Author: Lucinda
Rated t for teen
Disclaimer: anyone you recognize from Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. I have borrowed a few of the notable names from other sources.
Distribution: by permission Mental Wanderings, PEJA.
Notes: utter silliness. Maybe third year?
...
Breakfast on that Wednesday started much like any other breakfast, with half asleep students staring at their food, tea and coffee and pumpkin juice being drank along with water and milk. Assorted foods were devoured with varying levels of manners and neatness.
And then there was Ron Weasley.
With his plate heaped with food, he gestured wildly as he ranted. "… slimy snakes, the whole lot of them. From the dawn of time to right now, there's not a single dark wizard…"
Hermione glared and hissed, "Ronald!"
Undaunted, Ron continued his tirade, "or dark witch that wasn't a Slytherin. They're all villains, the whole lot of them!"
"Wait a minute," an older student tried to interrupt.
"Not like us, we're Gryffindors, we're the heroes! And everyone knows that the heroes always win in the end, that's why we're called heroes. And the slimy snakes are the villains, so they'll always loose!" Ron stuffed a pancake into his mouth, chewing loudly.
Harry was frowning, thinking over some of the problems with what Ron had said. He knew that Hermione, or some of the other students could probably explain those problems with specific terms and examples of what was wrong, but he'd leave that level to them. "But Ron, every evil witch or wizard in history couldn't have been a Slytherin…"
"What about Maleficent?" the same older student from before insisted.
"Who?" Harry asked, hoping to prevent Ron from doing the same while still chewing.
"The only known dragon animagus! She may have been slain by the wizard-knight Charmont, who married a princess that had been being held prisoner in one of Maleficent's strongholds. There's a bit of doubt about that, but it made a really impressive story," the student explained.
"I take it she wasn't a Slytherin?" Hermione offered.
"No, she was…" the student glanced around before hissing, "She was French!"
Ron made a noise that nobody could decipher, but it caused a spray of pancake crumbs to fly forth.
"What about Yzma?" Suggested another student.
Ron made a questioning noise.
The answer came from Neville – "Yzma was a Potions Mistress in the Incan Empire, and an advisor to several emperors. She also seemed to be able to make them die off and leave the throne to the possible heir she felt most convenient. Last anyone can be certain of, she disappeared during the Demon-Llama attack early in the reign of Emperor Kuzcu. The Incan empires were in South America, nowhere near Hogwarts."
Ron made a dismissive gesture while taking a huge bite of sausage.
"Morgana le Fay! Circe! Göndul and Geirskögul!" shouted an older Gryffindor.
"Evil Slytherins, the lot of them!" Ron insisted.
"Ron, all four of those witches predate Hogwarts even being built!" Hermione scowled.
"All of the evil Slytherins are villains! And the villains always loose!" Ron insisted, his face turning an unflattering red.
"Where are you going with this?" Ginny glared at her brother.
"I'm a Gryffindor, and that makes me the hero. Slytherins are the villains, and they have to loose. Therefore, I could beat any Slytherin at chess!" Ron concluded.
"WHaat?"
"I think you could drive a lorrie through the holes in that logic," mumbled Colin Creevey.
"A what?" Ron blinked.
"or you could send a herd of hippogriffs through it," murmured Lavender Brown.
"Hey!" Ron glared at the blonde girl.
Ron Weasley being the quiet, tactful soul that he was, his musings on good, evil, and his prospects for the future were heard by the entire Great hall.
Which was why, on the other side of the room, a spirited discussion about the youngest Weasley boy's stupidity was taking place at the Slytherin table. Examples of dark witches and wizards from the other three houses were being mentioned. Notable dark witches and wizards from other nations – who therefore had not been sorted into any Hogwarts house – were brought up.
"Did he say any Slytherin?" asked Greg Goyle.
"Of course that's what the red-headed dolt said," snapped Theo Nott.
"Not any student?" added Vincent Crabbe.
"Clean out your ears, you dunces," snapped one of the sixth years. "He said any Slytherin."
The two boys, not noted for their brilliant minds, considered this over breakfast, as well as the Weasley boy's noted dislike of their house. They didn't like him much either, and agreed with Malfoy's desire to see that particular Griff embarrassed. A plan emerged from their minds, and sent the pair of them scurrying off to the dungeons.
Greg Goyle pounded on the office door of their Head of House, "Professor Snape!"
