A/N: Hello everyone, I'm back! Classes are done, final essays are turned in, and now it's just my dissertation to focus on. Thank you all for sticking with this story, I can't tell you how wonderful all of you are. Thank you so much for all of the reviews. So, this chapter is a bit shorter. I think you'll understand why I had to end it where I did. And um.. please don't hate me when this chapter's done. Okay, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Twilight and characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Only the plot is mine.

Chapter 17

EPov

"This just isn't going to work Edward."

"I know Mr. Sondheim, I know. He's not tall enough."

Dream Stephen Sondheim nodded and backed up to stare at the actor in front of us. "He's too small."

That's what I said, I thought petulantly, Stephen Sondheim never listens to me.

I sat down on the stage next to the giant elephant and waited for Stephen Sondheim to make a decision. Jasper suddenly appeared next to me in nothing but my "BBQ Naked: Show off your buns" apron. He handed me my piña colada with an umbrella and a wink and then turned around, letting me watch the muscles in his ass move as he walked.

"Edward," Stephen Sondheim turned back to me, "We can't have a short prince. The audience demands tall princes. We'll have to put him in heels. You're wearing heels, let him borrow yours."

Heels? I am? I looked down and sure enough, I was sporting a lovely pair of red high heels. Well waddya know…

But I didn't really want to give up my pretty heels to the short actor. He could borrow someone else's heels. Stephen Sondheim was wearing heels, why couldn't he give up his? Besides, they were black and would match the outfit better.

"Jasper," Stephen Sondheim yelled and instantly my dream Jasper – who wasn't nearly as attractive as Reality Jasper—appeared before us. "I'm going to sell you for Edward's heels."

Jasper for my heels? Oh, well that's fair then. I took off my heels and tugged Jasper over towards me motioning for him to stay by my side. But dream Jasper had other ideas. As I watched Stephen Sondheim teach the short actor how to walk like a man in heels, I felt a mouth engulf my erection. I didn't even know I was hard. How'd my pants get off?

The thought was lost though as Jasper's tongue teased my slit causing my hips to buck.

"Edward," Stephen Sondheim glared at me, but for once I ignored him. He could plan a hit Broadway show without me for the moment. Besides, he never listens to me, I reminded myself. I focused on the feeling of Jasper's warm mouth wrapped around my cock.

"Edward," Stephen called. Jasper's tongue now ran along the vein of my cock. I groaned and buried my hands into his blond curls and pulled him closer.

"Edward…. Edward…" Stephen Sondheim's voice was drifting farther away and it sounded like Jasper calling me. But that wasn't possible, he was wrapped around my cock, hollowing his cheeks and urging me closer to the edge.

"Edward, wake the fuck up." That didn't really fit with my dream either. I slowly drifted away, watching Stephen Sondheim, the actor, and the elephant fade away. That glorious feeling remained though. I cracked my eyes open finding my room flooded with sunshine. I heard a throat clear from lower on the bed and looked down.

There between my legs was Jasper, looking at me with his eyebrow cocked and an amused smile. I noticed that I was naked and sporting a rather large erection. So maybe my dream wasn't as much of a dream as I thought.

"Why'd you stop?" I mumbled.

"Well, when my boyfriend called me Stephen Sondheim and told me to stop talking, I thought I'd wake you up."

"But I wasn't calling you that, I was telling him to fuck off because you were giving me a blow job," I frowned down at him, "but now you stopped."

"I'm sorry love, would you like me to continue?"

"Yes please."

Without another word Jasper engulfed my cock again. It didn't last as long as I'd like, having already been on the edge. But it was hard to care when I could smell Jasper surrounding me. His scent was on the pillows, on the sheets, and even on me, and that thought made every nerve in my body feel like it was on fire. I tried to keep my hips from bucking against him, but Jasper didn't help. One had reached up and began tweaking my hardened nipple while the other fondled my balls.

