Natsuki generally prided herself on being a reasonable, logical person. She was a thinker, not a feeler—when it came down to it, she was 100% positive she'd always follow her head, not her heart.
So when the weekend from hell (involving lots of crying and copious amounts of alcohol) finally ended and she had to go back to work, Natsuki was unprepared for the physical pain in her chest when she saw Shizuru at the end of the hallway. Even the simple act of Shizuru speaking to one of her classmates sent her staggering through the door of an empty classroom, sucking in ragged breaths as a bullet of heartache shot through her chest.
Whoever coined the term 'heartbreak' was wrong...something breaking implied there were sharp, clean-cut edges that would heal easily. Whatever she felt now was more like someone had grabbed ahold of her heart and was ripping it apart sinew by sinew to prolong the agony.
There was a knock on the door before Youko poked her head in. Her brow furrowed at the sight of Natsuki hunched over. "Are you alright, Natsuki? A student said you looked like you were about to be sick."
"Fine," Natsuki managed to choke out, waving a hand in Youko's general direction. "Not feeling too well this morning."
Youko tsked sympathetically. "Are you still up for teaching this morning's class? We can postpone until you feel better."
Damn it. Natsuki couldn't believe she'd forgotten that Youko was going to let her teach today's lesson, and to Shizuru's class, no less. This was shaping to be a horrible day already, she could feel it.
Natsuki slowly straightened up and took a deep breath. "I'm fine."
Youko looked unconvinced, but stepped back to let Natsuki into the hallway. "If the students seem distracted, don't take it personally. University acceptances are being released today, so everyone's anxious."
"I understand. It's an important day," Natsuki managed to say, falling into with Youko as they headed to the classroom. The dread in the pit of her stomach grew heavier with each step that brought her closer to where Shizuru was.
"The beginning of the rest of their lives," Youko agreed.
As they entered the classroom, Natsuki's eyes snapped to Shizuru's usual seat by sheer force of habit. Her heart sank when she saw Shizuru determinedly avoiding her gaze, but at the same time, she didn't know if she'd be able to handle looking at her in the eye either.
She was so preoccupied by not looking at Shizuru that she nearly walked into the clipboard Youko was holding out to her, prompting a few titters from the class. (Natsuki's chest ached at the thought that a week ago, Shizuru's laugh would've been the loudest).
Grimacing apologetically at Youko's raised eyebrow, Natsuki took the clipboard. The first order of business, to take attendance. She cleared her throat and called out the first name without any trouble, waiting to hear an affirmative response before marking anything down. Easy. Simple. She was doing a great job already.
Yet as she made her way down the list, closer to the last names starting with 'F,' her throat began to feel tighter and tighter until she finally reached Shizuru's name.
Natsuki kept her eyes glued to the black font, stark in contrast against the white of the paper. Fu-ji-no. Shi-zu-ru. 6 syllables. Easy enough to say. She willed her vocal cords to move.
"Fu—" Natsuki choked on the word. It was a tangible lump in her throat, making it hard to breathe. She coughed and tried again. "Fu...Fujino."
That was it. She couldn't bring herself to finish the rest of the name out loud.
Seconds ticked by. Natsuki was sure she had at least said it loud enough, but there was no response. She took in a searing breath and said one more time: "Fujino?"
Again, silence. Natsuki refused to look up, but she could feel everyone's confusion ripple in the air at Shizuru's refusal to answer. The other students were becoming restless; Natsuki could practically feel the whispers begin to fly around.
"Bubuzuke is here!" Haruka's voice boomed, cleaving through the almost tangible tension that had built up. Natsuki nodded without looking and moved on to the next name, ignoring the whispers and giggles coming from the class.
The murmuring only stopped when Natsuki cleared her throat and glared at the class, taking care to avoid looking in Shizuru's general direction. "Today, we'll be learning about the brain. Turn to page 316 of your textbooks."
-000-000-
The lesson was going well. Almost too well, in fact. Natsuki threw a suspicious glance over her shoulder as she continued to write notes on the board. Most students appeared attentive, though to be honest she couldn't care less. She didn't even dare look in Shizuru's direction; if she did, chances were high that she'd do something humiliating. Like stuttering while lecturing, or throwing herself down at Shizuru's feet and begging for forgiveness, or worst of all, stuttering while begging for forgiveness.
She should've known the students would hold off on being little shits until Youko left Natsuki to her own devices. As soon as Youko seemed satisfied that Natsuki could handle herself and left the room, she turned around to see almost every student's hand shoot up in the air to ask a question.
