A Son of Ice and Fire

Chapter 7: Pains from the past

Snotlout

"Father, thank God you are home, you were starting to get me worried," I yelled, running towards him as he jumped off his ship. His matted black hair and beard dripping as he removed his horned helmet and strolled up to me. I kept running to him and hugged him tightly. His hands remained gripped tightly onto the horns of the helmet, his face, emotionless.

"I am a Jorgenson. I was born to sail the seas. You've grown weak boy. I raised you to be strong. A true Ironborn would never fear the open waters," he grunted, while breaking my hold and brushing me off to the side, "I've had seventeen years to make a man of you boy, I need you to be the man you were born to be, not this." His disapproving look was enough to send shivers down my spine, churning my insides. The shake of his head as he turned to walk away like a dagger to the heart.

"I wasn't born to be heir." I replied timidly

"No. No you weren't." He said coldly

"That's it. That's all you're going to say."

"What do you want me to say, boy. All those decades I spent building this house up, and all I have left to show for it is you."

"All you have left is me." I repeated angrily, "All my life I've been in their shadows. It is not my fault they are gone, that was your fault, not mine."

Father snapped around to face me, eyes full of fire and fury. He stood upright, looming over me. As the last of the men exited the boat and had walked far enough out of earshot, he broke the silence.

"HOW DARE YOU! YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE ..." He bellowed.

"HOW DARE I?" I yelled back, "You've treated me with disdain, with contempt, when I'll I've ever done is look up to you."

"Look what good that did you." He grunted, as he began to walk away.

"That night was the last time you were my father, but I will always be your son." He looked back at me now, his head slightly dipped. "When you realise that, you know where I am." With that I gave him a cold stare, pushing my way past him and storming off the dock up the rocks to the castle. I ran to the top and looked back down. He hadn't moved. His posture now crooked as he hunched over, the horns of his helmet digging into his hands, leaving a faint red tint to the rain water running over his hands. Then I saw it, the trickle down his left cheek as he steadied himself and stood up straight. That's just rain, surely, it's just the rain, but the closer I looked the more I couldn't convince myself that was true, father was crying, he was actually crying. I turned back and ran towards the castle, unsure what I had just seen, just glad he hadn't seen me see it.

As we sat down for dinner that evening, the mood was expectedly bitter. Mother, father, and I were already sat, but then Viggo made his way into the room a. sat down.

"How were the seas Lord Jorgenson, sure it was nothing you couldn't handle," Viggo grinned, a charming smile concealing the cunning in his eyes.

"The seas weren't the issue son, it was the pirates," Spitelout chuckled.

"Pirates, my lord, I would have love to have seen that."

"Maybe you will lad, I was actually thinking of inviting you on our next voyage."

"Really? I'd love that. I haven't been on the seas properly for years."

"I know it's been hard for you son, since you lost your family, but you will always have a place here."

"Thank you so much my lord, I hope I will never disappoint you." Viggo's smug smile beaming ever more. How could he have my father wrapped around his finger like this.

"Never Viggo, never." Spitelout gave a hearty laugh and patted Viggo on the shoulder.

That was the final straw, I coiled my hand into a fist and slammed it on the table and got up to leave. I've had enough of this.

"Son, where are you going?" Mother asked.

"I can't deal with this anymore, I can't deal with him." I grumbled

"What's wrong son? Aren't you happy your father is home? You've been on edge for days waiting for him to come back and now you're leaving already." Her soft tone was a nice change compared to the scathing tone of father.

"I can not live like this mother. I just can't." With that I shoved my chair in and stormed out of the room. Silence shrouded the hall, before the slamming of the door behind me broke it. A couple of deep breaths steadied my step, tears welling in my eyes. I'd only walked a few feet from the door, but it slammed open behind me and I felt the gust of wind blow past me.

"Son," father emerged from the door and closed it behind him, I just kept on walking, "Son."

"Son," I scoffed, "That's a first. I thought that word was specifically for you prize jewel sat in there."

"Viggo, this is about Viggo?" His surprised expression caught me off guard.

"No." I couldn't look him in the eyes, "Yes."

