It had been over a week since I had been to the Grill. Even though I told myself that I was eating there way too often and needed to cut back, I knew the main reason I hadn't gone there was because I was avoiding Matt. But I couldn't evade him forever. So instead of waiting around to "accidentally" bump into him, I went to the Grill one evening, shortly after dinner.

I saw Matt standing behind the bar. I walked over to him. "Hi Matt."

"Hey, Ri." He seemed timid and a little sheepish. I guess he had been avoiding me as much as I was avoiding him.

"Can you spare a moment to talk? I promise I won't yell at you again."

He smirked at that comment. "Yea, sure." Matt turned around and told the bartender that he was going on his break. I went to a table and sat down; Matt followed.

I spoke first. "I'm sorry."

"What? I should be the one apologizing."

"You? No. You merely said something without thinking it through. I was the one who over-reacted."

"No, Ri. You had every right to. I never should have said something like that about Care. It was rude."

"Well, yes it was." We both laughed at that. "I'm not going to argue with your point there."

"I think I was just venting. But it was still wrong."

"Do you have someone to vent to, Matt?" He didn't answer me. "From what C tells me, you're all alone in your house. And if you're not in school or at football practice, you're here. Do you have anyone who you can really talk to?" He still didn't say anything. "You lack of answer tells me 'no.' I know we don't know each other that well, Matt, but you can talk to me. I could be your go-to person for venting." I pointed at myself. "Objective, third-party outsider." I shrugged. "Sort of."

Matt laughed at that. I wasn't sure humour was my intended goal, but I wasn't going to object to seeing him laugh.

"Thank, Ri. I would like someone to talk to. I just—" he sighed, raking his hand through his short blonde hair. "I feel guilty."

"Because of Elena?"

"She's a vampire because of me."

"No, Matt."

"No, Ri, it's true. I was driving. I'm the one who went off the bridge. I should have died, not her. Stefan should have saved her."

"Matt, you didn't purposely drive your truck over the edge of the bridge. And if Elena had let Stefan save her instead of you, you would be dead. You didn't have vampire blood in your system. Elena may be dead, but she's still up and walking around. I don't know her that well, but Elena seems like the type of person who wouldn't let herself be saved before her friends."

"But now she's a vampire."

I shot him a look. "It's not all bad."

"Sorry. I forget, about you, sometimes."

"That's good; I don't need to be broadcasting it. Certainly not in this town."

"I wish vampires had never come back to Mystic Falls."

"But then your lives would be so boring," I said, sarcastically.

"Boring would be good right now." We sat in silence for a few minutes; I guess we were both imagining our lives if vampires hadn't existed. I wouldn't be in Mystic — I'd be with my mom. I was shaken from my thoughts when Matt spoke again. "You make it seem so easy, Ri; I still see Elena struggling, but Care made it sound like you've been a vampire about as long as Elena has."

"I think I have. But I think it's different for every person; each experience is unique."

"You were all alone, when it happened?"

"I was. And that's how I know Elena will get through the rough patches; because she has Stefan and Caroline and Damon to help her."

"And you had no one."

I shrugged. "I managed."

"I don't know why I sometimes forget that you're a vampire; you're obviously very different than any of us 'humans,' " he laughed.

"Am I?"

"It's hard to explain, but it's like you don't announce what you are, but you don't really hide it either. You know what I mean?"

I laughed. "No."

"That's because I'm not explaining it right."

"I'd like to think that what you're seeing is how my view of vampirism differs from the other vampires you hang around with. Stefan, Caroline, now Elena, and even Damon: they're all desperately clinging to their humanity."

"And you're not?"

"I don't think so. I know my human existence is gone. I've accepted that. I'm not giving myself over to the bloodlust and the darker side of being a vampire, but I'm not trying to pretend that I'm still human." I put my hand out in front of me. "Not that there is anything wrong with a vampire who holds on to his or her humanity; it just isn't the appropriate way for me to live. Or exist. Or whatever state of being I am currently in." I sighed. "I like to think of myself as a more humane vampire, I suppose."

