Author's Note: The final chapter is here with only the sneak peek epilogue remaining. The quote for this chapter is from the song '21 Guns' by Green Day and seemed fitting given the title of the sequel. These are just small moments, the first being just before the mission of AoU and then the others will be set during the movie. Some are revamped scenes from the movie itself with added dialogue, others take place in parts that we didn't actually have. But, without any further delay...
Chapter 29:
"Nothing's ever built to last.
You're in ruins."
One week.
That was all the time it took for Natasha to recover. It was same amount of time it took for her to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could trust Bruce's words. It was the amount of time it took for her to decide that she did want to be more. She did want to feel more. She did want to have more.
She wanted to believe that with time, with Bruce, maybe she was capable of having all of those. Maybe after ten years she actually deserved to have all of those. It still felt like an awful lot of faith to stake in another person and an awful lot more to stake in herself. Maybewhen they finally had the scepter, and they put at least one of their many problems to rest, maybe then she could make a decision about what to do.
Natasha couldn't let herself push for more until she closed the chapter on the mission. She couldn't just leave it unfinished. Fortunately, thanks to a call from one of the few SHIELD agents she still trusted, it might just be finished sooner rather than later. Melinda May had called Natasha personally, gave her everything they had found about HYDRA's main base on one of her own missions in addition to the info that SHIELD had gotten out of that Yuri character.
There was a good chance they would find the scepter in tomorrow's mission. A good chance that she needed to come up with her decision in the next twenty-four hours.
And when she walked into the lab, hands hidden behind her back, the scientist glanced her way. His shirt was rumpled from spending far too much time with his billionaire best friend down there, his eyes carried their usual tiredness behind those wire-rimmed glasses, and yet he gave her the warmest smile when he looked at her. "You cut your hair," he commented thoughtfully.
"I did."
"It looks nice, reminds me a little of when we first met, just a little shorter this time."
She was pretty sure he was being honest and she inclined her head a little, "It's more practical from a tactical standpoint."
He gave a disbelieving sigh in reaction as he shook his head with an endearing little smile at her comment, "Of course it is."
Tony Stark was nowhere in sight and she thanked her lucky stars for small favors as she perched herself on the corner of Bruce's desk, held out the square box to him from behind her back, and gave him a smile of her own in return without saying a single word.
"That uh—that for me?" was his immediate question as he studied the box while removing his glasses with interest.
Natasha chuckled as she took the glasses from his hands, replaced them with the box, then safely tucked the glasses away into the front pocket of his shirt. "I wouldn't be giving it to you if it wasn't," she told him with the tiniest smirk.
"I suppose you wouldn't," he agreed with an amused glint in his eye. He peeled off the top with slow fascination and peered inside. The utter bafflement on his expression actually made her laugh as he pulled out the pair of large headphones and the MP4 player, and then the puzzled look shifted back to her own face.
"Noise canceling," she told him, "and it has a lot of Tchaikovsky on it. You play a lot of classical music when you need to relax...I just thought that might help after your next Code: Green." He was blinking at her rapidly and she frowned a bit, "It's stupid, isn't it?" Clint's kids always did tell her that she was a terrible gift-giver, and so did Clint, as a matter of fact.
"No...no it's not stupid," Bruce assured her instantly, "it's really nice..."
She snorted out a laugh in an instant, "It's stupid."
"Thoughtful," he reworded with a chuckle.
"Stupid."
Bruce's smile only grew, "Thank you." His eyes lit up as though he suddenly remembered something and she quirked an eyebrow up as he placed the box down, yanked open the drawer of the desk, and began to rummage through it. It took a minute, but he came up with a sleek and simple little combat knife that he held out to her, sheathed in it's own tiny little leather case. "I...sort of forgot to give this to you for your birthday."
Now it was her turn to openly stare at the offered gift and she took it into her hand, twirling it between her fingers before weighing it on the palm of her hand. He looked a little entertained as he watched before she gave him another smile, "See? Now you really made mine look stupid. This would all be a lot easier if you liked knives."
The unexpected burst of laughter came from him in an instant but the laughter changed quickly and his face became bright red when an unexpected voice came from the lab's entrance, "Doctor Banner, did you not once tell me you were not attempting to court Lady Natasha?"
She felt her lips actually twitch as she attempted to hold back a laugh but Bruce's sheer embarrassment from the comment forced it out of her before she could stop it.
It was only more embarrassing to Bruce, and left her further amused, when Tony clapped Thor on the shoulder as he stepped around the Asgardian and entered the lab, "Oh, they are well passed the courting stages, my friend, well passed it."
"I see, so they have done the courting and are now in what Lady Jane calls the 'goo-goo eyes' stage?" came Thor's next question.
"Exactly!" Tony exclaimed, "you can't tell me the goo-goo eyes aren't just completely nauseating, Thor."
"Indeed I believe that to be true," Thor agreed, "many a times have I witnessed the burliest of men look like fools at the sight of a voluptuous female. In fact, true beauty is indeed one of the female warrior's most deadly weapons, am I not right Lady Natasha?"
She quirked an eyebrow up in an instant and instead of answering the question, she teased the God, "Are you trying to court me now, Thor?"
Tony's laugh was immediate when Thor stared at her with utter speechlessness in reaction to her joke. It was Bruce who, though he did look genuinely amused, released a sigh, "Finally couldn't just keep this to yourself anymore, could you, Tony?"
Natasha didn't entirely mind, but Thor's comment came before Tony's and made her smirk, "Do you not realize that you have not exactly been subtle in this courtship, Doctor Banner?"
Bruce's slightly agape mouth had Natasha chuckling and shaking her head.
"But I must say, you may use that to your advantage, but your wits and sheer strength are nearly equal to the Lady Sif of my realm," Thor told her next.
Natasha arched an eyebrow up slightly. The comment was unexpected and she knew that to Thor, that was probably the highest compliment to her skills that she would ever receive, "Oh, I...um—thank you."
"Courting might've gone easier if you'd used that line, Brucie buddy," Tony called out and Bruce sighed a little as he shook his head.
"Oh, I don't know about that," Natasha stated as she stood up and tucked the knife into the waist of her pants, "it was a hell of a kiss."
And Bruce felt the heat rise further up his cheeks when Thor belted out a laugh and Tony snickered.
