BBRae Week: Day 4

Goodbyes vs Lips/Kisses

Raven felt strange.

Unfamiliar territory was a foreign concept to her these days thanks to growing up along with the Titans, and yet, she had never known this feeling before.

It wasn't for lack of experience, though; she'd certainly had her fair share of relationships throughout the years, and had thus become accustomed to certain roller coaster aspects of such romances.

Yet, somehow, things with Garfield Logan were always different.

For starters, Raven had never once craved a person's company in the way she craved the changeling's.

As someone who prioritized and very much enjoyed her alone time, she couldn't understand the sudden restlessness she would often experience whenever her shapeshifting boyfriend was otherwise preoccupied.

Normally, she'd look forward to the idea of spending the evening reading, meditating, and enjoying a cup of tea by her lonesome. Except, after about an hour with her own insufferable company, Raven would start to feel like a caged bird; restless and lonely. She'd try focusing on her mantra, to help calm her nerves, but it never worked quite the same.

Every time, her mind wandered, and it had an uncanny habit of focusing in on the delightfully warm embrace of a pair of strong, green arms. Of course, when she'd realize that only the cold air of her room enveloped her, Raven's heart plummeted in disappointment and longing.

Once she'd acknowledge the idea of him, the sorceress would have a hard time thinking about anything else. She found herself recalling the smaller details, like the scent of his spiced soap, or the way his eyes, the colour of nature itself, would catch the dimmest light of any room. She thought about the way he'd hold her, often nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. She thought about how shy and gentle his lips would be beneath her own, when he'd work up the courage to steal a kiss. Mostly, she thought of the comfort of his presence whenever he was around her, his positive emotions bubbling up to the surface and intoxicating her.

Without the safety net of his blissful happiness, Raven almost felt naked and exposed, like she was a victim to her own thoughts and feelings.

It ruined her meditation, and quickly put a damper on her mood, effectively souring any activity she'd been content with engaging in prior.

She spent some time pacing in her room, annoyed and frustrated with herself and her inability to place the source of such agitated behaviour. It simply wasn't like her to act this way.

Raven would then try and seek the company of the other Titans, obviously looking to fill the void Changeling left her with whenever he was assigned a task-specific mission.

Although the others were often surprised to find Raven leaving the confines of her room to either partake in social activities, or merely watch, they never questioned her. Instead, they treated the occasion like a delight, more than accommodating when they had to be.

Still, it wasn't enough.

When the night winded down, and Richard and Kory were snuggled into the couch, whispering and giggling about a secret joke only the two of them shared, Raven felt a pang of jealousy.

Victor would opt to take Sarah home, and Donna would lead Roy into her room for the remainder of the night. Wally and Linda were typically nowhere to be found, usually having snuck off to a part of the Tower where they could be alone without anyone noticing.

Without Garfield, Raven was suddenly alone in what was otherwise a full house.

The aching and the yearning would suddenly be magnified, and his absence, which was already difficult to ignore, became that much more painfully felt.

She could almost see the ghost of him in his usual spot on the couch, giving her a lazy but charming grin from across the room, with a hint of mischief in his otherworldly eyes.

Except, the couch was empty, and the other half of her bed would remain cold and untouched when she slept.

Missing him hurt.

"Why are you packing?" She'd asked him when he'd come off a job working with the Justice League.

Raven lingered by his door frame, resting her side against the sturdy wall because she didn't trust her rampant emotions; not when her eyes, wide and panicking, observed the changeling gearing up to leave yet again. Not even a week he'd been back, and she had found him in his room, a small black suitcase on his bed while he dug through his drawers for the essentials.

A few pairs of clean boxers, his red and white uniform, a couple graphic tees, his most comfortable pair of grey sweatpants, a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and a bar of his favourite soap that she often enjoyed smelling on his skin.

Garfield had looked up at her sudden appearance, astonished. He was quick to break into a soft smile that lit up his eyes, no doubt trying to appease her worries when he found her furrowing her brows. Somewhere, there was a hint of guilt in the jade pools of his irises.

"Got a gig up at Titans East. Dick wants me to spend some time training the newbies. I tried to turn him down, told him to find someone else, but he said the kids really like me. Something about being relatable, and knowing what a 'meme' is," he explained carefully, folding up a few articles of clothing still laying on his bed.