"Do you… drink… from humans?" I could tell Matt wasn't sure how to word the question.

I smiled at his uncertainty. "No. But I'm not denying what I have become. I can't help what I am."

Matt nodded. "I get that." I'm not sure he could understand; I'm not sure any human could understand. "I should get back to work."

"Right. I'll see you around."

"Yea," he stood up and took a step towards the bar before turning back around. "Ri? Thanks. For the talk. And for the honesty."

"No problem, Matt. Seriously, any time." He nodded and gave me a smile.

As Matt walked away, someone else sat down in his recently-vacated seat.

"Hello, love," the accented voice said.

"Hello, Klaus."

"Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?"

"Not hanging on to your humanity."

"I meant it when I said I'm not denying what I have become. I'm only keeping up the appearances of being human until my 18th birthday passes."

"Why?"

"Because it's easier to pretend until I come of age and can leave on my own than to fight or avoid the fact that Aunt Liz has been named my guardian until I'm 18."

"You could just leave."

"I could, but I won't. Caroline and Aunt Liz are my family. They're all I have left. And this town really isn't so bad."

"Come over for dinner again. Tomorrow night?"

I was surprised by his sudden change of subject, but I said "sure."

"Perfect. See you then, love."

As I left the Grill a few moments later, I waved to Matt, feeling as though I had formed the beginnings of a new friendship with him. Odd how I came to town wanting nothing to do with the people of Mystic Falls — I just wanted to finish high school, turn 18, and leave — and now I'm willingly opening lines of communication and offering to be someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on.

I don't know what I was expecting when I walked into Klaus's dining room the following evening, but this was definitely not it. I saw two people standing in the dining room, seemingly waiting for us. The man was in his late 20s, tall, and had light brown hair. The woman was a tall blonde in her mid20s.

"Instead of making dinner tonight, love, I have provided it," Klaus said as he entered the room right behind me and walked past the place where I had stopped.

" 'Provided'?" The realization of what he meant nearly made me sick. "What?"

Instead of answering, Klaus sank his fangs into the blonde's neck. It brought tears to my eyes, watching him drink her dry and then toss her body aside.

"You said you are no longer holding onto you humanity, Riley. Here's your chance to prove that." His eyes were still red and his fangs were still out as he walked over to the man.

"You heard my view of my humanity and you have these people here to, what, test me?"

Klaus bit into the man's neck, but didn't drink. "You either drink from him, love, or I'll snap his neck; either way, he dies." I could hardly hear Klaus, though; the smell of blood was filling the air. I tried to resist. But I felt my fangs protrude and bloodlust just took over. Before I could fully comprehend what I was doing or feeling, I was standing in front of Klaus, drinking from this man.

I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. The taste was unimaginably good. It was exhilarating. I didn't mean to, but soon he passed out in my arms. He was dead.

I let his body fall from my arms as realization set in. I looked back down and the body by my feet, at the person I killed. "No. No no no no no no no no no no," I moaned and tried to run my fingers through my hair when I realized my hands were covered in blood.

I was staring at my bloody hands when Klaus came at me; he pushed me so I end up with my back against the wall and Klaus's chest up close against mine. He spoke softly, but his tone was menacing. "They're such a burden to carry around, feelings. They make me sick. How about I help relieve you of those petty little human emotions of yours so you can truly embrace your vampirism? You'll thank me for it later."

I managed to push him away from me, but I think that's because he let me. "Over my dead body," I spat at him before running out of the house. It wasn't until the wind from the motion of me running hit my face that I realized I was crying.

I only made it to the edge of the forest that surrounds the Mikaelson mansion before Klaus grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"Let me go."

"Riley." Klaus seemed taken aback at my tears.

"How could you! I didn't want this. I just killed a man! He was innocent and I killed him. I drained the life out of him. What about his family? The people who loved him. They'll never know what happened. I'm a murdered." I fell to my knees; Klaus was still holding my wrist.

"It's how we are, love. It's who we are."

