Chapter Forty-Four: Giving In

Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to my lovely Djali/Kitsuchi-chan. Happy birthday, Love, and thank you for all that you've done for me and all the support you've given me. I hope your birthday was amazing as this chapter is. LOL I'M SO BAD. *is shot* XD But read on …

Delicate streams of light peeked through the slats in the blinds and crawled the length of the room lazily. They weakened and faded in and out as dominating gray clouds drifted across the sun, flaunting chances of rain with their color, but their bluff was called from the vividly blue sky in which they were surrounded.

Birds looked as though they would be chirping on this morning, but there were little trees on the upper plates that they would be able to collectively nest in, and any scarce sound they would make would not travel so high. The breeze, however, did make it that high, and it invited itself in through the open window in Zack's bedroom, stirring up the warmth of the sunlight around the two forms – one asleep, the other awake and enjoying watching the other.

It wasn't the warmth of the light, or the cool breeze that began to rouse Cloud – it was the hand that was trailing along his eyebrows, as they furrowed briefly, that was slowly bringing him from his slumber. The touch was gentle, dare he think ticklish so early in the morning, but he heard himself let out a single hum of amusement between the sounds of his steady breathing.

He felt at peace; each thought that would normally be swirling about his head – good or bad – was subdued in the comfort next to him, like an angry swarm of bees calming with smoke. But the smoke was but a loving murmur besides him, addressing him; yet, he couldn't bring himself to fully rouse from such a serene feeling, or even from the tickling touch across his forehead. It was as though the voice was so distant, hidden behind something that was trying to keep him apart.

He was trying to remember how he came to such a state. It was hard to concentrate on anything but the peaceful void in his mind. He felt as though if he were to disrupt it, he would forever lose this feeling.

"Really, Cloud, how much longer?"

Just a little longer …

"As much as I've enjoyed lying next to you all morning, it's really time to get up."

He heard himself mumble something, but didn't even feel his lips move. He just knew that whatever he managed to say made Zack laugh a little.

"You've been asleep for more than ten hours. I thought we were gonna spend some time together," Zack said lightheartedly.

We did … didn't we?

Daylight was now flooding his eyes as they opened, pouring into his sight impatiently, as if it had been waiting around for hours to do so. He saw Zack lying on his side facing him, his chest bare, and as he stretched a little and the blanket shifted, Cloud saw that he was fully nude.

His heart started to thump heavy in his chest when he realized that he was wearing nothing but his boxers, and that angry swarm in his mind awoken. He was now trying to piece together everything from the night before.

He remembered initiating a kiss, he remembered the door to Zack's room being thrust open carelessly and hitting the wall, he remembered the sound of their muffled moans being blended together between them as they kissed …

Clothes were quickly shed and tossed wherever, the mattress was dipped down beneath them from their weight and frantic, very frantic groping …

Then, that peace had consumed him.

Cloud looked at Zack, unable to say anything once he realized what had happened between them.

He had fallen asleep while they were making out.

It probably looked to Zack as though Cloud had passed out at the time. If Zack only knew how tired he was from having had such little sleep, it probably would have made some sense when one moment their tongues had been hungrily seeking out the other, and the next Cloud lay motionless beneath him.

But Zack mentioned nothing, and when Cloud's sight fully adjusted to the light in the room, a good morning was spilled warmly from Zack's lips when they parted open in a toothy smile.

"Good morning. You're finally awake."

"Zack, I can't believe it," Cloud said eagerly, but his voice was hoarse with drowsiness. "I fell asleep on you, didn't I?"

Now it was coming back more clearly as his drowsy state started to ebb away. Things surely had been getting heated the night before. He started to recall the urgency in Zack's reactions to his touching. He even heard the conversation again in his head that they had been having, although it wasn't so much a conversation as it was heady words and demands lustfully uttered. He felt himself blushing at some of the words he was remembering.

Zack grinned in a way that Cloud had a hard time interpreting. "Oh," he said, a slight humorous tremor in his voice, as though he were trying not to laugh, "don't worry about me."

Cloud frowned, guilt washing over every inch of him.

"Although, I probably should go and buy more … um … lube. There's a lot less of it now." Zack sat up, Cloud catching what he thought was a bashful expression on his face, one that he was probably making himself, especially when the blankets slipped further and revealed Zack's full body to him.

"Huh?" Cloud muttered, his eyes peeling away from Zack's groin when the man had reached over and grabbed something off the nightstand.

