In the Darkness
A Mai Otome ShizNat Story
Chapter 11
Two Weeks Later…
"You're so brilliant and so beautiful… Simply perfect" The young man sighed as he looked at the screen, admiring the brunette. "We really shouldn't have let you go, we could've learned so much from you once we got you to talk…"
He was going over the footage from this morning, from when they had gone in the dark. He had it paused at a specific frame, a specific spot.
Before commanding the brunette to leave her bedroom to continue searching for the source, he would always have her stop in front of her vanity, in front of the mirror. He'd have her stop there at least for a second, wanting to look at her.
He didn't need more than a second, more than a glance. He knew he could pause it and see her whenever he wished later on.
It's been two weeks since the incident happened, two weeks since his father had caught him in the dark without permission.
Ever since that night, his father wouldn't leave him alone in the lab anymore. He wouldn't leave him alone with the equipment afraid he might try and connect again, afraid he might try to harm the brunette's current bed companion.
He wasn't allowed to go in the dark for a whole week after that incident. Two times in a row he had disconnected suddenly, inappropriately, making him extremely tired and weak, so he was ordered to rest and to stay away from the lab.
When they started connecting again a week ago, they found that the brunette was back in her original setting, so they got to work right away, not knowing where they would wake up the next day.
They've been connecting almost every night since, resting every three days not wanting to stress the brunette's body and mind too much.
"Any progress with today's footage, son?"
"Y-Yes…" The sudden voice startled him. His father had always been very light on his feet, so he could never tell whenever he walked into a room.
He quickly pressed the fast-forward button, not wanting to be caught staring at the brunette again.
His father didn't like it when he did this, when he stared at her. He said he was becoming too attached to her, and that he needed to focus, to not lose sight of what was important: finding the source. They needed the source if they were going to survive, if they were going to leave this wretched, dying world.
"Take a look at this, father" The son said, pausing the footage at the desired frame. When his father was next to him, staring at the screen, he pressed play.
In the footage, the brunette was walking in what seemed to be the halls of a school, an Academy. And on the walls there were posters, posters of women equipped in their Robes.
"Do you see the pattern, father?" The son softly asked. He was a very soft-spoken guy, never got angry or raised his voice.
"They're all… female" The father whispered in realization, hazel eyes never leaving the small screen.
When they had done the blood-wash, when they had taken those curious particles from the brunette's blood, they processed them and injected some of them into the young man, hoping to see a change, a spark in his vitals, hoping that he'd develop her abilities: peak human strength and self-healing.
But nothing occurred. There was no change. None at all.
They wondered what made the brunette special. Wondered why the particles bonded with her, if something in her blood or her genes allowed her to be compatible with them.
But now they knew the answer to that question, it was gender related.
"Do we have any female guards in this facility, son?" The father asked. This was a great discovery, a step in the right direction.
"I believe so, yes" Was the soft answer.
"Perfect. Ask for a volunteer, have her meet us in the lab this afternoon" He commanded as he walked over to the large desk in the middle of the room.
He glanced upwards, towards the large screen, the one displaying the brunette's brain activity.
"Her memory progress seems to have stalled…" He muttered, wondering why it hadn't moved from forty percent in the past week.
"Perhaps our torture tactics are finally getting through to her" The son replied, blue eyes looking up at the screen as well, "Fear tends to delay memory progress"
This room, the one they were in at the moment, was the strategy room, where they looked at footage and gathered intelligence. The father looked at the recorded footage as well on his own time and drew a map of the place, of Garderobe, that's how they knew where they had been, and where they should search next.
The father looked down at the large map, both hands leaning on the table. There were some grey areas, but it was almost complete.
They still hadn't found where the source was located. There were many doors in this large facility with a lock system in place, a keypad lock. They didn't have the combination and hadn't gathered enough intelligence to unlock them. Anything could be behind those locked doors.
So far, they had an almost perfect picture of what the Administration Building looked like since that's where they always originated. They had searched the entire first floor, which was mainly the quarters, and had searched all the floors above it.
They knew the source wouldn't be in any of those floors, they highly doubted it. The space was too open, and the source should be well protected, should be somewhere safe, somewhere underground.
They had searched almost the entire building except for the underground level. They needed a passcode to get there, or a card key, but they had no access to those yet.
Tonight, had been a little different from the other nights. While he was walking the usually quiet, empty halls of the Administration Building, a redhead caught the young man's attention. She was a distance away, yawning, walking with both hands behind her head. It looked like she was about to leave the place even though it was very late.
Attempting to hide and not be seen by her, he commanded the brunette to quietly open the nearest door, which led him to a garden. He decided to stay there for a little while. And with his father's permission, he left the premises, left the Administration area to venture elsewhere. That's how they ended up in the school building.
Getting there was not quick, was not easy, so he had to use a shortcut.
He walked through plants, through bushes of flowers, bushes of many different types of roses. If he followed the clear, brick path, it would've taken too long to get to the next building. And not to mention the brunette would have been spotted since the area was very open and the night was clear.
When he got there, he took his time. He was in a new environment, a new place. That's when he realized that they were in a school, because every door he opened led to a classroom.
He hadn't seen a classroom in so long. No one in his planet bothered going to school anymore, they had other more important things in mind. The outside air had too much radiation, was too polluted. And one of their moons was shattered to pieces, small chunks coming down and hitting the planet from time to time when it was too close to its orbit. They spent their time, their life underground on a man made regulated environment. They didn't know how much longer they'll be able to stay there.
He walked a little further, opening and closing doors along the way, that's how he reached the cafeteria.
