Chapter Sixty-Two: Deal With the Devil

The whole ordeal lasted but a few minutes and ended with the sound of Cloud's cries for Zack being choked out completely. Whatever chemical restraint that had been used on him took an immediate effect. The orderlies and nurses filed out of the room, some shaking their heads in relief, others chatting with each other as if nothing had happened. The doctor was the last to leave, straightening his white coat and then his tie in the aftermath of battling his patient. He dabbed at his forehead with his sleeve and was about to turn to continue his rounds, but saw Zack standing at the far end of the hall, pacing around.

As he approached, Zack stopped and glared at him. He had half a mind to throttle the man and everyone in the infirmary, but the doctor offered up a sympathetic smile before Zack could get his hands up around the man's neck.

"Don't worry, your friend is all right."

Zack thrust his hand out in the direction of Cloud's room. "You call pinning him down by half the nurses in this damn place and then sedatedall right?!"

The doctor shifted his weight on his legs, clearly trying to keep his composure and his patience. "It was necessary to ensure his safety and the safety of the staff."

"And what about that psychiatrist, huh? Does the D in Ph.D stand for Dickhead or what?"

"Dr. Bleier is the top psychiatrist in Shin-Ra. Your friend is in good hands, trust me."

"What about Dr. Arolin? Cloud was seeing her for months. Why isn't she assigned to him now?"

"I'm not sure why, sir. I can certainly look into getting her assigned to Mr. Strife, but I assure you, Dr. Bleier will be able to help your friend."

"What's he doing in there with him anyway?" Zack asked, peering around the doctor towards the room. The guard was still standing there, and he looked over their way as if sensing Zack's gaze.

"Assessing his condition, testing his memory. He'll be starting cognitive behavioral therapy with him to get to the root of his memory loss, since it doesn't appear to be physiological. Your friend has been through a lot of trauma recently, so it could very well be related to that." The doctor extended his hand out, ushering Zack to a waiting area. "Tell me what happened leading up to his collapse."

They walked to the waiting area which consisted of empty, uncomfortable chairs made of stiff vinyl the color of mako. They took a seat, the doctor across from him with Cloud's chart in one hand, and a pen in the other, ready to jot down any bit of necessary information.

Zack sat just as stiffly as the chair beneath him. He began to tell the doctor what had happened during the drive into Kalm, and in Kalm itself, but leaving out a few personal details such as their argument and their lovemaking. He glossed that over by saying they had merely taken a nap and that Cloud was impossible to wake afterwards. When Zack had nothing to offer between then and the time when Mejia's brother had brought him in unconscious, the doctor began asking about Cloud's physical health and mental health prior.

So he told him. He told the doctor about Mejia's first attempt at raping him, and the physical injuries inflicted on him then. He told him about the death of Elici, and how Cloud reacted to that as one would expect over losing a friend. He told him what he knew about the first incident in Kalm—Mejia's second, successful attempt, and the injuries which resulted. He told him about Cloud's increasing irritability, how he seemed to have forgotten how to use chopsticks properly, how his days were mixed up, how his appetite began a steady decline, how he began to spin lie after lie to cover up the fact that something wasn't quite right with him.

Zack now couldn't stop talking. It was, in a way, cathartic for him to finally be able to share all this with another person, even if that person was only listening to ascertain certain details. As he spoke, the doctor would look down to Cloud's chart, flipping through and nodding every once in a while, giving confirmation that what Zack was saying corresponded with what was detailed in the file. Sometimes he would frown thoughtfully, jotting something down in shorthand before flipping to another page to do the same there.

When Zack came to the details of Ratcliff's suicide, and Cloud's complete breakdown after, he slowed his pace, feeling the heaviness of everything beginning to crash down on him. He knew what Cloud had endured, but to hear everything laid out and summarized in his own words and in his own voice stunned him worse than Reno's EMR had the night before.

