In the Darkness

A Mai Otome ShizNat Story

Chapter 15

"Mom?"

"Yes, darling"

"May I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"What does love feel like?"

"Love?... Hmm, it's one of the hardest sentiments to explain…"

"Why is that?"

"Because, it's different for everyone. Not everyone feels it and experiences it the same"

"Ara~ Then how will I know when I have fallen in love?"

"Oh, don't worry, Shizuru… When you feel it, you'll know. It is unmistakable…"

Shizuru smiled at the sudden memory. She was laying on her left side, staring at her lovers' calm, sleeping face. She had been thinking about that word, about love just a moment ago, thinking about her feelings for the blunette. This must've triggered the memory to come to her.

…Mother was right… Was the thought, …The feeling, it is unmistakable, it can't be missed…

If she could describe the feeling to her mother now, or at least the positive feelings, for she knew very well that love and pain, joy and sorrow came hand in hand, she would say to her what she was about to whisper to the sleeping blunette:

"My heart feels warm with joy, like when the sun touches my face in the coldest winter" Her right, index finger went for Natsuki's face, the tip of it going for the bridge of her nose,

"and it beats so fast, so wild, like the tiny wings of a hummingbird" and then that finger slowly moved downwards in a straight line, gently touching her there,

"and when she looks at me, when she smiles at me, I feel goosebumps everywhere, like when a sudden, cold breeze touches my bare skin on a hot summer night" and when she reached the tip of her lover's nose, she moved her hand to its previous position, moved it back to the blunette's waist, for the touch had made Natsuki stir just a little bit,

"It's a wonderful feeling finding the one you're meant to be with, it's a wonderful feeling being in love" and she moved forward, leaned in the short distance and gently kissed the tip of her lover's nose, causing Natsuki to stir yet again, to snuggle closer to her afterwards.

From the memory she just had, by how immature her own voice had sounded, she could tell she was probably twelve, perhaps thirteen years old at the time. It was the first memory she'd ever gotten prior to being a Coral, prior to enrolling in Garderobe. The first memory she had ever gotten where she had seen one of her parents.

She still had no recollection of her childhood days, no recollection of how she was when she was a kid, or of how she and her parents were. Whether she got along well with them or not, whether they were close or not. And from the few pictures that she has in that white box in her closet, it seemed like they were. Those smiles on their faces, they were genuine, they weren't forced nor fake. She could tell because of the way their smiles reached their eyes, because of how close they stood next to one another, invading each other's personal space.

In the current memory, she and her mother were sitting on a large blanket at the park, having a picnic. Her father, however, was nowhere in sight. It was a sunny day, and they were surrounded by green grass, wild, colorful flowers, and large trees. There was not a skyscraper in sight, not one. The sky stretched for miles and miles and miles, so she guessed they must've not been in Wind Bloom, they must've been out in the countryside somewhere. In Wind Bloom, everywhere you turned you could see a building or structure from far away, obstructing the beautiful blue.

In her memory, she noticed that her mother didn't have an accent, so Shizuru guessed she must've gotten it from her father. She also wondered if her parents were together or if they were divorced, because it was odd for her to have such a thick accent if she lived with both of her parents. It would've mellowed, softened somehow.

Or who knows? Perhaps her father was the homemaker and spent the most time with her since the moment she was born, hence her thick accent, and her mother was the one who worked? Perhaps she traveled all over Earl and spent very little time at home?

Unfortunately, she wouldn't know the answer to those questions until all the memories came back to her, none of that information was in her diary. She had started keeping the diary the day she had enrolled Garderobe, after her parents had passed away. And she didn't mention them in there at all. It was not in the writing, not in the pages, not even once. She didn't even know her father's first name, it was as if they never existed at all.

She thought that perhaps this was her own way of keeping the sorrow away, of not feeling the pain of their loss. So that she wouldn't miss them. A way of protecting herself, protecting her wounded, lonely heart.

But since she was starting to recollect her childhood days, Shizuru guessed it was a good sign. It was only a matter of time before all her memories came back.

…It's almost morning… Shizuru noticed. She could tell because it had gotten so much lighter in the room and she could see Natsuki's features almost perfectly now, there was barely any shadows on her face. …I wonder if she realizes how perfect she is, inside and out… And she could also hear the birds starting to wake, could hear the faint chirping sounds coming from the large window.

It's been exactly one week since the attempt on Natsuki's life. And a very long one, especially for Shizuru.

Ever since that night, ever since she had found out that she could've possibly been on Earth, she barely slept.

