Author's Note: For this chapter, It would help if you knew the melody to Heart and Soul

In the Darkness

A Mai Otome ShizNat Story

Chapter 4

Approximately Two Weeks Later

It was early afternoon, and Shizuru lay on Natsuki's grey couch in fetal position, deep asleep.

Her head was resting on her left arm, using it as a pillow. Her right hand was resting on her opened diary, her fingers loosely holding onto a yellow sharpie.

She had been reading it, and at some point, had fallen asleep. She was using the sharpie to highlight words or things she wanted to know more about, things she would ask Natsuki about when they spent some alone time together.

Natsuki had been very busy the past couple of days, so they mostly saw one another during lunchtime and at night, right around bedtime. Natsuki would always stop by her room to bid her goodnight and they would chat for a very long while.

It had been a little over two weeks since she had returned to Garderobe, and unfortunately, hadn't had much progress on the memory front. Things did come to her randomly here and there, spontaneously. Take yesterday as an example, Arika had given her a long, tight hug, and that seemed to have triggered something within her. She remembered a time when she had hugged the teen, had whispered the word "Materialize", and the girl had transformed into a Coral Robe.

When she had asked Arika about it, about that memory, about that vision that had suddenly come to her, Arika explained that that was the day she had a Dance or a Duel with Nina, the Dance that would decide her enrollment in Garderobe. She explained to her that she had used her Gem to power up her Coral Robe.

Little by little things did come to her, just not as fast as Shizuru would've hoped. It was aggravating. She felt so useless. She had nothing to do. All she did was just walk around Garderobe, sleep, eat, read, rest. She did a lot of the last one as of late, a lot of resting, yet she felt extremely tired recently and didn't know why. She always ended up having to take a nap after lunch since her body seemed to want it, to need it. She always dozed off while reading without realizing.

She was also a little confused about some of her recent memories and wasn't sure how she felt about them. She wasn't sure if they were actual memories or if she was just daydreaming, fantasizing.

These memories, these dreams, were too embarrassing to ask Natuki about. A little inappropriate, actually. Lately, she had been dreaming about them kissing, whispering things in each other's ears. She had been dreaming about long, passionate nights with her hands entangled in Natsuki's hair, whispering to her that she loves her. Dreaming about Natsuki's hands touching her naked body, about Natsuki making love to her.

She thought that perhaps, this was just a product of them spending a lot of time together. Ever since she awoke that morning, since she had come back, they had been nearly inseparable. She was sure that if they had shared an intimate past, if they had been in a relationship, that Natsuki would've said so by now, would've told her by now.

When she had discretely asked Youko about it the other day, when she had brought it up, the woman had given her a very vague answer, and told her to talk to Natsuki. So, she didn't know what to think. And she didn't feel comfortable enough asking anyone else about this, she only felt comfortable enough discussing it with Youko. She didn't want to ask Natsuki and make things awkward with her. The topic was a little delicate.

"I had a feeling I'd find you here" Natsuki thought aloud once she had stepped into her study, gently closing the door behind her.

Earlier, while they were having lunch together, Shizuru had mentioned to her that she felt a little tired and would take a nap after lunch.

Natsuki had taken a break from her duties and had stopped by the brunette's bedroom to see if she was feeling okay. She had knocked on her door a few times, and when she didn't hear a response she went right in, but the brunette wasn't there.

In the past, before Shizuru had gone missing, the brunette would either nap in her bedroom, or in Natsuki's study. So, when the blunette didn't find her there she thought she'd try the study, having a feeling that's where she would be.

And her feeling was right. There, in her study, Shizuru was. Old habits never died, amnesia or not.

Natsuki walked over to the sleeping brunette and knelt in front of her. Her Emerald eyes glanced at the journal and noticed the date. It seemed like Shizuru was already reading about her Pearl days, at around the time after they had first met.