There were muffled snickers and some outright laughs at the obvious whatthefuck look on Natsuki's face. Her surprise morphed into a glower, causing the laughter to turn into coughs and clearing of throats. Natsuki pointed at the closest student, Chie. "Harada, what's your question?"
Chie's brow was furrowed thoughtfully, the very picture of intellectual curiosity. "Ms. Kuga, where do babies come from?" Or not.
"We're learning about the brain."
"Are you saying the brain isn't involved?"
"Well, clearly your parents weren't thinking," Natsuki retorted, raising an eyebrow at the chorus of oohs that emitted from the other students.
"Ms. Kuga, how come we only use 10% of our brain power?" Takeda called out.
"Speak for yourself, Takeda." Natsuki couldn't help smirking as the oohs grew louder. "That's a myth. Don't ever let me catch you saying it again."
The class laughed at his pout and several more hands shot up, students eager to ask ridiculous questions and presumably be put back in their places.
"Ms. Kuga, what happens when we fall in love?" Aoi blurted out, blushing hard when everyone turned to look at her. "I mean, I know it's probably some chemical reaction in our brain, but that just seems too impersonal to explain how good it feels. It's almost too much for my body to handle, you know?" Beside her, Chie turned a matching pink and fiddled with her glasses, a shy smile playing on her lips.
Natsuki did know. She tried to swallow against the sudden lump in her throat, fighting the instinct to glance at Shizuru. Instead, she crossed her arms and focused her gaze on Aoi.
"You're right, it is a chemical reaction," she started slowly. "When you fall in love, the amount of a neurotransmitter called dopamine increases. Dopamine is important for a lot of neural pathways. One of them happens to be the reward pathway, which may explain the emotions you feel in a new relationship. This same reward pathway lights up when using alcohol or cocaine, so if you want to be poetic about it, you can say love is literally a drug.
"However, too much of anything is never good. Dopamine overload is associated with schizophrenia and psychosis. So if someone says love is driving them crazy, maybe they're not totally wrong."
Natsuki glanced around the classroom, surprised to see how enraptured all the students looked. "Your body starts pumping out epinephrine and norepinephrine, putting you into fight-or-flight mode. Your heart rate skyrockets and you suddenly feel anxious, all because that primitive animal part of ourselves is telling us something scary is happening.
"Then your serotonin levels drop, which can be associated with obsessive-compulsive behavior. Suddenly you're infatuated with everything about that other person—their likes and dislikes, the sound of their laugh, the face they make when they're focused on something. Thinking about them becomes as automatic as breathing. You'd do anything and everything to get their attention, even if it might be the stupidest thing you've ever done in your entire life."
She shrugged, misery weighing down her shoulders. "The thing is, science can tell you which chemicals or hormones are fluctuating in your body, but it can't explain why. Why this person and not someone else? Something in you is telling you that out of the billions of people on this planet, this person is the one you want. And if you don't know if they love you back, that's the scariest thing in the world. You're placing your heart in someone's hands and asking them not to crush it.
"And look, if it doesn't work out, I'm sorry—sometimes things just don't work out. It'll hurt. A lot. It'll feel like your heart is literally burning out of your chest. But don't let that scare you off from taking a chance, because if it does work out…"
Natsuki looked up and for the first time in days, looked Shizuru in the eye. Shizuru met her gaze, a storm of emotions flashing across her face—anger, sadness, regret, back to anger…Where could she even begin to start with what it was like to love Shizuru?
"…it's worth it. It's so worth it," Natsuki finished. She couldn't bear to look away from Shizuru, silently begging her please, please forgive me—
"Ooh, sounds like Ms. Kuga's in love," a student suddenly crowed, his friends backing him up with wolf-whistles and cheers. They stopped immediately when Natsuki stared daggers at them, but the damage was done.
A loud crash startled her out of her attempt to glare a student to death. She looked over just in time to catch the last of Shizuru striding out the door, her chair upended on the floor. Shizuru's classmates stared after her sudden exit with mouths agape. Almost at the same time, the bell signaling the end of class began to ring, interspersed with the sounds of dozens of textbooks slamming shut.
Natsuki sat down heavily in her chair, not bothering to officially dismiss the students as they practically floated out of the classroom, buoyed by an enormous swell of gossip. Not one student bothered to keep their voice down and she could hear snippets of conversations as the rumor mill began to work overtime.
