I don't get it Duran. I don't really get what happened.

I know this isn't entirely her fault. Part of the blame falls on me as well. After all, I knew how she felt about me, I knew what she wanted from me yet still I…

They took me by surprise. I was running some errands in the village - replacing some tableware broken by Tardy Trio or stuff. If there was one or two of them, I could have easily escaped them or broken from them with a few well-placed kicks and punches. But they came in great number, a group of grown-up men against a single girl. And as they tore my clothes and forced me into a white robe, and pushed me through the village to where the old altar stood, their number grew even higher. Curious kids and their moms joined the procession. It was something worth gossiping, after all.

I don't remember much of what happened after that. Just following them in some kind of haze, through the forest and onto the hill. Being pulled and pushed, and then pulled again. Then I was lying supine, looking at the bright sky, something hard digging painfully into my back. Blind Reito babbling something about a goddess and a prophecy. Thunder. And then mist and storm but not a single drop touching me. And then?

I must have passed out because the next thing I remember is waking up in somebody's arms. Feeling warm and safe. Until it turned out I was hugged by a goddess. No, not any goddess. The goddess Viola, our benefactor and our judge, known to severely strike those who cross her.

Well, that's the myth. In fact, she turned out even worse than that, pervert and insatiable. When she gathered me in her arms I wanted to scream. Wanted to cry out that this was a rape, that I did not consent. But she stripped me not only of power in my limbs. She took away my voice. I could only whimper and plead with my body, begging her to have mercy.

Duran, I swear, I was pretty certain she was going to ignore my tears and… you know… do the deed. But she surprised me yet again.

That's why I stayed.

It took me a long time to learn to trust her. There was some lustful spark in her eye that made me wary. Until the Day of Flight, that is. If she truly wanted to do something, she had the perfect chance then. I wouldn't remember a thing. Too much wine, you know. But she - she didn't touch me. When I was most vulnerable and defenseless, she kept true to her word.

And then again, when Auntie Mai fell ill. I still don't know whether she'd planned this from the very beginning. You know, just to test me. To see if I care enough and then let me off the hook. Because if she didn't, I don't get why she suddenly changed her mind. She could have had me, if not willingly then at least with my consent.

Duran, do you think she knew beforehand the consequences of helping Auntie? That she'd be in such a tremendous pain? I can't forget her screeching, her shrilling screams and cries. She looked like a heap of rags, a marionette with her strings cut. A parody of the goddess I know her to be.

If she had known it would happen and still let me off with just a kiss… I have to admire her even more.

Oi, don't lick me! I'm no longer sulking. See, I'm all smiles, no need to sniff me like that.

Oh, found something interesting? This barrette… It's a gift from her. I don't know on what occasion I got it - or if there was any occasion at all. Probably not. One morning, she just left this small package by my plate when we met for breakfast. Said she thought it would look good on me. It's the only thing I took with me when I left.

I know, I must seem out of my head. Keeping this memento of her after what she's done. But the thing is, I care about her. During the time we spent together, she became to me like a family. Or maybe even more.

One thing I know for certain. I would not do what I planned to do when she fell ill if she meant nothing to me. I mean, if she'd perished, I'd be free to go, right? But somehow the very thought of losing her scared the shit out of me. And this was just one more time when she surprised me by denying to have me.

Just like she did when she won me in that poker game. And on numerous other occasions, when she had an excuse or my potential consent but still kept onto her promises.

I don't know what happened later. Why did she suddenly start to avoid me? Why decided to spirit Tomoe? Well, that one I kinda get. She couldn't get into my pants and apparently even goddesses have their... needs in this matter.

But you know what pissed me most, Duran? I mean, beside throwing Tomoe out. Because no matter what one may think about people like her, no one - and I mean no one - deserves to be used and discarded. Left with nothing… abandoned like a broken puppet…

Still, when I confronted her about this, something weird happened. And by weird I don't mean me getting naked and desperately coming onto her. Weird was the look in her crimson eyes when I asked what she wanted. She was lost, not like a goddess at all. And there was this great sadness, the longing so profound it made me shiver. I may not remember my parents, I may not have a lot of friends, but in my whole life I have never felt even a tenth of her loneliness.

No, what really pissed me off was the simple fact that she didn't take time to freaking talk with me. How hard could that be, huh? We spent so much time together. Would it kill her to say "Natsuki, we need to talk. There's something that I want and only Natsuki can give me that."? I would give it to her. I would give myself to her. After all we've been through and with this… something… going on inside me whenever I thought about her.

I just needed some more time.

Couple more weeks. Maybe even less.

Maybe a fortnight.

Couple days more.

But she didn't ask me. She just tried to take it on her own.

She broke every promise she'd ever given me.

Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I went too far, sharing her bed. But I only wanted to do something with this terrible loneliness in her eyes. I wanted to get accustomed to her closeness. I wanted to give her at least something before I could give everything.

And so she took it.

Enough. Show me your paw, Duran. It's nicely healed, soon you will be running like before. Good thing I found you in that snare… the day I ran from heavens…

I don't hate her.

I don't think I ever could.

The pain is now gone, the wound in my heart scabbed over.

Do you think I could run again as well?

Really short this time and not exactly what I had in mind. Still, sometime during writing I realised that this might be better than the more detailed recollection/recap I had planned.

Hopefully, this cast some light on Natsuki's part of the story. As for the Grand Finale - I'll try to have it up by the end of the year but no promises here.