Hey guys, I'm really sorry for vanishing again. I really needed to re-set myself and catch up on some work, which all got further delayed by me getting ill last week. Hopefully now I can finally get back into my schedule. I'm feeling confident that I can, but I don't wanna jinx myself. I'm definitely gonna try though. I hope you're all okay and thank you so much for all of your amazing reviews! You guys are awesome!

Chapter 8: Inner Pandemonium

There was no way this was ever going to work. But Marinette was honestly desperate to try anything at this point. If completing all of her homework super early might help distract her chaotic mind, then so be it. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep last night, so there was also every chance that she would ruin all of her work and get bad grades on them. But no matter how much Marinette begged her mind to calm down and let her get some rest, it refused to listen.

Seeing Adrien coming to check on her had only now made everything worse.

Her heart felt like it was being split into two, both sides being yanked in the opposite direction as the two sides tried desperately to cling onto each other. She wasn't even sure what the two sides of her heart were being pulled towards. Right now, all that Marinette could focus on was just how painful it was. She had been tossing and turning all night because of that painful feeling in her chest. The rest of her body felt completely hollow, and Marinette had been beginning to worry that she would float out of her bed and into a stormy sky where there was no hope of rescue.

Everything felt like pure pandemonium. All of her feelings were being mixed up in a huge, unrecognisable concoction that was beginning to burn away her insides, the pain of it leaving her unable to even begin to try and focus on what was going on inside her mind. Her brain had transformed into a mushy mess that refused to allow Marinette one coherent thought.

The tiredness probably wasn't helping, but Marinette just also felt so lost and confused right now. She had hoped that maybe she would feel better today, but in all honesty, she felt much worse. She had longed for nothing more than to just lay in bed all day. Her eyes were dry and burning as they begged for sleep, her head was pounding, her heart was aching, and all Marinette wanted to do was bury herself away from the world, deep under her covers where it was soft and warm. She wanted to find a place where nobody could hurt her.

No such look though.

Not to mention, her parents would grow really worried and suspicious if she stayed in bed all day, especially since that really wasn't like her. Since it was Sunday, the bakery closed early, and her parents had taken the opportunity to enjoy some quality time together, and headed out to someplace that Marinette couldn't remember. She just about registered her mother telling her that they were going out and that was about it. Though she was kind of glad since she wanted nothing more than to be alone today. She didn't know if she could bring herself to face anyone.

The embarrassment was too much, and Marinette could feel her face heating up even though there wasn't anyone around. Her friends must be thinking about how silly and desperate she was. No doubt Nino and Alya pitied her. Adrien probably thought she was really weird, and Luka…Luka probably thought she was a massive dork. She wasn't sure if she could ever show her face in public again.

She just hoped that no one else in class found out, but no doubt they would. She began to feel sick at the mere thought of having to face everyone in school tomorrow. She felt sick at the thought of having to sit behind Adrien, staring at him all day and knowing that he could never be hers. She would have to watch as he headed off to his fencing class after school, knowing that Kagami was going to be there. Maybe he would even work up the courage to ask her out. The next time she saw Adrien, he and Kagami might be an item! Marinette just didn't know if she was ready to stomach that. She wanted to be happy for Adrien, she really did. But at the same time, it was hard to control the raging jealousy and anguish inside her. No matter how much she tried to keep it buried far, far down, it always sprung back up with even greater force than before.

She thought that Adrien didn't care about her. Yet he had shown up yesterday asking if she was okay. Marinette wasn't sure how much more confusion she could take. It wasn't fair. Why was the universe doing this to her? She had wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around Adrien and confess everything, but at the same time, she couldn't bear to be around him. It hurt too much.

"Marinette!" a high pitched voice snapped Marinette out of her deep thoughts before she gasped in surprise as she felt the tip of her pencil break under the weight she had been pressing down on it.

Pieces of graphite scattered across her books and papers, and she had almost dug a hole right through her chemistry homework. Marinette knew that if she ripped or damaged it anymore, then Ms. Mendeleive would probably have her head. Her desk was a mess and completely disorganised, and Marinette had no idea how long she had been lost in thought.

