A/N: Hello, dear readers. This one feels like an in-between chapter but it's more of a build up for the excitement and drama to come. Thanks for the continued support :) It's great to be writing more regularly again!
A general sense of unease had settled upon the Titans, though no one could really put into words what it was that was casting such a troubling shadow on their lives. Raven felt it within her teammates and saw how their thoughts itched at some shapeless worry.
At dinner, Gar had to ask Robin to pass the salt three times before he snapped out of his pensive chewing. And Victor, despite his good cheer at securing a date with the woman at the party, accidentally burned his breakfast bacon twice that week.
Even Starfire was more muted than usual. She'd commandeered Raven's usual hideout on the top of the tower and had spent a couple evenings up there, Silkie in her lap, simply sitting in silence and observing the city.
Raven, always the quiet and gloomy type to begin with, felt it as well. But as someone who had never expected to live past her eighteenth birthday, the habit of worrying about vague, unknowable futures was something she'd given up long ago. As she'd learned in childhood, there was no victory to be had in questioning the motives of the universe. Time inevitably brought change and whether it was good or bad or otherwise was simply a human way of thinking.
So Raven dismissed the concerns about the new mayor and instead focused inward on her own problems. Things seemed to be getting out of hand more and more these days. Except now it wasn't her secret to bear alone. Starfire had been pulled into the fray and she had her own ideas about securing a 'happily ever after' for Raven. It felt good to have the confidence and support of a friend in this matter but Raven also worried that Star's good intentions might cause more trouble than good, especially given her own emotional investment in the outcome.
It wasn't until the following weekend morning that she finally cornered Raven in the kitchen. Her tea had just started steeping when Star floated into the common area.
"Good morning, my friend." She trilled, coming over to grab herself a banana. Raven half mumbled a response and took her mug to the breakfast table.
"You've been very sneaky, avoiding me this week." Star said, sitting down to join her. It was unusual for anyone other than Raven to be awake so early on the weekend. She had her own suspicions that something else was up with Starfire.
"Don't take it personally. I've been avoiding everyone this week." Raven told her, staring moodily into the wisps of steam coming from her tea. Maybe it was the same thing affecting everyone else but over the past few days Raven had certainly preferred the isolation of her room over the company of her teammates. It wasn't even Gar's doing so much as her own. He'd given her plenty of space ever since the incident in the elevator.
"Well," said Raven, resigned. "Go ahead. Ask away." Starfire's face brightened.
"Did you and Gar-" She started but Raven interrupted her with a wave of her hand.
"I'm going to stop you there. Nothing happened." Star tilted her head, obviously feeling like something wasn't adding up.
"I just assumed when both you and Gar went missing later in the evening that something had happened." She muttered. Raven sighed, feeling a little guilty.
"Well, mostly nothing happened." She said, correcting herself. Star gave her an exasperated look.
"Mostly nothing is not nothing." She said, taking a bite of her banana. "So it must be something." She chewed suspiciously while Raven grimaced at her tea.
"We made out in an elevator. And then I stopped him before it went any further."
"I see." Her friend continued munching thoughtfully while Raven sipped her tea and hoped that was the end of it.
"Did he like the dress?" Star asked hopefully.
"Yes." Raven took another careful sip. Star leaned back with a dramatic sigh.
"Raven, you are so bad at girl talk." She groaned, throwing the banana peel on the table in Raven's direction. "Can you tell me anything?"
Raven thought about the evening for a moment and tried for Starfire's sake to come up with more interesting revelations. There were certainly many more heated memories she could divulge but she preferred to keep those locked away.
"I liked how he looked in a tux." Raven told her truthfully. Star nodded at her in encouragement but her expression fell as she realized that was about as much as Raven wanted to offer on the subject.
"Was he romantic?"
Raven considered the question. Romantic was an unusual word for her. It had felt a little romantic with him dancing her around the elevator but Raven's definition of romance was rather incomplete. She knew romance from the perspective of seventeenth century English authors waxing poetically about the blush on a young woman's cheeks or the gallantry of men defending the honor of the one they loved. That was one outdated vision of romance in Raven's brain.
