Author's Note: You guys can let me know if you prefer the double size chapters like these last two, or the half-size ones like usual. Just remember, you'll be waiting an extra few days or so compared to usual for the extra long one.
And sorry for the delay. Broke my labtop. Had to rewrite the entire chapter once I got the new laptop in. And bang my head of the wall. (The latter was definitely necessary.)
Chapter 22:
Within twenty-four hours of returning from the base, Bruce found himself sitting with Tony in the lab and studying the 'experiments' that Natasha had found and uploaded from the HYDRA base. Of course, that was before she ceremoniously blew it up fifteen minutes later, but she still managed to have sent it all before that unfortunate incident.
While Jarvis noted that it also gave them three more mentioned locations for HYDRA bases and/or labs, Bruce himself was fixated on the supposed failed experiments listed. "This is more than a little bit disturbing..." he finally admitted with a frown.
"Which part?" came Tony's voice across the lab. Bruce was pretty sure he senses sarcasm in what he was also certain was a rhetorical question, but with his friend, sometimes it wasn't always easy to tell on either count. "The part where there are dozens of dead people from this experiment? The part where they are practically all volunteers? Or the part where it calls what Strucker is trying to do them, 'Enhanced'?" and Bruce glanced over to see Tony roll his eyes at the last part. "Enhanced. Like he's making them better. Meanwhile, he's pretty much murdering them with their willing participation by making them hope they become the next Captain America," he commented dryly.
Bruce sighed a little, "With the chance they'll become the next Hulk?" Tony's eyes drifted over to him and Bruce gave a little shrug at the incredulous look on his friend's face, "We've seen weirder things happen, unless you've forgotten the aliens. And a team that works surprisingly well given that it has you, Captain America, an alien demigod with a magic hammer, me and the Other Guy... and two assassins."
Tony's mouth twitched into a little grin, "Fair enough. Speaking of assassins..."
"You said you would let that go..."
"For now," Tony quoted, "I said I would let it go for now. For now has past. So, while Jarvis is going over Strucker's probability for success, you can tell me this—how did you get her to kiss you again?"
Bruce blew out a breath of disbelief. He supposed it was too much to hope that Tony just wouldn't mention it all again, that he would let it go, ignore it. His friend was nothing if not persistent though. "Um...I was...honest?" he offered up with uncertainty.
"Honest?" Tony's face scrunched up as he stared in disbelief, "Honest about what?"
"About my issues with—with this," Bruce mumbled, "With being near her."
Tony's eyebrows raised upward and Bruce sighed a little at the next comment, "You have issues being near her?"
"I have issues with the fact my heart might beat out of my chest when she so much as looks at me like she likes me..." Bruce muttered out. He covered his face with his hands and almost couldn't believe he actually admitted that out loud.
"She does like you," Tony added, "Although, she did a hell of a job convincing you that she didn't for a while, eh?"
Bruce lowered his hands and stared at him after that. "Wait... you knew, I mean, before that whole kiss and run thing?"
Tony shrugged, "Maybe?"
"Maybe?"
"Alright, yeah, I knew. Well, sort of, mostly," came Tony's rather odd admittance. "What I mean is, she knew that you liked her. When she was sick, I sort of told her."
Bruce stared at him open-mouthed for a moment before he could even think to respond, "You told her?"
Tony rolled his eyes, "Are you forgetting who she is, Bruce? She already knew." He supposed that was fair enough. Of course Natasha knew, not much got passed her. "She just thought you would get over it," came the surprising addition.
"What?"
"Get over it. That's what she told me. She said you would get over it."
Bruce couldn't help but stare at him for a good thirty seconds in stunned silence before he dared to speak, "She told you that?"
Another shrug from the billionaire, "Contrary to popular belief, I'm a good listener on occasion." Bruce already knew that from personal experience, but it was a little surprising to learn that Natasha occasionally had talks with Tony as well. "Besides, we realized we have common interests," his friend mentioned nonchalantly. Bruce figured he must have made a weird face because the man explained it with one word, "You. Suck it up, buttercup. She likes you, so tell me, are you and Natasha a thing now?"
Were they? Bruce hadn't had much of a chance to speak with her since they got back. She might have picked a little fun at Tony on the jet before she closed her eyes to sleep but since they got back, she was unnaturally quiet, even for Natasha. She seemed to have closed herself up in her room with the Red Room file and he hadn't seen her since, or so he thought that's what she was doing, until he saw that very same file under a few papers on Tony's desk. "What are you doing with that?" he questioned quickly.
Tony's eyes shifted down to look at the file that had been unearthed under the papers and Bruce could see the uneasy look on his face. "Making sure there's no other mention of those frequencies before we go poking a fire unnecessarily, or any other possible triggers that might set her off on some sort of killing spree. You know, a noise that makes her murder anyone in sight, bludgeon innocent civilians, or even just binge eat a few pints of Ben and Jerry's," and Bruce must have given the other man a rather dumbfounded look after that last one because Tony asked another ridiculous question, "What? We're drawing the line at ice cream?" And of course, he didn't make any of this any better, "Besides... from the little I saw when I was poking through it on the jet? I don't blame her for handing it over. I was her? I don't think I would want to know. Not any of it..."
