Chapter Forty-Three: No Sleep, No Answers

Cloud hadn't seen Ratcliff in over a month. Two weeks of that had been expected while on his mission, but the other two, he was unaccounted. Perhaps the team he was assigned with caught onto some sort of lead and their orders were extended. Maybe Cloud had forgotten the correct date of Ratcliff's return – he wasn't sure.

But when he caught sight of the boy named Pawn roaming the halls, and even Haskin barking at a few people with his important new red muffler, he was left with nothing more than a twisted knot in his stomach when Ratcliff was no where to be found.

He managed to catch up to Pawn, who looked more distressed than usual, especially when he saw that Cloud was approaching him. He stumbled in fear, and Cloud had to stop and stare at him for a moment, never have been one to intimidate many people, so this came at a great surprise.

It took the boy a few moments to compose his stammering – which was worse than usual – to be able to even squeak out some form of incoherent greeting to Cloud. He uttered what sounded like a pained squeal, and then ran off at the very mention of Ratcliff's name. Cloud tried to catch up with him, but the boy was lost in a sea of infantrymen roaming the halls, and through Cloud getting a sudden and sharp headache that left him disorientated.

Another week passed by, and any time he tried to inquire to Pawn about Ratcliff, Haskin always seemed to be hovering nearby and found some sort of reason to separate them before Cloud could even start a sentence. During one night, Cloud had tried several times to slip out of bed and wake Pawn – who was only a few bunks over – but as soon as his feet would touch the ground, Haskin would order him back to bed. On the fifth try, Haskin threatened to have him sent to the brig. He wondered if Haskin ever slept. He wondered if he was to be able to as well.

It was cold. The bunks around him were completely empty. Elici and Graves' to his left had been untouched in quite some time. If it hadn't been for the field days where they were ordered to clean the barrack, they probably would collect dust. To his right, the bunk once belonging to Evans, the young man whom Elici had been deployed with on that fateful mission, was empty. Above him, no movement or sounds came from Ratcliff's bunk; it all was eerily cold.

He didn't sleep that night; he didn't sleep the next. And he wished he had, because then his mind wouldn't have been producing hundreds of possibilities of Ratcliff's whereabouts. He wanted sleep; he needed sleep. He was so tired by the third day that he nearly dozed off during rifle practice while kneeling to take aim. If it hadn't been for the sudden gunfire at the targets from the men around him, he surely would have fallen asleep with his cheek on the butt of the rifle. He had received his lowest marks ever during that rifle qualification and didn't have an answer for Kunsel, who had been supervising, as to why he was unable to concentrate. He didn't want him to know that he wasn't sleeping; he dreaded being forced into the infirmary.

The infirmary. Why didn't he think to check there?

Scouring the infirmary for Ratcliff that day wasn't very successful. He wasn't in the patient database, and it didn't take long for a nurse to recognize Cloud and ask if he was admitting himself as she passed by. He didn't know whether to be ashamed or insulted. It wasn't until he left – very discouraged – did he realize that he probably looked as distressed as he felt. It was no wonder she thought he was ill.

So Cloud decided to ask Kunsel if he knew any information about Ratcliff. The start of his conversation was interrupted by Haskin, of course, but one sharp look from beneath Kunsel's helmet, and Haskin withdrew. But it didn't matter.

Not even Kunsel knew where Ratcliff was.

A two more days passed, and Cloud was feeling as though he were losing track of how long Ratcliff was truly gone for. With no one providing answers and causing him so much worry, time seemed to drag and blend together, especially when he only caught a few hours of sleep those two nights from sheer exhaustion. He wasn't even sure that it had been two days since he failed his rifle qualification.

The unit awoke early one morning – what exact morning, Cloud was curious to know – and assembled in an inspection line. Cloud's eyes glanced over to Kunsel, who was passing out a single piece of paper to each man in the line, and his stomach lurched at the thought of being sent out on a mission. He would be a hazard to anyone he was teamed with due to his lack of sleep.

Kunsel handed him his results of his rifle qualification and gave him a lingering stare that Cloud was unable to interpret, and he walked to the next man beside him. His own eyes looked down at the paper to see the issue date. It really had been two days – that was a relief. But the papers didn't make sense. He had to rub at his eyes and intake a quick breath of air to be able to reread them without his eyes traveling around the paper as if it were blank.