And when he noticed that her movements were starting to become a little slow, that he was getting weaker; he glanced at the clock and noticed that time was almost up. The brunette's body was about to leave 'deep sleep' mode and he wouldn't be able to control her anymore.
This place was too big and there was not enough time to return her to her quarters. So, he did the best he could do; he commanded her to sit on one of the cafeteria chairs and had her lay her head on the table, leaving the brunette in the cafeteria and safely disconnecting there.
And they hoped that she would wake up on time and return to her quarters on her own, knowing that everyone would have many questions as to why she was sleeping there.
They decided they wouldn't risk it, that they wouldn't connect again for a couple of nights. They had other important things to do anyway now that they had found this new discovery, that these curious particles only bonded with the female gender.
If only they could modify it, change it...
"Let's go, son, we have work to do"
Meanwhile,
Garderobe
It was six forty in the morning when Natsuki had gotten the call; the call that they had found Shizuru sleeping in the school building, in the cafeteria to be precise.
"What? I'll be right there"
Natsuki had quickly hung up the phone and left her bed, not bothering to put on her slippers or grab her robe.
She ran towards the school building, hastily making twists and turns once she was inside. Turning corner to corner, going from hallway to hallway, going through many swinging doors, not stopping until she got to the brunette.
Once she had arrived there, she just stood there for a moment and stared. She took in the brunette's appearance with a puzzled expression, with furrowed brows.
It was clear that Shizuru had slept walked there. It was obvious.
The brunette was sitting there, leaning forward, her head resting on her arms on the table, and a faint breathing sound escaping her parted lips. She looked frazzled, totally frazzled. There were leaves and rose petals in her hair, a few minor scratches on her face, arms, and legs. And when Natsuki looked at the floor, when Emerald eyes settled on her bare feet, she noticed the smear of blood accompanied by dirt on the ground. It looked like she had walked right through the rose garden, right through the rose bushes. And if Natsuki remembered correctly, those roses were pretty, very beautiful, yes, but they also had a lot of thorns.
"We should wake her, we don't want the students to see her like this"
That was Yukariko Steinberg, she was the one who had found Shizuru there.
Classes start at eight o clock sharp and students would be roaming these halls soon, filling the cafeteria to eat their first meal of the day before heading to class. The cafeteria opened at seven each morning.
"Hai" Natsuki let out, coming out of her stupor. "Yukariko-san, can you call Youko and have her meet us at medical bay?"
When the friendly, short haired woman nodded and started to walk away, Natsuki sighed and kneeled in front of the sleeping brunette.
"What am I going to do with you…" She let out another soft sigh, and then, "Shizuru" She called the brunette's name, a hand going for her bare shoulder, gently shaking her. "Shizuru, you need to wake up"
And within moments Shizuru slowly did. She heard her softly groan, softly complaint about something, and then watched her slowly blink. "Ohayo, Shizuru" She smilingly greeted her, a hand caressing her face.
"Natsuki…" Kyoto-ben softly spoke, her words slurred and her voice a little hoarse because of her sleepiness, "Why are we in the cafeteria?" She slowly murmured as she sat up straight and started looking at her surroundings.
"Why do you think?" Was the gentle reply.
Shizuru's eyebrows furrowed, "Ara~ Again? It's the second time in less than three weeks" Or at least the second time she had been caught by the blunette.
Shizuru hasn't told Natsuki about that time she had slept walked in Aries the night before the summit. That was a scary night, she thought she had harmed the blunette.
And the blood, the blood in her hands and face, unbeknownst to Shizuru, it awoke something in her. After that night her nightmares started.
"We have to figure out what's causing you to sleepwalk" Natsuki stood and then grabbed the brunette's hand, helping her stand as well.
And once Shizuru was on her feet, she hissed in pain and quickly sat back down again. There was something on the heel of her foot, and it hurt, really hurt.
"Here, let me take a look" The blunette got down on one knee and gently reached for Shizuru's right leg. When she raised it, she couldn't help and grimace at what she had found there.
"You've got thorns and splinters digging into your skin, that's why there's so much blood on the ground" Natsuki told her. "This sleepwalking of yours, it's dangerous, Shizuru. You can get seriously hurt…" and then, "Maybe it's time to use the Nanoma-"
"Ie, no needles, no injections" Shizuru quickly removed her leg from the blunette's hold and then raised again, hissing again because of the pain. But as long as she got her point across, as long as she seemed and sounded firm about this, about her decision, she could stand the pain.
"You need to stop being difficult about this" The blunette somewhat calmly let out, raising as well.
Every time she brought it up, every time she said the word Nanomachines, they ended up arguing about it.
"Once the Nanomachines are in your system, you'll heal quicker, things like these won't hurt you anymore" And then, "The process doesn't even hurt, you've done this before… You just-"
"Natsuki said that my opinion mattered, that I had a choice" Was the quick, angry response, "Back at the cabin, Natsuki said that I had a choice, or did Natsuki forget?"
"I know what I said, and you do. You do have a choice, Shizuru" Natsuki rubbed her eyes in irritation, one hand resting on her left hip.
"If you already know my answer, why do you keep insisting about this?"
"Because this is your life we're talking about, Shizuru!" Natsuki's hands went up in the air in exasperation, not knowing how to get through to her, she made it impossible to do so. "Why is it so hard for you to unders-" And then, "Where are you going?!" She hissed at her through gritted teeth, arms on her sides, hands turning to fists. Shizuru had started walking away, well, more like limping away mid conversation.
"Stop, Shizuru, you're only hurting yourself!" She followed her and grabbed her by the arm.
