A/N: I'm back! Hope this was worth the wait. Apologise for any mistakes, I've only looked over this briefly.

Disclaimer: Twilight and characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Only the plot is mine.

Chapter 19

EPov

It had been the worst three weeks of my life, filled with confronting personal issues I didn't want to touch with a ten foot pole, having my sister practically move in with me and hover over me twenty-four hours a day, and freaking out over my competition. And I had to suffer through all those things without Jasper. Because I had pushed him away.

So when he showed up there didn't seem to be enough words to tell him how sorry I was. Or how thankful I was that he hadn't given up on me. I knew that there was a lot that we needed to talk about, but for now, I was content to let him hold me and give me comfort.

And stepping out onto that stage – knowing that my father, my sister and my Jasper were watching me, rooting for me – I felt like I could actually do this.

I sat down at the piano and placed my hands on the keys. I closed my eyes for a moment, envisioning Jasper behind me, in front of me, and around me. I was playing for Jasper. Only Jasper. That wasn't so stressful.

I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and began to play.

I could almost feel the emotions of the music flowing from me. The songs that were so much a part of me flew effortlessly from my fingers and I struck each key with a measure of passion. I allowed the music to speak for itself, changing tempo and tone when I felt inspired. It was different, and yet exactly the same as every time I had played it before. Except this time I didn't worry about the correct notes or proper form, I just played how I felt at the moment. All the pain, longing, lust, and love that had been consuming me the past three weeks were thrown into the music.

And the entire time I focused on only one person in the room. When it was just Jasper in my mind, my nerves fled. There was no reason to feel nauseated, nervous, or like my fingers were lead. The judges were gone. It was just the two of us.

The first song was over and I moved on to the next one putting in the same emotion and passion as the previous one. The final song was the one I wrote when Jasper was on my mind. No matter how hard I tried not to, somehow he managed to influence it. It was the perfect piece to end on and I hoped that Jasper could hear the sadness and apology in my playing as well as all the love I had for him. Then before I knew it I was done. All three of my songs were complete and for the life of me I could barely remember playing them at all.

I walked off the stage in a trance and it was only Jasper's grinning face greeting me that made me think that maybe I had done well. He engulfed me in a hug as he pulled me deeper backstage.

"Edward, that was amazing! You were so great and I'm so proud of you," He exclaimed.

I squeezed my fists together to stop the shaking that seemed to have overcome me. "Did I mess up at all? Freeze? I think I went into a nervous shock because I don't really remember a lot of my performance," I admitted.

Jasper stopped me and turned me to face him, "Edward, you were perfect. If you messed up, it wasn't noticeable at all. But I don't think you did. You played beautifully, love." Then he pulled me into a kiss and everything seemed to realign.

"We should probably watch the other performers. There're still four left," I said. I pulled myself away from him, but kept his hand in mine. After being without Jasper for so long I needed to touch him and make sure he wouldn't disappear.

We sat back in my corner and listened to the other performers but I was more focused on Jasper's fingers running through my hair.

Three weeks without him had taken a toll. While I knew I needed to get my shit together and confront my issues before dragging Jasper into them, having him with me would have made everything easier.

First there was the constant presence of my sister, who I love to bits but if I see her face again after this night anytime soon I might have to scream. Or throw something at her. Granted, I didn't want to get rid of her. I needed someone there with me, making me feel like I wasn't alone. It was just that her being there reminded me that Jasper wasn't.

Then Alice dragged me to that bitch of a counsellor. Alice had to threaten me to get me to open up to her, and I still stubbornly maintain that Maria, (That was her name. "Call me Maria. I'm your friend," She said, right before she asked me why I was so tense. Pardon me, but my real friends don't psychoanalyse my every finger twitch), was trying to get into my pants. She suggested hypnosis once and even though I don't believe in that shit, I wasn't about to let her try open my head up and do something to me. I've read about false memories. The last thing I needed was a sudden desire to sleep with my psychiatrist.