Zack snorted, holding up a box of tissues. "Look what I remembered to bring in here, just in case. Came in handy last night."

It was definitely a bashful look on Zack's face, Cloud now confirmed.

And slowly, he realized what Zack was talking about.

"Zack," Cloud choked out, "y-you did that next to me while I slept!" Cloud felt his face on fire from shock.

"Well, n-not next to you, like I was gettin' off watching as you slept or anything!" Zack cried out in his defense, his voice cracking in several places.

There was an awkward silence, and Cloud's eyes were terribly wide and unblinking.

"But I was left a little high and dry," he offered quickly, as though it were to make the situation a little less uncomfortable. But it didn't for Cloud.

"But … i-in the same room!"

"What's the big deal? It's not like we haven't done anything before. Might I remind you, we've both sucked each other off at the same–"

"That's different!" Cloud said at once, pulling the blanket up to his chest to hide himself.

Zack looked down at him, what once was a sheepish look now turning into one of confusion. "Cloud, are you really bothered by that? I didn't know that you would be so private about that after everything we've shared together."

"But that's different," Cloud now spoke in desperation, even though he didn't bother to elaborate or back up his statement. He just fell quiet again, looking as though he knew he already lost the conversation with no reasoning behind it.

The blankets rustled as Zack slipped back beneath them, scooting over to Cloud. He reached out and pawed around for Cloud's hands, then pulled them away from clutching at his chest to rest against his own.

"You were out like a light, though," Zack said slowly, changing the subject as best he could. "One minute you were giving me a run for my money, then before I knew it, I was doing all the work. Took me a few moments to realize that you were snoring."

"I-I know, I didn't mean to," Cloud said earnestly, allowing his hands to be brought to Zack's bare chest. He felt his eyebrows arching at the firm and warm body beneath his fingertips, and a chill ran through him as more of what could have been their night flashed through his mind. He heard a minute moan escape his lips.

But no matter how minute it was, Zack still heard it. He took that moment to shift even closer, wrapping one arm around Cloud's waist and bringing them together, their bodies meeting. Zack was a little disappointed that he could feel Cloud's boxers against his own bare skin, but he wouldn't have felt right removing those after Cloud was already asleep.

"I can see you feel bad about leaving me hanging like that." He smirked at his choice of words; he was hardly hanging the previous night. "So maybe … you can make it up to me this morning," he murmured, leaning into Cloud and nuzzling his forehead.

"Your phone still off?" Cloud murmured back, and his eyes closed when Zack began to kiss his face slowly.

"It is."

"How … do you want me to make it up to you?" Cloud's breath hitched in his chest when Zack's hands began to trail between them, rustling the blanket in a way that Cloud knew wouldn't be such an innocent sound much longer, the more that those hands roamed.

Zack kissed down to his lips, lingering there for a moment before making his way across his jawline and towards his ear. His hand began to stroke Cloud's stomach, leaning more into him to roll him onto his back.

Cloud looked up at him, his eyes hazy, picking up right where they had left off the night before with that amorous expression. He let out a similar whimper he had released the night before, as well, when Zack's tongue began to lap at his earlobe.

"Touch yourself," Zack whispered in his ear.

Cloud shuddered against him, his body immediately flushing in obvious embarrassment. "Zack, no."

But Zack ignored him, his tongue delving into Cloud's ear, which he had long since learned that it reduced the boy to a trembling need and a piqued desire. He moaned into his ear softly as his tongue trailed along the contours of it, his face burying into the messy blond hair. "I just couldn't help myself last night," he whispered, pausing for a moment to nibble his earlobe. "You drive me crazy with whatever you do."

"Zack," Cloud said, his voice higher in pitch already.

Zack smirked again, shoving his tongue deep into his ear, having to steady Cloud's body as it convulsed momentarily from the sensation. Cloud relaxed with a breathy moan after a moment, then shifted his body beneath Zack's hand as though he were trying to urge Zack to touch him.

His wordless plea was in vain; Zack made no effort to lower his hand beneath the boxers constricting Cloud's erection.

Instead, his kissing became slow and teasing, each holding the possibility for more, but none actually leading closer to that. Not even when Cloud began to writhe in frustration, his own hands gripping onto Zack's wrists and tugging on them did Zack comply.

"Please," Cloud whispered, his cheeks spotting pink from hearing his ardent tone. "J-just touch me."

Zack chuckled low and calmly as he began to drag his tongue from his ear down his neck, kissing his Adam's apple as it became exposed for him. He said nothing, though, but his lack of obeying was telling Cloud exactly what he didn't want to hear.