"Do not touch me" Kyoto-ben had sounded so calm, so, so calm, but there was a fire in her eyes. Angry Rubies on annoyed Emeralds when she said it again: "I told Natsuki not to touch me" And then, two seconds later, the hand was off her arm, she was free of her hold.
"I'm going to my room," She answered the blunette's previous question, "I am more than capable of taking care of my own wounds, I don't need Natsuki's help"
Natsuki pursed her lips, her cheeks burning up in annoyance. And when Shizuru started to walk away again,
"You're so stubborn and so infuriating! You're doing a fantastic job at driving me crazy, you know that?!" She shouted at her retreating form.
Whether done intentionally or unintentionally, Shizuru always got the better of her, made her quickly lose her temper.
She was normally a calm woman, a patient woman, a reasonable woman, she really was. Weren't for Shizuru she would win an award on all three counts.
But not today. Not right now. She was anything but those three things right now.
Emerald eyes watched as Shizuru limped away and she couldn't take it, couldn't hold it any longer, all logic and patience wearing thin. She quickly caught up to Shizuru and suddenly grabbed her, the brunette now over her shoulder.
"A-Ara! What are you doing? Stop it!"
But Natsuki didn't listen to a word the brunette said,
"Natsuki, put me down, now!"
Didn't listen to any of her commands. She ignored her and kept walking, walking down the quiet halls of the Academy, heading towards the infirmary.
"Natsuki, I'm serious!"
When they had arrived at the infirmary, she headed straight for the controls of the Healing Chamber.
"Stop it!"
She clumsily pressed a few buttons, turning on the machine. Her hands were a little full, so it took a little longer than usual.
"N-Natsuki!"
And then she walked the twenty steps to the machine, the frantic brunette wriggling in her arms the whole time, trying to escape.
"S-Stop it, please!"
But Natsuki had had enough, "No, I need you to calm down and be quiet" She roughly lay her on the bed, on the chamber, and held her down. "You're going to listen to me now"
She didn't mean to be so rough on Shizuru, but sometimes she forgets her own strength, and she wasn't thinking clearly right now.
"You don't want to tell me why you wake up screaming in the middle of the night, okay, I accept that, I'm fine with that" Then added, "You won't let us use the Nanomachines on you, I'm fine with that too" She kept holding her down so that she wouldn't escape, watching as the chamber started closing, "But I'm not going to watch you with these cuts, watch you limping in pain the whole week, not when we have the technology to make you better in an instant" When the glass reached her, she let go of her and took a step back.
"Natsuki, let me out of here" Shizuru quickly raised, now on her knees, "Natsuki, open this thing" Both of her palms touching the glass, pushing it, trying to loosen it somehow, to open it.
"D-Don't do this, Natsuki" She told her, panicking, hearing the sounds, the noises the machine made before releasing the white vapor. "You said I had a choice, I-I didn't choose this, I don't want this!" She tightly closed her eyes, her hands now on her ears, covering them. "Y-You said I had a choice…" She repeated, whispered, talking over the voices she could hear inside her head.
Whenever she panicked, whenever she felt anxious, felt fear, she could hear the voices, could hear loud whispers, but they were not very clear. It was hard to make out what they said. If she focused, if she let go of her fears for just a moment, she probably would be able to understand them, to listen to what they said.
"Y-You said I had a choice" Shizuru could feel the vapor surrounding her now, could feel the cool air against her skin, "Y-You lied to me, Natsuki" She said again, a sob escaping her lips, "Y-You lied to me…" And then repeated, "You lied to me"
And Natsuki?
She stood there with trembling lips, and hands turned into fists, knowing very well the brunette will not forgive her for this, for forcing her in there.
She let her anger, let her impatience get the better of her. She wasn't thinking with her head.
"Gomen, Shizuru" She said, her right hand now on the glass.
It was quiet inside the chamber now. She couldn't see inside, couldn't see the brunette, but she could hear her labored breathing, her small sobs from time to time.
To say that Natsuki was frustrated by the lack of answers was a huge understatement.
When they got back to Garderobe from their trip, she thought that Shizuru would open up to her, confide in her, tell her about her dreams.
But Shizuru hasn't.
It's been two weeks since then and Shizuru hasn't.
And on top of that, Shizuru won't let Youko administer the Nanomachines into her bloodstream. She was basically not an Otome, she couldn't transform into her Robe. And now there's the issue of her sleepwalking, of her getting hurt while doing so. She hadn't seen her do that since that time at the cabin, she thought perhaps it had been a one-time thing. But apparently not since it also happened today.
There's also the issue of her resisting being treated. The issue of her lack of improvement in the memory front as of late. Her tiredness during the daytime. Her suddenly waking up from her naps, breathless and frantic. Her screaming in the middle of the night. And she had a feeling that Shizuru was hiding something from her, keeping things from her, and she didn't know what or why.
And then there was Nao and her investigation, her discoveries. She had sent Nao to investigate on those readings the computer had picked up, and she didn't like one bit what the redhead had found. It just created more questions, added more to the mystery and confusion.
Natsuki had asked Youko to find out whether the readings that had to do with the brunette's disappearance had occurred in the past. And when Youko searched the archives she had found that they had. In the past fifteen years, those readings had been picked up by Garderobe's computers about eight times at most. Not with the same intensity as of the last couple of times, but they did occur, it was the same exact radio waves. Youko spent enough time deciphering them, she'd recognize those readings anywhere.
Natsuki then sent Nao on a secret mission. A mission to investigate whether there had been any missing persons reports filed at around those times, and if those missing persons ever came back.
When Nao returned a few days later, she told her that there were only two cases of missing persons, and that they had both been found.
It looked like one of them had died of starvation and dehydration since they weren't found on time in the desert.