There were also the modern couples she saw with the guy's arm wrapped protectively around the woman's shoulders or him offering his too-big coat to her because she looked cold. It seemed in a lot of ways that romance was some show of male strength or compassion for the weaker gender. This idea disagreed with her for a variety of reasons. She didn't need to be taken care of or looked after and she failed to see how romantic gestures weren't just thinly disguised acts of pity or condescension. Additionally, it also felt as if romantic expectations stifled relationships by demanding empty displays of love as a way of appeasing societal or cultural norms. In a word, Raven saw romance as pointless.
However, Starfire likely had other ideas of what romance meant and it was very apparent by her rapt attention that one syllable answers were not going to suffice.
"I'm not sure about romantic. He can be persuasive." Raven began. "Annoyingly persistent might be a better description." She frowned. Just thinking about Gar's antics brought on some faint echo of irritation.
"That is one of his best qualities, I think." Starfire mused. Her finger found a red curl and she began to twirl it absentmindedly while Raven struggled with words.
"If he knew what was good for him we wouldn't be in this situation." Raven huffed. "I gave him plenty of reasons to give up and find someone else to bother." Star's finger stopped.
"But that's the thing isn't it?" She told Raven pointedly. "He could have given up. So many times he could have decided you were wrong for him. But he cares enough to keep trying."
Starfire's words triggered uncomfortable feelings of both guilt and pleasure. Raven blushed, her mind trying to swat away the idea that Gar might really care about more than just the stupid game they seemed to be playing.
"I think you give him too much credit, Star." She mumbled, avoiding her friend's eyes. Starfire looked so excited by her own revelation and it concerned Raven deeply. Gods knew what elaborate fantasy she was imagining between them. Gar probably seemed like some valiant rogue trying to thaw the heart of an ice queen. Raven could only wonder at Star's appetite for such drama.
"Well I think you don't give him enough credit." Star huffed, crossing her arms. Raven raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"Is Robin romantic?" Asked Raven, hoping to steer the conversation in another direction.
"Am I what?" Raven's mug made a sound like a gunshot and suddenly it was gone, replaced by a thousand tiny ceramic shards scattered around the table. She was only thankful it had been mostly empty. Starfire, having recovered from the shock of the exploding cup, whipped her head around to look at Robin standing in the doorway of the common room.
"Oh hello, Robin." She said much too loudly. Raven resisted the overwhelming urge to sink into the floor and disappear and instead focused her energy on levitating the mess into the garbage can. She almost dropped the pieces again when she heard Starfire's next words.
"Raven wanted to know if I think you are romantic." She explained, her voice still much too loud for Raven's liking. Also, what the hell was she doing throwing her under the bus like that? Robin walked over, his eyes narrowing. To Raven's surprise, he said nothing. In fact, it was almost as if she wasn't even in the room the way these two were looking at each other. There was an all too uncomfortable energy radiating from both of them that seemed to have nothing to do with her.
"Well, Raven." Star continued as if addressing her but her gaze was firmly fixated on Robin. "If I had to be honest, I would say Robin has all the romance and charm of a glubnorbian mud worm." It was very apparent now that Raven was caught in the middle of a lover's spat. Star's eyes were a brighter green than usual which was common whenever her anger flared up and Robin looked painfully stiff, a deep, disapproving frown etched on his face.
As relationships went, Robin and Star probably fought less than the average couple. But when it did happen, no one in Titans Tower could rest easy until they'd made up. In all honesty, Starfire was terrifying enough to challenge Raven's reputation when she was mad. This was a feat in itself if you considered that Star didn't need to resort to tentacles or demonic voices in order to instill fear in those around her. Her anger was a palpable thing that overwhelmed your life-preserving instincts, promising instant, unavoidable death if she so desired it. Thankfully, Starfire resorted to taking out her aggression on inanimate objects if things got really out of hand. Victor always had something to fix whenever Robin and her were on bad terms.
Raven stood up and glided slowly and silently away from the center of the storm and towards the door, hoping that her part in all this was over. If either of them noticed, they didn't show it.
"I will not explain myself to you again." She heard Robin say. "You're going to have to accept that this is the reality we live in." Whatever it was going on between them sounded more serious than a simple misunderstanding or insensitive moment. She floated a little faster towards the exit, then wobbled in surprise as the door opened and Gar appeared in the entryway.
