.hack/EVA: Catharsis: Well of Mimir
Disclaimer: In this universe in the quantum foam, I do not own or in any way shape or form hold a claim to the .hack series or Neon Genesis Evangelion (or of course, any other copyrighted works I might reference here).
" " denotes speech
'italics' denotes thought
'bold' denotes location names
'bold italics' denotes skill use
Human Instrumentality Committee
Gathered together in the form of numbered obelisks shrouded in darkness, the Committee of Old Men, known to the privileged as SEELE, was most displeased. Never having been victim of the old adage that the best-laid plans of mice and men would often go awry (mostly due to their uncanny ability to deceive the rest of the world, manipulating the human population to serve their ends), they tended to attribute deviations from their plans to the malice of their underlings.
Of course, when one had underlings like Gendo Ikari and Ryoji Kaji (not to mention Tabris, the Angel of Free Will), each of who intended to betray SEELE in the end in pursuit of their own agenda, this was usually justified. Indeed, having to rely on such individuals had tended to render the Committee rather paranoid, seeing plots and intrigues where sometimes, none existed at all (a false positive being far preferable to missing a genuine intriguer—after all, what was the worth of a mortal life when one was already planning on annihilating humanity and making oneself a god?)
Hence their reasoning for the harsh questioning of the Third Child when he last stood before the Committee, since whatever else he was, Shinji Ikari was the spawn of the devious bastard king Gendo as well as the pilot of EVA-01, so the potential was there. And then, he had also been involved in some highly suspicious events, what with the as yet unexplained coma incidents that were suspected to involve hackers of some sort.
Given the prevalence of technology in the world, and that the Pluto's Kiss incident 10 years ago had been caused by a ten-year old (as Chairman Keel knew all too well, effectively being a cyborg, and thus possibly more susceptible to hackers), it was not inconceivable that Ikari might have trained a master hacker of his own to wrest control of the scenario into the hands of his chosen Children.
As the fight against the Angels wore on, and unexpected developments continued to occur, this possibility was beginning to seem more and more likely to the old men, gathered as they were to discuss the recent happenings.
"An S2 organ, which can't be produced in the Eva series…" one of the great monoliths rumbled ponderously. "I never imagined that an Evangelion might ingest one."
"Indeed," another spoke into the darkness. "This occurrence diverges greatly from the scenario we of SEELE developed."
"It cannot be adjusted to easily," yet another concurred, echoing the general atmosphere of discontent permeating the chamber, the blame for which was on—
"Gendo Ikari," the first of the monoliths continued gravely. "I am afraid that we are at fault for giving him NERV."
Wreathed in shadows, Keel Lorenz, the Chairman of the Human Instrumentality Committee added his thoughts to those of his fellow directors.
"Ikari was the only one who could achieve all our goals, even if we do not know his thoughts," the monolith numbered as SEELE-01 replied in a deep sepulchral voice. "But this incident isn't only a question of EVA-01's awakening…"
"That's right," one of the fellow committee members hastened to affirm, lest Keel be credited with seeing beyond the rest of them. While he was indeed their chairman, this did not mean that the other members were any less calculating, or any less vain. "In the last incident, there was serious damage to Unit One and Unit Two. And now, an Angel broke into the Geofront itself…the damage over these last two battles was terrible."
"I can't begin to estimate how much time and money we lost," another monolith muttered, a sentiment shared by the other men as they proceeded to cast blame on yet another direction, namely upon their Agent of dubious loyalties.
"It was because a bell wasn't attached to Ikari's neck."
"A bell was attached but did not ring."
Hearing the general opinion of his fellow Committee, Chairman Keel summed up their concerns with a plan of action.
"A bell which doesn't ring has no meaning," he rumbled slowly, his voice silencing the others in the room. "We'll make it work next time."
NERV HQ, Situation Room
Within the entry plug of Unit-01, nothing remained of the First Child, save for a floating plugsuit with the numbers "00" stenciled upon it. This was at least, what those standing in the main Control Center of NERV were seeing on the viewscreen, a sight that left most of them mute with horror—even Dr. Akagi of course, who already knew the true nature of 400% synchronization. After all, 'twas one thing to know something intellectually, but to see and experience it firsthand was another matter entirely.