Natsuki then went ahead and softly caressed her cheek with her fingertips. And soon after, she leaned closer and placed a soft kiss there, a ghost of a kiss. She lingered there for a little while, her nose lightly touching the brunette's pointy nose, wishing she could kiss her lips, wishing she could lean in that very short distance and feel them again. Missing them. But after gathering much willpower she decided against it and placed some distance between them.

She let out a deep breath and headed for her bookshelf. Then, grabbed the book she had recently started reading and headed back to the couch. Once there, she removed her jacket and neatly placed it on the arm rest, then, gently sat next to the sleeping woman.

She didn't have the heart to wake her, it seemed like she really needed the rest. So, she just waited for her to wake up on her own.

"Nn..."

About twenty minutes later, Natsuki heard the brunette softly groan. She left her eyes off the book and stared as she stretched, it seemed like she was now awake. And due to their closeness, Shizuru's feet lightly bumped, lightly hit her thigh.

"Ara?" Shizuru let out in surprise once she saw the blunette on the opposite end of the couch. She thought she was the only one in the room.

"Kannin na" Then apologized to her as she rose to a sitting position and continued with her much needed stretch.

"I see you have found my study" Natsuki softly smiled at her, closing her book. She leaned forward and placed it on the coffee table, then crossed one leg over the other once her back was once again resting against the couch.

"This is Natsuki's study?"

"Hai" And before she could add more to that response, the brunette once again apologized.

"Kannin na, I didn't mean to intrude-"

"Ie, don't worry about it, you're not intruding" Natsuki quickly replied to her, "You used to spend a lot of time here as well, especially on that thing over there" She motioned to the piano.

"I see…" Shizuru tried to remember how she even got there in the first place but couldn't find an explanation. Now that she thought about it, this was her very first time in this room. Natsuki hadn't shown her this room before.

"I think my feet just brought me here" She softly said after much thought.

Natsuki smiled even wider when hearing this. They were baby steps, but she was getting there. Slowly but surely. "That's a good sign, don't you think?"

And Shizuru smiled widely as well, Natsuki's smile was purely contagious. "Hai, I suppose it is"

They stared at one another in silence for a long while. And for a moment, it felt like they were trying to figure out what the other was thinking. Smiles slowly disappearing as the clock kept ticking.

"A-Ahem" Natsuki nervously cleared her throat and looked away, ending their staring contest. That look that Shizuru was giving her, it was a little intense. Too intense. "Would you like to give it a try?" She then asked, motioning for the piano again. "Maybe it'll come naturally, you were pretty good"

"Fufu, I don't think so" Shizuru giggled her reply, a hand covering her lips. There was no way she was going to make a fool of herself. "Does Natsuki play the piano?"

"Well…" Natsuki scratched the back of her neck, "not quite. You did teach me how to play one song though, but it's been a while since I've played it"

"Hontoni? I taught Natsuki how to play a song?" Shizuru crawled closer to the blunette, eyebrows arching in interest.

"Um... Hai?" Natsuki distractedly said as her eyebrows arched upwards and looked down at her hands. Shizuru was now holding them, intertwining their fingers together. And now, she was standing, dragging her towards the white piano with a huge, playful smile on her face.

"Wait, you want me to play the song? Right now? I just told you I haven't played in a while"

"Ara~ But Natsuki can play~" Kyoto-ben said in a sing-song way as she guided Natsuki to the long, white, piano bench.

Her hands rested on Natsuki's shoulders once they had arrived there and willed her to sit. "Play it for me, please?" She said as she bent and wrapped her arms around Natsuki's neck from behind, cheek touching warm cheek. "Please, Natsuki?"

And Natsuki?

"A-Ah…" She couldn't help and swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. Not because of the song that she had to play, but because of Shizuru's closeness, because of how she was hugging her. It was like old times again.

