It started at the garden Mashu likes. On a park bench, surrounded by fake grass and fake blue skies, armed with nothing but a laptop and beautiful silence, Ritsuka works. And it is good work. It is peaceful, serene, and productive.

Until he is interrupted. "Ritsuka, there's something you need to know."

"Hm?" Ritsuka turns to the Archer who could be mistaken for his father, a man who was tall, tanned, and powerfully built - just ethnic enough to look like him, but just buff enough to have little familial resemblance. "What's up, Archer?"

And only then does he realise that, for the first time since both of them stepped into Chaldea, the Red Archer is wearing glasses and a business suit. And like this, he looks very much like Emiya Shirou. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this," his father says with a blank expression. "But I'm getting a divorce."

If Ritsuka had coffee, he'd drink it and spit it out. As it is, he simply slams the laptop screen shut so hard it explodes into a shower of glass, metal, and plastic. "What?! Why?! When did you even get here?!"

"I only settled down to raise the two of you. Now that you're grown, I'm free to be a superhero." He takes off his glasses and turns his back on his son, literally and figuratively. "When we next meet, I'll be dead or on trial for World War 3." He shrugs. "Maybe both. Goodbye, son."

"W-Wait!" Without thinking, Ritsuka grabs his father by the shoulder and squeezes as tightly as he can, for fear that he'll slip away. "What about mom? What about Kana?! You can't just walk away from your family!"

"Yes I can," Shirou answers coldly.

"Yes he can," Rin echoes beside them. Ritsuka looks over in horror as he sees his mother, dressed in a cardigan and a pleated skirt, walks over with her arms crossed, smiling brightly and with an air of foreboding. "It's alright, Ritsuka. It's for the best for all of us. With your father gone, I can finally marry Aunt Saber, usurp the throne, and forge an empire that will last a thousand years!"

"Mom?!"

"Also I'm going to wield the powers of a Goddess and be as promiscuous as I like," she adds casually, and with a snap of her fingers switches to a skimpy mesopotamian bikini, with the only concession to modesty being a single navy blue thigh high. Her eyes, now deep red, squint deviously at her son. "But don't worry, Ritsuka, mommy won't leave~ you~ alone~~"

"OH GOD NO!" He recoils backwards, flipping the bench over and landing onto his back. Ritsuka tumbles down the hill he swears wasn't there before and lands face-first into something soft and warm. He looks up, and sees the face of his twin sister.

"O-Oniichan, ecchi," she mutters softly, while covering her face with her hands. He recoils immediately, holding himself up by his arms, but that just lets Kana start squirming while her hands explore the curvature of her face. "O-Oniichan… W-What do I do... I'm feeling weird right now, a-and only you can-"

Screaming, Ritsuka pushes Kana away and scrambles to his feet. Heart pounding in his ears, brain turning to mush, Ritsuka tries to run away, and in his struggle bumps his head into a solid metal shield. Head spinning, ears ringing, Ritsuka looks up and sees Mashu Kyrielight, fully clad in armour, looking down at him with absolute disgust.

"W-Wait, Mashu," he blubbers, while his sister grabs him by the bicep, "Mashu, I can explain-"

"So this is who you really are," she says, eyes narrowed with hate.

Ritsuka looks up at her with huge horrified eyes. His body won't respond and everything hurts as ice starts creeping up his spine, like she's grabbed him by the heart and won't let go. And all the while, his sister is dragging him into a hug. "Mashu, please, please listen to-"

"It's over, Senpai. We're finished." She says those words coldly, all the while looking upon him like he was a pig, rolling in his own filth. He can't breathe. He can't hear over the sound of his heart failing to pump, his blood icing over with fear.

"M-Mashu… But… But I…" He swallows, and croaks out his last words. "I-I love you…"

Her eyes narrow imperceptibly more. "If only anyone could ever love you. Have fun with your sister, senpai."

Ritsuka's blood ran cold. His head turned to stone. His heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Slowly, bit by bit, his sister pressed into his back, Ritsuka fell to darkness.

And he screamed for every second of it.

When Mashu woke up suddenly at 3am, she knew that something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.

When the alarms started going off in the fifteen seconds after she woke up, she was already sprinting towards her senpai's room.

"...So how long is Ritsuka-senpai going to be here?" Mashu asks worriedly, hands trembling over her chest, still wearing nothing but the hoodie she slept in. Napping on her head, Fou just flicks his ears as languidly as possible in direct contrast to her distress. As the little monster does, Kana thinks while cooing mentally over his fluffy lil' feetsies. "I-Is he alright? Will he live? Oh, I should have reacted sooner!"

Kana wants to say something. She really does. She opts to instead ignore the fact that Mashu beat her to his room even though Kana sleeps in the room right opposite of Ritsuka's and she got to Ritsuka's room within like five or ten seconds of the alarm going off. So, she turns to Roman and Leonardo, dressed in proper attire unlike their resident Demi-Servant, and asks the important questions. "So, what's the damage, and how long until he's fixed?"

Romani exchanges a look with Leonardo, and when Leonardo tilts her head in the most coy way possible he sighs and takes it like a man. "Kana, Ritsuka broke two of his cervical vertebrae and ruptured his vocal chords. We put him into a medical coma because when he woke up just now he just started screaming again. I don't know if he'll be fixed."

"Meaning to say that he should be fine in a few days," Leonardo concludes next to him with a smile. Kana doubts that, considering he's currently hooked up to a ventilator and an IV drip, but what does she know, she's not a doctor. "Romani likes to undersell his abilities and our technologies. In the meantime, however, someone needs to take over his duties as he recovers. And it has to be one of you!"

Frowning, Kana turns to Roman. "Are you gonna start doing your job as Director now?"

Roman looks back with a sad smile. "Do you trust me to do my job?"

"Fair enough." Shaking her head, Kana folds her arms and turns on her heels to face Mashu, still watching Ritsuka with concern. "Welp, guess I'm in charge for now."

"Understood." Ignoring the way Roman sighs, Mashu nods and starts flipping through her phone while Fou yawns before going back to sleep. "Senpai sent me a message he wanted me to pass you in case this sort of thing happens. He's prepared for this."

"Of course he has." Rolling her eyes, Kana looks back at her brother, sleeping in bed. So all it takes for him to have proper rest is a whole lot of drugs and a whole lot of neck trauma. Who knew? "So, what does he want to tell me?"

"He says… 'Please don't kill them'."

"Mm." Kana sucks on her teeth. "I'm gonna go with 'nah, brah'. C'mon, Mashu, I've got announcements to make."

In 2026, mankind was incinerated

But not as badly as Ritsuka got burned by his own insecurities

Now Chaldea is left adrift as the only person nerd enough to do everything can't do anything

Nevertheless, humanity still needs to be saved

So Kana will do his job for now

Productivity weeps in…

FATE/SUNNY ORDER

"So!" Kana claps her hands together as she stands on top of a table. "You're all probably wondering why I've gathered you here at the Cafe."

"Ritsuka broke his own neck," Archer EMIYA says immediately, as dead as disappointed as Ritsuka ever managed. Next to him, Arturia Pendragon pats him on the shoulder in solidarity, knowing full well the maudlin depths that Ritsuka plumbs on a regular basis.

"...Yes, but actually not the reason why I called you here."