"How bad?" Bruce dared himself to ask the question.
"We've seen aliens, Bruce, but what's in here? Even aliens couldn't have made me believe people would do...this...and I've been held captive in a cave in the middle-east with a car battery attached to my chest. I have half a mind to scan it all into the computer and let Jarvis do the searching, which I'll be asking Natasha if I can, just for the sake of speed and efficiency if not my sanity."
Bruce felt his frown only grow at that, "Did she look through any of it?"
"I think so, some parts anyways, then she just sort of threw it down on my desk and asked me to rifle through it. Haven't seen her since," Tony answered, "I guess some things you think you want to know until you actually know them...then you wish you didn't."
"I'll uh...relay your request," Bruce told him as he stood up.
He watched Tony's eyes shift wearily from the file to him, "Might want to tread carefully. Just, you know, do whatever weird thing it is you do that seems to make her like you." Bruce couldn't help but give him an odd look at that and Tony just smirked a little, "What? You must be doing something right, I don't see her kissing anyone else around here."
Bruce groaned a little, "Could you at least look to make sure nobody else is around before saying things like that?"
"Seriously? You're making out with Romanoff and you want to hide that from other people? Most men—"
"I'm not most men," Bruce reminded him, "So just do me a favor and please leave it alone, Tony? I'd really prefer it if Natasha didn't slice you into microscopic pieces and scatter your remains across the globe."
Tony cleared his throat, "Duly noted, but I wouldn't have gone blabbing it to everyone, Bruce. I'm going to chalk this one down to your extreme lack of social skills and the fact that you're flustered over your little dalliance with our resident assassin. However, I'll remind you that friends talk about these things." Bruce opened his mouth to comment on that but Tony shooed him towards the door of the lab and spoke with a ridiculously regal tone, "I'm dismissing you, peon, go now. Go and do the kissing and not telling that shall not be spoken of unless you bring it up."
Bruce chuckled as he shook his head and moved to duck out of the lab, but he paused in the doorway before looking back at his friend, "Hey, Tony?" He watched as Tony's head glanced back up and shifted to look in his direction before he asked the question, "Do you think it—this...me and her... Do you think it can work?"
There was a brief moment where the billionaire's mouth opened just a little and hesitated with uncertainty before he seemed to understand the question. "Only one way to find out," was the only answer he received before Tony looked back down at the computer screen.
Bruce supposed that was true enough as he turned and left the lab completely, heading towards the elevator. It was when he was sitting inside it that he figured he should double check Natasha's location, "Jarvis, is Natasha in her room?"
"Yes, Doctor."
"Let her know I'm coming up?"
"Certainly."
He lost himself in thoughts of nearly everything while the elevator moved, right up until the ride itself ended and the doors crept open to their floor. He only just made it to Natasha's door and raised his hand to knock when he heard the electronic lock unlatch inside.
Jarvis' voice rang out again, "Miss Romanoff is in bed. She requested that I let you in."
Bruce frowned a little at that. It was late afternoon and given that it was near impossible to find Natasha in bed at normal sleeping hours, finding out she was in bed before dinnertime was a little off-putting. "Thanks, Jarvis," he added before opening the unlocked door and moving inside. He shuffled his way down the hallway towards the bedroom and sure enough she was there, laying on her side, eyes open and on the wall. "Hey..." and he wasn't sure why he offered up the greeting, it wasn't as though she wouldn't have known he was there otherwise.
For a few seconds he didn't think she would even dignify it with a response until he saw her eyes flutter over to peer at him. "Hey," her voice held nothing.
It was the voice he hated. Her face was the same empty void as her voices and whatever she read in that file, she was still lost in, trying to figure out what to think of it. He moved slowly to the left side of her bed before he gingerly climbed in. Natasha didn't react to it. She didn't tell him not to. She didn't turn towards him. Nothing. So Bruce did the only other thing that really made sense to him, he laid down and moved a little closer before tucking an arm over her side. She stiffened the second he did it, but she didn't pull away and he managed to convince himself not to run for the hills. He counted nearly two minutes exactly before Natasha slowly relaxed and then she shifted back a little and pushed closer until her back was right against his chest. Reminding himself not to release a relieved breath nearly came too late, so instead he forced himself to speak again, "Did you want to talk about it?"
"Not yet."
"Alright."
Bruce knew it was better not to push it. When or if Natasha wanted to talk about it, she would, and he was patient enough to wait. He knew that while he was the one who needed a good push sometimes, she was the polar opposite and if you pushed her, she might never come back. He had to admit to being a little surprised when her hand found the fingers of his hand at her side as she tugged his hand to her stomach and eased her fingers between his. Apparently not wanting to talk about it didn't mean she wouldn't accept some form of furthered comfort and he was even more surprised that this situation wasn't making him nervous.
He rested his head closer to the top of her head and watched as her eyes slowly drifted to a close. He would have thought she had fallen asleep if her mumbled words hadn't met his ears, "You ever tell Stark that I was the little spoon, I'll find a way to kill you."