And the other?
The other person got lucky that there was someone traveling around that area at the time and was picked up and dropped off at the police station, that's the only reason he had survived.
What Nao thought interesting though was that this person also seemed to have memory loss, had no recollection of who he was, like Shizuru. The authorities had helped him find his family.
Nao had left early this morning and was out there looking for that man now. Apparently, one of her contacts had found a lead on the man's whereabouts, so she went to check it out.
But something else interested Natsuki more, something else Nao had found that she thought was far more intriguing.
When Nao had searched the police database to see if they had found anyone in that desert around those times, not just missing persons, but people in general, the police logs showed that they had. They had found four people in total, but they weren't able to identify those dead bodies, there was no information or records when they tried to match the fingerprints.
And the cause of death was a little puzzling. The autopsy revealed that they had died of suffocation, and that their bodies showed extremely high levels of radiation, which was unusual for a desert. And the radiation levels were off the charts. Earl had no place with such high levels of radiation. The numbers were unheard of.
- Beep - Beep – Beeeeeep -
When the healing process finally finished, Natsuki took a few steps back, moving away from the machine. Emerald eyes watched as the vapor started to slowly disappear, she could see the brunette's form coming to view.
From the positioning, from the shadows, she could tell that Shizuru was still on her knees, could tell that she hadn't moved from the spot she had last seen her.
She could also tell that her hands were on her lap; and now that the vapor was no longer in that area, she could see clearly that her hands were trembling, holding onto her purple, satin, nightgown tightly in that area.
And then, the white vapor was completely gone. And the machine opened on its own; the large, thick glass moving once again.
Her Emeralds eyes didn't blink, her lips sporting a thin line. Shizuru was looking straight at her, her moist, Ruby eyes piercing into her own.
The brunette's body didn't move from her sitting position, didn't make a movement, but her lips sure did. And when they did, three words were spoken so softly, so softly, but loud enough for Natsuki to hear.
"I-I hate you"
The blunette heard Kyoto-ben say.
And she swallowed, the words cutting straight through her heart. She never thought she'd see the day when the brunette would say those words to her.
Never.
"I… I understand" Was the husky reply, "I know I deserve it" And then, she watched as Shizuru calmly left the chamber, her Ruby eyes showing a neutrality, a detachment they hadn't shown before, not towards her. Ruby eyes were always soft to her, friendly to her, ever since they had first met many years ago in this very school.
She watched as Shizuru walked towards her and then past her, heading towards the door behind her.
"Shizuru" Natsuki softly called her name, turning around to face her, her eyes, nose and cheeks becoming pink.
The brunette, in turn, stopped walking but didn't bother turning around. "Hai"
"I had to do this" And after those words were said, the brunette kept walking again, "I'm sorry" and not once did she look back, if she did, she would've seen the tears on Natsuki's cheeks, the tears being produced by her sad, Emerald eyes.
Natsuki then took a few deep breaths, now alone in the room. She tried to compose herself, and using the top part of her right index finger, she wiped the tears away.
These past few weeks, she felt like she was living in a dream.
A really good dream.
Putting aside those couple of arguments about the Nanomachines, things between them had been going so well. And Natsuki herself was slowly getting better, slowly showing affection towards Shizuru in front of their colleagues and friends, or when they went out on dates in the city. She would sometimes even hold her hand or placed a kiss on her cheek before consciousness got the better of her.
She knew it'd be a slow process, that getting better would take time. And she knew that not every day she'd be able to do this, to hold her hand in public, to kiss her cheek, but she was trying. Really trying. She was trying to undo the harm, the years of damage and insecurities that her mother had settled upon her.
And now, with this event, she doesn't know if Shizuru would forgive her. She seemed really upset, and she should be.
Natsuki walked over to the Healing Chamber and inspected the sheets, picking up the bloody thorns that were left behind. There were seven in total.
During the healing process, one by one the splinters and thorns were pushed out of the body. Any foreign object cutting through flesh, cutting though skin, would. Anything except for the Gemstone.
"I just bumped into Shizuru" Youko suddenly said, letting out a soft yawn. She had just entered the room and was still in pajamas herself. She had been told to rush to medical bay, so she did. "There was an unusual calmness about her…" By that, what she meant was that Shizuru seemed unusually detached, that perhaps something had upset her. She'd seen that look on her before, it's been years though. "Is everything okay?"
"Hai, I already took care of it" Was the mutter. "Gomen for waking you up so early, Youko"
"I meant if everything was okay between you two, Natsuki"
But Natsuki didn't respond, not with words, she gave her a sad expression and just simply walked away.
A Few Hours Later…
As Natsuki went about her day, finding it hard to get anything done because she knew that the brunette was upset at her; Shizuru was in the Moon Garden, appearing as calm as ever, trying to meditate.
It was now six thirty in the evening and Shizuru was on her knees on a thick blanket, hands resting on her lap. She was slowly inhaling and then exhaling, inhaling and exhaling, her back straight, shoulders aligned, Ruby eyes gently closed.
She liked meditating in the moon garden. She loved hearing the chirping sound of the birds, it was soothing. And the Jasmines surrounding her produced a sweet, calming scent, helping her relax.
She was trying to clear her mind, find inner peace. Trying to silence her mind. Her nightmares as of late were just that, nightmares. Or at least that's what Shizuru thought.
This past week she had been dreaming about Natsuki, but not in a very good way. She had been dreaming about Natsuki dying, and she was the cause of her death.
…They're just nightmares... Shizuru thought, …Natsuki is alive. Natsuki is unharmed… She had to remind herself every single time those images came to mind.
