Chapter 28: Fool's Errand I: It's a Wrap!

AN: Here it is, these two chapters plus the one after will probably be the largest comedy segments in this fic (and it definitely will be if you include the previous two chapters with them). Why am I spoiling you all with so much humor and so little action? Well, my dear readers, I don't think Rooster Teeth is hitting you guys enough with the feels. Once we start back into a serious section, we're (mostly) staying serious until the end of Volume 1. Enjoy your humor while you have it. Insert evil laughter, hand wringing, and mustache twirling here. Suffice to say, all will be revealed in time.

Alright, now with vague and ominous warnings out of the way, it's April Fool's Day at Beacon. Yang's a well-known prankster, Ruby grew up with Yang, and Weiss can hold a grudge. Nora's a pretty big prankster too, and for the other three… it's the quiet ones you have to watch out the most for. Who will survive? Do things get taken too far? Does the staff approve of, or even join in, the festivities? All that and more, in this exciting two-part episode of Team Rookie!

(Perspective: K)

The night's slumber was long and restful, as it needed to be; those bruises weren't going away on their own, after all. Kassidy sat up, groaned, and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, all while keeping her back to the sunlight. Wait, sunlight? Ugh, not again. She reached over to the nightstand for her earpiece, but a hand shot out and caught her wrist.

"Going so soon? You only just got up." Of course it'd be Yang. Who else?

"Just got up? When was the last time I got up after sunrise? Time's a-wastin'." Swinging her legs over the bed, Kassidy added, "What time is it, anyway?"

"Eight thirty."

"WHAT?!" Did I seriously just sleep for ten hours? Not cool! Kassidy tried to get up, but Yang leapt off her bunk and shoved her back on the mattress.

Ruby leaned over the side of her bunk and looked at the two blondes. "Well, you're always working so hard. Why not take the day off? Get some rest?"

"Because I have work to do!"

"As much as I usually agree with that line of thought, I've seen you finish your work. You won't be getting away from us that easy." Weiss stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in a not-stained jacket and dress. The sinister grin plastered on her face made it obvious what was going on here.

"Ugh, see, Rubes? This is why I said we needed to leave Ice Queen out of it. She's so bad at this pranking business. Already gave up the game." While Weiss scoffed, Yang reached for something on her bunk. "Still, I agree with our dear leader," she said with words so sweet it'd make one's teeth rot. "You definitely need more rest. And I'm going to make sure you get that rest."

Kassidy sighed. "Look, if you're going to threaten me, at least get out of your pajamas and into your day clothes. Or at least let me do that. And besides, I've already gotten ten hours of rest so far. That's two days' worth of sleep for me."

"Wow, someone's grumpy this morning. You definitely need more rest. Come on, where is it? There." Yang looked back to Weiss and Ruby, who were both snickering and gave a thumbs up. A glyph formed on the doorknob, which Kassidy found confusing. "Now, are you going to stay in bed and cheer up? Or am I going to have to make you stay there for the morning?"

Oh boy, here we go. "How, exactly, would you plan on making me stay here for the morning?"

The only warning Kassidy had was a roll of duct tape being opened, and an exclaimed, "Like this!" Then Yang pounced.

The Great Tape War of Beacon lasted for two minutes and seventeen seconds. Surely, as the two blondes wrestled, their epic struggle would be recorded in the annals of history by the world's greatest bards and playwrights. Songs would be written about Kassidy's valiant struggles against the physically superior blonde, and in fact the smaller of the two was able to pull out some tricks of her own Yang quite simply wasn't prepared for.

Regardless, all great things must come to an end, and eventually the two partners collapsed on the mattress in a heap. Contrary to Yang's intention, they had both managed to get entangled in the adhesive fabric, and were quite thoroughly stuck together. Kassidy, meanwhile, was similarly displeased with how things turned out. Attacked by my own partner! And now there's this! This is gonna be real fun to get out of. She tried slapping Yang, but only managed to flap her wrist around a bit somewhere off to the side. Kassidy settled for growling at her partner, "I hope you realize this is all your fault."