He finally finished, now feeling emotionally drained. The doctor sat for a brief moment before leaning back in his seat with an expression on his face as though he were considering Zack. He wiggled the pen between his fingers before speaking carefully.

"We'll be keeping Mr. Strife here for a few more days for observation. Once Dr. Bleier finishes his initial assessment, we'll have a better understanding as to the cause of his memory loss, as well as a treatment plan. In the meantime, I kindly ask that you allow the staff here to do their job without interfering with threats and physical confrontation."

Zack scowled and stood quickly, ready to defy him.

The doctor followed just the same, but held a firm expression on his face. "Please. It's hard enough for everyone having to deal with a combative patient, as you witnessed. It's especially hard on the patient. Dealing with a combative visitor is in no way beneficial for anyone."

"He was restrained and without a blanket, freezing his ass off! How else was I supposed to react?"

"I understand it was hard for you to see your friend like that, but please trust that the restraints were for his safety, and were only temporary."

"They better be temporary," Zack warned.

"If you will not work with us, then I'm afraid we'll have to prohibit you from visiting."

Zack grunted a reluctant agreement.

"Thank you for your understanding. Now, I must get back to my rounds. I'll pass the information you provided along to Dr. Bleier." The doctor walked away at a brisk pace, giving Zack no time to respond or react.

After about an hour of Zack pacing at the end of the hall, Dr. Bleier exited Cloud's room, looking as bland as if he were stepping out of a train. He leaned to the guard next to the door and muttered something to him before turning and disappearing around a corner. Zack began to approach, but the guard noticed him immediately and turned to block him from entering.

He stuttered no longer, and showed no ounce of being intimidated by Zack. "Visitors are prohibited, sir," was all he said.

"I swear if I hear that word one more time, I will rip you and everyone in this place to shreds."

"I'm only doing my job, sir."

Zack backed off for another few hours, circling through the halls like a wolf on the prowl. Each of those hours, the male nurse would enter the room for about ten minutes, then leave without causing any fuss from the occupant within. Toward the mid afternoon, the nurse entered and then left carrying the five restraints in his hands. Zack relaxed, if only a little. Shortly after that, lunch was being delivered to each of the patients. Cloud was brought a tray of food, but an hour later, it was removed looking untouched.

Zack left to find his own lunch. When he came back, the guard was gone and replaced with another one, who looked just as determined to do his job as the previous. Before Zack could get a word in, the guard held up his hand and instructed him that he could not enter.

At least the word prohibit wasn't used.

The male nurse passed by Zack at one point, but refused to talk to him when questioned on Cloud's status. The doctor was no where to be found, and Zack had not seen Dr. Bleier roaming the halls to be able to question him either. Perhaps being hostile hadn't been the best strategy, Zack realized. He decided to be cordial with the new guard then, in the hopes he could sweet talk him into allowing him in, but the guard wasn't falling for this new approach.

"Can't you at least peek in and tell me how he looks?" Zack asked.

The guard sighed audibly, then held out his palm toward Zack before giving a quick turn to glance inside. "He's resting, sir."

"Does he have a blanket?"

The guard looked over his shoulder again. "Yes. Now please, step away and let me get back to my duty, sir."

Zack resigned himself to the waiting area, and wait he did. Dinner was served, and the tray was brought out of Cloud's room in the same fashion as it went in—untouched. A new guard was switched out with the old-new guard by late evening, and Zack could tell the old-new guard was telling the new-new guard to not allow Zack to enter under any circumstance.

The nurses changed over, the on-duty doctor did as well. Zack was certain that everyone on the fresh shift was made aware of the situation from the morning, but there was a relaxed atmosphere throughout the staff since they had not been the ones to experience the commotion. Now it was well past visiting hours, yet Zack tried one last time to be allowed in. He approached a female nurse behind the nurses' station with polite reserve, giving her a friendly, but weary smile. He made sure to speak loud enough for the new-new guard to hear as he asked for just a few minutes to say goodnight to his friend.