What really helped the most was talking with my father. I received no validation from him; there were no sappy words either. But sitting there in front of him, comparing the man he now was and who I had always believed him to be, to the person I had become, I felt freed from him. Finally seeing the man helped me realise that everything I had ever done was to try to win his approval, and honestly he wasn't worth the worry anymore.

I loved him, he was my father, but there was nothing spectacular about him. Did I still want his attention and affirmations? Yes, of course. What child doesn't? But I realised that I now had something greater.

I had Jasper.

His approval was now more important – and more valued – than my father's was. I had fucked that up royally with my outburst, but if he gave me the chance to explain I would do anything in my power to make it up to him.

And sitting backstage with him at what was one of the hardest and most life-changing things I had ever done, I again realised that I didn't care what anyone else thought. I had Jasper.

I tilted my head up to kiss his jaw. "Have I told you thank you for coming yet?"

"Yeah, but feel free to tell me again," he said with a smile.

"I'm serious," I said, lightly punching his arm, "I really don't think I could have handled this if you weren't here. And with the way I've been acting, I really don't deserve you to be here. To be so understanding about everything."

"Edward, of course I'd be here. Though I admit if you had been handling this better I probably wouldn't have let you know that I was here. But I still would've come. You're my boyfriend, and yeah, we had a fight."

"A big fight," I interjected.

"A big motherfucking fight," Jasper amended. "And I gave you space to figure your shit out, but I still thought of you as my boyfriend. I still waited for you to call me. And, well, then I got impatient and decided that whatever shit you still have to figure out is now going to include me following you around and getting in your way. Because, baby, I'm horny."

I pulled away from him, smirking at the displeased look on his face, "That's why you came back? You're horny?"

"Why else? I love you for your body. Now get back here." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and tugged me back to his chest.

"I missed you," I said after we had been quiet for a minute. "These weeks have been so tough, and all I wanted was for you to tell me that everything was going to be okay. But you weren't there, and it was all my fault. But you know what I've realised?"

"What?"

"I used to be so wrapped up in what other's thought. If I wasn't perfect then no one would love me. I wouldn't be worth anyone's time. I grew up thinking I needed to be perfect to be worth attention and love. But then I met you." I sat up so that I could look at Jasper. "I spoke to my father this week. I mean, I really spoke to him. It was the first time since I was a child that I felt that I had my father's undivided attention. That's what I've worked so hard for my entire life – my father telling me that he's proud of me, that he finds me worthy to be his son.

"But I sat in front of him and suddenly I didn't care anymore. Because he wasn't you. Somehow your opinion has become the most important thing to me. I don't need my father's approval. As long as I have you, then I know I'm worth it."

Jasper smiled a brilliant smile and kissed my forehead, "Love, you're worth it without me."

"But that's what I'm saying. I don't feel like I need to earn your attention. I have it just for being me. And that's more valuable than any of the attention my father gave me."

Jasper didn't seem to know how to respond to that, so he gave me another kiss. This one was sweeter and after my confession, to me this kiss symbolised our new relationship. No more holding things back and no more being scared.

We listened to the rest of the performers and stole quick kisses, but too soon it was time for the announcement of the winner. My nerves returned instantly and I tensed. I could feel Jasper's arm tighten around me as I stiffened, but even knowing that he was with me didn't lessen my nervousness.

This was the moment. I could see my entire career flashing before my eyes.

As I was pushed back onto the stage by Jasper and joined the line of my fellow performers, we all bowed to the applause. I noticed a blonde girl next to me was just as stiff as I was and that made me feel a bit better. At least I wasn't the only one who felt like if I bowed too low I'd probably puke.

I straightened back up and we were herded us to the side of the stage. The judges were discussing quietly and writing something down. Then a female judge passed an envelope down to the director of the Association. He stood and was passed a microphone.