A few gasps from the crowd of Servants. Marie plants her hands on her own neck in sympathetic pain, to the fretting worry of D'Eon. Atalanta tilts her head slightly in surprise. Nobunaga grumbles bitterly as she slaps a kit-kat into Okita's waiting palm for some bet or another. The Gorgon Sisters snigger, grin, and look horrified in descending age order. Blackbeard whistles and taps his chest twice with a fist in salute. In fact, the only person who doesn't seem surprised at all is Gilgamesh.

"It was only a matter of time," the King of Heroes says with a sigh. "I'm sure you have suspicions already, but suffice to say that this was no mere night terror. Ritsuka was attacked. Indeed, our enemy may have begun to play their hand."

"You're certain?" Medea asks him grimly.

"No," Gilgamesh replies firmly. "I'm kidding. This is no attack." He brushes a hand through his hair and smirks as he glances sidelong at the rest of his fellow Servants. "Not from our enemies, anyways."

Kana blinks. She points a finger at him. "Did. Did you just give us useful information for once?"

"I think he just did," Mashu says in awe.

"Fou fou," Fou adds in a constructive manner.

"Impudent! All the information I give is useful!"

"More useful than you, at least," Archer mumbles under his breath.

Immediately, Gilgamesh glares right into the back of his head. "Would you like to say that to my face, faker?"

"Oh?" Slowly, weightily, EMIYA returns that glare. "So you admit it, then?"

Gilgamesh clenches his jaw. EMIYA smirks in response. Then, many golden gates appear behind the King of Heroes.

"...Senpai?" Mashu looks at Kana with a great deal of worry, but the girl seems nonplussed. "Senpai, they-they're about to-"

Abruptly, the gates behind Gilgamesh close shut - and one appears right under EMIYA, just long enough to shoot a red and gold fidget spinner upwards into another waiting gate. Two seconds pass, and then Archer collapses into a fetal position, moaning as he clutches at his head.

"...Enuma Elish," Gilgamesh says with a scowl, before turning away with a huff. Judges find themselves split on whether that counts as a win for the King of Heroes, or a loss on his part.

Nevertheless, Kana doesn't care. Not right now, anyways.

"Right, the reason I've gathered everyone here is because I'm going to be in charge until Ritsuka comes back. So what that means is-"

The cafe erupts with cheering. The tension filling the cafe, which was previously palpable (though not quite thick), has now completely deflated. All concern for Ritsuka has disappeared now that they know what happened to him, and so begins their own concerns on how to waste their evening.

"Yay, we can watch movies on speaker!" Marie cheers and claps. "Medea, Medea!"

"Yes, Marie, this is Medea." The Witch of Betrayal, fresh from a day of therapy - which at her current stage is spending an hour a day in a room filled with stuffed toys - raises her arms in the folds of her robes, allowing junk food and drinks to tumble out. "I have the refreshments."

"Yaaaaaaaay," Altera cheers blandly, spilling out of the couch she was flopped in, holding a DVD case over her head. "I found Schindler's Cute List."

"Oh! You want to watch it with us, Altera? The more the merrier!"

"Yes," the Scourge of God says breathily. She turns her head to Kana. "Master, wanna watch?"

Mashu blinks. "Senpai, isn't Schindler's List-"

"Yeah, it's…" Clicking her tongue, Kana pushes the DVD case in Altera's hands down. "Settle down, girls. I'm not done." She turns to Nobunaga's direction, where the Demon King is on her way towards the store closet. "Nobu, do you remember the last time you shot some guns?"

Tapping on her chin, still taking small steps towards potentially explosive compounds, Nobu hems and haws. "Actually, thinking about it… Iunno if I ever shot anything! Crying shame, that!"

"We went to farm wyverns a couple dozen times when we first got summoned, remember?" A beleaguered Okita says behind her.

"Yeah, but that was, like, two years ago."

"It's only been a few months, Nobu, get your timelines straight."

"Yeah? Then tell me exactly how many months!"

"...I-I don't have to answer that! I'm a Division Captain of the Shinsengumi! I don't need to keep track of that sort of stuff, I-I have clerks for that!"

"Yeah, see," Kana starts, "It's been, what, four months, almost five? Most of you are still on your First Ascension. I know that Ritsuka doesn't care, and normally I don't, but I'm in charge now. And like the only person here who goes out more than once a week is Cu." She jabs a thumb in his direction, carefully avoiding making eye contact with the celt who has torn off the chest part of his bodysuit. "That man right there is the reason Aunt Saber has a cute mink cloak."

"Aw, Master, you can look if you want! I'm always up for-"

"Not now, Lancer!" Kana snaps her fingers to try and maintain focus, hers and everyone else's. "Anyways, starting tomorrow, I'm quadrupling the mission rate. I'm planning on bringing everyone to at least third Ascension before my dumb idiot brother wakes up, and ain't no way we're doing that the way we are now. First team, meet me at the Leyshift room at, iunno, nine in the morning. Oh, and uh, first team will be..." She drums her fingers together, scanning through the room. "Nobu, Okita, and Medusa. We found another Singularity F and I want bones. Don't be late!"

"Aights, Master," Nobu waves as she leaves, "I'll be there! Don't worry if I'm late though, because it can't be helped!" She turns around, flashing double finger guns at Kana. "See you~"

Okita, before leaving, turns to her Master with a frown. Kana replies with a wordless, blank-faced thumbs up that turns into a thumbs down into a thumb dragged across the neck. Okita, smiling, nods and leaves as well. Unblinking, Kana turns to Medusa.

"I'll be there," Medusa says with a small nod, reading a book as always. She looks up, giving her a small, uneasy smile. "Don't worry, Master. I'm not one to shirk from responsibility."

"Good! Thanks, Rider! Mashu," she whispers surreptitiously, "In case I forget, if Nobu is late tomorrow, Robin's taking over. Oh, and I'm putting Nobu in stocks."

Mashu gasps. "Senpai, isn't that a little extreme for a first time offender?"

Kana raises an eyebrow at her.

"...Point… But it's still just being tardy!"

"Fou, fou fou," Fou says on her head, waving a paw back and forth.

"What the little guy said," Kana says flatly. She scratches Fou on the head for that, and not just because he's the cutest, fluffiest little monster she's ever had the pleasure of cooing over. "Besides, it's just a bit of humiliation. Public shaming never killed anyone!"

From a distance, Jeanne inches next to Arturia. "Kana isn't actually going to do that to anyone, right? I-It's a bit… much, don't you think?"

Arturia, deep in her cups, clicks her tongue. In the peaceful embrace of green tea, the zen of serenity keeps Arturia from really considering. "Well," she says in a high-pitched, sing-song voice, "What happens, happens, right? Let's just wait and see, shall we?"

By lunch the next day, Nobunaga was put in stocks in the park, wrists and neck clapped between two heavy logs while still wearing her pajamas - an adorable onesie, bearing the affections of samurai lamellar. A sign was then hung from her neck, bearing strict instructions not to release her until after she's apologised twenty thousand times, promised to never make bombs again - and was willing to back it with a command seal - or otherwise begged for mercy, instructions signed by Kana Tohsaka.

"A-At least she didn't grab my head," Nobu says in a daze to passersby as she giggles softly. "O-Otherwise my bombs will break! E-Ehehe…"

Leonidas, passing by on his morning jog, gazes briefly upon the altar, and he contemplates the decisions that have brought him up to this point. As soon as he comes to a conclusion, swiftly as is customary of Spartan tradition, he leaves, not once looking back. Hesitation is death on the battlefield, and this is a battlefield unlike any he's fought before.