Unsurprisingly, Major Katsuragi was the first to break the silence.
"I can't believe it!" the purple-haired Director of Operations half-snapped, eyes wide with shock. Pilots dying in combat, she could deal with…pilots injured, she could deal with. Pilots disappearing for no reason at all…way above her pay grade. "What the hell happened to Rei Ayanami?!"
Nobody much wanted to face the wrath of Misato, but her old friend Ritsuko Akagi knew well that the longer one delayed, the angrier she became, so perhaps it would be wise to give her something of an answer now, before things got worse.
'The absorption of the First Child into EVA-01 was most unexpected, to say the least, as was the Unit going into berserk mode without any provocation. In fact, this entire incident was fraught with abnormalities, as her pre-berserker sync ratio exceeded even the Third Child's, which has never happened before. It's as if she is awakening into her Angelic nature, loosing the restraints we placed upon her…'
"She has been taken into Eva-01," Dr. Akagi responded simply, a response that only prompted more confusion, for the most part. "
"What do you mean taken into Eva-01?" Misato demanded, about as angry as she was shocked, due to the fact that her "best friend" was holding out on her, as she had on a number of other things in the past (like the existence of Lilith in Terminal Dogma). "Just what is Eva?!"
"That which was created by man in the image of man," the bottle blond replied, as enigmatically as Siarl could be sometimes. "I can't say it in any other way."
To which Misato nearly laughed in her "friend's" face (though being a competent officer, she knew better than to do that), knowing of how EVA was a copy of Adam, the giant of light she had seen many years ago on her father's doomed expedition.
"Created by humans?" the Director of Operations voiced incredulously. "What do you mean, created? You only copied what you found in Antarctica back then."
"It isn't just a copy, as a human will is within it," the Doctor clarified, causing her friend to fall silent in thought.
"Do you mean that this is because of someone's will?"
"Or EVA's," the bottle blond said after a moment's consideration. "Remember, Unit One has moved on its own several times now. Even if the S2 organ is currently inactive."
Maya simply stood by, watching the old friends trade barbs and questions, while holding something else in mind.
'When at last someone returns from the core of Unit-01, in what form will she come?'
NERV Medical
"So Rei woke up,"Shinji murmured, eyes lighting up for the first time since the Thirteenth Angel debacle. Then the rest of Misato's words sank in, causing him to shoot up in his hospital bed—to the accompaniment of white-hot pain exploding in his head. Apparently, he had not yet recovered from his ordeal against the rogue EVA, and the cruel mix of news had done nothing to help, instead inducing a cruel emotional whiplash that left him reeling. "Wait…Touji's dead? And EVA-01 did WHAT?!"
If one were to judge by skin tone alone (as well as a few…coincidentally similar features), one might well have confused him for the lost First Child, so pale was he. Rei had awakened from her coma…only to be lost again? No, it couldn't be possible, it just couldn't…this was a dream, right? A very, very bad…
"Rei was absorbed into EVA-01 during the Angel battle," his guardian repeated gently, with the purple-haired woman stepping forward to comfort him, just as the intercom sounded, a mechanical voice issuing from the speaker above.
"Major Katsuragi, please report to the Control Center," came a voice he could not quite place. "Major Katsuragi, please report to the Control Center. You are required for a conference with Dr. Akagi."
The Director of Operations sighed, torn between her desire to stay with her ward and comfort him, and her need to attend to her duty, as her old friend, the Director of Project E, had spoken of a possible way to retrieve the First from her captivity in EVA. Making up her mind, she gave Shinji something of an apologetic glance before leaving, her footsteps echoing in the hallways as she walked away, with the Third Child left alone with his thoughts.
'But how…how could a person be absorbed by EVA? I know EVA might not just a robot, since I can feel the pain it feels, but how could someone just disappear like that? This isn't The World, where someone can just be deleted by data drain…'
Almost involuntarily, the Third Child glanced down at his right arm, where his character Skari would have worn a certain Twilight Bracelet, the very power that had at once freed Asuka from the infection of AIDA—and had sent the redhead into a coma from which she had not recovered. Yet, as much as the brown-haired boy thought that he should feel guilty about failing to save her from herself—that what he had done was no better than her actions—he found that deep down, he didn't agree, as he had merely done what needed to be done to protect everyone else.
