A/N: I'm back! Thanks for all your kind words! I'm finally settled, classes start tomorrow, and I even found time to write! Now that school's starting I'm not making any promises on an updating schedule, only that I'll try to keep it as regular as possible. Thank you for all your reviews!

Disclaimer: Twilight and characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Only the plot is mine.

Chapter 11

EPov

I woke up to my alarm clock blaring in my ear. Groaning I leaned over to turn it off before burying my face into my pillow, not quite ready to start the day. The envelope currently buried between music sheets on my piano came to mind. I immediately shut down that thought.

Instead I though about the lessons I would be teaching. Mike had been paying even less attention to his lessons these past few months, and I was seriously considering telling his mother that I wouldn't teach him anymore. If he didn't want to learn, then I didn't want to waste my time. Not that I found joy in teaching the other students either.

I had become more dissatisfied with teaching. What I used to enjoy—or at least slightly tolerate—had become suffocating. I dreaded each weekday, knowing that I would have to teach another lesson to yet another student who didn't practice or want to be learning. I wanted something more, but the idea of more terrified me.

And the white envelope that I had ordered on impulse, and hidden in blind panic, had been haunting me for days.

Nobody knew about it. I hadn't told anyone about my stupid, ridiculous idea. Not Alice or my father. Or Jasper. I knew that Jasper would support me, even be excited for me. But that was why I didn't tell him. If I failed, I didn't want anyone but myself to know about it.

The bed shifted beside me and an arm encircled my waist, drawing me back to press against a warm, hard body. I turned my head to look into Jasper's sleep-filled eyes, "Good morning," I said, before tilting my head to capture his lips. I could never get enough of him, and knowing that he had woken up in my bed, made it all better.

It had been three weeks since I had told him that I loved him. I had been so terrified to tell him, I had panicked all day long, trying to work up the nerve. After trying for so hard throughout the day, I had resolved myself to doing it a different day, any other day. But then I felt guilty for not saying anything. I believed that Jasper deserved to know, and what I had said that morning had been true: Jasper was always waiting for me. He waited patiently while I freaked out over every little aspect of our relationship; he was still waiting for me to get up the nerve to sleep with him. There were still things I was unsure of. But that I loved him wasn't one of them, and he didn't deserve to have to wait for me to say it. So finally I blurted it out in a rare moment of unthinking. My walls were down, and what I felt just came out, to my absolute horror.

But Jasper's reaction, and the way he looked at me now, with unashamed love and adoration, was worth my moment of vulnerable word vomit. I hadn't felt this before, as if I were the most important thing in someone's world. I was used to being pushed to the side and waiting in the background. To have someone rearrange his life, his schedule, and want to include me in everything was… weird.

What was weirder though, was that Jasper had done the same for me. Before Jasper, music had been the greatest thing in my life. I would sit at my piano for hours, oblivious to the outside world. I would ignore the doorbell, the phone, everything. Now though, whenever Jasper called the piano was forgotten. I would drop whatever I was doing if he offered to take me out.

Yet, I never felt that he was taking me away from what I loved. In fact, he enhanced the moments I spent at my piano. My music began to form around what he was doing to me, what I was learning about myself. In had become more precious to me because Jasper had become part of my music. His fingers had touched each key, he had sat in the exact spot where I sat; he was in every note that I played.

"I need to get ready," Jasper murmured against my lips. I kissed him one more time before leaning back against my pillow. I watched Jasper walk to the bathroom before getting out of bed. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee before going to the music room with my mug.

I sat on the piano bench and sipped my coffee, letting my left hand pluck aimlessly at the keys. I looked up at the pile of sheet music, so unassuming yet hiding such terror. My hand travelled on its own, reaching between the sheets and drawing out the envelope. I turned the envelope over in my hands, debating on whether to open it or throw it away.

Deciding that not thinking had worked out with Jasper, I tore the envelope open quickly, trying to get it over with. I unfolded the sheets of paper and read the first line, "Dear Mr. Edward Cullen, On behalf of the National Association of Composers I would like to thank you for your interest in our annual Composition Competition…"

The application looked simple enough. I needed to submit two of my pieces for consideration and the deadline was in two weeks. If I won this, even if I was just a finalist, then I would have my name out there. I would be a real composer, able to fulfil my dreams. But if I didn't…

I heard Jasper's footsteps coming down the hall, so I quickly put the application back in the sheet music. I turned around just as he came through the doorway. His hair was still wet from his shower, curling beautifully around his face.

"Thanks for the coffee love," he said. He tapped his mug for emphasis, "I know you don't like coffee in the morning. I appreciate the sacrifice."

"It's too strong," I muttered. I took a sip of my coffee and winced at the bitter taste. I liked tea in the morning. It was mild and eased me into my day, but Jasper loved his two cups of coffee before heading off to work and I figured that if I was already making a pot, I might as well not waste some. It was growing on me, but I still found the taste hard to handle.