Something terrible has begun. And he will have no part in it.

The heartbeat monitor on his bedside continues to beep. It's good and regular, every so often coinciding with the rise and fall of Ritsuka's chest. That's good. That means he's at peace right now. God knows, he stresses himself out often enough as is. Tablet on her lap, one hand clasping the bars on his hospital bed, too afraid to do what she wants to do, Mashu Kyrielight sighs as Ritsuka Tohsaka, his head propped up by a medical brace, continues to sleep.

She knows he's alright now. She knows that he'll be alright when he wakes up. And she knows that he'll be alright once things go back to normal. But Mashu can't help but see the members of the A-Team when she's by his bedside, frozen in their cryo-caskets, kept on the brink of life and death because they were the closest to the bomb. She's only visited them once or twice because she could only bear to visit them once or twice. Looking at them now feels like a failure. It's frustrating.

She wishes Ophelia was around to talk about books. She wishes Pepe was around to joke around and take nothing seriously, yet provide good advice at the last moment. And she wishes that at least they were around to meet Ritsuka and Kana, to meet the other people she's gotten to know, and who she has so much to thank for teaching her about living.

But they're on ice now. And Ritsuka broke his own neck because someone gave him nightmares. And if she ever finds out who they are she'll be the-

-Ah, right, that's right, she came to give her report for the week. Mashu unlocks her tablet, flicking her finger through various documents, and clears her throat. "So this week, Kana sent out Servants to secure ascension materials, QP, and other essentials that we need to keep our Servants supplied and ready for future operations. She said, and I quote, that you're a big fat dummy for not keeping on top of that more." Mashu looks up and nods. "Honestly, senpai, I'm surprised you didn't tell us sooner. If we'd known we were that short on QP, I would have helped you with the deployments."

Ritsuka doesn't reply. Of course he doesn't. Even if he wasn't in a coma, his throat is badly swollen. He can't talk. Mashu sighs.

"...But I get why you didn't. You don't like asking them to do more than they absolutely have to, right?" Mashu shakes her head lightly as she swipes to the next page of the report. "Because they're great heroes who have done great things, and you're just senpai. You don't like to impose on people, and especially not people who have suffered in life and deserve to take a break."

More silence. That's fine. Mashu knows him well enough to know that Ritsuka would be trying to deny it. And failing.

"I think that's nice, senpai. You're not pushy. You would rather do something yourself than ask people to do it for you. It's what sets you apart from Kana-senpai." Mashu frowns. "But that's why Kana-senpai is so much better at handling them, too. There's nothing wrong with asking people to help. Especially not since we're so far behind on our stores!"

Honestly. Just because they have the facilities up and running again, and have enough food and power, and the Servants are strong enough already, doesn't mean it's good enough! At the very least, they should be able to unlock the full potential of their Servants. Maybe if they go far enough, they might get additional Noble Phantasms!

"...Still, I can't help but be a little worried," Mashu says in a small voice. "Kana-senpai's been pushing them hard to make up the deficit. Well, some of them at least…"

"I quit."

Peeling a tangerine, Okita raises her katana - which she was using to peel said tangerine - and tries to bonk Nobunaga over the head with its pommel. Naturally, Nobu blocks with one of her muskets. "What's the problem now?" Okita asks.

"It's all these missions! Master's been having me gather one hundred bones this week! One hundred bones! From that Fuyuki place or whatever! Do you know how many bones those skeletons drop?!"

"Doesn't the human body have, like, two hundred bones?" Okita asks blandly. "Just take one skeleton back and let Leonardo handle it. Or, y'know, take two."

Nobu clicks her tongue. "As expected of the bloodbag, you don't get it. These bones can't just be harvested, you have to find the right ones!"

"Okay first off, rude. Second off, what right bones? If you didn't shoot all of them you might get two bones per skeleton!"

Nobu clicks her tongue some more. "No no, Hitokiri Battokita, it's special bones. Usually they just crumble to ash, so they're useless! But then sometimes one bone sticks around, and that's the ones that Master wants! For Ascensions and stuff!"

"Nobu seriously I beat up a skeleton the other day the whole thing was intact-"

"And how much did Leo count it as when you dragged it home while painting your haori red?" Nobu sneers.

"...Only one bone was good," Okita grumbles. "But maybe if you didn't shoot the skeletons, they'd have more bones to check!"

"What, and not shoot guns? What am I, a manslayer?"

"By some accounts yes," Okita remarks bitterly under her breath.

"This is slavery!" Nobu cries out, while slamming both fists onto the table. "Slavery! I will not stand for this! I am Nobunaga! Demon King of the Sixth Heaven! I am no slave, I enslave! Do you know how much free time I get to have here?"

"Clearly a lot, if you're complaining at me."

"Eight hours! A day! And that's if I work hard!" Nobu starts shaking her fists at the sky. "This is outrageous! How dare I be worked like this! This is what retainers are for!"

"Haven't you been complaining about being bored for the last three months?" Okita asks flatly. "Ever since Leo gave up on you being a good assistant-"

"I am a fantastic assistant! I make good results! I am Oda Nobunaga!"

"-Because you kept making smart comments, you've been rotting in here with me!" Okita blinks while she eats a slice of tangerine. "And that's kind of sad, but the point is now you get to go out and do something! Why are you complaining!"

"Bah! BAH! Of course a government attack dog will never understand! I wanted a grand project to work on of my own volition! Not mere scutwork, menial drudgery fit only for public sector assassins like the Shinsengumi!"

"Excuse me?!"

"I want to do my own thing!" Nobu cries out. "And maybe I will! Master used to be fun, but now she's just a slave driver! But I'm no slave! I'm Oda Nobunaga! I burn the monkmen and the monkwomen and the monkchildren! In fact, I should remind her that no one can control-"

"Mm," Kana says, right behind Nobu, a cup of coffee in one hand and her sword over the shoulder in the other. "You know, for a legendary general of the Sengoku Jidai period, you are really bad at noticing when I'm right behind you."

Nobu goes stiff. She does not turn around. Masters see through movement, you see, and if she's perfectly still-

"I'm not a velociraptor," Kana says, rolling her eyes. Which, Okita notes, have bags under them. Small ones, faint ones, but they're there. She takes a sip of coffee. "Anyways, Nobu. Do Servants need sleep?"

"...Yes?"

Kana nods. "Too bad then. I'm raising your quota to five hundred bones a week. Chop chop, Nobu, or I'll do… something, Iunno, I'm tired." Another sip of coffee. "Probably make you babysit Altera. I'll make you watch Schindler's List with her."

"...That's supposed to be bad, right?" Nobu tilts her head. "I mean, I get that it's supposed to be a threat, Master, but is that bad? It's not a bad movie."

"It's the german version of Grave of the Fireflies, Nobu, it's pretty bad." Kana blinks. "I mean, not like, bad bad, but it's a super sad movie, so..."

Oda Nobunaga is already running for the leyshift chamber, screaming her head off. Okita, having never watched either movie, does not understand what's going on. And she does not want to know. Instead, she goes back to her tangerines.