"Fuck – Jasper I'm gonna," I didn't get a chance to finish before my orgasm rolled through me. I collapsed against the pillows while Jasper climbed up my body and laid between my legs.

"Good morning," He said. I answered him by capturing his lips with a kiss. Jasper immediately deepened it, and I could taste myself on his tongue. His erection was pressed against my hip and, knowing exactly what he was asking, I wrapped my legs around his waist and raised my hips, urging him forward.

He pressed into me slowly, letting our bodies reconnect. I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer against me, bringing him as deep into me as he could. He pulled out and thrust again, slowly giving my body time to respond. It never took long for me to get hard and sure enough, soon my cock was trapped between out bodies as Jasper slammed into me, almost making me cum then and there.

He pulled out of me, smiling at my whimper of protest before he kissed me deeply and flipped me over, lifting me until his chest was pressed against my back. He took both my hands, covering them with his own, and wrapped them around the headboard of the bed. Then he entered me again, hitting my prostate with each thrust.

His hand left one of mine and reached down to wrap around my cock as he pulled in time with his thrusts. I pressed back against him and let my free hand reach around to his neck and pull him in for another kiss. Our tongues tangled and I couldn't help but nip his lip lightly, making him moan into my mouth. He was slowly losing his rhythm, so I knew that he was close. I tightened my muscles around him, and sure enough with a final thrust Jasper exploded inside me. I followed soon after and we both dropped to the bed, curling around each other.

I laid my head on Jasper's chest and watched his chest rise as his breathing regulated.

"Who the fuck's Stephen Sondheim?" Jasper finally asked.

"Seriously?" I sat up and looked down at him. The sun was hitting him perfectly and illuminating his curls into a golden fire around his head. "How can you be gay and never have heard of Stephen Sondheim?"

Jasper cocked an eyebrow – a mannerism that I think he picked up from me. We'd been doing that lately. Even Alice noticed last week at dinner that Jasper has become more 'neurotic' and term I objected to. She also said I'm becoming more sarcastic, but I don't believe her. I'm just more open when Jasper's around.

"I didn't know there were rules to being gay."

"Obviously there aren't. But I would've have thought that with you liking music you'd know who he is."

"So he's a musician? Were you dreaming about another musician besides me?"

"First off, you're hardly a musician," I rolled my eyes at Jasper's indignant expression, "Second, he was in the dream, but you were the one giving the blow job. There's no reason to be jealous. I also dreamed about an elephant, but you aren't getting pissy about that."

"You dreamed about an elephant? There was an elephant there while I sucked you off? You have some fucked up dreams," Jasper laughed.

"It's not like I can control them. Besides, I blame the Chinese we had last night," I said. I got up and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower before I had to start lessons knowing that Jasper had gone to the kitchen to start the coffee.

We had settled into a complete routine. I'd shower first while Jasper started coffee and ate breakfast. Then he'd shower while I worked on my music. Some mornings we'd shower together, but they were only on the days when we'd have enough time to fuck – because usually that's what we'd end up doing if we were ever naked in the save vicinity as each other.

We'd been back from the Whitlock reunion for a few weeks and everything was going wonderfully. Too wonderfully I thought some days. On my pessimistic days I'd wonder when the bottom was going to drop out. But mostly I was astonished that someone as wonderful as Jasper was willing to stay with me, wanted to spend time with me, and actually loved me.

Jasper's performance for his class was next week and we had been practicing every night after Jasper got home. This was why we usually spent our time at my house, but on weekends I'd give him a break and we'd go to his apartment. The first thing I did the first time I spent the night was stock his kitchen. Crackers just wouldn't cut it for me. I also shut the door to that hideous bathroom whenever I was there, which always made Jasper laugh at me. But it was disgusting and hurt my eyes to even look at it. Which of course meant that Jasper took every opportunity to leave the door wide open and try to convince me to use it.