"Tomorrow we can have tea, how about that?"

"Really? You're going to drink tea? The thing you call flavoured water?"

A grimace passed over Jasper's face. "Maybe we can let it steep for a long time. And maybe use more than one teabag."

"You do realise that coffee is also flavoured water."

"Yeah, but it tastes better. Less like water and more like heaven."

"Heaven, huh?" I bit my lip and sauntered forward, trying to act as sexy as I could, "I though you said I taste like heaven?"

That got the exact response I was looking for. Jasper's eyes darkened and before I knew it I was pressed against the wall, Jasper's body covering me, and his lips attacking my neck. My hands went straight to his hair, grasping the wet curls. The feel of his lips on my neck was the perfect way to start the day.

Knowing that he had to leave soon, I pulled his face up to mine so that I could have one last kiss. He pulled away, "You're right. That is heaven. So much better than coffee," he kissed me again and stepped back, "but I really need to leave. See you tonight?"

I nodded and followed him out to the living room. He grabbed his briefcase and slung it over his shoulder. With one last look over his shoulder he said, "Bye love, see you tonight. I'll make dinner." Then he was gone.

I immediately went back to the piano and the application. If I did this, then a whole world of opportunities would open up for me. I would finally be doing what I wanted, what I dreamed about. But there was also a giant risk of failure. If I didn't succeed, what then? Would I be able to continue teaching when my heart wasn't in it? There were so many questions, so many risks. Would it be worth it?

But if I didn't try, I would spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened. I would resent every student. I would be miserable. Jasper had shown me that sometimes the result was worth the risks it took to get there. I took a deep breath, grabbed a pen, and began to fill out my contact info and details about my training and music. Now the hard part, which of my pieces would I enter?

Most of my pieces were beautiful and technical, and I knew they would be well received by professionals. I knew that one of those would be a success. I had spent years perfecting them. One piece stood out, one I had meticulously worked one, carefully creating sections and layers of the orchestration. It was inspired by a line from Charles Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal, "whose thoughts like larks spontaneously rise/ into the morning sky; whose flight, unchecked/ outreached life and readily comprehends/ the language of flowers and of all mute things." I have always felt that these lines perfectly stated the potential of a musician, poet or writer who is willing to take risks for their craft. And since I was taking a risk with this, the piece would be perfect.

The second one was hardest. I really wanted to send the one that I had completed during my current 'Jasper Era'. It wasn't perfected, and it was simpler than the other one, but I hoped that the judges would recognise the passion behind it. It was another risk, but what the hell was the point of playing safe at this point?

I put the completed application and the music in a large envelope, addressed it, and quickly abandoned it on the table. I may have made major strides forward, but I was still terrified and not quite ready to mail it out yet. I decided to sleep on it. If I still felt as sure tomorrow, then I would put it in the mail.

I heard knocking on my door, signalling the first student of the day. With a final glance at the envelope, I went to let them in.

"What do you want for dinner?" Jasper asked as soon as he stepped through the door. He walked right past me into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"Hungry, huh?" I laughed.

"Starving," he brought out an armful of food and dropped it all on the counter, "there was a department meeting during my lunch so I couldn't eat, and I didn't have any breaks between my classes where I could sneak a bite to eat. My stomach has been growling for hours. I swear the front row of my classes could hear it."

"Well, we can each whatever you want then." Jasper paused in his sorting of the food and turned around to look me up and down.

"Naked BBQ?" He asked hopefully.

"Can't," I said, trying not to laugh as his face fell, "I still have one more student left for the day. Maybe another day."

"You always say that," Jasper pouted. He had been begging me to have Naked BBQ night with him for weeks, ever since he saw my apron. I was just glad that he'd focussed on that, rather than why I had an apron. Eventually, I would give in. The idea of him naked was too appealing to be ignored, but I still couldn't let the opportunity to tease him go to waste.

"And I promise, someday we'll have it." I gave him a quick kiss when I heard the doorbell and went to answer the door.

I wasn't focussed on the lesson. Mike was playing fine, it appeared that he had actually practiced this week. But my mind was back with the smells coming from the kitchen, with the application on the table, and with Jasper. I gave him some vague comments about his progress, assigned some new work and sent him on his way.

I walked back into the kitchen to find Jasper. He was standing over the table, looking at something. My application. He turned to look at me when he heard me walk up behind him. My application was resting in his hands.

"Edward, what is this?" He quietly asked.

I cleared my throat, "it's an application for a composer's competition. I'm thinking about entering. It's not a huge competition, but it's a start." I waited to see what he would say.

"You're thinking?"

"Well yeah," I said, confused about why that part seemed to be bothering him.