"And you, Okita," Kana says menacingly, which makes the Shinsengumi Captain tense for a moment. "...Thanks for helping with that wyvern raid the other day. I know you're sick and all, but I'm glad you still do your best." Kana smiles slightly at her. "Kinda wish we could do something about that TB, but well… It's part of your legend."

"It's okay, Master," Okita says, even though the way she's almost about to cry makes it clear that it is not okay. "I'm used to it! I'm just happy to help out where I can, you know? I just hope I don't burden everyone around me with my illness. Tangerine?"

"Thanks!" Kana takes the offered fruit and swallows it whole. "See, if more people were like you, we wouldn't have serious budget issues." Kana downs the rest of her coffee. "Anyways, we're getting word of some really good loot in the next week, but apparently these singularities are tough nuts to crack. SHEBA's calling them Hunting Quests. You wanna try?"

Okita blinks. She raises both arms over her head. "Yes. All the yes. Oh my yes."

"Yes!"

"Yay! Okita-san's great victory!" Okita looks at her Master. "By the way, Master, what's Grave of the Fireflies?"

"A very sad movie. Don't watch it." Kana shrugs. "Or do. Iunno, you have time. Anyways I have to get Leonidas to stop running away from me, ciao~"

It has been a week since Kana took over as the Team Leader while Ritsuka recovers. Oda Nobunaga, Archer and Fool of Owari, now spends her days outside Chaldea, her only contact with it being a mana supply and the few hours she can scrounge here and there between drop offs - and naturally all the times she plays truant, with humiliating results.

Or so Arturia Pendragon hears. Truthfully, she hasn't been back to Chaldea very often, either. As a King, she was already one of the Servants who regularly deployed to little-s singularities to recover resources, and as a working adult who very pointedly does not freeload, she readily agreed to take on additional duties to cover the apparent overhead that Ritsuka had neglected. Which, ultimately, left her crusading beyond Chaldea more often than not.

She does not mind, as she rarely deploys alone. Her teammates vary, but she is regularly attached to an Archer to provide fire support while she destroys the enemy in close quarters, which leaves her either plenty of time to reminisce with the Red Archer on the occasions he participates, or more often a good opportunity to converse with Robin of Sherwood, who can share the sordid details of what happened to her kingdom after Camelot fell. Without the depressing knowledge of what happens after the Second World War.

Today, however, she's been deployed with Jeanne D'Arc, ostensibly due to the higher risk attached to this more lucrative singularity. Indeed, the opponents she's faced so far have been the tougher variety of skeleton warrior, being larger and green and imbued with terrifyingly powerful magics. Which, more or less, makes them impotent in the face of her draconic lineage and the Saint's blessings.

Which makes what would be a terrifying battle, two maidens armed with only swords and spears against a literal army of archers, pikemen, and other such nonsense, into a relative cakewalk. As is ideal; a difficult battle is a warrior's guilty pleasure. An easy victory is a King's favoured outcome.

Also, when the Saint has taken a liking to modern artillery doctrine, you learn there is a lot you can do with a thrown femur.

"Well then!" The Saint says happily to her, atop a field of shattered bones and burnt landscape. The flag she leans against her shoulder, which she's given to understanding is her defensive Noble Phantasm, is a smouldering red from the temperatures she's subjected it to. It's fortunate, then, that a Noble Phantasm is invulnerable to such things as combustion and air resistance and being thrown at Mach 5. "I think that was a well fought battle, Saber! Shall we head back?"

Saber nods. "Aye, I've rarely had the pleasure of so decisive and painless a victory. But we should take care to recover the more valuable reagents beforehand. I would rather not carry several hundred crushed skeletons back to Chaldea."

"I'm positive I carbonised more than a third of their forces, though?"

"Aye, and I myself vaporised another third with various applications of Mana Burst. I was more referring to the intact specimens." She gestures with her hand at the vast expanses of what should be France, were it not on fire. So France during the time of Jeanne D'Arc, in her battle against the Dragon Witch. "It would take days to comb through this much territory. Our senses as Servants should allow us to pick up the more magically reactive pieces."

"I suppose. I could use a break," the Saint admits, taking the opportunity to stretch one of her shoulders - which must either be stiff or forged from steel, the King pointedly does not think in passing - and flex her neck. "And it could be a rare opportunity for us to converse!"

"We speak regularly already, Jeanne. Quite regularly."

"Yes, but usually there are others with us! Here, we can speak privately."

Saber considers the possibility that Jeanne D'Arc might be seducing her. Saber also considers the fact that Jeanne D'Arc is French. And yet, Saber must admit that Jeanne D'Arc also probably does not understand that seduction has an adult element to it, likely believing it to be a matter of friendship but more. Without understanding what 'more' is. She nods her head once. "Indeed, a good thing, that. I shall take the sector to the south first, you can comb through this stronghold we annihilated. Perhaps you can find what happened to the demon we obliterated."

"No problem! But I insist that I had the demon under control."

"It had you in its grip and was about to eat you."

"All the better to kill it from within!"

"Mm." Saber shall acquiesce on this front. It is often much easier to slaughter giant monsters from within, provided one survives the consumption and the stomach juices.

Unfortunately, she speaks from personal experience.

They speak at length about the twins. Of course they do. Arturia is well aware of the rapport that the Saint built with her young charges during the Singularity in Orleans, just as she is plainly aware that she was closely involved in their upbringing. Kana's swordplay, while haphazard and an inelegant fusion with the single-handed sword forms of bajiquan, is still the fruits of her effort. Not to mention, the girl has been making progress towards unifying them. Just not enough.

One does not have time to think about acting in a fight. They only have time to act. Just because Kana has made more progress towards this epiphany than her brother does not mean she has made this epiphany, herself. The fact of the matter is that she is talented enough to make fewer mistakes than most; but Arturia demands that she make no mistakes at all.

Which is a discussion of swordplay that largely goes over Jeanne's head. Which is fair enough. The Maid of Orleans was a bannerwoman, general and artillerist, not a swordswoman. Even if the strength of the Ruler class allows her to wield it competently. Mm. She should offer to teach Jeanne. It would be a good gesture of camaraderie. And she would get to prove the supremacy of Britain over France yet again. A truly noble goal.

Still, other matters take primacy. Such as matters drift towards more current events.

"I do worry about what Kana is trying to do, though," Jeanne notes, though she does not speak with too much concern. "I do agree that militarily, Chaldea's reserves are currently rather meagre, but considering the tempo of our current operations, is making up the deficit, as it were, really such a priority? Orleans was perhaps the most dangerous Singularity thus far, and it was resolved with a minimum of fanfare. There was a misjudgement when it came to the Demon Pillar, certainly, but Leonardo has noted that Chaldea will be able to deploy six Servants in the future, exclusive of Miss Kyrielight!" The Saint purses her lips as she picks up an intact bone, judging its viability before tossing it aside. "Do you think that Kana is trying to assert her authority and prove that she can lead, despite letting Ritsuka take charge this entire time?"

Arturia considers this possibility before discarding it immediately. Certainly, Kana has always been happy to let Ritsuka do all the work, but she has never had any concerns about her own abilities. The twins are well matched in this regard, she has always believed. Ritsuka is more administratively inclined, while Kana has the pulse of the organisation as well as the bigger picture. One eye on the details, one eye on the future. "No. Kana is perfectly secure in her capacity to lead. She's not asserting her authority. She's taking advantage of a bad situation."

