Chapter Fifty-Nine: Kalm

Several weeks went by, and each mission request Zack had put in to both Sephiroth and Tseng was denied. Anything that would get him in or near Kalm was foisted onto another SOLDIER, and Zack was dealt assignments and missions which kept him safe within the confines of Midgar.

He had even requested an extended liberty, and then a vacation to Junon, but they were vetoed as fast as they were presented to his two superiors.

These denials were becoming even more frustrating when Cloud was showing signs of getting better and was less of a risk to leave behind. The boy was smiling a little more, talking with Zack comfortably, suffering fewer nightmares, and eating with interest. Zack had taken it upon himself to begin cooking Cloud meals, ensuring that he was eating healthy and hearty enough to put some weight back onto him.

Zack was not very good at cooking, at least not at first, but with practice and with more time on his hands from a lack of lengthy missions, he got the hang of it.

Cloud was clearly turning a corner, albeit a small one, yet he remained under suicide observation and Zack's knives were still confiscated. It made cooking a bit difficult, but Zack managed with a cheap set of knives he bought at the store. He would be damned if he tried to cut raw vegetables with a butter knife.

When Zack did have the chance to leave Shin-Ra headquarters, he was more than certain a Turk had been assigned to watch over Cloud as discreetly as possible. It wasn't a very hard task, as Cloud didn't leave Zack's quarters at first, except for several appointments at Dr. Arolin's office. But he stopped going abruptly when he mentioned Dr. Arolin was out sick one day, and couldn't make their scheduled appointment. Nothing was scheduled for him after that.

Zack found that to be odd, especially with the observation still in effect, but Cloud seemed relieved.

So relieved, in fact, that they had made love that very night. It was after a meal which Zack cooked that he was particularly proud of—chicken parmigiana on a bed of slightly overcooked spaghetti—and Cloud seemed to be fond of it, too, based on the heaping seconds he dished for himself. He even stuffed florets of broccoli into his mouth, but not without hasty chewing.

After they digested in a sated silence and retired to bed, it wasn't long after the lights went out that their goodnight kisses turned heated, and what little clothing they wore to sleep was tossed to the side. Zack's apprehension was discarded as quick as his boxers when Cloud rolled onto his back and lifted his legs in a wordless demand. As much as Zack wanted to shove himself deep inside Cloud right then, he controlled himself long enough to slow the pace.

Zack kissed him with care, lavished in tasting his skin as it changed flavors the more Cloud became needy. He clung to each sound Cloud made when he buried his nose against his body, the member in his mouth swelling with an unmistakable urge. The hands which shoved into his hair and clawed at his scalp dared him to give in, but he resisted. Even when Cloud choked out Zack's name in a plea, he remained determined to take his time.

He wanted this time to be transparent. There would be no fear, no impaired judgment, no fresh pain to dictate their every move. There would be no blood soaked clothes hiding in his bathroom, Cloud's face would be safe from tears. A death would not be looming in the shadows of Cloud's heart.

When Zack finally did give in, when he finally entered Cloud with every ounce of desire he held, there was nothing stopping either of them from fully nurturing their love. Every bead of sweat which blended together was cherished as their bodies entwined. Each gasp and moan was savored, every quiver memorized within each other's body. Fingers interlaced and gripped that moment, with no intent of letting go or forgetting.

And as the air became thick, as the sheets dampened and twisted beneath them, as every thought they ever had about one another went rushing through their minds, that love flourished to its peak. Their bodies lay spent, but they themselves were nourished. Everything was clear, and everything had a simple meaning.

That night was the first in a long time that Cloud didn't have a single nightmare. He lay motionless, soundless. He was devoid of troubles and suffering as he slept beside Zack. And even though Zack spent that night with hardly any sleep, it was the first time in a long time that he did it of his own accord. To watch Cloud remain that peaceful was in a way more satisfying than their lovemaking had been.

Despite Cloud's slow healing, the anger in Zack's heart continued to fester. There would be times when Zack would feel plagued by all that had happened. The death of Angeal, his own friends, and the deaths of Cloud's friends made Zack feel as though his mind was suffocating. He would find himself questioning how different things would be had he not allowed Graves to flee in Costa del Sol. Had he captured him that day, would it have spared Ratcliff just enough misery that he would still be alive? Would Cloud have endured the aftermath?

Would Zack be gambling with Cloud's life by going to Kalm?

Guilt tried to consume him, but revenge was already feasting on the very marrow of Zack's constitution. It had butchered him, swallowed his rationale like an hor d'oeuvre, devoured his logic, and engorged itself on his common sense. There was nothing left of him but a primitive instinct to hunt and kill.

Those scraps of him were now gathering up a small pack of provisions. He moved silently throughout his quarters, careful not to close his medicine cabinet too loudly as he grabbed potions and toiletries. He was mindful of opening his closet door only wide enough to get his arm in to grab what he needed for this trip, and that included his sword. Even as he wrote Cloud a brief, seemingly casual note about being called out on a short mission, he wrote slowly as though the sound of the pencil tip on paper would scratch itself into Cloud's subconscious as he slept.