Bruce didn't doubt that for a minute but he could see the barest semblance of a smile on her lips and he couldn't resist the retort that formed in his mind. "Want me to turn around so you can be the big spoon?" came his daring question.
For a moment she didn't react and he wasn't sure she would but then her shoulders shook a little from a fit of silent laughter, and if possible, Natasha pressed her back even further against him. "While I like that you're willing to be my little spoon, Bruce... I'm comfortable just like this," she informed him softly before her breathing evened out a minute or two later. He guessed Tony was right. For whatever reason, she seemed to like the stupid comments he always made.
Maybe this could work.
Only a few hours passed before Natasha felt her eyes drift slowly open. She was still in the exact same position she had been in when she fell asleep early, tucked tightly against Bruce's chest and it was a much stranger feeling that overcame her at the situation this time. Unlike last time where running had been her only thought, where discomfort had taken hold of her, this time it was much different. It felt safe. It was new to feel that away around somebody who wasn't Clint and she actually snorted out a laugh at the image of his face if she told him she was spooning with Bruce Banner.
She wasn't sure Clint would take her seriously if she told him about any of this. He had laughed at the idea months ago when Tony had first pawned her off on Bruce, saying that he couldn't imagine her being 'domestic' with Bruce, though at the time she found it nearly as amusing as he did. She certainly never would have imagined this being a plausible thought when she first went and recruited him in Calcutta during Loki's invasion.
Her laugh at the thought of Clint's face must have roused Bruce because she could feel him start to shift behind her. Natasha forced herself to turn over to face him and found his eyes already open. This time she offered up the same greeting he seemed to enjoy giving her lately, "Hey."
It had the desired effect because Bruce chuckled a little, "Hey."
She wondered how easily that affectionate look he was giving her would disappear if she told him what she found in her file, and if that didn't do the job, she wondered how easily it would switch to contempt when she told him she took those missing pages from his file. Both were things that needed to be brought up, given he wanted honesty from her, and she was willing to try and do her best on that front. "Are you sure you really want to know?" she dared to ask.
Part of her hoped he would say no but she wasn't that lucky. "If you want to talk about it, then yeah," was Bruce's easy reply.
There was only about two inches between their faces and his fingers made their way back to her hand to intertwine with her own. She figured if she was going to scare him off, it might as well be now rather than later, so she just let it out, "I always sort of figured there was a reason that I was pulled into Red Room. I just tried to imagine that maybe not everything in my life was about them, maybe before them, things were normal." She paused for a moment as she debated the best way to even say this before she just rolled with it, "Turns out, I was never going to be anything except what I was made to be."
Bruce made it a lot easier by staying quiet, by listening without interruption, and she was grateful for that.
"My father worked for them, and I suppose if he did one good thing according to that file, it was to tell my grandfather no when he told my parents to bring me in to the program." She could see the look of surprise that crossed Bruce's face but she ignored it as she continued, "He said no. I was four years old when he disappeared from my ballet practice. Three days later, they set the house on fire. My grandfather ordered his own daughter's death, just to prove a point to him, that he didn't need my father's permission. They made him watch the house burn, brought me out, and then shot him."
Bruce clearly couldn't school his expression as much as he had been in the beginning. He looked a little horrified.
"After I read it, I sort of remembered it, a little anyways. He was proving a point about the program it seemed, that by putting in his own flesh and blood, it proved he thought the program could work. And I remember seeing him, my grandfather I mean. All the time. I just always thought he was a pervert."
There was that mixed look on his face now where he clearly wasn't sure if he should be horrified by that comment or find it funny.
"Red Room decided he was no longer of use to them after a while," she informed him next. "So they told me who he was and what he did when I was seventeen, gave me the knife and the gun, and sent me to kill him. Told me it was the one time they would allow me the chance to settle a personal grudge." The next part was where she figured it would all fall apart, but she let it out nonetheless, "It was the first time that whether someone lived or died was actually my choice. And I did it. I went in there, I plunged that knife into his chest over and over and over. He lived, for a few minutes, just bleeding and laying there. And you know what he said? He said that if I could know who he was and I could do this, then I was perfect, and that he was proud."
"Natasha..." Bruce didn't sound disgusted with her, he didn't even sound like he pitied her. Truthfully, she wasn't sure what to make of the look on his face at the moment.
"They erased that memory, but I remember it now, and I don't feel bad for killing him... I'm glad I killed him," she admitted with a small shrug before she locked eyes with him, "Does that make me a terrible person?"
But Bruce shook his head without hesitation and rested a hand on the side of her face, "No, no it doesn't." Natasha nodded her head a bit at that and while she expected him to continue talking, she didn't expect what he actually said next, "Maybe that's why we get along." She blinked a few times at that in confusion before he explained it, "Our families were really good at killing each other for no good reason."
It probably shouldn't have been funny, most people probably wouldn't think it was, but she felt the laughter bubble out before she could stop it. He said it so bluntly and nonchalantly that she couldn't even find the horrible statement to be anything but horrendously hilarious, especially now when he gave her that tiny little smile. "That's pretty bad, Bruce."
"Well, I never said it was a good reason for getting along."