"What has he done?" Father asked

"It's not him, it's you. Viggo is smart, scheming, and sadistic and I see the way you look at him." I stopped looking down and stared him straight in the eyes, "Like he is everything I am not. I might as well have died with my brothers. Would have been easier for you, wouldn't it?" I saw the pain in his eyes, the hurt, I didn't care. I had suffered his contempt for too long, at least now he knew how I felt.

"Son, don't say that. NEVER say that."

"AND WHY NOT DAD, IT'S THE TRUTH. You were always there when I was young, but now you can hardly bare to look at me. Am I that much of a disappointment to you?"

"Son, listen to me. I'm sorry." Sorry. Did dad just actually tell me he's sorry. No, that can't have happened. I must be imagining this. "When your brother's died, I wasn't there. Every time I look at you, it reminds me of how I failed them. Now all I see is how I failed you. When I heard what happened to Viggo's family only three years after the horrors of ours, I had to make sure I protected him. Protected him as I should have done my sons." He knelt down, placing an arm on my shoulder, "I'm so sorry son, can you forgive me."

Was he really story, or is this a trick. A ploy. To mock me even further If I fall for this act.

"Why should I believe you? Why should I believe things will change?"

"I've already lost two sons, I can't lose you as well my boy." I heard the sorrow in his voice followed by a single tear, dripping down his cheek, "Can you forgive me son?"

I knew know this was no act. Can I forgive him? All I want to do is hate him, but I couldn't, not like this.

I reached forward and embraced him, his arms locking around my back squeezing me as if he would never let go. "Yes father, I forgive you. I forgive you."

It was a week later on, and I was sat on the dock outside the castle, staring out to sea. How I loved the sea as a boy, how I asked my father to take me with him. I was eight when I first feared the sea, feared the monsters riding the waves to come and destroy our home. Of course now I know they weren't monsters, but still, I could never love the sea again. It was only then I heard the sound of footprints, and then the feel of my father's hand on my shoulder,

"You all right son?"

"I will be father, but I have to know. Nine years ago, what happened? Please tell me. "

The pain on his face was evident. He sighed and then sat down on the edge of the dock beside me. He removed his helmet and placed it at his side then stared blankly out to sea.

"It was eight years after Robert's rebellion. Balon believed the realm hadn't recovered from the war and was weak. As I had the largest fleet of the Iron Islands, apart from the Greyjoy's of course, he sent me on a mission to Lannisport. I left here, saying goodbye to your mother and you and your brothers. It took time, but we reached the mainland and me and my crew lit the Lannister fleet ablaze before they even knew what was happening. Most of my men escaped, but I was captured while foolishly trying to save one of the men too stupid to get away in time. It took over a week, but I escaped, I stole a small fishing boat and sailed home as fast as I could. When I returned, what I saw. What there was left. Or wasn't. There were large holes in the outer walls, rubble from the broken towers scattered everywhere. The smell of fire as I stepped over tens and hundreds of bodies. I searched room by room for you. For your brothers and your mother. Then I found them. Pinned under a large slab of rock. I tried to move it, but it was no use. They were already gone. The stairs must have collapsed as they attempted to run away. My eldest two sons gone, and I couldn't do anything to save them. But I knew I had to leave them to find you, I knew where you ran you were scared. That was where I found you. Hiding and crying and I tried telling you everything would be all right. But it wasn't. It was never alright after that."

"I'm sorry dad, I never knew."

"It was my fault they're gone. I should've been here, should've protected them"

"You couldn't have known." I tried reassuring him, "it wasn't your fault."

"Ever since then I swore to protect you, to keep you safe."

"I'm not eight anymore father, you need to let me make my own choices. That next voyage you were on about going with Viggo. Let me come."

"But son…" He protested.

"Let me come father. I need to do this. You need to let me do this." I pleaded

"It's not safe on the seas. I can't keep you safe out there."

"We're Ironborn. The sea is where we are safest. I am a Jorgenson, I am your son. I belong on the seas."

Father just turned to me and smiled. He put his arm around my shoulder and we stared out to sea. Soon I will be back on the water. Soon I will be where I belong.