"He what?!" Kana sputters. She doesn't even notice that the floor is now covered in grape juice, or that the juice box in her hand just got crushed flat. "You what?!"

It is later in the day, nearing the evening cycle in Chaldea, and inside Kana's quarters the female Master comes out of the shower, grape juice in hand, to find Mashu kneeling before her, head touching the ground. That literally never happens. No one ever actually bows like this. It would be more amazing if it wasn't so unbelievable.

"P-Please forgive me, Kana-senpai!" Mashu shouts, her voice muffled by the fact that she's face down on the ground. "I just didn't-"

"No no slow down I literally just came out of the shower." Kana grabs Mashu by the shoulders and lifts her up, only shaking her a little bit. "Start from the beginning. What the crap did my brother try to pull, and how long until his heart stops being broken into a thousand tiny fragments?"

Mashu whimpers at the mention of breaking Ritsuka's heart.

"I-I mean, until he stops being a baby," Kana repeats, smiling strangely.

"W-Well... I was reading in the garden..."

When the world of 2026 burned, Chaldea alone survived

Now it embarks on the Grand Order, resolving the snarls of the past in order to save the future

Scarred by betrayal, a mere shadow of itself, mankind endures regardless

Ever yearning for the world that they lost

And eternally salty that they won't get their waifu

Such is...

FATE/SUNNY ORDER

"...Is what she told me," Kana says the next day while sitting on her brother's bed.

Ritsuka says nothing. He's underneath five different blankets, balled up around him like some sort of cocoon, or perhaps an always-active defensive noble phantasm. In the darkness of the Master's room there is only unfinished paperwork, a red pendant dangling from a hook on the wall, and a lot of bitter regret. Kana sighs as she pats the top of the blanket pile, at the rough approximation of where she thinks her brother's head is. He could well be upside down. She doesn't know. He probably isn't because Rits isn't an idiot, but who knows? He might be trying to commit suicide the ancient chinese way. "Come on Ritsuka, you can't be mopey forever. So what if she didn't accept? She didn't reject you!"

"She totally rejected him, Master," Cu comments beside her, his voice ethereal from spirit form. The redheaded Master glares at him, knowing he's there even though he is invisible. "What? It's true."

"You are not helping here, Lancer."

Ritsuka grumbles something like agreement from under his fortress of warm cosiness. Kana continues patting where she thinks his head is. "It's his first time," Kana explains sharply.

"Oh, huh. This late?" Lancer whistles and materialises, skintight bodysuit showing off his well-defined musculature—Dammit Kana focus and be a good sister. Admiration comes later. "Man, that's no good, Master! You have to be bold, and you have to be LOUD! That's how you get girls to like you! Let me tell you, Master, girls like men who can fight and who fear nothing! Shielder is just testing you, and you're not getting anywhere the way you are right now."

"That is startlingly presumptuous and I think slightly sexist," Kana states dryly.

Lancer looks back at her with a grin. "Well, am I wrong?"

Stupid sexy Lancer, being stupid and sexy and possibly stupidly sexy. "Point is, bro, go talk to her. And stop being such a stuttering mess! At the very least go squeeze an actual answer out of her."

Ritsuka says nothing. He squeezes his head out of the blankets and looks gloomily at Kana. "Did she say anything to you?"

"Lots. Why?" Kana raises her hand to her mouth, a cheeky glint in her eyes. "Ho? You want to know about the girl talk we had~?"

His look is entirely unamused and possibly suicidal. Yep. Joking around was a mistake. "Did she tell you why she dumped me?"

"Hm..." Kana taps her chin thoughtfully. "Well, she said something along the lines of..."

"S...S-Senpai is too good for me."

Kana, halfway through slurping on another juice box, does a picture perfect spittake. She sprays grape juice all over the floor and doubles over laughing, until she realises Mashu is not joking. The other Tohsaka looks at her in mild shock. "...You're not joking. You actually think he's better than you." Mashu nods shyly, her cheeks red. Kana slaps her forehead. "Holy shit."