'But I couldn't protect everyone…not even now, having chosen to pilot EVA—I couldn't stop Hikari from being hurt, couldn't do anything to help Touji, couldn't wake up to pilot EVA-01 this last time,' he thought to himself, recalling the reason he had piloted EVA the first time. 'Back then, I didn't care about father, the world, anything…I just didn't want to see Ayanami have to get hurt because of me, since I was nothing. "Rei", she might have been and may be, but I was the empty one, without even a purpose…'
"…who the hell do I think I am?" the young boy asked of the aether, as if it could answer him. "Nobody, that's who…"
A spasm of coughing interrupted the lad from his reverie, with the Third Child turning to the occupant of the bed beside him to find that Hikari Horaki had woken up, looking for all-the-world like (on top of her body being wracked with pain) that she was suffering from a world-class hangover, an expression that drew a ghost of a smile to his lips.
'I never thought I'd see anyone besides Misato look so in need of a drink…even if I know Hikari doesn't really want one right now…'
"Don't," the pigtailed girl croaked, looking into his eyes. "I wouldn't have made it this far without you. So what am I to do if you start doubting yourself?"
"But I failed…Touji died, Rei disappeared, and I…I'm—"
Another bout of coughing and shaking kept him from finishing, with the boy looking on in concern as the Fifth Child's form stilled once again. When she spoke again, it was in a whisper.
"If I know Rei, part of the reason she fought was to protect you, just like you wanted to protect her," Hikari chided the brown-haired boy, wincing with each movement. "Besides, if she had to be lost to anything, at least it was to EVA-01, the one known for making miracles happen. Do the impossible …isn't that what berserker mode is? So why don't you try believing in her for a change, instead of carrying the world on your shoulders? Really…who the hell do you think you are?"
Inner World, EVA-01
She wandered barefoot through a vast inverted mirror world, a place strewn with the wreckage of memories lost in time, where the thoughts and wills of pilot and EVA blended to form a place much like Net Slum or the Creator's room. It was a barren, white expanse of possibilities, with fragments of thought and reflections of the outside floating in the void, incomplete reminisces of what it was like to be, fractional simulacra of others' selves within one's head.
'This place…must be different for each person who experiences it,' Zefie mused, as the saffron-haired girl meandered around bits of debris left here or there, images flickering in and out of existence, memories one was unwilling to let go of. 'Like the Balbol Museum, the Lost Ground at Σ Hidden Forbidden Exhibition that like the Creator's Room has all the knowledge of The World, simply filtered through each individual's unconscious yearnings.'
Journeying inside of EVA was in some ways similar to that, the Child of Aura suspected, only it was a much more literal entry into the world of the mind, a privileged and protected space where one might stay for a very long time.
'I wonder if this is what it was for Tsukasa, when grandmother data drained him and erased his memory, when he fled into the depths of The World seeking refuge from the dangers outside, as if it were a mother's womb. The shadowed one coming in contact with her animus, learning to accept herself for who and what she was.'
In the end, it had taken the young wavemaster's acceptance of self (both the self online and off) to wake Aura from her fitful sleep, animus, persona and shadow joining into a coherent whole, a version of Tsukasa who would not run away anymore, but had returned to the proper world.
'EVA is not the same, as it is the personification of humanity's unconscious, that which has been rejected, that which is not understood. And yet there is a soul within it, giving meaning to the space, a soul so long asleep until now.'
Tap-tap-tap was the sound of her footsteps echoing through the vast expanse, as Zefie walked on from the outskirts towards the inner core, passing the dust and echoes of her past.
'From the border of my mind, I must journey forward unto EVA's…'
The human mind is ever an unstable thing, with the unconscious far more mutable by the second than the mask one normally wears. A shadowy, shifty thing whose shape could never quite be pinned down, the unconscious lurks at the edges of perception, providing a filter through which the world is seen, one that most do not realize is even there. Hopes, fears, dreams, nightmares…in some sense, belief in them made them more or less real to the mind of the perceiver, making a journey into the abyss a rather dangerous thing.