But he was, again, denied.

Zack retreated to the waiting area and took a seat. He fidgeted for a while as his brain twisted inside his head, trying to wring out any non-hostile solution. He thought of seeking out Tseng for help, but realized that he might have had something to do with Zack being barred from visiting Cloud in the first place. Cissnei and Reno had no obligation to help him anymore, especially when Cissnei had warned him to keep his nose clean. He thought of asking Kunsel for help, but Zack wasn't sure if he was still electing to stay inside his detention cell or not.

His mind went to Dr. Arolin, and his hand sought out the phone in his pocket. He paused to stare at the time—22:14—and debated calling her at such a late hour; she had a young child, after all. And what would he count on her to do? At most she would be able to give him advice on what to expect once Cloud was released, but she would have no power over granting him visitation. And yet, Zack found himself going through his contacts to find her number, and dialed it.

Maybe he needed someone with whom to talk. Maybe he just needed someone in his corner after a day of defeat.

The phone began ringing. Quickly he tried to gather all his thoughts and questions for when she would answer. He prepared himself to apologize for calling so late, and to promise to only take up so much of her time, but it was her voicemail which finally answered his call. He thumbed his phone, about to hang up, but decided to leave her a message after all. It was a brief message, perhaps worded awkwardly, but at least he remembered to state his name and to mention that it was in regard to Cloud. He closed his phone and let out a long sigh. He gave it a tight squeeze in his hand, willing it to ring back soon.

But it never did. Zack was certain it didn't, for he stayed up through the rest of the night, sitting by himself in the waiting room, staring down at his silent phone.

Morning came at a grueling pace. The guard and the staff was switched out yet again, and Zack saw some familiar faces filtering in for the day. He was dismayed to see the male nurse from yesterday, and even more so seeing Dr. Bleier striding into Cloud's room at exactly 8 AM. At exactly 9 AM, those long, arachnid legs carried him away from whatever web he had been weaving around Cloud for the past hour. Zack watched him slip through a door behind the nurses' station, much like a spider scuttling to hide within a crack in the wall. As much as Zack wanted to squash him, he merely observed for the time being.

The male nurse was finishing up typing something into the computer on his workstation cart outside a patient's room. He then pushed the cart inside and began talking to the patient in what Zack perceived to be a rather condescending tone. The guard outside Cloud's room was standing at attention, fresh on his shift and prepared to do his assigned job well. Zack was certain the guard hadn't seen him yet, so he slipped out of the waiting area and walked past the nurses' station and took an immediate left. He realized that the nurses' station, and whichever room Dr. Bleier went into, was central to all of the patient rooms inside this ward. He followed along the U-shaped hall silently, ending up at the room Dr. Bleier had entered. The guard was still staring straight ahead and made no indication that he knew Zack was there.

He peeked through the window in the door and saw that the room was a small breakroom of sorts with a refrigerator, microwave, an ice machine, and a table with two chairs. Dr. Bleier was standing at a counter, pouring himself coffee from a carafe. Zack opened the door and slipped inside.

Dr. Bleier turned to see who was entering, then went back to filling the paper cup. "Good Morning, Mr. …"

"Fair," Zack said, closing the door behind him, but not taking another step in. "Zack."

"Mr. Fair," Dr. Bleier finished. He motioned to the stack of paper cups and the carafe. "Please, help yourself to some coffee. There are boxes of juice in the refrigerator as well."

Zack glanced to the refrigerator, seeing a notice taped to it which read: "Do Not Store Samples. This fridge is for patient and visitor use."

The door opened behind, and he felt someone trying to squeeze past him. He stepped to the side, and the male nurse brushed past to fill up a pitcher of ice for a patient. He made no comment or motion to kick Zack out as he passed by him again to leave.

Zack immediately felt like an idiot for thinking he needed to sneak into a room he was actually allowed in. He also kicked himself for living off vending machine snacks from the main wing, and questionable water from the drinking fountain by the restrooms for the past twenty-four hours.