He cleared his throat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to thank you for attending tonight. All our composers are exceptionally talented and it has been a privilege to hear your works," He paused for applause, and I wanted to yell at the audience to shut up so we could get this over with. "This has been a very difficult decision, however one has been made.

"In Third place we have Keo Mak," the audience applauded and an Asian-American woman stepped up and accepted her dopey little trophy. The trophies were unnecessary in my opinion. Only first and second place got any form of reward. Plus the trophy. But that's not why anyone applied for this. It was the recognition; it was the opportunity to be heard by people who wouldn't have given you the time of day otherwise. The trophy was like giving kids a sticker after their dentist has tortured them by attacking their teeth.

After she returned to the line, the hall silenced and everyone leaned forward to hear the next name announced.

"In second place… Edward Cullen." Disappointment immediately flooded me, but before I could get myself down, I heard Jasper's roar of applause over everyone else's. And that made it all okay. I hadn't placed first, but I had done something I didn't know I was capable of and I had Jasper back. I hadn't won, but I still felt like I was a success.

I didn't pay attention to who had actually won. I was too busy looking at my trophy (which, now that I had it, wasn't so bad after all). Yes, I felt like I had won something.

I left the stage and went straight into Jasper's arms taking a deep sigh of relief as soon as I felt his arms around me.

"Congrats," Jasper whispered.

"I didn't win," I pointed out.

"You got second. Besides, you were better than that punk who actually won. So you're the winner to me."

"Jasper, that's mean. He deserved to win," I didn't actually know who he was talking about, but it was nice that Jasper still thought I was better.

"Well maybe I'm biased," Jasper said flippantly. He grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the stage. I quickly grabbed my bag and sheet music, Jasper all the while tugging impatiently on my hand to get me to go faster.

"Why are you so impatient? I have to pack up my stuff."

"What? We have to meet your family. They'll want to congratulate you. Plus I bet there's food and drinks out there and I'm starving," He added as a side note.

I smiled softly, allowing the thrilled emotions of having my Jasper back roll over me. "Well, if you're hungry."

"I am. I haven't eaten anything in hours. And nerves make me hungry."

"What did you have to be nervous about?" I protested.

"You. I didn't know if you'd be happy to see me here, what you'd do. And not to mention how nervous I was for you out there. I swear, I almost couldn't watch you play; I kept dreading that you'd hit a wrong note or that you'd freeze up. I kept picturing you in my head, walking on stage, sitting down on the piano, and then passing out, your head slamming down on the keys."

"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Aww, I didn't mean it like that. You know I had every faith in you. I knew you could do this Edward, and you did. I was just worried you wouldn't realise it."

"I thought about you," I admitted, "I just pretended I was back in my music room only playing for you. I wasn't as nervous then."

"That was a great idea because you played beautifully."

I blushed though I couldn't help but enjoy Jasper stroking my ego. It made me feel wonderful because I knew he meant it. Even though I hadn't won, Jasper still thought I was the best. I hadn't experienced this before, and it was brilliant.

The entrance hall was packed with people, but Alice, Alec, and my father were waiting close to the stage door. Alice seemed to fly at me, attaching herself around my neck and talking a mile a minute.

"Oh Edward, you were so great! I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you Alice. Would you let me go, though? I'm having a hard time breathing."

She smacked my shoulder rather hard, but she snatched her hands away from me, grabbing Alec's hand instead. "But seriously Edward," She began again, "I knew you could do it. You blew all those other performers our of the water!"

"Alice, really, I –"

"No, Edward. Alice is right. You were very good," My father spoke for the first time. As soon as he spoke my voice caught in my throat as I listened eagerly to what he had to say.

"Thank you father," I said earnestly. He gave an awkward shrug and looked out over the crowd. Or relationship had always been strained, and even though we were now getting closer it was impossible to mend years of tension in a week. I knew he was uncomfortable in this family setting after my confrontation, but he was trying. And it couldn't have been easy for him to be here with Jasper, who he probably assumed was judging him. I glanced over at Jasper from the corner of my eye; Sure enough, Jasper was studying my father.

