Warning - mature scenes in this chapter. You have been warned.
Hermione showered and took extra precautions with hair removal charms and deodorant charms before leaving for the evening meal. After the events in the library, she had decided to throw caution to the wind and jump head first into whatever this was that was happening between herself and Malfoy. She waited till everyone had gone so she could sneak into Harry's room and take the map. She wasn't proud of it, in fact, the fact that she was stealing Harry's treasured memento of his father's time as a marauder was downright horrible in her books, but the primal part of her brain had now almost completely taken over, and she was acting out of desire to have Malfoy make her feel things that no one else ever had.
She put the map in a locked compartment of her trunk and sealed it with a charm that she had learnt about recently. It wasn't foolproof but it would at least prevent him or anyone from summoning it.
With the map safely locked away, she felt that she could now be safe from prying eyes. Her only concern was whether or not Harry had been looking at the map earlier that afternoon. It made her stomach drop when she thought about it but she then remembered that Harry and Ron had been deep in a game of wizards chess and exploding snap with Seamus and Neville when she got back.
She sat at the Gryffindor table between Ginny and Ron and took helpings of different things from the serving platters in front of her.
"Where did you get to? I thought you were right behind me coming out of the portrait hole" Ginny said.
"Yeah I was, but I realised I have rounds straight after so I went back to get my cloak" she said, patting her clock next to her.
"You're a witch, couldn't you have just summoned it?" Ron asked. "I know I would. We have too many stairs in this place as it is" he added.
"And that's exactly how you end up like Slughorn over there. Laziness!" Lavender said from across the table, inclining her head towards Slughorn at the staff table, then making goo goo eyes at Ron. She wondered if she would ever be like that with Malfoy and dismissed the thought as quickly has it had come. She wasn't like one of those girls and whatever it was that she had with him was purely physical. There was no emotion involved, just pure lust fuelled obsession, which she was perfectly ok with.
She ate the rest of her meal in relative silence, contemplating what the night would have in store. The way they were going, if he touched her, she may combust, rip all of her clothes off and beg him to take her.
She remained with her friends for dessert and watched along as some younger years performed a play before supper of tea and biscuits was served.
When everyone stood to leave, she bid farewell to her friends and headed in the direction of her usual prefect rounds.
"Hermione, what are you doing, I'm on rounds tonight" Ron said, catching up to her.
"Oh, yes, that's right, but McGonagall asked me to do an extra one. There's been word of a party and she wanted me to help patrol" she lied.
"Right, well… I'm on the 3rd floor if you need anything. Just send me orange sparks or something" he said with a smile that made her feel genuine confusion. She had felt something between herself and Ron in the past, but that all went away when he started snogging Lavender Brown at every opportunity. This smile he gave her, this kind consideration, didn't sit well with her at all.
She pondered this all the way to the 7th floor where she stopped and wondered whether Malfoy was already inside. She didn't have to wonder for long, because he suddenly stepped out from behind a tapestry and almost ran head long into her, taking her in his arms and kissing her like she was oxygen and he had just been drowning.
His hands instantly found her backside and hers travelled to his hair. The feeling of wanting more returned at full force and she pulled away, breathless before she could act on it.
"We should get inside" she said.
She was about to start walking past the door when she saw him walk down the hall, turn and walk back. Clearly, he was going to open the room and she was ok with that.
The door appeared moments later and he pushed on the handle, opened the door and waited for her to enter, before following her in and closing it behind them.
She was now alone with him, completely, for the first time since she realised how badly she wanted him in that way. With her desires taking over, she threw herself at him, letting him know that she wanted him as much as he seemed to want her. She didn't want there to be any question about that. She wanted him to know that she was consenting to his touch, to his kiss, to his everything. Her body was singing for it, screaming even.
When he gently pushed her away, she was a little disheartened and it must have shown.
"I'm not rejecting you Granger, so you can get that offended look off your face" he said with a smile as his hand found hers. It was odd, a little too intimate.
He led her to a couch that was almost too comfortable as she sunk into it.
"We've done a lot of that, but not much discussion" he said.
"Isn't that what the girl is supposed to say? Let's talk" she mimicked girls from almost every single teenage romance she had ever seen or read.