"No, Zack … don't make –" He cut himself off with a thick gasp as Zack's hand skimmed teasingly around his erection then across his heaving stomach and around his hip to his thigh where it remained. "- me do it."

He let out a relieved sigh when Zack finally seemed to listen to him, and he felt his boxers being tugged at from beneath the blanket. A shiver ran through him as he lifted his hips eagerly, and his boxers were removed in silence. But whimpers broke that silence when a few minutes in wait, and Cloud realized that Zack was not indulging him in the way that his body was yearning.

Trailing downwards Zack nipped, kissed and licked every inch of Cloud's bare skin, his lips feeling as though they were burning against the boy's body heat. He began to taste hints of perspiration, twinging the taste buds on certain parts of his tongue; he was relishing in the taste of Cloud's crumbling restraint.

"G-gods, Zack …" Cloud was whining now, a tone in which Zack had never heard before. It was making it hard to hold out for this long, but when Cloud started to run his fingers through his dark hair, he knew that it wouldn't be much longer.

Cloud's bellybutton was kissed with a sweet moan from Zack, feeling the moist tip of the boy's erection brushing beneath his chin as Cloud writhed again. He could feel those hands in his hair emitting a downward pressure, with fingertips wrapping around strands for added force, and palms trembling with hesitant desire. He smirked when the pressure suddenly lifted, and a defeated growl filled the room.

"It's okay, Cloud. Touch yourself," Zack murmured against his bellybutton, giving his stomach a nuzzle with his nose.

"No," Cloud said, panting heavily. "That's wrong."

"You can't tell me that you've never done it. That's a lie."

Cloud was quiet through a few more provoking kisses that were now closer to his member. When Zack paused to glance up at him, he looked away and mumbled, "Well … of course I have. Just … not in front of anyone."

"Not even in the barracks late at night when everyone is asleep?"

"No … not really," Cloud said without confidence.

"C'mon, Cloud …" Zack muttered, purring through a few more laps at his skin with his tongue.

Cloud's stomach flinched, his member twitching against Zack's throat again. "N-No, I haven't." He took a minute to recover while Zack grinned at him. The pink in his cheeks suddenly turned red, and his eyebrows that were once furrowed in sexual frustration were now in anger. "Stop asking! You're such a pervert!"

"I'm not," Zack said calmly. "It's just something that couples can do for each other."

Cloud looked baffled. "For?" he repeated. "How is this doing anything for you?"

"Well," Zack said, suddenly pulling away from hovering above Cloud's groin, and he got to his knees to lean over him, one hand firmly next to Cloud's head on the pillow, the other running along his own chest. "Just watch me. Tell me if you don't enjoy it."

Cloud was stammering at first, his eyes quickly darting off to the side as he saw Zack's hand finally grasp his own member. He knew his chest was rising and falling quickly, and even erratically, as when Zack let a moan slip from his lips, he felt his breath jerk inside his lungs. He tried not to watch, to catch a glimpse of his thumb swirling about the tip, to watch Zack's brilliant eyes haze over as he submitted to his own lust …

Zack caught a short flicker of interest in Cloud's face, especially when he made a very lengthy groan. He was moving his hand patiently, even though his heart was screaming for more … to experience more and to share more. At first, he was making sounds to get under Cloud's skin, but as he saw the boy reach between them and circle his hand over his stomach close to his own member, those sounds were growing genuine with the anticipation.

And Cloud finally looked over at him, his eyes moving from Zack's face immediately down to where his hand was touching. He watched Zack's hands – rough yet supple in feel, strong yet delicate in touch – run down his length, over every ridge and every inch of himself in a raw act of desire. His own teasing fingers treading lightly over parts that made his brow wrinkle, or his eyes to narrow, left Cloud with a coiling tension in not just between his legs, but throughout his entire body.

"C-Cloud," Zack muttered.

At first, he thought Zack was trying to get his attention, but when he noticed that Zack was lost in the moment as he touched himself, he realized his name had been uttered as though he was the reason for causing Zack that pleasure. He wondered what was going through Zack's mind.

Cloud's hand slipped down, touching himself with an increasing confidence … or lust – he wasn't sure. But it didn't matter what it was. The sight hovering above him, the sound of their hands now moving at the same speed … even their knuckles brushing against each other as their hands passed along … it all was an equal display of emotion for an equal purpose.