"Jasper," I pulled Jasper closer to me, "Father, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend Jasper. Jasper, this is my father Carlisle Cullen."

"It's nice to meet you, Sir," Jasper said. He held out his hand and my father hesitantly grasped it.

"And you, Jasper. Edward has told me about you."

"All good things, I hope. Anything bad he said is pure lying."

I scoffed, "If I said anything bad about you, it was well deserved. Admit it Jasper, you can be quiet the asshole."

"That's not true! I'm sweet and innocent and would never do anything wrong."

"Oh really? What about trying to steal my food on our first date?"

"That doesn't count. I was hungry and it was our first date. You were stiff and uncomfortable. I had to find a way to get close to you without ruining your delicate sensibilities," Jasper said with a superior grin. He had managed to get my family laughing with him at my behalf and must have assumed that meant he won our little argument.

For the first time in my life I was okay with being the butt of the joke. Jasper, in his perfect little way, had cleared the bad air and relaxed everyone. Why did I ever think that I would be better off without him?

"That's just like Edward," My father said after he caught his breath. "He's just like his mother in that way. When I first asked her out if took her forever to relax around me. When we went on our dates she'd always watch me with this look. Like she didn't trust me and expected me to try to grope her at any moment. Her green eyes were always narrowed at me, following my every move."

My heart raced at the picture he painted. I had never really been told I was like my mother, aside from my music. Knowing that there was something of her in me felt wonderful.

"Well dad, in her defense, you did try to undo her shirt on the first date," Alice said.

"Who told you that?" My father asked, completely horrified.

"Aunt Gloria. When she was talking to me about boyfriends and how I should handle them."

My father muttered something we couldn't hear and turned his attention back to Jasper. "So, Jasper, what do you do?"

"I'm a professor of history at the state university."

"Really?" My father instantly engaged Jasper in a conversation about history and what it was like teaching at a college. Alice was whispering in Alec's ear, and they were sharing a secret look. So I went to get something to drink and eat, knowing that I wouldn't be missed for a few minutes.

I got a plate and started picking through the food on a long table, taking two of every item so that I could share with Jasper. I was trying to decide between pieces of mini cheesecake when I heard my name being called by a voice I didn't recognise. I turned around and found myself face to face with a plump man in a brown suit. His grey hair was thinning on the top of his head making the hair at the sides seem to stick out in a clownish way.

"May I help you?" I asked.

"Yes, my name is Heinrich Muller and I'm the director of the Music department and the chamber orchestra at the University."

"Er, it's nice to meet you."

"Yes, yes. Might I say that you did a magnificent job? Your music was so powerful and emotional. While it wasn't the most technically challenging compared to some of the others, yours told a story and evoked emotion, which is what music is all about in my opinion. It's not about being perfect; it's about letting the music speak. And you did. I could hear you in the music. I feel like I know more about you just from hearing you play. I haven't heard music like that in a long time."

I was speechless but managed to sputter out a response, "Well thank you, that means a lot."

"Well it's well deserved, Mr. Cullen. But that's not the only reason I came over here. I have a proposition for you. I want to ask you if you would be willing to meet with me sometime next week. You see our department has a vested interest in new music and up and coming performers. And we always are interested in highlighting the work of new composers. I was hoping I could talk with you about being next years chosen performer."

"What does that mean?"

"The chamber orchestra would perform some of your pieces, or any pieces that you choose to compose for the Christmas and year-end concerts. We would also love if you would stop by and maybe do some talks for the music students."

"You want me to compose the music for the entire year?" I asked, bewildered. This was like every composers dream: the opportunity to have their works performed on a stage by someone other than themselves.

"Yes, and if you'd be willing it'd be nice if you'd stop by at least a few times throughout the year. That way you'd have a hand in how your pieces are being performed."

