Hello! Coronavirus lockdown had me going a little stir crazy and I got the itch to write again. I'm out of practice but it was fun to revisit this. The next chapter is almost finished as well. Who knows, I might finish this fic yet! Enjoy and stay safe everyone.

The priests of Azarath, Raven's guardians for most of her childhood, had lived simple, chaste lifestyles. Their days were filled with meditation, chores, enrichment of the mind through scripture and ancient lore and, if time permitted, more meditation. It was an austere and monastic way to grow up and despite the care her sisters had shown her, Raven had always felt the friction of their nature against her own. If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a cult of mystics to raise the spawn of satan. Her upbringing had been most effective at stifling any spark of rebellion or any hint of individuality and so she had grown up the world's dullest demon. Which was really the point if you thought about it. All in all, she had been considered a resounding success in the eyes of Azarath.

With some of her most formative years behind her, Raven's outlook on living a relatively ordinary life with ordinary romantic relationships was fairly bleak. She felt like an imposter and a fraud. Even if she did have feelings for Gar, she wasn't even certain they were genuine. It seemed possible this was all a perverse coping mechanism for her anxieties around "fitting in". She wanted the relationship to be real but was it only because she hoped it would make her feel… normal?

The advantage of spending your childhood practicing meditation techniques over engaging in typical pastimes like learning how to ride a bike or fingerpaint is that it makes one very good at, well, meditating. The mind was like a fishbowl, she'd been taught. Under regular, proper care you could easily see what thoughts were swimming around in your head. Without it, the water would become murky and unwanted things might start to grow. Then, who knew what monstrous creatures could be lurking in your own mind.

One of the earliest forms of meditation that had been taught to Raven was the skill to divide and observe her emotions. Originally, she had been taught to think of her emotions as imaginary friends (the priests often struggled with making their lessons child friendly). As she'd grown older, Raven found she could do this without personifying them though she often found it comforting.

It was an exhausting endeavor as you might imagine. Picking apart one's emotions can be messy and tedious. And there was always the apprehension of surprise encounters. But Raven had hit a wall with her Gar and their repetitive cycle of angering one another and apologizing was wearing at them both.

"So it's back to this." She thought, lighting a candle. She had finished her tea. The ritual was soothing and familiar. Raven folded her legs under her and floated gently to the floor. Closing her eyes, she focused on her breath.

When reaching into the mind, it's important to go slowly. If you thrash about it's likely to muddy things and ruin your clarity. Instead, you have to let the mind reveal itself to you and allow your focus to direct your thoughts. If you're too demanding, the vision will only show you what you want to see. Too relaxed and the mind's stream of consciousness will have you wandering aimlessly.

She wasn't surprised by her first visitor. "We'll never be normal if you keep doing shit like this." The voice sounded dejected. "I'm always first because we never change. We'll always feel like this." Sadness was always a more dominant emotion for Raven. But it was a decidedly safer alternative to Anger.

Raven pushed past the feeling of gloom and tried to focus on her goal. She thought about Gar and their happier memories together. Warmth flooded her body and her mouth twitched in a smile.

"He likes you." A voice teased. Happiness peeked through like a ray of sunlight. She thought about how his hand felt in hers, their calloused palms clasped together, fingers intertwined, the heat on her cheeks from the intimate gesture.

"What are you? Six? Who cares about holding hands." Some part of her didn't approve of this girlish, blushing image of Raven. Pushing Pride aside, Raven reflected on it. He'd initiated. He'd wanted to be closer to her. He was always initiating, she realized.

"He's confused." A logical voice.

"He just wants to get in your pants." A sarcastic voice.

"He's just as damaged as you are." Whispered another.

If that were true, maybe there was a way they could at least learn to forgive each other for their sharp edges. "Or he'd learn to hate you." The thought was like ice on her spine. She felt the presence of Fear crowding out her other emotions. Raven, familiar with patterns of her mind, reached for Knowledge instead.

"Gar doesn't hate anything." Came the matter-of-fact voice. "Except maybe meat." It was hardly the waterproof argument she hoped for but it got the point across.

"Pathetic. Why do you even care?" Raven could sense the cerebral eye roll. She had always found Pride hard to control.

She did care, even if that went against her nihilistic, fuck-the-world persona she'd been cultivating for so long. There were things about him that made her care.

"He's always nice to us." A knee jerk response from Happiness. It wasn't enough for him to be nice.