"Senpai is... He's a talented magus, and he's so powerful. Back in Fuyuki, I saw him hold his own against several of those skeleton warriors, as many as I did! And in France, he took care of the french soldiers as well. Ritsuka-senpai can do all those things, and he's just human! I'm a Demi-Servant, but... I can barely keep up with him. A-And then!" Mashu holds her hands up to her chest. "And he's so nice, and always calm and collected... And he's always looking out for everyone! And he's h...handsome! Y-Yeah! Handsome!"

"...You are wearing some rose-tinted glasses, aren't you?" Kana leans closer, right into Mashu's face, and pulls the Demi-Servant's glasses off. She folds the legs up and then tosses it away, then points at Mashu before she can protest. "You like him too, don't you? And I mean like in the Ritsuka sense, not in the normal sense."

Mashu's face turns pink, then bright red. She looks down and nods, her heart pounding like a jackhammer.

"Yeah, see, I've known Guda eighteen years since, you know, I'm his twin sister? And let me tell you, he's really not perfect." Kana sits back, propping herself up with one hand and playing with her sidetail with the other. "Sure, he's got good circuits and a bunch of spells. But did you know he constantly fucks up incantations? Dude can't cast without biting his tongue. It's sad. And he's also a dork, and he's got no chill for shenanigans, and he's the saltiest man alive about being unable to summon heroic spirits. Like, god, it's not a big deal. He gets them through me anyways!" Kana stops to think, and then barks a laugh. "Hah! Holy shit! Technically, you're the only servant he's ever summoned!"

"...I what?" Mashu asks, still beet red.

Kana waves her aside. "I'm messing around. Point is, he's not perfect. So don't you start thinking he is! It'll go to his head and then I'm going to have to pop him before he flies up into the ceiling and man that is going to be a bitch and a half to clean up. He is not too good for you, and even assuming that he is and I'm just biased, who cares? He doesn't think he is! And frankly?" Kana adds with a smirk. "You two look adorable together."

"...You think we look adorable together?"

"She's cute enough for the two of you," Kana explains with a shrug. She pats her brother on the head again. "Don't feel down so much, Guda! She's just really shy, and apparently you're just really depressed! I'm certain the two of you are perfect together. Thoughts, Lancer?"

"Go for it, Master!" The Celt says with a thumbs up and a grin. "In fact, go for everyone! The only girl off limits is the one over here!"

Kana puts her head in her hands and sighs loudly. She really should have seen this coming. When have the Irish not been incredibly horny? Cu carries a long red lance around for fucks sake. "Lancer by my Command Seal go take a cold shower." The red brand on her right hand flares bright and burns out, jolting Lancer with a wave of energy.

Cu shrugs as he starts to turn about involuntarily. "Not sure why you just wasted one, Master, but I'll leave you two alone. See ya!" He shimmers away into spirit form and heads off in a flash, leaving the siblings with just themselves. Kana turns around and pats Ritsuka on the head again.

"Feeling better?" She asks.

"...A bit. Thanks, Kana." Ritsuka frowns sharply at her. "Now stop patting me on the head. Seriously."

"No," she says, catlike.

Ritsuka sighs, but it lacks venom. He swings around and lightly smacks Kana with a pillow. His sister laughs and pats him on the head again.

"So that's why Mashu was freaking out all night." Dr Roman, current acting director of Chaldea, leans forwards and rests his head on his hands. "You know, I always thought you two would be cute together! Since you accidentally walked in on me eating."

"Inside my room," Ritsuka completes with a deadpan expression.

The doctor coughs and waves it off. "Details," he says. "Nevermind that. How are the new servants integrating? Besides Lord El Melloi II; I spoke to him at the CIC earlier. He seems..." Roman lowers his head. "...Serious."