In all honestly, at the beginning when she had regained consciousness, Shizuru thought she might've been hallucinating, perhaps even dreaming. That the hit on the head had made her see things, had made her lose touch of reality for a little while. That it was all a figment of her imagination, a figment of her overactive mind.

But once she had found the words in the book. Once she had read what In the Darkness entailed, the thought instantly vanished, and some things started to make sense to her:

The sleepwalking,

the tiredness,

the voices she sometimes heard,

her being able to link minds with her captor, perhaps possess him, although she wasn't very certain of this because it had only happened one time.

For weeks she thought she was going crazy, thought that something was wrong in her head, but she wasn't. Now that she knew this, she knew she wasn't. She wasn't going insane. This was real, very real. This was really happening to her.

The book didn't give her much details on the technology for it was classified, military technology. Classified espionage technology that had been going horribly wrong on missions for many months, so it was never used again.

But the book did explain a few things.

The book explained that since the body didn't feel pain while being controlled, the possessed ended up dying because of the wounds they had incurred while In the Dark. Ah, but not only that, they also had found that if they disconnected suddenly, disconnected improperly, some of the possessors lost their mind, that they didn't come back. So, the technology was deemed as a failure, deemed dangerous and was buried in the archives, never to be used or worked on again.

The book said that the technology was very limiting, because one could only gain control of the body while in 'deep state of rest' or 'deep sleep', which only gave the possessor control of the body for about an hour and a half, two hours at most each night. That's how it got its name, In the Darkness. Because it was mainly used at night, for that's when most people slept long enough to reach this deep state of rest.

The book also said that the technology had many flaws, that it was very unpredictable and unstable, and more so when there was a bond, a special connection between the possessor and the possessed. And since the technology was classified as dangerous, the military didn't research further into it, didn't explore further, didn't want to waste any more man hours or resources on the matter.

Controlling someone for two hours was not enough anyway. And not being able to communicate made spying even harder, for they couldn't engage in casual conversation with those in their surroundings or get valuable information out of them. And on top of that, they didn't know how long the effects would last, how long they'd be able to possess the body. The subjects always died, so they weren't able to find out.

So, they buried the technology and moved on to the next project. Simple as that.

…They must've been desperate to use this on me, knowing its high rate of instability… Shizuru was right about that, about the desperate part. But it was the only thing that worked on her clever mind since she couldn't be persuaded, couldn't be turned to their side. They had no other options, had very limited resources. This was their only choice.

…And what do they mean by bond? What kind of bond? What could possibly bond me to him?... Those were some of the questions that the brunette had all week long.

She didn't know this young man, this Ichiro guy. He lived in another planet, billions and billions of miles away. They weren't lovers, weren't friends. And to her knowledge they weren't family or related. Had they been connected by blood somehow, she would've known, would've figured that out, she would've caught it in conversation somehow. She was sure they had done blood tests on her, had searched every inch of her anatomy, of her DNA in those two years they had held her captive.

Then, what?

What kind of bond could they possibly have?

What linked her to him?

It couldn't be feelings, she hated him,

deeply hated him for what he had done to her.

Then, what?

What was she missing? What was she not taking into consideration?

But unbeknownst to Shizuru, it had everything to do with feelings. What she was missing was his feelings for her.

He felt very deeply for her, had somehow fallen deeply in love with her. That's what exposed him, that's what allowed her to have access to his body, to his thoughts, to his mind, even without the helmet. This was what connected her to him, strong feelings. Deep feelings.

Their mutual feelings didn't exactly align, for his was of love and hers was of hate. But it was the deepness of it that connected them.

And that connection was one of the flaws of the technology, what made it so unpredictable. This was what allowed her to possess him even though he had been conscious at the time, wide awake. Its unexplored potential, what this technology could do, it was dangerous and endless.

And Shizuru, ever since she found out that her captors could possibly have access to her while in her sleep, she had stopped doing so. She didn't stop completely though, it was impossible not to sleep. The body really needed it to function at all. She just didn't allow herself to reach deep sleep just as she had read in the book, at least not in the nighttime.

Most of the night, she tried her best to stay awake. She'd quietly drink her tea and read, researched and kept notes while Natsuki slept soundly next to her. She was reading different types of books now, botanical ones, even one about communicating in sign language. The purpose of this you'll find out soon enough.

And during the daytime, she slept with intervals. She'd sleep for two hours, three at most in the morning and then would wake up, and she'd sleep again the same amount of time in the afternoon. She doubted that they would try to control her during the daytime, they'd be totally exposed with too many people around. But she couldn't be too sure, so, she didn't sleep long enough.

It was very tiring, doing this. She was exhausted, so exhausted. But she didn't want to risk it, more so when the blunette was sleeping next to her. She wanted to keep her safe, wanted to make sure that nothing happened to her.