He looked at her, looked past her at Star and Robin and looked at her again with a dumb expression on his face. Raven shook her head furiously, indicating no, he should turn around and get the hell out.
"Wha-" A strip of black energy taped his mouth shut and Raven turned him around to shove him back out into the hallway.
"THIS IS NOT YOUR CHOICE ALONE TO MA-" The door closed shut and Starfire's words were now nothing but muffled shouting. By the look on Gar's face, he finally seemed to understand what he had stumbled in on. The dark energy disappeared and he let out a low whistle.
"Trouble in paradise, I see." He remarked. "It's too early for this." He was still in his pajamas which consisted of blue boxers and a pineapple print shirt that looked like it should be on a ten year old. It was a far cry from the appearance of the man who had almost seduced her in an elevator.
"And why are you up so early?" Raven asked. Gar scratched his head, aggravating the cowlicks in his hair even more.
"Well I heard a bang and figured I'd see what was going on." Raven grimaced, remembering her lapse in control.
"Yes, I owe you a new coffee cup." She told him guiltily. The dishes had been dirty so she'd used Gar's tiger cup for her morning tea. He blinked then chuckled a little as he made the connection.
"Hey, it's alright. Hopefully that was the only casualty." He said, sounding genuinely unconcerned about the mug. Raven made her way down the hall and Gar followed her, still giving her an arm's length of distance but acting noticeably more confident now compared to earlier in the week.
"Are you doing okay? You haven't accidentally ka-boomed anything in a while." Gar noted, glancing at her face. If he hoped to read anything from her expression he was to be sorely disappointed.
But despite her usual, calm exterior, Raven had been at war with herself ever since she'd walked out of that elevator. The reality was she had gone home frustrated, not so much at Gar and his choice of dance partners, but rather she was frustrated at the relentless demands of her body. She'd stripped naked and slid under the covers of her bed, praying sleep would claim her so she could escape from herself, if only for a moment.
The feeling of the sheets against her sensitive, bare skin was torturous and the sound of her own labored breathing was deafening in the dark, quiet room. Soon her hand had slipped between her legs, fingers finding the aching center of all this madness. She saw Gar's face so clearly as she closed her eyes and let her imagination pretend that it wasn't her fingers, but his. The effort was enough to bring her gasping into an orgasm but after the shockwave subsided, the emptiness was still there, demanding some satisfaction that was beyond her.
She was ashamed to admit that every night since then had been the same. She'd gone to bed, damp with sweat, a pillow clenched between her thighs as she tried to sooth whatever monster she'd awaken. It was such a desperate feeling, not just the desire for sex, but the unexpected loneliness that came with it. She ached for the feeling of another warm body next to hers, ached for that sense of completeness. But her pride would not have it. So she stifled her moans with her pillow and told herself that whatever it was, it would wear itself out eventually.
"I'm fine." Raven said. From her tone, she certainly hoped it sounded that way.
Gar followed her onto the roof, hopping up the steps behind her as she levitated up the stairwell and out into the cool, morning air. The sky was clear and the sun was only just above the horizon, its rays casting a pleasant, mellow light on the tower. Raven found her perch on the edge of the deck and Gar plopped down beside her on the chilly concrete.
"You're not cold?" Raven asked, eyeing his boxers and thin shirt. He shrugged.
"I run warm." He told her. He wasn't lying. Raven remembered exactly how warm his skin felt against her.
"Are you still mad at me?" Gar finally asked her after a few minutes of meditative silence. Raven sighed and shook her head.
"No, I'm not mad at you." She watched the gulls hovering in the breeze, her eyes following them as they dove towards the water for their breakfast.
She hadn't been truly mad at him to begin with. When she woke the following morning after the party and blinked groggily at the realization that a new day had begun, suddenly all those feelings from the night before seemed trite and embarrassing. She couldn't imagine for the life of her how she'd succumbed to such base emotions.
She'd acted irrationally, submitting to the control of some jealous, possessive part of herself that was probably brought on by alcohol and the general debauchery of the evening. Those dark, feverish moments of desire evaporated like fog in the morning light, leaving her to wonder if they'd ever really existed at all. But the proof was in her tangled sheets and in the shadows under her eyes.