"Why am I not allowed to see Cloud?" Zack asked, once he realized Dr. Bleier had stopped fixing his coffee and was staring at him expectantly.

"We felt it necessary to keep him isolated until he wasn't at risk of hurting himself or others."

"Then why not just tell me that? Why all the fuss with the guard waving his rifle in my face?"

"You have a penchant for ignoring social cues, Mr. Fair," Dr. Bleier said, his voice too loud for the small room they were in. He went back to fixing his coffee with cream and sugar. "To most people, a closed door is a clear sign to keep out. To others, visible signage such as 'Do Not Disturb' is needed to add further clarity." He stopped swirling a stir stick throughout his beverage and turned to point it at him. "You, Mr. Fair, need something a bit more tangible to get the point across."

Zack's mouth dropped open. He felt anger beginning to prickle at his nerves, but he instead replayed Cissnei's warning in his head to stop himself from lunging at this man.

Gotta keep my nose clean.

He forced himself to rub the back of his neck in a show of humility. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that … about barging into your meeting yesterday morning. My beef was with Tseng, not with you, Doc."

"Thank you for your apology," Dr. Bleier said with mild sincerity, then took a quick sip of his coffee and decided it was how he liked it. He turned back to Zack, who was still blocking the door, and waited for him to either move, or say something.

Zack's hand slipped from the back of his neck and fell to his side. "How … how is he doing today?"

"He's in a much calmer state. He's lucid. His memory loss doesn't extend beyond the happenstance in Kalm. It's an isolated occurrence, most likely triggered by his PTSD."

"But … how?"

"When the mind is under great duress, sometimes the brain can become so overloaded that it completely dumps information. The report of the conversation you had with the physician stated that Mr. Strife thought he saw his attacker. In the very storage room he had been assaulted, correct?"

"Yeah, it was a sibling, though. They look similar, but aren't identical."

"But he looked similar just enough to someone who suffers from PTSD. Anything can be a trigger—sights, sounds, especially smells. Simply exposing him to that town could have triggered him. It was a foolish thing to do."

Zack looked away, the feigned humility now becoming real. He swallowed a few times while composing himself. As much as he wanted to deny this, he knew it was the truth; it was a foolish thing to do.

"Do you have any other questions before I return to my rounds?"

He pulled himself out of his musing and shifted the gears in his head as fast as he could. "Will he be released soon?"

Dr. Bleier decided to take a long sip of his coffee then, his eyes fixed on Zack's. He pulled the cup away and smacked his wide, thin lips once. "I will need you to do something for me," he finally said, setting the cup on the counter beside him before straightening his posture.

Zack's eyes narrowed in scrutiny.

"I will need you to send me reports on Mr. Strife's physical and mental health. I want them weekly. On Mondays in my office by 9 AM. No later."

"Are you bargaining Cloud's release with me?" Zack asked, his head recoiling in shock.

"Mr. Fair, I assure you I most certainly am not," Dr. Bleier said, his face remaining neutral despite Zack's accusation. "He will be released regardless of your compliance. However, I am proposing an exchange of sorts."

"An exchange," Zack said flatly. He crossed his arms over his chest and lost any of that humility he was hanging onto.

"The meeting which you had interrupted between Mr. Tseng and myself was about what to do with you, Mr. Fair. I'm afraid your actions in Kalm were the straw which broke the chocobo's back for Mr. Tseng. He was considering complete prohibition between you and Mr. Strife."

Zack clenched his teeth, recalling Tseng beginning to say something about prohibiting during their dispute. He began tapping his foot unconsciously. "What's the exchange?"

"You give me thorough and punctual reports on Mr. Strife's well-being, as per my conditions, and I see that Mr. Tseng allows Mr. Strife to be released directly into your care."

"I'm already giving reports to your colleague, Dr. Arolin," Zack said.