A small smirk tugged onto Zack's lips briefly before his eyes closed, the last image he saw was of Cloud's face stained in an embarrassed hue before finally giving in. He wanted to continue watching him, but this alone was an accomplishment, so he decided to give Cloud a bit of privacy, for now, as they both touched themselves.

Pre-come was collecting at Zack's tip, trickling over and catching Cloud's eye. The sight made him groan loudly, his tongue willing to lap at it as well as ask if they could stop using their hands to continue their pleasure. But the look of concentration on Zack's face as he became more animated and eager made it impossible to speak; he didn't want to disturb the man above him. But as Zack's fingers wiped up the fluid in their movement, distributing it across himself, Cloud was unable to stop himself from whimpering in need.

Zack opened his eyes as Cloud's hand started to move faster against himself, and the boy was clearly getting into it. Thick pants and breathless swears left Cloud's mouth, his hips bucking enough that their erections and hands were fully touching.

"Shit, Cloud," Zack said, lifting himself away from hovering over Cloud to sit back on his knees, and the blanket slipped back from their bodies revealing everything. Zack could now see the extent of how aroused Cloud was – it almost looked painful.

His free hand slid below Cloud's erection, cupping his balls and giving him a gentle squeeze. He massaged him in time with their stroking for a while, and Cloud's voice began to strengthen. He opened his legs a little, and their eyes met for a brief moment before Cloud's closed when Zack's hand gave him a firmer squeeze.

Zack released him and let his fingers dip below, shuddering slightly at the feel of the heat between his legs. He brought his hand back up, stroking it along Cloud's length, then back down again. Slowly, tentatively, Zack slipped his middle finger between Cloud's cheeks, watching him for any sort of reaction, but Cloud was too lost in what he was doing to really notice. It wasn't until his fingertip nervously began to circle around his entrance did Cloud finally react; he let out a long moan.

He began to urge Cloud's legs a bit wider at the welcomed sound, and the blond obeyed unconsciously, his knees bent and touching the mattress on either side of Zack's body. He squirmed a bit, his hips wiggling the more that Zack's finger would trace around him.

It was a feeling between being ticklish and being pleasurable. The touch of Zack's finger felt heightened, and a shudder racked Cloud's body as a bit more pressure was applied. There was much sensitivity in that spot that Cloud felt as though he could feel every ridge of Zack's fingerprint, and every slight tremble of his hand as it moved against him. It made his mind murky, and all he could do was slump his head to the side with another moan.

The puckering sound of a cap opening went ignored as Zack had reached over to the bottle of nearly-empty lubrication on his nightstand. He removed his hand from Cloud's body to pour some down onto his fingers, his hand shaking so much that a little missed and dripped onto the bed. He used his thumb to distribute the slick fluid about the full length of two of his fingers, and once again, one was brought to Cloud's entrance.

Cloud made a hissing sound at the cold feeling, and his eyes fluttered open to look between them. His hand stopped its movement along his member, and his eyes widened quickly. Panic was crossing his face.

"Z-Zack … what –"

Zack hushed him, smiling down at him reassuringly, even though his body was aching for everything about Cloud at that moment. "It'll just be my fingers." He felt his own heart jump at his words, and before he realized, his index finger was beginning to push into Cloud's body.

"J-Just that, right?" Cloud's voice had never been so meek.

"I promise … so relax."

Cloud paused in all movement and breathing for just a moment, but then finally reanimated when Zack's finger slowly began to move inside him. He gasped as though startled as Zack's other hand reached to one of his, bringing it back to his erection that now lay neglected against his abdomen.

"Relax, baby," Zack whispered thickly, urging Cloud's hand to move along himself once again. "Don't stop doing this … keep going for me."

Cloud nodded with a soft groan and continued.

One finger was enough to know so much about Cloud's body in an instant. The flesh around his finger was smooth, tightening around as muscles contracted when the boy's hand began to move faster on himself, and when his back would arch slightly. He could feel each quiver through him, each thrill of unfamiliar pleasure as Zack slowly moved his hand, knowing that Cloud was quickly becoming accustomed and accepting. It was an overwhelming and surreal feeling, and Zack could only imagine how more than one finger would feel.

He pushed in a second. Perhaps it had been too soon, as Cloud stiffened for a moment with a wince that was a mixture of surprise and discomfort. But it didn't last long, and his features melted into a lustful trance when Zack's fingers began to move again.

"This okay?" Zack murmured, then smiled when Cloud looked too distracted to answer properly; he seemed to only be able to grunt a response. "Let me know if you want me to stop."