Sometimes, she wished she would've declined moving in with the blunette. It was risky, sleeping in the same room with her every night. And with this new information, she was now certain that, that night in Aries, her captor had tried to harm her, had tried to get rid of her, possibly because she was on the way of their plans. Because they could get caught.

And this led her to the next series of questions:

What exactly was their plan?

Why were they doing this?

What exactly did they want?

Shizuru could just not figure that part out.

She had her suspicions though, especially since she noticed that those people on Earth could've been exposed to extremely high levels of radiation.

She noticed this because of their eyes, because the younger the person was, the brighter the color of their eyes were. There was a very strange, unnatural glow in them. A genetic defect due to generation after generation of exposure to harmful chemicals.

But why wouldn't they just cross over? They had immediate access to Earl, right? All they had to do was open the portal and cross.

So many questions Shizuru had. So many questions.

Either way, she'd find out soon enough. She had a plan of her own, a plan that she would set into motion in two days' time since Natsuki will be in Aries for diplomatic reasons and she will not be joining her on that trip. She was going to try and figure out what it was that they wanted and was going to try and stop them on her own.

This was her fight, her battle and hers alone. Not Natsuki's, not Youko's. That's why she didn't share her memories of those days with them, because she didn't want to bring anyone else into this, bring harm to them.

Those bastards didn't do this to them, didn't torture them, play with their emotions, with their feelings and mind, experimented on them. All this was done to her.

Her.

She wanted her revenge and she was not going to rest until she had succeeded, until that petty old man was no longer breathing.

…It's a little risky, and there is a chance I may not come back, but I have to do this. I hope this works… And Shizuru allowed herself to finally close her eyes, …If I want to spend my life with Natsuki, if I want to keep her safe, it has to work. I can't have this looming over me, this needs to stop now… allowed herself to fall asleep since she had about two hours until Natsuki's alarm went off.

And she had a surprise for Natsuki when she woke up, a surprise that had to do with an item she had found a little over two weeks ago in a white box.

Same time,

Planet Earth

"Could there be something wrong with the connection, father?" Ichiro anxiously asked, nervously scratching the side of his arm.

They were in the strategy room at the moment, and he was standing in front of a large screen, his bright, blue eyes eyeing the details on it. It didn't seem like anything was wrong with the brunette, her vitals seemed fine.

Then, why couldn't he connect?

Why didn't the little 'green light' that said the connection was stable ever come on?

He was anxious. Anxious because a whole week had passed and he had not been able to go In the Dark. And he was starting to become more and more restless with each passing night. He missed Deadly Beautiful, missed seeing her, missed the fact that even though he wasn't there, physically with her, he was still with her. It brought him relief, brought him piece of mind, stopped the ache of his heart.

"No, there's nothing wrong with the connection, my son…" Hazel eyes looked up at the screen as well. "It seems like she's not sleeping through the night. The connection is very faint throughout the daytime, though, it could be that some of her habits might've changed. All we can do is wait" Then, his hazel eyes shifted to a different screen, the one displaying the brunette's brain activity and memory progress. "Her memories are advancing fast though" He noticed that it had jumped to sixty five percent in only a week. It had stalled at forty percent for quite some time, so the sudden jump was alarming to him even though he didn't show it on his features.

She was remembering more and more. It could only mean that the neon-yellow serum was losing power, losing strength. And once that was gone, they would no longer have access to her. They were running out of time.

"Perhaps she no longer feels fear" Was Ichiro's thought. Which in a way, he was right; fear delayed memory progress, and once that was no longer present then the mind was free to explore, the mind was more at ease to open up.

And what Shizuru was feeling right now, it wasn't fear, it was the opposite. It was anger. The more she remembered about those days, the angrier she became.

"Perhaps, but we had anticipated for that" Was the thoughtful reply, remembering how the brunette had expressed no fear for the first seven months in captivity. The woman was strong, nothing scared her, at least not until the injections began, the ones that had her screaming every single night.

"How are you feeling these days, Ichiro?" He then asked his son, he hadn't used his name in such a long time. "Any nausea? Dizziness? Loss of appetite?" And then, cautiously added, "Blackouts?"

"No, father. I'm feeling fine…"

Hazel eyes curiously stared at blue ones for a moment. He didn't know whether to believe him or not. And after a long moment of silence, "If things keep going this way, we might have to go in the dark during the daytime"

"I wouldn't advise that, father. If she's spotted, they would tell right away it's not her because of her eyes…" Yes, when In the Darkness, her intense, Ruby eyes were no longer present. The color changed. They were replaced by his bright blue ones. Another item to add to the list of flaws in the technology.