With his preparations finished, all that was left was to kiss Cloud goodbye, and even that he debated doing in fear of waking him. He moved back into his bedroom, avoiding stepping on parts of his carpet which were known to cause the sub-floor to creak. He was careful not to stub his toes on the leg of the bed frame which had always stuck out with annoying confidence. And as he leaned down to kiss Cloud as softly as he could, he engaged every muscle in his abdomen and his back to carry him as steady as possible. With how light of a touch his kiss was on Cloud's forehead, he even questioned himself if he had really made contact with his skin.

After all the precautions, after all the SOLDIER maneuvering he implemented, it was his phone that decided to buzz and wake Cloud up.

Blue eyes were staring into Zack's, hazy with sleep and confusion. They stared at each other for what felt like ages, and at one point Zack considered not moving in hopes that Cloud would just roll over and go back to sleep.

"What's going on?" Cloud muttered, voice slurred. Zack's hopes were dashed as Cloud raised himself up in bed, far from the supine position to which he was willing him to return.

"Go back to sleep, baby."

Cloud was squinting at him in the dark, then reached out to feel for the lamp beside him. It flicked on and he squeezed his eyes shut for only a moment before he went back to looking Zack over. "Where're you going?"

Before Zack could turn the light off and squelch the situation, and even before he could come up with some sort of soothing line to get him to lie back down, Cloud was kicking the blankets off himself and standing up.

"You're leaving?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Just a short mission. I won't be gone long, I promise."

"Where? How long?"

Zack placed his hands on Cloud's shoulders to both calm him, and stop his swaying. He could feel Cloud tense. "Outskirts of Midgar. Hopefully for just a day or two."

"Then why aren't you in your uniform?"

Zack was, in fact, not in uniform. He had planned to slip out of headquarters in his civvies, both to go undetected from watchful eyes, and to stop his belts and leather boots from making noise as he slipped away from Cloud.

"I was gonna put it on out in the living roo—"

Cloud cut him off by shrugging out of his grip. "What kind of mission takes you to the outskirts of Midgar at—" Cloud glanced at the clock, "at three-thirty in the morning?"

It was hard to keep his patience, but he knew he had to try. "One that gets my phone buzzing because I'm running late." He held up his phone then, as if to validate everything.

Cloud then glanced out into the living room where Zack's sword lay in wait and with his pack beside it. He looked back to Zack, focusing not on his eyes, but on his nose. "Your nose twitched. You're lying to me."

Zack rubbed at the tip of his nose sheepishly. He pursed his lips together to stop himself from frowning in irritation. "Go back to sleep, please. I'll be back soon."

Cloud's face was setting into panic.

"C'mere," Zack said softly, pulling Cloud down to sit beside him on the bed. Cloud went willingly, but not without a noise of protest. "I know you've been scared, Cloud. You don't want me to leave you, and I've tried not to all this time. The most we've been apart lately has been half a day, but at some point we both have to get back into the Shin-Ra grind."

His small speech was met with silence.

"You've been doing so well with handling the times we have been apart. You've been handling all of this … everything with so much strength." Zack reached out and brushed Cloud's hair from his eyes, and he saw that they were glistening but filled with anger. "I know you can handle this, too."

"Am I supposed to handle your lie, too?"

Zack bit his tongue, and he bit it hard. He felt his own anger surging up through his chest and throat, trying to pry his jaws apart to break free with accusations that had long been suppressed. The lies upon lies that the both of them had told each other were becoming too much for Zack to bear.

So he let his tongue slip.

"I'm going to Kalm to speak with Mejia's family. I don't believe he's dead, and I need to find out where he is. There. Happy?"

Cloud stared at him with such a wild look that Zack leaned away from him. Whether Cloud were to scream, cry, or punch him, Zack didn't know, but he knew there was something with that look which scared him.

Scream, cry, or punch Cloud did not. Instead he stood up and began grabbing at his clothes and dressing himself with haste.

"Wh-What're you doing?"

"I'm coming with you."

Now Zack was wearing that wild look, and he was standing to stop Cloud from continuing. "No. No, you are not coming with me, Cloud. It could be dangerous!"

Cloud whirled on him. "Dangerous? Dangerous?! Don't you think I know that?!"

Zack stepped back and shrank into himself.

"I know firsthand how dangerous he is! He molested me! He killed Elici in cold blood! He probably killed Graves, and he drove Ratcliff to commit suicide!"

"… How do you know that he killed Graves?" Zack squeaked out.

Cloud's anger diffused in an instant. He stumbled to sit down on the mattress as if all the energy he had was used up. When he spoke, his voice was haggard and weak. "R-Ratcliff, he … he told me so."

Zack moved to sit beside him stiffly, prepared to give the boy space if he were to get a surge of anger again. "So Ratcliff really wasn't the one who killed Graves?"

Cloud was staring off into the corner with those wild eyes again. He was swallowing repeatedly. Zack detected a slight sway of his head as though he were shaking it to answer Zack's question, but no words came from his mouth.

Zack's phone began buzzing in succession, the sign of a phone call instead of a text message. He stood to leave and expected Cloud to remain where he was in that daze of his, but suddenly Cloud was moving again and dressing himself with that earlier urgency.

Zack watched him for a brief moment before he sighed and turned to exit the bedroom. "Leave your uniform. Throw on a hoodie. You have two minutes."

