EDITED 3/8/20

Chapter 9: Pulse

"Wake."

Marinette woke up in a sea of darkness.

She felt as though all of the life had been sucked out of her. Like her soul had been ripped from her chest, and all that remained in its place was a hollow, emptied space. She could feel the pressure of the water weighing her down, and even if Marinette did have the energy to swim, the heavy chains tethering her arms and legs prevented her from struggling.

When she opened her eyes, the world she observed was as pitch-black as the backs of her eyelids. It was deathly silent, so much so that she couldn't even hear her own breath. The feeling was frozen from her fingers and toes, and the rest of her skin had erupted in goosebumps. Everything around her was still, except when the occasional current rose and dragged through the water, swaying her body, but never quite setting her free.

Her first rational thought was that this was death. That this was where, now that her mortal body could no longer sustain life, she would be trapped for the rest of eternity. That a dark, cold ocean of isolation, the realm of the lifeless, was all she had left to call her home.

But, as it turned out, she wasn't completely alone.

There was a voice that suddenly cut through the darkness. It was a deep, entrancing murmur, but it felt as though someone was whispering right in her ear: "See."

Marinette's eyes flew open. Her eyes searched the darkness, looking for the voice's owner, but she never found it. However, this became the least of her worries once her mind was struck by waves of visions so vivid they almost felt real:

A crack of bright lightning splitting the dark, clouded sky—

Her foot splashing in a rain puddle, the water tinged red with blood—

A heavy, urgent pressure building up in her hands, before black ladybugs spill out of a dark glow on her gloved palms—

The screams of her countless victims subsiding to silence—

Familiar green eyes growing wide with paralytic fear—

She squeezed her eyes shut. 'No more,' she thought, begging for it to stop. Marinette mentally tried to shove the unwanted imagery back where it came from, but the visions never ceased, never even slowed. She tried to raise her hands to her head, hoping to shake the illusions from her mind, but the shackles on her arms didn't allow her to. She pulled and kicked and fought to set herself free, but the restraints never broke.

She was trapped in her own mind.

"Don't fight it," the voice laughed, his breathy chuckle sending chills up her spine. "This is your chance for justice."

'No no no no—'

"Ruin the city that has ruined you."

Marinette's struggling gradually grew less and less frantic. Her blood grew thick with emotional and physical fatigue, and her judgement clouded with lethargy. Eventually she fell still, and the tears in her eyes mixed with the murky water.

She bowed her head, and surrendered.

...

Tikki stayed curled up in Chat's pocket, right beside the miraculous box. She could feel him hustling around, his movements messy and jerking in an attempt to keep up with the manic akuma. She kept her eyes closed and her head pressed against his chest, unable to do anything except ride out the battle and hope for the best. The feeling of his rapidly beating heart did nothing to slow her figurative one.

It was times like this, when her heroes were in a bind so horrifyingly perilous that they got lost in their own fear, that she loathed being a kwami. Yes, Tikki was an all-powerful being that was able to create superheroes and save the world, but she was just so small. The most she could provide beyond superpowers was her millennia of acquired knowledge. Tikki couldn't give them an extra set of hands; only Fu had that kind of power to give.

She heard Chat shout and felt his voice rumble in his chest. Tikki curled up tighter when he slammed into the ground, accidentally squishing her between him and the pavement. He got up as soon as he fell, though, and she felt his palm press against the pocket, as if silently asking her if she was okay. Tikki only had a moment to press her hand to his palm in reassurance before Chat pulled away and resumed using both hands to fight.

Before, Tikki had had her suspicions about who Chat was behind the mask, as she always did whenever her Ladybug worked beside a new hero. At over five thousand years into the game, she'd gotten better at picking them out from the crowd, regardless of how every Chat Noir's personality varied, and every relationship between the heroes was different. It wasn't because of magic or the balance between the miraculous, per se, she had this way of just knowing; for example, whenever her previous Ladybug, Bridgette, interacted with her cold and oddly mysterious classmate Félix, it would always set off little alarms in her head. Not so surprisingly, everything fell into place when the heroes revealed themselves to each other years later.