"She is no longer Mr. Strife's treating therapist."

"Why not?"

"Mr. Strife's condition now requires my expertise in medication therapy in conjunction with psychotherapy. I'm afraid my colleague cannot offer the former, and is now rendered inadequate for Mr. Strife's specific needs."

"Shouldn't it be Cloud's decision who his therapist is?"

"Perhaps in the civilian world, Mr. Fair," Dr. Bleier said with a hint of mocking tone. "But this is Shin-Ra. Once Mr. Strife signed his contract, he became Shin-Ra property. The fact is that we are all Shin-Ra property. Even someone as high up as Mr. Tseng cannot escape that reality."

"But if Cloud is now your patient, why don't you just get all the crap you need on him when he comes to his appointments?"

That thin, stretched smile was on Dr. Bleier's face. It was unnatural, as though someone had their fingers hooked inside his mouth and were tugging his lips into a forced smile. It did nothing to reassure Zack. "Rest assured, I will be. But seeing as my colleague, Dr. Arolin, issued a suicide observation on Mr. Strife, it's in his best interest that he is monitored closely, wouldn't you agree?"

"But he's not suicidal."

"Better to play it safe than sorry, Mr. Fair."

Zack scoffed, but stood there for a few moments before he gave a reluctant nod in agreement. "Fine. But I don't see how Tseng will allow any of this. He doesn't trust me."

Somehow Dr. Bleier's lips hooked even more, so much that it looked painful. "I'll tell Mr. Tseng that it's in the best interest of Mr. Strife that he is released into the care of someone he trusts and in whom he can confide should he have the need."

"Yeah, sure," Zack said sarcastically. "It'll take a miracle to have Tseng fall for that."

"You leave that to me, Mr. Fair. But if you'll excuse me, I must continue my rounds." Dr. Bleier picked up his coffee, touching the rim to his bottom lip, but not drinking. "Feel free to visit Mr. Strife, now."

Zack eyed Dr. Bleier, then turned to open the door with hesitation. "Yeah, so long as the guard doesn't put a bullet between my eyes."

"Remember, Mr. Fair," Dr. Bleier said, his strong voice following him out into the hallway as Zack exited. "Mondays. 9 AM sharp."

Dr. Bleier had informed the guard that Zack was permitted to see the patient, but only for a short amount of time, and that should any issue arise, to enforce Zack's removal without hesitation. He made sure to say it in that booming voice of his, as if Zack couldn't hear him standing two feet away.

Zack waited until Dr. Bleier walked off before he told the guard he would be back in a few minutes, who only nodded with little interest. He ducked back into the waiting room and found Dr. Arolin's number in his phone once more, and dialed. It rang out again, so he searched for the number to her office and dialed that. The receptionist answered, but she informed Zack that the psychologist was not in, but offered to take down a message. Zack simply said to have Dr. Arolin call him back, and that was it.

He gave a wary nod to the guard when he returned to Cloud's room, and almost expected to have the rifle pointed in his face again, but Zack found himself standing in the room without resistance. He closed the door behind him, uncaring if doing so was against some sort of protocol; he wanted his time with Cloud to be as private as possible.

Cloud was on his back with his eyes closed, but Zack was relieved to see he was without restraints, and had several blankets draped over him. This time there was no teeth chattering or struggling against binds. He was looking relaxed, despite being pale and hooked up to an IV. There was a tray of breakfast sitting for him on his overbed table, but it was untouched again.

Zack saw the chair he had planted next to the bed the day before had been dragged back to the wall, so he decided to sit on the bed next to Cloud's hip. He reached down to Cloud's hand and grasped it gently, then sighed out days of stress once their skin touched. Cloud's fingers twitched against Zack's hand, and he breathed in deep as his eyes opened.

"You look tired," Cloud murmured. His voice was weighed down with grogginess.