Bruce wasn't sure what urged him to go up to Natasha at the bar during Tony's celebratory party. He certainly didn't know what urged him to flirt a little more openly than either of them had actually done before but the words left his lips before he could stop them, "How did a nice girl like you wind up working in a dump like this?"
There was half a second where Natasha gave him that blank little look, unblinking, and he could tell that she hadn't expected it. She had just poured herself whatever concoction she had just made in that shaker and she looked like she was debating how exactly she was supposed to respond. He couldn't blame her for it, not if he had surprised her even half as much as he surprised himself. "Fella done me wrong," came the raspy little answer as she poured a second glass and slid it his way.
Even Bruce knew his flirting wasn't the most top-notch thing, but he decided to keep it going anyways since she decided to roll with it, "You got lousy taste in men, kid." He really needed practice. He was making it much worse.
Yet Natasha gave the barest little shrug as she watched him from beneath her eyelashes. "He's not so bad. Well, he has a temper." Bruce felt his brow ruffle in an instant as she gave him this cheeky little look and continued on her little spiel of play-acting, "Deep down he's all fluff. Fact is, he's not like anybody I've ever known." That actually made the heat rise to his cheeks a little as he glanced down at his drink for a moment. "All my friends are fighters, then here comes this guy, spends his life avoiding the fight cause he knows he'll win."
He couldn't help but smile at that as he took a sip of his drink to hide it and gave a small nod, "Sounds amazing."
Natasha gave yet another little shrug before she switched gears, "He's also a huge dork." The red further made it's way from his neck to his face and he glanced down for a moment. She seemed to think she had made a mistake making the joke because she quickly followed it up, "Chicks dig that." He almost laughed out loud the moment she said it, reminding him of when she told him the same about his 'stammering in a woman's shower'. "So, what do you think? Should I fight this, or run with it?"
He froze for beat as the words hit him.
"I don't need more, remember? If I decide I do, you'll be the first to know."
"Is there going to be a code word or a code phrase for that?"
"Sure, there can be a code phrase for that. If I decide I need or want more, I'll ask you if I should fight it or run with it."
Natasha was looking at him expectantly with a slanted little smile and he answered without having to actually think it over, "R-run with it...r-right? Or did he...was he...? What did he do that was so wrong to you?" And he had stammered the entire thing out pathetically, though it only seemed to give her a rather pleased expression.
That slanted smile turned into a rather devious one as she leaned a little closer over the bar counter. "Not a damn thing. But never say never..." she told him as she lifted her drink and then of all things, she walked away and went up the stairs and back to the party.
All Bruce found himself doing was staring after her and smiling a little into his drink. He didn't get a whole lot of time to think on it when Steve strode up next to him with the strangest comment, "It's nice."
Had he just heard that entire thing? "Wha—what, what is?"
"You and Romanoff."
Shit. Natasha's code phrase for saying she wanted more might have been given, but Bruce couldn't be certain that entailed telling anyone, not within half a minute of it being said anyways. Almost instantly he found himself trying to deny it, "No, we haven't—that wasn't—"
"It's okay," Steve assured him. Bruce found himself floundering for the uncomfortable moment as the other man continued speaking, "Nobody's breaking any by-laws. It's just, she's not the most...open person in the world." Probably the biggest understatement. "But with you she seems very relaxed." How much had Steve actually noticed besides just this conversation? He was making quite a few assumptions based on a single one if he was only talking about what just transpired.
Even so, Bruce found himself continuing to pretend, at least until he had a chance to discuss this with Natasha, "No...Natasha—she, she just likes to flirt." And now he had just made it sound like that was all Natasha was. A flirt, nothing more, and he inwardly groaned at himself for it.
Steve seemed to see through it but what Bruce didn't expect was for the other man to give him a lecture of sorts. "I've seen her flirt, up close, this ain't that. Look...as maybe the world's leading authority on 'waiting too long'? Don't..." Steve's smile was honest and Bruce was surprised by the words, especially his next ones, "You both deserve a win."
Did he? Bruce wasn't as certain as Steve seemed to be, but then the comment before that actually hit him as the supersoldier walked away. "W-what do you mean, 'up close'?" he mumbled out.
And he didn't get an answer.
In all honestly, other than Natasha admitting to wanting more, nothing had gone right since then. Ultron had taken on a life of it's own, something that he and Tony had only ever really chatted about had made itself a reality, but not in the way it should have, not in the way that had planned. They created a 'murder bot', so to speak, and nothing had been quite as bad as that disappointed little look Natasha had shot him when she realized he had been in on this with his best friend. Added to that was that Tony had actually been offended enough basically call him a dog that 'rolled over' when he called his friend out on what they had done wrong.
It was when they were all getting ready to leave for the salvage yard that Natasha came up to him, pulling her gloves onto her hands before she leaned against the wall and studied him. "He didn't mean that you know," she stated right off the bat.
Bruce frowned a little, "Who didn't mean what?"
"Tony, what he said to you in the lab, he didn't mean that."
"Oh." Her eyes were carefully guarded as she kept them glued to him and he sighed as he ran his hand haphazardly through his hair, "I should have never let him do it."
"We both know that you could have never stopped him, once Tony sets his mind on something, that's pretty much the end of the discussion," Natasha told him with slight reassurance. It did make him feel better for half a second, right up until she finished the thought, "What you shouldn't have done was help him do it. Believe it or not but I'm not surprised that Tony built a murder bot while trying to create artificial intelligence. I'm surprised that you did."
He hadn't meant to do it, not the murder bot part of it anyways, but it happened and he couldn't exactly change that now. "Does this change things between us?" he dared to ask.
Natasha blinked several times at the question like she couldn't quite believe he had just asked it. It seemed to take her another moment before she realized he was serious and she stepped just a little closer. "No, Bruce, it doesn't change things between us."
Now he actually did feel just a little better and he blew out a breath of relief. Natasha had given him quite a few different looks over the last half a year, but disappointment had never once been one of them. He only felt a more decent amount better when she finally relented from disappointment and instead gave him a more seductive little smile. "So, did you enjoy that mouthful of my cleavage earlier?" she questioned.