"Okay" She finally said, and when the brunette was about to walk away, she quickly grabbed her hand, adding, "But you have to help me"

When the brunette gave her a quizzical stare. One that said, 'In what way? I can't remember a thing, or did Natsuki forget?' the blunette added, "It's not difficult, you'll see"

"Nn, alright" Shizuru reluctantly gave in.

"Great" Natsuki slid over to the right, motioning Shizuru to sit on her left side. "Okay..." Natsuki then started to explain once the brunette was sitting next to her, "You'll be my left hand, so keep the right hand on your lap, okay?"

"Hai"

"Shizuru, that's my lap"

"Fufu, oops. It is, isn't it?" She gave it a tight squeeze.

"S-Shizuru!"

"Hai, hai, kannin na, no more games" Her hands went up in the air, a sign of surrender, "I promise" and then added, "Please continue"

Natsuki sighed, then went ahead and grabbed the brunette's left hand. She wrapped her hand around it until it was loosely fisted, then positioned her index finger. "This is the only finger you'll need" She whispered as she guided her hand towards the keys.

All the while, Shizuru tried to focus on her breathing. Her heart had started thumping furiously against her chest the moment Natsuki had leaned over and grabbed her hand. Their faces were so close. Her lips were so close. It was like if she was in one of her fantasies again. She couldn't help it, the fast beat of her heart. She couldn't help it, it was something she couldn't control.

Could she will her heart to stop?

"This song is called Heart and Soul. We're just going to play the simple version of it since you don't remember it" Natsuki said to her as she glanced her way. That's when she noticed the faint blush on the woman's cheeks, the way she was biting her lower lip.

Natsuki swallowed yet again and tried to distract her mind, to not read into things. "U-Um... So, your part is very easy. All you have to do is hit four keys repeatedly" She continued, Emerald eyes now on the keys. She guided the brunette's finger to the four keys, stroking them as she went, producing a low sound. "See? Just like that" She did it again but at her desired pace, just a little faster. "Try to keep it at that pace, okay?"

"H-Hai" Shizuru said, letting out a trembling breath once Natsuki's hand was no longer covering hers.

"Okay. So, you will start, and then I'll join you" The blunette instructed, "And don't stop until I tell you" then softly added.

"Hai"

"You can start whenever you're ready"

And Shizuru did. She took a couple of deep breaths and then, she did.

Her fingers gently stroked the keys. She played the four keys repeatedly about two times, that's when she saw Natsuki's hand joining hers in playing, when she heard the sweet melody.

And suddenly, mid-song, Shizuru let out a small gasp, her hand temporarily halting. Something had suddenly come to her, it was a memory.

"What's wrong? Did you get lost?" Natsuki stopped her movements as well. "It can be a little confusing repeating the keys over and over. I used to get confused all the time"

Shizuru glanced over at Natsuki. "When did I teach Natsuki how to play this song?"

And Natsuki didn't have to think about it, not for a second. "After you had become a Column" She said, "It was right before-"

"I went away on my first mission?" Shizuru finished the sentence for her.

"You remember" Natsuki widely smiled, showing perfect, white teeth.

"Can we start again? I think I can remember the lyrics to this song" Kyoto-ben excitedly let out.

"There's actual lyrics?" Natsuki couldn't help and ask, surprised. "Like, actual lyrics? Actual words?" She really didn't know, Shizuru never mentioned it before. Never said a word about it. She had heard her humming something before, but never said the actual words.

"Hai" And then, Shizuru started playing again, and when Natsuki joined her, she voiced the words along with Natsuki's every stroke of the key. She wasn't singing, just softly saying the words.

"Heart and soul, I fell in love with you"

"Heart and soul, the way a fool would do, madly"

"Because you held me tight"

"And stole a kiss in the night"

"Heart and soul, I begged to be adored"

"Lost control, and tumbled overboard, gladly"

"That magic night we kissed"

"There in the moon mist"

"But your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling"

"Never before were mine so strangely willing"

"But now I see, what one embrace can do"

"Look at me, it's got me loving you, madly"

"That little kiss you stole"

"Held all my heart and soul"

Natsuki watched as Shizuru voiced the words the whole time, not needing to face the piano to play the song. It was forever memorized in her mind, in her hands. She could play it with her eyes closed.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Shizuru faced the quiet, staring blunette once they had finished playing the song, both of her hands now resting on her lap.