"N-no, don't," Cloud whispered, his head lulling to the side once more. He let his eyes almost sink fully closed, but Zack could see a glimmer of light beneath his lashes when rays of sun from the window would reflect off them. Zack would have easily been fooled that those glimmers were tears if it hadn't been for the occasional but brief smile tugging at the corners of Cloud's mouth.

"I won't, then."

In and out … steady and gentle … two fingers now moved through that constricting heat, brushing past sensitive nerves, sending waves of new feelings through Cloud's body. Moans that harmonized filled the air, which was now warm and humid from the perspiration forming evenly on their skin.

Cloud stared at Zack's hand once again, through those half-lidded eyes, and he could clearly see more pre-come dribbling down Zack's member. He licked his lips as urges to take him into his mouth suddenly bombarded his mind. "Zack," he said, whimpering. "I … wanna –" He cried out in a loud moan as Zack suddenly thrust his fingers deeper, slipping past a bit of resisting muscle.

"D-did that hurt?" Zack asked hurriedly, a bit of panic in his words.

"N-No, it feels … I … wanna …"

"What, baby? What do you want?"

"I wanna … use my mouth on you," he whispered, his face red again.

Zack chuckled between a few of his own noises, his thumb circling his tip, trying to last a little longer; it was getting hard to control himself. He shook his head at Cloud, not wanting to stop the sight below him. Erotic did not come close to describing what Cloud looked like as he touched himself.

Cloud tried to choke out a plea, but when Zack's fingers inside him curled ever-so-slightly, a surge of strange and intense pleasure burst throughout his entire body. The feeling consumed his breath and his thoughts, leaving him with nothing but raw bliss. He cried out again.

The muscles around Zack's fingers felt as though they were trying to push back against his hand, but this fueled him to continue with a resolve to get him to cry out like that again; he had never heard such an unbridled sound coming from Cloud.

He began to thrust his fingers faster, but still gently, watching Cloud with such intensity that he hardly took note of his own movements on himself. Their eyes locked then as pleasure mounted, and they seemed to share a moment of fervent passion as everything began to teem on the edge of spilling over.

Cloud climaxed, strings of moans escaping his lips as he stiffened, unable to stop his voice. Zack continued to finger him, his movements roughened as his own orgasm followed quickly, and they released together in their own hands.

They stayed idle for a moment, Zack swaying on his knees and Cloud continuing to writhe with a heaving chest in the aftermath. Neither had taken their eyes off the other during, and even now as emotions began to calm, they resisted looking away from each other.

Cloud finally let out a small sound, his hips wiggling against Zack's hand, reminding him that he still had his fingers inside. Zack muttered something that was far from intelligible, and he gingerly slipped his fingers out, wincing along with Cloud as he did just a little.

"Sorry, baby," Zack whispered, holding up both of his hands rather warily. "Just hang on for a minute, let me get those tissues."

Cloud stopped Zack from moving, grabbing his hand covered in his own seed and brought it to his mouth. "Let me," he murmured before closing his eyes and beginning to lap at his fingers.

Zack stared in shocked awe, moaning as he watched Cloud clean him up without a second thought. If anything had been erotic, it would have been this. He couldn't stop himself from swearing continuously as Cloud serviced his mess.

"G-guess we don't need those tissues after all."

Cloud finished, pulling away with a sated purr, albeit restrained as he was surely calming down now from everything and realizing his actions.

Zack chuckled and eagerly returned the favor to Cloud's hand.

A bit of an embarrassed silence floated between them, but Zack tried to ignore it as he nestled back down beside Cloud, pulling the blanket back over their waists. He wasn't sure what to make of Cloud's expression, but it looked a mixture of a stunned reflection on what had just transpired.

Zack grew a bit worried when more than five minutes passed without a single comment made to each other, so he leaned into him and started kissing at his jawline. "I hope I wasn't out of line."

"No," Cloud said at once. "It's okay."

"It didn't hurt, did it?"

"No," this was said just as quickly. "I can't believe that it didn't."

"Well," Zack said, laughing softly, "it was only my two fingers."

"Still!" Cloud said, exasperated.

Zack pressed his lips together in thought before he gave Cloud an eager look. "So … it was good?" He felt as though he already knew the answer, given Cloud's reaction to it, but he wanted to hear Cloud say it for himself. Not only had he got Cloud to touch himself in front of him, he also was getting Cloud used to … other things.

