"In union, there is strength."
-Aesop
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Of Impulse and Fey
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The three of us progressed slowly the next few weeks. Natsuki and Reito working together to sift through the limited backup files left me and my unborn child to ourselves. I slept for the most part. It seemed that all the hard days were behind me, thank goodness. At times, there was minor discomfort, but nothing near to the caliber as before. The alien ice queen informed me that this was most unusual, but shouldn't be the cause of any alarm since the baby and I seemed lively enough. When I had enough energy to pull through a warm, hazy afternoon, I walked out to the back porch and read, reading a loud so that my baby could take the journeys with me. With the wide variety of books I had shelved in my personal library, of course I bypassed core literary classics and went straight into my favorite fictions. We aided the greatest detective of fictional history, Sherlock Holmes and his trusty sidekick, John Watson, on their interesting cases all throughout London. We tumbled through the looking glass together to search with Alice for the white rabbit. We waded our way through the bloody tales from the Brothers Grimm. Oh, we were having such a blast.
"It's too bad that we can't name you yet," I said a bit glumly. Natsuki and Reito both agreed against going to the hospital. They both had the fear that not only would I be discovered pregnant out of wedlock-which is the very least of my worries, thank you-but I would have a bit of trouble explaining how I've only been a few weeks in and the baby is somehow near the middle of the second trimester. Of course, the doctors nor the nurses would be the wiser if we just fibbed, but then realizing I had about another month left to go until show time…yeah, that would have been very hard to explain. "Besides," Reito said once while shuffling through merger papers, "with how Natsuki and I are faring in our search. The Queen most likely knows of your condition and would most likely be taken with the idea of disposing you as well." Well, isn't that a surefire way to end my bitching, I thought.
"Ah well, I can't complain, can I? As long as you're safe and healthy," I said patting my swollen belly contentedly. "Oh-!" I yelped as my companion kicked hard in response. Beneath the sudden movement, my stomach growled something fierce. "Okay, okay, I get the message," I giggled, "let's go find something to eat." Walking straight to the kitchen, I grabbed for what I was craving the most right now, carrots with peanut butter and sauerkraut, nothing too outlandish in my opinion. As I reached for the jar of sauerkraut, Natsuki and Reito emerged from the shadows of the study where they had been pouring over the same material that seemingly went nowhere. They looked like zombies. My heart pulled sympathetically at the bags under their eyes, but I knew better than to suggest that they should take the rest of the day off. This was too close to the both of them. On one hand, it was a challenge, a gauntlet dropped against stubborn pride. On the other, it was personal, vengeance for the people she loved. I quietly sighed and returned to assembling my food wishing there was something I could do to help. "Shizuru, that looks awful," Reito deadpanned as he slumped into a chair along the island in the kitchen. "There's nothing I can do about it, I'm eating what makes me hurt less," I responded, adding a dash more sauerkraut in childish spite. Apparently, I help as comedic relief. Natsuki said nothing, and slumped her body into the seat nearest me. My hand itched to reach out to her, but I thought against it. Even with all that has happened between us, I still had no real- tangible- idea of where I stood with her. It was easy to see that she had begun to trust Reito and me more, appreciative of Reito's help and my child bearing, but nothing more than that.
That was quite an unfair explanation though. Reito filled me in on the details I missed when I slipped into the throws of sleep the other night. Natsuki saw us as friends. Crunching on my slathered carrot, I pointedly ignored the quick pang of hurt I felt when I realized that that was all I was to her. It isn't that I'm not happy that we were finally seen as allies, but…well, I suppose it doesn't matter what I think anyway, nothing would change by simply wishing for it. Sighing through my nose, I finished my impromptu meal and patted my belly softly. "There, happy?" I asked the baby, receiving a punch in response, "Oof-!" Natsuki wearily lifted her arms and reached for me, holding me close to rest her head on my belly. "Don't give your mother a hard time, she's suffered much because of you already," she told the baby in a stern yet gentle voice. I felt the blush creep along my cheeks, thankful that she couldn't see it. My heart leapt and soared at the attention, and the small glimmer of hope that perhaps I was wrong about where I stood with her after all burned like a beacon.
She hadn't let me go, so I began to card my fingers through her hair as I wanted to before. Natsuki groaned in a decidedly appreciative manner and nuzzled further into my belly. "I suppose we should take a break. I promised Chikako that I would spend some time with her anyway," Reito said stretching to stand. "I'll take tonight and tomorrow off. So, at least make sure you're both fed something…edible." I stuck my tongue out playfully and listened to him leave for the next several minutes. "Hey," I nudged the blunette, "why don't we go to bed?" Nodding, we trudged our way up the stairs and snuggled in bed. I contented myself listening to her breathing become even and long. She had a rough week to be sure, but I couldn't help the warmth flush through my body. So, this is love.
