Escape From Manderley
A cool ocean breeze blew through the open balcony door, the wisps of white curtains floating in the wind. It was early, much too early. Enough that the moon still clung to the night skies threatening to dip below the edge of the ocean in just an hour's time. It must have been the cooler air that made her shiver, she thought because her mind refused to accept anything else until her skin felt the warm, male body surrounding hers.
She lay against his chest, her head just over his heart where the rhythmic beating compiled with sheer exhaustion had lulled her to sleep so many hours ago. One of his hands covered hers, his other arm wrapped around her waist in an almost possessive fashion. There were no covers over them, no blankets because that evening they'd generated enough heat to make the World around them self combust just by the consummation of their longing.
What should have been the happiest moment of her life was surrounded by fear, guilt and shame. What had she done? Why had she pushed him until there was no turning back?
A day earlier they went in search of her deceased boyfriend, a spy by trade that had brought her enough misery to last a lifetime. His ludicrous assignment had left her in the crosshairs of a renown assassin and for the umpteenth time she nearly paid the ultimate price for his lies. This was the final straw, she decided with a crack to the side of his face that she hoped to hurt him as much as it hurt her. He begged, pleaded and cajoled but at the end of the day, Sarah MacKenzie was through.
By her side she had the one good thing still left in the shambles of her life - her partner, best friend and the only man she had truly ever loved. Really loved, not that fakey whirlwind romance that had led her through so many broken hearts she had officially lost count.
Yes, she loved Harmon Rabb Jr. Was irrefutably in love with him and had been since one morning in the desert when he'd hung from a helicopter to save her life. And he was the one she'd hurt the most, even as she lay in his arms with a body that ached from lovemaking, Mac realized, with immeasurable shame that she'd used him.
That towering wall of a man was angry when he pushed off the sand and hurried down the shore to parts unknown. Mac hadn't realized how long she sat there simply watching the surf, her mind wishing to eradicate every last memory of Clayton Fucking Webb until she could think of him any longer. "Everytime a man shows interest, you're ready."
Harm's words echoed from the past covering her in a shroud she couldn't seem to crawl out of. He was right - Clay was interested and she was too tired, too stupid, too hurt to stop herself from falling into a familiar pattern. She didn't love Clay, not really. Just like she didn't love Chris or Dalton or Mic but she gave herself to each and everyone. Perhaps she really was the tramp her father called her out to be.
Warm tears fell down her cheeks when Harm circled back some time later - she couldn't tell how long it had been because her infamous mental clock decided to shut down. It was all for the best because the last thing Mac needed was to trickle down each second, each minute and hour of her horrendous relationship with Clayton Webb.
Harm might have spoken to her, she wasn't sure other than to feel his strong hand grabbing her bicep and raising her up. For some reason he didn't immediately take her home, instead drove to a hotel just half an hour North.
At some point she found herself inside a large suite with a four poster bed, a seating area and a balcony that looked over the ocean. As she sat on the posh sofa, she found Harm sitting next to her, his expressive eyes conveying a message of concern. She saw his lips move but heard no sound until it suddenly rushed back into her ears as if someone had turned up the volume. "Mac, you're scaring the hell out of me."
"Where are we?"
He breathed a sigh of relief when she spoke because Mac hadn't said a word in over two hours. "A hotel. There was an accident, multiple cars. It made sense to stay here for the night. Are you in pain? Do you need a doctor? Shit, I just should have taken you to the hospital and…"
"No. I'm fine...I think, I think I was in shock." A large hand held hers carefully, running his thumb over her knuckles and squeezing from time to time. "He knew what Tanveer was. The bastard knew...he even took a shot at him with me sitting next to him."
Harm's teeth ground audibly. As if he didn't have enough reasons to hate Webb, he added another point to the list. "You were bait...the son of a bitch used you as bait... I'll kill him." He stood murderous intent quickly made him want to head back to Manderlee and beat the spook until he was just a blood stain on that pretentious Oriental rug.
It was Mac's hand on his wrist that stopped him, her slight tug that had him returning to the spot next to her. "I'll be alright."
"You shouldn't have to be 'alright', Mac….He should have taken better care of you."
"You would have." She said softly, sighing when he pulled her into his arms in a tight embrace. "You would have taken care of me. You would never have let Tanveer close to me."
"Mac...I…"
She wasn't sure when her lips met his only that they kissed in an incredible fashion. It was long and desperate and complete and every barrier between them melted away. It was also wrong, oh so so wrong. Their first time wasn't supposed to be like this - the need for comfort and warmth for a broken woman who had no right to seduce him. And seduce she did because every place she touched made his body light up like a flame.
She kept kissing him because the feel of him made her realize there was something more than the constant misery her life had been thrusted in for the last few years. But it was wrong, she knew it was wrong and had no will power left to deter herself.