Raven was thankful that they hadn't gone any farther in the elevator, but she worried that her own emotions had accidentally influenced Gar's actions. It was very possible her own desires were bleeding over into those around her and causing unintended side effects in her friends. The idea weighed on her heavily.
"Gar, can you humor me?" She asked, looking at the green man sitting next to her. He was leaning back, staring up at the sky with a tranquil expression on his face. At the sound of her voice, he snapped back to attention.
"Huh? What do you mean?" He asked, giving her a curious look. Raven chewed her lip, considering what it was she wanted to prove to herself.
"I want to test a theory." Raven told him. This was a bit risky and she wasn't even sure she wanted to know.
"OK, I'll be your guinea pig." He smiled at her. "What do you need?"
"Just tell me what you feel." She said, searching his face. "Close your eyes and tell me if you sense anything."
Gar said nothing and closed his eyes, his expression alert and expectant. Raven considered how she wanted to approach her experiment and decided she should dig up some happier memories to project. She just wanted to prove to herself that this was possible and, in the event that it was, there was no need to give Gar a panic attack. There was an extensive catalog of unpleasant memories in Raven's life that had no business unburied.
"You're not going to kiss me, are you?" He teased, interrupting her concentration. Raven only shushed him.
Closing her own eyes, she picked a particular memory from one of her earlier days on the team, probably only a few months after she had joined. She'd never eaten pizza before and they'd gone out to a rooftop spot in the city to celebrate. She couldn't remember exactly what they were celebrating, but they'd purchased balloons and a stack of pies and had basically the whole patio to themselves.
It was a simple memory, but Raven remembered the unique sensation of belonging for the first time. She remembered how thrilled everyone had been just to see her eat a slice of pizza, how they'd made her feel like more than just some burden or obligation in their lives. She never told anyone but that memory stuck with her like a cornerstone, a realization that these people cared about her, not because she was useful or because it was in their advantage, but because something about knowing her made them genuinely happy. In her mind's eye, Raven tried to recall the full spectrum of her emotions from that day.
Suddenly, Gar started laughing. Raven's eyes popped open and she turned to give him a harsh look, annoyed by the interruption. But his eyes were still closed and he was sitting there, smiling and chuckling to himself like he'd just remembered a good joke.
"Are you okay?" Raven asked, watching his expression as it quieted once again.
"Yeah, it's weird. I felt really happy all of a sudden. But it's kind of… nostalgic?" Gar opened his eyes to meet hers. She saw her own joy reflected in them and shivered a little at the realization.
"What exactly are you testing?" He asked, swinging his legs around to face her. Raven pursed her lips, unsure how to explain it without causing him concern. People generally did not react well to the idea that their emotions were being manipulated.
"I wanted to see if you can sense what I'm thinking." Raven told him. "You should have better perception than most because of your animal instincts. I was curious to see how well you can pick up on emotions." It seemed smarter to make Gar think maybe this was some special skill of his own rather than the invasion of her own mind on his unsuspecting subconscious.
Her words must have worked because suddenly Gar was grinning at her like she'd offered him some exciting new challenge.
"Prepare to be amazed." He told her, waving his hands for flare. "Animals are much more aware than we give them credit for. For instance, this one time, I met a pigeon that could always tell when someone was lying." Raven rolled her eyes at him.
"I'm sure."
"No really. I've learned a thing or two from animals. Try me." Raven sighed and stared off into the horizon, thinking that maybe she'd made a mistake bringing this to his attention. It was just another thing he'd latch onto as a way of entangling himself in her life.
"You're annoyed aren't you?" Gar said, then stuck his tongue out at her which she thought was rather brave.
"Like that's hard to guess. Most of the time when you're around, I'm annoyed." She huffed.
"You're not always annoyed." He corrected her, smiling. "Sometimes you're other things too. Don't lie."
Gar was definitely back to his old self now, falling into his familiar habits and the usual banter. Raven was sure he was feeling pretty cocky about the fact that she hadn't ejected him off the roof yet.