Yes, Natsuki was alive, alive and well, so she wasn't sure why she was dreaming of these sick, horrible things. They clearly weren't memories… Right?
And she knew that Natsuki was frustrated because of this. Because she wouldn't talk to her, open up to her about her dreams.
She didn't have the strength, the heart to tell her that she's been dreaming of her strangling her, killing her with her bare hands. How could she tell her about these sick, disturbing thoughts that have been plaguing her mind almost every night? How could she?
She couldn't. She just couldn't. She wouldn't even know how to begin that conversation.
And what good would it do to tell her that she also dreams of being tortured in so many different ways? It wasn't going to get them anywhere, anywhere closer to whomever did this to her, anywhere closer to finding out where she had been these past two years.
She wished she could remember something else, dream of something else. Something more helpful, useful. But she couldn't control what she dreamed about, couldn't choose what to dream. They just came on their own.
…What if I was trying to hurt her that night?... Shizuru's eyebrows furrowed and she deeply, shakily inhaled again. "I-Ie, I would never"
Whenever she was having bad thoughts, she visualized something that made her extremely happy, unbelievably happy. That would usually do the trick and take the anxiety away. But today it was especially hard because what made her happy was also the cause she was feeling distressed.
…I shouldn't have said those words to her… Her lips formed a small frown, remembering those three words she had whispered to her this very morning.
She didn't mean it, didn't mean those words, but she couldn't take them back now. And Natsuki shouldn't have done what she did in the first place. She had promised that she'd accept without complaints whatever she decided regarding her treatments. She had promised. And she broke that promise.
…I'm not so innocent though, I broke my promise as well… Shizuru thought, calmly letting out a deep exhale.
That same night at the cabin, she had promised Natsuki that if anything came to her, if she remembered anything about those two years she was away, that she'd tell her. And so far, she wasn't holding up to that promise. She hasn't told her a single thing.
She had also promised Natsuki that she wasn't going to try and figure things out on her own.
And what has she been doing lately?
She has been doing the exact opposite. She has been researching about different types of technology out there.
Nanotechnology.
Biotechnology.
How they worked and how it impacted the body.
She has also been reading about interrogation and torture techniques.
She stopped attending classes the week they returned from their trip, and instead, has been spending time in the library, going through book after book. Books that would help indicate the equipment that was used to torture her.
She would flip through pages, looked intently at every picture. Perhaps if she could classify them, pin-point the equipment and what they looked like, she could find the origin, she could finally be of some help.
But so far, she has come up empty. She hasn't found anything useful yet, nothing in those books looked familiar to her.
She thought that perhaps it was time to visit a bigger library. A public library. Perhaps what she was looking for she wasn't going to find in Garderobe.
…I'll ask Natsuki-… Shizuru pursed her lips, she didn't mean to think of the blunette. She was upset at her and was trying not to think of her. Every time she did so she could only remember what she had done in the morning.
…I'll ask Arika-chan to guide me to the library tomorrow…
And then, she deeply inhaled and exhaled again. In through her nose, out through her mouth; trying to keep her mind at a complete blank for a few moments as she did so. Trying not to think of anything at all.
The silence, the stillness, it was soothing, it calmed the fast beat of her heart.
She could feel that the sun was starting to set, could tell by the darkness in her eyes, because the sunlight was no longer as bothersome as before.
Shizuru decided it was time to head back to her quarters. She enjoyed meditating either in the morning, when the sun wasn't so high, or late afternoon, about an hour before sunset. At those times the energy was better for her. The stillness in her surroundings made her feel better. Feel zen.
She had been so exhausted this morning, so after leaving the infirmary she went straight to her bedroom, locked her door, and took a shower.
She really needed it, her feet and legs were completely dirty and bloody from all the walking she had done during her sleep.
And after her shower, she had gone back to bed and had slept until noon, that's the reason why she was meditating at this time.
Normally, she would have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Natsuki in the garden. They normally ate all their meals together, but she didn't bother showing up today. She wasn't hungry, she was too upset to eat. And she preferred to be alone, alone to calm down, alone to think.
If she showed up at the garden feeling the way she's feeling, she might say more things she might regret. She thought it best not to go, not to see her, to keep her distance for a little while until she had calmed down.
Shizuru stood from the blanket and then picked it up, about to start folding it,
"Shizuru Oneesama!"
She then turned her head to the side a little, a smiling Arika was approaching her from behind.
Shizuru smiled at the eighteen-year-old, "Konbanwa…" And then, "What brings you to these parts, Arika-chan?" She asked her, knowing very well that students were not supposed to be in this area. It was restricted area, for staff only.
"The Gakuenchou asked me to bring this to your room, I was on my way there now" Arika had a tray in her hands.
"Ookini, Arika-chan" Shizuru softly smiled at the sweet, happy teenager, relieving her from the tray. "I'm not very hungry, but since you've already brought this, would you mind eating it with me? I would hate for it to go to waste"
Arika happily nodded to the brunette. She would never say no to food, not even when she was full.
She followed Shizuru to the nearest bench and sat there with her, then started to slowly dig in.
While they ate, she talked to Shizuru for a little while about what she was learning in class, and also complaining, more like whining about a teacher or two, and about the upcoming exams.
"Shizuru Oneesama?" And after a moment of silence, of peace and quiet, Arika softly let out with a small blush, changing the topic. "Can I ask you a personal question? I was going to ask the Gakuenchou, but Nao senpai hasn't been around…"
Shizuru raised a curious brow. She found the girl's sudden blush and nervousness a little intriguing. And if Juliet was involved, it must be about something embarrassing, something that perhaps Natsuki was going to have a difficult time explaining.