Bruce choked on the very air he was breathing much like he had when it actually happened. She had yanked him over the bar and he hadn't meant to quite literally get his face in her cleavage, but it happened nonetheless. It hadn't quite been funny at the time it was happening, but he could see why she thought so after the fact. Honestly, he just found it completely mortifying, especially now that she decided to tease him over the incident.
He didn't get a chance to comment as Clint strode past them a moment later, phone to his ear, and Bruce thought there was something familiar about the voice on the other end of it. The archer gave a half-wave as he headed towards the jet, "Yes, ma'am. You bet. Wouldn't dream of it..."
"That's the second time I've heard him 'ma'am' someone on the phone today," Bruce dared to comment. Natasha face took on one of amusement as she smirked. "Except he said he had no girlfriend when Dr. Cho mentioned it, then he told Steve he was talking to his girlfriend." Natasha was just giving him that look that said she was waiting for the question. "Who is he 'ma'am'ing?"
The chuckle left her lips in an instant, "His nonexistent girlfriend it would seem."
"You know who it is, don't you?" he wondered aloud.
She just gave another slanted little smile before she shrugged and walked away.
Where did he recognize that voice from?
"Guys? Is this a Code: Green?"
It was all just gunfire and jumbled voices that didn't come through clearly over his comm and it left Bruce with a worried feeling in his gut. He shouldn't do it if he wasn't sure but it was nagging him furiously until he finally hit the button to lower the ramp of the jet. Once it was down he slowly and warily made his way down, staring at the distance between himself and the salvage yard. It sounded like a war going on even from this far away and the feeling only continued to sink further.
And just as suddenly everything around him changed.
For what felt like forever, he saw his father beat his mother to death, over...and over...and over again until the anger was nearly ready to burst from his heart with it's rapid beats. And then suddenly it wasn't his father doing it, it was Bruce himself.
Then it all change, changed in an instant.
Laid out all around him were the bodies of the other Avengers. Thor's bloodied and mangled body was first and Bruce slowly and haggardly stepped around him as he looked at the carnage. Steve wasn't much further ahead, crushed into a crater in the ground, eyes wide open and dead to the world. Already his heart raced further and further as he took a few further steps. Then he saw Tony and Natasha standing over Clint's gruesome corpse. Tony's hand was resting on Natasha's shoulder in some form of comfort and Bruce covered his mouth with his hand when she looked up and met his eyes. They weren't green, they were red. Red and empty. Only a void remained where he had begun to see so much warmth.
And then she smiled.
It wasn't a smile Natasha had ever worn before, this one was filled with an overjoyed malice that sent his heart into his throat, and then she lifted a knife and dragged it across the throat of his best friend before she sauntered her way towards him.
"You—you did this?" the question gasped out of his mouth of its own volition.
A horrid little twinkle shone in her red eyes as she bit her lower lip and traced her index finger down his chest, "Only that last one. You did the rest, Big Guy. Broken can't fix broken, remember? If you can't beat the monster...why not join him?" Those big red eyes search his own, red and not green, not Natasha's eyes. Not her smile. Not her touch. "Are you mad at me? Am I not good enough anymore?"
It was like he had no control any longer as the hatred and anger filled him further. He could never hate her, and yet he did, and it was like watching from above as his fists, large and green, grasped her delicate body tightly between them.
And then she looked like Natasha again. Wide and fearful green eyes filled with horror, sweat beading from her forehead, and a single word left her lips in a failed attempt to stop him, "Bruce...please..."
But all he could do was watch.
Watch as she broke. Watch as she shattered. Listen as she screamed.
All he could do was watch as he became his father, as he became everything he always told himself he wouldn't, as he became the monster his father always said he was.
Bruce thought he felt horrible, but the fact was, he didn't seem like he was the worst off of the group. Though he did think he seemed worse than Thor and Steve, that didn't entirely surprise him, but it was Natasha who looked the most lost. She wouldn't meet anyone's eye, not even Clint. Bruce had seen her distant, he had seen her hurt, but she took on a level that surpassed even the one from Samara. It had been a long time since he had seen Natasha stare at the walls but she was staring at them now.
The world had seen him for what he truly was, he had seen himself for what he truly was, and he had seen the things he was truly capable of in that dream. A dream where he wasn't just a monster, he had turned Natasha into one as well, and then killed her for it.
Even as the jet landed he couldn't shake any of what had happened. He couldn't bring himself to go to Natasha as she sat unmoving until Clint draped her arm over his shoulders and half-dragged her off the jet and down the path towards the large house on a farm. The only thing that truly kicked him from the stupor was the moment the woman, whom Clint introduced as his wife, stepped in the foyer to give him a kiss. Bruce was stunned in an instant. He recognized the voice from Natasha's laptop in an instant, then he realized that was the same voice he had heard over Clint's phone.
He almost missed the two kids who Clint now had a hold of because of that realization, almost, right up until that tiny and shy little voice rang out, "Did you bring Auntie Nat?"
Bruce realized that it wasn't just his own eyes that looked to Natasha in that moment. Clint looked a little wary along with Tony and Steve. The voice of the little girl seemed to awaken her and Bruce saw the way she looked a little startled as she looked up. She seemed to shake it off in less than a second as she took a few steps forward and spoke with a stronger voice than he thought she could manage, "Why don't you hug her and find out?"
It was a new side to her that briefly made him forget the horror as the redhead smiled one of the most genuine smiles he had ever seen and picked up the little girl who ran towards her, settling her on her hip and in her arms. The Natasha he was used to spent her time punching training dummies, sharpening knives, and cleaning her guns. He just hadn't put her into a more maternal column, he never imagined her in that way, at least not until he saw the way she looked at the little girl with unadulterated adoration. It was an expression that he never once saw on her before and a dark pit grew inside him the moment he did.
He could never give her a reason to look that way.
Bruce couldn't ever give her this one thing that she seemed to love so much.
Natasha shifted into an entirely new person before his eyes as she put Lila down, stepped in close, and placed a hand to the very pregnant belly of Clint's wife, "How's little Natasha, hm?"
"She's..." and he watched Natasha's face as she studied Laura's guilty one, "...Nathaniel."
There was the slight look of surprise in Natasha's eyes before she leaned over and put her face ridiculously close to the baby bump. "Traitor..." she grumbled out playfully.