Cloud used the two minutes to scramble between the bathroom and Zack's bedroom. A good portion of the time was used to sift through his uniform in search of something. Zack couldn't tell what Cloud was looking for, but he saw that Cloud pulled something which looked like a slip of yellow paper from the trousers of his uniform, and stuff it into the pocket of the jeans he was now wearing.

After the sound of the bedside drawer closing could be heard, Cloud emerged from the bedroom with one of Zack's spare gym bags. He had a strange look on his face, one which Zack couldn't quite figure out. Determined, yes, but … embarrassed?

The look disappeared when he noticed Zack was watching him closely. It was replaced with a look of slight annoyance.

"What happened to my uniform? The belts and straps are missing."

Zack turned away from him to busy himself with adjusting his own pack, but it was to hide his twitching nose as he spoke. "I, uh, turned them in to be refitted for you."

Cloud made a noise of acknowledgment but didn't question it further, or question why Zack didn't show the same courtesy to the rest of his ill-fitting uniform. Despite having tried to put weight on Cloud the past few weeks, his clothes were still loose.

"Luckily I found my bunny hug," Cloud muttered, pulling a hooded sweatshirt over his head.

The phone in Zack's hand began buzzing again. It was Kunsel, and he was getting impatient. "I told you that you only had a few minutes to get to the stairwell before the security feed comes back online on your floor. Why haven't you left yet?"

Zack motioned to Cloud to pull his hood over his head after he did the same to his own. "I'm going now. I'll meet you in twenty minutes." He snapped the phone shut before Kunsel could get another word in.

Cloud's infantry training was kicking in, as he was standing erect and clearly awaiting orders from Zack. He had both his bag and Zack's swung over his shoulders, with his hood sunk down low over his eyes. It reminded Zack of the first time they met in the snow of Modeoheim, right before Cloud removed his helmet to introduce himself.

"Keep your hood up and your head down low. Kunsel cut the cameras on this floor only, so we need to make it to the stairwell quick. We can't take the elevators or leave through the lobby. Too many cameras, too much security."

"Does that mean you don't have clearance for this mission?"

Zack ignored him and ushered him out the door before locking it behind them. They moved swiftly and began the long, winding descent through the building. Cloud was keeping up better than Zack had anticipated with how deconditioned he had become lately, but it wasn't many flights of stairs more when Zack began to hear Cloud panting behind him. Soon after, Cloud stumbled while twisting around the landing to begin racing down the next flight of stairs.

He waved off Zack's help and blamed it on his motion sickness.

Zack set a slower pace, but not by much. Every muscle in his body was pulling him toward his goal, and further away from his sensibilities.

The bottom of the building was reached. Zack paused to strain his hearing throughout the stairwell for following footsteps, but he heard nothing but Cloud's labored breaths, gulping for steadiness. He wondered for a brief moment if allowing Cloud to come was a damning choice, but the eager look on his face to go through the door in front of them was enough for Zack to continue.

Zack opened the door slowly, wincing as the hinges let out a shriek at being disturbed. He peered through the crack in the doorway, seeing no immediate suited silhouette in the darkness. A hand signal to Cloud to follow, and they slipped out the door and onto a maintenance road. They stuck to the shadows, following along the curving road until it brought them to the front of the Shin-Ra building. Their eyes scanned along the expanse of the grand entrance, through the spotlights which lined the marbled terrace like sentries between the building and the rest of the city. The lights glared against their vision, making it hard to see down the sprawling steps and into the unknown beyond, but there was no going back.

They avoided the spotlights, sticking to the side as much as they could before they were down the steps and then filtered onto a road. It led them to a security checkpoint with a small guard station at the entry gate. There were no sounds which Zack could hear; no footsteps or radio chatter, no rustling pages of a book in the hands of a bored guard, no equally bored yawning.

With caution, Zack slid to the side of the station and held his breath as he peeked through the window. Inside, he could see there was a shattered coffee mug which had expelled its contents onto the uniform of a guard before it had hit the ground. The guard was face down on a control panel, his body limp but positioned haphazardly on the chair, as if he suddenly dropped forward. The security monitor which sat beside the guard's head was showing not the images of the road and surrounding areas, but electronic noise. Zack could see that the man was breathing evenly with no apparent injury or struggle. His instinct told him the guard had possibly been blindsided by a very effective Sleep spell.

"Kunsel's handiwork," Zack whispered to Cloud, motioning to the scene. "Don't know why he didn't become a Turk instead." He clapped Cloud on his shoulder when he was unable to respond due to all the huffing he was doing. "C'mon, we need to meet up with him so we can borrow his truck."

Once they had bypassed the checkpoint, they made their quick escape out of Sector 0 into Sector 1. Their pace was hastened, now on level ground and out of the omnipotent eye of Shin-Ra. Cloud was able to keep up, but not without ragged panting and the occasional groan as the packs he carried began to weigh heavier the further they went.