Cloud looked back at him, his eyes still wide in shock, and Zack rolled over, propping himself above Cloud to look directly at him as he answered. "It was …" Cloud's eyes were momentarily drawn between them, catching one last glimpse of Zack's softening member. He couldn't help but groan. "Yeah, it was."

Muzak was droning overhead; Cloud took note that it was quieter than usual. Not that that was anything to complain about. The soothing song that was on now Cloud actually recognized form having worked in the office for several long weeks before, and it wasn't that the song was bad or annoying, it was just … too soothing. It brought back memories of battling to stay focused and oftentimes to stay awake during those shifts. Even now, he was feeling drowsy by thinking about it.

Of course, that could have been attributed to his morning with Zack.

The receptionist merely glanced up at him and gave him a polite smile, but said nothing; her eyes darted back down and resumed her activity behind the counter. Cloud was unsure if he should state what he was there for, but remembered that the psychologist promoted him to head back to her office without signing in. He thought it a bit strange, but he made his way past the front desk and through the hallway as instructed.

With the music turned down, he could hear Dr. Bleier's deep voice muffled from behind his office door as Cloud passed. He paused by it, glancing over his shoulder to see if anyone was nearby, and he tried to make out what was being said. But nerves got the better of him when he heard the receptionist move from her seat, so he hurried down the hall.

He was greeted not by a warm smile from the psychologist, but with a rush of frigid air. Instantly, the hairs on his arms and neck prickled and a brief shiver of shock shook through his shoulders. His armor shifted from his shuddering, and he readjusted them as he closed the door behind him. The air conditioner was on full blast again, and he wondered dully what town the psychologist was from to withstand such cold air. Perhaps she was from the Icicle Inn, or the Modeoheim area. This was cold, even for Cloud's Nibelheim standards.

The psychologist was not there.

"Um … hello?" Cloud called, having to raise his voice over the hum of the air conditioner. "D-Dr. Arolin?" Cloud frowned; he double-checked the clock on her desk with the appointment card she had issued him the previous day – it was the correct time, but the office was empty.

There was a small room that he knew about that was connected with her office, and he figured she must have been in there. It was mainly used as a storage room for extra filing cabinets, and he himself had been in there a few times to file things away while working there. He peeked inside, but saw nothing but the filing cabinets lining around the wall with a few dusty cardboard boxes on top.

He started to feel annoyed. Maybe something had come up and she couldn't make it, but she was the one that had insisted on this appointment – not him. He couldn't imagine the psychologist standing him up when she herself had practically been begging him to come.

Cloud was about to leave, but stopped abruptly when he saw a simple note lying on the patient couch. It wasn't addressed to anyone, but he assumed it had been left for him. He saw her writing scrawled across the paper, and reluctantly picked it up as he juggled about the idea to ignore it and just leave. But he decided to give it a read.

'Please wait for me. If you get cold, remember to turn off the AC.'

His perturbed snort was barely audible over the air shooting out from the vent above. He wondered how long she would possibly be, as he sat down on the couch, and he realized that if she had bothered to write this note, she must have known she would be gone long enough for Cloud to lose his patience.

He was going to humor her request, but only for so long. If he hadn't been the least bit curious to find out what she had to say, he would have left. He would much rather be spending his day in its entirety with Zack. Just the thought of what he and Zack had done earlier that morning sent a pleasurable quake through his spine and a warm feeling churning in his stomach … and in other areas.

He was surprised with himself. He had been so worked up in the moment to realize where Zack's free hand had wandered. He was scared, if not for only a brief moment, but once Zack had smiled at him, he knew that he could trust him to not venture any further. All he knew was that he would not have wanted to stop what Zack was doing to him. It had just felt too good to stop, and admittedly, he found himself wondering what more would feel like.

Cloud felt his face blush instantly. He had been trying to ignore it for a while now, but even he was aware that things were steadily growing closer and their options were dwindling down in what they could do that wasn't actually sex.

At times like these, he wished that he could speak with Ratcliff. He had no one in which to confide, and the mere thought of having sex with Zack made his head spin and unable to sort out his brain. Ratcliff surely would know what to tell him or what to suggest. He always seemed to be able to make Cloud feel better about things that were troubling.

What would he say to him at a time like this? Perhaps he would tell him to wait until he knew for sure that he was ready; perhaps he would tell him to just go for it. Cloud just couldn't be entirely sure. He could practically hear the man's voice saying both possibilities, and it left him no closer to coming up with an answer than before he had thought of him.