Raven tried to calm her erratic heart at the prospect of being separated from Garfield for an indefinite amount of time yet again.

It was ridiculous, her inexplicable and irrational fear, and she knew it.

She used to hate the way it made her feel weak; like, how she'd somehow come to rely on him. Of course, she eventually learned that such wasn't the case.

Raven didn't need Changeling.

She wanted him, and she was terrified of losing him. She was worried that one day, he'd wake up and realize how much better he could do; that she was more hassle than she was worth, and that Raven would never find it in her to prove him wrong.

As thoughts such as these swirled in her head, Garfield went on building his defense while skillfully avoiding her penetrating stare. "It's not permanent or anything, but I'll be up there for at least two weeks, maybe more, so I can feel out the kids and their abilities. Dick wants me to evaluate them and figure out which one would make a good leader for the new team." A small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, accentuating the dimple on that side of his face. "I hear there's a new baby Robin who's feistier than all the others, and according to Dick, is quite a hothead. He already seems to think he's earned the title because of his lineage, but I think I'll be the judge of that."

Raven wasn't really listening; quite frankly, she didn't care.

All this talk of Robins and new teams didn't interest her in the slightest. She was still stuck on the notion that he was leaving.

Again.

She'd only just gotten him back, and it frustrated her to no end that Richard kept finding tasks he felt only Garfield could accomplish.

She was, in some ways, happy and proud that their leader was finally seeing the potential she'd noted in the shapeshifter all along, but she also couldn't help the selfishness of her own desires.

"You're going. Just like that," Raven lamented, unable to prevent the creeping disappointment in her tone.

Garfield paused, and put down the colourful boxers he'd been folding. His expression changed, and suddenly he appeared exhausted, his smile and good cheer replaced with a more stoic demeanour. It aged him significantly, and Raven wondered when he'd accumulated the lines around his eyes and mouth.

With a heavy sigh, he tried to alleviate some of his girlfriend's concerns; "I'm sorry, Rae. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn't want to ruin the mood."

She was trying so hard not to be angry with him. It was the situation, she told herself; it wasn't his fault.

So then, why was she wanting to storm out of his room in a huff, never daring to look back, and convincing herself with the lie that she didn't care he'd be gone in the morning?

Internally, Raven was a bubble of conflicting emotions, each screaming at her to act on them.

Instead, the empath settled on doing nothing at all, the silence becoming a thick, choking cloud between her and the changeling.

Garfield slumped down onto his bed, taking in a deep, shaky breath, and exhaling through his nose. He ran his fingers through his unruly green hair. "Say something, Rae. Please. Talk to me," he pleaded.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she maintained rather hollowly, feeling like a stranger in her own body.

"Anything. Tell me what you're thinking."

They'd had this fight before; he was genuine in wishing to hear her thoughts and opinions, no matter if he didn't like or agree with them. Communication was not an aspect of their relationship he was willing to compromise on, and eventually, Raven learned to open up a little bit more.

Taking a deep breath, she chose her words carefully, bracing herself for what was to come. "I'm thinking I don't want you to go, Gar, but I have no way of stopping you, nor the right. I'm aware that it would be extremely selfish of me to even ask it of you," she confessed bitterly, her bottom lip quivering despite all her tight-lidded self control.

Garfield's eyes softened, the various shades of green both familiar and endless. They were always her weakness; even then, her knees felt like jelly. She had to avert her gaze.

"Raven…if you ask me now, you know I won't go…," he told her in a small whisper of a voice, folding his hands together because he didn't seem to know what else to do.

She could tell he was fighting the urge to get up and close the distance between them, but her closed off body language was hinting that his comforting embrace was the very last thing she wanted. Even if the opposite were true.

She shook her head, knowing the temptation of his offer, and what she was refusing. "I can't do that." She had to bite her lip to prevent her from saying yes. She was shaking from the willpower it took to not give in.

"You can," he urged, glancing up at her with sincerity in his glassy eyes. "I wouldn't be upset, nor would I blame you. Rae, I don't like being apart anymore than you do. I go out of my mind thinking about you." The painful honesty in his voice was nearly palpable.