It said he passed.

But … I had failed.

He was so busy studying the paper and his passing score, that he barely noticed a second page in his hand. He fumbled for it, but it slipped from his hand in his anxiety. He went to catch it as it whipped out in front of him, but overbalanced in his drowsy state and dropped to his knees. He managed to slap the top sheet onto the second one as he landed, covering it. He glanced around to the men, who were giving him curious looks; he hoped that no one saw what he had – especially Haskin.

It was a medical report of some sort.

The men were disbanded to the mess hall for breakfast. He heard Kunsel's voice chuckle sympathetically in his ear as he felt himself being hoisted back to his feet.

"You okay?"

Cloud nodded, readjusting his shoulder armor that had slipped during his fall. "Yes, sir."

Kunsel scoffed a little and grabbed the armor harnesses on his shoulders, giving them a tug. "Tighten these up, Strife. You look like a slob."

Cloud forced a chuckle, rustling the papers in his hand. "Um, sir? A-about this …"

"Yeah, been meaning to talk to you about–" Kunsel stopped himself from speaking as Haskin briskly walked up once the rest of the men filed out of the barrack. Kunsel raised an eyebrow at him. "Something you need, Haskin?" he said rather curtly.

The papers rustled again when Cloud shifted the top sheet over the report to hide it, but Haskin had cleared his throat at that moment before he spoke. He didn't seem to notice.

"Sir, I was going to inquire as to why the cadet here wasn't making his way down to the mess hall like he was ordered."

Cloud opened his mouth to speak nervously, but Kunsel cut him off.

"I would assume that since you saw Strife talking to me, that it would be clear."

"I understand, sir, but unless Strife wants to miss breakfast, he should obey orders–"

"I'm in charge here and have reason to speak with Strife; he is clearly not disobeying orders."

Haskin straightened then, realizing he had crossed a line.

"You'd be quick to be overzealous with me," Kunsel said firmly. His face softened from the harsh look it had taken as he turned to Cloud. "Besides, he doesn't mind missing out on a bit of that slop, do you, Strife?" He patted Cloud's shoulder.

"No, sir," Cloud said. He was hungry, but it would be worth missing it for this information.

It looked as though the gears were turning quickly in Haskin's mind, as though he were trying to come up with some sort of way to outsmart Kunsel with proper protocol – possibly to prevent them from speaking further. Kunsel must have realized this.

"I think it's breakfast time for you, Haskin. Don't you agree?" he said pointedly.

Haskin's eyes narrowed, but he gave a stiff salute and exited through the double doors.

"Man, it's nice to have help, but being promoted to a commander sure has gone to his head."

"He's always been like that, though," Cloud said thoughtfully, even though he knew Haskin's imposing had hidden motives. "But, um, sir? About the scores …"

Kunsel nodded and began to remove the bottom sheet from his hands. "Yeah, the 'scores'."

"No, really, about my rifle scores. I thought I failed."

There was a moment's pause that was heavy, and Kunsel's face twisted into confusion.

"Failed? No, you didn't fail," he said slowly. "You were off your game, but I never said you failed."

Cloud frowned, his eyes trailing back down to the paper. He wracked his brain; maybe he had been so tired that day, that he somehow convinced himself that he had failed when looking back on how bad he had done.

"Are you okay?"

He looked up. Kunsel was staring at him oddly, his mouth contorted into a concerned frown, but his eyes scanned him over like he was under some sort of formal inspection.

"Fine, sir."

"Cloud, come on. You can tell me. What's been going on? It looks like you haven't slept at all."

Cloud shifted on his feet uncomfortably, and his head immediately lowered in hopes that his hair would cover up the dark circles beneath his eyes. "Really, I'm fine. Just … need a little extra sleep, is all. Don't tell Zack, though … and please don't send me to the infirmary."

Kunsel scoffed and took the bottom sheet from Cloud quickly, hiding it behind his back. "You know, information like this is hard to come by. I don't ask for much usually, but …"

"I'll get some sleep tonight," Cloud said at once. "And if I can't … I'll go to the infirmary, I promise." Cloud grimaced at his own words. But it seemed to have done the trick, and Kunsel handed him back the paper, stepping so close to him that it made Cloud feel a bit uncomfortable.

"A medical report on Ratcliff," he mumbled and Cloud's heart jumped. "Something happened on his mission. I don't know what, but it had something to do with him."