She chuckled a little at that but she figured while they were already conversing, she might as well bring up the next bad thing she did. Natasha turned over, ignoring Bruce's ruffled brow as she sat up and pulled open the drawer to the nightstand. She could feel him sitting up to and she saw his eyebrow lift just a little as she pulled out HuggaHulk to lift out what was hidden underneath him.
"You still have that thing?" he questioned in distaste.
She smiled a little at that, "He's not going away, Bruce. You're going to have to stop being jealous of him." She watched him shake his head a little with that awkward little smile before she found what she was looking for and she handed it over to Bruce, "This is what was missing from your file."
He looked stunned and baffled all at once as he studied her, "You—you took the missing pages?"
Natasha nodded a little.
"And...you hid them from me?"
"Not from you," she insisted quickly, "Just look."
Bruce did as she asked, glancing down at what she held out in her hand before he gave her a mildly alarmed look and pulled them into his own hands. They were slightly water damaged but it seemed she had shoved them far enough into her suit to keep them from destroyed on anything more than a mild level. There was The Hulk, standing over a crouched Natasha who had one hand resting on the wrist of Bruce's other half and one hand arched back protectively towards Pepper. The Lullaby. "This is—"
"Not the one I was intending to hide from the others, but I was a little rushed given that Steve was in the room, and I pulled that one with the other by accident."
She watched his eyes shift from that first page to her and then back to the page before he put it aside and stared down at the other. His eyes widened in seconds before coming back up to meet hers. Natasha's eyes were locked onto the picture on that one still. Bruce's bed. Bruce. Herself. And that first initial liplock just sat there in his hands. "Considering we can't seem to figure out what this is, I didn't think you wanted to try and explain that to anyone else," she finally admitted. He looked a little mortified and she frowned slightly as he stared back down at the picture, "I didn't want to lie to you, Bruce and I should have given them to you right away. I let myself get distracted by my own file and—"
"I'm not mad, Natasha..." he insisted quickly, "I didn't mean to make you think I was. I get it... I mean... we can't even label it other than calling whatever we are a 'this'."
Whatever was written on the actual pages themselves were illegible because of the water, the ink had run across the page and left whatever the reasoning was for keeping the two pictures and notes unknown. "I shouldn't have pulled them out, at least then we'd know whatever was written, but I wasn't really expecting to take a swim."
"Natasha, it's alright," his voice told her that he meant that. It was almost annoying that he was so understanding. He didn't think she was a monster for murdering her own grandfather. He wasn't pissed that she not only opened the file HYDRA had on him but stole some of its contents. The realization of what she thought he would do seemed to dawn over his expression and now he did look a little frustrated, "You thought I would leave, or run away, or whatever... didn't you?"
She kept her mask on to mirror neutrality at the hurt tone implied in his voice and that only seemed to make it worse. Clint always told her that her defense mechanism to 'feelings' always seemed to be to push them aside and push away the people who evoked them. It was different for many reasons now, the biggest one being that she had become the teams biggest liability in that last mission, a liability that could make things worse in the future. Finally she just gave Bruce the answer he already knew to be the truth, "It's sort of your thing." That just seemed to bring the hurt from his voice to his face and that was the moment she felt like she should tell him it was alright, it just didn't come out right, "It's alright if you go, I get it."
"Go? Natasha..."
"Everybody leaves, Bruce. Eventually you will too, so if you want to do it now then I won't stop you. This, us, whatever we are—I can pretend it never happened."
"Natasha—"
"It's fine, Bruce."
"Natasha, shut up," and all she could do was stare when he clamped a hand over her mouth to force her into silence. "You're pushing me away but I'm not going to let you. I won't leave. I'm still here, Nat," he insisted. His voice and his face took on a slightly more amused expression after that as he pulled his hand away from her mouth, "You know, I thought I was bad at these things, but you're sort of taking the cake." Bruce was studying her and she could feel it. She still hadn't reacted with her expression or her words and that was when he looked a little worried, "Unless you want me to leave?"
He seemed to take her silence as a cue that she did and Natasha frowned slightly at that, "Bruce." It made him stop just as he was moving off the bed and she watched him turn and look back at her. "Did you tell me to shut up?" she finally questioned.
Bruce's cheeks turned a little red at her question, "Uh...I think so."
"You told me to shut up and clamped a hand over my mouth," she mentioned next.
It seemed to fluster him a little more, "Sor—"
Natasha yanked him down and pressed her lips to his before mumbling the words against his mouth, "I kind of liked it."
He let out a breathy little laugh into the kiss before he pulled away, "You're one strange woman..."
She shrugged a little at that as she explained everything before ruining this further, "True, but... I'm a liability now. I'm not going out in the field with the chance that at any given moment my trigger could be activated. Next time there might be no noise to deactivate me. I stabbed Steve. I tried put a gun to his head and tried to pull the trigger. That can't happen again," she finally admitted as she leaned back against the headboard.
Bruce was frowning now as he moved to sit back next to her. "Is that what this was all about?" he questioned. "That wasn't your fault, that wasn't you."