It was clearly a side that nobody else on the team besides Clint thought existed within her and as Natasha stepped back towards the rest of them, he watched as she looked back at him, even if it was just for a moment. The face that had just been so perfectly enamored with Clint's family was again looking rattled and she looked away again in an instant.
But he could see the way Clint's wife watched it happen.
He watched the way Laura Barton's brown eyes, warm and kind, drifted to him in curiosity.
Then he looked away much the same way that Natasha had just done to him.
Clint honestly didn't know what to think when Laura asked about Natasha and Bruce and how long 'that' had been going on. It had completely caught him off guard and he didn't fully comprehend it until he left the room to go check on his partner.
Now he saw how easily, on his first mission back, that Natasha had said they would take Bruce with them. The first mission had all the indications that the two were more and he had overlooked them all because—well, because it was Natasha, the same Natasha who he had never once seen show interest in relationships. The Natasha he had never known to ever be in one. The fact it took both of them three minutes to follow him into the water at the start of that mission was another indicator. The way Bruce had teased her for the 'I'm all wet' comment and she had responded in kind. The way she let Bruce touch her arm the second time on that mission without batting an eye or telling him now to.
Suddenly the wary looks Bruce gave himself and Natasha whenever his fiery partner sat too close to Clint made a bit more sense.
He had seen her playfully shoving Bruce on the training mat to coax him into training with her and he still hadn't put two and two together merely because of Natasha's personality. There was also the free and bubbly little laugh she had let out when Bruce had tripped and taken both of them to the ground, a laugh he only heard on occasions where Clint or his kids did something completely and utterly ridiculous. He had chalked it down to the fact the Natasha had put Bruce into a zone of friendship much like Clint himself was in. But Bruce had convinced her to try and enjoy her birthday, a feat he had never accomplished in the decade he knew her, and that really should have been the tell-all tale that the scientist was in a zone beyond even Clint's own.
In fact, it was the point that Natasha hadn't been subtle about any of it at all that had caused Clint to overlook that hers and Bruce's relationship wasn't just friendship. They had a sort of natural way about them, which now that he thought about it, was actually completely unnatural for either of them.
The only time where he had thought an interaction between them was weird was when they had that silent moment during Natasha's birthday cake where they had stared at one another and smiled, right up until Bruce smeared cake on his partner's nose. Her look of complete shock had pushed the intimate moment just before that out of his mind completely.
The question 'how long' now ran through his own mind. How long had Natasha and Bruce been more than what he saw? How much more was more?
Clint thought to ask her, but now just seemed like the worst time for it. He paused outside the guest bedroom to knock, Natasha's room, and froze when he heard the voices inside.
"I think you're being hard on yourself."
"Here I was hoping that was your job."
Clint actually felt himself blink several times at the somewhat affectionate yet forward comment from his partner to the one and only Bruce Banner.
"Natasha...what are you doing?"
"I'm running with it, with you. If running's the plan, then as far as you want."
Shocked wasn't even the word to explain what he just heard Natasha offer and Clint knew better than to stay and listen to the private conversation. He silently made his way down the stairs and snatched Lila into his arms just as she began to head towards the very same room, "Nuh-uh, kiddo. Let Auntie Nat have a few minutes, she's had a really bad day."
"But she always say I make her bad days better," his daughter insisted with a pout of her lips.
"You do, but right now she's uh...she's having a very important conversation," Clint explained and Lila huffed out a tiny and exasperated little breath.
Still, he couldn't get over the surprise of realizing that not only did Natasha have some sort of relationship with Bruce, it was far enough along that his partner, the one whom he thought would always keep fighting, was willing to stop. She had never spoken like that before and he couldn't decide if she was doing it now because of the witch who had played with her mind, or if she was doing it because she truly did want to run off with Bruce Banner.
The look Steve was giving him along with the tiny little smile made Clint sigh, "You already knew about those two, didn't you?"
"I didn't know, know," Steve insisted, "but I had a gut feeling. In case I was wrong I told him to go for it at the party."
Clint raised an eyebrow up at that, "Really?"
"Natasha's more relaxed around him than anyone except for you," Steve pointed out. "They're a good fit, even if they won't admit it," the soldier added with the smallest shrug.
Maybe Steve was right, especially if the partial conversation he overheard was any indication, but he supposed that meant they had admitted it, at least to each other.
Then Lila's suspicious gaze shifted between Clint and Steve. "You two know something I don't know," she accused while wearing Natasha's signature stink-eye.
Steve actually looked fascinated by his little girl's Natasha impression, "Wow...you just might be letting her spend too much time with Natasha."
Clint hooted out a laugh in an instant, "Scary, isn't it?"
Lila stuck up her nose at the comments, "Nuh-huh. Auntie Nat used to come home all the time, now I never see her!" she insisted. Clint couldn't deny it. Natasha's visits were a lot less frequent since SHIELD fell and rebuilt, but he couldn't explain why that was to his daughter and he could see the way Steve's eyes softened a little. She huffed a little as she squirmed down to her feet, put her hands on her hips, and hit them with another Natasha stink-eye. "I know...it's another secret," she grumbled before stalking off.
Steve's eyebrows wormed their way up slightly and Clint scratched his head a little. "Pretty sure she got Nat's attitude through osmosis or something as a baby," he told Steve.
"Barton, kids can't get attitudes through osmosis, jeez, do they teach you SHIELD agents anything besides espionage?" came Tony's taunt as the man stepped inside. Clint watched as the one and only Nick Fury stepped in behind him, "Uh... Nick, good to see you?"
"Technically, Barton, I got here first," Nick stated, "your wife hid me in the barn." Then his former boss took a look around, "Alright...now I saw Thor leave, but two of you are still missing."
Clint opened his mouth but it was Tony who spoke first and surprised him, "Said two took some hard hits, as I'm sure you've heard. They'll come out when they're ready."
"The whole damn world heard, Stark," Nick reminded him. Clint could see the way Tony's eye twitched at the comment, but the billionaire didn't give a retort and Nick sighed, "I have a few phone calls to make, then we need to discuss what comes next."
The moment Nick was out the front door, Clint eyed Tony with suspicion, "So you know about Nat and Banner, too?"