Harm might have had the strength to stop if Mac's lips hadn't pressed against his neck down the taut muscle to his collarbone where her tongue swirled to taste him. Harm called her name in warning, letting out a hiss when she touched him through the khaki pants while her other hand nimbly went down the front of his shirt, popping button after button out of their eyelets.
And then there was her scent, that heady combination of arousal and her skin that forced all rational thoughts from his mind. God, how he wanted her - had for too damned long. But, it was wrong, so so wrong to take advantage of her this way but when she lowered the zipper and pulled him out between the flaps of his boxers, Harm's resistance was gone.
He never realized her mouth would feel this good on him, the warm wet silk of her tongue teasing his tip until she had him panting with need. She had taken her clothes off as he recovered, meaning to impale herself on his hard length when Harm stopped her. "No. Not like this."
He sat her on the edge of the bed and she watched as he slowly removed every stitch of clothing until they were completely bared to one another. He came to his knees before her, his hands nudging open her thighs, his mouth finding her center.
She forgot about the last year, the endometriosis, the pain both physical and emotional that had beaten her down to nothing. All she could do was feel the way he parted her, the warmth of his tongue slipping past her folds, finding that bundle of nerves until she found release. It was good. So damned good and when she pulled him up and slid on the bed with him Mac was awed by how gentle he was. His hands still moved over her body, his fingers stroked her sex, keeping her wet for him. "Is this okay?" He asked with a voice so thick with desire she nearly cried. "Are you...are you okay?"
"Yeah. I am. No more pain." And then his finger slipped inside of her, curling instantly, keeping her body humming with desire for him. His lips found hers and his kisses were akin to a drug she never wanted to recover from. Harm's mouth made love to hers, his tongue slipping past the seam of her lips without askance, touching hers, tangling. He caught a moan with his lips and kept his digits moving in and out of her until they were drenched from her slick.
As insane as it was to go further, neither of them had the power to stop. He ached to be inside of her thrusting into her weeping sex so that she'd forget every man that came before him. He would brand her, claim her and once the tip of his length pushed past her entrance, Harm knew Mac would be the one claiming him.
"Oh Mac." Her warmth felt like heaven and for a moment he could not move, only feel as she wrapped around him. She gasped once he seated himself fully and her body shook from another climax though he barely moved.
"Take me." Her command was issued in earnest, her hips came up to meet him and when Harm slid out and pushed into her again any reasons why this was wrong disappeared with the ocean breeze.
They loved one another twice more that evening with the balcony door still open, the cool ocean breeze fanning overheated bodies. He may have tried for a fourth round but Mac had fallen asleep and Harm didn't have the heart to wake her. And so he'd eventually sleep as well with Mac laying atop him.
Mac knew he was awake because the body beneath hers had shifted enough so that he could reach for the comforter and place it over them. The act was sweet and thoughtful especially when he made sure to tuck it around to keep her warm. "Better? His voice was rough from sleep and it was the sexiest thing Mac had ever heard.
"I used you." Mac sighed as that intense feeling of shame made her shiver. "I used you for sex and I can't undo that."
His arm tightened around her, his lips pressed a kiss on the top of her head. She wasn't the only person bothered with how they slept together. "I know what it was….Do you regret it?"
"No I don't and that's what bothers me the most. I wanted you...I've always wanted you. Does that make me a horrible person?"
"It would make me just as horrible for taking advantage of you." His fingers stroked her bare back, feeling the goosebumps raise on her skin with each pass. Mac felt devine, every inch of her begging to be mapped by his wandering hands, something Harm planned to do if they ever did this again. "Your skin is so incredibly soft."
"Mmm...And your hands are a little rough."
That made him stop touching her. "I'm sorry…"
"No, I like it. They feel good on my skin." It was the kind of touch she wanted, the slow, lingering caresses of a man that was honorable, smart, witty. The fact that he was attractive made for a perfect package. "You love me, don't you?"
"Yes."
"And you have for a long time."
"Yeah. Longer than you can imagine."
"I love you too. It's always been you from the moment you saved my life at Red Rock Mesa...I've tried to stop myself from loving you but…"
"It's impossible." He finished for her and pressed another kiss on Mac's head. "I think we should do this again but only after I take you out to an insanely expensive restaurant, shower you with compliments all night, take you dancing...a date."
"I think we're way past dating, flyboy. And I don't need all that."
"Okay, then we have to do this again so I can make you breakfast in bed."
She chuckled at that particular memory. "We can order room service here."
Harm let out an exasperated sigh as he shifted so that they lay side by side. "It's not the same...I want to cook for you. Pancakes. Eggs. Bacon...Bring it to you in bed so that you stay in bed and we can do the making love all day kind of thing."
She let out a breath when his hands slid between her thighs and his head ducked down so that his mouth could latch on to one erect nipple. He teased her over and over, made her beg to feel him inside and once he joined them, Harm hovered above her balancing on his elbows. "I love you, Harm...help me forget."
"Yes." And he did. With every push and pull of their bodies she forgot the past.