"Ara~ A personal question? Does it have anything to do about engaging in this and that with a special someone?" She teased, "Because Arika shouldn't if she wants to continue being an Otome"
Arika's blush intensified, she felt so lightheaded and thought she was about to faint. "T-This and that?"
Shizuru giggled, "Fufu~ I'm only teasing, what is your question?"
Arika let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, "It's about Shizuru Oneesama and the Gakouenchou…" She timidly went straight to the point, "Is it true that you're a couple?"
Shizuru's eyebrows raised in humor by the question, and then softly smiled, "What does Arika-chan think, I wonder?" She asked, tapping her own chin.
Arika thought about it for a while, going back to the first time she officially met the pair at the front steps of Garderobe.
The way they acted around one another, how comfortable they were with one another, all the teasing, she really thought that they were best friends.
But then, sometimes, when they were walking side by side around Garderobe and they didn't notice that she was around, there would be a small touch of hands, an intentional small caress of hands. And the way they smiled and looked at one another sometimes, it wasn't the way two friends looked at one another. There was more to that look, more to that smile.
She didn't think much of it then since it was between two women, but the more she thought about it, the more it reminded her of the way she used to look and smile at Sergay when she had feelings for him.
Arika looked at Shizuru in the eyes, a small blush in place again, and then she softly nodded 'yes' to her. "I think it's true"
And then, she came to another realization. She tilted her head to the side and scratched her cheek when she said it, "Ah, no wonder Mashiro always gives me a weird look when I tell her we should be as close as you two"
Apparently, the young Queen even knew about them but failed to tell Arika. Or perhaps she did tell her and Arika just didn't listen? Only heard what she wanted to hear?
At any case, all Arika wanted was to get along with Mashiro, they disagreed on many things and argued most of the time.
"Ara~ Kawaii, ne" Shizuru smilingly tapped the girls head, "You're too sweet" And then, she gracefully stood, it was getting late. "I'm going to return to my quarters, can you take this back to the cafeteria for me?"
"Hai!" Arika said with much enthusiasm, standing as well.
Shizuru then grabbed her blanket and headed for her building, "Have a good evening, Arika-chan" She smilingly told her before disappearing inside.
A couple of hours passed, and she was now in her bedroom, bathed and fully dressed in a comfortable, long, two-piece pajama set, one similar to the ones Natsuki usually wore. She decided to stop wearing short nightgowns for a while, because of her sleepwalking, although that's what she mostly owned. She needed to go shopping for new sleepwear.
She sat there on her long, sofa chair, knees bent closely to her chest, her opened diary next to her. Ruby eyes were intently looking up at the bright moon again. She had remembered something just a few minutes ago, she had a vision, heard the words. She had heard the sentence not too long ago. It had come to her once before:
"Youko, please take care of Natsuki"
She had said, but there was more to that vision now, more to the pieces,
"Tell her that I love her… A-And… That I won't be able to fulfill my promise. T-That I'm sorry"
She had quickly grabbed her diary and had written down what she saw in her vision, making circle after circle after circle after circle, forming a large, black hole.
"What does it mean?" She thought with furrowed brows as she looked up at the bright moon, "A portal somehow? But a portal to where?"
It was about to be ten thirty in the night soon, and Natsuki usually paid her a visit at around this time after she was also ready for bed.
Most nights, they slept in their respective bedrooms. But sometimes, Natsuki would fall asleep in her bed after a long while of conversing and laughing and making out.
Shizuru really loved hearing her talk, really loved hearing her laugh. She could listen to her all night, watch her smile all night, and she very much enjoyed their make out sessions. They were hot, and most of the time led to engaging in this and that, which was really, really hot.
- Knock -
- Knock -
And without fail, right on time, there the blunette was.
"Shizuru…"
She heard her softly say, it sounded like she had no energy to give.
"Can I come in, Shizuru… please?"
But Shizuru didn't respond.
Her rare, Ruby eyes briefly stared at the closed door, she had locked it on purpose. And on the door, she had angled one of her chairs against the knob, making sure she made it difficult for herself to leave this room if she ended up sleepwalking again tonight. Or that at least she would notice if when she awoke the chair had been moved. Nothing stops a sleepwalker, not even a door, Shizuru knew that.
She was starting to think that the cause of her tiredness was because of this, because perhaps she was sleepwalking more than she thought. She wondered what exactly it was that she did when she slept walked. She wondered why she was doing this. Natsuki had said that she didn't have a habit of doing so in the past, why start now?
Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Natsuki's head rested against Shizuru's door, Emerald eyes closed.
"Shizuru please… Please let me in... Shizuru-"
"Ahem"
And Natsuki quickly stood up straight, it was Miss Maria that had cleared her throat and was walking towards her, …Oi… And she had that usual, unfriendly scowl on her face, yet it seemed a little more sympathetic this time for whatever reason.
"Good evening, Headmistress Kruger"
She heard the old woman say as she walked past her.
Her own bedroom wasn't too far way, she just had to walk the long hallway and then turn left at the corner, her bedroom was a couple of doors down after that.
Most of the bedrooms on this hallway were vacant since it was reserved for the Columns only. The occupants were currently Natsuki, Shizuru, and Nao. The other two Columns worked independently across Earl, they were almost never around and checked in from time to time to help out with the school when they weren't out on mission. And Mai had a room there as well since she had been helping out, but she didn't use it. She went back to Black Valley everyday to feed and keep the demon company.
"Good evening, Miss Maria" Natsuki nervously replied, a hand rubbing her neck.
Miss Maria was no longer her teacher, she was a colleague now, but she still scared the life out of her when she appeared out of nowhere like that.