And Natsuki could only slowly nod in response. And wondered why Shizuru had specifically taught her that song. Wondered when exactly had Shizuru fallen in love with her, and if Shizuru knew that she held feelings for her before she, herself, had realized it.

She didn't realize she held feelings for the brunette until way later, until she was gone. Shizuru's first mission as a Column had taken so long. She had been away for almost four months! And they didn't act upon their feelings until years later. They became a couple about five years after Natsuki had become a Column.

Shizuru stared at the quiet blunette in the eyes for a long moment. It's like the woman wanted to say something, to ask something, but was debating.

She then noticed the tear that had started to make a trail down her left cheek, and she instantly reached for it, gently wiping it away.

And what she did after that was somewhat automatic, it was pure instinct. She went ahead and leaned forward, she closed her Ruby eyes, and brushed her lips so tenderly against the blunette's trembling ones. She felt as the blunette reciprocated to the kiss in an instant, touching her cheek as well.

Shizuru did exactly as in her dreams. She caressed her cheeks as she slowly kissed her, then tangled those long fingers of hers in her soft, cobalt mane, resting her hand between her ear and neck before parting their lips.

She lingered there for a few seconds, her eyes closed, noses touching, breathing, breathing, breathing... and went in for a second brush of lips. And then, she whispered "I love you, Natsuki" to her once their lips had parted that second time. Just as she did in every single one of her dreams. Just as she did in her fantasies.

But when she opened her eyes again and realized what she had done, she had to blink a few times, "A-Ara!" She abruptly stood and placed some distance between them, somewhat in shock.

"Kannin na, Natsuki, I-I don't know why I did that" Her face was red, extremely red, totally embarrassed. "Kannin na" She said as she took another step back. "This is so embarrassing, kannin na" She was about to head out the door, to go back to her quarters,

"Shi- Shizuru, wait!"

But Natsuki stopped her by quickly grabbing her by the arm, preventing her from leaving.

"Shi- Shizuru, wait"

"I'll figure things out, I promise"

Shizuru slowly turned around to face the blunette, remnants of a broken memory suddenly coming to her. Her Ruby eyes were glistening because of the unshed tears they held. She was so embarrassed. So, so embarrassed. And now, with this new memory, unfinished memory, she was more and more confused.

"It's okay, Shizuru, don't be embarrassed" The Headmistress then said, not wanting her to leave feeling that way. "Sometimes we just act on impulse, without thinking…" She tried to explain her behavior. "We- We got caught up in the moment. That's all"

Shizuru looked at Natsuki straight in the eyes after she had said this. She wanted to ask her, then and there, if that was the reason she had kissed her that morning two weeks ago, because she was acting without thinking. Or if there was more to it. She wanted to ask her if they were more than just friends, but couldn't form the words.

Everything, dream and reality, seemed to be mashing up together in her head. She didn't know what to believe. What was real.

"Listen, don't worry about it" Natsuki then caressed the brunette's hand, giving it a little tug afterward to reassure her of this. "It's already forgotten, okay?"

Natsuki wished she would've told the brunette from the beginning that they were in a relationship before the brunette had gone missing. But she kept it to herself, mainly because she didn't want Shizuru to feel uncomfortable around her since she couldn't return her feelings. She didn't want her to feel any pressure, and didn't want Shizuru to see how hard her memory loss was on her. How much she was missing her partner, her lover, her best friend. But most of all, definitely didn't want her to see her heartache. It was already hard enough just being around her like this. All their memories forgotten.

And she also wanted Shizuru to trust her, to be able to confide in her. There was no way she'd be able to if she knew how she felt. Wouldn't be able to talk to her as freely as she does now.

