Dinner was a rather tedious affair. Mrs. Bennet had gone to a lot of trouble to see that there was an excellent spread, but no one felt like eating very much when they had to listen to Mr. Collins. Only Mary seemed untouched by his tendency to talk only about himself and spent a lot of the meal looking at him with admiration.
"My dear lady. This food is excellent," praised Mr. Collins as he devoured a plate of roast beef and pheasant pie.
Kitty and Lydia looked away in disgust. Mr. Collins had no manners and sprayed pastry crumbs onto the table as he talked.
"We try to do our best. It is not the same as when Mr. Bennet was alive." Mrs. Bennet's eyes filled with tears. "We are now more in straitened circumstances."
"But how well you bear your trials, dear lady," said Mr. Collins with an insincere smile.
"I do try," said Mrs. Bennet, dabbing delicately at her eyes. "It isn't easy."
"It never is, dear lady. As an example of how to behave in widowhood you should look no further than Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She lost her husband some years ago and has borne her grief so very well, I cannot fault her. Although she misses him, it is sometimes quite difficult to tell."
Kitty started to snigger and Jane shot her a warning look.
Elizabeth wanted to join in the laughter. Mr. Collins was unaware of the silliness of his remarks.
"You know, Mrs. Bennet, it is Lady Catherine whom I look to for advice and guidance in my sermons every Sunday. Mr. Collins, I have more experience than you and I can offer you my knowledge and learning, she has said."
"And do you allow her to?" asked Jane politely.
"Yes, indeed, Miss Bennet. How could I not? To have a woman such as Lady Catherine offer assistance to me is a privilege of the highest order. One should always listen to a woman of such good breeding and education as Lady Catherine."
Elizabeth was reaching screaming point. She suspected that Lady Catherine was not quite the lady that Mr. Collins described. She sounded quite unpleasant.
"Quadrille," said Elizabeth suddenly.
Jane stared at her sister. "What did you say, Lizzy?"
"Quadrille."
"What about it?" asked Mrs. Bennet warily.
"The quadrille. I can't remember whether it is a dance or a bird," said Elizabeth, a puzzled look on her face.
"It is a dance, Lizzy," said Jane gently.
"Is it? What kind of dance, Jane? I don't think I have ever danced it."
"Ah, the quadrille. I think I danced it here once before," said Mr. Collins. "I do not have the same lightness of foot as some, but I do my best. I believe I had the pleasure of dancing with you last time I was here, Miss Elizabeth, at the Assembly Ballroom in Meryton, before your father's unfortunate illness."
Elizabeth pondered on what he was saying. "No, Mr. Collins. I think you must be mistaken. I have never danced with you. Not ever. How could I? After all, this is the first time you have stayed with us. How funny you are. We have never met before this day."
Elizabeth looked quite sanguine, but the family were all staring at her.
"Why are you looking at me like this?"
"Lizzy, I think you must be tired to be talking such nonsense. You must still be suffering the effects of the sun to be acting like this. I think we should consult an apothecary."
"Acting like what, Mama? I am perfectly well, thank you, and I am in need of no potions."
"But Lizzy, this is the fourth time Mr. Collins has been to stay," said Lydia.
"Really?" Lizzy took a sip of wine. She smiled across the table at Mr. Collins. "Sir, do forgive me. I don't remember us meeting before this moment."
"Of course you do," snapped Mrs. Bennet. "Lizzy, I cannot think what is wrong with you. Jane, take her to her chamber."
"But Mama, I do not want to retire," said Lizzy, "it is far too early."
"Don't argue with me, Elizabeth. Jane. Please do as I say. Mr. Collins, please be assured, after a night's rest Elizabeth will be herself again."
Mrs. Bennet was on her feet, staring at Jane and gesturing wildly towards the door.
Jane rose and gently tapped her sister on the shoulder. "Come on, Lizzy."
"I don't know why you're making such a fuss. Really, Mama, there is nothing wrong. I apologise for making such a mistake. It's just that I don't remember meeting Mr. Collins before. Naturally if you say I have then I must accept it."
"Jane." Mrs. Bennet was red in the face.
Mary seemed unmoved by the drama but Kitty and Lydia kept giggling and whispering to each other.
Jane quickly helped her sister to her feet. "Come with me, Lizzy. You will feel so much better when you have rested."
"Very well," said Elizabeth calmly. "But I do believe you are making a fuss about nothing. Good night, everyone. Goodnight, Mr. Collins."
Mr. Collins stood up. "Goodnight, Miss Bennet. I look forward to seeing you in the morning. Perhaps when you are refreshed a walk will do you good. Lady Catherine de Bourgh always considers walking good for one's health."
"I look forward to it," said Lizzy as she left the room.
Jane guided her up to her room and shut the door behind them.
"There is no need for you to stay, Jane. I am a little tired, nothing more," said Elizabeth, eager to be left alone.
"Lizzy, were you joking?" asked Jane cautiously.
"Joking about what?"
"That you never met Mr. Collins before."
"Did I say that?" asked Elizabeth, hoping she looked convincingly puzzled.
Jane nodded, her face troubled.
"How odd, Jane. I am sorry. I think Mama is right. It must be the sun."
Jane looked doubtful. "I thought perhaps you were trying to rile Mr. Collins."
"Why would I do that, Jane?"
"I do not know," said her sister. "It doesn't matter. You should get your rest. They do say too much sun can make some people delirious. I think that must have happened to you."
"I think you're right," said Elizabeth.
"Would you like me to sit with you?" asked Jane
"No, I shall have some rest and I will see you in the morning."
"Goodnight." The sisters kissed affectionately before Jane left her alone.
Elizabeth could hardly wait until the door had closed before she grabbed her gown that was laid on the end of her bed and held it to her mouth while she laughed heartily. Oh, to see their faces as she had talked complete nonsense had been so funny. She didn't know how she had managed to keep a straight face. She couldn't wait until the morrow.