"I know, let's hope it doesn't come to that, my son" The older of the two then walked over to the giant map on the table. "There is one place we have yet to explore, I'd like to try going there next when we are able to connect"

When he looked at the footage from their most recent possession, he noticed a strange looking building a distance away. It was large, white, and it looked like a fan.

"Have you had any luck with the particles, son?" The man then asked.

"No, it's a little puzzling. I'm still baffled by how they work…" And after some silence, he had a sudden thought, something suddenly came to him. A conversation from a very long time ago.

"Father, do you remember our first captive? The irrational man with the long white beard?"

The father looked at his son in the eyes, "Yes… He was a talker, alright" The man just wouldn't shut up. He really couldn't wait to release him and have that desert take his life.

"He said something about the powerful warriors that would come to his rescue… He called them something, do you remember what it was?"

And after much thought, "Ah, Otome" he said the word aloud. "He called them Otomes, my son" And after he had said it, his lips curved upwards in realization. "Do you know what this word means, Ichiro?"

"It means female, maiden" Was the soft reply.

"Yes… And don't forget virgin" The man added with a grin, "female virgins, that's why the particles didn't work on our last subject, we didn't take that detail into consideration…" This was a breakthrough. "Good work, my son"

…Deadly Beautiful has never been with a man before, she is still a virgin… Ichiro's cheeks tinted pink at the thought. …When we're together again, when we've succeeded in crossing over, I could be her first, her one and only… Yea, right. Not even in your dreams, boy.

"Go, son. Ask around and put a list together. This is of outmost importance, we must give it a try"

"Ask around…" His father's voice brought Ichiro out of his very perverted thoughts, "You want me to ask the remaining women in the colony if they are virgins or not" he deadpanned. "Isn't that a little too invasive, father?" And it was embarrassing, he didn't want to do that. And he was sure that the little women that were left in the colony already had a partner, there probably weren't any virgins left. But he wasn't about to tell his father that, not right now, that would only anger him.

"No, it's not invasive. Not if it'll get us off this planet, not if it can help us take over the other world… Go, son, you're wasting time. We have much work to do"

Sometime later,

Garderobe

- Beep – Beep – Beep – Beep -

Natsuki slowly detached herself from the brunette and moved her body to the left of the bed. Then, she reached for her nightstand, her palm gently silencing the alarm.

She did as she had been doing every single morning for the past week. She'd snuggle with the brunette for about five more minutes after the alarm went off. Then, she'd get up, raise to a sitting position, slowly stretched her arms and straitened her back, all the while letting out a soft yawn. And then, she'd kiss the sleeping brunette good morning on the cheek before leaving their bed.

She'd grab her bathrobe from the nearby chair and would walk over to the restroom, were the first thing she'd do is, well, she's human so she'd release her bladder. And then she'd walk over to the sink, she'd wash her hands and brush her teeth, and then neatly got rid of her clothes and hopped in the shower.

But this morning, it was a little different. The routine was somewhat off. She wasn't able to make it to the toilet this time around.

Once she had closed the door behind her and had walked to the middle of the large room, her Emerald eyes immediately caught sight of something written on the wide mirror. Written with what seemed to be red lipstick.

It stood out so much, especially since everything in this room was void of live colors, everything was white.

Natsuki walked over to the sink, her reflection in the mirror obstructed by the writing. "I know how much you hate surprises, so please don't be alarmed" She slowly read Shizuru's handwriting in her hoarse, morning voice.

"when you leave this room, I will be waiting right outside" She paused for a moment to cautiously look at the closed door, involuntarily swallowing as she did so, and then faced the mirror again and kept on reading,

"a-and I will be asking you a question. I hope that after you listen to what I have to say, your answer is yes" and then, "but you are allowed to say no, our relationship won't change and my feelings won't get hurt"

The blunette felt a knot in her throat, felt heat on her face. She felt complete nervousness, felt a sudden tightness in her chest.

Was Shizuru going to ask what she thought she's going to ask?

But wasn't it a little premature?

They're both not well yet. They said, well, more like she herself had said, that they would wait. And she was the one who was going to propose marriage to her, not the other way around.

What was Shizuru thinking?

Was she out of her mind?

She wasn't expecting this, not this soon. This was a total surprise. And Shizuru was right about the first part, she really didn't like surprises.

Natsuki looked at the closed door for a long moment. And after taking a few deep breaths and gaining enough courage, she decided to walk over to it, to open it.

And once she had done that, she had found Shizuru waiting outside, just as the writing on the mirror had said.