"Okay" Shizuru then looked away, unable to look at Natsuki in the eyes, and placed some distance between them.

She went back to the couch to grab her diary, and decided that perhaps it was time she returned to her quarters. She couldn't help and feel both, disappointment and relief by the blunette's words.

And she was so confused, so confused about her own feelings. She didn't know if this was new, something she had recently developed, or if this was something she felt prior to her amnesia.

"Etto, Shizuru" Natsuki let out as she watched mentioned woman grab her things, "Tomorrow, why don't we go out somewhere, would you like that?"

She realized this morning that Shizuru had yet to leave the confines of the Academy. She had been stuck in Garderobe the past two weeks, the brunette seemed so bored most of the time.

When Shizuru's face seemed to light up because of this, she added, "I also wanted to run something by you…" She went ahead and sat on the couch, motioning for Shizuru to do the same. When the brunette did, she kept on, "Miss Maria and I have been talking, and we think it'll be good for you to attend some classes. What do you think? Is that something you'd like to try?"

"That would be nice, at least I'll be busy… I'm extremely bored"

Natsuki smiled at this, "That's what I thought"

"Wouldn't it be strange though?" She would be the only adult in the room, besides the teacher, of course. But the teacher would be teaching, she, on the other hand, would be studying. "And I wouldn't want to disrupt the class"

"Ie, the students know your situation…"

Shizuru was relieved because of this.

"And you don't have to interact with anyone if you don't want to, just sit in the back and listen to the lectures. I'll join you in some of them, depending on my schedule" Natsuki then added, "This will be good for you, it might help you better understand whatever you wrote in your journal"

Shizuru liked that idea. She couldn't understand any of the terminology, it was getting a little frustrating, and very confusing.

And speaking of the journal and terminology, "Natsuki, you were my Room Attendant, correct?"

Natsuki gulped, blushing lightly, "Yes… Why do you ask?" She timidly let out.

"Since I will be a student again, does that mean that she gets to Attend me again? Call me Onee-sama?"

"What? No, baka!" Natsuki blushed and yelled at her, and Shizuru could only giggle in response.

The things she had to endure while she was Shizuru's Room Attendant, it was unbelievable.

All the teasing and inappropriateness. Shizuru just loved to make her blush, to make her feel totally uncomfortable, especially during bath time. But she couldn't deny it, being her Room Attendant did make them closer, and she did learn a lot from the Pearl. Natsuki thought she was a good Otome because of her teachings, because of her guidance.

"I found something that may bring Natsuki a little consolation" Shizuru then said after her fit of giggles had subsided, "May I?" then motioned for the diary, asking if she could read her something.

"I'm all ears"

Shizuru opened her diary and searched for the desired page. Then, she started reading aloud one of her entries from when she was a Pearl:

"Today I met the most fascinating creature. I've seen her around campus before, she seems to be very timid and mostly keeps to herself. So, imagine my surprise when she came up to me this morning and petitioned to be my Room Attendant" Ruby eyes looked up to meet Emeralds, who seemed to blush, knowing this entry was about her.

"I honestly thought of her as one of my many fangirls. This girl was cute, very cute, so I thought I'd give her what she was looking for, a little affection. But what happened next, not in a million years I could've foreseen. I could've never foreseen the disappointment in her beautiful green eyes, the horror because of what I did to her" Shizuru turned over the page, then kept on reading in soft Kyoto-ben.

"Because I stole a kiss from her. She told me to forget about her petition, that it was a mistake, that I was not whom she thought I was, and that I was the biggest disappointment. And even at this late hour, although it has been many hours since, I still feel the burning sensation on my cheek, and I still can hear the ringing in my ears. This Coral, Kruger, Natsuki, has left quite an impression on me. No one has ever laid a finger on my face and has walked away without a single scratch. I will apologize to her, and if she still wants to be my Room Attendant and learn from me, I will gladly accept. I think she will become a great Otome one day. I have a lot of knowledge and skills to offer, she'd be a fool not to let this little incident slide. This girl is very interesting, I hope we become great friends"

Once Shizuru finished reading the entry, she closed the diary, it was now resting on her lap. "So, Natsuki slapped me?"