"Well, that's a nice way of putting it," Zack said, bringing Cloud's hand up to his mouth to kiss it. "I would've said that I look like shit, but that's 'cuz I'm less of a class act than you." He kissed his hand once more. "How're you feeling?"

"Like shit," Cloud responded with a slight tug at the corner of his mouth.

Zack chuckled, then reached to Cloud's face to brush his hair from his eyes. "Well you look like shit, too."

Cloud let out a single sound which resembled a chuckle of his own. "Feel like shit."

"I know, you said that already," Zack said lightly.

Cloud looked as though he barely had the strength to frown, but he managed for a brief moment. "Did I?"

"Uh-huh, you did. They've got you sedated still, don't they?"" Zack turned to look at the IV bags, but there was only one for saline. He wondered if the sedative had been a bolus in the IV catheter.

"Probably," Cloud said with a slur.

Zack chewed on the inside of his cheek, finding it difficult to ask the next set of questions at the forefront of his mind. He watched Cloud in the meantime, noticing how his eyes would roll around in a struggle to focus, and with each moment that passed, his eyelids became heavier. "Cloud," he finally said, and Cloud's eyes opened wide as if he had been startled. Zack gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Do you really not remember what happened in Kalm?"

A look of worry crossed Cloud's face. He didn't respond at first, but Zack could tell the truth by his expression.

"So you can't recall anything? Why we went, what happened on the drive there? What we did together … in the inn?"

"B-Bits and pieces," Cloud finally said. His breathing began to quicken in panic, but relaxed when Zack gave him a smile, albeit a pained one.

"It's okay, don't strain yourself. You'll remember it soon, don't worry."

Cloud let out a short sigh and his head slumped away to face his untouched breakfast. "What happened?"

Zack stood and grabbed the overbed table, wheeling it to sit across Cloud's body. He was relieved to see the remote control for the bed was within Cloud's reach, so he raised Cloud up without asking for his permission. "You eat as much breakfast as you can, and I'll tell you."

There was no resistance from Cloud. He began to take small bites from his pancakes, the eggs, the fruit, and sipped at the little carton of milk with an increasing look of appreciation for food. Zack began to tell Cloud of their mission to sneak out of headquarters, their drive into Kalm—including their fight and the near crash—and then about their time in the inn together. He began regaling him about that in only minor details, but it seemed to fluster Cloud enough that he started interrupting Zack's risqué recount by feeding him bites of his meal. Any time Zack described Cloud's dominance over him, a wedge of pancake was brought right to his lips to distract him.

He paused for a while, making certain that Cloud finished off the last bite of his meal before continuing. All that was left on his plate was the extra syrup that didn't get soaked up by the pancakes. There was a cup of black coffee which Cloud didn't seem interested in, so Zack took that without hesitation once Cloud offered it to him.

Once the tray was pushed aside, and nothing else left to distract one another, Zack moved into describing his side of the incident. He told Cloud of Mu-Pa and the shop filled with blades and materia, but left out the detail that some of the weapons had been designed by Mejia himself. He spoke cautiously when he got to Damien bursting in carrying Cloud, but despite the care taken, Cloud was quick to become visibly upset hearing this.

"Hey, hey," Zack said, grabbing Cloud's hands and holding them firmly. "It's okay, I don't have to describe anything more, all right?"

Cloud was breathing heavily, and his eyes were unfocused and darting everywhere. He began rocking, and shaking his head. His lips parted and mouthed something without a sound. Zack reached up to touch his face, and Cloud's shoulders pitched a few times before Zack realized he was gagging.

"Cloud, hey, c'mon, it's okay," Zack cooed, all the while ignoring the panic beginning to rise inside him. He glanced to the door and realized it was still shut; it was unlikely a nurse would hear and react fast enough. He reached for the nurse call button on the remote for the bed, but Cloud shoved his hand away with a fearful cry and began kicking his legs, trying to retreat. "Okay, look, I'm backing up!" Zack said, launching to his feet with his hands up in surrender. He stepped backwards to the door, watching as Cloud sat with his chest heaving and eyes wild like a scared animal trapped in a corner. "You're safe. It's just me. Just Zack."