"You didn't?" Tony questioned with raised eyebrows, "do you need your eyes checked?" Clint released a sigh at that while Steve just smiled. "Well, nevertheless, I suppose the bull just ran through that particular china shop. You'd better watch yourself with the way those two have been lately you just might wind up with neighbors, Thor calls it the 'goo-goo eyes' stage. And said new neighbors would then pop out little poopmakers that become little green rage babies. Come to think of it, good God, they might just be angry without Bruce's stellar gene pool, Romanoff is always angry."
Clint stared at him openly and Steve was doing much the same. Finally Clint just shook his head a little before he spoke, "I honestly can't tell the difference anymore for which parts of the things you say are a joke and which aren't.
"Did you know we all shared a bed once?" and once again Clint found himself and Steve with their mouths slightly agape at the commentary. "Actually, one of those little raggamuffins might turn out to be mine. Don't worry, you'll know if it is because it'll be the most dashing thing you've ever seen."
Clint sighed as he double-checked the stairs to make sure Natasha wasn't about to walk down them and hear this ridiculous conversation. "I'm sure it will be, Stark, with a loaded diaper instead of a loaded ego," he stated once he decided the coast was clear.
It forced a laugh from Steve who shook his head in an instant before doing much the same thing Clint himself just had. Even Tony seemed to be double-checking for Natasha's presence.
Then Tony took his comment as a reason to continue the ridiculous story, "Do you think Romanoff would do that? I mean really, the woman has an arsenal on her person at all times, I wouldn't exactly put weaponized diapers passed her." Clint groaned at the comment but it only got worse when Tony used a burly voice, "Got the diaper, hunny?" then he switched to a more feminine tone, "Fully loaded."
Steve's laugh was immediate and even Clint felt the smile lift his lips without his consent.
"What...so we disappear?"
Bruce couldn't decide what he was supposed to think as he stood at one side of the room and Natasha stood at the other. She had told him that if he planned to run, that she would go as far away as he wanted, and he wasn't sure if he believed that she meant it. A week ago she said she couldn't trust his belief that they would figure it all out and then suddenly, just before Ultron ruined everything, she changed her mind. She told him she wanted more. It was something he had secretly wanted her to say, and he believed those particular words, but the words she spoke about running; those words left him uncertain.
There was the largest possibility that what she saw about her graduation ceremony made her want to run away as far as possible and he understood that feeling. It was the part where she was willing to leave everything behind in this very instant that made him think it was false hope. There was also a chance that his own horrors were putting those thoughts in his head.
However, she didn't answer the question.
Natasha's one arm hung loosely at her side while the other gripped it with obvious uncertainty. The fact that she looked so vulnerable, her eyes red around the edges as she looked to the floor with tears that seemed to be held hostage in an ocean of green...it made him wish he knew how to fix everything in that very second. He had seen her look scared in brief moments, he had even seen her look sad, but this was the first time he had seen her look absolutely devastated. That devastation left him wondering if there was anything that Red Room hadn't taken from her.
He thought the end of them would come when he reminded her that there was no future with him. No chance of a white picket fence, the dog, and the kids. He never imagined she would tell him she had that option taken away from her a dozen years ago. He never imagined that Red Room would go so far as to sterilize her. It left him questioning how she was even still a functioning human being after everything that had been done and taken from her.
Everything between them had just shifted to an entirely new playing field, one that was fair and even, one that wreaked of horror and pain.
"I should take my shower," she told him quietly as she turned and slipped into the bathroom without looking at him again.
Bruce got his pants on, sat on the edge of the bed, and covered his face with his hands as he rubbed at his temples slowly. He had absolutely no idea what to do right now, not for himself, and certainly not for Natasha. He listened as the spray of water turned on and all he could think to do was stay where he was, exactly the way he was. He wasn't even sure how long he stayed that way before the door creaked open as the tiniest knock came with it.
When he looked up, Laura Barton was standing in the partially open doorway and she gave him a warm little smile. "Doctor Banner, right?" she questioned, though he imagined it was for politeness since it certainly wasn't because she didn't already know. "Is she okay?" she questioned when he nodded that she had the right person. She was motioning towards the bathroom door that was cracked open.
"No," Bruce told her with honesty.
She seemed to appreciate that he gave her the truth because she gave the barest nod before she surprised him, "Are you?"
It gave him pause. Most people who knew what he was and who he was, people that weren't Avengers, they never asked that question. "Not really," he answered after a few seconds.
"Do you mind?" came her next question as she gestured towards entering the room. Bruce wouldn't have told her no even if he did mind. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how to feel about it, but he shook his head nonetheless and watched her finally enter the room completely. "Maybe it's none of my business, but coming from someone whose known Natasha for quite some time...she really likes you."
Bruce wasn't sure how to reply to that, but it was nice to hear it. "How can you be so sure?" he dared to ask after a beat.
That warm and friendly smile was back on her face, "You're the guy she was snuffing with a pillow, am I right?"
"Uh..." he stared at her a little wide-eyed without knowing how to answer that.
But her all-knowing smile was there, "That's what I thought. And that's how I know."
He chose to leave her comment as it was and move on. "Natasha seems to—to be happy around your family," he told her awkwardly.
"She wasn't always," Laura answered with a shrug and a smile. "In fact, she despised both Clint and me the first time he brought her here." That seemed a little unlike Natasha and the brunette seemed to understand what he hadn't said, "She wanted nothing to do with Clint's personal life. She actually sat in this very room for three days and wouldn't come out."
"And you never thought that they were—um..."
"Together?" Laura questioned with genuine amusement in her eyes. He gave an embarrassed little nod and she smiled, "No. Don't get me wrong, the first time I saw her, I sort of hated her too." It was enough to make Bruce chuckle for the first time since they arrived. "At first glance, Natasha is not the sort of woman you want your husband to bring home, saying she's his partner."
"But?"
"But..." Laura acknowledged with a nod, "she became the only person I was ever glad to be wrong about. The amount of times she put her life on the line after he brought her here just to make sure he always came home...well she—Natasha isn't just his partner, she hasn't been for a long time, she's our family. Even though she hated him and didn't like me, she did and still does exactly what family is supposed to..." Bruce listened with fascination as she finished, "she makes sure, hell or high water, that I always get my husband back. She makes sure my children still have a father. Before she showed up, I didn't even realize that there was something missing from this family, not until she was already here."