"Hai, you deserved it" Natsuki muttered while folding her arms over her chest. "I'm glad it stung all night long"

"And I stole a kiss from Natsuki?" Shizuru then added with a raised brow, totally amused. "Was this Natsuki's first kiss?" And when the blunette stiffened, her face burning, "Ara~ I hope it was good at least..." and added, "I have a feeling I'm a great kisser. If Natsuki doesn't approve we can do a do over"

"..." Not a word from the blunette. Not a single one.

"Fufu, I wasn't that bad of an Onee-sama, was I?" Shizuru then continued teasing her, changing the subject a little.

"N-Not that bad? Not that bad?! You were intolerable, insufferable, a complete embarrassment and pain. I still don't understand how I survived that year. It's beyond me" Natsuki replied, but there was no malice in her words, and she didn't sound upset at all. That smile of hers said it all, showed her exaggeration.

"I know, I have read" There was a playful smile on Shizuru's face, which made Natsuki's face reddened even more. Just what exactly did she write in there?

The things Shizuru had read in that diary, she would've not believed were it not in her own handwriting. During her Coral years, she had been quite a promiscuous butterfly. She flirted with almost everyone she thought was pretty, and apparently having Ahn Lu as an Onee-sama didn't help. She encouraged it even more, and taught her a few things about teasing and seduction.

But she noticed that something seemed to have changed during her Pearl year. The few entries she had read so far suggested so. And her writing, her sentences, they were a little hard for her to decipher. It was as if she was writing in code at the time. Or maybe trying to hide something, but what?

Natsuki stood from the couch and grabbed her blue jacket. She had been there too long and had to get back to her office. She had a lot of documents to review, and a couple of phone calls to make.

"I've got to go..." Natsuki said, a little disappointed. She would've liked to stay with Shizuru a little longer. "I still have some things to take care of upstairs" Then, she suddenly remembered. "Oh, Shizuru, I was going to ask you if you were feeling okay. You seemed a little down during lunch"

Shizuru stood from the couch, sharpie and diary in hand. "I'm alright, I just feel like something is draining my energy sometimes. I sleep enough and rest enough, I'm not sure where all that energy goes"

She followed Natsuki out the door and started asking her questions about the city and where they would go on their date tomorrow. They walked together until they had to part ways, Natsuki went to her office, and Shizuru decided to spend the rest of the afternoon reading by the garden.

Later, That Night

It was about three am, and Shizuru's breathing had finally slowed, her muscles had finally relaxed, and her heartbeat was now at a regular pace. She had finally fallen deep asleep.

It had taken her a while due to how excited she was to be leaving the Academy and seeing a new scenery. Seeing the outside world. Not to mention it was a whole day she would spend with Natsuki. It had been a while since they had done that, since they had spent a whole day together.

About an hour into her sleep, Shizuru awoke and slowly left the bed. She didn't bother picking up her robe to cover herself, to protect her body from the chilly night. And didn't bother wearing slippers or shoes either. She didn't mind walking around barefoot, the coldness of the marbled floor felt nice against her skin.

She left the comfort of her bedroom and started to walk down the corridors, there was a faint voice in her head, chanting:

Find the source

Find the source

Find the source

In the darkness Shizuru walks, she doesn't blink, she doesn't talk.

In the darkness she opens doors, in search for something, she wants the source.

In the darkness there's little time, only deep asleep she could free her mind.

And In the darkness she's not awake, it is not her who's in command.

"Where shall we search today, father?"

- 0 -

Thanks for Reading!

That last part was a little creepy.

Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics to Heart and Soul

"For the love of ShizNat"