Chapter 30
Hermione was running late; well as late as one could be when heading to the library. It honestly wasn't her fault; she had been trying to leave when she had been bombarded by others asking her for something or the other, whether it be looking over their classwork, or helping them learn one of the spells they hadn't been able to master in class.
She sighed; she was fine with helping people but sometimes she just wished she'd be able to say no if she had other things she needed to do. It seemed as if people always expected her to have free time to help them with whatever they'd need since she was so "clever". Didn't they know that cleverness only got one so far in life? She had to put in work to stay ahead in her classes. How else would she know what the professors were asking for in lessons?
She moved through the corridors as she approached the library. She fixed her hair slightly, which had become rather frazzled throughout the day due to the stress she had been facing. She entered, and moved through the stacks to the back where her spot was, unsure of whether Draco would be there or not. He hadn't been coming to the library over the last few days, and had been ignoring her in their lessons. It wasn't as if she expected him to acknowledge her outright, but usually he would catch her eye when no one was watching.
But even that was gone now. Now, he was just pretending not to give her the time of day; as if he didn't even know who she was. And it hurt, especially since she knew he loved her. Was this meant to be their lives until the war ended? Ignoring each other and pretending they didn't feel as strongly for one another as they did?
No, she refused. He could avoid her in public all he wanted to keep up appearances, but he would not full on ignore her without telling her why, or what was going on.
She knew, because of Harry's endless obsession that he had taken to spending time in the Room of Requirements, partaking in something or the other. She also knew two girls were often outside the room at the same time that Draco was in there. It didn't take long to figure out that Draco had stuck them there, as a sort of guard to warn him that others were around. And either the girls were younger years, which Hermione had checked at meal times and during her prefect duties that they weren't, or they were people Draco convinced to use the Polyjuice potion to pretend to be someone else. It also didn't take much to nick the Marauder's Map from Harry to confirm her hypothesis that they were indeed Crabbe and Goyle under the influence of Polyjuice potion.
It made her feel less guilty when she stunned them in the hall, and moved their bodies to a side corridor while they remained unconscious. She stood outside the room, pacing.
"I need a place where I can go to be alone," she thought to herself, repeatedly, but nothing happened.
"I need a place where no one can enter but me. A place where I can work undisturbed," she thought again.
"I need a room where I can hide," she thought again, "A room where I can hide something that no one will find."
To her surprise, a door appeared then, and she took a deep breath as she opened the door slightly.
"I thought I told you oafs never to open the room when I'm in here," she heard a familiar voice call out, "Or are you too dense to understand simple instructions now?"
He came around the corner, behind a pile of objects, and froze when he saw her.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, giving her a cool look.
"You've been avoiding me," she said, suddenly feeling nervous due to his demeanour.
"Got the hint, did you?" he said, appraising her, "I was worried I would need to spell it out for you."
"Spell what out?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her, trying to keep calm.
"That I don't want anything to do with you, Granger. You were a nice fling while it lasted, but how long did you think we would be doing this for? You couldn't possibly have believed that we were meant to last for the long run, did you?"
She felt her eyes burn just then, wondering what had changed, but she held her head up high. She though she saw a flash of sadness in his eyes, and in that moment she understood. He was doing this to protect her, in his own way. Pushing her away because whatever task he had hanging over his head was coming to pass. He was trying to keep her safe from it all. Why else would he be in this room, out of all places? Why else would he look like he hadn't slept in weeks?
"So that's it then," she surmised tilting her head at him, "All your pretty words were just that; words. You never wanted anything more from me."
"Other than the homework help, no," he said, giving her a cool gaze. She wondered if this needed to play out a certain way, in the chance that someone looked at his memories. She was already upset enough, and if was a show he wanted, it would be a show he got.
"You're an arse, Malfoy," she spat out at him, "Had me going and everything. I thought you were different, but you're just the same as the lot of them, aren't you. Just wanting to use me to help further yourself along. Fine, I'm glad it's over. And to think, I loved you."
She turned to leave, before turning back to him, "One last thing," she said, keeping her voice steady. "Avis," she summoned a flock of birds. He looked confused, but the glare in her eye should have given it away. "Oppugno," she said firmly. And the flock began to attack him. But she didn't stay to watch. Instead, she walked briskly out of the room, and once the door closed, she ran straight up to the Astronomy tower, before sitting on the stairs, and holding her knees to her chest. She wept then, crying for the relationship that had just ended. Crying because it meant the war was upon them, and that the safety of the castle would soon fall. Crying because she loved him, and knew that while he was trying to protect her, her heart was broken in the process. It didn't make it any easier knowing he would be surrounded by people who would kill him if they knew that he loved her.