Jasper grasped the envelope tightly in his hand and walked into the kitchen. He began putting the cooking supplies back into the fridge. I watched him for several minutes, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing before I couldn't take it anymore.

"Jasper, what are you doing?" I was getting irritated with him. He didn't seem to care that I was confused, and didn't seem concerned with explaining himself.

"I'm putting the food away," he said simply.

"Yeah, I see that. But why, is what I'm asking. That's our dinner."

"Not anymore. We're going to the post office before they close, then we'll get something while we're out."

No, no, no. I wasn't ready yet. I still had to think about it. I wasn't ready. I tried to tell Jasper that, force him to see it, but he wouldn't listen.

"Love," he finally said, grasping my shoulders to hold me still, "if you don't do this, you'll regret it. You're good. You're fantastic. I want this for you. I know that it's scary. I know how you feel. I was terrified to apply for grad school, for my PhD. It's a life changing decision that is taken out of your hands. But you have to try."

I shook my head, "but what if…" I trailed off.

"Do you want this?" I tried to look down, but Jasper caught my chin and lifted my head up, "Edward, do you want this."

I couldn't lie to him, so all I could do was nod, "Okay then, let's go."

I followed him silently out to the car, trying to keep my breathing under control. I didn't want to show Jasper how terrified I was, but I couldn't help it.

"I'll drive," he said walking to the driver's side. I handed him his keys, "you're obviously in no condition to navigate traffic."

"Fuck off," I muttered, getting into the car. He laughed and started driving, chatting to me about how well I was going to do. Every time I would tell him to shut up and stop talking he would just laugh at me and keep talking.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" I finally asked.

"Enjoying what?"

"My nerves. You find this funny. You keep laughing whenever I tell you to stop talking about it."

"I know you're nervous, but really Edward, you're brilliant. And I'm not just saying that because I want to get in your pants," he winked at me. A small laugh escaped before I could hold it back. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Jasper always had a way of encouraging and cheering me up.

"Thank you."

Jasper looked at me in surprise, "for what?"

"For encouraging me. For believing in me. For making me laugh. For forcing me to take this step. Take your pick. Before I met you, I wouldn't have been able to do this. But with you here… well, I'm still fucking terrified, but I think I can handle whatever happens."

Jasper stopped the car and took my hand and kissed the knuckles. "We're here. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Edward, relax. It's gone. You can't do anything about it anymore," Jasper was trying to be patient, but I could tell that he was still amused at my behaviour. I had stressed at the post office, in the car on the way to the restaurant, and now I had barely eaten more than a few bites of my burger. And my thankfulness of Jasper's presence was wearing thin with every teasing remark he made.

"I can't help it. I can't think of anything else."

A mischievous look came over Jasper's face, "I'll give you something to think about."

"Wha—" I froze when I felt his foot slide up my leg, "Jasper, no" I tried to sound stern. It didn't work. His foot kept inching higher and higher. I leaned forward so I could whisper, "We're in public," I said through my teeth.

Jasper leaned over until our faces were inches from each other, "so then finish eating so that I can molest you in private." His foot lightly pressed the inside of my thigh, and despite my embarrassment, I felt myself getting aroused.

I wasn't hungry; the thought of food was making me nauseous. I wanted to stop thinking, and Jasper was willing to help me.

I sat straight up and pulled as far away from Jasper's foot as I could, "I'm not hungry anymore. Let's go."

Jasper didn't protest. An expectant smile spread across his face, like a little kid waiting for dessert, and nothing could wipe it off. The waitress came with our bill, watching Jasper warily.

"You boys have a good night now," she said while Jasper signed for our meal.

"Oh we will," he said, leaving the waitress with no doubt as to what we would be doing later tonight.

"Do you have to imply to everyone that you think you're going to get some tonight?" I asked, laughing at his childish behaviour as we walked to the car.

"It's not to everyone, and I want them to be jealous that I get to go home with y—Wait," Jasper suddenly stopped his face filled with horror, "what do you mean by 'imply' and 'think'?"

"All those other things I said, and that's what you pick up." I got into the car, but noticed that Jasper was still standing outside gaping at me like a fish. I rolled down the window and looked at him questioningly.

"Jasper?"

"What do you mean, Edward?"

"Jasper, please get in the car."

"Are you saying that you just teased me? Cause I'm horny now," I quickly looked around to make sure that no one was in the parking lot with us. This teasing had the potential to get uncomfortable very quickly.

Jasper relented, muttering to himself, "You better pay up," he told me before starting the car.

I was suddenly hit with a wave of affection for Jasper. Whether it was intentional or not, Jasper was taking my mind off the application and making me feel better. And just as I had felt that Jasper deserved to hear me tell him I loved him, I also felt that he deserved another thing I had been withholding from him. I wasn't ready today, not with the emotions that were swirling through my head, but very soon I would be ready.