Cloud frantically looked over the paper as Kunsel continued to speak, as though it would be torn from his hands at any second.

"It's not much, and it's vague. But after the men returned with no sign of Ratcliff, I did some snooping."

"But I checked at the infirmary! They said he wasn't there."

"And you believed them?"

Cloud replied with nothing. He read the report, which was indeed vague, not listing any specific injuries or illnesses, but just stating that Ratcliff was admitted and dispensed various types of medications. The primary doctor assigned to him was not solely a medical doctor, but one he recognized as the name of the psychiatrist that worked in the same office as his psychologist – Dr. Bleier was his name.

"If he's not hurt, why does this report say he's been kept in the infirmary?"

"More importantly, why is he seeing a psychiatrist, of all people?" Kunsel replied, his eyes narrowed in thought.

"What do you mean?" Cloud felt himself blanching at Kunsel's tone. It was rather dreadful.

"Do you know one of the main differences between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?"

He shook his head.

"Psychiatrists can prescribe medication."

Cloud glanced back down to the list of at least five different medications, even though the names meant nothing to him.

"I recognize some of those from all the medical reports I've had to review of my men in the past. Standard prescribed medication for anxiety and PTSD. But a few of those I've never seen before."

"What do you suppose they're for?"

"I haven't a clue," he said, shrugging. "But look closer. He was originally seeing Dr. Arolin, but then was switched to this other guy not even a day later. That's when the medication was prescribed. Do you know anything about him?"

Cloud shook his head. All Cloud knew was that he was an older man, quite a number of years difference with Dr. Arolin, and weathered-looking. He had a massively deep voice that seemed to travel easily, but that was it. "Nothing. I worked in his office, but I only interacted with him a few times in passing."

"He used to work as a lab rat some years ago for the Science Department, slowly working on his Ph.D in the meantime. Rose through the ranks over the years, if you will. Now he is a huge supporter of that department, its divisions and its members. I'm assuming this means the pharmaceutical division as well. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a lot of sway in what was developed and for what purpose."

Cloud felt as though his own prescription bottle became heavy inside his pocket. "What're you saying?"

Kunsel was quiet for a moment, only making a noise to scoff in annoyance when his phone suddenly beeped. He opened it and frowned once he read the contents. "Shit, gotta go. Damn Guard Hounds broke free down in the labs. Last time this happened, Zack tried to tell me that waving around Cure materia as a distraction caught their attention long enough to capture them," he muttered, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. "Boy, was he wrong." He started to walk off briskly.

"Sir–"

"All I'm saying is that I think it's a bit strange that his doctor would be changed so quickly, and that he's been hidden away like that. Maybe you should pay Dr. Arolin a visit." And Kunsel left.

Hidden.

It was making more sense now. The reason why Haskin made everything Cloud did his personal business, and why Pawn's spine seemed to crumple like paper mâché whenever he neared. They were hiding Ratcliff not just from Cloud, but from everyone. No one had heard from him or had seen him. Not even Kumpf or Zabalza, who had brought it up at breakfast in the chow hall, had heard anything about him or his whereabouts.

Haskin had made slipping away from the unit later that day during his off time to investigate rather difficult. Whenever Cloud had tried to leave, Haskin found anything wrong in the barrack and ordered Cloud to fix – mend, clean, break, fix again, and sew – it, just to stop him.

The only good that had come from this was all this activity had made Cloud feel strangely energized, albeit very, very angry.

It must have been apparent how Cloud was feeling over suddenly becoming the barrack slave to a number of unexplained messes, because Haskin marched right up to him, adjusting that important red muffler, and through a few choice words, reminded Cloud of the staggering difference in their ranks.

Cloud couldn't help but to get a bit defensive and stick up for himself, even if it did land him on his palms and toes doing one hundred pushups at Haskin's feet as punishment for having done so.

The thick, smug air around the man was making it hard for Cloud to actually do them. He was losing energy quickly, and with each pushup that he struggled through, it seemed to make Haskin all the more smug. He had thought he was about to collapse as he rounded the fifty-fourth, but had been saved when Haskin's phone beeped in his pocket.

He had muttered something about Guard Hounds having escaped in the labs and left in a hurry.