She sobbed uncontrollably, wondering if things would ever go back to being as simple as they were before.
Hermione sat up in the hospital bed; it had been nearly a week since she had been kidnapped, and a few days since Astoria Greengrass had poisoned her.
It still hurt to think about, but she no longer cried at the thought of not having children any more. There was a pang in her chest at the thought, however, and she wondered if the sadness that plagued her would ever go away.
It also had been a few days since she had talked to Draco, and she knew she shouldn't push him away any longer. They needed to eventually talk about what had happened, and what it meant for them and their future. So she had asked Harry if he could ask Draco to drop by.
He had agreed to it, and Draco had agreed to come by less than an hour after her request being made. And now, he stood at the door way, looking at her with eyes filled with sadness.
"Hermione," he breathed, as she saw him take in her appearance. He moved toward her, before kissing her forehead and sitting down on the chair beside her. "How are you feeling?"
"Better, mostly," she said, looking at him, "I'm in less pain now."
"I'm glad," he squeezed her hand softly.
There was a pause for a moment, where they were both unsure of what to say.
"I would understand if you didn't want to be with me anymore," he told her softly, "My family has taken so much from you. My Aunt tortured you, nearly making you bleed out in front of me. My father and Uncle tortured you, nearly killing you to bring back my Aunt. Astoria poisoned you, in an attempt to get you out of my life. So after all of this, I don't blame you if you want nothing to do with me any longer. You have a daughter to think about, and you cannot constantly be worrying that her life is at risk because of me. You deserve better than that."
"I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me," she said in a hollow voice. "Because I'm broken and can't give you the family you always wanted. You always said you'd want a lot of kids, and I can't give you that anymore."
Her eyes filled up with tears, and he looked at her, taking her hand in his, "Hermione, I've loved you since we were sixteen. Nothing could get me to stop loving you, not when you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Not when you came into my life at a time when I had no one in my life I could trust or talk to. You showed me that I could be more than the person my father wanted me to be, that I could be my own person and be better. You've given me everything. And I'm so furious with Astoria for hurting you, and for taking your ability to have children away from you because of her own greed and selfishness. But it does not change the fact that I love you and want to spend the rest of my life by your side."
He moved to sit beside her and placed an arm around her gently, and she leaned into him, taking comfort in his embrace. He always had a way of making her feel safe and at peace when he was around, and it was what she needed now; to have him be with her through this.
"What about five years from now when you want more than one kid? What happens then?" she asked, looking down, "What happens when we're no longer enough."
"That would never happen," he said firmly. "You and Rose are my world, Hermione. I might not be her actual father, but I love her, and the two of you are more than enough for me. Even if it's just the three of us for the rest our lives, I wouldn't be unhappy. You both are my family, and you are far more than I deserve."
"You need an heir," she reminded him, "To the Malfoy estate and titles."
"I'd give it all to Rose," he said firmly. "I was planning on arranging in the future for you both to inherit everything if something were to happen to me."
She looked at him in surprise; she knew he loved her, and wanted to marry her one day, but she had no idea that he had was arranging his affairs to include the two of them in his will.
"You'd do all of this for us?" she asked, a little dazed, as she looked into his eyes searchingly.
"I would," he smiled, as he cupped her face with his free hand. "You mean the world to me, Hermione, and nothing would ever change that."
She was silent for a moment, as her fears began to quell.
"I wanted more children," she said softly, opening up to him about her feelings for the first time since she had been poisoned. "I wanted Rose to have siblings, and now that's not possible. And it breaks my heart, Draco," she said, laying her head on his chest.
He wrapped both arms around her, "I know," he kissed her head. "But it's not the end of that dream, Hermione. We can adopt kids, if you'd like. We could have as many as you'd like, and then Rose would have a lot of siblings to play with. Salazar knows there are so many orphaned children out there because of the war. It's not uncommon for magical families who cannot have their own children for whatever reason to use a blood adoption ritual so that the children would be recognized as their own in the eyes of magic."
She smiled softly at him, imagining having a house full of children with him, running around and filled with laughter. "Five or six?" she asked him curiously.