"No, it's what a gentleman is supposed to do" he said, looking slightly offended.
"Ok, I'm sorry, I just… This is all new to me, I don't know how to have a physical only relationship with someone" she said.
"Is that what you want?" he asked.
"Isn't that what you want?" she asked, wondering what it as that she actually wanted.
"The world isn't ready for a pairing like ours, but I actually like you. I like you" he said.
"So this isn't just a physical thing for you then?" she asked.
"No, it isn't" he said, throwing her completely off course. She hadn't expected this so soon. She hadn't expected him to be emotionally invested in this thing they had going on.
"Well, I admit, I am stunned" she said, adjusting herself on the lounge in an effort to distance herself from him physically. "I didn't think that this was supposed to be anything other than unadulterated lust and infatuation" she said.
"Trust me, it's a shock to me too, but I find myself wanting to actually spend time with you. The kissing is a bonus but sometimes I just want to talk" he said.
"So, talk. What do you want to talk about?" she said.
"I just want to know you. I want you to know me" he said.
"Well that's easy" she said, smiling.
They were seated on opposite ends of the lounge, but they toyed with each other's hands along the top of the backrest. The conversation flowed and they shared stories about their lives and their families. Time passed far too quickly before she knew it, she felt like she had discovered a whole other side to the Malfoy she thought she knew.
He was deceivingly kind and loving, particularly with his mother. He was afraid of his Aunt Bellatrix, even though she was his tutor in all things dark magic. He had learnt to dance by age 14 and by age 15 he could speak 4 languages. He had perfected legillimency and occlumency by 16 and, although he had all these skills, he'd trade them in a heartbeat to escape the life he was destined to lead. Hermione told him about her family, about her life growing up as a muggle, being able to do things she didn't understand and then about when she first met McGonagall. Their lives had been so vastly different, and their futures appeared even more so.
"How can we possibly have this connection…" she said after they had almost run out of things to say, "…but be so different. Have such different paths set out for us" she finished, as the clock struck 1am.
"Fate? Maybe you were supposed to show me the good in the world? Maybe I'm supposed to restore your faith in the human race?" he said, referring to her dwindling friendships with Harry and Ron.
"If you can change, anyone can" she said with a smile.
The room filled with a dead silence, apart from their breathing, which echoed around the room like drums in the night.
"You know, I haven't ever kissed anyone the way that I kiss you" she said suddenly.
"No one?" he asked.
"Viktor was very gentlemanly, very proper. There was a boy in my hometown who sort of just…" she cringed, "… slobbered on my face, then there was McLaggan, who sort of forced me to kiss him at one of Slughorn's parties" she said.
"Forced you?" he asked, his face turning red.
"Well, not forced me. But I mean, I certainly didn't want to kiss him and the more I pulled away the more he thought I was into it and kept pulling me back. Eventually I pushed him so hard and ran and hid. I've sort of been avoiding him ever since" she said.
Malfoy was quiet after she said this and seemed to store the memory in his mind before leaning close to her and placing a hand on her face.
"I will never do anything that you're not ok with" he said, resulting in her smiling and blushing. "That's not… I mean, I'm not ok with that" he muttered.
"I will probably not decline anything you have to offer" she said quietly, leaning forward and kissing him softly. She felt that there was a story there waiting to be told, but she also felt that he'd tell her if he ever wanted to.
He kissed her back and pretty soon, their soft kisses turned into their usual passionate embrace. Although it was late, Hermione was nowhere near tired. She was now so enthralled in his touch, in his kiss, in his presence, she could probably stay up all night and still want more.
She took the front of his shirt in her hand and pulled him towards her, leaning back on the lounge. He adjusted his position on the lounge so that they could both lay down, with her slightly underneath him.
She raised one knee and positioned herself so that there was friction where she needed it. She didn't feel embarrassed or guilty for wanting or needing it, she only felt empowered, wanted, and desired when his erection pressed against her desperate centre. It was the thing she hadn't realised was lacking in her life.
He was kissing her, touching her, grinding his body against hers and she was reciprocating in equal measure.
She was now very well aware that if they were naked, they'd be having sex. The ways that they were both moving, both trying to achieve friction, both trying to relieve the tension, was clearly highly sexual and she knew there and then that she wanted more. She needed more.