Kunsel walked in as he was leaving, and Cloud had heard him mutter, "Have fun," in a very amused sort of way. He had then helped Cloud to his feet, and said in the same amused tone, "That'll keep him busy for a while. At least, long enough to let you go visit someone."

If Cloud's arms had not been burning in pain and his head spinning, he probably would have given Kunsel a hug, or at least, a very hearty handshake.

Now, Cloud was taking ginger steps down the flights of stairs that led to the medical floor. His muscles had yet to recover from the pushups, but he made it out of the stairwell and rounded the corner in the halls.

Cloud stopped quickly when he saw Zack leaving the psychologist's office, and any fatigue that he had felt in his body instantly left him. He had not seen Zack in over a week, as both of their schedules had conflicted greatly and Zack was assigned on a mission for a few days when Genesis clones had been spotted in Kalm. He had admittedly not been as worried about Zack as he had been Ratcliff, and with good reason. Zack looked his usual handsome self, and Cloud felt his face turn hot with an enjoyable rush of emotions.

He wasn't sure if it was because he had just descended ten flights of stairs after doing nearly sixty pushups, or because of seeing Zack unexpectedly like this, but his heart was beating fast.

Cloud started to follow him, willing his legs to move faster as Zack swiftly walked to the elevators. But he stopped when he heard his name being called from behind him.

It was the blonde psychologist.

Cloud suddenly remembered why he was there in the first place. He gave Zack a second glance before sighing and turning around to face her. He would have to search out Zack later on to hopefully spend a bit more time with him.

"I was notified by your superior saying that you wanted to see me," she said as he followed her into the main office. He took an odd sort of comfort in seeing that it had not changed much since he was last there. The same cheerful paintings on the walls, that certainly didn't make the patients feel cheerful; the same music that tried to accomplish the same thing, but horribly failed; even the soft couches that tried to look inviting, but Cloud knew that the moment that he sat on them, it would consume him with guilt and insecurities.

Her office had not changed at all either, except for the fact that it was horribly chilly. The air conditioner was on and blasting, and it felt nice, but the air duct was right above the patient couch, and the hairs on Cloud's arms prickled with the breeze and his nerves. He sat once she did in her chair, both of them exchanging brief and polite smiles.

His drained away quickly, but hers stayed and perhaps stretched into an even wider one, much warmer than the surrounding air, that was for certain. "It's nice to see you, Cloud." Her voice was upbeat, as though she were genuinely happy to see him.

He couldn't exactly say the same, but he did for the sake of being polite. "It's nice to see you too, Dr. Blei–"

She gave him a quizzical look as he cut himself off and shook his head, correcting himself. He had to think for a moment.

"Dr. Arolin." It felt strange to use her actual name. Had he ever addressed her with it before?

"You can call me Sandra, if you like. I'm not exactly your doctor anymore, am I?" Her smile was definitely warm now, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses in a way that Cloud had never seen before. Then again, he never really did look at her in the past. It was always forced glances – quick but very much painful. But things were different now, if only a little; he was at least there of his own will.

"Um … well, I'll stick with Dr. Arolin for now, if that's okay."

The psychologist nodded. "Of course." She paused, and Cloud was unsure if she was waiting for him to speak.

"Everything … is confidential, right?"

That warm smile faded very quickly, and was replaced with a serious expression that in a way was more unnerving than if she had continued to smile through whatever answer she gave, whether positive or negative. "Of course," she said.

He didn't quite know how to word this. He was fairly sure that he wasn't suppose to know what he knew. But after he gave it thought, he blurted, "Where's Ratcliff?" There really was no other way to say it.

But she seemed to ignore him. "I was so surprised to hear that you were coming by my office. I was lucky that my three o'clock suddenly canceled, otherwise I wouldn't have the time to speak with you."

Cloud sat politely, but very confused.

"Everything going okay with you? And with Mr. Fair?"

"Yes, everything's just fine," he said slowly, his brow furrowing. "But–"

"I saw in your chart that you returned to the infirmary a few months back. Are you still getting those headaches?"

He was certainly getting one right now.

"No," he quickly lied. "I'm fine."

"Just 'fine'? Remember what we talked about during our sessions. Try and use a different, more accurate–"

"Where is Ratcliff!" Cloud stood up angrily, shocked at his sudden outburst, but he made no effort to show that he was. He continued, "I'm not in one of your damn sessions right now, so just answer me!"