They passed through the train station, still careful to not move beneath the glow of the street lights, and to avoid the station guard patrolling the train platform; the fewer eye witnesses, the better. They found the gateway for Sector 8 and trotted along a promenade paved with cobblestone. The sound of an occasional car puttering through the adjacent streets could be heard, muffled from the buildings huddled against each other in perfect rows, forming perfect blocks. Between each block were darkened alleyways only wide enough for a single vehicle to pass through, creating a grid for all the inhabitants of Sector 8 to call home.

Just as Cloud was beginning to run out of steam, Zack slowed down as they came up to an alleyway which was lit by the headlights of a vehicle tucked between the buildings. They ducked down the alley and came face to face with the bright lights, and someone emerging from a truck in wait.

"About damn time, Zack." It was Kunsel. "What took you so long?"

Zack motioned behind himself and Kunsel peered around his shoulder to see Cloud stumbling up behind, trying to catch his breath. The boy looked as though he were a small child following an older sibling somewhere that he wasn't supposed to be.

"What's he doing here? Is he even fit to go?" Kunsel looked from Cloud to Zack, who was rubbing the back of his neck in a sheepish manner.

"Yes, he is," Cloud answered for himself, voice annoyed through his heavy breaths.

Kunsel lifted an eyebrow and watched as Cloud tossed the packs into the bed of Kunsel's truck. "What about your motion sickness?"

Cloud growled and snatched the keys right out of Kunsel's hand. "I'll be fine if I'm the one driving. Zack, get in."

Kunsel stepped back with his hands in the air, as if surrendering. "Yes sir, Strife sir!" He gave Zack one last look of doubt before the doors to the truck were shut and the engine started. He went to the passenger's side as Zack was rolling down the window. "Remember what I told you. His family won't give out information willy-nilly, even if you claim you're a friend of Mejia's. Assuming they do know of all the horrible shit he's done, they're still gonna do whatever they can to protect him."

"Gotcha," Zack said, releasing a restrained sigh.

Kunsel lowered his head in the window, nearly resting his chin on the door frame. He looked over to Cloud who was adjusting the mirrors and going through all of the proper checks before driving—the telltale habits of a brand new driver. "You, ah, sure this is a good idea? What if … he's there?"

Zack frowned thoughtfully for a moment, realizing he hadn't thought through the repercussions in the least bit. "I don't know. But he's safe when he's with me."

"Can't argue with that." He looked to Cloud and raised his voice. "Hope you're ready for a workout, Cloud. There's no power steering in this baby, so don't be afraid to whip that steering wheel around." Kunsel chuckled at Cloud's serious nod and then stood up, slapping the roof of his truck twice.

The truck pulled out of the alleyway slowly as Cloud tried to acquaint himself with the vehicle in an instant. With Zack's help navigating, they were on the Midgar freeway in just a few minutes since the surface streets were empty in the ungodly morning hour. The freeway was just as sparse with cars, which did make watching for a tail a lot easier.

Soon the luxury of the freeway ended, and they were dumped into the wastelands of Midgar unceremoniously. The first twenty minutes of the ride together was in a tense silence, and every now and then Zack would glance over and see how Cloud's face was set in a stern look. He could see his jaw was clenched, as though holding back words he wanted to say. He was gripping the steering wheel with such force that if the truck ran on human emotions alone, Cloud was exuding enough to get them to and from Kalm without using a single ounce of the truck's mako fuel.

Zack finally broke the silence, reaching over and tugging Cloud's hood down from off his head. "Heh, you forgot to put your hood down."

Cloud slapped his hand away and immediately began barking at Zack with all that force he was holding back. "How dare you! How dare you, Zack, for trying to rob me of my revenge!"

Zack retracted his hand as if it had been burned on a stove. He said nothing.

"How long have you been planning this, huh? A week? A month? Since the moment that son of a bitch stuck his hands down my pants?!" The truck began to increase its speed in time with Cloud's anger.

"… a few weeks," Zack muttered, turning his head to face out the passenger window.

"Oh, a few weeks, okay," Cloud said sarcastically, nodding his head just the same. "And when were you planning on telling me? When you brought his head back to me on a silver platter?"

"Cloud, look, I don't even know for certain if Mejia is still alive. It's just speculation, all right?"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I'm sorry, Cloud," Zack said with earnest. He turned to face Cloud and found he was looking right at him with a vicious glare. Zack swallowed hard. "I wanted to be sure that he was dead. Then we could put him in the past where he belongs."

"What's this 'we' bullshit? You were ready to run off all alone and play the damn hero."

"Cloud, no, that's not it."

"Then why? Why would you steal my revenge like this?!"

Zack swallowed a few more times, slowly, deliberately. He closed his eyes, the words thundering around his brain and funneling to the tip of his tongue like a tornado. "He's SOLDIER, Cloud."

Cloud was now unhinged. "You don't think I'm capable of killing him myself?! You don't think I'm capable at all, do you?!"

Zack was about to speak, but Cloud continued yelling in a frenzy.

"Don't think I didn't hear you and Kunsel! 'He'll be safe with me' you said! Like I'm some fragile kid! You both were talking about me like I wasn't even there!"

"That's not what I meant by that." He glanced at the speedometer and saw Cloud was far exceeding a sensible speed for a dark, dirt road with monsters lurking about.

Cloud slammed his hand down on the steering wheel several times, letting out a violent yell. "Then what the hell did you mean?!"