Meanwhile, Ruby was collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard that her face was as red as the cloak still folded on her dresser. Weiss had taken a seat on her bed, brushing her hair and watching the struggle unfold with no small amount of satisfaction. The heiress quite mirthfully stated, "This was an even better idea than I gave it credit for. Now we don't have to deal with Yang either for the day." The two smaller girls of the team shared a high-five, before Ruby started getting her day clothes together.

After a bit of struggling, Yang gave up for a moment. "Hey Rubes, can you help me out here? I'm a bit tied up at the moment." She bit back a smirk as Kassidy tried (and failed) to slap her again.

Weiss groaned, "Not again. Ruby, if you don't shut your sister up, I will."

"Oh, don't be such a spoilsport, Weissy. Come on, help me wrap things up here! You know – ah!" Yang tried to make another pun, but a blur of red and a tearing sound heralded the arrival of a silver strip of cloth covering her mouth. Her eyes flashed red momentarily, and she began her struggles anew.

"Ugh, thanks for that, Ruby. That's one way to get her to stop with the puns, I guess. Mind helping me out here?" Kassidy decided appealing to their desire to not deal with Yang would be the best way out.

"Hmm… nope!"

"Nope?"

"Nope! You need your rest." With that, Ruby skipped to the bathroom to change, while Weiss continued to brush her hair while smirking evilly at the two blondes across the room. Kassidy tried to focus, but Yang's wild thrashing did a pretty good job of making it hard to concentrate on keeping a train of thought going.

Eventually, Ruby came out fully dressed in workout gear, Weiss was finally finished with her hair, and the two were about to leave the room for their day to day activities. Kassidy decided to engage in one last plea for help. "C'mon guys! You're really gonna leave me here like this? I've got stuff to do!"

They both stopped, turned, and seemed to be in deep thought. Ruby said, "Have fun, you two! Don't worry, we'll be sure to bring back some food for you after a bit."

"Now hang on, Ruby, she does have a point." At Weiss' statement, Kassidy visibly relaxed a bit, Yang flashed the heiress a glare (or, tried to, seeing as she couldn't twist her head around fully), and Ruby turned around with a quizzical expression. "Is it really a good idea to leave Kassidy fully capable of ordering around a supercomputer with a history of hijacking androids to do her bidding?"

"Hey, now! That was only the one time! And she didn't order me to do it, either!" Bob squawked from his perch on Kassidy's desk. "Still, you raise a valid point. The instant you two leave, she's just going to have me bust her out."

"Whose side are you on, anyway?" Sighing, Kassidy decided to go for the obvious route now that the cat was out of the bag. "Bob, I or – oof!" Another blur of red, another tearing sound, and Kassidy found she couldn't talk anymore.

"I'm sorry, you what now? I couldn't get that." Did he just…? No, no way. I'm pretty sure Bob doing that just violated multiple protocols of his. That definitely didn't just happen. Ruby giggled, shared another high-five with Weiss, and the two left the dorm.

Kassidy glared at Yang, trying to communicate through her eyes just how much trouble the larger blonde was in whenever they got free. It looked like Yang couldn't decide whether to glare back, or wear a more amused expression. Both girls quickly started their struggles against the tape again, but stopped when Bob spoke back up.

"Well, since you haven't finished your previous statement, I guess I need to figure out what to do. If you'll excuse me, I have some simulations to run, but in the meantime it would be rather rude of me to just leave the two of you there with no entertainment. Let me see… ah, there it is. Here's some music for you to enjoy."

The sounds that came out of the black box made Kassidy scream into the tape holding her silent. There is no genre of music I despise more than disco. Bob knows that, too! Apparently, Yang wasn't too thrilled about the choice either, as she groaned and tried to bury her ear into the bed. The two blondes resumed their struggles in earnest. Anything, anything to get away from that god-forsaken disco music.