She hadn't flinched, and she hadn't said a word. The only time she moved was to smile a little when she watched Cloud seat himself back down stiffly. "It's rather cold in here, isn't it?" she finally said over the loud droning of the air conditioner.

Cloud's mouth fell open, his brow feeling as though it was permanently stuck furrowed in this way. "I don't care about that. I want to know where Ratcliff is."

"I cannot disclose that information," she said simply.

He couldn't stop himself from challenging her. "Why not?"

They both fell silent. He sat there forcing himself to hold an intense eye contact with her. He might not have been nearly as carefully worded as she, or as quick-witted with years of experience picking apart human behavior and nature, but he was determined to get his point across with or without strategic words.

Slowly, very slowly Cloud could tell she was mulling something over and starting to give. The expression on her face staled, muscles becoming tired of being frozen, even if they were in a relaxed position. She blinked after what felt like an hour, and he thought he heard her sigh softly. Somewhere, a door closing in the office cut through the silence, and her concentration broke for just a moment, her eyes glancing away. Cloud leaned forward on the couch, setting his jaw firmly in place in wait as she opened her mouth to speak.

"If you ever get cold in here, feel free to turn the air off," she finally said.

"That's it!" Cloud threw his hands up in frustration, letting his anger get the better of him. "Thanks for the help," he muttered, not bothering to cover up the layers of sarcasm lining each word.

"Cloud," she said softly, and he could hear that she stood up as he went to the door.

"I'm stupid for even coming here expecting your help. I guess I shouldn't have expected much anyway."

She repeated his name in such a hurt tone that Cloud immediately began to feel guilty for having been rude to her. He stopped his hand from opening the door, his brain now screaming with thousands of apologies that she probably wouldn't allow him to say. But it took him a moment to realize that it wasn't so much a hurtful tone as it was … imploring.

He turned to see that she had a business card jutted out at him, that warm smile back on her face, although slightly shaken. "What's this?"

"An appointment card. Let's see each other tomorrow."

Another door somewhere shut in the office, and she pushed it further towards him.

He grew angry, any feeling of regret for having spoken his mind to her melting away under that damned air conditioner above him. "No, this is the last place I want to be."

She glanced at her watch and seemed to ignore him once again, but her voice was no longer calm as it had been. "At two fifteen tomorrow."

"No."

"Don't bother signing in with the receptionist. Just come on back to my office, like we did today." Now her voice was pointed; each word was stressed.

Cloud stared, his eyes flickering against hers. Her glasses had slipped down on her nose, but she made no attempt to push them up. Instead, her hand was busy urging the appointment card into Cloud's.

He took it, but didn't look at it. He was too busy trying to pick apart her strange expression. "Fine," he said flatly.

She finally backed away, moving around to her desk swiftly. "Wait, you'll need this." She jotted something down on a slip of paper, and then handed it to him. It was a note excusing him from duty in the morning. "You know, for that new commander of yours."

He nodded numbly and slipped out of her office.

He wasn't entirely sure if he could trust the psychologist. He had his suspicions as to why she wanted to see him the following day, but he couldn't imagine it was to tell him where Ratcliff was. He was tempted to not show, but the pleading look on her face and in her voice made him reconsider. He wasn't being forced there, so if it ended up becoming a waste of time, he would simply leave.

Unsatisfied, Cloud decided to check back at the infirmary again in hope that someone would give and slip up, revealing that the man was indeed there. But it was pointless, because everyone who worked for Shin-Ra seemed to be an expert at being tight-lipped.

He had to be in there. There really was no other place that the man could have been. So Cloud began to poke around areas of the medical floor for quite some time. The pharmacy to start with, but when the technicians took notice of him and that he wasn't waiting for a prescription, he decided it best to leave. He tried the physical therapy gym, the imaging departments, hell, even the bathrooms.

The only person he did manage to spot was Haskin. Cloud wondered if he had gotten hurt, but when he noticed that Haskin was stalking about the infirmary, as though he were on the prowl, Cloud could only imagine that he was looking for him. So Cloud slipped away as fast as he could, nearly bumping into a man in a dark suit in the hallways near the psychologist's office. Cloud muttered a quick apology and hurried on, feeling that Haskin would turn the corner and spot him at any moment.