Zack frowned at him sadly, his eyes going to the over-sized sweatshirt, his loose jeans, his gaunt face, his tired eyes. He could see his bones in that ocean again. "Y-You … you're not well, Cloud."

The truck began veering. The sound of the tires rumbling over uneven dirt resonated in the cab, the rattling of the dashboard and the windows joining in the sudden chorus of discord. Zack glanced around the landscape on all sides, the thought of a monster having latched onto the truck. He whipped back to Cloud to order him to slow down, but Cloud was staring straight ahead in a daze. His hands were loosing their grip on the steering wheel and sliding down. His head began lowering. His eyelids fluttered.

"Cloud!" Zack shouted, his arm thrusting out towards the steering wheel.

Cloud sucked in a breath and lifted his head, alert just in time to slam on the brakes before careening right off the side of the road. The tires locked and gnashed across the rocks and dirt beneath, trying their best to perform their lifesaving job. The truck came to a jolting halt not a foot away from a cluster of boulders.

They sat wide-eyed and gasping for breath as the dust settled around them. Neither moved, neither blinked.

"Y-You okay?" Zack choked out, finally willing himself to look away from the boulders to Cloud.

Cloud was looking down. Zack followed Cloud's gaze to see that his eyes were on Zack's outstretched arm. It was pressed up against Cloud's body, as if to stop him from succumbing to inertia had they crashed.

Their eyes met. Cloud's were filled with angry tears.

"See? You don't think I can protect myself."

Zack took over driving after that. Cloud resigned himself in the passenger's seat, his head pressed up against the window in silence. Once they began nearing Kalm, Zack broke the silence to instruct—no, order—Cloud's full compliance once they entered the city.

"You will do exactly as I say once we're in Kalm. And if that means to stay put in the inn the entire time, you will do it," Zack had said.

Cloud had no response to that, and Zack wasn't sure if it was due to anger, shame, or from his motion sickness having taken over.

"And to answer your earlier question: No, I don't have clearance for any of this. So be prepared to face consequences should we be caught. I'll do my best to get you exonerated, but I make no promise that our asses won't be on a Turk chopping block for this."

Again, there had been no response.

With a near crash, and two stops to allow Cloud to dry heave on the side of the road, they still made it to Kalm in decent time. It was daylight now, and cars were already on the roads inside the city with people emerging on the sidewalks as the strength of the day continued. The city was waking up, and with that, so did commerce. Zack wasn't sure when Mejia's family would open their shops for business, but it had to be soon.

They reached the inn, and Cloud was far less alert and willing to take orders from Zack. But he scooped up their packs with a curt movement and marched into the inn before Zack had finished securing the truck and his sword.

Inside they were greeted with a calming warmth, and immediately Zack could feel the temptation to rest. He could tell Cloud felt it too, as his once sharp shoulders were now slumped with fatigue. Zack checked into their room, having been booked by Kunsel, under Kunsel's name, and they made their way up the wooden stairs and into a room with a single, queen-sized bed.

Normally Zack would find it fortuitous, but under the rather angry circumstances, the thought of having two separate beds did appeal to him, and he wondered why Kunsel didn't book that in the first place. Again, he could tell Cloud thought the same, as he chucked his bag against the wall beneath the window then sat down beside it with a scoff. His arms were folded against his chest, and his head craned as far away from Zack's direction as it could possibly go without snapping his own neck.

As much as Zack would have liked to leave the situation with Cloud and investigate Mejia's whereabouts, he found himself crossing the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed, facing Cloud. "Not gonna talk to me?"

Cloud unfolded his arms and stuffed them into the front pocket of his hooded sweatshirt.

Zack suddenly chuckled, feeling a bit of his own terseness draining away as he remembered something Cloud had said. "So … a bunny hug, huh? Is that what you call 'em?"

A redness swept onto Cloud's face then, and he tried to burrow into his sweatshirt even more. "Sh-Shut up. That's what we call them in Nibelheim."

"It's cute," Zack said honestly.

Cloud continued to blush, his eyebrows knitting on his face, but his overall body language began to soften. "Well, what do you call them where you're from?"

"Just a hoodie. Like how everywhere else calls 'em." He observed Cloud's demeanor, and he felt that he was close to breaking down the wall that was between them. "But if I had to pick a name, I'd call 'em a cloud hug."

"A cloud hug?" Cloud asked with weary skepticism, and their eyes met, but just briefly.

"Well, yeah," Zack said, shifting on the edge of the bed excitedly. "Because they're so soft and comfortable that it always feels like I'm being hugged by a cloud!"

Cloud turned his head back toward Zack. There was no smile on his face, but there was a subtle humor in his eyes over Zack's double entendre.

Zack gave him a humble, foolish smile and held out his arms toward him.

With a sigh, Cloud clambered to his feet and shuffled into Zack's embrace. He went willingly as Zack pulled him down on top of him with a pleased groan, and they fell back and hit the mattress together.

They began to apologize to one another at the same time. But Cloud was silenced quickly by Zack's lips on his own.

"Shh," Zack said, brushing his hand across Cloud's forehead to get some of his hair out of his face. "What have I told you before about apologizing?"