"Someone told me Shizuru's in love with her sister's fiancé and she had to watch them get married, isn't that sad? Ms. Kuga's lesson definitely made her relive it all over again!"
"Or maybe she's in love with someone and they died and now they can never be together!"
"Don't be stupid. I heard she's pregnant."
"I heard she got someone else pregnant!"
Ridiculous, and yet, was it any more improbable than the truth? Natsuki rubbed her eyes so hard she saw swirls of color behind her eyelids. She couldn't do this. It was killing her to be in the same room as Shizuru, ignoring her and being ignored in return.
Shizuru had made it clear she never wanted to see Natsuki again; at the very least, Natsuki owed it to her to leave her alone. She could quit right now, leave everything at Fuuka Academy behind. But that would leave her with no job and no money to pay bills.
At a complete loss about what to do next, Natsuki pulled on her jacket and shouldered her way through the throng of students, resolutely ignoring all their attempts to get her attention.
Walking through the campus gates, Natsuki headed down the street, intent on grabbing lunch from Mai's workplace. With a little persuasion, maybe Mai would even provide a little lunchtime alcohol to drown her sorrows even further.
She had barely started walking when a black SUV with tinted windows came screeching up next to her. Natsuki immediately stepped back, hands balled into fists. Oh God, this was it, Maria had sent someone to kill her and in the most dramatic way possible—
The door opened and a man was unceremoniously thrown out, rolling to a stop at her feet. He groaned at the rough landing, face pressed down into the ground.
Natsuki blinked. "Kanzaki?"
Reito jolted at her voice and immediately scrambled upright. A dark bruise circled one of his crazed, bloodshot eyes and a trickle of blood had dried right below his nostrils. Natsuki couldn't be sure, but it looked like he was wearing the same exact clothes she had seen him in last—but that couldn't be possible, that had been almost a week ago…
Reito gave her a short, jerky bow. "Kuga. I deeply apologize for all the trouble I have caused. I hope you and the Fujino family can forgive me."
Natsuki's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"
"I've deleted all the photos I took of you and Shizuru. Please, I'll do anything you want, just get them to leave me alone," he practically begged.
"Get who to leave you alone?"
The back door of the car suddenly opened again, and Reito gave a little shriek before sprinting away, apparently running for his life. Natsuki stared after him with wide eyes. What just happened?
Another man stepped out of the car, a bland smile on his face as he peered at Natsuki through gold-rimmed spectacles. "Ms. Kuga, it's nice to meet you," he said politely.
"Who the hell are you?" She eyed him. He was a neatly groomed older man with thinning blonde hair, and she felt like she could totally take him on. But then again, from the speed at which Reito had just ran away, maybe this man was more than he seemed.
"My name is Mr. Smith. Your father sent me."
Natsuki blinked once. "What?"
Mr. Smith—if that was even his real name—continued on, "All your business with Reito Kanzaki has been resolved. You have nothing further to worry about. We've made the Kanzaki family very aware of what will happen should their son step out of line."
"What?"
He handed a slim envelope to her. "A belated gift for all the birthdays he's missed."
She took it on autopilot and opened it to see a check. The figure written on the line caused her eyes to pop out of her head. She felt like a broken record, but—"WHAT?"
"If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to contact us. Your father is very excited to get to know you." Mr. Smith held out a sleek business card.
Natsuki started sputtering. "Wait, I don't want this!"
"Is it not enough?"
"Not enough? I'm pretty sure this is more than the GDPs of some countries." She shook her head. "This can't be real. First of all, I don't have a dad."
"Everyone has one. It's basic science."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I don't need one, and I sure as hell don't want one. Especially not one that goes around threatening people and throwing around blood money."
Mr. Smith's expression didn't flicker once, polite smile still firmly in place. Before Natsuki knew it, the business card was in her hand. What the hell, how'd he do that?
He gestured to the card. "My personal number. You can contact me at any time and I'll arrange a meeting with your father."
"Who is my father?"
Mr. Smith's smile grew. "Call and find out, Ms. Kuga. I look forward to hearing from you soon." He ducked back into the car and shut the door firmly after himself, the car pulling away as suddenly as it came.
Natsuki looked at the card. There was only a number and a name—John Smith, of course—and nothing else. She looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed what just happened to her, but the street was empty.
She pinched herself to make sure this wasn't a dream. Ow, definitely not. Her next thought was to call Shizuru, but with a pang in her chest, she remembered that wasn't really an option anymore. Instead, Natsuki stuffed the card in her pocket and called her mom.
Saeko had a lot of explaining to do.