Natasha supposed he was trying to be helpful, trying to be supportive, but she couldn't help the bitter reply, "Isn't that a little like the pot calling the kettle black, Bruce?" She didn't wait for a response and instead just pushed on, "I told Tony to find the trigger. Which means that before we ever find the frequency to deactivate it, first we have to...you know, turn it on." She didn't look at him now as she asked the question, "So when he does flip the switch, it means I'm stuck that way until he finds the off button."
"Natasha—"
"Look, I just need to say it to someone, and I'm sure Tony can," she added next. "But if he can't find a way to turn it off, don't you dare leave me like that," she told him next. "All I saw when that switch flipped was red. All I could think was kill. I knew what I was supposed to be doing, but I couldn't stop. I would have killed Steve, hell, I almost did. I almost killed Tony, too. So could you have forgiven me for that?"
He was frowning a little.
"Would you have told me that was alright, that it wasn't my fault, that it wasn't me?" He was watching her quietly and she gave the barest of smiles at that, "So if you want to stay, Bruce, then you can stay but it's probably better that you go. You were right, I was pushing you away. There's no guarantee that we can reverse the trigger again when it's activated."
"Natasha, it still wouldn't have been your fault," he insisted and she narrowed her eyes slightly. "And I want to stay," he pressed on and she couldn't stop herself from frowning. "You don't believe me, do you?" came his next question. It was true enough. She really didn't believe him and it was clear that he knew, she could see it plain as day on his face. She examined his expression and scrutinized every part of his next words when his fingertips came to rest gently on her chin, "You've made me feel a lot of different things since I picked you up sitting on that stupid duffel in Rajasthan. Angry, sad, happy, confused as all hell..." and she chuckled a little at that last one. "But now? I can't even explain it..."
"Bruce..."
"Enchanted sort of works... you enchanted me."
For a guy who thought he was horrible at things like this, he was actually mind-numbingly good. Men just didn't say things like that. They never said 'breathtaking' instead of beautiful. They certainly never said they were 'enchanted'. Natasha supposed maybe that was why he seemed to be the first person to ever actually evoke any sort of real response from her. Bruce was different. She hadn't even thought to tell him she wanted to continue whatever they had started a week ago when he had first kissed her, not until he went and made her weapons. She found it to be the most oddly endearing thing anyone had done for her.
And then he told her that she made his heart beat faster. It was adorable in the dorkiest of ways, something that he seemed to be an expert at, even if he didn't realize it. "Does that not work? Um... Captivated?"
She knew she was giving him an odd look now.
"Bewitched?" he offered up next.
She actually felt the corners of her lips twitching after that one.
"Charmed?" he tried.
"Bruce..." and she knew she was rolling her eyes when she drawled out his name with the tiniest smile.
"Mesmerized."
She couldn't help the small laugh now before she smacked him lightly on the chest, "Knock it off."
Bruce just gave her one his signature and quirky little smiles and she knew he was about to say something else equally as ridiculous. "I'm not leaving now just because you're feeling a little twitchy," came his joking repetition of a more serious moment years earlier.
Natasha really wanted to be able to smile at that but instead she simply turned her head away from the grip he had on her chin and laid back against the headboard. "Alright... so you're staying," she murmured as he nodded his agreement. "Then I guess I'll just apologize now," she added.
"For what? Trying to get me to run away?"
"Sure, I guess that can be implied with it," she stated numbly, "But I meant for later, when Stark triggers me." She could see the confusion written all over his face and she sighed, "Bruce, you haven't seen me at my worst. That me? That's my worst and if I can't kill you, then I will purposely try to hurt you, probably with the very things you've shared with me about...everything."
Bruce nodded a little at that, "Alright... well...if that happens, then for future reference, you're already forgiven."
Natasha wasn't entirely sure she believed that would still be true when it happened, but she faked a believable smile before she pressed her lips to his cheeks and then moved to rest her head on his shoulder, "Thanks."
"Anytime..."
She sort of doubted that too.
Bruce learned the hard way about two and a half days later that Natasha apologized ahead of time for good reason. She and Tony didn't tell him they started trying to find the trigger, he found that out the hard way as well. Bruce had only just stepped into the lab when he heard them talking.
"Nothing. Again. Jarvis, how many variables have we tried?"
"That was number three hundred and forty-two, sir."
There was a disdainful sigh that came from Natasha and Bruce found himself shaking his head before her next comment, "I'm done for today, my ears are going to be ringing for the next two weeks. Just open the door." Bruce wasn't all that certain, but she sounded strange, not at all herself. The warning bells all went off in his head but it seemed Tony didn't fall for it.
Tony glanced up with a raised eyebrow and narrowed eyes, "Yeah...no."
"You noticed the change, too?" Bruce questioned as he stepped up to Tony's desk.
Natasha settled them with a rather predatory little smirk that gave him the chills, then she made it worse with her comment, "That's adorable, really it is. You think you can read me, Doctor?"
Bruce gave her a slightly annoyed look, "I think you haven't called me Doctor since before we were friends."
"Friends?" she scoffed a little, "Is that all? I was under the impression you liked me more than that."
He blew out a frustrated breath at that.
Tony made it a million times worse, "I hate to say this but Robotasha has a point."