"I wish you'd be a bit more serious," Ritsuka says with a sigh. "...Besides him, d'Eon seems happy to meet Queen Marie again, Atalanta is enjoying herself in the large gardens, and Herakles is just wandering the facility and, I think, scaring the staff."

"That's... probably not good."

"Oh, he's not even trying, director! I told him to look around and make himself at home, and he smiles at people but then they run!"

Roman looks right at the Master, into his eyes. "That's even worse."

Ritsuka shrugs. "He's big, he's friendly, and he's fuckmothering Hercules. I, for one, am extremely happy to have him."

"...Right. Well, at least he's only scaring them." Roman clears his throat and looks around. "Where is Kana?"

"She's doing the daily summons herself today. I'll update her later." Ritsuka leans forward, arms crossed. "So what is our status on the next singularity?"

"SHIVA is looking into it. Considering how long it took to find France, though, it might be a few more weeks." Roman sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "I'm sorry we haven't learned more, Ritsuka. Still, we do know it should happen during the reign of a Roman Emperor. So that should help narrow down the possible range of servants you encounter."

Ritsuka nods. That should be fine. "And what is our current deployment capacity?"

"Still the same. One servant per Master, and Mashu. Unfortunately, the damage was just that extensive. It's lucky that you and Kana are both talented magi, or we might not be able to send anyone else at all!"

Ritsuka nods, but it's a shame. He had hoped to have a larger squad for next time. Still, he can bring Herakles this time. Robin might like the reprieve. "And the supply situation?"

"If there's anything we're not hurting for," Roman says with a faint smile, "It's food. We'll have enough for months, even if all the Servants have three meals a day. And if we can harvest extra supplies from singularities, all the better. Oh!" Roman snaps his fingers. "By the way, Leo says that she'll have the Ascension system ready in a few days, a week at most! We should be able to develop the Servants' Saint Graphs further and give them additional skills, stat boosts, and maybe even new Noble Phantasms!"

Ritsuka widens both of his eyes, high enough that he thinks he can feel the ceiling. "We can do that?"

Roman chuckles smugly. "We're Chaldea. We've already done the impossible. This isn't so hard for someone like me!"

"...You do realise that I'm doing most of the work, right Romani~~?"

Roman goes ghostly white, and Ritsuka looks over his shoulder. It was weird to begin with, but to this day Ritsuka still can't get over the fact that Leonardo Da Vinci is a woman. And not even because history made a mistake. He can get over that. Ritsuka has long since accepted it can happen. History is wrong. People are wrong. It happens.

But.

Leonardo. Da Vinci. Is a fucking woman. By choice.

And looks like the Mona Lisa. By choice.

It's even a feature of his... her... their Noble Phantasm. Like Leonardo wants to be a woman. A deliberately bent gender. Ritsuka's not even outraged. He's just shocked at this development. Still is. You'd think Leonardo would switch back and forth for his purpose of 'expanding his horizons' but no he has literally never seen him change back. A literal mystery for the ages. Maybe he'll just refer to Leonardo Da Vinci as female from now on, that might be easier.

Ritsuka will also never get used to it because word to the wise Leonardo Da Vinci is a bully.

"L-Leo!" Roman squeaks, as happily as he can force out of his drying throat. "D-Didn't hear you come in! I've just finished my meeting with Ritsuka!"

"H-Hello," Ritsuka says politely, while frightened. Please please please don't be evil.

"Oh, good!" Leonardo claps her hands together cutely, a bright smile on her face. "This is good timing! Romani, Ritsuka, could you help me with a smaaaall project?"

A cold shudder climbs up Ritsuka's spine and refuses to leave. Judging by how sheet-white Roman is he feels much the same. Wow are his teeth chattering? This never happened in Fuyuki, where he was literally in his burning hometown surrounded by dead familiar places. "W-What about?" He asks.

Da Vinci continues smiling brightly. "Oh, you knowww... Mystic Codes!"