"I –"

"And of course you'd have your own concert. It wouldn't really be highlighting a composer's music if the composers didn't perform their own work, now would it? We always have a concert that's open to the community."

"Mr. Muller, I –"

"That's not to mention that our department has a recording studio and, I'm assuming, you have no recordings of your works. But we could do that for you."

"You really want me to do this?" I couldn't believe that he wanted me to accept so much that he was offering me not only the opportunity to be highlighted by the chamber orchestra – which I knew was renowned – but he was also willing to let me use their recording studio to make my own recordings.

"Oh yes. Your music is exactly the thing I'm looking for, and I have every confidence that the students will love playing it and you'll be well received."

"Well, um, can I think about it for a bit?"

"Of course, I'll give you my card and you can call me whenever you make a decision. Or if you want more information about it, feel free to call me at any time." He handed me a business card with music notes all around the edges. "I know that this might seem like an inconvenience at first, traveling up to the university for a few hours."

"Actually, my boyfriend is a professor there, so it wouldn't be an inconvenience at all."

He quirked an eyebrow, "Oh really? Who?"

"Jasper Whitlock. He's in the history department."

"Oh yes, Jasper, he sometimes used the student pianos for practice." Heinrich's eyes lit up, "Were you the one teaching him the piano?"

"Yes, that was me. That's how we met." I could practically see the cogs turning in his head, though I didn't know what I could possibly have said.

"He's a very good teacher. I know that his music history class this past semester was extremely popular."

"He sure seemed to like it."

"I heard he was supposed to give a little performance during the last class, but that fell through."

My stomach churned with guilt and I could feel my cheeks flush, "Yeah, that was my fault. I was supposed to be there with him but I was, um, busy."

"Too bad, I'm sure you would have made quite a pair. Now I need to leave now, my wife is waiting in the car and I'm sure I've made her mad for making her wait for me. But I couldn't leave without meeting you. Please let me know, it would be a honour for our students to be able to play your music."

We shook hands and I stared after him in awe as he walked away. This was better than winning. I actually had a platform for my music. I had someone who was interested in me as a composer. I had something besides teaching teenagers who couldn't care less about music.

The excitement overwhelmed me and I raced to find Jasper and tell him the good news. He was still standing where I had left him, talking with my father. I rushed up to him and pushed the plate of food into his hands. Not expecting my sudden assault, he fumbled with the plate, but I didn't give him much time before I reached up with both hands, cupped his cheeks and pulled him down to give him a blazing kiss.

"Hi," he said, a dazed expression on his face.

"You'll never guess what just happened," I said, still holding his face inches from mine. "I went to get us some food and the director of the music department at your school approached me."

"Heinrich Muller?"

"That's the one. And he offered me the opportunity to have my work performed this next year by the music department."

"He wants you to be the visiting composer?"

"Yes! Isn't that great." I was seriously tempted to jump up and down. This entire thing was almost too spectacular to believe. "He said he loves my music. Mine!"

"I told you that," Jasper reminded me.

"Oh I know, but you'd say I sounded good if I had went out there and played 'Chopsticks'. He doesn't know me, and he said that my music made him feel like he did. Know me, I mean. But he likes it."

"Are you going to take it?" I stopped my excited movements and bit my lip.

"I don't know. I mean, I want to, but I told him I need to think about it."

"That's a good idea. Though, I think it's a great opportunity and I think you should take it."

"You do?"

"Of course. When else will you get this chance? It's a great music program and you'll get your name out there to people that really matter. Edward, this could be the start of everything you've wanted."

I turned to look at my father, "Dad?"

He smiled, "Edward, I think you need to do this. He was right; your music is wonderful and should be shared. Your mother would be proud of you."

The entire experience was just too much. I hugged my father tightly and whispered a 'thanks' in his ear. Despite putting more credence in Jasper's opinion, it was nice to have my father supporting something that I did.