Somehow he wound up at Zack's door, panting and trying to calm himself. He didn't want to know how much trouble he would have been in had Haskin caught him looking for Ratcliff. He wouldn't know what grounds he would have been disciplined on as he really wasn't breaking any rules, but Haskin would surely think of something. Maybe Haskin would have reprimanded him for having a sloppy uniform, as his damned armor straps kept slipping about.

But Cloud forgot all of that once he heard Zack letting out a very loud and unrestrained yawn from inside. He sounded much like a dog yawning away so carefree, and Cloud must have chuckled at this louder than he thought, for no sooner had he raised his hand to knock, the door was already opening in front of him.

The greet he received pleasantly surprised him. He had never seen Zack look this animated before, and before he knew it, he was being pulled into the apartment with strong arms wrapping around his body and with a hearty laugh filling his ears.

"Heya, Cloud!" Zack said, squeezing him so tight that Cloud thought his helmet would rattle right off his head. "I missed you!"

Cloud smiled when Zack removed his helmet for him anyway and began to place a few eager kisses to his face. "Missed you too."

"I thought I heard someone outside my door," Zack said, setting Cloud's helmet on the coffee table. He plopped down on the couch with a heavy sigh, motioning for Cloud to follow. "Sure glad it was you. I was afraid it was Tseng again. I had only been back for a matter of hours and already I had him bugging me to turn in a report I forgot about to one of the offices. The bastard didn't give me any time to relax once I got in."

Cloud sat beside him, and they both instinctively moved closer together, Zack's hands already wrapping around his shoulders and bringing him close. "Yeah, I saw you a little bit ago actually."

Zack pulled away, looking down at Cloud with wide eyes, as though he were shocked. "You did? Where …? What floor?"

"The …" Cloud trailed off, noticing a worried expression coming across Zack's face, but Zack was trying to mask it by offering up a smile when their eyes met.

Why had Zack come from the psychologist's office? The more Cloud questioned that in his mind, the stranger it seemed by the second. Cloud wondered if it had something to do with Ratcliff. Did the psychologist call Zack and tell him that Cloud had been there, angry and rude, demanding to know more about what he shouldn't have known about in the first place? Did Zack even know that Ratcliff was being hidden away?

A wary feeling took over his body at the thought that Zack might have known what was going on, and had been involved in this, but he tried not to let his mind wander around such farfetched ideas.

But a thought suddenly occurred to him, and he found himself shaking his head. He had seen Zack before he had gone into the psychologist's office to speak with her. He silently scolded himself for having thought any of that. A lingering question still floated in the back of his mind. Zack was still leaving her office, regardless.

"I … don't remember where, now that I think about it," he lied.

Zack seemed to relax as he leaned back on the cushions, pulling Cloud against him again. "It could've been anywhere," Zack said, then paused for a brief moment. "Tseng had me going a lot of places for him today."

"But you're done now, right?" Cloud said, smiling at the thought of having the rest of the night off with him.

"Well, as long as I have my phone on me, there's always the chance of me getting called up."

"Then 'misplace' it," Cloud said coyly.

"No can do, I'm supposed to have it on me at all times." Zack frowned, having remembered the last time he tried to ditch it in Director Lazard's office. It ended up back to him, being personally delivered by Reno, complete with those text messages he would rather soon forget.

"Then at least turn it off and don't answer the door if anyone comes."

Zack let out an astounded sort of laugh, and his gaze rounded quickly on the boy next to him. "You make is sound as if we're gonna be doing something we wouldn't want interrupted."

Cloud's face reddened, and he even looked surprised that he had said something that might have sounded that way. "N-no, I just meant that–"

A sly grin slid onto Zack's face and he lowered his voice seductively. "I know what you meant, Cloud. It's okay." He leaned down, nuzzling his nose against Cloud's neck, which caused the boy to shiver. "Any time spent with you I wouldn't want interrupted," he murmured, placing a few slow kisses against heated skin.

"W-we have all night, Zack." Cloud pulled away, fidgeting a little as those tiny kisses already started to turn him on, but not having slept for two days left him without an ounce of energy to even think about using the bedroom for anything other than sleep. "Let's just sit here for a bit, okay?"

Zack stopped kissing him, but he couldn't stop the audible and frustrated groan that left his lips no matter how much he tried to hide it with a clearing of his throat afterward. "Sure, of course," he said shortly.