She wasn't in love with him, she didn't know how she felt about him, but she knew that her body was telling her that she needed this. She had grown up knowing that sex should be an act done by two people in love, but the closer she felt to the impending war, the more her whole life made no sense whatsoever. Sex – it was just a physical act that required two people. Like tennis.
"I want you" she whispered into his ear, as he kissed her neck.
She felt him grow very still and he pulled away and looked her in the eyes.
"You're just saying that in the heat of the moment" he said.
"No, I mean it, I do, I want you, I want you this way" she said, seriously, pressing her body up against his.
"Your first time, I mean… it should be special. You won't even like it" he said.
"I don't care. This… this friction, it isn't enough. I need more. I need to feel something more" she said, shaking her head and reaching her hands down to undo the buckle on his belt.
"Are you sure?" he asked, running his hands up under her jumper and pulling the hem with it.
"I am surer than I have been about anything in my life" she said, hoping he would see that she really did want this.
"It's… I mean, I've been told that I'm bigger than a lot of other guys… You know, I've done this before, and it was painful for her" he said.
"I'm well aware that it won't be pleasant. Just go slow" she said, now trembling slightly as she pulled her jumper and her shirt off in one go.
He struggled out of his trousers, and she reached down and shimmied out of hers. They were now both in their underwear and his lips found the soft flesh of her breasts and his fingers skimmed the elastic of her underpants.
He removed both of their underpants and unclasped her bra in between kissing her and running his hand over her flesh that was now beginning to get covered in goosebumps.
When his hand ventured below her belly button, she arched her back at the feeling of his finger sliding through her wet slit.
"Merlin…" he said.
"I told you, I want this" she said, raising her pelvis to meet his touch.
She moaned as he inserted a finger inside of her. It was pure bliss. It was the void she didn't know existed. It was the thing she had been chasing for weeks. Her legs parted more as he eased another finger into her, and she felt him move them inside of her. Until that point, she had only orgasmed through friction between clothing. Now, it was almost too much to bear. The feeling of uninhibited pleasure, the things she had felt in the past were nothing compared to how he was now making her feel. When he pressed the pad of his thumb against her clit, she gasped as an orgasm took hold without warning. She cried out into the silent room and almost didn't realise when he had shifted positions and positioned himself at her entrance
"You still ok with this?" he asked.
"Please" she begged, as she rode the waves of post orgasmic bliss.
She felt the warmth of him press through her folds and find her opening. She was prepared for the pain, she knew what was to come, and she thought that having orgasmed already, it would dull some of it. She was wrong. As soon as he pressed into her, she felt the burning feeling of her skin stretching. Tears sprang to her eyes as she tried to relax. He was going slow, but she could hear him hissing through his teeth.
"Is it ok?" she asked.
"Ok? Its more than ok. You're just so… I mean, this must be painful for you" he said.
"It's ok, just…" she said, gasping as the stretching and burning grew worse.
"I'm sorry" he said, kissing her.
"That helps" she said with a smile, relishing his lips against hers.
It felt like an eternity that she fought through the pain until she felt him come to a stop. Once he stopped, the pain stopped too. He was now fully sheathed inside of her, and it was like bliss. His lips stopped moving as his hand ventured down to find her clit. He didn't move his body as he slid his hand between them, pressing against her sensitive bundle. It was like instant relief. She moved her body, noticing that any pain was overcome as she felt a different kind of orgasm build. His fingers inside of her had felt good, but now, she felt this intense fullness, which, combined with him rubbing her clit, led her to the building of another orgasm.
"I'm going to move" he said.
"Please" she begged, now panting.
He started moving, pulling halfway out, then pushing slowly back in. She heard him groan, something that fed into her pleasure. She was making him feel good, without doing much at all.
"This is going to be quick, I'm sorry" he said with a rough voice.
"Its ok" she said, feeling like she ha already had her fair share of pleasure anyway.
She felt him grip her flesh at her hips and he started moving faster. There was still some pain, but it seemed as though her body was adjusting. The pleasure built much slower than before, but it was mere moments before she found herself calling out into the night.