Natasha just snickered and strode towards them with a little sway that made Bruce gulp as she came to a stop at the glass. She was standing right in front of him now and those empty eyes bore an animosity that he wasn't sure any single person was actually capable of. "If I had gotten out, would you have been willing to hurt me?" she questioned with a coy little smile. Her eyes looked him up and down like he was prey for her to devour and this Natasha was more terrifying than the one who sent his heartbeat skyrocketing over just a kiss. "I might have liked it," she purred next and that was enough for him to take a step away from the glass.
"Too bad he didn't let me out," Natasha murmured as her eyes stalked the billionaire across the lab, "You're a bit like a rat, Stark. Terribly annoying but extremely satisfying once you kill it."
Bruce had seen more sides to Natasha than he ever imagined he might, but this side, this side was cold and calculating. This version of her only wanted death and since she couldn't find a way to actually murder somebody she simply used her words.
"Well, aren't you just a fun-filled little lollipop triple dipped in psycho?" and Bruce somehow found the sheer will not to laugh at the comment. "Sticks and stones, Romanoff," Tony sang out as he switched frequencies to lower ones.
She snickered slightly as she folded her arms across her chest before Bruce watched Natasha's eyes shift back to him. "Tell me something, Doc. How can you be so certain that I'm not the real Natasha?" she questioned.
"You're not."
"Who are you to say which side of me deserves to come out and play?" came the next question. "I was here first. I was the first twenty years."
"So the last ten just don't matter?" Bruce questioned as he studied her.
Her eyes narrowed slightly at that, "Are you really worried about my last ten years, Bruce? Or just the last ten days?" That smirk on her lips turned a little more playful, "Guarantee if you come in here that I can be just as interesting, and if you let me out, I can me much, much more interesting. I can offer more than just a little kiss."
"Ignore her," Tony called out from behind the computer, "She's not even the first twenty-years. She's mental programming, nothing more."
Natasha gave a murderous scowl in Tony's direction, "So you say."
Bruce watched as Tony held up the Red Room file and waved it at her, "So this says."
"Tony," Bruce chastised with a sigh. Maybe there was some other way to get through to her than hoping his friend found the frequency to cure Natasha of her 'Other Guy'. Other girl? No. Other lady? No. There was no decent way to put that. This was just 'Black Widow' through and through, sitting in his cage, looking more hostile than perhaps even The Hulk himself. He wasn't sure if the increased anger was for self-preservation or if Tony, as per usual, just brought out a more enraged side of her.
Tony motioned him over and Bruce frowned as he did so. Once he was close enough the billionaire whispered an admittance, "Been watching her brainwave patterns. Those patterns changed the moment the 'switch flipped'. You talking sort of makes it flicker back and forth... keep going."
That was surprising enough to hear but he went along with it for now as he moved back to the glass. Unfortunately Natasha had that little smirk mixed with empty eyes that told him something horrible was about to come out of her mouth, "Back to defend my honor, Doctor? Hoping that will bring me out of this 'shell' of my former self?" He frowned further as she placed a hand on the glass before him and he studied it with uncertainty. Once again, she contradicted one thing by doing another though. The gesture with her hand was almost gentle and simple but then she spoke, "You really think this little 'thing' here between us will work? Do you really think that this honesty policy you suggested is something I'm even capable of? I guarantee that I'm always lying. It's what I do." Natasha turned and gave Tony a pointed look, "It's programmed into me."
It stung more than he thought it would, and he wasn't sure exactly what he expected her to say, but that certainly wasn't it.
"That's still not Natasha, Bruce. Don't listen to her," Tony insisted.
And she wasn't done yet, because clearly if she couldn't kill or physically maim, she would do it verbally without missing a beat, "Do you want the truth?"
"Sure," Bruce stated. He really didn't want to hear any more of what she had to say, but he just needed to remember this wasn't really Natasha.
She snickered at the answer before making a simplistic statement of her own, "We won't work."
It stung again but it shouldn't have considering that was the number one thing he kept thinking to himself since all of this started. "Yeah..."
"Bruce..." came Tony's warning comment but Bruce just waved him off.
"Don't get me wrong," Natasha informed him next as she stepped away from the glass and took a seat on the chair in the center of the glass cell. She crossed one leg over the other and tilted her head to the side a little as she looked at him before speaking again, "You are rather adorable in that 'I really hate myself' way. I can see me in you and if you flip the switch back, I'll go back to hating myself too, then we can live self-loathingly ever after. How does that sound, Doctor?"
Not Natasha. Not Natasha. "And hating everything else is a better choice?" he dared to ask.
"Murder doesn't always coincide with hate," and a perverse little slanted smile formed on her lips, "It can be fun, in fact, I rather enjoy it."
"I'm sure..." Bruce mumbled with a shake of his head.
"Still don't think I'm a terrible person?" she questioned. "How about we discuss what happens when you're forced to either open that door or let me die in here?" came her next thought. "When you decide you're not willing to let me wither away in here, and you let me out, the first thing I'm going to do is kill Stark. It'll be slow and painful, but I'll let you watch, Doctor," she added with a careless little smile.
"Normal Natasha isn't a terrible person," Tony answered without a hint of worry about her threat to snuff him, "She's crazy, but just when I thought I reached the bottom level of crazy in her, you popped out and proved there's an insane little underground garage filled with dead bodies and disturbing threats to maim, torture and murder people."