Ritsuka feels his soul leaving his body. He knew it. On some level he always knew it.

Leonardo Da Vinci loves playing dressup. And they are now her dolls.

"...Servant Saber, answering your summons. I will lend my sword to save humanity."

The servant has white hair and dark skin, wearing a veil on her head and a skimpy one-piece leotard. She wields a strange prismatic sword and stands ramrod stiff, like a pole – or a machine awaiting orders. She opens her eyes in a flash, both of them starkly red. "Are you my Master?" She asks.

Kana claps her hands together with glee. "Yep! I'm Kana. Your other Master will be Ritsuka. You'll meet him later, he's a bit busy right now. Probably." She rubs her hands together. "Soooo what's your name?"

The girl has no visible reaction to having two Masters, just stoically accepting it as it is. "I am Atilla," the girl answers simply. "History knows me as Atilla the Hun."

Kana looks at her. Looks her up at down. Her Saber servant. A girl slightly shorter than her. With strange tattoos all over her body while wearing a small leotard. Someone with white hair and red eyes and a sword that looks like it came from space. Is Atilla the fucking Hun.

The Scourge of God is a goddamn magical girl.

She lets out a laugh involuntarily. Saber looks at her. "Is something wrong, Master?"

Kana shakes her head, still grinning from ear to ear. "Nothing wrong at all! You know, I'm so excited that I'll finish the rest of the summonings later. Welcome to Chaldea! Let's go on a tour!"

"As you command, Master."

He was once the greatest hero of Greece. Son of Zeus. Father of Spartans. Slayer of the Hydra, and the Nemean Lion, and hundreds of other impossible beasts besides. His heaven-sent strength gave him the means to vanquish all foes, but it was his mind that crafted an immortal legend. It was with guile and guts and power that he became the awe-inspiring titan of woe he is remembered, a global legend known by all. In no small part due to Disney.

Now, Herakles is silenced by madness, his thoughts clouded by the same incoherence that drove him to slay his children and wife – but, thankfully, none of the fury. His thoughts are hardly together, like the barely-legible writings of a child, written slowly and crudely. The devil's trade of Madness Enhancement: Power for thought. And he was summoned having made it. Him, a hero who built a legend off guile.

If he had any coherent thought left to him, the man Herakles would have laughed himself silly. But he is purely a creature of instinct now, little more than an animal, one of the beasts that he killed in life. And with FATE crippled as it is, his Masters have no control over his Madness. Unlike his incarnation twenty two years ago, his insanity cannot be lifted.

And so driven by instinct and nothing else, he spends his days looking like a statue, his sword-axe held like a cane, standing before the deployment grounds, awaiting the next war. People pass by frequently, and he looks at them. Strangely enough, they walk faster when he does. Sometimes they run loudly. Sometimes they run back the way they came. It would be curious to anyone capable of thought.

But he simply looks on, waiting for war. For the next battle in this effort to save mankind, the pact he made before the chains of madness clapped around his neck once more.

Today, though, there is something else. A strange little creature looking up at him fearlessly, another even stranger creature standing atop her head, yipping rudely at him.

"Ah! Fou, no!" Mashu picks the little creature up and hugs him tight against her chest, and the fluffy bunny-cat melts instantly in her embrace. She looks up at Herakles, her one uncovered eye wide with curiosity. Herakles looks back at her, silent and still. "So you're Herakles?"

Herakles grunts in response. Mashu lowers her head, nodding to herself, before looking up at him again with a bright smile. "Do you know Leonidas?"

Herakles does not respond. If he did know the King of the Spartans, the one who lead that legendary action at Thermopylae, he does not show any sign. The obsidian giant simply looks back at her, his pale yellow eyes blank and unfeeling.

Mashu frowns and looks back down at the animal in her embrace. "I don't think he talks, Fou."