I sat down at my piano with my cup of coffee. I felt myself become awakened and energised as each note surrounded me. I would be finding out about the competition within the next few weeks. Just the stress of that situation made me instantly nauseas. With each day that drew closer I began dreading the moment I'd hear from them. I wished that I had never tried, so that I couldn't fail. I just wanted my normal, boring, safe life back – but I had been miserable then. The stress of the situation was beginning to get to me, and it was a daily struggle to not withdraw into myself and deal with it on my own.

Not that I had told Jasper anything about it. He knew that I was nervous but he didn't know why, and I hadn't told him how important this was to me. It was my last chance to be something other than a teacher. Even if I never had anyone ever play my own songs, as long as someone acknowledged me as a composer then I'd feel like I had accomplished something. And if I didn't…

I wasn't ready to think about that right now. Because it was all I thought about and I knew I'd drive myself crazy if I didn't stop thinking.

In the back of my head I knew, as far as my life, that I'd be fine. I knew that Jasper would stand by me and support me. I knew that Jasper would never value my worth in how I successful I was. But that was how I had learned to value myself – I had to be the best and be worthy to get my father's attention away from his job and on me. He didn't mean to do it, I knew that, but it's hard to grow up thinking that you had to be the best to warrant your fathers attention. I never got over that. Jasper was the first person that I knew wanted to spend time with me for me. I never had to fight for his attention because he was perfectly willing to let the world go to hell if it meant he could spend time with me.

But I was watching my dream slip away and if I lost that it'd take me a while to be happy again. My joy was in my music; but where would that joy be if my music wasn't judged to be good enough?

"Is that one of yours?" Jasper asked, startling me out of my depressive musings.

"No, it's by Ludovico Einaudi. This song always calms me."

Jasper made a thoughtful noise in his throat and sat down next to me. "Did you need to be calmed? I gave you a mind blowing orgasm an hour ago."

"Haha, you're very funny."

"I know I am," Jasper replied, his familiar cocky attitude shining through and helping me feel better just by being around him. "I need to go," He groaned, "Do you wanna teach my classes today? I'll let your students rock out on a piano of you go and lecture about the Civil War."

"That would not be a good idea. I don't know that much about the Civil War, all I'd be doing would be saying, 'some dirty men fought some other dirty men with guns.' Somehow I think you'd get fired for that one."

"Hey, just by that you already know more about he Civil War than half the students sitting in my class." Jasper got up and leaned down pulling me in for a kiss, "Have a good day love, I'll see you later."

As he walked out of the room I felt a bit put out that he didn't ask why I needed to be calmed. I knew he was busy and had a lot on his mind, but he never really asked me what was wrong. This had been going on for a few days and as time went on, as he noticed little things but wouldn't push me to talk about them, it became harder for me to open up.

The rest of my day passed quickly with students passing in and out of my house. And it was a constant battle to keep my mind from wandering from the task at hand. By the time Jasper arrived I was completely ready to be distracted by him.

I was cooking dinner when I heard the front door open and it took everything within me to not drop the pan of stir-fry and dive into Jasper's arms. Fortunately Jasper did it for me, wrapping his arms around me and propping his chin on my shoulder.

"Smells good love," He murmured into my hair. He placed a soft kiss on my neck before releasing me. "I'm so ready to sit around and do nothing tonight."

"Tough day in the classroom?" I asked.

"No classes aren't bad. But it's getting closer to the end of the semester and I have a lot of grading that I need to get done tonight. I've been hunched over papers all afternoon and I'm already getting a kink in my neck."

"Aww, poor baby," I teased. Jasper laughed and smacked my ass before going to change out of his suit. I pulled some plates out of the cabinets and put the food on them. Handing Jasper his plate when he came out, I asked, "Would you like to eat on the couch? You can relax before you have to grade papers."

"That sounds wonderful. My brain hurts from having to read the papers my students have half-assed. But enough about me, how was your day?"