Bruce sighed a little at that.
"That's just women in general, Stark," Natasha replied with a smirk, "We're chock full of crazy."
"Hmmm... well, our Natasha isn't just a woman," Tony replied with the barest little shrug. "Unlike your sadistic little minx of a self; she's a big cup of clever, covered in awesome sauce, with a splash of bitch and just a dash of crazy." Bruce had to admit he wasn't sure if any of that wasn't actually sarcasm but he didn't bother to say that out loud.
She snorted at that but decided to ignore Tony when she decided her attention was apparently better spent on Bruce himself. He cringed inwardly at whatever she might be able to throw out at him next but this one didn't hurt so much since he already knew the answer, "Do you really think I could love you?"
Bruce just shook his head at that, "No." That seemed to annoy her just a little that he didn't give her another answer to that question and he gave a halfhearted little chuckle, "That's one thing you've never hidden from...anybody. Love is for children, your exact words, and you were never a child." There was that flicker of recognition in her eyes for just a moment that gave him hope but it faded just as easily. When he glanced back at Tony he could see the billionaire looking a little weary. He must have had that same brief moment of hope at seeing the brainwave patterns change as Bruce had when the hollowness in her eyes faded for a moment.
"Then why bother if you know that? Why try to get behind the walls when you know I won't ever feel that way for a monster?"
Not Natasha. Definitely not Natasha...Given that it was his own thoughts on the subject simply being voiced by her, it hurt more than anything else she had said yet and given the pleased little smile she wore, he had a feeling she was well aware of that. He could actually feel Tony's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head but Bruce figured this was the best time to broach the subject of his own thoughts. "You know, Nat, since all of this started I try to see myself through your eyes..." and she looked uninterested in whatever he was about to say even if it was a comment he had made to her just before the mission that led to this Natasha. But this time he finished his thought, "But when I do that I just sit here and think to myself 'why?'. You could have anybody you want and I can't understand what you see in a monster like me."
For half a second she looked like she might comment harshly once again, but those green eyes blinked a few times and he saw the voids fill with what looked like pained regret, and Natasha was back on her feet and moving towards him. "That's not even remotely true and even if it was, Bruce, then you clearly aren't seeing things through my eyes. You look at yourself through this cracked little mirror and you can't see anything else except what you think of yourself, and no offense, your opinion sucks," she told him as she placed her hand on the glass.
That actually made him chuckle a little in relief before he glanced back over at Tony and when the billionaire nodded, that relief grew substantially, so Bruce turned back to Natasha behind the glass. He gave the smallest shrug as he placed his hand on the glass over hers.
She blinked several more times and then a more familiar slanted smile formed at one corner of her lips, "Bruce, did you just manipulate me?"
"A little," he admitted.
He heard Tony guffaw behind the computer, "Great, you're turning Bruce into a spy. Even I thought he was serious."
Natasha shook her head slightly and Bruce had a feeling she saw the the manipulation for what it was. It was multitasking. Partially to get through to her, partially to say what he really thought.
"Can you just open the—" Bruce didn't even get to finish that comment before Natasha cut him off.
"No. Not yet...make sure that my triple-dipped self stays where she is first..."
"Natasha..."
"An hour. At least..." she insisted.
Tony cleared his throat at that as he glanced between the two of them, "Right. Well, I'll come back in an hour then."
Bruce watched him go before he turned back to Natasha who was wearing that knowing look. "It wasn't all a manipulation, was it?" she questioned. At the shake of his head he saw her sigh. "You're not a monster, Bruce," came the comment the moment Tony was gone and before he could even think to correct her on that she was continuing, "and neither is the Big Guy."
"Natasha—"
"If you're a monster then what does that make me?" she questioned next.
He was about to answer that but then he narrowed his eyes slightly as she rubbed at her temples and closed her eyes, "Are you alright?"
She gave the smallest sideways nod, "Just a headache. Look...about everything I said—"
"Don't apologize, you already did that," Bruce reminded her. "And you're not a monster either..." he added. There was one question gnawing at him, "Do you...really hate yourself?"
Her silence was the only answer he really needed and she scrunched her nose up a little before she spoke again, "This is why I didn't tell you we were starting this."
If there was ever a time to push answers from her, this was probably the time to do it since she couldn't run away, but he thought better of it. Instead he gave her the smallest smile, "Well... good thing I showed up anyways. Doesn't look to me like you and Tony came up with a bathroom plan..."
Natasha snorted out the smallest laugh at that as she shook her head. "You know what? We really didn't..." she admitted with a bemused look.
"Are you sure you're alright?"
"No," she admitted with a frown, "And much as I appreciate you talking me out of that, it means we still need to do this again and find the actual trigger, unless you think you can magically convince my insane self to talk it out and not kill Tony when I'm not trapped behind glass."
"Maybe make a bathroom plan for that..." he suggested. She didn't smile this time, or react at all, and Bruce frowned at that, "You're really not okay..."
She gave the smallest little shake of her head.
"It wasn't you, Natasha."
