed and nodded. "If that's what you want," she said, standing. "Look, Draco I came out here to talk to you because I wanted to work something out. Maybe figure out what I feel too. But I can see that's not what you want and I won't push you. Okay?"
"Granger-"
"I mean, I thought we could maybe keep whatever's going on between us quiet, because no one else needs to know. It wouldn't be any of their business. But if you want me to leave I'll go,"
"I-"
"I guess I'll see you at dinner, Draco," she said quietly, walking away without looking back. Draco didn't call her back either, though Hermione hadn't expected him to.
By the time dinner came about, Hermione was absolutely horrified by what had happened with Draco. The kiss she could live with, but all but begging him to take her? It was pathetic and Hermione despised that feeling. She would have to stop getting like that around him if things could even return slightly normal for them. Not that he wanted anything to go back to what normal had become that year; Hermione would be lucky if he didn't start calling her names again. Though she didn't think he really wanted to do that, even if he didn't want anything to do with her anymore.
"Where the hell did you go?" Harry whispered fiercely, pulling her into the seat next to him as she passed him in the great hall. "We were worried about you!"
"Ginny knew I was leaving," she said defensively, glancing at the girl across form her.
"No, Hermione, what I knew was that your expression worried me and when I found you, you were completely frozen in place,"
"I wasn't frozen in place, I was just-"
"What did Malfoy do to you?" Ron asked angrily. He was seated next to Ginny and he kept glancing over his shoulder at the Slytherin table. Draco wasn't even there yet so it didn't make much sense for him to keep looking over then. Hermione could tell that some of the Slytherins had noticed and were getting suspicious as well.
"He didn't do anything,"
"Don't lie to me, Hermione," Ron said.
"Don't accuse me of things, Ronald," she replied, her eyes narrowing slightly as she looked at him. They'd gotten along at the Three Broomsticks but now he just seemed like he was mad at her. Hermione wasn't even entirely sure what she'd done wrong and that fact alone reminded her a little too much of the start of the school year. "Even if something happened with him," she said, addressing all of her friends, "it's none of your business,"
"Hermione, we were just worried about you. It's not often you just disappear on us," Neville reasoned, offering her a small smile. "I, personally, don't care about what happened with you and Malfoy as long as you're okay,"
"Well, I'm fine,"
"Then let's change topics," Neville said. "Harry, Ron, Ginny, how's quidditch coming?"
Hermione turned out the conversation as she ate her food, wondering how awkward it would be to sit by Draco in Arithmancy during class. That had, by far, been her favorite class to hold his hand in and now they would go back to sitting next to each other awkwardly and not speaking. It wouldn't be pleasant, but Hermione had adjusted well when she'd stopped speaking to Harry and Ron so she was sure she could handle it again. "You look really tired," Harry whispered, dropping out of the conversation for a moment to lean over and whisper in her ear. "And you're not eating anything anyway; maybe you should go get some rest? And I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier,"
"It's fine," Hermione shrugged. "I think I'll do that though. Good night, Harry," she whispered, standing up from the table. Hermione glanced at the Slytherin table to find Draco, once again, surrounded by the first years who'd grown close to him. He seemed to know that she was looking because he looked up as well, his expression conflicted, and nodded slightly. Hermione returned the gesture before hurrying out of the great hall and up to her room.
She fell asleep almost immediately after she laid down in bed, her night no different than it had been for the past year. Hermione was getting incredibly sick of the nightmares and waking up when it was still dark, but she didn't know how to fix it. Besides, the potions wouldn't work on her and as far as she knew there was no other method. With a sigh Hermione ran her hands over her face and climbed out of bed, yawning loudly as she walked toward the door and opened it.
Hermione was greeted with the sight of Draco pacing around the common room, his hair a mess; he'd probably run a hand through it one too many times and it was no longer slicked back. She would have to say that she did like it when it was slightly messy though; it made him seem more human than he usually did. "What are you doing awake?"
Draco turned to look at her rather quickly, scowling as he caught sight of her. "A secret, Granger. Can we actually keep it a secret?"
"What are you-"
"Doing what... Doing what we did in Hogsmeade. I don't want to stop, I-It was-"
Hermione hesitated before nodding. "I'm rather good at keeping secrets," she said, folding her arms across her chest and watching him with curious eyes. "What made you change your mind?"
"You wanted to put me first. No one's ever really wanted to do that before. Other than me, I mean,"
Hermione chuckled slightly and offered him a small smile. "I want you to be happy Draco. And I want you to do something that will make you happy, not because I made you-"
"You aren't making me do anything, Granger,"
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," he said. "And you want to...?"
"I think I do,"
Draco nodded and came a step closer to her. "I don't... It'll take some time to get used to, on my part,"
"It'll take some getting used to on my part too, Draco. It's not exactly something I ever expected to happen,"
He looked apprehensive for a moment before he closed the distance between them and kissed her gently one more time. Hermione couldn't help but smile as he pulled away from her, his cheeks a bright pink color. She definitely liked kissing him, she decided, just as much as she liked holding his hand. And it was very different from kissing Ron because things always felt hurried and slightly rushed whenever she'd kissed him. It felt easier, with Draco, for some reason. It was something she could get used to, that easy feeling, though Hermione was sure it would be a while before it came again. Draco wasn't the kind of person to just go around and start kissing people; that day had to be the exception. Hermione was rather glad that exception had happened.