"Fouuuuuu..." The little creature squeaks. It worms out of the girl's hug and leaps right onto the Berserker. Herakles does not react as he pitter-patters up his bicep, across his shoulders, and right onto his head, panting heavily like he had just hiked up a perilously tall mountain.

"Fou! Get down, you're bothering Herakles!"

"Fou!" The little creature refuses.

Herakles grunts genially.

Mashu looks up at him. She tilts her head. "You... understand me?"

The Berserker does not respond. He just continues looking at her. Mashu frowns, rubbing her chin.

"Herakles... Do you mind if Fou stays here for a while?"

"Fou... Fouuuu..."

"...Not that I can bring him down, hehe," she says shyly. Herakles continues looking at her, like a mountain gazing down at a canyon. Mashu wilts under his gaze, halfway to becoming a shivering, stuttering pile of pudding.

Herakles closes his eyes. He grunts, and continues standing still as a statue, standing guard by the deployment center. Fou continues napping atop his wild mane of hair, feeling – and quite literally being – on top of the world.

Mashu looks at this scene with wonder. She quickly fishes out a small black slab from her hoodie jacket, takes a quick picture, and smiles at the Berserker again. "Thank you, Herakles! You're really nice!"

Herakles grunts one last time and nods. With a titter in the air and a skip in her step, Mashu goes on her way.

He continues standing there, driven by instinct alone. A lonely mountain, guarding the last hope of man. A hero protects, even if he has no reason to. Even without his reason, he will protect the world. That is just how a hero is. And Herakles, Son of Zeus and God of Strength, is a hero.

A hero with a small fluffy creature sleeping atop his head.

...Truly, no finer son of Greece will ever be born.

"Soooooo Caster!"

"Good morning, Master," the Witch of Colchis says absent-mindedly to her Master. The moment she had stepped into her Temple – which, granted, was actually fairly small and confined to one of Chaldea's briefing halls – she knew that Kana was there, of course. Her and the other presence. Strong power, but otherwise uninteresting. She wasn't going to get anything out of suborning Chaldea for her own uses, after all. Instead she spends her time devising traps and crafting potions for her own amusement. "I sense another Servant?"

"Yep! Also call me Kana!" Of her Masters, however, she had to admit she liked Ritsuka better. Certainly, Kana had more energy, and in terms of herding Servant was second to none. Ritsuka possessed a quieter air, the ice to Kana's fire. Not that he was icy and distant to his summons, far from it. But he was not especially personal. He was also far more respectful and an actual Magus, all the respect and none of the disgusting selfishness. "Wanna see? She's a Saber!"

Medea sighs as she turns away from her cauldron, letting her beaker and test tube hang in the air because she can. In her territory, her word was absolute. However, her Masters did have regenerating Command Seals. "Who is it, Maste..."

She rubs her eyes. Caster pulls her hood back as she inspects the Saber, up and down. Aesthetically, her form was ideal. Rough, coarse, emotionless, but she had a natural elegance to her that she could refine, perfect, and turn into something wonderful. Medea raises a hand to her mouth, faint from all the things she could do.

"You like her?" Kana asks, grinning brightly.

"S-She's wonderful!" Medea says. "Almost as – no, just as cute as the King of Knights, in a different direction! Master, who is she and when do I start?"

"I don't... understand?" Saber says, tilting her head. "Understand?" She repeats, like the word itself was unfamiliar. Medea could die from that – but in her territory, her word was absolute.

"She's Attila the Hun," Kana stage-whispers.

"...The Scourge of God?" Medea's eyes go from enthralled to devious. "Ara~... What an interesting specimen~~"

"I know right? Hey, Medea, could you make her fabulous or something? She'll be so cute."

Medea nods. "We are agreed! As your Servant I am bound to obey your orders! Leave this to me, Master!"

"...Master, I don't understand," Attila says quietly.

Kana gives her a thumbs up. "Awesome! I'll go back to summoning, you two have fun!"