Cloud uttered something unintelligible, and began blinking in confusion. His panting subsided within moments and was replaced with something which sounded like tittering, only disjointed and borderline delirious.

Zack took his chances and stepped back to the bed. He watched Cloud intently as he approached, and when there seemed to be no reaction, he sat himself back down next to him, allowing himself to come into light contact with Cloud's thigh. "You okay …?" Zack asked, reaching out toward him, but refraining from touching his face.

The shaking of Cloud's head turned to nodding, almost frantic. "F-Fine. M'fine," he said, still blinking rapidly and looking around in a daze.

"Do you know where you are?" Zack laid his hand down on Cloud's forearm which was clutched against his chest.

"Infirmary," Cloud said, although it sounded more like a question than an answer.

"Right, at HQ."

Cloud sank back against the bed, then kicked his legs again, but only to remove the blankets off himself. Zack helped him out, then poured him water from the pitcher on his overbed table. He took it with shaking hands when Zack held it out for him, but did not drink.

"Do you remember what we were talking about?" Zack reached up and tilted the water toward Cloud's lips.

Cloud finally sipped, as if he had forgotten it was there hovering at chin level. "N-No," he said, then sputtered a little on another sip.

Zack took the water from him and set it aside with a deep frown. "We were talking about what happened in Kalm."

Cloud's gaze shot toward him, and what little color he had to his skin was completely gone. "Kalm?! N-Nothing ha-happened in Kalm!"

The door opened and a nurse walked in, pulling the computer cart in after herself. She greeted Cloud without looking up at him at first, which was enough time for the two of them to each find some semblance of composure. She scanned a barcode on Cloud's wristband, took his blood pressure and temperature, typed some things into the computer while making small talk with the both of them, frowned at the blood pressure reading when it came up high, took his blood pressure again, then frowned still when the number remained relatively the same.

She finally looked at Cloud and saw that he was perspiring and pale, with composure that was crumbling fast.

She gave Zack a look of suspicion, but simply asked if Cloud wanted something to relax. When Cloud gave a single shake of his head, she scrutinized him before announcing that she would contact Dr. Bleier and see what he suggested. Then she went about the rest of her duty, taking blood samples from the IV catheter, asking Cloud how he felt, commenting on him finally having eaten, then handed him a plastic cup containing several pills.

When Cloud took the cup from her with a hand that was rattling around, she did not hesitate to ask Cloud if he was being bothered by Zack's presence, nor did she look intimidated when Zack glared at her. But Cloud simply shook his head, then tossed in all the pills at once, ignoring the nurse when she instructed he take them one at a time. She left after draping the blankets back over Cloud's body, to which Cloud kicked them off again once she disappeared with the cart.

Zack waited for a bit before placing his hand onto Cloud's leg, watching him for signs of discomfort. "Can I ask you something?"

Cloud looked up from staring down at his lap in silence. He looked frightened for a moment before nodding.

"Why do you seem so afraid of Dr. Bleier?"

The frightened look Cloud wore turned into one of deep searching. He went back to staring down at his lap, but not from shame or fear, but out of honest confusion. After a lengthy pause, he looked back up to Zack and said, "But … I'm not really."

"You don't remember what happened yesterday morning?" Zack asked, trying to keep his voice level and calm, despite his mind reeling. "He walked in and you just … you begged me not to leave you alone with him."

"I did?"

"Yes. That's why you were sedated … why I was dragged out of here by force and denied seeing you all of yesterday. You seemed scared of him before yesterday, too. When we were at Dr. Arolin's office after … after Ratcliff died."

Cloud twisted toward him. "Ratcliff is … d-dead?"

They stared at each other, one with an expression of shock, the other of absolute horror.

