Author's Note:

Marinette's thoughts in Chapter 7 of Obsession.

Spiral

He lied to her.

He lied. He lied he lied he lied.

He knew all along. Somehow. He knew she was Ladybug, that's why he came to her. That's why he didn't mind getting pats from her. That's why he didn't care when she offered to tell him who she was.

He knew and he lied and she'd fallen for both sides of him and she didn't understand.

Her mind was in turmoil.

He hadn't meant to hurt her. He said that. When he said that, she believed him. It wasn't him. It was her. But it felt like it was him and now her mind, in its grief and confusion, was playing cruel tricks on her.

He lied.

No, he didn't.

He lied.

If he lied, why did he react that way when she'd forgotten herself and patted him as Ladybug?

He tricked you.

Why was he so concerned about her feelings? Why had he confessed that Ladybug had patted him? If he'd thought they were the same…

He's a deceiver. You'll never know if he loves you for you. Or because he's forced to by Ladybug.

That's not fair. Tikki says—

"I say what, Marinette?" Tikki asked, snuggled up in Marinette's neck. "Talk to me, my little bug."

Tears leaked from her eyes constantly and she no longer had the energy to wipe them away. Marinette curled into a ball in the corner of her bed, feeling the walls from both sides press against her and offer comfort. "It's the pheromones. It has to be. It was never me."

Tikki made a soothing sort of buzz. "I promise you; they don't work on him."

She didn't— couldn't— believe that. "Ladybugs of the past have had the mating pheromone. You told me that."

"I told you that to show you I can tell the difference between them. You were gifted with the 'safe and warmth' scent. Not the mating one. That one is very rare, and usually only happens with certain pairs."

"But—"

Tikki nuzzled. "Marinette, I wouldn't lie to you. Ours is a partnership based on trust and love. Yes, while Ladybug and Chat Noir are eternally tangled together, you get to choose how that relationship is. Friends, lovers, enemies. Plagg and I have seen them all, but we've always let our bugs and kits make their choices."

Marinette sighed, dejected.

"Plagg's female kits going into estrus is so much worse than a ladybug's mating call. At least with ours, we get to call a particular kind of partner."

Marinette hugged herself tighter. "Poor Chat."

Tikki snorted. "He's a boy cat, Marinette. He'll probably get in a predisposition to smooch more during spring."

That made her giggle, even if it was a sad and lonely splutter of laughter. "What do I do, Tikki?"

"You talk to him. You tell him who you are. You tell him why you're scared."

Marinette whimpered and curled up tighter. "I don't know how. What if he doesn't… what if… I ran away, Tikki. I ran and I'm scared of what this all means and what if he doesn't want me and what if he does? The pheromones are always going to be there, I'm always going to wonder if it's me or them, because I see it. It's everywhere."

"I know, little buglet," Tikki soothed. "I know it's hard, but you're the one who has to fix this. You asked him for time, he's given it to you. But you have to take that step. Decide if he's worth the risk."

Marinette swallowed.

"And write it all down," Tikki suggested. "That way… if you can't speak or fumble, you have something to fall back on."

Nodding, Marinette crawled toward her diary and opened it to a blank page.

TTTTT

XXXLadybugs have this scent… Natural Ladybugs… some breeds of Ladybugs… XXX

XXXYou know how you have this… need for pats and prone to cat at ridiculous times. Well… congratulations, you're not alone!XXX

XXXI need to bug you, furr-realXXX

XXXBirds and bees and…XXX

XXXPheromones. You're attracted to me 'cause I stink.XXX

XXXI ate those buttercups you gave me. Why? Bee-cause I'm a bug in the same way you're a cat.XXX

After crossing all that out, Marinette took a deep breath and tried again.

There are things about me that you don't know. Things I've been too scared to tell you. Things that if I don't, what we have will break and… you mean more to me than anything in this world and I can't let that break.

Chat, I'm so scared you only like me because my tendency compels you to.

I'm Ladybug.

TTTTT

Staring at the back of Adrien's head for hours on end, feeling the waves of misery rolling from him, and knowing that, even as he turned his head to talk to Nino, he couldn't bring himself to look at her, tore away at Marinette's confidence.

Stiff-backed. Tone harsh. Was she the only one who could hear it? Every word cut at her, sliced her up. Every noise he made, every second he didn't look at her, it tore her inside.

By the time the lunchtime bell sounded, she was an absolute wreck.

Words failed her. The speech she had prepared forgotten. Courage fled the classroom, following Alya and Nino on swift wings.

Adrien sat, staring straight ahead.

Marinette sat, staring at the back of his head. Maybe, if he turned around, she'd find the courage to speak.

He didn't, and she twisted her fingers, causing herself pain as she desperately tried to remember what she'd wanted to tell him. Her mouth opened and closed, but the words wouldn't come.

It was simple, wasn't it? She had a speech. She just needed to speak.

Please look at me. It'll be alright if you looked at me. I promise, I'll tell you everything, please just look at me.

Plagg peeked at her from Adrien's bag. He gestured, his face earnest, trying to give her the support she needed. Tikki too, her little paws on Marinette's arm.

All she had to tell him was that she was Ladybug. She was his lady and she was scared and…

Adrien's words echoed through her mind; Imagine if you were Ladybug too, everything would be perfect!

Marinette flinched.

Adrien's phone beeped and he moved toward it like a dying man desperate for water. He pushed away from the desk. "Well. Guess that answers that question."

No. No, he couldn't leave. She had to fix this. She had to stop him. As he neared the door, she blurted. "I don't know what to say."

He stopped and kept his back to her. "Saying nothing isn't the solution."

Why wouldn't he look at her? Please. She needed to know if he saw her, Marinette, or whether he saw Ladybug instead. "I practiced," she said, her voice no more than a whisper. "I practiced and I wrote it down and I can't remember any of it."

"There you are!" Chloé said, bursting through the door. "Come on, Adrien. I'm treating you to lunch. I've already cleared it with your driver." Chloé's eyes slid to Marinette and her smile went sinister. "We don't need to waste time on her."

Adrien agreed with an ease that tore Marinette's heart from her chest. "Yeah, okay."

The door clicked closed behind him and Marinette melted against the desk.

"Marinette?" Tikki asked, her voice soft.

"No," Marinette said, and bashed her head against the table as she tried to knock some sense into herself.

"Marinette?"

"Uh-ah. Nope. No. It's not going to end this way." She scrambled, snatching up her bag and her fabric and marched toward the door. "I'll tell him in front of Chloé if I have to."

Opening the door, Marinette came face-to-face with an akuma and all thought of confessing everything fled.

It took Marinette a heartbeat to determine what kind of akuma this was and another one to come up with a plan. Slamming the door shut, she yanked her cuddleskin from the bag.

"Marinette?" Tikki asked.

"After," Marinette promised, more sure of herself than ever before and spread the cuddleskin out on the closest table. Taking a deep breath, and hoping that the lucky charm would extend to fixing her fabric, she cut.

Chat Noir was going to come for her, because he was Chat Noir and no matter what was going on, he wouldn't be able to help himself.

What needed to be said would be said, after this was all over. Until then, she had a job to do.

Author's Note:

The XXX above are meant to indicate she's crossed it all out. Hard to show on FFNET.