The Witch of Colchis' excited cackling could be heard even after the Master left, promising glorious things in the future to come...

"I hate you."

"But I try so hard!" Da Vinci pouts. She giggles as Ritsuka sighs and rolls his eyes, forced to look at himself in a full sized mirror, wearing a blue evening dress. He had to admit the dress looks nice, but the person wearing it could stand to jump into a fire right about four hours ago.

"She tries so hard, Ritsuka," Roman echoes, the acting-Director somewhere between amused and beleagured. The useless man was wearing a matching red tuxedo, one that fit him perfectly. He gets to look like some sort of high class twit with a martini and a monocle. Meanwhile Ritsuka is made to be a girl. "You should cut her a little slack! This is supposed to help you, after all!"

"I fail to see how wearing a dress is going to help me," the Master grumbles. "Unless you're trying to make me lose the will to live! Because if so, good job."

Da Vinci chuckles and pats him on the head. "Oh, let an old lady have some fun, Ritsuka. Besides, you look fantastic! You should wear dresses more often!"

"Da Vinci I don't think bullying him more right now will help," Roman says.

"Yeah Da Vinci I don't think bullying me more right now is helping," Ritsuka repeats bitterly.

"Also we're preparing these Mystic Codes so that in the event of, say, your gender being reversed, you'll still be able to deploy on missions into singularities that may or may not require you to be in formal attire!"

He blinks at that. "Wait. What?"

"Oh yes," Roman nods. "We're in uncharted territory, and while Leyshifting itself might be a mostly-solved science, the regions you go to may leave lasting effects. To say nothing of any hostile Servants!"

"...I'm going to try and not ponder those implications," Ritsuka says. "In that case why am I wearing this dress now? My proportions are going to change when I... change!"

Da Vinci and Roman say nothing for a moment. They look at each other quickly before looking back at Ritsuka. "It's to make sure the style fits!" Da Vinci says cheerfully. "By the way, I love the dress. It brings the blue out of your eyes!"

"I respect you greatly, Ritsuka," Roman says to him, one hand clapped on his shoulder. "Don't you forget that. Ever."

"I hate the both of you," Ritsuka glowers.

The doors slide open suddenly, Mashu carrying two lunch boxes. "Doctor! Leo! I brought food, since you didn't show up for..." She freezes. The Shielder and the Master share a look for an ephermeal instant. Time stops. Normally, Ritsuka would love for this moment to never end, but in this specific circumstance he really hopes time keeps moving.

Mashu's pale skin goes from white to red in an instant, like someone from on high – or Kana with a command seal – ordered it so. She quickly puts the boxes aside and looks away, staring up into a corner of the ceiling. "S-S-So I brought you two lunch!" She stutters, suddenly a nervous wreck. "R-R-Ritsuka-senpai! I didn't know you were here! S-Sorry I didn't knock!"

"I'm sorry for everything," Ritsuka responds, too dead inside for his voice to waver at all.

"...A-Ah, I'll go, uh... Go get lunch for you right now!"

"It's okay. I'll pick something up later."

"O-Okay!" Mashu bows. She bows again. "I'll make my leave! G-Good day, Leo! Good day, Doctor! G-G-G...Good day, senpai!"

Mashu backs out of the door quickly, making tiny shuffling steps, before slamming the door shut in front of her. Ritsuka looks at the door for a while, blinking only occasionally. That... actually just happened. Dad was right.

Roman taps him on the shoulder. Ritsuka does not respond. "Aren't you going after her?"

"In a dress?" Ritsuka asks back, still dead. He shakes his head. "No. It's better this way."

"...I respect you greatly, Ritsuka. Don't you forget that. Ever."

"By the way, Ritsuka, I want to ask if you prefer frills or furs!"

"I prefer hiding in my room and never coming out again."

"...Furs it is!" Da Vinci pats him on the head with her mechanical arm. "You're free to go, Ritsuka! If there's anything else I'll contact you!"