-000-000-
"Soooo…you're saying you're rich now."
Natsuki cracked the tab of her beer can and sighed into her phone. "No, Nao, I'm saying my dad is rich. Or at least, that's what my mom says. "
"And you're his long-lost daughter he desperately wants to meet. Can your mom tell him she had twins, and I'm one of them?" Nao said on the other line.
"No. And I don't want to meet him," Natsuki grumbled, settling back on her couch.
"Why don't you want to meet your sugar dad?"
"Ah, gross, don't say it like that."
"I said dad, not daddy—there's a distinct difference."
"Still weird."
Nao tsked. "You get a taste of wealth ONCE and suddenly nothing is good enough. I see how it is."
Natsuki made a face even though Nao couldn't see her. "I don't know. I didn't need his help all these years, and I don't need it now."
"Except when you did need his help in destroying Kanzaki's photos. And possibly Kanzaki himself."
Natsuki snorted. "Yeah, I don't know what they did to him, but they messed him up. I wish I could've savored the moment, but I got distracted by the whole ."
"Can't be rich without being a little shady, that's what my grandma used to say. Of course, she was living proof of the reverse—you can absolutely be shady without being rich, but that's besides the point."
Natsuki stopped mid-chuckle when someone started banging on her front door. She felt a trickle of foreboding as she sat up.
"Are you knocking on my door?" She whispered into the phone.
"No. Maybe it's Mr. Smith, here to finish you off. I call dibs on your trust fund if he kills you."
"Yeah, you wish." Natsuki tentatively approached the door and peered through the peephole, groaning out loud when she saw who it was.
"Who is it? Blink once if you're getting murdered."
"It's Shiori. Should I pretend I'm not home?"
"I can hear you," Shiori's voice said from the other side, sounding annoyed.
"Nao, I think she heard me." Natsuki sighed before unlocking the door. "I'll call you back."
"Give Shiori all my hate," Nao said before hanging up.
Rubbing her temples to stave off an oncoming headache, Natsuki opened the door a crack and glared through the tiny sliver of space. "How did you find out where I live?"
Shiori stared back, unimpressed. "I have my ways."
Natsuki scowled. What was up with all these people finding out where she was? She had an urge to check herself all over and make sure there wasn't a tracker embedded somewhere on her body.
"Aren't you going to let me in?" Shiori asked when Natsuki didn't say anything further.
"No."
"Rude. I have no idea what Shizuru sees in you."
"Oh, not much. Haven't you heard? She hates my guts now."
"Well, that's what I'm here for."
Natsuki eyed her suspiciously, but Shiori looked like she would rather be pulling out her own fingernails than be here, so it seemed genuine. With a loud sigh, Natsuki stepped back and let her in.
Shiori didn't speak, only looking pointedly at the beer in Natsuki's hand until Natsuki rolled her eyes and went to get her one as well. She half-admired, half-loathed how Shiori was able to make herself comfortable in any space, lounging at the kitchen table like they were old friends. As soon as the beer was in hand, Shiori cracked it open and took several gulps.
Natsuki raised an eyebrow when Shiori didn't put the can down for several long seconds. "If you came over just to drink my beer, I'm kicking you out."
Shiori slammed down the empty can with a satisfied sigh. "I needed that."
"You still haven't said why you're here."
"I'm getting there." Shiori sighed dramatically. "I suppose I owe you thanks."
"For drinking my beer? Hell yeah, you do."
"Not for the shitty beer, idiot," Shiori snapped. "I meant for Reito. I don't know what you did, but he came crawling back today. He was practically crying at my feet."
"Oh." Natsuki chose to gloss over the fact that she didn't technically do anything, since that was a whole other conversation she'd rather not have with Shiori. "Well, it wasn't for you."
Shiori nodded. "It was for Shizuru."
"Yes."
"What else would you do for her?"
"Anything," Natsuki said without hesitation.
Shiori's expression didn't change much, but something in her frame relaxed as she leaned back to stare at Natsuki calculatingly. "Did you know university acceptances were sent out today?"
"Yeah, I heard. Where did Shizuru—"
"Harvard."
"Harvard?" Natsuki echoed in a daze.
"You've probably never heard of it. It's very good," Shiori said disdainfully. Natsuki rolled her eyes at that. "We're very proud of her."
"Wow. That's…amazing. I didn't even know she applied." It was strange, Natsuki could feel in her chest the burst of happiness and pride for Shizuru's success, but there was also an inexplicable forlornness. America was so far away…not that it mattered what she thought. "When does she leave?"