…
Natsuki was still asleep by the next morning. The baby pressed roughly against my bladder and I dutifully got up to pee. Once finished, I decided that crawling back into bed may disturb her slumber, and feeling quite awake, I thought to take an early morning walk. As much as I enjoyed lazing about, I also missed being able to have time with my naginata. Unfortunately, with the size of my belly now, I wouldn't be able to safely maneuver my beautiful weapon. "A walk will have to do," I muttered to myself as I changed into comfortable maternity clothing. "I look gigantic and absolutely hideous. Oh how I loathe you damn elastic, if only you weren't so bloody comfortable!" I thought with much disdain. Reito did the shopping himself, and although the clothes weren't ugly per say, because surely they were tasteful, I just didn't like pregnant women clothes in general. This most likely due to my love of lingerie and the thought of what my body will look like post-pregnancy is something I didn't want to actively think about. As I bent over to reach an ancient pair of sneakers I had Reito rummage from the depths of my closet, I felt silk tickle my mind. "You look just as beautiful as when I first laid eyes on you tonzae," I felt her say. Sitting up quickly, I saw Natsuki gazing at me from the bed. My face heated and I moved to shove my swollen feet into their respective shoe.
"Yes, well, I suppose I should work on my telepathy thing more. I'm going out for a walk. Seeing as how tired you are, I didn't want to disturb you in bed. Are you going to want breakfast before I go?" It was minute, but her face scrunched up when I mentioned the thought of my making breakfast. "Hey, I made you that brilliant chocolate raspberry cake before, didn't I? You can't say I don't know how to cook." Natsuki merely smiled in response before peeling back the covers of the duvet. "Breakfast sounds wonderful."
…
In the kitchen, I prepared an American Southwestern omelet for her hearty appetite and Nutella crepe for me. (I was surprised at how tame this craving was, but Natsuki found that egg and chocolate was a revolting combination.) We ate in companionable silence. I finished first and as I put the plates in the sink, I saw a car similar to mine cruise passed the house through the window. "Natsuki," I turned to lean against the counter, "how did you end up in Jack's shop anyway?" Natsuki looked up from her omelet in surprise and I watched her lips pull upwards into another smile. "I catch the Queen's scent easier in canine form and was searching for her quite actively at the time. As I was searching, I had no idea that humans were partial to capturing 'stray' animals, and thus was caught and placed in something called a 'dog pound'. Oh the noise was sucked to be sure," she rubbed her ears absently before continuing. "Anyway, Juliard- the original shop owner- came by the pound for a new pet and thought I would be a wondrous companion. I was already angry at losing progress in my search that I snapped at everyone and everything that came my way. Juliard was no different. Still, he managed to force me into another crate to take me to the shop. Weeks passed by and I resigned to my fate, playing with the puppies and keeping the older dogs company. They taught me how to be patient again."
She pushed her plate away in favor of leaning her arms onto the counter. I watched her eyes wander far into the past and remembered that feeling of being watched. It seemed so long ago now that I first felt those eerie eyes land on me. "Juliard lost his mother in a foreign land not too long afterward and in a rash decision to remain at his mother's estate he sold the shop to Jack. By then I had calmed some, but didn't let Jack have his merry way either. It wasn't until I saw how hard he worked to keep us comfortable that I decided to help him in all I could. I managed to convince all the animals to look out for him. And when he brought his family into the shop, well," she came back to the present to send another smirk my way, "I told you my weakness for children." Recalling my last conversation with Jack about Natsuki being something called "the fey" I giggled. Oh Jack, I thought to myself, if only you knew just how right you were. A pleasant quiet fell between us, but I felt that the spell to ask all of my questions had not yet broke. So to keep the conversation going I asked, "How did you find me in the car on my way home?" The blunette spoke around a mouthful of flavorful egg, "I didn't do it intentionally. It must have been the mark." Bringing my attention to the mark of the sinning tree, I rubbed just under my breast where my invisible mark was. It probably acts a homing device as well. That's good to know. Allowing Natsuki the pleasure of finishing up her meal I let my eyes wander about the kitchen. I caught sight of where my fire extinguisher used to reside. "Natsuki," I began, unsure if my spell had finally broken, "what happened that night?"
"Hm?"
"What happened the night you came home wounded?"
She set her glass of water down after taking a long sip to stall. Another minute ticked by as she took the last bite of her meal and chewed it thoroughly. "Um, never mind," I said, back pedaling to the front door, "I'll go take my walk now. I shouldn't be too long." I turned to hurry out the kitchen when a cool hand gripped my wrist. "Stay," she said. Once my ice queen was satisfied in knowing I wouldn't run anymore, she placed her dishes in the sink and led me to the living room. "It isn't that I don't want to tell you," the blunette started, "I want to show you. To exercise your 'telepathy thing'." Her mouth quirked up into a grin and I couldn't help but mirror the gesture. "Still, as much as I want to do that, I am not sure that your condition can allow something of this intensity."
I spared a glance at my swollen belly, and though I wanted to think rationally, the prospect of learning new things excited me a bit too strongly. "Well, how 'intense' is intense?" I ventured. Natsuki sighed, shook her head good naturedly, and placed her forehead atop mine. "You are too curious for your own good." I had enough sense to at least offer a sheepish smile. "I'll do my best to take this slow, you can stop at any time by simply imagining closing a steel door. But first, let us take a seat. You need to be completely comfortable and relaxed, otherwise it will hurt more than it should."
"Sounds like what they said when I was losing my virginity."