The Master does not respond. He shambles out of the room as if in a daze, shoulders slouched and arms limp. He does not even take off the dress.

When the doors slide close behind him, Da Vinci and Roman look at each other. "I broke him, didn't I?" Da Vinci asks.

"More accurately I think young Mashu needs to learn some manners," Roman says. "Though... I'm impressed. It's like a scene out of one of my... novels."

"Oh! Romani, you simply must lend me one of your novels to read! I'm interested!"

"...I'll do my best."

"Hey. Hey, Guda. What's wrong?"

They are back here again. Pitch black room. Fortress of blankets. A dark entity lurking beneath the sheets in deep slumber. And Lancer standing in the doorway, somewhere between bemused and concerned. Ritsuka says nothing. He hardly even moves, too emotionally dead to care.

"...Come on, I don't have all day," Kana sighs. "I gotta go get our new Saber – Attila the Hun by the way – from Caster's workshop and take lots of pictures! If this is because Mashu turned you down again I will jab you in the eyes."

More silence. Kana sighs and pills up her left sleeve.

"...Wait." The fortress of fluffiness stirs, and Ritsuka pokes his head out of the pile. "You summoned Attila the Hun? Why is he being dressed up at Medea's?"

"Oh, right, the best part: Attila the Hun is a fucking magical girl!"

"What." He rubs his eyes. Looks at Lancer. Cu Chulainn gives him a single sedate nod. Dammit, she's not fucking with him. "What? What."

"It's amazing, you should come see her! She's super cute." Kana pats him on the head again. "Come on, live a little! It's not like Mashu dumped you again!"

Ritsuka's mood dies again. He crawls back under his sheets. "Mashu saw me wearing a dress," he says, still dead inside.

"...She probably hates that you look good in it," Kana guesses. "I know I do, when I stuffed you inside that tu-"

"Not the point S-SHUT UP!"

"-tu. Hm." Kana cups her chin briefly as she grunts in thought. "You know, I'm starting to think you're not very manly!"

"Don't you fucking go the-"

"Man, actually," Kana says with a malicious grin, "Dad's probably horribly disappointed. His boy's not a manly man like he is." She looks over at Lancer. "Say it like it is, Cu!"

"I'm not entirely sure who your father is but I can sort of agree," says the Lancer bluntly.

Ritsuka sits upright, fire in his eyes. "And mom's probably appalled that your butt's huge!"

Kana gasps. She trembles, tears starting to well in her eyes. "N-No... T-That's not true!"

He smirks, showing too many teeth and too much bloodthirst. "Say it like it is, Cu."

"...Yeah, I can sort of see it," Cu Chulainn says, sagely nodding. "Congratulations, Master! You have a figure kings would go to war over!"

"NO!" Kana jumps to her feet, face red and cheeks puffed. "MY BUTT IS NOT! BIG!"

"It's a Tohsaka thing, sis," Ritsuka says with the inevitability of time backing his words. "Ask mom about it. Better yet, ask dad. Or, you know, check a picture."

"NO! I REFUSE! IT'S NOT BIG!" Kana runs out of the room before Ritsuka can needle her any further, bowling past the Lancer as she sprints down the hall.

"You're my sister but I'm sure Lancer loved to see you leave!" He shouts after her. A moment passes. He looks at Cu. "You did see her leave, right?"

"How could I not?" The Lancer asks. "I have to say, Master, I feel for you. She's a troublesome one."

Ritsuka shrugs. "I'm used to it."

"Well, alright then. If you need me you know how to call." Lancer kicks his red lance up and drapes it over his shoulders. "I'm going to make sure Caster doesn't cause trouble and enslave another Saber. Try not to cry in here so much! It's not manly!"

Lancer runs out, fading into spirit form, long before Ritsuka can shake his fist and protest.

- Chapter Two End -