"Wasn't it?" she questioned as she moved away and sat back in the chair. "Anything I said might have been out of my control, but I didn't feel different than I used to..." she released with a sigh.
"How did you feel?"
She shrugged at that, "Empty and angry."
"When did you stop feeling that way?" he dared to ask.
Natasha blinked a few times, "Before this?" There was something to that comment but he let her get it out as he nodded his head in response. "I stopped feeling that way when Clint dragged me to SHIELD. He gave me a friend, taught me how to trust, and gave me something to fight for. And I held onto all of that right up until I realized I was working for HYDRA. I felt that way again for over two months and then Tony left me on that stupid airstrip in India," and she scrunched up her nose a little at that, "which also sort of made me angrier."
Bruce chuckled at that.
"You're the first person who heard me have a nightmare and dared to walk in to try and help," she finally told him. "Admittedly, that sort of pissed me off too..." and he grinned at that, "but...only at the time." Something was definitely bothering her and apparently she decided a glass barrier between them would make for a good time to bring it up, "Do you really think we won't work?"
He opened his mouth to deny that before he remembered that he had already agreed with her angrier half's statement to that fact. Instead he just went with the answer that came right to mind, "I don't know."
Natasha gave him a sad smile, "Yeah, me neither."
That made him chuckle, "Wasn't this your idea?"
"Well, yeah, but I'm not exactly an expert on this."
That was when he remembered he was at least one-up on her on the 'relationships' scale. Natasha had never been in love or formed a relationship, not to his knowledge, yet somehow the closed off spy and assassin had decided she wanted a 'this' with him. Bruce was the one making this hard on them and now this glass barrier was even more annoying than it was before. "Jarvis, open the cell," he requested.
"Since Miss Romanoff's brainwaves still match with...herself, I shall open it for you, Doctor."
Sure enough, Jarvis opened it and Bruce stepped through the open door and over to the chair. He crouched down in front of her at the chair, "I haven't really been all that...I mean I didn't really think to try anything with anyone since—I definitely didn't expect you..." his explanation was coming out fragmented and apparently he wasn't any better at explaining this to her.
Apparently that upped her mood though because her 'real' smile appeared as she shook her head at him, "You really are a dork, Bruce."
"And you really do like that, don't you?" he questioned in amused disbelief.
She had on another slanted little smile and he huffed out a little laugh before she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his for just a second. When she pulled away she agreed, "I kind of do."
"That scares the crap out me me..." it made Natasha snicker. "You sort of scare the crap out of me. And a relationship scares me more. The Other Guy doesn't really do relationships."
"Bruce," she stopped him short and held his chin in her fingertips before she continued, "it doesn't need a definition. We don't need a definition, or to be a relationship, or whatever. I don't need more, remember?"
"Yeah...yeah, I remember."
"If I decide I do, you'll be the first to know."
"Is there gonna be a code word or a code phrase for that?"
Natasha snorted out a laugh as she released his chin, "Sure. There can be a code phrase for that." She looked more relaxed than she had since returning to herself and at least that made him feel a little better too. "If I decide I need more, or want more, I'll ask you a question," came her next comment.
"And the question would be...?"
"I'll ask you if I should fight it or if I should run with it," she told him with a smile, "And then it'll be your move."
He gave a small nod to that, "Alright."
"Alright."
"Psychobitch me is exhausting by the way," she added with a chuckle.
"I bet," he couldn't help but give an amused shake of his head at that.
"Hey, Romanoff, Barton's on the phone and says he needs your help to fly the coop? His words, not might, I swear," came Tony's voice as his head popped through the doors to the lab, "Want me to have Jarvis sync him over the lab's speakers?"
Bruce watched as Natasha chuckled a little, "Sure."
Tony disappeared just as quickly as Jarvis' voice rang out, "Mister Barton, you are on with Miss Romanoff and Doctor Banner."
"Thanks Jarvis. Nat, Banner," came the archer's greeting.
"Hey," came their collective response at once.
Apparently Clint decided to ignore their synchronized greeting or didn't notice, "So, Stark sent me a message that said assemble? In which case, you know, I'm going to need you to spring me from the coop."
Bruce gave an odd look at that and watched as Natasha gave a rather unladylike snort of laughter as she shook her head, "Alright."
"You have time?"
"Sure...I'll see you in," she scrunched up her nose. "I need sleep first... so, two days."
Silence came over the speaker for a moment before Clint thought to reply to that, "Did you just admit to being a human being that requires sleep?"
"Jarvis, hang up on him now."
"Hey!"
"Certainly, Miss Romanoff."
Bruce couldn't hold back the laugh as he heard the click of Jarvis hanging up on Clint.
"You tired?" she questioned.
He smiled a little at that, "Yeah..." He stood back up and held a hand out to help her up and out of the chair. She took it without thought and he remembered not that long ago when he took her bag to be helpful and thought she might physically harm him for it. She didn't release his hand as she tugged him towards the lab's exit, "Your bed or mine?"
"Did you just proposition me?"
And that made his face red all over again especially when she gave him that coy little smile.
Let's thank SweetChi for the role-reversal idea here :) I loved it. Hope I did alright with that idea!