"If you're worried about her wellbeing"
Natsuki then heard her say, suggest,
"You have keys to every door in this facility, you could use it"
And with that, she silently and very serenely walked away.
Yes, Natsuki did have access to every room in Garderobe. She was the Headmistress and had key cards and passwords to every room.
But if Shizuru had locked her door, if she didn't want to see her, she was going to respect it. She wasn't going to invade her privacy.
"Shizuru" Natsuki tried one more time now that she was alone in the hall again, "Please open the door… Please?"
But still no reply from her.
"I just want to see you, to make sure you're okay"
No reply.
Natsuki sighed, a hand reaching for her robe's pocket, taking out a tiny flower she had made for her out of pink origami paper.
She gave the flower a small kiss, "Oyasumi, Shizuru" then said, slipping the folded flower underneath her door.
She walked back the short distance to her quarters and gently closed the door behind her. Tonight was going to be one of those nights, a long and restless one. She was going to get no sleep tonight.
She walked around her living space, it was more of an apartment than a bedroom. She had a small kitchen, a large living room with a beautiful piano, a dining area, and a larger bathroom.
Since she was responsible for the school administration her quarters were much, much bigger than the other Columns', because she rarely left the school grounds to go out on missions. The time that she did leave Garderobe or Wind Bloom in general when not on a holiday was mainly for diplomatic reasons. The other Columns did most of the dirty work, they all had different duties. Her job was to keep Garderobe going, to keep the students and the Otome Technology safe, and to make sure that the students had the best education possible, the best training possible to become exceptional Otomes. That was her duty as the Second Column.
Natsuki headed for her small bookshelf and picked one of the books she had recently started reading, one she had borrowed from Garderobe's library. Then, she headed for her bedroom and closed the door.
She enjoyed reading, that's one of the things that she and Shizuru had in common. They used to read the same books and exchange opinions and thoughts once they were both done, but they didn't do that anymore. Shizuru's choice of reading as of late had more to do with self-help and spiritual healing, things that Natsuki never had an interest in, she believed it to be a big sham.
But if Shizuru found it helpful somehow, then she was going to give it a try.
She was now reading that book she had found her reading on the jet plane when on their way to Duran. 'Traces of You: Finding Inner Peace, Volume One' the book was called. It was back on the shelves at the library, so Shizuru must've already finished reading it. Shizuru had always been a fast reader and was never the kind of woman to pick up a book and not finish it. Well, unless it was a complete waste of her time.
"This is ridiculous, why do we even carry this?" She softly muttered as she read page after page, her eyebrows furrowing the more she read. She had no idea what kind of weak mind would believe these words. "I need to look at our book directory list, we could certainly do without some of this useless reading"
She placed the book on her night stand and turned off the light, noticing that it was already late. She looked at the white ceiling, stared at it intently for a long while. And when her eyes got tired from not blinking she softly shut her Emerald eyes. She wasn't going to be able to sleep, but at least she could rest her eyes the whole night.
- Knock -
She heard a soft knock, it was only one knock. And then heard the door open just a little bit.
"Natsuki, are you awake?"
She heard Kyoto-ben whisper.
"Hai" Her left hand reached for her lamp on the nightstand and turned it on. The brunette took this as her cue to come into the room, closing the door behind her.
Shizuru slowly made her way to the bed. Once she got there, she sat on the edge of it next to the sitting blunette.
"I'm still mad at Natsuki" She seriously told her, "I'm only here to thank her for the flower"
That was partly a lie, Shizuru couldn't stand it anymore so she had to see her. She always had a soft spot for her girlfriend and couldn't stay away too long, mad too long. It felt like dejavú to her somehow though, this feeling.
And how Natsuki was pleading, pleading to let her inside, to let her see her, it pulled at her heartstrings. She just couldn't hold it anymore, couldn't ignore the feeling anymore.
Natsuki grabbed her hand and caressed it, sitting closer to her. "I'm really sorry about this morning, Shizuru" She was sincere with her, "You drive me crazy sometimes" And then, added, "But that's not new, it's always been like that. From the moment I met you you've done your best to drive me insane"
Shizuru softly smiled at her. "If you promise me to never do that again, never, ever again, I will forgive you" And then, quickly added, a finger on Natsuki's lips as she was about to speak, "But you have to mean it, and you have to be very convincing" And then, "If you ever do that again I am done with you, do you understand? There will be no second chances" Okay, perhaps she was overdoing it a little, but she needed Natsuki to understand that it could never happen again.
Natsuki nodded in understanding. She grabbed the hand that was touching her lips, regretful, green eyes on the brunette's Ruby ones. "I'll never do that again, Shizuru. I promise… I'm really sorry, please forgive my intrusion..." Adding, "I just, I only want what's best for you, I can't stand seeing you in pain"
Shizuru then softly nodded, letting her know she accepted her apology. And then, she leaned forward and gave her a series of small kisses on the lips, her hand, her thumb caressing her cheek with every brush of lips, never deepening the kiss.
"I love you" Natsuki whispered to her, placing a kiss on her cheek before resting their foreheads together.
"A-And... and I, you" Shizuru replied, caressing the woman's face.
"Natsuki" Then said, "I remembered something, I remembered about the morning I went missing" That's one of the reasons she was here as well, she wanted to tell her about her vision since it was still fresh in her mind.
Natsuki tensed when hearing this, separating a little to be able to look her in the eyes, "You do?"
Shizuru nodded, "Did Youko ever give you my message?"
Natsuki softly nodded once.