Cloud recoiled his head, but not from Zack's touch. He seemed confused. "I don't remember," he finally said after several moments.

Zack scoffed and then chuckled, shaking his head. "Sure, sure, play coy with me. But you know you're not supposed to apologize to me ever."

There was another long pause, and Cloud's confused expression suddenly relaxed. "Oh, y-yeah. That's right."

"Besides, it's me who should be apologizing. I've been selfish. I was only considering how I felt, and what I wanted to do to that bastard for all the pain he's caused. If anyone deserves to run him through, it's you."

Cloud wilted and said nothing for a very long time. He was still, even as Zack began running his hand along Cloud's body aimlessly. When he finally spoke, his voice wavered. "No, Zack, you're right. I … I don't stand a chance against him. He's SOLDIER, and I'm not. Plain and simple."

"Hey now," Zack said, nuzzling Cloud's nose with his own. "You may not be SOLDIER yet, but you have one at your disposal. We'll take Mejia down together."

There was a faint smile on Cloud's lips, but it faded as they stared into each other's eyes. "You really think so?"

"We'll try our damnedest. But first I need to speak to his family, see if I can get any hint that the guy is really still alive or not." Zack gave Cloud a quick kiss on the lips before he started to sit up, but Cloud stopped him abruptly. He stared down at the boy, who was nibbling his bottom lip and looking to the fibers of the quilt on the bed. "Don't worry, I'll be back."

"Th-That's not it," Cloud said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Then what?"

"You said you're at my disposal … right?"

Zack nodded, not taking his eyes off Cloud. "Yeah, that's what I said." He tilted his head to the side, watching with interest as Cloud began pawing at him, coaxing him back down. "What're you doing?"

There was a tug at the corner of Cloud's mouth then, but it was fought back with a sultry look. "Th-Then I want you at my disposal. Now."

Zack's heart jumped in his chest at the words and at the ardent expression on Cloud's face. "R-Right now? Aren't you tired?"

Cloud placed his hand on Zack's shoulder and pushed him onto his back. He rolled on top of him, straddling his hips with a slight thrust. "Right now."

Zack moaned and gave Cloud's thighs a squeeze. "And here I thought I was the one in command," he murmured before Cloud dipped his head down and began kissing him deeply.

Their tongues met, and moans followed. Hands began sifting across faces, arms, backs, tugging at their hooded sweatshirts with irritation. Cloud's was the first to be tossed off, the sound of static crackling through the fabric as it was lifted over his head. Parts of his hair clung to his face while others seemed to stick up even more than they usually did.

Zack sat up enough for Cloud to yank his up roughly, and Zack laughed a little as it caught on his ear but was forced over without much grace. After Cloud threw it to the floor, Zack took the opportunity to wrap his arms around Cloud's chest and bring his nipple to his mouth. He pressed his lips around it, his tongue swirling over, even long after it hardened and elicited a yearning groan from Cloud. He felt Cloud arch his back, trying to pull himself free to move things along, but Zack held him firm.

When Zack was satisfied, he released Cloud's nipple from his mouth and relaxed back down onto the bed. Cloud pressed his hands against Zack's shoulders again, pinning him, and did the same treatment to his nipples. Zack watched in a haze, unable to focus on Cloud's exact movements as he kissed and licked his way down his body. He felt his pants being unbuttoned with the zipper following, and he pressed his lips together to stop himself from releasing a moan of anticipation.

He felt Cloud slip off the edge of the bed and kneel between his legs. His pants were wiggled from his willing hips and they dropped to his ankles in a heap. He felt the cool air prickle at his skin and body hair like an electric current. With Cloud's hair still full of static, somewhere in the back of Zack's mind he believed it to be the real cause of this feeling. But when Cloud slipped his cock into his mouth, nothing existed in his mind anymore, nothing but lust.

There was an expletive muttered, but Zack wasn't sure if it was from his own lips as he was being worked on, or if Cloud had said it between the bobbing of his head. It was only a few more moments before he heard it again, and he raised his head to see the sight of Cloud completely and entirely reveling in giving Zack a blowjob.

"Fuck," Cloud muttered again, using that brief moment to squeeze Zack's cock and nuzzle his face against it. He looked like he was reaching a fevered state already, and that look alone was almost enough to drive Zack over the edge.

"E-Enjoying yourself?" Zack somehow managed to choke out as Cloud went back to sucking on him with vigor.

Cloud responded with an eager moan, his eyes closing, his breath heating up the thin coating of saliva along Zack's shaft. Zack's stomach clenched as he felt himself sliding further into Cloud's mouth, his tip hitting the back of his throat. Cloud buried his nose into Zack's groin, uttering a sound of pleasure when Zack slipped his hands into his hair and held his head in place.

Zack gasped and groaned with each jerk of Cloud's throat, and he realized that he was now gagging around him. The feeling, the heat, the sounds Cloud made only served to have Zack shove himself into Cloud's throat more, his hands pressing down on Cloud's head with the same force. He heard a different sound from Cloud now, a strained and almost panicked sound, so he released his grip.

Cloud tossed his head up, gasping for air. His eyes were watering, and his chin was glistening with saliva. He wiped at his mouth first, trying to control his ragged breathing as the air returned to his lungs. Then he wiped his eyes.

