Chapter 29 - Forever Waiting
Only a few seconds after Belle had left and Beast's emotions were still completely shot, Cogsworth came in, eager for news.
Beast was standing beside the pedestal, staring solemnly at the rose. He was still adoring his ballroom attire, but had loosened his cravat, as he felt like it was choking him, when in actuality he had been choking on his sobs.
"Well, master, I may have had my doubts but everything seems to be moving like clockwork! True love really does win the day." The mantle clock stated joyfully.
Beast turned away from the rose, and stared sadly at Cogsworth. His tired eyes did a quick sweep of the room, taking note that the mantle clock was not alone, and had brought several familiar faces along with him, all of which were equally excited.
"I let her go." He murmured. His voice sounded broken.
"You did what?!" Cogsworth cried in alarm.
"Master, how could you do that?" Lumiere asked.
"I had to." He responded simply, casting his eyes at the ground. He didn't want to look at them anymore.
"But why?" Cogsworth questioned.
There were many reasons. For one, he didn't want Belle to lose another parent. He had already lost both, so at least he could help her save her father. Another reason was that setting her free was the right thing to do. It was what she wanted, what she needed to be truly happy.
But the main reason for why he had done it... The same reason that was only just beginning to dawn on him, was simple and yet so complicated at the same time.
"Because I love her." He stated.
If you love someone, then you have to let them go.
"Then why are we not human?" Lumiere questioned.
"Because she doesn't love him, and now it's too late." Cogsworth answered.
Beast felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Cogsworth was right... He was still trapped in this body, he was living proof that Belle didn't love him. All of their hard work... Had been for nothing. He had failed them.
"But she might still come back." Plumette offered a bit of optimism.
Beast shook his head. "No, I set her free. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you." He apologised. He was truly, and deeply sorry. This was all his fault... And he had failed to fix it. He still couldn't do anything right. "You should go and enjoy what little time we have left."
The servants turned and sadly walked away, their heads hung low. Their fates had been sealed. Not only had he lost Belle, but now he was going to lose them too.
Beast watched them leave. Once they were gone, he turned and punched the nearest wall in frustration. He pretended that the wall was his own face.
He then butted his head against the wall, and then pressed his forehead up against it, clenching his teeth as he tried to stop himself from crying. He closed his eyes and held them tightly shut. Nothing had changed. He was still useless, still a waste of space... And now he had lost the first and only person he had ever loved.
He heard Philippe's cry. His eyes shot open and he pushed himself off the wall. He staggered passed the wilting rose and stumbled through the gap in the wall and out onto one of castle walkways.
And there she was. Belle, riding on Philippe's back, her yellow dress fluttering in the wind as Philippe ran through the gardens.
The love of his life, slowly disappearing from his view. The yellow dress was almost symbolic. He had been in the dark for so long, but when she came into his life, she showed him the light. She was the light. And now it was fading fast, plunging him into eternal darkness once more.
He supposed that this was a good thing. It was good for her. He couldn't let her fall in love with him, he had to save her from that. She was everything that he was not. She deserved so much better than him.
She was free now, she could go home to her father, she could save him from the angry mob. He knew she could do it, he knew she could do anything if she really put her mind to it. And after that, perhaps she and her father could move away from that terrible village, maybe go back to Paris and start over. Maybe someone would snag her up, for her inventions or her vast literacy knowledge. She could become a teacher, or an inventor. And if not, she could go see the world, she could go and be whatever she wanted. She could find someone that truly deserved her, they could fall in love, and start a family, have a couple of beautiful children.
She could have everything that he couldn't give her.
He wanted that future for her so much.
But despite all of that, despite the fact that he knew she would eventually move on, that she was never going to come back... He was still going to wait for her.
Perhaps one day she would return and proclaim her undying love for him.
That was a nice thought, but... No. She didn't love him. That much was clear.
But it didn't even matter anymore. He didn't care about the curse, he didn't care about becoming human again, he didn't care about himself! All he cared about was that Belle was free. She could live the life she wanted, and no one was going to stand in her way.
All he cared about was her.
Beast began to walk across the castle walkway, trying to keep Belle in sight.
He knew what true love was now. He had let her into his heart, and allowed himself to fall for her. But he had learnt too late, and now he would never know what it would feel like to be loved by her. But even if his love for her was unrequited, he would never stop loving her. He would never stop thinking about her. She would stay with him always.
The fact that she allowed him to experience what true love was might be enough to carry him through to the bitter end. She gave his life meaning, and for that, he had to thank her.