With Adrien, her 'lucky feeling' (as Plagg liked to call it—Tikki was far more partial to 'kwami's intuition') didn't buzz quite as loudly as it did with the last Chat Noir, but she always left him open as a strong possibly. Although Ladybug and Chat Noir always had a way of being drawn to each other both in and outside the mask, it wasn't consistently in the form of a romantic attraction. She'd seen Ladybug and Chat become best friends outside the mask, and then fall in love with separate people. She'd seen them absolutely hate each other in civilian life, but work amazingly well together in hero form. She'd seen it the other way around. Sometimes they were related, cousins or siblings, even twins. And sometimes they didn't even know each other's names, but still admired each other from afar.

It was always different.

But she'd hoped this one was Adrien. The more she learned about the neglected boy, the more she realized how special he was. He was an outstanding, selfless friend with a good, all-loving heart, and Marinette loved him so dearly. And despite Chat Noir seeming a lot more outgoing than the humble boy, at the end of the day, it wasn't that hard to spot all of the personality parallels between them. As far as Tikki was concerned, no one better could've been chosen to be Ladybug's other half.

Tikki just resented that she had to find out like this.

While the lives of Ladybug and Chat's secret identities always tended to coincide with each other, other miraculous heroes—or, in this case, villains—tended to not be far behind. Like she said, she knew it was possible for miraculous holders to be related, but it just hadn't crossed her mind that Gabriel would do something like this. She'd thought his heart had gone cold from grief, and that any effort towards caring for his family had been redirected into running his company.

Then again, as Tikki had recurrently seen over the many, many, many years of her existence, it seemed some humans would do anything for love . . . apparently, even if it meant terrorizing an entire city just to bring their spouse back.

And . . . she supposed she understood that; whenever one of her Ladybugs' lives got taken from her before their time, she felt that, if she could, she would be willing to trade places with them in an instant. Even if it meant she only got to bring back that one life, out of the countless others she'd lost.

Nevertheless, just because she could understand his motives, it didn't mean she condoned his actions. Gabriel didn't have the right to abuse Nooroo's powers like that, even if it was to bring back his wife. Terrible things happened to the wrong people all the time, and while Tikki still wasn't exactly sure why it had to be that way, she did know that there was always a way to move forward. Perhaps it wouldn't be easy, but shouldn't the effort be worth it?

It broke her figurative heart to see a man with virtually everything—a famous name and brand for his dream profession, euros flowing into his pocket like water down a stream, a social, political, and economic standing that most people could only dream of achieving, and perhaps the best son any man could ask for—throw all of it away, just for a girl. How could Gabriel not see everything that was still right in front of him? At the very least, how could he not see Adrien?

Through the sadness and despair of it all, Tikki felt an onslaught of anger. She was angry at Gabriel for being so insufferably stupid, obtuse, and selfish. No single life was worth endangering the lives, safety, and sanities of others, especially when it was affecting a group of children the most. Especially when it directly affected the son of the very person he was trying to resurrect.

His son, for crying out loud.

Tikki glowered to herself. She had encountered countless enemies in the past, both with and without super abilities, and not a single one of them was easy to defeat. She would be fooling herself if she tried to pick out the most heinous one—although, there definitely were ones that far surpassed their predecessors—just like she would be fooling herself to pick out her favorite Ladybug. There was so much to take into account, and they all varied in every single way. If one lacked something in one skill, they somehow made up for it in another, and while this redeeming quality was great for strengthening heroes, it wasn't all that great when it strengthened their villains as well.

What Hawk Moth seemed to lack in common sense, he made up for in perseverance. In ambition. In violence. That combination of traits alone was a complete recipe for disaster.

And if the events of the past day had been any proof at all, Tikki knew that disaster had struck. On a nuclear scale.

Marinette and Adrien didn't deserve any of this. Marinette didn't deserve to get hurt, or have her identity revealed, or become akumatized. Adrien didn't deserve to feel so guilty, or have to fight his best friend, or discover his father's identity the way he did. Hell, even Alya and Nino, who were unfortunately dragged into this mess as well, definitely didn't deserve to meet that kind of fate, and neither did any of the other undetermined victims.