"Then why are you always in such a hurry to get away from me?" Her voice cracked, and she had to monitor each shaky breath before her resolve crumbled completely. It was like a thin sheet of paper, holding a tidal wave at bay.

Raven couldn't help but feel like she'd somehow been reduced to a pathetic, snivelling child in that moment, and she soon came to regret her words.

Immediately, Garfield protested. "I'm not! I'm doing this because of you. You saw potential in me when no one else did, not even myself. I want to live up to that expectation…" He took a second to gather his bearings, raw emotion rolling off him in waves. Then, in a quieter voice, he added; "I want to be good enough for you…"

Anger and rage were always the emotions Raven had the hardest time keeping under control.

"What in the world would make you think that you aren't good enough for me?" she snapped, but her intimidation had long since lost its touch with the changeling.

"Look at you!" he motioned his hands in her direction, "You're incredible! You're powerful, crazy smart, super attractive, and the bravest person I know. Me? I'm some weird looking green dude with pointy ears and a shit tonne of baggage. What the heck do I bring to the table?" He didn't wait for her to give him an answer; instead, he filled in the blanks for her, hanging his head low; "Nothing; the answer is nothing, Rae. I'm no Nightwing. I'm no Cyborg. I'm no Kid Flash. My whole life, I've been a follower, not a leader, and I was perfectly okay with that until…until you helped me realize that I could be more."

When he stared up at her with a newfound determination lurking in the shadows of his face, he said; "That's why I'm doing this, even if it means being away from you. I'm willing to make that sacrifice, but only if I have your blessing."

Raven somehow found the courage to then move towards him, her arms folded over her chest, and on the verge of falling apart. "You're an idiot if you think you have something to prove to me, Gar," she seethed, her eyes becoming narrow, violet slits in his direction. "But if you think I'm going to stop you, you're in for disappointment," she informed him coldly.

He'd stood up to his full height somewhere in the middle of her tirade, and Raven had jabbed the point of her index finger into his chest while she spoke.

Garfield did not look angry or upset by her words in the slightest; if anything, he appeared distraught and forlorn, an unbidden longing she could easily recognize lurking in his verdant gaze. "Raven…please. I don't want to spend tonight arguing. I'm leaving in the morning, and I just want a relaxing evening with my girlfriend," he implored her.

Raven's bottom lip jutted out in defiance, her anger and pride getting the better of her. "Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you agreed to this," she snapped, her gravelly voice gaining an icy edge.

With that, Raven spun on her heel, and made to storm out of his room, no longer wishing to draw out the argument any further.

More than anything, she wanted him to stop her.

More than anything, she wanted him to grab her by the arm and pull her into his chest, holding her until the morning light peeked through his curtains.

Tears burned the backs of her eyes when she quickly realized that Garfield would not be putting up a fight.

She knew, come morning, she would regret her decision. Raven would berate herself for squandering what precious little time she had with the man she loved, all because she was far too stubborn to back down.

She was nothing if not proud.

When Raven had finally reached her room, she'd slammed the door shut behind her, and flung herself onto her bed, muffling a frustrated scream into her pillow.

A part of her was fighting tooth and nail, telling her to go back to him, to apologize and make things right before it was too late. It was telling her to spend the night tucked into his side, with nothing but the sheets to shield them from the cold that would seep in from the open window.

Raven felt sick to her stomach. She was so irrevocably torn, it was making her nauseous. She needed to get away from the Tower; away from him before she would succumb to her weaker instincts, and find herself standing outside his door.

She also didn't want to worry her other teammates; she hated discussing the more intimate details of her private life with anyone who wasn't directly involved.

So, that night, Raven opened her window and stole away into the chill of the crisp autumn air, leaving her bedroom light off but keeping her door locked.

She didn't really know where she would go, and she didn't really care, but the cool, brisk wind against her face was helping to clear her head, and maybe, just maybe, she'd stop thinking of a certain green-skinned boy…

"So, uh, where's Raven? Did she sleep in or something?" Richard joked, sparing Garfield a teasing smile.

Starfire nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. "Ow! What'd you do that for?!" He exclaimed, recoiling from the flame-haired alien beauty as she fixed him with an angry green glare.