He was always like this. Too easy to trust. She wondered at his instincts if they weren't screaming at him to run in the other direction. There was something unnatural about his desire to be near her when all outcomes pointed at failure, or worse. It made her uncomfortable to admit it, but she was dangerous, or at least had the potential to be. Raven knew there was a reason animals avoided her.
Closing her eyes again, Raven remembered another time when she'd seen Gar like this, radiating happiness and that mischievous, boyish charm. Except those green eyes hadn't been focused on her at all. She'd always been hidden away in the corner of the room, only a spectator, never a contender. In this world, Raven was an afterthought, a curiosity, just another interesting way to pass time. Gar had found someone else that resonated with him, someone with whom laughter came easily. Pushing past her guilt, Raven brought that familiar face to mind, the piercing blue eyes, the long hair like spun gold, the smile that was infectious to everyone around her.
Terra's memory was a source of many complicated emotions for Raven. She felt anger and envy first, furious at the idea of this parasite finding a way into their lives and squandering a good thing. She'd betrayed them out of fear, out of her own self interest and that had struck a very raw nerve in Raven. She hated her. She pitied her. But Raven knew it was pointless. Terra was a ghost and the only person left to hate and pity was herself.
"Rae…" Gar's voice felt like it was coming to her from underwater. She was so consumed by the memory now, the fear and the loss felt so real again. She remembered the way Terra had settled so easily into their lives, quickly becoming another integral part of their little family.
Except, Raven had felt herself drifting farther and farther away, forced out by her own divided conscience. Her inability to trust Terra, regardless of the fact that she'd been right in the end, had never made her feel more alone. They'd picked Terra over her. Gar had picked Terra over her. Some part of her had never forgotten that.
Gar's hand closed over her own and suddenly she was present again. Her body shuddered and gasped at air as if surfacing from the depths of a cold sea. When Raven opened her eyes, Gar's face was there but, unlike before, it looked weary, older. There were heavy lines etched on his forehead and Raven saw his features had taken on the shape of her own quiet sorrow.
When he leaned in to kiss her this time, she was still beneath his lips. She could feel his affection like a wordless apology, his own emotions reaching out to her to sooth the pain she'd revealed to him. He kissed her softly. It was so much different than the times before when there was only hunger and urgency crashing down on them like a tidal wave. This was slow and deliberate. He wanted to bring her back to him, to this stolen moment on the rooftop where none of those memories could reach them.
But Raven couldn't accept it. She wouldn't accept it. Even as she let him kiss her cheeks and brush her hair back with his fingers, Raven despaired at the knowledge that she'd tricked him.
It had been too easy to use her emotions against him. This was a power she'd inherited from her father, a skill of a more sinister design. The ability to charm people, to cause them despair, hopelessness, anger, jealousy - it was all part of a demon's repertoire. As much as she had been taught to reject it by her upbringing in Azarath, the ability came as naturally to her as breathing.
She should be happy, Raven thought. The sun rose on them. She felt the warmth blooming on her skin and for a brief moment, imagined a world where her life began now. In this universe, everything that came before was just a dream and the only real thing was this man and the way he was kissing her.
A noise brought her back to the present, the cry of a gull, or the crash of a wave, she couldn't say for sure. But that fragile fantasy was gone and reality came down on her like a bucket of cold water. Gar's arms were around her but she felt completely and utterly alone.
He'd grown up in a suburb of Gotham, the son of a loving mother who suffered from depression and an impossibly strict father who drank too much. When his sister died in an accident only a few days before her sixteenth birthday, he beat his father unconscious with a law textbook, took the cash he'd saved from working at the local bakery, and left for the west coast. After finishing college and graduating from law school, Oscar Morelli set out to change the world.
He was wildly unsuccessful.
The years passed and he hopped around from law firms and non-profits, his uncompromising ideals giving him a red letter reputation that had every employer pushing him out the door faster than he could introduce himself. They knew his type and had no need for his naive, enthusiastic ideas and his endless stream of questions. They wanted someone who would jump at orders and respect the way of things as they'd always been.