"It's so strange, that feeling" Shizuru then said, "When you think you're going to die" And then, added, "It's really true what they say, that either your life flashes before your eyes in those final moments, or that the person you love most comes to mind… I felt sad and yet so happy, sad because I wasn't sure what would happen to you when I'm gone, who would protect you and keep you safe, and happy because I got to see you one more time before everything went dark" There was a sadness in her voice and eyes.
"It just came out of nowhere, the darkness" Shizuru then kept on, "It's so strange…" She was pensive for a little while.
And Natsuki remained silent a little longer, didn't ask any questions because she didn't want Shizuru to stop sharing. She wanted her to keep talking.
"I was standing there in that desert, and it felt as if all time had suddenly stopped" Shizuru continued, "The air felt different somehow, gravity felt different, everything was dark. I couldn't escape it, I was instantly paralyzed"
"Hai" The blunette listened intently.
"And then I felt something pulling me in" Shizuru kept on, she brought her hands up and was looking at them, remembering how it looked like, remembering what she saw, "I could see myself disappearing, I could feel every atom, every cell in my body splitting. I wasn't really… disappearing, per say, it was more as if I was disintegrating… like becoming sand, and a vacuum, the darkness was pulling me in"
"What did it look like, what was pulling you in?" Natsuki then asked.
"From my line of sight? It looked like an endless, black hole" Shizuru told her, "I couldn't see anything past it. Not a sheen of light"
"Like a wormhole or a portal" Natsuki then thought aloud, hand on her chin.
"That's what I thought" Shizuru said, "It could lead to anywhere"
"A different time, past or future?" Natsuki pensively let out,
"A parallel or alternate world?" Shizuru thoughtfully chimed in,
"A different universe? A different planet?" The blunette then added.
Shizuru sighed, "Unfortunately, it is still a mystery to me... I don't remember where it led to, I don't remember what's on the other side. Not yet at least" She finished with a small frown.
Natsuki smiled at her, a hand now on the brunette's neck, "It'll come to you. It's all in there, it's all in your head" And then, "Thank you for sharing this with me, Shizuru..." And reminded her, "You can share anything with me, anything" She pulled her in and loosely embraced her for a long while.
And while she did so, she was going over in her head everything that Shizuru had just voiced, and was thinking how to approach it next.
She'd have to ask Youko about that desert in detail tomorrow, perhaps they could go out there again, run some more extensive tests.
And after a long moment of thinking and silence,
"Shizuru" Natsuki parted from their embrace so that she could see the brunette in the eyes, there was now a small blush on her cheeks, "Let's get better, okay? You and me" Then, softly added, "When we are both better, I want to ask you something. I think it will make you happy" Then corrected: "Make us happy"
Shizuru lightly blushed herself, thinking she had an idea of what that something might be. "I'd really like that, Natsuki" She said with a timid smile, "For both of us to get better, I mean" And then she sealed those words with a long, amorous kiss.
And not soon after their lips met, Shizuru found herself laying on the bed, Natsuki on top of her, in between her legs, kissing her softly and caressing her waist.
And when their lips parted, Shizuru lovingly stared at the woman above for a while, both her hands on the blunette's face, caressing her pink cheeks, "It's very late... I need to go back to my room and go to bed"
"Shizuru..." Natsuki then said, not for one second moving from her position on top of the brunette, totally loving the way she caressed her face in such a sweet way, just like old times. "There's one more thing I wanted to run by you..."
She had been wanting to do this for years now, but was always scared of what other people might think so always backed out. Everything was out in the open now and their friends knew about them, about their relationship. And they seemed to be reacting well about it, not giving them dirty looks or saying hurtful words, unlike her mother.
And she was trying to get better. This would be good for her, for them.
And on the plus side, there would be no more sneaking into Shizuru's bedroom in the night. Or any more embarrassing displays in the hallway like tonight, like what happened with Miss Maria.
And she could also keep a better eye on Shizuru's sleepwalking. Keep her safe. Keep her from injuring herself.
She could only see good things from this, positive things.
"Stay here... Stay with me" Natsuki's cheeks were tinted pink by the proposition, "I'll make room for you, for your things. We could share this space together... W-Would you like to move in here with me?"
Shizuru's heart was pounding loudly against her chest, but she wasn't sure if this was a good feeling or a bad feeling; if this was a good thing, or a bad thing.
Her head tilted back a little, Ruby eyes glancing at the closed door, knowing that the kitchen was not too far away.
There were knives here.
There were sharp, and many dangerous things here.
Things she could hurt Natsuki with in her sleep.
This wasn't a good idea, she couldn't control what she did when she was unconscious, when she was asleep.
All she could think about was what happened two weeks ago in Aries, how she had awoken so suddenly with that letter opener in her hand, how she was standing so close to the sleeping blunette.
If she hadn't awoken, would she have hurt her?
"What do you say, Shizuru?"
"I..." Shizuru swallowed, Ruby eyes still on the door. "Hai, I would love to, Natsuki" Then replied, facing the blunette again, but she didn't sound too excited or convinced.
If she wanted to keep Natsuki safe, perhaps it was time to have a talk with her, to let her know about her disturbing dreams.
- 0 -
Thanks for Reading!
And thanks for the Reviews/ Follows/ Faves/ Messages/ and Comments
I updated a week sooner than I had promised, I had some time to write :)
I feel like we are slightly moving along now.
Also, one Guest had asked if the Father and Son were aliens. I can't answer that question right now, yes no maybe lol
I'm still researching about the kinks of this SciFi thing. I don't know much about the Genre and I want it to make sense. If it doesn't, I'm so sorry!
Let me know what you guys think about the chapter.
"For the Love of ShizNat"