"That's the problem. She doesn't know if she wants to go."
"What? Why not?" Natsuki frowned. Sure, it was a foreign place, but she knew the Fujinos had friends there so it wasn't like Shizuru would be completely on her own—
Shiori slapped a hand on the table, startling Natsuki. "Because of you," she accused.
"I didn't say anything to her!"
"You told her you were in love with her and now she's hesitant on whether or not to go to Harvard. You think that's a coincidence?" Shiori slapped the table again.
"Will you stop hitting my table?"
Shiori ignored her. "It's fucking Harvard. Nobody should be hesitating. And yet, here she is, too in love with your pathetic ass to see what a monumentally stupid decision she's making."
"She's not in love with me," Natsuki said wearily. "There's nothing between us anymore."
"Are you always this dense? What am I saying, of course you are, you two are perfect for each other." Shiori shook her head, holding up a hand to forestall Natsuki's outraged reply. "When it comes to the people she considers hers, Shizuru forgives. Maybe not quickly or easily, but eventually she's going to forgive you. Whether or not you deserve it, well, that's a different story."
"I don't believe you."
"I don't care if you do, that's not why I'm here. I'm telling you this is the opportunity of a lifetime for Shizuru. You and I both owe it to her to make sure she has the best life possible, don't you think?"
"What are you saying?" She felt an odd combination of joy and grief in her heart. If Shizuru did love her, it was more than she could've ever hoped for…but Natsuki already knew the answer to her question before Shiori could reply.
"If you love her, walk away. As smart as Shizuru is, she still believes in love stories. She won't go if you let her think there's some fairytale ending waiting for you two."
"You're not giving her enough credit. Shizuru's brilliant. More importantly, she's ambitious. She won't throw away her future because of a nobody like me," Natsuki argued.
"Do you want to take that chance?" Shiori leveled her with a look. "We received a phone call from the school today. For the first time in her life, she skipped all her classes. Heard anything about that?"
"She left the class I was teaching, but I didn't think she would do that for the rest of her classes…"
"As you can see, you're a distraction she doesn't need."
"Great, thank you for that."
Shiori rolled her eyes. "She doesn't use her head when it comes to you. I've heard love makes people irrational, but I didn't think it made them downright stupid."
Natsuki set her jaw. "She's not stupid."
"She's seventeen. No matter how intelligent or mature she is, she hasn't seen everything the world has to offer." Shiori shook her head in exasperation. "Shit, I'm twenty-two and I still feel like a child sometimes. If we let her choose, she'll hold herself back."
"Because of me, you're saying," Natsuki said bitterly.
"Yes."
She wanted to tell Shiori to mind her own business, to say Shiori had no idea what she was talking about, that if Shizuru ever forgave Natsuki, she would spend the rest of her life trying to make Shizuru happy.
And yet…Shiori was right. Natsuki couldn't—wouldn't—hold Shizuru back.
"You want me to disappear from her life."
"Completely vanish," Shiori agreed. "Quit your job, change your number, delete your social media accounts."
Natsuki crossed her arms. "What if I didn't?"
To her surprise, Shiori merely shrugged. "I can't make you do anything. If you're the person Shizuru says you are, you already know what the right thing to do is."
"And you get to decide what's right and what's wrong?" Natsuki scoffed. "How do I know this isn't just another one of your games?"
"Kuga, simply put, I don't give enough of a shit about you to play games anymore. I'm a little busy between my failed marriage and almost non-existent relationship with my sister. I can't do anything about the former, but I can do something about the latter. Shizuru deserves the best. That's not you."
Natsuki opened her mouth to protest, but found she couldn't say anything to refute it. In the impossible event that Shizuru forgave her, what did she have to offer? Shizuru would be crazy to turn down Harvard. In the best-case scenario, they would get back together in time for Shizuru to leave for the other side of the world.
"Let her go," Shiori pressed on relentlessly. "I'll make sure she knows you're safe, but that's it. No goodbyes, no contact information, no loose ends."
"A clean break," Natsuki summarized.
"Exactly." Shiori looked almost sympathetic. "It'll break her heart, but you've already done that."
Natsuki would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about disappearing completely, but she never thought she'd actually go through
with it. The only obstacle for a poor, poverty-stricken graduate student like herself had been the prospect of having no job, which meant no money. So when a fantastically rich benefactor claiming to be her father offered a way around that, did she really have a reason to refuse? She still didn't want his charity, but at the very least he could probably find her another job somewhere else.