The feeling of his body sliding and pressing against hers, his hands on her breasts, in her hair and gripping her flesh, was exquisite. She wrapped her legs around him and found that it created a deeper angle and she burst immediately into another orgasm. She had never experienced anything like it, one after the other, she was crying out in pleasure, gripping him, pulling hm closer to her, kissing him, saying his given name. It was like she was in another universe where Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy were meant for one another and no one else would ever come between them.
He came with a moan of his own and her name fell from his lips like a song she had always longed to hear. He stayed inside of her as he kissed her and looked deep into her eyes. She felt it, something unsaid that she saw in his face and it frightened her more than the realisation that she had just lost her virginity to Malfoy.
"You said my name" she said quietly.
"You said mine first" he said back, as he eased himself out of her.
"What can I say? I Was caught up in the moment" she said.
"Well I liked it. The sound of my name from your mouth. It's like hearing a swear word come from a monk" he said.
She smiled as she lay there, awkwardly wondering how one goes about leaving after sex. It was now 230 in the morning, and she knew she'd be in a lot of trouble if she didn't make it back to her dorm.
Malfoy reached to the floor and picked up his wand, conjuring a blanket and putting it over them both. He shifted them so that he was laying on the lounge and she was half on top of him. It was very intimate, and she wasn't sure she was ready for it, but as her eyes grew heavy and her smile remained on her lips, she allowed herself to drift to sleep, answering her question about how she should leave.
The next morning, Hermione woke, feeling warm. Too warm. She was laying on the bare chest of Draco Malfoy, who also seemed to be in the process of waking.
"Morning" he said, stroking the bare skin of her back.
"I must be a complete mess" she said, pushing her wild curls from out of her face.
She felt his arms encapsulate her and hold her against him and she felt herself tense up before she relaxed into it. She reminded herself that last night, they had had sex. Even though this was Draco Malfoy, her tormentor, her bully, the person who had made life for her miserable at times, he was now stroking his fingers lightly up her skin and she liked it. He had made her feel all of the things she had been longing to feel. He gave her what she needed, and she had likely done the same for him.
But to Hermione, it was clear, this wasn't something that they should or could continue. She couldn't be with someone if it meant sneaking around, hiding things from her best friends and lying to everyone she knew.
"We should probably get up" she said, realising that she was completely naked.
Malfoy gently slid out from underneath her and started putting on his clothes. She laid there with the blanket covering her, too shy to dress in front of him. In the light of day, he was Malfoy and she was Granger.
When he stood, just wearing his trousers, she couldn't help but stare at his physique. He was quite slim, but well defined. She tried not to look, but her eyes darted briefly to his forearm, where she saw no dark mark. The relief was instant.
He leant down to kiss her and when their lips met, her worries faded away. She pulled him back down on top of her and the only items between them were his trousers and the thin blanket he had conjured the night before.
"If you keep this up, we won't leave this place" he said, pulling away and collecting his shirt from the floor.
She sat up, holding the blanket around herself while he handed her clothes to her. She was able to dress without feeling completely exposed and they headed for the door together.
"I think we should leave separately" she said, feeling nervous about going back to reality.
"We're agreeing that we keep this to ourselves. For now?" he asked.
She thought about the consequences of revealing their… whatever this was… to the world and knew that it was a very bad idea. Harry thought he was a death eater, Ron despised him for so many reasons and everyone else, well, to them he was the Slytherin Prince, the son of one of the key death eaters under Voldemort's reign.
"For now" she said, kissing him.
"Meet me later?" he asked, throwing her mind completely off. She had begun to think about how she would find this in someone else, she had begun to contemplate letting Cormack McLaggen take her on a date so she could use him for sex, but here was Malfoy, asking to meet again. He wanted to. This wasn't just a one-night stand for him and the more she stood thinking about it, the more she realised… She was well and truly obsessed.
"I mean… We can just not? If you want?" he asked, with a worried look, bringing her out of her thoughts.
"No, I want to. I had fun, I just thought you wouldn't…." she answered, hesitating. Where did the confident clear headed Hermione go? Why was she questioning this? He had kissed her more times than she could count, he had made her orgasm, he had taken her virginity. Why would he want to leave it here? Why would she feel that he would want to?
Her old self-doubt came crashing down upon her like a tidal wave, causing her to question everything she thought was going on here.