Cloud looked up at him, panic stricken across his face at his tone. "N-never mind, it's okay. We can kiss, if you want."

Zack was clearly frustrated over something, and he rubbed his face in his hands vigorously. "But that's not what you want, so we don't have to. It's just that it's been a while since we last saw each other, and, well …" Zack trailed off, shrugging his shoulders rather lamely to finish that thought.

Cloud was right, they did have all night to spend together, and Zack immediately was looking as though he felt stupid for having jumped to starting that so soon. He didn't even ask how Cloud's day had been going, or how his week went, for that matter.

Cloud was quiet for a moment, nibbling on his bottom lip in thought. "Why do we have to do what I want? Why not what you want?"

Zack let out another frustrated sound, but it was released through a weary smile. "It's about making sacrifices and compromises, Cloud. People will disagree on what they want, but to get along and be happy, someone has to give." He smiled at him wider now.

Someone has to give.

Cloud suddenly felt very drowsy, but it was a pleasurable drowsiness that mimicked the feeling of taking a nap in the warm sun. He slumped into Zack with a sigh and mumbled, "You're always the one that seems to be giving, though."

"That's not true," Zack said softly, running his hand through Cloud's hair before setting his chin down on top of his head. "You give me so much. Much more than you probably realize."

"Like what?" It was a question not of a challenge, but one of honest curiosity.

Zack was taken aback. He wasn't expecting Cloud to question him like that. He had a storm of reasons in his head, but to calm them and single out one on the spot without sounding corny, he knew would be impossible.

But he wasn't given time to answer. Cloud lifted his head, and Zack finally seemed to notice how tired he looked, for he frowned heavily at him.

"You feeling okay? You look … really damn tired," Zack said, sounding exasperated over him.

Cloud sat up sharply, turning away instinctively. "Yeah, fine."

"Rough day? I'm sorry, I should've asked you how things have been going."

"Fine," he said, his voice very brisk, and he knew that Zack wasn't fooled.

Zack made some form of confused noise of acknowledgment, but didn't pry further. An awkward silence followed after, which was broken by Zack turning on the television and by the leather squeaking when Cloud eventually shifted back towards him to cuddle.

They held each other for a while, aching muscles and churning thoughts of the day finally winding down. Conversation was mild, but was no longer awkward or frustrating, even if Zack was feeling a bit aroused.

And Cloud knew this, and he tried to take into consideration what Zack had said about sacrifices and compromising. It was true. Zack did sacrifice a lot when dealing with everything that had happened in the past with Cloud. And the man compromised with him whenever he was unsure about his decisions or feelings and didn't take advantage of him. Instead, he always offered Cloud his patience and understanding, even if Zack himself was frustrated and confused at the time. He did whatever he could to make Cloud feel comfortable.

Someone has to give …

Cloud sat up straight from leaning against Zack's chest. He turned, slipping onto his lap with a sudden determination that left Zack more wide-eyed than he had ever seen him. He placed a finger to his mouth when it opened to speak.

A sultry hush slipped between his lips before meeting Zack's. He kissed him once – slow with a deep breath in. "Turn your phone off," Cloud whispered, his lips not moving away.

"W-why?" Zack whispered back, shivering slightly in anticipation of Cloud's answer.

"I don't want us to be interrupted."

Zack let out a moan of longing as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on his phone to shut it off, and another one as they headed to the bedroom.

… To be continued in Chapter Forty-Four: Giving In.

Ending Author's Usual Babble: I love Kunsel. Just sayin'. XD

Just a few things …

'Field day' is a military term for the day that the men are forced to clean up the barracks. XD

That inside joke was for you two … you know who you are. ;3

Sorry about the three weeks. I just haven't been able to keep up with writing as much as I used to. I blame "Harry Potter" for some of that. I started reading the series in the middle of September and just now finished the seventh book the other day. I claim that I hate to read, but I actually love it. The only reason why I say that I hate it is because I get ADDICTED to reading and won't do anything else if I'm hooked on a book. OTZ But yeah, that slowed me down, but it was worth it. Such a good series of books. :3

We'll do two weeks this time. Let's see if I can catch up now that I'm done cramming wizardry into my head. So Tuesday, November 30th! Have a good Thanksgiving holiday for all the Americans reading. I am thankful for Zack and Cloud. Lol...

Love, and thanks for reading and especially for those who review! o3ob