"Oh?" Jeanne takes a seat on a nearby fallen tree, tucking her legs into her chest and tilting her head quizzically at the King of Knights. "Okita once mentioned that Kana lamented not even being Club President to her, though."

"Ah, that." Saber shakes her head and sighs. "I don't doubt that Kana has regrets about not taking on more leadership roles in school. They do look good on resumes and such, after all. That said, I can guarantee that she would regret taking on an official leadership role more."

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

"Kana is a lazy girl." A moment passes. Jeanne raises a finger, then lowers it, in awe of the absolute bluntness of Saber's statement. "I should elaborate. Kana hates work and would rather spend her time doing whatever she feels like, not being tied to a routine of any kind. But she also has enough of a sense of responsibility that, if she has been appointed a task, she will do everything in her power to see it done before she goes off to play." Another moment as Saber nods to herself in remembrance. "And Kana has no shame, so she has no problem whatsoever getting others to help her - and, as she is a popular girl with many friends, she gets that help."

Jeanne nods. "I still don't see the point, Saber."

"Kana also has extremely high standards. For herself, mostly, but also for others." Saber shrugs. "It is why she insists that her father is a genius. Actually knowing the man, I can safely assure you that Shirou Emiya is not a genius. In fact, he might be an idiot. But with age comes wisdom and with practice comes proficiency." There is a twinkle in Saber's eyes. "And I have ensured that he has had much practice."

Jeanne blinks. She tilts her head. Then she realises it. "Ah! I see, you're saying that Kana is comparing her progress to a man who has had twenty years to hone his craft."

"And also has the perfect combination of traits to develop a one-of-a-kind ability and the lucky happenstance of running into his future self, who had already mastered that ability, thereby downloading all of his future memories and developing more or less the ideal foundation with which to hone his craft." Saber, instinctively, raises her hand and tries to sip her tea, but finds that in the field, she does not have tea. Fortunately, she is able to pass it off as brushing one of her bangs aside. Arturia Pendragon, elegant as always. "As I said, Kana has high expectations. And she's also put her father on enough of a pedestal that he's met those expectations."

Jeanne nods. "But, going back to her leadership style…"

"She has the same expectations of her helpers. And, as she considers herself the minimum baseline of competence…"

"...She thinks that anyone who doesn't accomplish as much as her is wasting her time." Jeanne's eyes widen, then she nods again. "But from all accounts, Kana herself is actually a highly intelligent and capable young woman. Which makes it an impossible standard!"

"More or less," Saber says. "Or, to put it into fewer words, as long as Kana works, everyone works."

Jeanne nods again, then frowns. "Wait, but then how does that reflect on what she's trying to do in Chaldea?"

"She noticed a deficiency in the bookkeeping and figured Ritsuka would deal with it, and was happy to follow his lead when he didn't, because of his - highly optimistic but valid - belief that, with these many powerful Servants in Chaldea, there would be little point in investing in every Servant anyways, and he rather not impose. However, now that Kana is in charge, she's taking the opportunity to resolve this issue before it can compound into an issue, all the while showing the rowdier elements of Chaldea two things."

"That she can be firm if she wants to?" Jeanne asks.

"And that Ritsuka has not been as firm as he should be, so they should be more appreciative of him," Arturia answers with a nod. "As usual, Kana is being constructively manipulative. And that is why the mission tempo has been so high of late, and will continue to be high until Ritsuka recovers and takes charge again."

"Ah," Jeanne sighs contentedly and cups her face with her hands. "Sibling love… How wonderful! For all their bickering, you can't deny that Ritsuka and Kana care for one another! Saber, do you have siblings?"

"I had an older brother," Arturia nods. "What about you, Ruler?"

"I have older siblings. However, I would like to have a little brother and a little sister."

"I hear they are quite troublesome to have, actually."

"I wouldn't mind," Jeanne says with an angelic smile. "From what I've seen, I find them quite charming."

"They always say that," Saber says with a laugh. "Well, Ruler, it has been a fine talk. Shall we head back now?"

"Of course, Saber. But I should ask, how do you know so much about their lives at school?"

"I know everything," Arturia replies, as if it were obvious. A moment passes. "I also taught english at their high school, and I was the one who recommended Ritsuka run for Student Council President."

"Ritsuka was a President? It would explain where his administrative skills come from!"

"As well as his experience in fights," Saber says. Jeanne looks at her with a raised eyebrow, but she just keeps talking. "Kana was a frequent target for comments by the boys, you see, the usual teenager topics, but she remained popular despite all the commentary and took care of herself very well." Arturia sniffs. "That said, Ritsuka is also the protective type, so the first boy who spoke about Kana's wholesomeness in front of him got punched in the face."

Jeanne continues looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

"From what I hear, it was like lightning."

"Why would Ritsuka get violent over praising his sister?" Jeanne asks, confused.

"Ah… It wasn't praise. Not the kind Kana would appreciate, anyways…"

Ritsuka Tohsaka is a big dumb idiot. For a nerd who somehow became Student Council President, he can't even balance the books properly! Gah, and he's always talking about the big picture and the mission and whatever more nerd stuff but here he is with the huge mess that is their mats and QP reserves! She used to just make snarky remarks about how he never Ascends anyone who isn't a 'power Servant', but looking at the actual books, no wonder! They couldn't afford to even if they wanted to!

He's supposed to be the fiscally responsible one! He better be anyways! He spends more money than she does! Granted its because gemcraft but boo hoo that just means he has an excuse! She just wanted to chill with historical figures and get to know them, maybe develop a new appreciation for myth and legend! Now she's managing their budget!

"It's not that bad, Kana-senpai," Mashu says reassuringly beside her, while she does excellent work on keeping track of all the servants she's sent out and how many mats and quantum bits they brought back. They're on track to plugging the hole by the end of three weeks, thankfully. Maybe she can hand things back to Ritsuka by then. "If everyone pitches in, I'm sure we'll be alright! Medusa and Marie have been acquiring plenty of quantum pieces, so we shouldn't run out anytime soon. In fact, we could pull them to other things soon, actually."

"Mashu, dear, you have no idea how much QP it takes to get FATE to bolster a Servant. Rits has been buffing the containers on Aunt Saber and Herk, but that extra capacity doesn't actually make them stronger, except I guess by slightly raising base parameters or something. And that's the easy part." Kana starts rubbing her temples harder. "Oh god it already costs so much why is that the easy part."

"It doesn't cost that much, though?"

Kana, quietly, scrolls to a spreadsheet, describing estimated income and expected expenditure required for maximum skill boost, then the estimated cost per Servant per Skill, then the total cost per Servant. Mashu looks at it, brow furrowed in concentration. Then they slowly open wide like dinner plates.

"...But the Riders bring in over a million QP per run on average," Mashu says softly, voice quavering. "A-And a run takes a day..."

"Haven't even talked about how many embers it takes to top everyone off too." Kana's head was on the table by now, and she was trying to push her head through it. "Why are Servants so high maintenance why does everyone eat so much."

The Shielder, dutiful as ever, runs some quick mental math and pales at the thought. Knowing full well that Chaldea also uses QP to maintain its arcane infrastructure - especially now that alternatives were going to be all but impossible to acquire - as well as the sheer amount the various Casters would need for their experiments, not to mention what the Mystic Codes needed…

And the really important things still needed impossible reagents they could only source for now by killing monsters and praying they didn't break them in the process.