But it did happen, all of it, and it was still happening, and it would continue to happen for the foreseeable future.

As harrowing as it might've been to believe, this was not the first time a miraculous holder's identity had been unwittingly revealed to the public; in fact, it wasn't all that uncommon. Sometimes the hero or heroine even did it intentionally, when the circumstances were right. Most of the time, however, it happened by accident—or, worse, as a result of sabotage. And after years and years of witnessing the ranging reveal-induced turmoil that her Ladybugs and their fellow partners went through, Tikki understandably became extremely cautious about protecting the identities of the heroes that followed.

If only she could have done more to protect Marinette.

Tikki suddenly sensed herself dropping, indicating that Chat was jumping down from a high distance. When he hit solid ground, he ran a few more steps before he unzipped his pocket, silently permitting Tikki to come out.

The kwami slowly emerged from Chat's suit. She looked out sluggishly at the pounding rain, and she realized that they were sheltered underneath a canopy of trees. Chat was hiding behind one of the trunks, soaked to the bone from fighting in the rain. He was leaning back against the bark for support and breathing heavily with his eyes squeezed shut.

Before she could ask him if he was hurt, she heard his ring beep, and she saw that there was a single paw print left of his transformation. She heard him murmur "Claws off," and she shielded her eyes from the surge of green light that enveloped him. When the light faded, Adrien Agreste sat in his place, and Plagg landed in his cupped palms.

Adrien wordlessly reached into his sweatshirt and pulled out some camembert. He passed it to the kwami, who took it without so much as a grunt and scarfed down the whole thing. Tikki scrunched her face.

Once he was done, Plagg floated off of Adrien's hand, and for the first time, his green eyes locked with hers. There was a moment of jarring happiness and relief, as they normally felt whenever they reconnected after a long time. His normally sharp eyes melted in her gaze, and he looked like he had a million things he wanted to say to her, just as she did. Tikki floated up to his side, but they both turned their attention to Adrien, knowing now was not the time for a proper reunion. Still, Tikki discreetly slipped her hand into his, the first contact they'd made in decades upon decades.

Adrien finally opened his eyes. They were tired and red and leaking silent tears onto his cheeks. When he saw both kwamis staring at him worriedly, he turned his head to the side.

"I can't do this," he told them, his voice strained, as if it was painful for him to speak. "I—I can't fight her, I can't s-stand watching that—thing—control her—"

"Adrien," Plagg said, his voice uncharacteristically gentle, but it only seemed to bristle Adrien even more. He spoke carefully. "I need you to trust me, when I say everything is going to be okay."

The hero looked back at Plagg in disbelief, but instead of his voice sounding incredulous, it was only watery and trembling. "How can you even say that?" he asked, voice breaking. "My friends are dead, and it's all my fault. My father is my nemesis, and I somehow never noticed? Paris knows who Ladybug is, I didn't find her in time, and now she's akumatized, and now the city is getting eaten alive." He ran a hand through his hair. "Even if I somehow do defeat her . . ." Adrien choked. "Nothing is going to be 'okay.'"

Tikki let go of Plagg's hand, her figurative heart aching. She slowly went through his words in her head, seeing if there was some way she could console the poor boy.

"Civilian death by akuma is reversible," she began softly. "Even though they're . . . gone, given it's under five days or so, they'll come back once you use the Miraculous Cure." She reached up and wiped a falling tear from underneath his eye. "And, under the circumstances you were given, you made the right calls, Adrien. None of this is your fault."

"You can't blame yourself for not noticing Gabriel, either," Plagg added, his tone sympathetic. "I lived in the same house as you, was as close to him as you were, and I never suspected." The kwami's voice hardened. "He's a grown man who made an unforgivable and incredibly stupid decision. He's the only one at fault here."

Adrien looked down at his hands in his lap, seeming to contemplate their words. His wet locks drooped down his forehead and fell in his eyes, though he didn't seem to care. When he spoke at last, his voice was barely audible. "So . . ." he looked up from his hands, " . . . what do we do now?"