Ratcliff …

Cloud felt another chill colder than the surrounding air could ever cause him. The man's whereabouts were still unknown. He had little information about what had happened to him, and that little that he had was no where enough to even come to some sort of solid theory. All he knew was that the report claimed that Ratcliff had been seen by the psychiatrist in this office, and that was it. That told him nothing.

This office. It was empty.

Cloud looked up to the door that led to that small storage room. He could see the doorknob peeking out from between two bookcases that flanked the door, and his heart began to beat fast. How long had he been waiting in this office for the psychologist? He glanced to the clock; it had already been fifteen minutes. Would he have enough time to rummage through a few of those filing cabinets before she returned?

Could this have been what the psychologist was going for the entire time? Had she left him alone in her office for a reason?

He found himself moving slowly towards the storage room door, as though he were trying to remain undetected in her empty office. It was pointless, but paranoia weighed on his mind as he turned the doorknob, and it seemed to him like his movements were alarmingly loud, even though somewhere in the back of that paranoia-filled mind he knew nothing could be heard over the sound of that air conditioner.

It was on a whim that he looked through those cabinets, as he realized that Ratcliff was Dr. Bleier's patient and not hers. But maybe, just maybe she had something stored in here on the man. So he rummaged as quickly as he could, his hands shaking with anxiety as he flipped through the folders, but his mind was racing too much to pay attention to what he was doing. He had to calm himself when he realized that he had just looked past at least twenty patient files and had not retained one name that he saw. He could have easily looked over Ratcliff's file in his haste.

He scolded himself and went through again, muttering the names out loud so he could hear them and help retain them that way. But he found nothing. The only thing of interest that he came across was of his own file, to which he really had no interest to look through, despite past curiosities in knowing what it contained.

His head was throbbing horribly.

Cloud closed up the filing cabinets clumsily and shuffled back out into her office. He slumped back onto her couch and began pawing around his trouser pockets for his prescription. He had gotten good at taking them without water lately, as it seemed the headaches hit him at inconvenient times where downing them with liquid was unavailable, and he took one out of the bottle without even giving the water cooler tucked in the corner a second glance. But he nearly missed popping the pill into his mouth as his body suddenly gave an involuntary shudder, and he realized he was once again sitting directly under the vent.

"Stupid AC," he muttered angrily, and rather hoarsely as the pill had gone down a bit rough. He cursed the psychologist in his head and stood to turn the thermostat off like how she had suggested; he wondered why she just didn't do it herself.

The air above slowly died to nothing. He could hear murmuring in the room next door, and then Dr. Bleier's distinct voice traveling through the quiet vent now. But that second voice …

Cloud stood, transfixed. This voice was light … shy … nervous. He couldn't exactly make out the words, but the way that the sentences that were spoken all sounded the same as they ended.

Was that … Ratcliff?

He scrambled to clamber up onto the couch to try and get his ear closer to the vent, even though standing fully erect left him a good two feet from the ceiling. He tried to stay perfectly still, but his painful head was making it hard to concentrate, and to stand steady. He found himself wobbling a few times, and unable to make out anything that the lighter voice was saying.

All Cloud managed to hear was Dr. Bleier ask the patient, "How are the pills making you feel?"

He had to get down. He was getting too dizzy straining his ear to the ceiling while balancing on the precarious cushions. Blood was now pounding in his ears either from excitement or pain, but either way, he had to close his eyes and rest for a moment on the couch.

He lost track of how long he lay there for, and his vision was too blurry to look at the clock. But he forced himself to get to his feet when he heard the door to the office next door shut and shaking through the walls, and he momentarily froze, trying to decide if he should still wait for the psychologist.

He could hear Ratcliff's voice clearer now.

Cloud threw open the door, wincing a little as the force caused a rather loud crash when the door hit the wall, but he didn't care. He began scrambling down the hall after them.

"Oh, there you are!"

He let out a small yelp of surprise as the psychologist suddenly appeared around the corner, blocking him from exiting out into the waiting room. She was smiling at him strangely, her eyes glancing over her shoulder to the front desk where Cloud could hear Dr. Bleier murmuring something to the receptionist.

"P-please move," Cloud said, panting.

She leaned in close. "Calm down," she whispered softly to him, moving to block him as he tried to dart around her. "Just calm down, Cloud, and follow me."

He swallowed hard a few times, finding it difficult through his frantic breathing, but he did as told and allowed her to lead him slowly out of the hallway and around to the front desk.