I meant to make a joke out of this, but I could feel her jealousy slip past her mental guard and jolt quickly into my body. After a tense millisecond, we made our way to the plush loveseat in the living room. She was very careful not to look at me and I wanted desperately to apologize, but didn't know how. Even though I regretted my words when they came out, I can't help my satirical humor. "I'm sorry," I muttered. It may not have been the best way to apologize, but straight out saying it seemed best. We sat there for two whole minutes with my last words hanging in the air. I know that it was two exact minutes because I was facing my grand clock. Finally, when the whole experiment looked like a loss, she gently grasped my hands and rubbed firmly across my knuckles. "I-I'm sorry too," she stuttered out. It wasn't until then that I noticed the blush adorning her cheeks. "I strongly hold onto the concept of human monogamy. It's not- it wasn't- a normal practice of my kind. I was in an earthling sociology class when I first heard about it and realized that that is how I wanted my first relationship to be like." If I hadn't felt so guilty before, I sure felt it now. Not only did I ruin her concept of pure love with our sex before marriage, I joked about the loss of my virginity with a person that wasn't her! The thought of all my previous distractions had never been so uninviting before. "I've been told that I romanticize silly things," Natsuki stated hurriedly, "please forget it."
"No, no it's alright. That's what a pure relationship should be like. I'm sorry that it didn't turn out that way for you. It's not your fault you ended up with me."
"I don't regret anything concerning you."
The response was so fast, so genuine, I nearly accepted it for what it was. There was no way that I, Shizuru Viola, had a long-term partner. A partner that was actually admitting to being a long-term partner in a vague way, there wasn't any way. After all the sins I unknowingly committed against her, this person I cared for with all my being, she cared for me too? I stared at her dumbfounded, "What?" Her dazzling grin grew tenfold. Opening her hands she said, "Let me show you." A very famous French psycho-analyst named Jacques Lacan argued that language, the act of speaking itself, hinders human relationships and self-development. He basically said that we could not express what we truly want to express because true feelings are so pure and complicated that no words can give them justice. He was very right. From the moment I laid my hands flush against hers, my world tilted sideways. My heart fluttered, my stomach buzzed and clenched, my head went light and somehow I knew that this was how she feels when she sees me. When I am near her. When she knows that I'm alright. When she sees the baby grow ginormous day by day. Natsuki was letting me feel the intensity of what is love. It was…wow. (See? Words can do no justice.)
Suddenly my vision cleared and I was staring at the clock once again gasping for air. It read 6:31pm. Wasn't it a quarter to twelve the last time I checked? "Yes," she said "when you first start synchronizing with your partner time runs away until you get the hang of it. It takes a long time to 'load' into your system so to speak. You might feel a little tired too."
"Well I hadn't felt it 'til you mentioned it. And you're spending way too much time with Reito if you using basic computer talk." I grumbled feeling my eyes grow heavy. Natsuki chuckled and gathered me close into her chest. I fought to stay awake, I fought really hard, but the feeling of being held by my…partner felt so nice I couldn't.
…
Natsuki held her there until she saw the lights of Reito's car flash along the front of the house signaling his return. The blunette simply scooped her up and took her to their bed. The added weight of the baby made going up the stairs a little difficult, but not by much, not enough to pitch them down the stairs anyway. Removing Shizuru's shoes and tucking themselves in, Natsuki heard Reito bustle quietly about the house before hearing his door click close. Shizuru had made sure to clean up the kitchen before his arrival. When Natsuki asked about why this was since it was his job she replied, "Just because it's someone's job to do something doesn't mean you have to make it harder on them." Her little human always piqued her interest, and this endearing fact of her innate compassion was no different. Natsuki stroked her hair, caressing her. Natsuki wasn't sure if she was going to tell Shizuru that because she was still new to mind melding that she completely left herself bare to Natsuki. All that she felt, saw, heard, tasted, memories not quiet locked away, Natsuki endured it all. Her human was more fragile than she let on. This fact only left Natsuki's desire to protect her and their child all the more fierce.
…
The house was in shambles. Torn and shattered from multiple fits of rage, Tomoe was forced to lay on the pool table for rest. All of her hard work in decryption wasted, her pet in the hands of her enemy, and worse, pregnant with an idiotic little beast, oh, she would not take this laying down. She refused. Her fisted hand bashed against the green velvet underneath her and felt the wood crack dangerously before she checked her temper. Taking a semi cleansing breath, Tomoe sat up and yanked at the annoying dangling light fixture above her. She may have lost this battle, but she would not lose war.
A/N: Hey! Long time no-Oof-!...Yeah I kinda deserved that. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! I know it took way longer than it should have to put it up and I apologize for that. I will do my best to build a pace again. By the way, if you do end up looking up Jacques Lacan, I suggest you don't. Unless you love being depressed. I used a piece of his work to sum up what I wanted to say in the story, but it's sort of used out of context. He's a great psycho-analyst and his articles were very thought-provoking, but really, REALLY, sad. Anyway, I wish you all the best. Until the next chapter. (P.S. Thank you everyone who told me I left my code showing! Omistars how embarrassing was that /)