"Granger…" he began, lowering his frame so they were face to face. "I know that this is very strange, I know that. It keeps me up at night thinking about how bizarre this is, but as long as I'm enjoying it and as long as you're enjoying it, why stop? Clearly we are compatible here and I certainly fucking loved every second of last night, and unless I'm completely off, then so did you" he said.
"No, you're right, I did. I do, I want to. What I mean is… Yes, I enjoyed myself and I think it would be hazardous to our health to never do this again" she said with a smile as she kissed him.
All her doubts had now faded away and she was now so far in, she couldn't get out even in she wanted to.
They continued kissing and he pushed her against the door, pressing his body against hers.
"I don't want to leave" he said.
"Me neither" she replied between kissed.
"But…" he said.
"People will ask questions" she said.
"And we don't want that" he responded.
"No…." they stopped kissing.
"Not yet" he said.
She looked at him quizzically, as he stepped back, pulling the door open. He smiled as he left and she stood there a little dumbfounded.
What had he meant by 'not yet'? Did it mean that he could see a time in the future where people knew about this… whatever this was that they were doing? She certainly had no intentions of telling anyone.
After he left, she stood for a while, looking back to the room she had just spent the night in with Draco Malfoy, of all people. To lose her virginity on a whim was one thing, but to do it with him… She was sure about this, she had wanted it, she knew what she was doing, but it didn't make it any less insane. Enemies turned lovers overnight. If she thought about it, he hadn't actually said or done anything horrible to her in more than 6 months. Had he wanted her before their rendezvous on the astronomy tower? He said that he wanted to kiss her, but surely that's where it stopped? People can have strange fascinations, their minds and their bodes can betray them and make them want things that were off limits, that didn't make sense. He wanted to kiss her, he said it. But she had assumed that once he kissed her, he'd have had his fill and been done. He wanted her. She certainly hadn't wanted him, not then. She recalled having approached him with annoyance, with her guard up. The fact that he kissed her was a shock to her, and she had no idea why she kissed him back. Was it the fact that he was completely out of the realms of the type of person she should want that it just made sense? Even then, at the time, she had no idea if he wanted to kiss her or if it was something he'd torment her for later.
She didn't think that anymore, since last night, since his confessions about his life, about his fears, she could only think positive things about him. He was a changed man, that much she knew. And the fact that he wasn't a death eater, he wasn't marked, was a major relief. She had no idea how she would have explained that one. Hermione Granger loses virginity to death eater. She laughed as she left the room and headed down the corridor.
She thought about how wrong Harry had been. Malfoy was clearly no death eater. He was too good, deep down, he was pure. If this thing between them were to progress from some school fling to something more, then she had a chance, she could save him from that life. She could bring him to the side of good. Surely Dumbledore would help? Surely, he could help save Malfoy's mother too, if she asked. Surely there was a way.
She tapped her clothes to appear different to the ones she left in the night before as she headed for the great hall for breakfast as the clock struck somewhere above 8 times, letting her know that breakfast was halfway through.
All of the older Gryffindors turned to look at her when she walked in, and she instantly felt self-conscious. She sat in her usual place, between Ginny and Ron, and started filling her plate with bacon and pancakes.
"Are you going to tell us where you were last night?" Lavender asked.
She looked to Lavender and across to Harry who was eagerly listening in.
"What do you mean? I got back late from prefect rounds and woke early to go to the library" she said.
"Bullshit" Ginny said, stunning her.
"Language Ginny or I'll be forced to take points from my own house" she said.
"Fine, that is a load of rubbish. I went to the library this morning looking for you when the girls said you never came back last night" Ginny said.
"I didn't stay at the library, I went for a walk and sat by the lake to read. You know, in solitude?" she said.
Ron nudged her shoulder with his and smiled at her. "You know we're all just worried about you" he said. Hermione glanced at Lavender out of the corner of her eye and knew that she was fuming from the way Ron was openly flirting with her.
The focus on Hermione was lost when there was a commotion at the entrance to the great hall. Hermione heard yelling before she saw the blonde hair of Malfoy drag Cormack McLaggen to the floor and lay into him with his fists, muggle style.
"What in Godric's name is going on there?" she heard Harry yell, making his way to where the fight was underway.