"Sorry that I'm late," she said in her normal voice. She slipped behind the counter and gestured for Cloud to stand in front of her on the other side.

He stopped right next to Ratcliff.

"An incident happened with another patient of mine, and I was summoned to talk with him to make sure he didn't do anything rash," she said, the last words very pointedly. Her eyes flickered from Cloud to Ratcliff before they dipped down to her scheduling book. "Let's reschedule."

Both he and Ratcliff were breathing heavily.

She took her time filling in another appointment for Cloud, glancing up every now and then to watch as Dr. Bleier filled out what Cloud could only assume was a prescription pad for Ratcliff.

Both doctors finished at the same time, one handing out an appointment card, the other handing out a prescription.

Both Cloud and Ratcliff took the papers, muttered their half-hearted thanks about the same time, then turned and left.

Ratcliff exited first, throwing the door open roughly, hitting a man in a suit rounding the corner in the process. Cloud followed in shocked silence, watching as Ratcliff headed towards the elevators at a very brisk speed. They neared them, but as Cloud was about to hit the button, he suddenly felt himself being seized and dragged into the stairwell beside the elevators with shaking hands.

The stairwell was dark and warm with staled air; quite a shock from having been in the controlled – albeit frigid – air of the office. The ambience of the surrounding floors were muffled and echoing throughout the plunging depth of the building, and Cloud caught a quick glimpse of the twisting staircase below disappearing into darkness. He felt that if he stared any longer, he too would be sucked into the void that seemed to swallow the stairs.

The door was shut loudly behind them, and Cloud felt himself being hurled around and slammed up against the wall. "R-Ratcliff! What the hell –"

"I'm a terrible liar, you know, yeah? Can't lie worth shit, yeah!" Ratcliff pinned Cloud's shoulders against the wall, ignoring the boy when he winced in pain. "I gotta remember to finish my sentences with 'yeah', yeah? O-otherwise, they'll know I'm lying, yeah, because when I don't end them with 'yeah', it's obvious, yeah? I try too hard!"

"Ratcliff," Cloud said, gasping in the air that had been knocked from his chest, "w-what are you talking about? Slow down …"

"I can't tell you, yeah," Ratcliff said quickly. "I was told not to tell you anything, yeah. No one can know, yeah. They're watching, you know? I bet they are, why wouldn't they, yeah?"

"Who? Just tell me already!"

When the echo of Cloud's voice slowly died, the sudden silence in the stairwell was eerie, and even those muffled noises from Shin-Ra's activities seemed to disappear. His eyes flickered against Ratcliff's, taking in the strain of his face from the unimaginable horror that Cloud suddenly felt was surfacing.

Ratcliff looked delusional. His eyes were listless, as though the dark circles beneath them were black holes, sucking the life from them. His skin was ashen and damp – not from exertion, but from whatever turmoil was going through his head. Maybe it was the shock of finally seeing each other again after so long and under such strange circumstances. Maybe it was from embarrassment that Cloud had seen him in such a place to begin with … whatever it was, something had to explain the haunted look on his face.

"Cloud," Ratcliff said, his fingertips digging into Cloud's arms.

"R-Ratcliff … where have you been all this time?"

Ratcliff's jaw quivered before he spoke, but his voice came out surprisingly calm. "Nibelheim."

Cloud started to feel lightheaded, a definite feeling of dread washing over him. "Nibel – b-but, why? What happened?"

There was another long silence before Ratcliff's mouth finally moved, but Cloud heard no words; blood was starting to pound behind his ears again.

"What?"

Ratcliff repeated himself with a look of reluctance. And Cloud heard it right before the blood roared, drowning out everything else; right before the dark stairwell became even darker … before the air became cold again.

"I killed Graves," Ratcliff had said.

Cloud blacked out before he even hit the floor.

… To be continued in Chapter Forty-Five: Perks and Monsters.

Ending Author's La la laaa: Cloud, what is wrong with you! I'd let Zack fap all he wanted next to me! Oh my … WELL. This certainly was a chapter with some extremes, man. Hope you all enjoyed it. Heehee! I THINK ZACK SURE DID.

Next chapter is gonna be on … Tuesday, December 14th. Gonna skip another week. I am so far behind in this story. I was having some trouble in chapter forty-six with motivation and inspiration and yeah. Stress does kill that quite easily. Anyway! Hope you don't mind!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I can't express that enough to you all. ; w ; Lots-o-love!