"Huh? What?" Marinette shook her head and looked around before her eyes finally landed on Tikki's concerned blue ones.

"I thought that you might be about to break a hole through the table," Tikki spoke quietly, talking to Marinette almost as if she was as fragile as the thinnest glass that might break with any sudden movement or noise.

"Oh." Marinette blinked before turning to glance back down at her work miserably.

"Marinette…" Tikki tried to say as carefully as possible before she sighed and flew in front of Marinette, sitting down on the largest pile of books. Her kwami was now eye level with her, though Marinette didn't know if she could bring herself to look at one of her dearest friends. She didn't want to talk about it. She wasn't in the mood for anybody's pity.

"I'm fine, Tikki," Marinette insisted.

"Your actions say otherwise though. I'm really worried about you," Tikki admitted, her voice soft and gentle.

"Well you don't need to be because I'm fine. I'm just tired." Marinette tried to force herself to concentrate on her work, but no matter how many times she read the same line of text, the words just weren't sinking in or registering with her.

"I'm not surprised with how little sleep you got last night," Tikki sighed out, "and even when you did fall asleep for a little a while, you were tossing and turning the entire time."

Marinette dropped her pencil, as well as her tough and defensive act. She pushed herself away from her desk slightly and slouched down, giving up trying to concentrate on her work. Even if she could, there was no way that Tikki was going to let this subject drop. She was touched that her kwami cared so much, but at the same time, Marinette just wanted to be left alone to wallow in her own misery. She wanted to embrace yet push Tikki away at the exact same time.

She was so…so…

"Oh, Tikki," Marinette began crying, "I'm so confused."

Marinette curled up into the tightest ball possible in the middle of her chair. She just wished that the world would swallow her up and then she would never have to face anything or anyone ever again. Maybe that would be for the best. Then maybe she would stop making things awkward for everyone. Adrien would never even know that she was missing, and he could happily get on with his life, marry Kagami, and have three kids, a dog and a hamster. That was a future that Marinette just obviously wasn't meant to have.

"Why are you confused?" Tikki asked gently, and Marinette could feel her small kwami curl up inside the nook between her neck and shoulder.

Tikki's presence and touch was incredibly warm and comforting. Marinette couldn't talk to anyone the way she could talk to Tikki. Her kwami knew everything about her, and she was the only creature that Marinette could bear her soul to. Her whole life had now turned into nothing but secrets and lies, but at the same time, she had gained such a wonderful and true friend in the form of Tikki.

"I was right about my bad feeling yesterday," Marinette struggled to speak as she sniffed and sobbed. "I was just deluding myself. Of course Adrien doesn't have feelings for me, and I've now embarrassed myself in front of everyone. I thought that he didn't care about me but…but…why did he visit me yesterday afternoon?"

"Oh Marinette, I'm sure that Adrien does care for you," Tikki tried to explain. "I think he cares about you a great deal, otherwise why would he have come to check on you yesterday?"

"That's what's confusing me so much! He came to see me…on his own…I…I just don't know what to think or what to do!" Marinette stuttered out before collapsing into a fresh round of tears.

"Well…I do think Adrien cares about you…but maybe…maybe not quite in the way that you really want to him to…" Tikki sounded really awkward and almost like she was trying to hold something back. "Though I must admit, I was quite shocked when he admitted that it was Kagami that he had feelings for. It doesn't really make much sense."

"Really? Why?" Marinette could feel herself getting her hopes up slightly as she attempted to dry her eyes.

Tikki was silent, and she could feel her kwami going rigid against her neck. Why was Tikki being so cagey all of a sudden? Was she hiding her true feelings and views from her? Marinette didn't like the sound of that. Maybe Tikki also thought that Marinette was desperate and deluded. She was just probably trying to find a way to word it so that she wouldn't hurt Marinette's feelings. But the meaning would be the same. Marinette had deluded herself. She had been desperate.