Her breathing grew harsh and ragged at the thought of never seeing Shizuru again. Heart rate and anxiety skyrocketing, epinephrine and norepinephrine pumping—fight or flight mode. Fight…or flight?
"If I do this, you'd better spend the rest of your life making up for how shitty a sister you've been to her." Her voice came out hoarse, strained from the burden of all the things she wished she could tell Shizuru.
"I don't like you, and I know you don't like me. But I think we both want what's best for Shizuru. I promise you I'll be watching out for her." Shiori held her gaze, looking as sincere as Natsuki had ever seen her, no trace of the bully she was or ever had been anywhere in sight. The resemblance between the Fujino sisters had never been more apparent.
Natsuki swallowed hard. "Then I guess we have a deal."
Shiori nodded once and stood up without preamble, as if she were able to sense Natsuki's turmoil. "I'm glad to see you can be reasonable about this. For what it's worth, you're doing the right thing."
Natsuki just felt empty. She crossed her arms tightly, trying unsuccessfully to squeeze something, anything back into the hollow space of her chest. "Get out of my house. I never want to see you again."
"I can respect that." Shiori collected her things and headed for the door, pausing at the threshold to glance back one last time. "Have a good life, Natsuki."
Natsuki remained silent as the door closed with a small, final click that resonated through the empty spaces of her apartment, leaving her all alone with nothing but her thoughts.
-000-000-
"Are you sure we can't persuade you to stay?" Sakomizu placed a fatherly hand on Natsuki's shoulder and shook her playfully. "I know conducting research with one of the country's leading biotech companies sounds like a good opportunity, but is it really better than teaching high school biology?"
"Well, when you put it that way…" Natsuki pretended to consider the offer as they walked through the campus garden. Spring was late in coming this year, but she could finally see tiny flower buds beginning to poke up through the soil. Just a little more time and they'd be ready to bloom.
Sakomizu chuckled. "We hate to see you go, but I understand. Searrs Industries has produces some really fascinating medical technology. I don't blame you for jumping at the chance to work with them."
"I'm sorry again for the short notice. They just opened up a new research facility in Fukuoka and asked me to start as soon as possible."
Sakomizu waved away her apology. "If it's anyone you should be apologizing to, it should be Youko. I thought she was going to cry when I told her you were leaving."
Natsuki laughed despite herself. "I think that's more so due to the sheer amount of papers she'll have to grade herself now."
Her now-former boss sighed dramatically. "I'll have to find her a new assistant or I'll never hear the end of it. You see the trouble you've caused?"
"Oh, trust me, I know." She smiled wryly. "Hopefully everything will settle down once I'm gone."
"Well, you'll be missed. It was a pleasure to have you back at Fuuka Academy." Sakomizu took in a deep breath of air and exhaled. "But you're young. This is the perfect time in your life to move away, start fresh in a new place. It gets harder the older you get, you know? And if you find out later you want to return to your roots, it's never too late to come back home."
He patted her shoulder one last time. "Stay in touch, okay?"
"Of course," Natsuki lied, watching the portly man lumber away, leaving her standing by the front gates of the school.
Fuuka Academy. One of the most prestigious high schools in Japan, a place where she never really belonged, not as a student and definitely not as a teacher. Where she had the worst experience of her life, and the best. With her heart crumbling to dust and feeling exhausted down to the bone, Natsuki found herself experiencing a funny sort of acceptance, the kind that came from having absolutely no other way to go except forward.
She looked up at the ringing of school bells that signaled the end of the day. Through the windows of various classrooms, she could see the flurry of students packing up to go home. A small part of her wondered if she should've said goodbye to her class—to Shizuru—but she couldn't shake the feeling that if she looked back, even once, she wouldn't be able to leave.
Natsuki turned away and forced her feet to move. One step in front of the other, each taking her further and further away from Fuuka and away from Shizuru. She held her head up high despite the tears blurring her vision. This was for the best. Shizuru didn't need to be anchored down by Natsuki, not when she had her whole life ahead of her. One that would involve new friends, new experiences, new relationships that wouldn't bring up ghosts from the past.
It was enough to know Shizuru would have happy, successful future, even without Natsuki. Especially without Natsuki.
It would have to be enough.
Is the science right? Ehhh it's more of a bastardized interpretation, but I'm a good grad student who cites my sources, so if you're interested in further reading:
::Edwards S. Love and the Brain. On The Brain Newsletter. March 2015. Harvard Mahoney Neuroscience Institute.::