I opened my mouth to tell him, but it was such a small thing, really. It was just nerves and I didn't need to burden him with my insecurities. He already had too much on his mind. I shook my head, "Not much, just the usual. Just, you know, thinking about things that are coming up." There. I dropped him a hint and he could take it up if he wanted to.

"Yeah I know. I just keep thinking about the performance next week. I keep dreaming about getting there and forgetting how the play. Once I dreamed that my fingers were webbed and I just kept banging on the keys…" As Jasper kept telling me about his dreams and worried about the performance, I couldn't help being disappointed that he didn't know what I was hinting at.

But maybe I was being too selfish. He was really worried about his performance and I couldn't resent him for being focused on it. Besides, I could certainly handle it on my own.

We talked about more about his day and the papers that he had already graded as we ate and watched TV before curling up on the couch. I laid my head in Jasper's lap while Jasper used my back as a table to lay his papers on. His fingers weaved themselves through my hair and calmed my mind of all my stress from the day. Before I knew it he had lulled me to sleep.

I was going crazy. It was the only thing that I could think of, because a sane person wouldn't feel this way. There were times during the day where I wanted to run and hide under a rock somewhere no one could find me. Then other times I was so nervous that my stomach felt like it wanted to expel itself from my body.

And Jasper.

Every single time he asked me what was wrong – why I was so on edge, why I was so tense, if I was feeling all right – I'd snap at him. He was being so nice, and that pissed me off more. There wasn't a reason for him to put up with me and whenever I'd snap at him I'd instantly regret it. Yet it was like I couldn't help it. I knew that I was taking my nerves out on him but I wasn't willing to let him know what I was nervous about.

I didn't know if he knew that the notification date for the competition was coming up. I hadn't mentioned it for a month and after my attempt to hint at it, I'd dropped it. Plus he was so busy preparing for the end of term. He was also doing research for a paper that he was writing, so his head was always in some book or poring over some historical document. We spoke about everything it seemed; we still had sex as many times as we could squeeze into a day. But I couldn't speak to him about this because there was a part of me that resented the fact that he didn't remember the competition.

At my lowest times I'd wonder why he couldn't remember this one thing when I had put aside months to help with his music piece for his class. Hell, I'd taken away my evenings and weekends for him. I'd transcribed a song for him. I had taken time off to visit his family. I always knew what he was working on for classes and research. And he couldn't remember one day for me.

As I watched him making a sandwich I thought about what my life would've been like at that moment if I hadn't met Jasper. I'd be lonelier, that was a given. Jasper had given me so much in such a short amount of time. And I couldn't shake the feeling that someday he'd realise what a waste of time I'd been. All these months that he had spent with me – while they had been life-changing for me – would just be months thrown away. I knew it was irrational and that it was a thought that steamed from my insecurities. But the fights that we had – that I had instigated—had only heightened them.

Jasper watched me studying him and I could see the concern etched across his face. "Edward, will you please tell me what's wrong with you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me. I told you, I'm fine," I said, immediately on the defensive. We'd had this conversation for days so I knew how it would go, what my timing was, what my lines were, and the right amount of inflection that each word would receive.

"Like hell you are," Jasper said forcefully, fighting back, "something's wrong and you aren't telling me what it is."

"Just leave it alone Jasper. It's none of your business." Jasper's eyebrows shot up and I could immediately see the hurt and anger in his eyes. I wanted to apologise. I wanted to sit him down, put my head in his lap and cry out my sorrows while he ran his fingers through my hair and told me that everything would be all right. Instead I pushed him farther away. "I don't have to tell you every little thing that goes on with me."

"I'm sorry," Jasper said slowly as he tried to figure out what was going on, "See I thought that when you're in a relationship, when you say you love someone, then you tell them everything about you. That's why I fucking share with you when I have an issue." Jasper was almost yelling back and that was what I wanted. I wanted him to yell at me, to fight back, to force the answer out of me because I couldn't tell him myself.