Maybe that's why Adrien always seemed so uncomfortable around her. Even yesterday, there was an awkward edge to his words and behaviour, though Marinette wasn't really sure why. But then again, why had he come to check on her? Was he just trying to be nice? That seemed highly likely, but that didn't really explain his odd behaviour.

Marinette quickly found herself giving up trying to find an explanation. What was the point? It wouldn't be an explanation that Marinette wanted to hear. It wouldn't change anything. She would still be heartbroken, and Adrien would still have feelings for Kagami. So what was the point in torturing herself? She should just learn to move on, and the first step in doing that was attempting to stop overly caring about Adrien's thoughts and feelings. He was now just a friend to her, and that was all he was ever going to be. So Marinette would need to learn to downgrade her feelings towards him.

Marinette felt like she was going to throw up again.

"Oh, it doesn't really matter," Tikki finally answered Marinette's question after what felt like an eternity. "It's just that, it really did sound like he was talking about you. Especially because of that poem."

Marinette sighed, pushing herself closer to her desk again before she picked up her pencil again in the hopes that she could distract herself again now that she had gotten most of her bottled up emotions out of her system. However, she now felt even more tired than she had done previously, and her eyes felt swollen and were stinging more than before. It felt like someone was punching the inside of her skull, trying to burst it open at the forehead, applying more and more pressure each time.

She just wished that she could stop thinking about it. She wished that she could be herself with someone else besides Tikki. She wished that she had someone else to talk to who wasn't judgemental or dismissive. As much as she loved her best friend, Alya, she could be dismissive of her feelings sometimes and offer advice that was easier said than done. Sometimes she just wished that she had a friend who would properly listen to her.

Letting out a huff of air, Marinette accidentally blew some of her loose papers all over the place. This only made her feel worse. She just wanted to throw herself to the floor, stare up at the ceiling and let out the loudest scream that she could muster up. But she knew that wouldn't solve anything. So with an annoyed sigh, Marinette bent down so that she could pick up the papers that had dropped onto the floor.

However, she soon froze when she caught sight of a small piece of paper that had been buried underneath the ones she had picked up. Already knowing what it was, Marinette nervously picked it up before sitting up again and staring down at the numbers. Seeing this again just confused her even more. It must have gotten mixed up with her homework when she had hastily picked everything up and dumped it on her desk.

She had been so tempted to call the number last night. She came so close to adding Luka into her contacts, but every time she tried, something kept stopping her. Something deep inside her kept telling her that she was betraying Adrien. But she wasn't. Was she? Adrien didn't have feelings for her, Luka didn't have feelings for her, and Marinette didn't have feelings for Luka. He was just a friend who offered her his number out of kindness.

So why still couldn't she bring herself to call him? The same thoughts as last night began swirling around inside Marinette's mind again.

No. She didn't want to inconvenience Luka. Besides, wouldn't it look weird if she called him literally the day after she had gotten her number? Luka had his own friends. He didn't need one of his little sister's friends hanging around him, boring him with her silly problems. But he had been so kind to her. And if he didn't want to risk any of that happening, why give her his number?

Marinette groaned, tightly clutching the piece of paper in her hands, half of her wanting to tear it up and the other half desperately wanting her to make that call. What would she even say though? It was all well and good wanting to call someone, but if she didn't know what to say, then she was just likely to creep Luka out even more than she probably had done.

"Is that Luka's number?" Tikki asked.

"No!" Marinette yelled defensively, immediately burying it under her work again. "It was just a piece of scrap paper."

She couldn't bring herself to look at Tikki, but she already knew that her kwami didn't buy her response for one second.

"It's alright, Marinette, you don't need to hide stuff out of embarrassment."

"Hiding stuff? I'm not hiding stuff. And I've got nothing to be embarrassed about either." Marinette could feel her cheeks flushing as she doodled around the outside of her worksheet, once again pressing down on the pencil unnecessarily hard.