"Too much?" Zack asked, his earlier lust giving way to momentary concern.

"N-Not enough," Cloud said, his hands going to his own jeans and fumbling with the button. They were shaking, he was shaking. His eyes were fixed on Zack's cock, which now rested against his abdomen in wait.

"Slow down, baby," Zack crooned. "C'mere, lemme help you."

Cloud stopped his attempts at undoing his pants and stood before Zack, who was now sitting up and unbuttoning them with expert ease. They joined Zack's on the floor, but it didn't seem quick enough as Cloud was already crawling on top of Zack, naked and senseless.

"Hey, whoa!" Zack brought up a hand to Cloud's ass, stopping him from trying to lower himself down onto his cock. "We don't have any lube."

Cloud growled and suddenly launched himself off Zack, scrambling to the window where he had thrown his bag. Zack couldn't help but laugh as Cloud rummaged around in it briefly before pulling out their bottle of strawberry-flavored lube.

"You packed it?" Zack wailed, now realizing just why Cloud looked so embarrassed when he emerged from his bedroom after his two minutes were up. "You sneaky monkey!"

For a moment, Cloud looked pleased with himself, but it certainly was not the pleasure he was hoping for right then. He climbed back onto Zack's body, who was now situated onto the bed properly, then shoved the bottle of lube into Zack's hand.

"In due time." Zack took the bottle from Cloud, then coaxed him closer. Cloud looked perplexed at first until Zack grabbed his ass and began pulling him forward. "Get up here."

"Wh-Where?"

"My mouth."

Cloud moaned and complied. He shimmied himself further up Zack's body until he was straddling his chest, his erection touching Zack's lips before they parted. He let out a prolonged whine as he slid himself into Zack's mouth, his head dropping forward almost lifelessly at the sensation. He hardly noticed the sound of the lube being opened. His eyes moved in a daze to watch Zack fumbling with the lube in one hand, trying to squeeze the contents onto his fingers.

Zack made a muffled noise to get Cloud's full attention, and he watched from the corner of his eye as Cloud reached over and helped to coat Zack's fingertips in a clumsy amount of lubrication. He chuckled as Cloud went back to enjoying himself immediately after helping, showing no concern over whether or not he had poured enough, let alone had actually gotten any on Zack's fingers to begin with.

But it was plenty, and not a single drop was wasted. Zack was already running his fingers between Cloud's cheeks, seeking out that source of heat for which his body now craved. He found it and rubbed, earning an impatient growl from Cloud, as though he expected the preparations to already be done with that single touch. The growl was somewhat successful, as Zack pushed in the tip of his middle finger with little hesitation. Cloud grunted in discomfort.

Zack released Cloud's cock from his mouth and looked up at him. "You okay?" There was another grunt, this time in an attempt to hurry things along. "Come even closer, and lean forward."

Cloud obeyed, now on his hands and knees over Zack's face.

"Pillow," Zack muttered as he lifted his head again, taking Cloud back into his mouth. Cloud stuffed a pillow under Zack's head, and rested his own against the headboard in front of him. Zack went back to sucking on him, and his fingers went back to working their way into Cloud's body.

This position was easier on Cloud, but took some skill on Zack's part. But with how Cloud was clearly enjoying himself again, his increasing sounds evidence of this, Zack didn't have the heart to get him into a different position. Still he managed to slip another finger in and work his body properly with only minor cramping in his arm.

"A-Am I ready?" Cloud soon asked, his arms and legs trembling around Zack's head.

Zack released Cloud from his mouth again, but licked up his balls to his shaft before speaking. "You tell me, baby."

The trembling increased and Cloud began to move his way backward until he was hovering right above Zack's cock. "N-Now. Need you now," he whispered.

With a little guiding, a little unwanted patience, and a lot more lube, Cloud worked himself down onto Zack. It was the first time that Cloud had taken control, the first time he was on top. Even though he moved awkwardly as he lowered himself with noises of discomfort and that anxious tremble, Zack couldn't help but think Cloud looked native in this new position. There was something about the way that Cloud was asserting dominance over Zack, how he controlled the speed at which he sank down, that gave Zack a feeling that Cloud wasn't going to give up.

He was going to fight for himself in every way that he could.

With a long moan, Cloud was fully seated against Zack. At once, all the trembling had stopped with the connection of their bodies and their energies. He whimpered, lowering himself onto Zack's chest to bury his face in his neck, overwhelmed by the union.

"There's no rush," Zack assured. "I'm here, and you have me. I'm not going anywhere."

Cloud responded with another whimper, higher in pitch when he began to move his hips. His movements were disjointed as he tried to seek a rhythm that was completely foreign to him. Watching him—feeling him—discovering his own natural tempo for the first time was as beautiful as it was erotic.

"There we go," Zack purred, his voice melting across Cloud's warm body as his tempo was found at last. "There you are, baby." He couldn't help but reach down and cup Cloud's ass in his hands, kneading it, helping the rhythm along.

Cloud lifted his head from Zack's neck. His face held no trace of concentration or insecurity. It was serene, telling the story of how this was becoming as organic to him as the very beat of his heart.