Hermione knew exactly what it was about. She had told him about McLaggen having kissed her by force and she knew the moment she told him that something would happen. She stayed in her seat, trying to avoid getting involved.
"Hey Hermione, should you go over there and support your boyfriend?" Lavender asked. At this, Hermione flushed red from head to toe.
"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to remain calm.
"You were seen kissing Cormack a few weeks ago, we all just assumed you were secretly dating him" Lavender said with a wicked smile.
Hermione didn't outwardly display how relieved she was to hear that people thought McLaggen was her secret lover, apart from return Lavender's smile.
"That was just once. He was a terrible kisser and it never happened again after that" she said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Right" she said, tapping the side of her nose.
"There's nothing going on" Hermione said, glancing back at the crowd, who was now dispersing under the command of McGonagall. She saw Malfoy standing to one side with a satisfied smile on his face while Cormack sat on the floor nursing what looked like a broken nose.
"I don't know what happened professor, he just came at me" he said.
Malfoy stayed quiet and when they made brief eye contact, she raised an eyebrow at him, and he returned her look with a brief smile and half a shrug.
"Fifty points from Slytherin for physical violence Mister Malfoy. And detentions every night for a month. You're lucky I don't revoke your prefect duties!" McGonagall said.
"Worth it" he said, returning to his table where he was questioned by everyone around him.
The Gryffindors returned to their breakfasts, talking about nothing other than why Malfoy had just attacked one of their own. Hermione was silent, even when Harry declared to her and Ron that it meant for sure that Malfoy was a Death Eater.
As the day wore on, rumours about the motive behind the fight were spreading like fiendfyre. Some were saying that Cormack bumped into Malfoy, some said that it was a house rivalry thing that had no spark, some suggested that Cormack started it and Malfoy retaliated. Harry had now developed several theories that were in alignment with his Malfoy being a death eater. Harry had decided at one point that it was a way to get to Hermione and therefore, Harry himself. Hermione knew the truth, but couldn't very well come out and tell him that, one, he wasn't a death eater because she had seen him naked and he didn't have a tattoo, and two, the fight was all her fault because she told Malfoy that Cormack basically forced himself on her and this made Malfoy angry because… well, she didn't know why. They weren't exactly involved enough for him to go around defending her honour. There had to be something more.
She went about her day as usual, at one point, trying to get into the room of requirement but failing. She figured someone else must have been in there, using it for whatever it was that they needed.
She tried to forget about Malfoy and focus on her homework and study given that exams were in almost two months, but it was proving to be difficult. Every time she put her quill to her lips to think about what to write, she thought of Malfoy's lips and how they felt, pressed against her lips, against her neck, against her flesh.
"You're off with the fairies, Harry said, approaching her with his bottle of felix felicis in his hand.
"Just thinking" she said, looking to his bottle. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm going to talk to Slughorn" he said, a serious look on his face.
Hermione looked around and noticed that no one was within earshot and frowned.
"Are you sure this is the way to get the memory?" she asked, referring to the memory Dumbledore had tasked Harry with retrieving from Slughorn.
"Trust me I know what I'm doing… Well, Felix does" he said, sipping a small amount of the potion before he pulled on his invisibility cloak and made for the door that Ginny and Dean were just stepping through.
She finished up her work and packed her things away before sneaking out the door herself. She told Malfoy she'd meet him, and she wanted to stick to her word, no matter how tired she was. Even if she just met him for a few minutes. She found herself growing more desperate for his touch, the closer she got to the 7th floor.
She walked past the spot three times, but the door didn't show itself. She realised someone else must have been in there, so she made her way up to the astronomy tower, where she figured he may have been. When she found it empty, she stood, looking out at the grounds for a while, before getting fed up and leaving.
She roamed the castle, checking all the places she thought Malfoy might be before checking the room of requirement one last time then returning to the Gryffindor Tower. She felt angry. Angry that the room of requirement didn't open, angry that Malfoy was no where to be found, angry that he was the one who insisted she meet him, yet he was the one who wasn't around.
She went to bed and tossed and turned for what felt like hours before finally falling asleep.
AN - I hope you're all enjoying this story so far. It relies on the troupe that Draco has secretly been questioning everything for a while and has harboured some secret fascination with out Golden Girl for a while. One that I personally tend to favour.