Bruce gave her a more honest smile now but it left his lips the second he heard noises of something clattering to the floor come from the bathroom. Laura's head swiveled in the same direction until a few more thuds came after it and Bruce got to his feet in an instant.
Just as he moved towards the bathroom, Laura placed a gentle but warning hand on his arm, "Maybe you shouldn't."
Maybe not, but he did it anyways as he moved towards the continued thuds and noises. He creaked the door open and the shower was still on with Natasha still inside it. He realized what the noise was as he watched her silhouette through the curtain while her fist hit the wall. All he could do was frown. He glanced back to Laura who had the disheartened look on her face before she gave a small nod and then he slowly peeled the curtain aside.
Natasha didn't acknowledge him as she leaned her head against the wall of the shower with her eyes closed and he watched as she slid down to sit next to fallen shampoo and conditioner bottles. He released a shaky breath before he stepped under the ice cold spray, put the bottles back on the shelf, and sat down next to her in the small space she left beside her. He didn't have to say a word, which was probably for the best, and he carefully draped his arm over her shivering shoulders, slightly relieved when she rested her head on his shoulder with her eyes closed.
He could see Laura double checking, probably to make sure he hadn't gotten stabbed for what he had just done, and he could see the surprise mingling with relief just before she left the bedroom. Apparently he had just done something that most people wouldn't have gotten away with when it came to Natasha.
For the first time since she told him she might not be capable of feeling more, he wasn't so sure if it was actually programming Red Room intentionally placed within her head like he originally thought and insisted; for the first time he believed it might actually just be her mind's way of protecting her after everything they had done to her.
And Bruce wasn't sure he could fault her for that if it was true.
They hadn't said a word to each other since they joined the others down in the kitchen and dining room and Bruce could see they way Natasha half listened and half allowed her mind to wander. Her only real reaction came when Clint's daughter once again dragged it out of her without even trying. He watched the little girl and her braided pigtails as she bounded over to her 'Auntie Nat', tugged on Natasha's arm, then handed the redhead a piece of paper.
Once again Bruce watched as the look of pure and complete adoration came over Natasha's face as she took the paper, looked at it, then placed her hand endearingly on Lila's cheek and gave her loving little smile as she put the paper down. It seemed to be exactly what the little girl hoped for as she smiled and took off back into the other room. It was pure curiosity that had him moving a step closer and glancing at the paper over her shoulder.
A butterfly, colored by Lila just for her Aunt and Bruce watched as Natasha felt his presence, then turned and gave him a look of utter discomfort. She looked away again just a moment later and he sighed just a little. He wondered in that moment how much it actually hurt her to love the Barton kids that much.
He thought it might be a hell of a lot if the look on her face just a second ago had been any indication.
Everything hurt. That was the first thing that Natasha could think as she felt her body come out of its stupor. She wasn't sure what to expect when she first heard sounds, sounds that hit her ears in much the same way as Tony Stark working on a suit in his lab. But when she opened her eyes, there was no lab in Stark tower. No billionaire using a blowtorch on his suit. No awkward scientist hunched over a desk with his glasses on the brim of his nose and crinkles around his eyes from squinting with far too much concentration.
Instead there was Ultron and even as she debated feigning continued unconscious, it seemed she didn't have to bother with it.
"I was unsure you'd wake up." It left her with a sinking feeling in her gut as she struggled to get her limbs to cooperate. Free falling through the sky had that effect on the body, even one somewhat as resilient as her own, but her injuries from a week ago had flared up when she'd been snatched out of the air by Ultron's legion. "I hoped you would. I wanted to show you. I don't have anyone else..." She took a few shaky breaths as she finally forced herself to sit up as he started walking towards her and she watched carefully, expecting at any moment for him to attempt a killing blow. "I think a lot about meteors, the purity of them. Boom! The end, start again. The world made clean for the new man to rebuild." For artificial intelligence, she was fairly certain that Ultron had completely and utterly gone insane, but his next words sort of proved it, "I was meant to be new. I was meant to be beautiful." He was getting closer and closer. "The world would've looked to the sky and seen hope, seen mercy. Instead they'll look up in horror because of you." It wouldn't exactly be the first time somebody said those words to her. She knew her nerves were jittery just from the sweat continuously beading down her face as he spoke, she knew he knew. "You've wounded me. I give you full marks for that. But, like the man said..." and she could see that his 'body' clearly needed a tweak and a shine, maybe, just maybe that meant she could do something, get away, maybe— "What doesn't kill me..."
Startled didn't even begin to explain her reaction when he was ripped apart just two feet from her face. She visibly jumped and crawled back in an instant as a different Ultron took his place, and before she could realize the mistake, he slammed closed the door to a cage that she didn't know she had backed into, and he locked it.
"Just so you know," Ultron tacked on as he crouched down at the cage and stuck his face right to the bars. "Red Room didn't make you incapable of...love," and that last word came out mocking as he gave her that robotic and unpleasantly sinister smile, "you did that all on your own."
Natasha didn't say a word in return as she held his gaze. He was mocking a conversation that she'd had with Bruce just a week ago in the tower. The truth was, there was no reason for her to bother with a retort, not when Ultron was probably right.
Then he gave her the proof, "You let Stark have Jarvis sort through that...rather bloody and intriguing file of yours." He tapped his forehead, "I know all." She still didn't bother to say anything back to him. There was no point. "And just so you know..." She felt the frustration building as he purposely waited to continue that statement for a second time, "Eventually, it really won't be enough." Then he chuckled, "Also, you've got a little something, right here," he added as he tapped at his metallic lip.
He walked away and Natasha sat there in silence, not releasing the shaky breaths that had been screaming to come out until she was sure Ultron was gone. She ran her tongue over her lower lip and tasted copper before she wiped the blood away with her hand. She supposed that in a sense, he had accomplished exactly what he set out to do; She felt those defensive walls rebuilding themselves as her confidence in Bruce's words dwindled.
The longer she sat there after repeatedly sending out the Morse code signal, the further everything faded, she couldn't even find a way out of the cell. Natasha finally sat back in her cage and did nothing. The world could be about to end and she was trapped like Ultron's personal pet. It was the story of her life. Natasha Romanoff was always stuck under someone's thumb. Red Room. The KGB. SHIELD. HYDRA. If she got out of this cage, she would cut those strings that held her hostage as a puppet, cut the strings from all of them by finishing this job. She would fight, then maybe she could close her reddened ledger, then she would finally feel like running was okay. She would finally feel like she deserved it.