For a while, it appeared that whatever dreams he had for a political career would soon be forgotten and he'd be forced to accept his future as a mediocre lawyer at some mid-level law firm. That is, if he could just keep his mouth shut. But, with his money running out and the end of his twenties just around the corner, something strange happened. Things started going right for Mr. Morelli.
He got a position as city advisor assistant and began meeting important people who remembered him. He married Abigail Paxton, the daughter of a wealthy family whose money came from generations of owning a successful trading company. In only a few years time, he had enough influence and financial backing to run a proper campaign and, at the age of thirty, Morelli became one of the youngest mayors in the nation.
The whole narrative of his life up until that moment read like that of any other young man escaping his troubled past. It was an all too familiar tale with a predictable ending and yet it seemed the karmic masters of the universe had somehow changed their minds about this one. And it didn't stop there, success seemed to follow Morelli wherever he went.
What troubled Robin the most were the other things that followed him.
In many regards, Morelli was an excellent mayor. He was efficient, well-spoken, creative, and unyielding. Corrupt officials were ousted under his thorough investigations. Money went farther under his control and projects that had dragged on for years were suddenly completed in a timely manner. Despite his unwillingness to play politician and curry favor with the established hierarchy, he still got the support he needed to get things done. Status quo simply didn't apply to him.
But there were other patterns of change that had become his signature. In many cases, his careful investigations also extended into the lives of superheroes. Suddenly, lawsuits against local superheroes appeared on the news headlines. Vigilante groups were disbanded. Formal permits for superhero work were required as well as reports that passed through his hands directly.
"What's a time card?" Asked Gar, interrupting Robin's briefing.
"We would have to log our hours spent working in order for the city to determine our paychecks. We'd basically go from salary to hourly." Robin explained. He got a few confused looks except from Victor who only groaned.
"Do you remember how you got paid when you worked at Mega Meaty Meat?" Victor asked Gar.
"Yeah, I showed up and money appeared in my bank account." Gar said. "But it was really just about the moped. The pay was garbage." Robin sighed and continued.
"The point being that our wages are based on time spent actively fighting crime or training. And there's apparently other job responsibilities he has in mind." Robin told them. He'd been busy reading up on news articles, policies and other pieces of Morelli's paper trail in previous cities. Robin had also reached out to a couple of their contacts in other parts of the country to see if they had any information on what they could expect.
The strangest part by far of Robin's findings was the usual rate of superhero retirement or transfers in these cities. It seemed that there were always one or two men or women who suddenly stepped down or moved away without much explanation. Robin couldn't make heads or tails of it from the reports. They were always sparse in detail and the statements read in a way that felt scripted.
For whatever reason, Morelli's presence looked very bad for superhero business. One hero with psychic abilities was even serving prison time after an investigation revealed he'd been selling sensitive information to criminals - things like safe combinations, pin numbers and other access codes. Raven knew that superheroes weren't immune to temptation and that corruption and deceit happened even within their circle but hearing about it was still unnerving.
The whole thing promised trouble for the Titans and Raven knew she wasn't alone in the sinking feeling that was slowly twisting her gut. When Robin finished divulging everything he'd uncovered so far, the common room went silent for a good, full minute.
"Is there anything to be done?" Starfire finally asked. Victor was busy fiddling with a bolt on his wrist and Gar was scuffing his shoes against the carpet, both of them uncharacteristically quiet.
Robin brought a hand to his chin, thoughtfully.
"I've considered our options." He said slowly. "Some changes are inevitable and we're just going to have to deal with it best we can." He paused and suddenly looked at them all intently. "But it's my goal that we remain together as a team regardless of what happens." All heads nodded in response.
"Just be careful for the time being. Don't give him any reason to single you out or anything he can use against you." Robin told them. "We're all meeting with him next week so behave yourselves." Raven stiffened, remembering her last encounter with the man. She was going to have to be more careful with her words this time around.
"And," Robin continued, looking them each in the eye, "I'm saying this as your friend." His voice was soft but his face was deadly serious.
"If you have anything to hide, now is the time to get your shit together."
A/N: Oh snap. Obviously, something's going down. Leave a review if you please and stay tuned for the next chapter!
Also, has anyone tried re-watching Teen Titans? I'm curious if it's aged well since it's been many years since I've seen an episode...