"He sees you." Not one, but two voices now. Raven was startled by the response. It was rare for her emotions to unify themselves.

She paused on this. Raven had coveted her secrecy for so long, it was completely unintuitive for her to desire this.

"To be understood, is to be loved." Knowledge said softly. She felt her chest constrict at the thought. But what if he didn't understand? What if this was pure folly on her part and, and…

"Isn't this the plot of every love story?" The snarky voice brought her focus back with whiplash intensity. Maybe it was true and all her worries were ordinary by human standards. But if it was, didn't that make her… normal?

"No, most love stories are about sexual tension. At least the good ones."

There was also that, Raven mused. She always enjoyed pinning it on Gar but she had her own fantasies and lust-driven moments of weakness. It concerned her that maybe she was unwittingly feeding the beast with her unchecked passions. She knew one side effect of her powers was the ability to manipulate and influence the emotions of others, though often it was done unconsciously. What if this was all some terrible sexual tension feedback loop fueled by her basest desires?

"It's not impossible." Knowledge shrugged.

If there was any way this was remotely possible it was a problem.

"So just take what you want." Pride cheered. She often had overzealous ideas for fixing Raven's problems, most of them involved radical action, snarky remarks or punching anything or anyone she didn't like in the face. Except Raven rarely acknowledged them and this time was no different.

"Oh fine. Ignore me and see where it gets you." She snapped. "Just keep daydreaming about that one time you held hands while Gar goes and gets himself a real girlfriend."

This wasn't the path Raven intended to go down.

"It could be.. fun?" Chirped Happiness.

"I've calculated that there's a very small percentage it could make things worse." Knowledge admitted. This was a nightmare. All her emotions were slowly ganging up on her and not in the usual way. Had she really reached rock bottom with no other way out?

"It's no use. We're doomed." Lamented Sadness. Raven groaned inwardly. Even her most timid emotions thought she was spineless. Well she had sought council and the council had voiced their opinion. She couldn't be mad, after all, this was all just a reflection of her own state of mind.

"Look on the bright side." Said Happiness coyly, "You only have one thing to lose."

...

Raven tried, and mostly succeeded, in maintaining her composure as she knocked on Gar's door. She waited a few seconds, anxious that he wouldn't answer and terrified that he would. As she started contemplating her retreat the door slid open and suddenly those familiar green eyes were staring back at her. This had seemed so much easier in her imagination, but now he was standing there before her, looking very real and very expectant of what she might have to say.

"Er, hello." He started since Raven seemed to have lost her words. Realizing that she had been holding her breath, Raven exhaled softly and shook herself out of her stupor.

"Can I come in?" Gar gave her a baffled look for a brief moment before nodding and scrambling back into his room where he began throwing clothes and other items into the closet.

"You know I don't really get many visitors." He chuckled nervously as he flung shorts and underwear off the bed and into a hamper. Raven stepped across the threshold, looking for a light. Her fingers found the switch and the dim room lit up from a lamp in the corner. Gar paused and glanced apologetically at her.

"Sorry," he said giving her a toothy grin, "I forget not everyone's eyes work in the dark." Raven said nothing and walked stiffly over to the bed and sat down. Once Gar was satisfied with the state of the room he pulled out his desk chair and sat down across from her.

"Welcome?" He looked flustered and for a second Raven felt bad for barging in like this. It wasn't the first time she'd been in his room. In fact, usually she was barging in, hands extended, looking for his neck or for whatever he'd sniped from her. But it had been a long time since those types of pranks and now she felt acutely out of her element sitting on his bed, surrounded by his things. She folded her hands nervously in her lap and tried to keep her voice even as she spoke.

"I was meditating." Raven began, her gaze dropping to the carpet. "It helps me think and … work through my emotions. As you know." She glanced up to see him staring at her quizzically. Maybe this was a bad idea. Her tongue felt like it was twice its normal size and her heart was stuttering in her chest. Fighting crime was a breeze compared to this.

"Any new and interesting insights?" Gar offered. He shifted uneasily in his chair.

"Yes well… I think I've come to some kind of solution." She managed to say. Gar shifted again.

"A solution?"

"Yes. To what's going on between us." The silence after her words was thick. She watched his face carefully but he was frozen, waiting for her to continue.

"It seems like the most logical approach to diffuse the situation." She swallowed and prepared herself for her next words.

"I think we should have sex."

Not sure how many bbxrae fans are still out there but thanks for reading. A review is always appreciated :)