She just needed to finish what she started.
"Natasha...?"
She felt her head jolt in an instant as she got to her feet.
"Natasha!"
"Bruce?" and she couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice. He wasn't the first person she would have expected to come and launch a rescue, maybe not the last person, but certainly not the first.
She gripped the bar of her cage as he walked over to her and saw him study her with his ever thoughtful and worried eyes. "You alright?" he asked the moment he was close enough to fully look her over.
Natasha gave him the smallest nod, "Yeah."
"The team's in the city, it's about to light up," he warned her.
That was the first good thing she had heard in a while and she glanced around. "Don't suppose you found a key lying around somewhere?" and it was supposed to be a joke, because really, what were the chances of that?
"Yeah, I did." She took a startled step back as he held up a large gun and then she stepped to the side. Even less expected than Bruce playing the white knight was Bruce Banner with a gun and she watched with fascination as he blew off the lock.
She watched him step forward and yank at the cage and she pulled right along with him. It wasn't exactly as easy to move as Ultron had made it look, but they shoved it enough for her to edge her way out. "So what's our play?" she questioned as she studied him.
"I'm here to get you to safety."
It was yet another unexpected answer and she gave him a slightly confused look. "Job's not finished," she reminded him. And she really needed the job to be finished.
Bruce gave her that self-loathing look she hated before he replied, "We could help with the evacuation but I can't be in a fight near civilians, and you've done plenty. Our fight is over."
Natasha almost believed that was true. Almost. "So we just disappear?"
"As far as you want," he told her as they made their way out of Ultron's lair. She wondered if she would always keep saying the same thing. Before she kept telling herself that they just needed to get the scepter. Just finish the job, get the scepter, and she could move on. Move on with Bruce. Now it was the same thing all over again. Same thing. Different job. Just finish the job. Finish the job, defeat Ultron, and she could move on. She could run away with him.
If she didn't finish it, she wasn't sure she would find peace with herself, not even if the Avengers won the fight. She didn't think Bruce would either. Everything was beginning to shake and Natasha found herself watching as everything started falling apart around them. Hell, the city was beginning to fly above their heads, ripped straight from the ground. It was like watching something from a horrible science fiction movie. It was like Aliens terrorizing New York all over again. It was—
"We gotta move."
She felt Bruce's hand on her arm and she stared at him with disbelief that she wouldn't allow to show. "You're not going to turn green?" she asked him.
There it was. That look that told her Bruce wanted to say so much more than the words he let flow from his lips, the words he chose instead, likely for the sake of thinking she would run if he said what he really wanted to say, "I've got a compelling reason not to lose my cool."
There was a moment where she wanted to tell him they should run. They should run and they shouldn't look back. Then there was the voice in her head reminding her that there were four people up on that flying rock that shouldn't trust her, people that trusted her anyways. If they ran, she would hate herself and if they ran, Bruce would hate himself too.
Or she could swallow that fear, hope that he was right when he told her that what she felt would be enough even if she pushed too far, and she could finish the job.
"I adore you," Natasha finally bit the words out that he didn't say. The words that seemed to shock him even before she placed her hand on the back of his head and roughly pressed her lips against his. For the first moment he seemed too shocked by the suddenness to respond, and it was probably for the best she didn't let it go on for very long. The moment he returned the kiss, she pressed one hand to his chest, then the other, and pushed. The absolutely horror on his face as she took away his choice in the matter assured her that she had just done the unforgivable, to herself, and most likely to Bruce. She knew exactly what it felt like to have all your choices made for you, to have choices taken away from you. "But I need the other guy..." she told no one in particular as she waited. Besides, she probably wouldn't have to worry about Bruce hating her for very long. There was a gnawing feeling this just might be the day she didn't come back from the fight. And maybe...maybe that was for the best after what she had just done.
It only took seconds before she heard him. Seconds before she took a step back when he jumped up and landed in front of her. Natasha found herself staring into the eyes of one extremely pissed off Hulk and for just a moment it was a staring contest.
"Let's finish the job," she told him, watching as he seemed to stare her down further. He wasn't thrilled with what she had just done, but given that he hadn't just smeared the ground with her blood, she figured she was safe. She meant what she had told Bruce at Clint's home. He wasn't a threat to her and this moment proved it. Finally he gave a volatile little nod and she pointed to the city that was nearly at the point of no return, "I'm gonna need a ride."
The Big Guy looked up at the floating city and then back at her with suspicion and clear disdain at the idea. It was a few more seconds before he turned around and when he did, she thought he just might leave her down here, until he finally knelt down and looked back at her.
Natasha was almost positive she was going to hate every moment of this as she wrapped her arms around his neck and locked her legs as best as physically possible on his back.
And she wasn't wrong. She wanted to throw up about every second of the bumpy ride.
Tony watched as Natasha tried to get their big green mean machine to turn off stealth mode on the quinjet so they could get him back. He even thought, for just a second, that she was about to make a lullaby happen over a video link. Right up until The Hulk cut her off.
The look that crossed her face was one that made everything inside him hurt. It was a look that told Tony she knew it would happen, she knew, but he could see the way it hurt anyways. It wasn't often that Natasha felt something that she couldn't hide from her face, but this was one of those times. She stared at the where The Hulk had just been. She stared with her lips parted just slightly and a pained look in her eyes.
Natasha stared with a look he had only ever seen Bruce wear.
She stared like she hated herself.
There were just no words he could think to say as she finally managed to force it all back inside. There were still no words as she turned around and left the communications room with a void on her face where he had just seen so much. In fact, nobody had spoken in minutes since it happened and Tony wished he knew what he could say to her. He knew what she did to bring The Hulk into the fight. But he also knew she hadn't made that decision lightly.
Hell...
Tony probably would have made the same choice, loathed as he was to admit it, even if it was just to himself.
He gave her ten minutes before he left and went after her. He found her plucking a bullet from her calf and he frowned as he took a seat on the bench beside her. "They have doctors for that, you know," he reminded her.