(Perspective: Ruby)

Ruby Rose stepped off the treadmill. Apparently, team RWKY weren't the only ones getting in the spirit of the day. Someone had sabotaged the treadmills, which seemed to change speeds at random. It was enough to drive most students away from a Sunday morning workout, but not the brunette. Sweating through her workout clothes, she grabbed her water bottle, threw her towel over her shoulders, and cleaned up in the gym showers.

After changing into her typical outfit, Ruby was about to leave the building when she saw a new girl walk in. The most prominent feature was her deep purple hair tied in a waist-long ponytail, but other than that she looked suspiciously like… "Pyrrha? Is that you?"

The girl looked up, gave a nervous smile, and waved. "I see your day hasn't been as eventful as mine."

Ruby giggled. "Oh, I don't know about that. Yang and Kassidy sure made this morning interesting."

"I'm sure they did," Pyrrha laughed. "Speaking of which, where are they? Nora and I have been looking for them all morning."

"Oh, they're getting some quality time together. Need to keep camaraderie up, you know?"

"That I do. In that case, the four of us are about to get some lunch. Would you mind joining us?"

"That sounds great! Ooh, let me get Weiss!" Ruby dug her Scroll out, fumbled it, and dialed Weiss' number. "Hey, Weiss. Wait, you're still practicing? Oh, you just finished. Okay, great timing! Listen, JNPR's headed to lunch, and I figured it'd be a great time to hang with friends if we joined them. Alright, I'll let Pyrrha know." Hanging up, Ruby turned back to Pyrrha. "She just needs to shower first, then she'll be on her way."

A short while later found Ruby, Weiss, Jaune, and Pyrrha leaving the line at the cafeteria and headed to their usual table. Ren and Nora were both already seated, munching on BLT's. Oddly, Nora had baby blue hair, and seemed to be quite aggressive in consuming her sandwich. As they all sat down, a very prominent farting noise could be heard. All eyes were on Weiss, blushing like mad and standing up from a whoopee cushion that somehow escaped everyone's notice. Everyone but Weiss busted up laughing at the scenario, before the heiress disgustingly picked it up by a corner and tossed it a good ways away.

"So, what are Kassidy and Yang up to today?" Nora had a darker tone to her voice, and she glowered at Ruby.

It was Weiss to the rescue, however. "Oh, nothing much. We just made sure they got some team bonding time in. Important to be in good accord with one's partner, is it not? And I'm sure they both appreciate the rest."

"Yeah, um, about that." Ruby was quite nervous in her question. "Do you think maybe we took it a little too far?"

"Of course not," Weiss snapped. "Kassidy ruined my favorite outfit. And Yang would be a complete nightmare today. Really, it's the best for everyone involved."

"Would you happen to know where they are, by chance?" Nora seemed to be not quite herself when asking that question.

"Actually, I do." Ruby fiddled with her cape. "Um, why do you ask?"

"Well, let's see." Nora was getting more energetic, and this wasn't the energy she got from talking about pancakes and sloths; more like the energy she got from wanting to break Cardin's legs. "My syrup was spiked with vinegar again whenever we had pancakes this morning, mine and Pyrrha's shampoo had hair dye mixed in it, and someone messed with Ren's Scroll so that it'd mess with his meditations. Really, who else other than Kassidy and Yang would do it?"

"Ooooh." Ruby stuck her tongue out in thought. "They would've had to have done it last night, though. They've been… pretty busy all morning."

"That's even worse!" Nora leapt up from the table. "Where are they? WHERE ARE THEY?"

"Easy, Nora!" Pyrrha stood up also and planted a firm hand on her shoulder. "We'll find them after we're all done with lunch. Right?"

"What if they leave before we're done, though?" Nora was half asking, half whining in her usual manner.

Weiss typed on her Scroll a bit, then nodded and looked up. "Bob said they're both still where we left them. And not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Sounds great. How about we finish up lunch, then the six of us can go visit?" Jaune pulled out his Scroll and started playing a videogame. Ruby and Weiss exchanged apprehensive glances.