Changeling sighed deeply at the mention of the empath, his smile quickly turning into an unsettled frown. The whites of his eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark circles beneath them, while his cheekbones looked pale and gaunt compared to the rest of him. Anyone could tell he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. However, no one had the courage to bring up the obvious reason why. Except for Nightwing, of course. It had merely been an attempt at light conversation, but Dick was also a bit worried at the empath's absence.

"It's all right, Star. He didn't mean anything by it," Garfield excused their leader before bending down to pick up the stuffed backpack resting against the wall.

Richard's rather expressive eyes stared quizzically at his girlfriend, and then at the other Titans gathered about the entrance to the elevator. He scratched the back of his head, and in a gentle voice, asked, "Uh…did you two get into a fight or something?"

This time, Donna was the one to nudge him, giving him a pointed look when he caught her eye. "What? It's a legitimate question, and as team leader, I have the right to know."

Garfield adjusted the blue ball cap he was wearing. "Something like that, yeah. Anyways, you can ask Raven about it later if you want, but I'm going to miss the shuttle if I don't get a move on here. So, how about a quick group hug?"

Despite his lowered spirits, Changeling forced a toothy grin, even though it didn't quite reach his eyes. Once the backpack and duffel bags were all slung over his shoulders, he opened his arms wide in the direction of his friends as an invitation.

All the Titans were watching him with evident concern, hesitant to make a move under such awkward circumstances.

It was Kory who stepped up first, her enigmatic smile splitting her face as she attempted to lead the rest of them through the strained, uncomfortable moment. "Don't let Damian boss you around too much," she teased, squeezing him against her in a fierce embrace.

Garfield could barely breathe in her iron clad grip, and he could have sworn the taller woman had practically lifted him off the ground. "Star…I'll…miss you, too…," he wheezed.

Slowly, the others came around, as well.

Wally.

Roy.

Donna.

Dick.

Victor.

Each took their turn saying their farewells, and imparting a few words of encouragement.

"Don't you worry; I'm sure she'll come around," Donna spoke into his ear during their embrace, her voice warm and melodic.

Garfield rubbed her lower back gently, and mouthed a quick thank you. She winked. "You know I'm on your side, Gar. I'll see what I can do to help," Donna imparted before stepping away.

"Why's everyone actin' like you ain't comin' back? There something you aren't telling me?" Victor teased, pulling his friend into a tight squeeze, and clapping his shoulder with the mighty force of his robotic arm.

"Oof!" he exclaimed against the surprise power of his friend's gesture. "It's just for a little while, Vic. Not to worry; they've got a Game Station over there, so you can bet your butt I plan to be kicking it online, tin man!"

Victor rolled his human eye. "In your dreams, grass stain," he rebutted, but the smile on his face made the comment far less threatening. "Seriously though, be sure to check in while you're there."

Garfield nodded.

Roy, Dick, and Wally all gave the changeling firm handshakes instead of hugs, claiming that he'd be back before they even knew he was gone.

"Take care out there. You know the protocol; I'll be needing regular updates at the end of every day," Dick reminded him, but they'd already done the briefing earlier in the week, and Garfield had ensured he'd brought along all his notes and files. Richard then broke into a playful grin. "Above all, don't be afraid to have some fun. All work and no play will only make those kids cranky, and I wouldn't want them taking that out on you, Gar. Some of them can be quite vicious when angry."

"I'll, uh, keep that in mind," he replied uncertainly.

Once all was said and done, Garfield still lingered just a little bit longer, shuffling his feet anxiously, and knowing in his heavy heart that he'd feel awful for not getting to see Raven before he left.

Not getting to hug her or hold her.

Not getting to kiss her…

Their parting kisses were always the most profound, and when he'd asked her, in between playful nips, why she was so hesitant to let him go, she'd answered with emotion brimming in her infinite eyes, "What if…what if it's the last time?" He'd answered her with his hungry mouth on hers; in their line of work, that would always be a reality…

With that in the back of his mind, it was clear why he chose to wait by the elevator doors, just for a few seconds more…

Garfield had spent the majority of the previous night tossing and turning, thinking about her whereabouts after he'd found her dark bedroom empty, the window left wide open.