And as the number of Servants in Chaldea grew, their needs would also…

Mashu stands up, which draws Kana's attention. She looks up, her forehead an angry red from when she tried to push it through solid plastic. "You need some air?"

"I need to help. Senpai, I'm going to talk to the Servants on standby and get their help."

"W-Wait hold on. Professor Waver's doing important work as oversight, Medea's still going through PTSD therapy, Altera is still in remission, and Gilgamesh is Gilgamesh. I've been trying not to use everyone, because what if we actually get attacked?"

"Archer Gilgamesh will still be here," Mashu asserts. "The rest of us should do our part, and I know they'll agree. Master, with your permission?"

Kana Tohsaka looks at her, the meek girl with the heart of a lion, so gentle yet so fiercely reliable that it is no wonder Ritsuka is drawn to her. She stands too. "Well alright then, but I'm coming along. It's more expedient if the Master comes along anyways, and I can get Leo or Roman to do Mission Control." She smiles at her Shielder. "Thanks, Mashu. You're always a big help to the big idiot."

"Not just him. You've been working hard too. The least I can do is to lighten the load on both my senpais." With a determined smile, Mashu raises a hand in as close an approximation of a salute as she knows. "Shielder Kyrielight, doing my best!"

Privately, Kana wonders if she should take a picture and share it with the dummy when he wakes up. But no. She worked hard for this. This one is just for her.

It has almost been three weeks since Kana has taken over Ritsuka's job. Chaldea is all but a ghost town now. Just about every Servant is away, fighting for the massive stockpiles of resources it desperately needs to keep up with the arms race that it didn't even know it was part of. Not that there were any signs of an arms race, because the past four Singularities were pretty easy all told, but that just means that they're getting complacent and that's actually kind of scary if you think about it.

But even Kana is away most of the time, leyshifting together with her Servants, rotating through the strike teams that require the support of a Master most. She only comes back for food and naps, pushing herself to limits she hasn't pushed since she did endurance streams back in her younger days. And Mashu is with her every step of the way, relentlessly supporting her Masters, no matter how she pushes her body. Chaldea is all but barren of Servants now. Only a small handful remain. Gilgamesh, because no one tells the King of Heroes when to work. Leonardo Da Vinci, not being actually contracted to either of the twins and being responsible for maintaining Chaldea anyways. Medea of Colchis, who has more downtime because everyone - Kana mostly - is afraid that she might have another psychotic break, itself a discussion to be had another time.

Altera, the Scourge of God, because a relentless, largely-unbroken chain of battle and destruction is not great when you're still recovering from being the avatar of extinction incarnate. No one complained when Kana announced she was allowed longer breaks than everyone else. No one but Altera anyways, since she's going to be alone while her friends get into cool fights.

And that means Altera is bored.

Bored people are idle.

Idle hands are where disasters begin.

And so Altera, who was once Attila the Hun, who is now a connoisseur of all things cute, who has a misguided opinion of what Schindler's List entails, is trying to figure out how to operate a Blu-Ray Player.

If a Saber watches a movie in her room, does anyone hear her scream?

Spriggans are a huge pain. Spriggans are probably the worst thing she's ever fought. Way worse than the time she nearly got exploded by the angry explosion farts of a Demon Pillar. These thoughts, and ones like them, run through the mind of Kana Tohsaka as she watches one of those rocky tree monsters literally pound Leonidas into the ground. She feels bad for him, because she's been there. It's not great.

Fortunately, it was dumb enough to do that while his Noble Phantasm was active.

"Actually, Senpai," Mashu calls out while punching a flailing steampunk robot with a top hat for a head in the face, "I just realised something! At the current rate, we're going to take a little over three weeks! So if we're all here, there won't be anyone by Ritsuka-senpai's side when he wakes up! Maybe one of us should go back?"

"...Nah!" A burst of gunfire over her head makes Kana click her tongue. "Robin, could you delete that Skelter for me?" Archer's reply is drowned out by Leonidas shouting the name of his noble phantasm just in time to blow off that Spriggan's head with a thrown spear, but the mob on the other side of the hedgerow is exploded by a bramble bush anyways. "Alright thanks! Anyways where were we?"

"Don't you think one of us should go back? Senpai went through a really traumatic experience!"

"Nah! I'm already cleaning up after him! I'm even wearing this stupid thing!" Kana stands up, pointing both hands at her Chaldean Battlesuit in protest. It is an orange skin tight bodysuit with white and black highlights, with a high collar and just enough bulk that it wasn't entirely fetishistic. "Look at it! It's ridiculous!"

She was told that it would be a skintight battlesuit. She was fitted for a skintight battlesuit. But the one Leonardo shoved her in three weeks ago never had a window!

Guda's bodysuit better have a window for his mantits too! It's 2026! Gender equality should be a thing by now!

Another burst of gunfire zips past Kana, missing her by inches, which Kana coldly responds to with several bolts of Gandr. The dark red energy detonates into jagged misshapen swords on contact with the wild machine, knocking it over just enough for Robin to fill it full of arrows. "That idiot better be grateful! And besides, he's not eight!"

"I mean, I guess!" Mashu shouts back. Another moment passes, punctuated by the odd crunch of metal under her balled fists. "But what about Al-"

Whatever Mashu says is drowned out by excessively loud neighing as Medusa rides her Pegasus across the skies and murders the headless Spriggan still trying to hammer Leonidas into the ground. And the conversation does not get to resume, because a dragon makes its dramatic entry by landing on the obliterated corpse of that Spriggan, also right over Leonidas.

To say the King of Sparta is displeased is to compare a cup of water to the Mediterranean Sea.

There is never truly a quiet day in Chaldea. Not even when just about every Servant is out there, fighting for money. Not that Romani Archaman begrudges them for doing their job, of course, this is exactly what they agreed to be summoned for. He just laments not being able to do more.

But right here, right now, while he's patting an alien superweapon on the head in a desperate bid to calm her down before she decides to hijack SHEBA and look for the nearest German to vaporise, he yearns for the days when he wasn't so horribly depressed and had a Big Guy to ask for advice.

"There there, Altera, there there." Still, he is a doctor, and while he might not be rated for child psychology - his speciality being in Post-Traumatic Stress after years of NGO intervention at active warzones - he did more or less successfully raise a maladjusted little girl into a capable young woman. "It's alright now, it's alright. The Nazis can't get you. We beat them eighty years ago."

Looking up with big teary eyes, Altera sniffles and gets snot over his lab coat, not that he minds. "R-Really? W-We beat the Nazis?"

"We did," he says with a nod and a warm smile.

Just how did the Scourge of God get it into her head to watch depressing war movies, anyways? Whoever is part of her movie club needs to get better at picking movies. You do not watch Schindler's List as your first serious war movie. It destroys people. Now, if they'd asked him, he would recommend Hacksaw Ridge! That was a beautiful, uplifting film. If you ignored his life after the war, anyways.

"...Did we beat them forever?"

"Hm?"

"S-So the bad civilisation never comes back," Altera says, between hiccups.

Roman chews briefly on his lip, though Altera does not notice. "We tried the Nazis for their crimes after the war and gave them the punishments they deserved," he says diplomatically.

"A-And they're gone forever?"