The thought of her would torment him, but it would calm him, and it would also move him, perhaps all at once. She would mess with his mind and make his heart ache, but in turn, her memory would keep him going.
He entered the nearest tower and began to climb up, reaching the nearest window and gazing out, catching another glimpse of Belle as she rode off into the night.
His castle door would always be open, and he would wait here, wasting away... Waiting for her to come back.
Because there was no other option. He could not die from old age, he was going to live forever. He would stay exactly the same, stuck in this endless nightmare for all time. He wasn't going to take his own life... Because that's not what she would have wanted. She didn't want him to give up. Even if his life meant nothing at all without her.
The thought of her being alive out there, actually living a good life, was enough to give him a reason to live. If she ever did come back, he didn't want her to return to an empty castle, and find him... He decided to stop himself there.
Even after the servants were long gone, he would still be here. Even after the castle crumbles and becomes nothing but dust, he would still be here. Belle was going to influence every decision he made, he was going to carry the thought of her through thick and thin and never let go. Because if he forced himself to forget about her, then that was when he would truly lose her.
He climbed higher, exiting the tower and heading across the battlements towards the largest and tallest tower, keeping an eye on Belle as he walked.
She was starting to become a mere speck in the distance. But even as she flew so far beyond his reach... She would never leave his sight. He would keep a strong, vivid picture of her in his mind, and never allow it to fade, even if she herself was fading from view.
He turned and entered the tower, climbing the stairs. Everything she had taught him, every word she had breathed, he would hold dear. She would inspire him and be a part of everything he did from this moment forward. He would do right by her, he would be better, he would put others before himself. He would be brave, just like her.
He reached the top of the tower and watched as Belle was nearing the castle gates.
He would fool himself that she would one day walk right in, and they could be together again. He didn't care when, he didn't care how, he just hoped that she would come back. He didn't know how they could make it work... But they could try. And once he was alone, once he lost all of the servants... He would think and reminisce on everything they did together, everything they had and everything they shared. He would think of what might have been; where he told her how much he loved her when he had the chance. And she would have returned his feelings, breaking the curse and returning him and the servants to their human forms.
He would picture their happy ending. It would help him fight through the pain.
The castle gates swung open and Belle left through them, disappearing into the forest and finally leaving his sight.
Beast stood silently, as the gravity of the situation began to truly sink in. Belle was gone. Who knows how long he would have to wait before she came back. If she came back.
He had lost her... Forever.
Beast collapsed to his knees and began to sob loudly, unable to contain his emotions anymore. He buried his face in his paws as hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he cried. "Don't go." He whimpered. He allowed that wavering sense of selfishness to slip passed his better judgement just for a second.
He lowered his paws and stretched out his arm, reaching out towards the horizon. But it was futile. She was already long gone.
He clenched his paw tightly and lowered his arm. He began to pull off his cravat and held the neckerchief up, allowing it to flutter in the wind. He let go of it, and watched as it was carried away on the breeze, swirling and twirling as it blew away.
He liked to believe that it would be able to reach her somehow.
In reality, it would probably get caught on a tree branch.
He preferred the previous thought. He took off his jacket, and peeled off his waistcoat. They smelt of her. It was faint, but her scent was there. He had a feeling he was going to want to hold onto this... As these were the last clothes he wore before she walked out of his life for good.
He laid the jacket and waistcoat on the floor, leaving him in nothing but his white undershirt and trousers. He just needed a moment to allow his body to breath. He had felt like he was suffocating in all of those layers of clothing.
More tears trickled down his face as he traced his fingers over his jacket. For a moment, in the ballroom, he had held her in his arms, he had carried her. She had trusted him not to let her fall.
He had never wanted to let her go.
He was already starting to miss her, what was he going to do without her?
He... He couldn't go back to being alone. The thought of having no one else in the world was soul crushing.
Beast began to roar in anguish, his cries echoing throughout the castle grounds and beyond the woods. The sound of his sorrow could not reach his lost love.
A/N - I decided that if Beast sung Evermore in written form it wouldn't have the same affect, but I didn't want to cut it out either as it's one of my favourite songs from the movie. So instead I translated the lyrics into his thoughts and made my own version. I hope you liked it. I also decided that he didn't get changed immediately but instead removed his outer layer of clothing later on.
I'm thinking about posting the last three chapters back to back over three days, starting Monday. What do you think? Would you guys like that or do you prefer the schedule as it is?