"Yes, Cloud," Zack said with wary concern, but with his voice cracking with every word. "He's been dead for nearly two months."

Cloud's eyes glossed over, and he swallowed several times with a thickness that could only mean a fight against crying. "B-But … I just saw him."

"Where?"

"In … in … Kalm." His head dipped down, and he lost the fight to a string of stifled sobs. "H-He was there … i-in the inn."

Zack wiggled himself in close and wrapped his arms around Cloud, who buried his face into Zack's neck. Cloud was being forced to relive the heartbreak of losing a friend again. "What you saw wasn't … it wasn't really him, Cloud," Zack murmured, beginning to rock Cloud against him. "You know that, don't you?"

Cloud nodded his head with reluctance, and with sounds of his crying.

"And you know that wasn't Mejia down in the storage room, don't you? It was his brother. What you thought you saw was probably …" Zack trailed off, unable to bring up the truth of what Cloud had most likely experienced down in that storage room. Of all the things for Cloud to recall, it was that which were the bits and pieces.

After some time of Zack holding and rocking him, Cloud's crying subsided into sniffles and a constant tremor throughout his body. Zack tried to urge him back down onto the bed, but Cloud only increased his grip around Zack, and buried his face deeper into his neck.

"You should lie back down," Zack whispered into Cloud's hair, then followed with a kiss to his head. "C'mon."

Cloud allowed Zack to lower him down, but still clung to him as his back hit the mattress. When Zack tried to pry himself away, he grunted a small plea.

"I can't lie down with you, baby. I'm already on the shit list of the staff here," Zack said, forcing a small chuckle. He tried to tug away again, but Cloud was surprisingly willful despite being weak. "All right, but just for a little while. Otherwise I'll be kicked out and denied from seeing you again."

Cloud scooted to the side to allow Zack to squish into the bed next to him. It was awkward, as one of his legs hung off the side, and his shoulder was crushed up against the bed rail, but at least Cloud had released him and settled himself in to rest. After a deep, shuddering sigh, it wasn't long that Cloud was asleep.

And it wasn't long after that the nurse came back in and told Zack that his time was up, and that he had to leave.

… to be continued in Chapter Sixty-Three: No Bridge Left to Burn

Author's Note: So one time I was visiting my dad in the hospital, and he really wanted ice but the nurse wasn't responding fast enough for him. So me, being a good daughter, was like "Yo I'll get your ice." And I left on a top secret mission to find the ice machine. I started sneaking around the ward, and when I mean sneaking around, I legit mean I was trying to be stealthy and silent. I was harnessing my inner Kunsel, thinking of how proud he would be if a) he saw how awesome I was at being sneaky; and b) he were real. I pressed myself up against the wall next to a door and peeked in, seeing it was a breakroom. I entered as quietly as I could, and started filling the water pitcher up with ice, thinking "aww yiiiss I'll slip in and out and no one will be the wiser" when suddenly a nurse came in and I froze thinking "AWW SHIIIT I'M CAUGHT" but all she did was grab something from the fridge, then said to me, "Feel free to grab yourself some coffee, or some juice boxes from the fridge" and she walked out.

I stood there like a dumbass thinking I somehow avoided being chastised for being somewhere I wasn't allowed. Then I turned to see a notice on the fridge saying it was not for storing samples, but for patients and visitors use only. I was actually allowed to be in there. I had never felt more stupid. I wish I were exaggerating this story, but I'm not.

Needless to say I made wildly liberal use out of the touch screen coffee dispenser after that.

Anyway, the other day, August 20th, was the TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY of when I published the very first chapter of this story. You'd think that'd be something to celebrate, right? Yeah no, not after many years of several hiatuses, and the fact that the story isn't finished after a freaking decade. Regardless, I wanted to post this chapter that I've been hanging onto for over a year now.

I dunno when the next chapter will be out. Maybe on the 20th anniversary of this fic. lmao