"I'll pass. Clearly doctors and I don't really jive well." Nothing. Her tone held nothing. Her comment was one that said she was angry and sad, but it came out sounding so...empty.
"He'll come back," Tony tried next.
Natasha barely acknowledged the comment as she finally found the bullet she was digging for with tweezers and yanked it out without so much as a grimace or noise to show pain. "For you, maybe," she replied with a shrug, "I didn't just burn that bridge, I made sure it would never be rebuilt."
He still couldn't find even a semblance of emotion and he wondered just how far down she was burying all of this. He wondered how long she could keep it up. "Natasha..."
She flicked the bullet across the room as her eyes stared at the wall. "It doesn't matter, Stark. I knew this would happen," she stated nonchalantly, "I always knew this would happen."
Tony took a deep breath as she stood up and left the room without another word or even a glance back. She didn't pause in the doorway, she didn't hesitate in her steps in the slightest. She just left, just like Bruce.
Romanoff stayed. Romanoff took Steve's offer to be his second in command of the Avengers.
But not Natasha.
Natasha didn't come back, at least not for a while, and Tony felt like he lost two friends in an instant. Even when he saw pieces of Natasha return, she just wasn't the same one that left.
It was just a month.
Just a single month later when she was packing up her room in the tower that Tony gave a knock on the slightly ajar door. He watched as she glanced over at him, like maybe she expected someone else, and then she zipped the worn out black dufflebag closed and slung it over her shoulder.
"You didn't waste much time packing," he commented as she stepped towards him at the door.
"Never do," she answered with a shrug, "I pack light."
Tony sighed at that. "You..." and he just couldn't find the right words to say. He hadn't been able to find them for a month now.
"What is it?" she asked.
"We're still friends, right?" he finally dared to question.
It was the first time in a month that he saw something flicker in her eyes, even if it was only slightly, he saw the way they softened. He saw the way she hesitated, even if it was just for the briefest of moments, and then he knew why when she finally answered, "You tell me."
So that was it. She had assumed that he was blaming her the same way she was likely blaming herself. Tony put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "We are."
The mask fully faded in an instant and the same sadness he saw in them when The Hulk shut down the video feed came into them. Natasha gave him the smallest inclination of her head to show she accepted his words and he did something that neither of them really expected. He pulled her in and hugged her. She was stiff as a board for a moment before he felt one of her hands rest with uncertainty on his back. "Thanks, Tony," and he was pretty sure she sounded genuine. Then she handed him that velvet box that held the ring for Pepper, "Still safe."
Tony took it with a smile and put it in his pocket, "Appreciate that." She gave a nod as she disentangled herself from his embrace. He really hated watching her go. Without Bruce and without Natasha, the tower was going to be a shell of its former self.
()()
When Bruce was first himself again, the first thing he wanted to do was go back. Everything was a mixture of anger and sadness and pain, and he couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Every time his mind said 'go back', he reminded himself that the Other Guy left for good reason, he left because Natasha had very nearly died to perform that last lullaby.
As much as she wanted to say it, she would never be safe with him, he would always be a threat to her. To everyone.
Every day. Every day for six months he had the same dream. The same memory.
The look in her eyes in Sokovia nearly matched the one he had seen her give little Lila Barton. The words...
"I adore you..."
Everything he had wanted to hear and see came in seconds, and then he knew why...
Natasha knew. She knew what she was about to do and she knew that would be the end. She knew he wouldn't forgive it.
And she had told him everything she had told him she may never be able to feel. She felt what she said she wouldn't be able to feel.
It took six months of hearing that 'I adore you' over and over again in his mind and his dreams to convince him to at least go see Tony. He missed his best friend just as much as he missed Natasha.
FRIDAY told him that Tony wasn't there, but that as always, Bruce was free to make himself at home. Going to the floor, his heart rate rose as the elevator did, and he stared at Natasha's room the moment he stepped onto the floor. It was a spur of the moment decision that made him knock.
"Miss Romanoff has not been in the tower for five months now, Doctor Banner," FRIDAY informed him in an instant, "only once two weeks ago when she said she had left something in her room."
And then he felt his heart drop into his stomach. "Oh..."
"The Avengers are no longer based in the tower, the boss had been renovating a building upstate and it is now the new base for the team," FRIDAY explained.
At least she hadn't left because he left. That made Bruce relax his shoulders slightly as he slowly pushed the door open and peered inside. Everything looked much the same, though he knew that was because most of it was Pepper's doing, and Natasha had never actually added her own touches. He closed the door after a few more seconds and went to his own, but truthfully, even his own room reminded him of Natasha.
The anger at what she did was still there. The betrayal still stung. The fact that he still cared about her frustrated him even further.
Only when he got to his bedroom did he freeze in place. The last thing he expected to see was sitting right on top of the covers.
That stupid stuffed Hulk toy in a knight costume sat there, staring back at him, and for just a moment all that pain, anger and frustration disappeared. HuggaHulk, in all it's ridiculous stuffed animal glory, and Bruce picked it up and stared at it. He still hated the absurd little thing with a passion, and if it weren't for the fact that it belonged to Natasha, he would have thrown it in the trash then and there.
"FRIDAY said you were here, but honestly, I thought she was batshit."
Bruce turned around, Hulk toy in hand, and stared at his best friend. "No...I'm here," he stated, as though that weren't obvious enough.
Tony stared at him for another moment before he sighed, "Well...you picked a hell of a time, Bruce. You aren't going to like what I'm about to tell you."
That wasn't what he expected within fifteen minutes of being back, "Don't start beating around the bush on me now, Tony."
It at least made his friend give a sad smile in return, "You might want to sit down."
Now he was really worried, "Tony..."
"Yesterday Ross attacked the Avengers' facility upstate," Tony told him. His heart dropped right back into his stomach and he was grateful that he didn't have to ask, "They're all okay, but Natasha's gone, Bruce. Ross was after her." And Bruce knew the next words were coming even before Tony said them, "He was after her because he's looking for you."
"Something inside this heart has died.
You're in ruins."
Well. There it is. I know you guys probably hate that ending, but I'll have the epilogue up tomorrow morning after I make sure it's exactly what I want it to be. Thanks to everyone who stuck around for the ride and I hope you're ready to start the next part of the journey with, 'In Ruins'.
Love all you guys!