"Is there something you want to tell us?" Ren was eyeing them suspiciously.

"Uh – "

"No, there isn't." Weiss clamped a hand over Ruby's mouth. Ren and Pyrrha exchanged looks, before Jaune screamed like a girl and threw his Scroll across the table. Ruby wondered what the problem was, before she saw a scary face across the screen. Between that and the horrifying screech that sounded just before Jaune screamed, the events that had happened were obvious.

"I – I don't understand. I've had that game for months, and it's never done that."

"More of Kassidy's doings? She does have a way with electronics." Everyone looked at Ren, confused and surprised that he'd make such an accusation.

"Well, what are we waiting for? We're all done eating, and those two blondies have a lot to answer for." Nora leapt up, with Ren and Pyrrha right behind her (probably to keep her in check).

Ruby and Weiss shared a look, and the heiress nodded at her. "R-right. Uh, they're in our dorm. Let's go." As one, the six teens made their way across the campus. After several minutes of walking, they rounded the corner into their hallway. Curiously, Professors Goodwitch and Ozpin were standing in front of RWKY's dorm. Also curiously, Ozpin's spectacles had the addition of a comical false nose and mustache.

"Ah, children, maybe you'd be able to answer a few questions for me." Despite the humorous additions to his visage, Ozpin remained entirely serious. "There's been multiple breaches of the CCT Network's security systems leading to various machinery, including treadmills, several students' Scrolls, and mine and Glynda's desks. Naturally, Kassidy's computer is the most likely culprit, so I was about to ask what the matter was. However, perhaps you six have some knowledge on the situation?"

"Um, um um um, no sir," Ruby stammered. "I mean, the treadmills were all funny when I was getting my workout in, and Jaune's and Ren's Scrolls have apparently been acting weirdly. But you're thinking Bob did this?"

"Yes, we do." Glynda looked at the group. "Are you alright, Miss Schnee? You're looking rather contemplative."

Weiss paled slightly at getting caught, but quickly answered, "Actually, I was. I thought that maybe Kassidy and Yang had made yet another mess, and it would be wise to step in ourselves before you all entered." Ruby gaped at her, but Weiss continued. "However, I do believe it'd be worth the risk."

"Alright, you heard the lady. Open up the door. Those two have a lot to answer for. And I have some legs to break." Brandishing Magnhild, Nora stood in front of the door menacingly.

"Now, now. Perhaps they have a legitimate explanation for today's events." Ozpin chuckled to himself, before using his own Scroll to unlock the door. In hindsight, it shouldn't really surprise Ruby that the professors could unlock the dorm room doors themselves. The headmaster opened the door.

(Perspective: K)

Alright, just what has gotten into Bob? First off, I absolutely did not pack disco music in my hard drives, so he's definitely going around collecting Remnant music. And he's been doing that for the past three hours!

Kassidy's though process ended there, as Yang inadvertently head-butted her. Glaring at the other blonde, she was only reminded of their situation. Whatever kind of tape Yang had gotten was clearly too strong. She made a mental note to ask later so she can shove a roll into her backpack. Hey, you never know when a roll of duct tape would come in handy. The two were drenched in sweat, and the sheets were smelly and sticky at this point. Not like I'm going to complain about as mild an inconvenience as that, but still. Yang's taking care of this load of laundry.

The blonde being held fast mere inches from her was similarly displeased with the situation. Yang obviously hated disco as much as Kassidy did, and she had fought against the tape until she was exhausted. And still, every now and then Yang would shoot a glare her way, as if it were her fault that she refused to just get taped to her bed like nothing was going on. Oddly, a prominent blush has been on Yang's face since the whole thing started. Kassidy ruled out overheating, which left… well, a whole lot, probably. Bob's the guy with the physiology database.