"...Sure." Roman decides against overthinking the details and keeps patting her on the head. "Don't worry, alright? Everything's already fine."

"Okay… B-But can we find pins? For Mister List?"

"Of course, Saber." He sets her down, relieved that Altera's doing fine now, at least. And she didn't display any homicidal tendencies either! She's been doing so much better since Rome.

Now if only Ritsuka could do a little better.

"So I decide to visit my brother's ward after a tiring campaign and the moment I step through the door he shoots me with Gandr." Right outside her brother's ward and wearing a bathrobe, Kana Tohsaka angrily blows her bangs out of her face and leans harder back into her folding chair, arms firmly crossed. "The idiot's got a bigger pillow fort than the time Mashu dumped him! What happened?"

"He woke up, found himself alone, thought his nightmare was still ongoing, and when I went in to check on him he started screaming about imposters and opened fire," Roman says with a deadpan face. Ritsuka isn't the only burned out and depressed man in this facility, he's just the loudest about it. "He's been spraying every robot and staff member trying to go in ever since."

"Wow." Kana clicks her tongue. "You mean everyone?"

"Senpai shot me when I tried going in," Mashu says, still in her Servant garb and smoking slightly, though she is otherwise fine. "He just aimed for the shield, but he was also crying. I think it's pretty bad, Kana-senpai."

"Boy's as trigger happy as his mother," Roman says with a rueful sigh.

"Yeah, he i-hold on." Kana leans back forward in her folding chair, the metal legs clacking loudly against the ceramic tile floors. "How do you know that?"

Oh. Oh no. Quick Roman, deflect like-

Realisation flashes across her eyes before he can react. Oh no. "I can't believe it," she gasps, eyes widening. "I'm so sorry I doubted you, doctor. If you researched our backgrounds that much, you're more of a leader than I expected! Maybe I should've let you handle this."

...Go with it, Roman. "N-No worries, Kana."

Her eyes narrow again. "You hesitated."

"Because he's afraid you'll overwork him, you slave driver!" Ritsuka yells from inside the room. "IF YOU'RE EVEN KANA!"

"Bite me nerd, you can't even do math properly!"

A dark red bolt of energy cracks through the wall and right over Kana's head, high enough that she was never in any danger but close enough that he could have hit if he wanted. Kana looks left, looks right, then shifts her chair further away from the door. Newly covered, Kana looks expectantly at Roman.

"No, Kana. He still needs a week or two of rehabilitation. If you go in and fight him that's going to turn into a month or two."

"Darn, then we have to talk him down." Kana clicks her tongue again and plants her hands on her hips, in a fashion that is strongly reminiscent of her mother, Roman unfortunately notes. "Guda hasn't been this prickly since I aced an exam I didn't study for," she mumbles.

"After your magical girl thing, right?"

Kana snaps her head to Roman so fast he feels whiplash. "Okay, who told you that?!"

Shit shit shit fix this Roman. "...L-Leo?"

She stands up and sends her folding chair clattering loudly to the ground. "That damn renaissance woman! STOP BEING A GENIUS!"

More shots ring out. Kana ducks and dodges them all. Roman blinks, then his eyes are drawn to the burn marks where his bolts exploded.

...For a boy with no nerve under pressure, that's some impressive shot grouping. "Let's talk somewhere else," Roman suggests.

"After my shower," Kana says. "I've been freshening up on wet wipes and naps for two weeks. I need to feel clean again."

"I'll clean you!" Ritsuka yells from his pillow fort.

"Die in a fire, Rits!" Kana yells back.

"The real Kana would mean it!"

"How long has he been like this?" Mashu whispers to Roman.

"It's been two days," Roman whispers back. "Whatever you do, Mashu, please hurry."

"So," Kana starts, now standing in her own room and still wearing her battlesuit because for some god-forsaken reason she is still working despite spending nearly two weeks in the field and the week before that doing paperwork, and she taps her foot irritably as she thinks aloud. "Rits is apparently eight years old and can't tell the difference between dreaming and real life, so the only way to get through to him is to convince him using something that he can't accept as being anything except what he already accepts as real." She snaps her fingers, pointing at Mashu. "Is Gilgamesh up for some bullying?"

"Unfortunately, the King of Heroes is currently nursing a migraine after Altera tried to mug him for his hair," her Shielder responds with sincere regret - and not a little bit of disbelief. "She was looking for golden things to give Oskar Schindler and he fit the bill, apparently."

"...I'll give it to her, she makes a good point. Does he realise just what he's missing out on?"

A golden portal appears over Kana's head and dumps a stone tablet out. Keen reflexes, enhanced by the battlesuit she wears, keep her from getting a migraine herself. Much as she loathes it, Chaldea's patented pervert apparel is actually really good for field use. Now remind herself to wear other stuff over it, like a high-necked vest with pockets. Mashu catches it before it can shatter off the ground, before frowning at the babylonian script. "I can't read this," she admits after several seconds of intense frowning, "But I assume he does, and hates that he is."

"...Right, then Plan B it is." Kana sighs, then pulls out her phone. "Hey, Blackbeard, I need you for something."

"...And tha's why I think Nodoka is objectively tha' best one fer the kid, an' tha's why I cheered when-"

"Oh dear god you aren't stopping." Ritsuka emerges from his dense pillow fortifications, bleary-eyed and more than a little bit skinnier than the last time he was awake. He trembles as he walks up to Blackbeard, hospital gown looser on his frame than before. "You're Blackbeard. You're my weaboo Blackbeard."

"Aye, I'm yer weaboo Blackbeard," the legendary pirate says with a curt nod, dressed the part for once, complete with the absolutely necessary tricorn hat. "Y'ain't gonna start huggin' me, are ya? B'coz tha'd be pretty sad, methinks."

Ritsuka looks down at his feet, contemplating the optics. He shrugs. "I am pretty sad," Ritsuka says, then wraps his arms around his Rider.

"Aye, fair nuff." Neither returning the hug nor rejecting it, Blackbeard merely awkwardly pats him on the head. "Fair nuff there, Master. Wanna talk 'bout wha' that dream was?"

"Not really, no."

Blackbeard nods. "Then wanna talk 'bout Shielder?"

"That's a hard no, Blackbeard."

"Aye, figured as much." A pause as Blackbeard looks about the room, wondering just how long this hug will last. "Ya gonna let go soon there, Master?"

"Shut up and let me hug you, Blackbeard."

And so he did.

That evening, Chaldea would have a celebration to mark the end of what some would call Kana's Reign of Terror, for they were three extremely busy weeks and Kana was the one to make it so. She also named it, so there isn't any actual bad blood, all things considered. Nobunaga swore vengeance, but she swears vengeance for everything and on everyone, herself included, so no one took it seriously.

Ritsuka, who started the evening gorging himself on an entire roast chicken, was invited to give a speech. He was not informed about what happened during his coma. He had only the faintest ideas of what happened. He was still jittery from low blood sugar and was still wearing a neck brace. He had been set up to fail for comedic effect, and he saw it for what it was: a platform for him to talk about how he thought his sister did during his absence.

Naturally, he already knew what they were going through. He saw the same thing happen back in high school, when Kana was still in the Kyuudo Club during their second year and, given the job of running the club while the Captain and Vice-Captain were both sick at home, drove the club into an early grave with just how punishing a pace she had set for herself.