"It's not my problem if you feel like you need to share every little thing that crosses your mind with me. But I don't have to tell you everything I think."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me every fucking thought that passes through your head. But when there's something that's bothering you this much, so much that you act like a bitch whenever I show you that I care about how you're feeling, then that I want you to share with me," Jasper yelled.

"I'm not acting like a bitch," I yelled back. I took a step closer to him and had to stop myself from physically hurting him. Jasper seemed to understand that I wasn't acting rationally because he instantly tried to calm himself down.

"Edward, I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry that I said that, I just don't understand why you won't talk to me."

It pissed me off even more that he was able to control himself, like he was disregarding my emotions by not fighting back at me, and somewhere inside it was like another criticism of myself. I wasn't worthy because I couldn't pull myself back from the edge the way Jasper could. I was lesser because I had to hurt him to make myself feel better. And that made me want to hurt him more. If I had to doubt and worry over every aspect of my life, if I had to wonder if I was good enough, then he should too.

"But don't you know? If you care about me so much, shouldn't you know? I tried to tell you, but you didn't listen to me. Obviously you don't care about me as much as I thought otherwise you'd realise what was going on and you'd stop fucking asking me every damned day when you should already know. I shouldn't have to tell you."

"Don't you dare," Jasper said, "Don't you dare doubt my feelings for you. I'm sorry if you feel that I missed something, I didn't try to. But I can't know everything and I do expect you to let me know when I fuck up. Don't you dare say that I don't love you because I messed up once. Because news flash, Edward, you're not perfect either."

That was the moment. I needed him to leave; I needed him out of my house. I couldn't look at him without hating myself and didn't need him there reminding me that the entire situation was my fault stemming from my stubbornness. From my inability to share my insecurities with him. From my lack.

I fixed him with my sharpest glare and said in my strongest voice, "There isn't anything wrong. And if there were, I certainly wouldn't tell you."

"Why won't you tell me?" Jasper pleaded, "Please Edward, just tell me what's your problem."

"What's my problem?" I screamed, rounding on him, "My problem right now is you. Why don't you mind your own fucking business and just leave me the fuck alone. I don't need you here and I don't want you here nagging me." The moment the words flew out of my mouth I wanted to take them back. I wanted to take Jasper into my arms and wipe away the tears I could see forming in his eyes. But I couldn't. My defensive need to hurt him to detract from the terror that I had been consumed with for weeks was too great. I hated myself for hurting him, but I couldn't stop. I felt ignored by him, I felt unimportant to him, and no matter how wrong I knew I was, I couldn't stop hurting him.

"If you don't want me here then just say so," Jasper said with a calm control that I knew was hiding how strongly he was feeling this betrayal.

"I don't want you here," I spat out, "I want you gone. I want to be left alone."

There was a moment of silence as I watched Jasper break in front of me. He turned away with great heaving gasps as he collected him self. When he turned back his eyes were hard and cold.

"Fine, you win. I'm gone."

I watched him walk past me into the living room. I watched him gather his things and get his toothbrush from the bathroom. I watched him walk out the door. And I watched his car drive down the street.

I watched the man I loved more than anything in the world drive away from me.

And as I shut the front door, not knowing when I'd see Jasper again, I collapsed on the floor; hating myself more than I thought was ever possible. His final words to me – "Call me when you grow up" – rang in my ears.

I cried myself to sleep that night more convinced than ever that I couldn't do anything right.

A/N: Still there? I'm sorry, I am. I'm sorry that Edward had a bit of a freak out, but we're reaching the end of the story and well, it was necessary. Besides, Edward doesn't handle stress too well; he's too much of an analyser and this is the horrible result. I hope you're all still with me in this and aren't too mad at me. Next time we'll get Jaspers POV. Poor guy.

Until next time, please don't flame-kill me... AJ Kelly