Suddenly, the lock to the dorm clicked, and the door opened slowly. Two pairs of eyes snapped to the sound; lilac filled with fear and trepidation, and hazel with annoyance and impatience. What neither of them were expecting, however, was a small party to try and cram itself into their room. The animated argument the eight were having quickly died down as they stared at the picture before them: two blondes in Kassidy's bed, taped together, drenched in sweat, clothed in their pajamas and tangled in the sheets as well as each other.

Seven of the eight instantly developed gigantic blushes, while Ozpin sipped from his mug with amusement. Glynda was the only one able to form words. "What on Remnant has gotten into you two?" Yang's eyes bugged out, while Kassidy settled for rolling hers while mumbling into the tape to emphasize her inability to speak. The deputy headmistress stormed over and removed the offending fabric and repeated her question.

Taking a few breaths, Kassidy glared at Yang as she spoke. "SOMEONE thought it would be a good idea if, and I quote, 'I got more rest to cheer up'. Then my own damn partner attacked me!"

"And?"

"And, what? I defended myself, obviously! Might've done it successfully too, if Yang wasn't twice my size."

Glynda sighed, before looking Yang in the eye. "Is this true?" Yang meekly nodded her head, before trying to bury her face into the mattress out of embarrassment. With an even more pronounced sigh, Glynda waved her stick and 'magically' removed their binds. Kassidy celebrated by literally and forcefully kicking Yang out of her bed, before stretching her limbs.

"Hey, what the hell was that for?" Yang shot up, eyes flashing red.

"I should be asking you that! Thanks to you being… whatever the hell that was this morning, I missed breakfast, I missed the opportunity for my morning workout, I missed the opportunity to make more ammo, and I missed the opportunity to catch up on my studies!"

"Why are you so damn pissy all the time? I thought you more than Ruby or Weiss would get a good prank!"

"That wasn't a prank, that was – "

A cane being forcefully slammed into the ground brought the argument to a screeching halt. "While I'm sure you two still have some issues to work out, I'm afraid that I have some issues of my own to resolve. Such as a computer breaching our cybersecurity and tampering with numerous devices at Beacon Academy."

Kassidy held her hands up in mock surrender. "Hey, don't look at me, you just saw where I spent the entirety of my morning. Unless…" Her jawline hardened, and she looked at her desk to the black box that had finally turned off that god-awful music. "Bob?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have anything you would like to say?"

"I plead the third."

Kassidy blinked. "Don't you mean the fifth?"

"No, I mean the third."

"You refuse to quarter troops in your house?"

"I have few principles, but I stick to them."

"Well, then. I do believe we've found our culprit." Ozpin had an amused look behind his mug as Glynda facepalmed. "In that case, I bid you good day and happy April Fool's." The two professors walked out, leaving the eight teenagers there. Kassidy looked at the clock. 11:45 AM. Not even noon. I still have half a day to go. Could this possibly get any worse? Her face went blank and pale at that thought. Wow, look at me tempt fate yet again. Yup, I'm definitely screwed.

AN 2: Well, that was a thing. Don't worry if you didn't get your fill of pranks this time around. This is a two-parter, after all.

Also, I am confirming here and now that there are 13 chapters remaining in Volume 1. The second part of the April Fool's arc, one chapter afterwards, and two serious arcs of four chapters each, with two chapters of filler between them, rounding out with an epilogue. After that… I'm kinda tempted to take a small break to write a couple chapters of another story. What can I say? I have an active imagination. So, what do you guys think? Once I'm finished with Volume 1 material, should I bother with throwing up a couple chapters for a second story?

And to finish things off, here are Reader Responses.

Iron-ninja: Screwed indeed. Which, obviously, means that it's time for Kassidy to take her revenge.

Guest: Believe me, I was incredibly tempted to put something similar to that in this chapter, but decided against it. Once we're out of these next two chapters, I'm not letting off of being serious for a good month or so. Figured you guys would like a little more humor/light-heartedness before that happens.

James: No guarantees that I'll be able to keep the chapters this long, but for the time being this should satisfy your craving for longer chapters.