She was on the floor, sitting Seiza style. She was leaning forward a little, finishing lighting the last of the many candles surrounding her on the floor. There was a calmness about her, a warm, beautiful smile on her blushing face, and a small box on her left hand.

She was glowing, beautifully glowing, and Natsuki wasn't sure if this was because of the candles, or because of the morning light seeping in through the large windows, or if this was Shizuru's own glow, her own happiness radiating out of her body.

And when those unique Ruby eyes looked up and their eyes met,

"Ohayo, Natsuki"

Natsuki nervously swallowed, unmoving from the door, "O-… Ohayo, Shizuru" She softly replied to her.

Shizuru lovingly smiled at her, "Don't be nervous, ne?" she had to whisper to her, knowing that this was a big step, especially for someone like Natsuki.

If she was scared, if she answered no today, she wouldn't blame her, wouldn't be mad at her.

Shizuru brought her hand up, reaching out for her lover's hand, "Come sit with me…"

And Natsuki slowly took the necessary steps to get to her, to grab the offered hand. She lowered her body and sat Seiza style in front of Shizuru, sitting inside the small circle of light with her.

"Kannin na it's not a very romantic setting, but I've been wanting to do this for a very long time now, I couldn't wait any longer…" The brunette sincerely said,

"And I know this, not because some words written in a notebook said so, but because I remember… I remember that you're my greatest love, my greatest heartache. That you're my whole life, and that no one makes me feel the way you do" She paused for a moment, her thumb caressing the woman's fingers, and then continued,

"Today, I've decided to listen to my heart, my heart that is always full of thoughts of you…" Shizuru softly continued, "We have known each other for quite some time now, I've seen you grow into the marvelous woman you have become. And ever since I met you that afternoon right in this Academy, I was completely taken by you, you haven't left my thoughts since then" and then,

"You said something to me not too long ago, you said that you were really trying to change. And I believe you, you truly are… But I want Natsuki to understand one thing. I didn't push Natsuki throughout our relationship because I wanted her to change. I don't want her to change, I fell in love with her just the way she is… All I wanted was for her to realize one thing, that her feelings, our feelings, are nothing to be ashamed of. That it is okay to hold hands when others are around, that it doesn't matter whether they are looking or not, it doesn't matter what they think or say. And you may not realize this, but every passing day, you're understanding this, you're showing affection, you're getting better, so much better"

Yes, this is true, the blunette no longer looked at her surroundings, looked for other people's reaction when showing affection to her, at least not all the time.

"You've come such a long way, Natsuki, I'm very, very proud of you…" Shizuru's hand went for the woman's blushing cheek and caressed her there,

"And my memories are coming back to me every single day, so much faster than before. So, let's not wait any longer, let's get married and continue getting better, continue moving forward together" and after that,

"I… I believe this is the part where Natsuki should stand" she couldn't help and timidly smile at her as she bent on one knee and then helped the woman stand. Natsuki looked so innocent right now. She seemed like she was in the clouds, she was speechless, out of words.

"Natsuki…" Shizuru took a deep breath and then continued, "you are so much more than a lover, so much more than a best friend… you complete me, you are my very soul" She took out the gorgeous ring from its box, placed the box aside on the floor, and then reached out for the blunette's soft, left hand. She then looked her in the eyes again and said,

"Kruger, Natsuki, wielder of the Ice Silver Crystal, and Princess of Duran, I am happiest when I am by your side… You are the light of my eyes and the keeper of my heart, and I love you, I will always love you and protect you, come what may" and then, "A-Are… Are you willing to share the rest of your life with me?" And finally,

"Kruger, Natsuki, will you please marry me?"

- 0 -

Thanks for Reading!

And Thanks for the Reviews/Comments

To tell the truth, I didn't see Shizuru's proposal coming. Once it was written, I debated whether to erase it and just forget it ever happened or just use it. So I kept it because I think it shows progression on her part, and I also think that for the events of the next chapter to occur, it'd make more sense if I kept it.

And her proposal was very simple, nothing grand or extravagant, which I think is fitting for her character based on what I've seen in Otome. She seems like a simple person.

Also, FYI, we are down to the last two chapters guys! And then comes the epilogue.

Some of you might think ending the story right now might be rushed, I know there are some areas that could still be explored in this world, but I think it's for the best that I end it. Everything is out in the open now, who the other people are, what happened to them, their true intentions, and Shizuru now knows about them and understands what's happening to her a little better. I don't want to prolong this story and turn it into a joke with random nonsense chapters, LOL. One must know when to end things.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this fic. I really enjoyed the creative process of this one, it really made me think.

As always, let me know your thoughts!

Writing "For the love of ShizNat"