Zack lifted his head, a low moan escaping his lips before he kissed Cloud.

Their kissing matched Cloud's movement until Zack raised his own hips and drove himself deep into his body. Cloud cried out against Zack's mouth, disrupting the dance of their bodies for just a moment before finding his rhythm again. Together they moved, thrusting and arching into each other, positions shifting only enough to allow for more pleasure to be felt between them.

The bed began rocking as their speed increased and deepened. The springs creaked and the quilt became bunched beneath them. Their moaning and the sound of skin slapping together strengthened with the evolution of their surroundings. Cloud was now dominating the pace, uncaring of how hard he slammed himself down onto Zack's cock, or how hard the headboard struck against the wall. Sweat was clinging to every inch of his skin, his muscles quivered and ached, but he continued to drive himself straight through this indulgence.

And Zack didn't want him to stop. The sight of Cloud unhindered and enjoying himself was something he never wanted to lose. As Cloud leaned back, stretching his chest forward and reaching behind to grip Zack's legs as he bounced, Zack grasped Cloud's cock in his hands and stroked him in time. Cloud's eyes closed and his head tilted to the ceiling in pleasure. Indecent sounds began trickling from his lips like rain, starting out in softer patters but soon coming as a downpour when Zack quickened his stroke.

"Gods, Zack!" Cloud shouted, his moans now resembling frantic sobs.

Zack growled in response, his fingers squeezing Cloud's hardening cock as the muscles around his own did the same. His gazed locked onto Cloud, watching as he suddenly tensed but continued to ride Zack through the eruption of his orgasm. His seed splattered onto Zack's stomach with each wave of moans, forming a nexus between carnality and euphoria.

His body convulsed, nearing the end of his revelry. Zack expected him to slow, to catch his breath and return from the bliss, but he remained consumed by lust. His own pleasure wasn't enough. He now was begging Zack for his own release without words, but by thrusting himself down with complete abandon. There was no other explanation for his urgency.

"C-Come for me, Zack," Cloud choked out with what was left of his self-control.

Zack lost his own right then. He reached up and grabbed Cloud, pulling him down against him as he began pounding into him. He was selfish, and he was relentless. He clung onto Cloud's body, holding him in place as he began nearing the edge. Cloud was crying out with his face buried into Zack's neck, and it was loud and lewd enough to draw out Zack's own climax.

He flooded Cloud's body with his seed, every thrust through each spasm pushing it deeper inside him until he had nothing left. Now they lay quivering against each other, breathing matching, and a pulse coursing through each of their nerves. There was no energy left in either of them, yet they still clutched at each other with a strength which reached far beyond physical.

Soon, everything became soft—the air, the bed, their breathing, and their bodies. As they lay together, cuddled in each others arms, Zack felt that the wall which had been built between them was knocked down, at least for the time being.

"Zack…?"

Cloud's voice sounded far away. It was slurred.

"Yes, baby?"

There was no answer for a long time. Zack assumed Cloud had drifted off, so he began to do the same. He was exhausted. But Cloud muttered once more, and when he did, it jerked Zack from the precipice of sleep.

"…Do you believe in monsters?"

His mind raced. It took him everywhere it could to try to find an answer to this startling question. Through the winding path, it ended up at the thought of Angeal. He thought of his friends, Essai and Sebastian.

Zack was going to ask him what he meant exactly, but Cloud was finally asleep.

It was like acid in the blood.

How long had it been?

A single drip, and it spread throughout his body, saturating him with blistering pain.

How many needles had plunged into his veins?

Every day was one more drop, one more closer until no blood would remain.

How many more days until his escape?

There would be only mako.

Only mako, and a broken deal.

Shadows moved back and forth. There was always a current thrumming in his ears. The green liquid which surrounded him was the sand in his hourglass. The days, hours, seconds would die each time it was drained away.

The shadows suddenly stopped before his hourglass.

Three …

The liquid drained.

Two …

The pod opened.

One …

Time had run out.

Zero.

But not for him.

… to be continued in Chapter Sixty: The Monsters Inside Us

Ending Author's Note: Merry Clackmas! A nice long chapter for you all as a Christmas/Holiday present, and one with a sex scene.

If you noticed, I switched describing their junk from vague epithets like "member", to straight-up "cock" and "ass." The reason why I chose to use those words instead of the softer words is because I wanted to convey how their sex is becoming more familiar to each other, and a little more heated. I tried to have a balance between romance and erotica in this scene, so I hope I achieved it without going too raunchy. Because I can do raunchy, trust me. :D

Also a bunny hug...lololol I've only known Canadians from Alberta and Saskatchewan to use that term to describe a hooded sweatshirt. I like to imagine the characters having their own cultures being from different parts of the planet and all. With that would come different terminology, idioms, and colloquialisms (also accents). So Cloud got bunny hug, because c'mon it's cute af.

Anyway, just wanted to thank all of you who reached out to me after I posted the previous chapter. I knew some of you would be excited, but I didn't realize just how many of you there would be! I even got a few private messages on tumblr saying how happy they were that I was writing again. It means so much to me to hear that. So thank you all for the support!

Don't know when the next chapter will be out. It's underway, but it might not be as soon as this one was. But stay tuned!