This, Zefie was discovering firsthand, as she trudged on through the nine worlds she had discovered inside the core of EVA, each based on half-remembered glimpses of the past and present, populated with approximations of people either Yui or Shinji had known in different phases of their lives. Most of the time, they let her pass without question, trapped in their own loops of fragmented memory, replaying scenes and situations over and over in a vast complex set of parallel-processing dreams.
Others, aware enough to notice the saffron-haired girl, stopped her, their appearances shifting into the forms of Morganna, Lycoris, and Aura as they stood before her, barring her path, each with a question or two to ask.
"Who are you?" the Morganna look-alike asked of the Child of Dawn, a being born of darkness questioning the wanderer as to identity.
"What do you want?" the phantom Aura inquired in turn, seeking what shadows there were within the young one who had dared to enter this protected space—nay, to force a connection with the core.
Identity and desire: the two foundational pillars of the post Impact world, the two things that most humans most still hung onto in their everyday lives. In the aftermath of destruction, as the population dwindled, humanity as a whole had gone into a sort of shell-shocked stasis, in most sectors striving only to maintain the status quo.
Zefie tilted her head and blinked once as she considered these questions and the reach of the great mind who had asked these, before finding what she thought an adequate response.
"I am the wind, gentle but fierce, a Child of the morning breeze," the saffron-haired girl murmured to the trio. "I am a seeker of the End and the rebirth to come, when the sleeper doth awaken. I am a wanderer on the path to liminality, drifting on the sea."
Seemingly satisfied, the two greater shadows stepped back, while the shadow of Lycoris stepped forward with questions of her own:
"Why are you here?" the red-clad figure asked, golden eyes almost seeming to glow in the ambient light of the expanse as she looked upon her successor (of a sort). "And where are you going?"
The first test passed, the mind of Yui Ikari had apparently decided to test the unfamiliar one with questions that spoke of purpose and destination, question to which many had no answer in the turbulent world, where survival itself was uncertain. In this expanse, conversing mind to mind, lying was not a possibility, though evasion was, after a fashion.
"I seek the mother longing for a son, the shadowed one bound in shadow, that we may speak, anima to anima," the girl replied, meeting her counterpart eye to eye. "As for where I am going, only the road of poignant memories knows in the end, as we are but mayflies in the great expanse of time. But I ask you this, shadows of the one anchored to this place: Do you have anything worth living for?"
Like one of the Greek choruses of old, the three goddess lookalikes turned to one another and then away, sharing a glance as they considered question and answer, query and response in the ancient game of information.
"This one is most perceptive," quipped the Shadow of Morganna, seeming vaguely amused.
"Answering everything and yet nothing at once," added the Aura doppelganger, face blank and devoid of emotion. "A mind that spins in myriad ways not quite human."
Moments passed, and it was clear that the two had finished speaking. Expectantly, the saffron-haired girl looked at the copy of red-clad Lycoris, wondering what enigmatic statement or observation she would make. But the silver-haired Child of Twilight merely smiled, beckoning the wanderer forward.
"Pass on," she said, as the three mirages dissolved into rings of azure light, returning to the winds upon which they were born.
In the wake of their parting, Zefie wandered on alone for a time as the world itself shifted around her, warping and distorting the space she walked within, showing her yet more Polaroid stories of the past and present, until at last she was brought beneath the canopy of a great tree, where three characters played out a scene from the past, with a certain unshaven scientist sitting with his wife and their infant son, talking quietly.
"It is a pity that this child will live after Second Impact, in this Hell," the scientist spoke, with only a trace of emotion in his voice.
"If he wants to live, anywhere can become a sort of heaven," responded the gentle but stern figure of Yui Ikari, holding a young Shinji lovingly. "Because if he really desires it, one can always find happiness somewhere."
"I see," the man conceded putting an arm around his wife's thin form. "You may be right."
With that, the scene froze, the illusory trio fading to grey as a voice spoke from behind the Child of Dawn.
"So you have come last to my well of memories, traveler from another world," said the mental avatar of Yui Ikari's persona. "You are not my son, and you are not Rei Ayanami, no matter the body you wore to enter here. With the power you wield, you could as well be an Angel, but that is not your nature either…who are you?"