I leaned over the middle console until my lips brushed his ear, "I'll pay up. Get me home, and I'll make you see stars."

Jasper's breathing hitched and I felt the car accelerate, "Do you know what you do to me, Edward?"

"Wanna show me?" Jasper groaned and sped up even more. We made it to my house in record time and before I could remove my seatbelt, Jasper turned off the car and came around to my side, opening the door. I unbuckled and used the doorframe to lift myself up until my lips pressed against his.

"Take me inside?" I muttered.

"You've got the keys," he reminded me. Oh, right.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me towards the door, trying to fish my keys out of my pocket and simultaneously ignore Jasper's hand trying to do the same. Only his hand was more centred than my pockets, which added another distraction.

"Jasper," I moaned when his hand palmed my erection. He hummed in my ear, his hand brushing my erection again. "You need to stop that, I can't even focus on getting my keys out of my pocket."

"But I'm helping you find them." A kiss on my neck where my hair brushed against my skin, nearly undid me.

"This is helping?" Jasper hummed in agreement again. He reached his hand into the pocket I wasn't searching and pulled out my keys. He handed them to me and laughed when I fumbled with the keys. "Shut up," I tried to pout, but Jasper kissed me deeply, opening his mouth and letting me taste him.

I opened the door and pushed Jasper inside. We slowly made our way to my bedroom, mouths entangled and hands grabbing and caressing. Our clothing was shed down the hall, and by the time we fell on my bed we were both naked and ready.

Jasper pushed me back onto the pillows and crawled over me. He kissed my eyelids, my lips, my neck, before latching onto my nipple, sucking and nibbling until it pebbled.

"Jasper," I groaned. I ran my hands down his back, relishing in the muscle beneath my hands. He moved to the other nipple. His hands ran over my ribs, my thighs. I moaned again when his hand brushed my erection.

"You like that love?" I hummed in agreement and thrust my hips trying to get more contact. Jasper pressed his on my hips, holding me down. "Not yet."

I began to protest, but all sound caught in my throat when his warm mouth engulfed my cock. My moan encouraged him; he pulled back and flicked his tongue over the tip before plunging back down to the base. I soon lost myself in the sensations of his mouth and tongue. He pulled back, trailing his tongue along the length of my erections, teased the tip, and plunged again. I tried to thrust, but Jasper's hands still held me down. He released my cock and looked up, I tried to pull his head back, but he only smirked at me.

"Not yet," he repeated.

"Please," I pleaded.

He brought himself up and kissed me, taking my erection in his hand. He slowly began pumping my cock, whispering in my ear, "Do you know how proud of you I am?"

I moaned, raising my hips to increase the friction. His other hand came up to entangle in my hair, drawing my head closer to him. "I know you're scared, but you took a risk. You have a beautiful mind, love. But sometimes you think too much."

I thrust again. Jasper traced my earlobe with his tongue, biting it lightly, while increasing the movements of his hand. "Are you thinking now Edward?" he asked, squeezing my cock. I shook my head. "See what happens when you don't think all the time?" I nodded. My climax was close; Jasper's hot breath brushing over my face was the only thing forcing me to listen to him. I found his cock, and began pulling and squeezing. His moans echoed in my ear. Soon we were both on the edge.

"Stop thinking, Edward. Stop thinking and cum," he commanded; and I listened. He gave my cock a final pull, meeting my thrust, and my climax hit, the waves rolling over me and releasing the tension of the day. Jasper came soon after, collapsing on top of me. I listened to his breathing slow down, timing my breaths with his.

When we both calmed down, Jasper got up and went to my bathroom. He got a washcloth and cleaned us both up. He threw the washcloth in my hamper and got back into bed next to me, wrapping me up in his arms.

"I am proud of you," he repeated. I buried my face into his chest, breathing him in. He began running a hand through my hair. I remembered my mother doing this when I was a child whenever I was upset. The familiar sensation calmed a part of me that an orgasm couldn't touch.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"And I understand that you're scared, but that's why I'm here. Edward, you're talented. And if it's not this, then there will be something else. And I'll be here either way."

I looked up at him, "And if I never do? If it doesn't happen?"

"Then I'll be there too." I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve someone who would support me so thoroughly. I was used to being on my own. I had never relied on another person to be there for me. But I knew that whatever happened, it would be fine as long as Jasper was with me. I could do anything if Jasper was there.

I curled up in his arms, "I love you. Thank you."

His arms tightened around me and Jasper kissed my temple, "I love you. Now go to bed, my little composer."

I smacked his chest, growling at the dumb nickname, earning a chuckle. I easily found myself relaxing against his chest and slipping into sleep.

A/N: Thanks all for reading and please review, and I promise that I'll have time to answer them this time ;)

Until next time! ~AJ Kelly