"If you have feelings for this other boy, it's perfectly norm –"

Marinette quickly cut her kwami off, her face growing even hotter. "Feelings? Who said anything about feelings? Luka was just really kind to me and there for me when I needed him. He's a really good friend and that's it. There's nothing more between us."

Tikki narrowed her eyes. "Well either way, I advise you to tread carefully. You don't want to go rushing into anything, not with the way you're currently feeling."

"I'm fine, Tikki," Marinette sighed out, beginning to relax again at her kwami's concern. "You don't have to worry about me because I'm not going to do anything. For now, I just want to focus on myself, stay mostly locked in my room and away from everybody el –"

"Knock knock, it's Alya!" a voice shouted from behind Marinette's hatch door.

Marinette shrieked in surprise, and Tikki managed to hide just in time before Alya burst the door open, beaming up at her friend, her trusty phone in her hand like always. All Marinette could do was stare back in alarm and confusion, her heart beating a million miles per minute from the sudden shock.

"Wha…wha…how?" Marinette managed to squeak out in panic. She really hoped that Alya hadn't just heard her talking to Tikki, but she didn't look like someone who had just heard their best friend randomly talking when they should have been alone.

"I bumped into your parents on my way here and they gave me their extra keys and told me to just let myself in. I thought that it would be a nice surprise for you since you haven't returned any of my calls or messages." Alya frowned at her playfully.

Marinette sighed. "I'm sorry, I just…I don't really feel like talking to anyone today."

Alya gasped before engulfing Marinette in a huge hug. "We can't have that! We need the happy and positive Marinette back again! Hey, why don't we do something together to take your mind off things?"

"I'm not really in the mood," Marinette mumbled, awkwardly returning Alya's embrace as she began to feel like she was being suffocated.

Alya then finally turned serious as she finally pulled away and leaned against Marinette's desk. "I'm really sorry about what happened yesterday. If I had known…I…well…y'know."

"Yeah…"

"And listen," Alya spoke softly as she leaned down slightly to catch Marinette's eye, "people do care about you and love you. Even Adrien does too. I know things might feel like the end of the world right now, but you'll feel a lot better soon. You just need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep pressing forward. And in time, you might meet someone else nice who will return your feelings."

"Thanks, Alya," Marinette said as she could feel an actual small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Alya's words had helped her slightly, but still, nothing could get rid of the painful emptiness that she was now feeling inside. An Adrien shaped hole had been left in her heart, and no one would be able to re-fill it. She would be stuck with this pain forever.

Her eyes couldn't help but dart back to Luka's number still scrunched up in her right hand. Talking to him yesterday had been so freeing. She felt so comfortable around Luka, and she always felt like she could just be herself when she was with him. He never seemed to judge her, despite how many times she had made a fool of herself in front of him. He seemed to understand her more than anyone, translating her emotions into perfect melodies that Marinette could listen to all day long. His music was always so soothing and comforting, embedding itself deep into her soul and spreading heat throughout her entire body.

It wasn't long before Alya's eyes followed her gaze, and Marinette quickly looked away and tightened her grip on the small piece of paper. Now she'd done it.

"Is that what I think it is?" Alya narrowed her eyes suspiciously, a smirk forming on her face.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Marinette tried to lie.

"You little liar, that's Luka's number isn't it?"

"N-no."

Before Marinette could even react, Alya had lurched forward, making a grab for Marinette's clenched fist. Marinette gasped and fell backwards, the two of them beginning to wrestle each other on the floor. As Alya pinned her down and tried to reach for the paper, Marinette kept herself curled into a tight ball, keeping her fist pressed against her chest. She wouldn't release her grip no matter how much her best friend clawed at her hand.

However, Marinette soon froze before flinching in reflex as she began to feel a light sensation against her side. The giggles exploded from her mouth before she could register what was happening, and the tickling sensation only grew worse as Alya grew even more determined. One hand kept tickling her waist while one hand kept trying to reach for the paper. Marinette kept trying to push Alya's hands away, but doing so would mean loosening her grip on the paper. She was trapped.