I moved back to Jasper and he linked arms with me, the only show of support he could give me when both of his hands were busy, one with holding the food plate and the other with eating the food.

"Well I think it's time for me to go," My father announced. "Edward, you did very well today. Jasper, it was nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Carlisle," Jasper said with a mouthful of crackers.

I bumped him with my hip before saying goodbye to my father. Once he was gone, Jasper and I walked around the crowed watching the people that had shown up.

"Where are Alice and Alec?" I finally asked, I had been looking for them but they seemed to have disappeared.

"They had to leave, but Alice invited us out to dinner tomorrow night."

"No," I said quickly, finality ringing in my words.

"Why not?"

"Because I just had to spend three weeks with her and I don't want to see my sister again for at least that long. We can have dinner with them in a month, we can even have dinner tomorrow with Alec, but I won't see Alice for at least three weeks."

"I don't think Alec would be comfortable having dinner with us alone."

"Then we'll see them in a month," I said firmly.

"Well, that's fine with me. More time alone with you." He gave me a cocky smile and I wanted nothing more than to kiss it right off his face.

"You seem awfully sure of yourself, Professor Whitlock."

I watched with a thrill as Jasper's eyes narrowed and I could see the lust beginning to cloud them. "That's mean, doing that here. You know I can't resist you calling me that."

I gave him a cocky smile back and ripped the food plate from his hands. "I don't know what you're talking about… Professor Whitlock," I practically purred. I popped a cube of cheese into my mouth, letting my tongue peak out and moisten my bottom lip, and hoped that I looked sexy while doing it.

"You keep racking things up on my list, you know that right?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Just warning you. After we have a talk, I can assure you that you will be spending several days with me, naked and in bed, repaying for all you've put me through."

I leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Who said I wanted to stay out of bed?"

Jasper growled and I could feel the trembling vibrations in his chest. He wrapped his fingers in my hair and pulled me to him. Our lips touched and our mouths opened, our tongues tangled together, but it wasn't enough for what we wanted. What we needed.

He tore his mouth away from mine and tucked his head into the curve of my neck. I had to struggle not to drop the food plate and pull him closer to me.

"We need to get you away right now. We need to leave and have this talk so that I can fuck you, because I don't know how much longer I'm going to last."

"We can have the talk later," I said breathlessly. "Let's get back home. I want to feel your skin on mine; I want to feel you inside me. The talk can wait."

I felt, rather than saw, Jasper shake his head, "No, we need to get everything out. I don't want anything to be between us before we start over again."

"Okay, then maybe we should go someplace without a bed," I suggested.

Jasper straightened and seemed to be considering where we could go. "I know. There's a park I love to go to not far from my place. Let's get some take out and go there and talk."

"Sounds perfect," I said. I dumped the plate in the garbage and we went outside. Since I had received a ride from Alice, we both got into Jasper's car.

As we drove and talked about the concert, I couldn't help but reflect on how much my life had changed since meeting Jasper. I had never imagined that someone could change my life the way he did. I always figured I would be alone, that no one would try to penetrate the life I had had built for myself.

But Jasper was more than I could ever imagine. He wedged his way into my life, invading me like a splinter that sometimes hurt me. No, not a splinter. He was like an onion. He could make me cry, he could hurt me, but he could also be good for me. His scent, his taste, could stay with me for hours, reminding me of his presence.

That was it. Jasper was my onion, my reminder that love could bring pleasure and pain. And I happened to really like onions.

A/N: The onion thing was inspired by the poem "Valentine" by Carol Ann Duffy. It's admittedly a fluffy way to end the chapter, but the poem just seemed to fit because it's a lovely reflection on how love can bring pain as well as joy. Which is what Edward's learning.

Hope you liked it! I don't know when the next chapter will be out. My dissertation is due in early September, then I'll be moving and looking for a job. But hopefully the next one won't take as long as this one did. Until then! ~AJ Kelly