Plagg and Tikki shared a look. Tikki spoke forward hesitantly. "Well . . . the last time the Butterfly miraculous was abused, Plagg's Chui got akumatized. She was far more powerful than any akuma I've ever seen, and . . . she ended up destroying most of her island before Mende was able to put a stop to it." She looked to her partner for help. "But . . ."

". . . She didn't make it," Plagg finished quietly. "Mende . . . had to kill her, to release the akuma. And the cure doesn't work on the heroes."

Adrien's eyes widened in complete horror. "Is—is this supposed to make me feel better?"

"Neither of you are going to die," Tikki said firmly. Her blue eyes shimmered with determination. "Mende made a lot of mistakes. He didn't think sensibly before acting, and in the end he had to pay for it. Now we know, to fight an akuma like this, you have to take on a very careful approach."

"How?"

"Marinette's powers are, in part, a distraction. Hawk Moth is trying to keep you away so he can get your miraculous, without you being able to talk to her."

He stared at Tikki. "Talk to her," he repeated.

"Despite the catastrophic damage she's causing, the bond between Marinette and the akuma is much weaker than that of a civilian," Plagg began to explain. "Where an average person could never completely go against Hawk Moth's will, someone who's bonded to another miraculous can. It's not easy, but—"

"You can do it, Adrien," Tikki insisted, her voice ringing with wholehearted trust. "Coax her out of it. Remind her who she is. Once you can remove her from his influence, get the akuma."

The gears in Adrien's brain appeared to be turning, but he still seemed conflicted. "But, what about the akuma? How am I going to use the cure? I don't—"

Tikki darted into Adrien's pocket, and reemerged with the miraculous box in her grasp. She dropped the box in his hand. "You'll use this."

He looked down at the box, then looked up at the kwamis in confusion. "Is that even safe?"

"If it's only temporarily, yes," Plagg said. "You're just going to use it for the cure and the purification, and maybe Lucky Charm, if you must. Just don't use both miraculouses at the same time." Plagg mimed an explosion, as if to demonstrate the consequences of doing such, and Tikki rolled her eyes, and Adrien's lip twitched up for a second, and Tikki sensed something in the air that had been absent for far too long.

Adrien paused for a moment, before he opened the box and stared at the earrings. He still looked wary, but his tears had dried by now. Tikki could see a dose of hope slowly brightening his green eyes, which she took as a good sign.

And then he said, "But . . . my ears aren't pierced."

The kwamis shared another look.

Adrien didn't even have to ask what they were thinking. He gently pinched one of his virgin earlobes in reluctance, and sighed. "Just do it quickly."

Plagg and Tikki each grabbed their own earring. Tikki had done this a number of times before, and Plagg, who was sometimes present in those times to assist, was also fairly practiced. On the silent count of three, they simultaneously pricked the jewelry into his ears, and clipped them in place. Adrien inhaled sharply, and his eyes stung, but he didn't say anything.

When they began to back away from his ears, Adrien began to raise his hand to touch one, but Tikki swatted his hand down. "No, let them sit."

Adrien lowered his hand back into his lap. He looked around the trunk of the tree and stared out at the pouring rain. It was still coming down hard, but it seemed to have lightened up at least a little bit. He looked back at his kwamis, fear beginning to surface in his eyes once more. "I have to go find her."

"It's going to be okay," Plagg reiterated, stronger this time.

Tikki nodded in agreement. "You can do this," she encouraged.

After a silent moment, Adrien nodded slowly, as if willing himself to believe their words. He never responded verbally, but he clapped the miraculous box shut and stuffed it back in his pocket before slowly rising to his feet.

He turned to Tikki. "What's the phrase?" he asked.

"Say 'spots on' to transform, and 'spots off' to undo."

Adrien took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. He wrung out his hands, then clenched them into fists. In that instant, Tikki could see Chat's familiar zeal ignite in Adrien's eyes, significantly blending the two separate boys into one hero.

He was going to be okay—they all were.

(They had to be.)

With one last breath, he echoed, "Spots on."

...

...

Chui = Leopard and Mende = Beetle/Cockroach in Swahili. (They were in 14th-ish century Kilwa Kisiwani)

stay strong kids