"Well someone's got to give the Weasley family a run for their money," he scoffed, "Merlin knows there are enough of them. It's time the Malfoy family caught up, don't you think."
She laughed, but sombered up slightly, "And you would want this? To adopt a bunch of children because I can't have my own? You wouldn't just do it because I wanted to?"
"I would do anything that would make you happy," he told her seriously, "But in this case, I also would want the children as well. If you decided you didn't want it, and just wanted to have Rose, then I would be fine with that though. However I would be elated to adopt a bunch of children with you, as it would mean that we could have a full house and lots of love and joy. I'd want that with you, Hermione."
She leaned up and kissed him gently, "I love you," she told him softly. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I should have trusted that you wouldn't leave me because of this. I should have had more faith in you and in us."
"You were scared and hurting," he told her softly. "You've had a hard week, Hermione. You were tortured, nearly killed, and then when you escaped that, you were poisoned. Yes, I wish that you didn't push me away, but I'd never hold that against you not when I know how much you had been hurt. I'll always be here for you, regardless of what happens. And if you find that you need space from time to time to process things, then I will respect that and give it to you."
"I met your mother," she told him, and he looked a little startled at that.
"She came by?" he asked her, sounding surprised. "She didn't mention that to me."
"She wanted to talk," Hermione said, "She made me feel better about everything that had happened, and helped me process it. You're really lucky to have her in your life."
He nodded in understanding, knowing just what the two of them would have related about. "I'm glad," he said softly, and she knew he must have been relieved that it had gone well between the two of them. Aside for her and Rose, she knew he cared about his Mother more than anything.
She leaned into him, as he held her tighter. The world had thrown so many twists and turns their way, but she knew that she and Draco were only stronger for it, and that nothing could truly keep them apart.
Hermione sat in the Leaky Cauldron nervously, as she waited for Neville to join her, unsure of what she was about to do.
"Hermione," he greeted her, with a smile, "I'm glad you've been doing better."
She'd been discharged from the hospital a few days ago, and she was so relieved to be out of that place. She was still staying with Harry and Ginny for now, as they insisted that it was better she stay with someone in the chance that something happened to her.
"How have you been doing?" she asked him curiously. She knew he was working at Hogwarts now, and that he and Hannah were planning on getting married sometime later in the year.
"Good," he smiled warmly, "I never would have thought in school that I would have enjoyed teaching, but I've found it to be extremely rewarding."
"You always were really good with plants," she grinned.
"So why did you want to meet up?" he asked her softly, "Not that I don't like to see you. I just thought that you'd have other priorities at the moment."
"I wanted to talk to you about something personal," she said softly. "About your parents actually."
He frowned a little bit, unsure of where she was going with this.
"When I was admitted, I was given the option to undergo a therapeutic sort of healing to deal with the after effects of the cruciatus curse. Part of it involved numbing the memory of the torture so that I wouldn't feel the pain as much, and wouldn't have the episodes that are common after being tortured. I don't have as many nightmares any more about it, and it's been helping me move forward."
He nodded at her, for her to continue.
"I checked with the Healer, and the treatment is not available to patients who have been driven to a shell state by the curse, such as your parents, as it has been ruled unconventional to preform oblivating spells on patients who are unable to consent to the procedure."
"I know," he said softly, "I asked them about it when I heard about the procedure. I wanted to know if they would be able to do the procedure for my parents, but they said they couldn't."
"I wanted to talk to you first, Neville, to get your opinion. I want to go to Wizengamot to appeal to get the process changed. For other procedures, such as magical surgeries, guardians of the patient can give their consent to have it happen. I want the same sort of thing to be available to patients like your parents. So that you or your grandmother can consent on their behalf. But I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be stepping on any toes if I went forward with this," she said, slowly.
He pulled her into a tight hug, and when they pulled apart, he nodded at her, "Hermione, I know that in many ways I'm lucky. Unlike Harry, my parents are still alive. But it doesn't stop me from wishing that I could have known them, as my parents, and not as patients. I wish I could have known who they were, and what they would have thought of me. And if you choose to go forward with this, I know you would have my grandmother and my support. And you would have the support of many other guardians."
She squeezed his hand lightly. "I'll make an appointment to present my case then to the Wizengamot."
They chatted for the rest of the hour, and when she stood to leave, she felt lighter than she had in the last little while, knowing she could help make a difference to so many families if she succeeded.