Lifting both eyebrows, Zefie turned about to face the older woman, red-purple eyes gazing into green as two beings of immense power considered each other warily. But as Zefie was a visitor to Yui's domain and not the other way around, the daughter of Aura decided that it would be polite (and only expected) for her to introduce herself first.
"My name is Zefie, child of Twilight, Goddess of The World," the saffron-haired girl said with a deferential curtsey that would likely have shocked most of Shugo's old party. Mind you, she was perfectly capable of being polite…she just didn't feel like it most of the time. "I am a friend to the Bracelet Bearer Skari, the one you know as Shinji Ikari."
"Goddess of the World, is it? I am Yui Ikari, the soul within EVA-01, shadow of Lilith…and I have seen you once or twice within his memory," the lab coat clad figure responded, a playful smile on her face. "I waited a long time for someone to find me, sleeping deep within the core until the stars were right. Thank you for awakening me from my long slumber."
"In this place you have slept for many a year, ever since you were taken years ago," Zefie qualified, blinking as a soft spring breeze picked up about her. "EVA is hungry for emotion, for a presence to fill the empty void where there was once a soul…a copy of the Mother of humanity longing for a child. Appropriate…so is it that you come to be in this place, bonded to a manifestation of anima?"
"Everything happens as it must, spurred on by the past," Yui Ikari shrugged, gesturing to the tree, the world of dreams, and too, to the outside world. "Actions have consequences, and only with a sacrifice of one's will can a miracle unfold. Thus, I took part in the contact experiment, as it was my will to join with EVA-01. As part of the shadow of Lilith, I might live on as its soul to stop the scenario of SEELE, ensuring a bright future for Shinji and humanity."
"Choosing to sacrifice your individuality to become a bound god, then giving up godhood to give your son control of cause and effect," Zefie restated, her lips curling upwards ever so slightly at the thought of another mother she knew far better. "Much like my mother did in The World, giving to those who dwell within the world the power to choose their destiny."
"Much like Lilith, whose Children ate of the Fruit of Knowledge and were thus free," Yui responded with something of a smile. "While I could leave EVA, I cannot, as I am required here to thwart the role of fate, to stop their key of world's twilight from turning in its lock."
There was silence for a time, as words drifted around those avatars of two different world, avatars who in the end desired similar things.
"Fate I find is an interesting script," Zefie mused aloud, "one written in such a way that it will always seek fulfillment in the end, regardless of one's choices."
"But what one does before that may change the outcome," the soul of Yui Ikari stated with gentle eyes. "Altering what will come when end has passed, and the shadows of rebirth play out upon the land. Perhaps a Third Impact may come or it may not, as written in the scrolls, but I can play my part to keep its power from SEELE. It is painful as a human to be separated—"
"But necessary for what you seek to do," murmured Zefie, understanding the impulse behind the older woman's decision. "So selfish, and yet, so selfless."
"That is the way of things, one hurt to prevent another," the mental avatar spoke one last time, her form beginning to vanish into motes of light. "I have now answered the questions that I asked of you, an equivalent exchange for your journey, Zefie of the Winds. So knowing this, what will you do, Goddess of the World?"
"A thousand questions linger on my tongue for the hidden architect of scenarios," the Child of Dawn spoke cryptically, "as in the end I find I hate to leave, but cannot stay behind. The Wave looms, with the fallen one of free will Tabris to emerge, and I must counter as I may. Some say that meeting people is God's doing, but parting is what humans do themselves…but I must disagree, for we, as more than human have chosen otherwise in our time. I look forward to the day when you can join us in the world of shadowed ones, when your task is over."
With those last words, Zefie turned to go, only for the world around her to thrum with a few last words.
"Take care of my son, dear Child of Twilight, for you know he dearly loves you more than himself…"
But the saffron-haired girl only shook her head and sighed as she walked on, out of sight.
"That we are connected by free will and fate I cannot deny, but as for his love, tis not for me," Zefie murmured as she vanished. "As Skari loves the girl I used to be…"
'Now, I just have to figure out how to recreate that blue-haired girl's body when I go, or else those old farts at NERV are going to go into a frenzy, and the game with Siarl will be up before it is begun. And just as Skari's mother cannot the Committee's plans abide, neither will I the plans of the Angel of Free Will.'