They won that year's championship. But the club also nearly splintered. It was a good thing Kana was popular in school, and that she broke herself harder than anyone else, because otherwise she'd have turned into a pariah overnight.

But as wise men like to say: a hardworking girl is cute too, right?

"You did not call me cute in front of all our Servants."

"I think I did." Ritsuka sips his coke, a rare surviving vintage from before the Incineration, and looks his sister right in the eye. "I think it's gross that I said it, but I'm not wrong. You probably worked harder than anyone here."

His sister, now finally wearing a hoodie and out in public with her hair loose around her shoulders for the first time ever in Chaldea, shoots back with a dirty look. "I didn't get stepped on by eight dragons, bro. Leonidas did."

"Oh shit is he okay?" Ritsuka goes for another sip, then stops to think. "Wait, hold on, he's Leonidas. How many did he kill?"

"Three. Could've been four, but Euryale stole a kill."

Ritsuka blinks. "Hold on, did you say Euryale? Did you get all the Gorgons to help?"

"Medusa did most of the work, but Stheno and Euryale were there with her." Kana nods and smiles at Okita as the Captain drops by with a plate of fried food, before vanishing to talk to the other Sabers. "I probably gave them a bigger workout than they ever got under you, even when we were in a Singularity."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Kana nods. She picks up a chicken wing and points it at him. "Truth be told, they just needed an outlet. Even Marie was perfectly happy to go out and blow up monsters, and she's probably the best one at adapting to just being here."

"Is that so?"

Kana frowns at Ritsuka. "Do I need to spell it out for you?"

"You kind of already did." Ritsuka sighs and finishes the rest of his coke, then sets it aside where someone will get to refilling it soon enough. "I get it, I haven't been keeping up to date with, well, keeping them up to date. I still think you're blowing it all out of proportion, but I guess we really should have started on developing at least a wider selection of Servants that we can bring into a Singularity."

"...That's not the point, Rits. Honestly, the reason I did this isn't even because I think it's that important. Upgrading them isn't important. We don't need a perfectly optimal roster." Kana bites into her chicken wing. "But we do have a roster."

"Yeah, I know. I really do." Ritsuka sighs as he looks out from the table, at the mosh pit rapidly forming around the Greeks. Apparently, Mashu asked a drunk Leonidas for Pankration lessons. That won't end well. He turns back to his sister. "You know I have problems asking people to do things for me. I feel like a dick when I get someone to handle something that I should have worked on ages ago but just… didn't. And when the people I'm asking are literal historical figures…"

"I'm not saying it isn't awkward, but there is nothing wrong with getting people to do their job. You were Student Council President, Rits. You learned to delegate. You got things done!"

"Honestly I just stared at people until they got to work," he says quietly. "I don't know why you think I'm a very good President. People just got mad at me all the time."

"Right, which is why you got re-elected."

"They voted for me because I'm your brother."

"The first time, maybe. But the second time? C'mon, man, you're not as bad with people as you think you are."

"Kind of like how you're not as bad at managing as you think you are," he counters. Kana frowns, which he takes to be his win. "I know, sis, I know. I'm just working on it. And you're telling me this at a pretty low moment for me, so I'm feeling a little mopey."

"Yeah, can't imagine what mom's going to say when she finds out you broke your own neck. Incidentally, fuck you for yelling at me."

"Sorry for that," Ritsuka says sincerely. "I'm especially sorry that my battlesuit doesn't have cleavage. You sure you didn't tear it?"

"Okay yeah the moment I find a pair of scissors I'm giving you cleavage."

"You could cut all the way to the navel and I still wouldn't have as much as you."

Kana grumpily slaughters a chicken, which Ritsuka takes to be his win. His cup is returned to him, full of coke, and he nods thanks at Blackbeard as he passes by, blaring anime OPs off the speakers on his shoulders. The mosh pit rapidly turns into a rave, which is still nothing compared to the nonsense they got up to on the Golden Hind. "Thanks, by the way."

Kana looks up with a skeptical frown, holding a second chicken wing on her fingertips. "For what, doing all the work for you?"

"For showing them I'm trying. You know I'm bad at showing people I care."

"That's because you don't care."

"I mean, yeah, but I pretend to." He leans close, and clasps a hand around Kana's shoulder. "Thanks for the support, sis."

Kana looks at him. Hair down and still a little wild and moist, in a hoodie and slacks with oil stains on her cheeks, she looks oddly vulnerable, a rare moment for her. "You're welcome. Bro."

They sit together in silence for the next few minutes, Ritsuka drinking his coke, Kana eating her wings.

"Aha, there you two are!" Their Aunt Arturia arrives to break the awkward tension not a moment too soon, balancing plates of food on her hands - and one on her head? She must have really liked that documentary on India. "Ritsuka, you shouldn't be drinking soft drinks without at least a little food in you! Here, I brought meat, help yourself to it! And you, Kana, you should have some more!"

"I have no idea what I'd do without her," Ritsuka whispers, as Saber pushes a massive turkey leg into his hands.

"You also have no idea what you'd do with her," Kana whispers back.

"Just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right."

"Oho, quoting your father now, are we?" Aunt Saber sits down with them and sets down her plates by their sides, before sitting between the twins. "You know, since we have a rare moment together, I believe I have a story for the two of you."

"Oh?" Kana perks up despite her fatigue. "What kind of story? Is it a dad story? Are you finally telling us about the Fifth War?"

"Overdue in my opinion, we're literally fighting in the greatest Grail Conflict in the world right now."

Saber shakes her head with a smile and a twinkle in her eye. "Alas, no, that is not my story to tell. But I will tell you of a Grail War, and one I believe the two of you will find just as interesting."

Ritsuka frowns. Their parents have been involved in a few subcategory Grail Wars, during 'business trips' like that would actually fool him, but their Auntie Arturia has always stayed home to watch them. In fact, thinking about it, she's only been involved in three Grail Wars. One is still off-limits, the other one she just refused to tell, which leaves…

His aunt catches his eye, and smiles. "Our tale begins upon a snowy mountain, within one of the castles of Germany…"

Chapter Sixteen - End

"...And that is why I believe it is a good thing that your father is adopted."

Ritsuka and Kana blink together. "Wow," Ritsuka says. "You must really hate grandpa."

"Hate?" Arturia looks back with an uncomfortably cold expression. "I do not hate, Ritsuka. Hate is a poison that destroys from within. Hate is unproductive. Hate means that he wins. I pity your grandfather." She takes a deep breath. "And I believe that he does, too."

Ritsuka nods in commiseration. It explains a lot about why mom and dad never talk much about grandpa. "Whatever happened to their daughter, though? I guess she'd be our Aunt…"

To this, Saber shrugs. "It might be better not to consider, I'm afraid. Perhaps if Shirou and Rin had been able to ally themselves with the Einzbern Master, I might have been able to ask of Irisviel's daughter. Beyond that, however, we can only speculate."

"What if she was the Einzbern Master?" Kana asks.

"...Unlikely. She would have grown to be a young woman by then. The Einzbern Master, Ilya, was a little girl, barely ten years old."

"I mean, are you sure? Maybe she didn't get to age because she's half-Homunculus!"

Arturia frowns at her. Kana looks back with big innocent eyes. "Someday, Kana, people will be asking you the difficult questions," she says with a sigh. "And when that day comes, I hope I will be there for you to turn to."