Glaring at them, Professor Snape demanded, "What do you want?"
"Weasley's making dumb claims," Vincent began.
"I fail to see how that merits you pounding on my door," Snape muttered.
"He said… he said all Slytherins were evil villains, an' that Slytherins would always loose. That the Gryffs were the heroes, an' that meant they'd always win," Goyle began.
"Obnoxious as one would expect from him, but hardly a surprise," Snape drawled.
"He said he could beat any Slytherin at chess," Vincent Crabbe added.
"I fail to see why you are blathering at me about the arrogant boasting of a dunderheaded Gryffindor," Snape glared at them.
"I got a plan," Goyle beamed. "It could make him be humb… humil… look real dumb in front of everyone."
"You have a plan," Snape repeated. "Merlin help us…"
"He said any Slytherin, not any student," Crabbe began.
"And you're a Slytherin!" Goyle took over, his thick face looking unexpectedly serious as he looked up at his Head of House. "You take him up on his challenge, beat him in front of everyone, he looks dumb, you win, and nobody can do anything because it's his own dumb fault!"
Snape blinked, his mouth moving several times before words emerged, "That… that's not a bad plan. It should work…"
Snape waited until lunch to say anything further on the matter. Glaring at the Weasley brat, he drawled, "You claim that you can beat any Slytherin at chess?"
"Of course! Because I'm the hero," the brat grinned.
"Be prepared to test that boast tonight," Snape swept away, no longer feeling the slightest hesitation or guilt over his students' plan. The arrogant dunderhead clearly needed a few lessons in reality.
The rest of Hogwarts was full of rumors and questions about how Ron Weasley would be expected to prove his claim, and all sorts of speculation about who he would face. How the chess game would go. Weasley's morning boasting was also much discussed. All sorts of people were sought out and questioned about the upcoming chess match where Ron would face an as-yet unnamed Slytherin.
Harry Potter's response was a careful, "Well, I've never seen anyone beat Ron in the Gryffindor Common Room…"
Hermione Granger glared and snapped, "Why am I not surprised that Ron's mouth has led him into trouble again!"
Professor McGonagall's only response was a disapproving, "Well, Gryffindor is the house of the bold, and he did make some bold claims…"
It seemed that every person at Hogwarts made a point to be in the Great Hall for dinner. Many people were whispering, speculating about who might accept the challenge, or what might have been going through the mind of the youngest Weasley boy. Regardless of the favored theory, everyone wanted to know what would happen. A brand new, never opened Wizarding Chess set had been brought for the occasion, and Professors Flitwick and Vector had been requested to ensure that if there was a match, it was honest and contained no cheating or outside interference.
Lee Jordan was tapped to announce the challenge and the competitors, despite the fact that it had nothing to do with Quidditch. He blinked at the paper, and cast the sonorous charm before beginning, "Today Hogwarts is in for a special display! Ronald Bilious Weasley – Bilious? Really? Anyhow, Ronald Weasley of Gryffindor has made the claim that he can beat any Slytherin at chess. He is being challenged to defend this claim by… am I allowed to read this?"
Professor McGonagall gave a single, stiff nod.
Lee Jordan swallowed before continuing, "By Severus Snape of the Slytherin House!"
The Great Hall fell silent.
Someone's question, despite being a whisper, carried through the whole room – "is that legal?"
A rapid conference among the Staff table resulted in the conclusion that since Ronald Weasley had claimed that he could beat any Slytherin – not any Slytherin student, but any Slytherin – that Professor Snape was in fact a valid challenger. One didn't cease to be a Slytherin simply because one had completed Hogwarts, after all.
The match was short and brutal. Ten minutes after they'd sat down, Ronald Weasley was blinking at the chessboard. "But… but… I'm the Gryffindor! I'm supposed to win!"
"And yet you have lost, Mister Weasley," the Potion's Master mused, folding his arms across his chest. "Do recall that one's House lasts more than the seven years of our schooling."
"But I'm supposed to be the hero… the hero is supposed to win…" the boy repeated.
As Professor Snape left the red-haired boy staring at the chessboard, Professor McGonagall approached him. "Just what was that supposed to prove, Severus?"
"That he should think before speaking," Snape replied. "A lesson I fear has not yet made it through his skull."
Professor McGonagall could only sigh.
end Pottery Shard: Open Chess Challenge