He could have gone looking for her, he knew that, and briefly, he'd toyed with the idea. However, he'd quickly surmised that if she was upset enough with him that she couldn't stand being under the same roof, it was probably a better idea to give Raven her highly coveted 'space'.

The silence that had settled amongst the group as they all no doubt felt the missing presence of their final teammate, was suffocating.

Garfield took in a deep breath after swallowing the lump in his throat, and finally decided to stop prolonging the inevitable. He'd have been lying if he said it didn't hurt like hell itself had scathed his skin with fire. "Well, guess this is goodbye for now. See you guys in a-…"

Ding.

The chime from the elevator effectively cut off the changeling mid sentence, and drew all attention to the giant metal doors.

They came open slowly just as Garfield had worked up the nerve to turn around, his breath caught in his throat and his heartbeat soaring. The hope he didn't realize he was holding onto made him both giddy and jittery at the same time.

"Raven…," Wally echoed her name as the dark empath emerged from beyond the opened elevator doors.

She looked frazzled, her dark hair windswept and messy. her violet eyes were wide, darting about the room, and taking in all the shocked expressions before her. If they listened carefully, they'd all have heard the heavy thrum of her heart as her pulse bounded. She'd evidently rushed to get there.

Finally, when her gaze fell on Garfield, it remained there for a while yet, unreadable, and impassive.

He held her stare, unblinking, and not knowing quite what to do.

He didn't even know how to react.

Garfield was having a difficult time trying to decipher Raven's emotions; her face was a blank slate, as it always was whenever she didn't wish for others to reconcile her thoughts and feelings.

However, before he even had the chance to formulate any words, Raven's mouth became a tight line, her nostrils flared, and her eyes were suddenly like amethyst and steel. She crossed the distance between them in a few simple strides, grabbed a fistful of the material of his shirt, and pulled his mouth down to hers in a crushing kiss.

Garfield blinked in surprise at her emboldened actions, all the while the other Titans either gaped at the young couple, cleared their throat, or snickered under their breath.

It was never like Raven to willingly engage in public displays of affection. Especially such a heated, passionate kiss.

"What if it's the last time…?"

Her lips were warm and soft beneath his own, and he knew from the gentle hum coming from her throat, that she was one moment away from slipping her coy tongue into his mouth.

Eventually, Garfield fell into her touch, not caring for his teammates' brazen staring or ogling. His eyelids fell closed, and his hands came up to her arms before he stepped closer towards her, bridging the small space between their bodies. The feeling of her mouth under his was like oxygen to a drowning man; he'd never known how much he'd missed it, craved it, needed it, until it was gone. He breathed her in deeply through his nose, relishing in the way every curve of her body felt against his. Raven's hands then travelled up his chest and over his broad shoulders, until her fingers found the fine hairs at the back of his neck.

"I thought he said something about missing his shuttle," Roy muttered under his breath.

Wally shook his head, chuckling to himself before dragging a surprised and annoyed Harper after him by the collar of his shirt. "Time to leave the happy couple alone, guys," he ordered casually.

Dick nervously scratched at his earlobe before turning to walk away. Victor just threw his head back and laughed before leaving the foyer as well.

Donna and Kory smirked, clearly enjoying the show until Nightwing poked his head back in, and stared accusingly at them. "Ladies, didn't you have a thing you needed to do?"

"What thing?" Kory blinked, perplexed.

Wonder Girl kissed her teeth and rolled her eyes before tangling her arm with her friend's and pulling her away, muttering under her breath; "Party pooper."

When the room was all clear of fellow Titans save for two, Beast Boy and Raven finally parted for air, resting their foreheads against one another. "I thought I was going to miss you," he crooned, still somewhat winded from their deeply passionate kissing frenzy.

"You almost did…" She rubbed the nub of her nose against his. "I almost did," Raven quickly amended.

"I'm glad you made it," Garfield confessed, unable to suppress a smile. "I promise I'll skype you, or something, as often as I can."

The sorceress shook her head briefly; "Hush, it doesn't matter right now…I don't want to fight. Let me have one more minute with you, like this…"

Without waiting for a response, she leaned into his mouth yet again, and his hands moved to her waist, pulling her tightly against him, welcoming the tender embrace of her lips…

-FIN