"S-st-stop!" Marinette begged, tears forming in her eyes as she continued to laugh uncontrollably.

"Not until you surrender!" Alya proclaimed before making another grab for the paper.

Marinette's hand had loosened its grip without her even realising, and Alya seized her chance. She snatched the paper out of Marinette's hand before climbing off her friend and inspecting the numbers. Meanwhile, Marinette continued to lay on the floor in attempt to catch her breath. Why did Alya have to be so strong and know all of her weaknesses?

"A-ha!" Alya yelled. "Though may I ask why you are still staring at this number instead of using it to call him?"

"I can't just call him out of the blue!" Marinette shrieked, finally sitting up again.

"Ugh, duh! That's exactly what he gave you his number for!"

"Alya! No!" Marinette screamed and propelled herself upwards as she watched her best friend grab hold of her phone, easily unlock it and then dial in Luka's number.

Alya was able to easily hold Marinette back though, pressing the palm of her hand against Marinette's forehead while holding the phone to her ear. She then smirked and handed Marinette her phone back.

"It's calling," she giggled.

Marinette gulped, freezing in fear as she stared down at her phone like it was a bomb that was about to explode. Alya rolled her eyes before moving Marinette's arm up for her and pressed the phone against her ear. In that moment, Marinette felt like she had stopped breathing. The dial tone echoed around in her mind, and her heart stopped as a husky voice greeted her from the other end.

"Hello?"

Marinette remained silent, her words trapped in her throat.

"Hello?" Luka questioned again in confusion this time.

Marinette's eyes darted to Alya in panic, who merely made a hurry up motion with her hand. She gulped, the phone nearly slipping out of her grip from all of the sweat that had developed on the palm of her hand.

"Ummm…hi – errr – Luka. It's me," Marinette babbled.

Alya facepalmed.

Luka chuckled. "Hello, me."

Oh no! She was blowing it! She was being too weird.

Marinette forced a laugh. "M-Marinette."

Luka chuckled again. "I know. So what's up?"

"I…errr…I…" Marinette hopelessly stammered. Why on earth did Alya have to do this to her?!

Luka waited patiently on the other end.

"I…I was wondering…if…maybe…" Marinette squeaked out pathetically. "If maybe…you wanted to…I dunno…hang out?"

No! That sounded too weird and desperate!

"Maybe I could treat you to a…a milkshake. As…y'know…a thank you gesture for helping me out yesterday," Marinette finally offered.

Okay, hopefully that didn't sound too bad. Just two friends having a milkshake. But she still hoped that Luka wouldn't think she was being weird. Oh no…what if Luka didn't like milkshakes? What if he was a vegan and she had just been really insensitive? She should have offered to take him out for a smoothie instead!

"Yeah…I'd like that." Luka's voice was so happy and content sounding.

"Errrr, great!" Marinette could feel her cheeks turning pink, surprised that he seemed really happy at the idea. "H-how does tomorrow evening sound?"

"Sounds great. I'll pick you up at five?"

"Yeah…sure…" Marinette replied dreamily, suddenly feeling like she was floating on a soft cloud. She was barely even registering the sight of Alya beaming at her as her eyes became hooded, and her heart began beating rapidly in her chest, pumping a pleasant, tingly feeling around her body.

"See you then," Luka said happily.

"Yeah…" Marinette replied dreamily again as Luka hung up. "See you then."

However, it wasn't long before Alya started squealing, and Marinette's eyes snapped fully open, the realisation crashing down on her like a ton of bricks.

"What did I just do?"

Phew! I'm glad I finally feel like the story is moving forward. It wasn't supposed to take this long to set everything up; it was supposed to take two or three chapters at the most. Now here we are on chapter eight already. My stories have a tendency to explode if I'm not careful. But anyway, once again, I am sorry that this chapter took so long, but my update schedule should now definitely be getting back to normal, which means new updates every Monday. In the meantime, feel free to let me know what you thought of this chapter! I'll see you guys soon!