His words woke me from my temporary stupor. I stood up. "No," I pulled my wrist free from his grasp. "It may be in a vampire's instincts to kill, but that doesn't mean we have to encourage it or let the thirst control us."

"Don't be a hypocrite."

"That can't be the only way for vampires to live. I refuse to believe we can only be monsters. I didn't ask for any of this, but I refuse to believe that there is no other way to live."

I ran home as fast as I could.

I arrived at home to find Tyler standing on the front porch.

He turned around when he heard my footsteps. "You've had fun tonight" he said with a smirk as he walked towards me. He obviously noticed the blood on my hands. And probably in my hair. I didn't respond; I just walked past him to the front door. All I wanted to do was run into the shower.

"Where's Caroline?" Tyler asked as I got to the top of the porch steps.

I turned around to look at him; he was standing slightly below me, down on the walkway. "I'm clearly just arriving home, Tyler. How should I know?" I wondered if I sounded as drained as I felt.

"So you two aren't as close as you thought, huh?"

"I guess she just doesn't feel the need to outline in detail her entire day to me."

"That's exactly what I mean; this is Caroline we're talking about."

I shook my head. "She details her entire day to me after it has happened, Tyler. Not before."

Tyler paused, as if trying to come up with a good comeback. "Where's Klaus this evening?"

Ugh, not a topic I want to discuss. But I'm not about to let Tyler know this. "Why? Are your sire bonds tugging?"

He glared at me. I rolled my eyes. "He's at home, probably. I don't know. But he's clearly not here."

"Trouble in paradise?" He smirked.

"We're friends; that doesn't mean we're inseparable."

Although at this point, even I was beginning to question the validity of the first part of that statement.

The next day at school, Rebekah sat down at my lunch table. This was not too surprising; she'd (or "we'd," perhaps) gotten into the habit of spending two or three of her days having lunch at my table, instead of at the one where the other cheerleaders sat. I enjoyed her company, but Jeremy never stayed too long once Rebekah sat down. Today, however, Rebekah had come to the table before Jeremy arrived, so I didn't have to see his dramatic glare before he walked away from Rebekah.

Honestly, I was grateful to see Rebekah at that very moment; for some reason, it is easier for me to control my bloodlust when another vampire is around. And at times today, I felt like I could barely hold myself together in a building full of humans.

"So I came home yesterday to find two bodies lying in my living room."

I stiffened. Why did she have to immediately mention that?! "I don't wanna talk about it, Rebekah."

"What happened with you and Nik last night?"

"I said I don't want to talk about Klaus."

She paused for a moment, then spoke again. "You know, I used to think it would be your cousin who would bring Nik's humanity back."

"Rebekah—"

"No, Riley. Hear me out." When I didn't argue, she continued. "Nik fancied Caroline, and I thought she might be the one to break through to him. But I see now how wrong I was. The way he used to look at her pales in comparison with the way he looks at you. I know it may be hard to see, but you have already broken through many of his walls."

I shook my head in disagreement. "The harder I fight to break down his walls, the stronger he pushes back to reinforce them."

"Nik is just acting out and trying to push you away."

"Trust me; he's doing a very good job."

"It's because he's scared, Riley; he's never had to deal with emotions like these before."

I looked at Rebekah with raised eyebrows. "He's never had a friend before?"

Rebekah gave me an 'oh please' look. "I can tell when you're lying, Riley. We both know you and Nik are more than friends."

Klaus came by that evening. I, of course, was the only one at home. I saw it was him before I got to the door, and part of me wanted to ignore him, but I opened the door anyway. Only a tiny bit, though.

"What do you want?"

"Wonderful manners, sweetheart. Aren't you going to let me in?"

"You don't deserve manners. Or an invitation inside."

"I don't actually need to be let in, love."

"I know, but I'm trusting you to be a gentleman and respect my wishes." He didn't seem to know how to respond to that. "What were you trying to prove by that little stunt last night?"

"That you can't change me."

"And when have I ever said that I wanted to?"

"Everyone does. The Salvatores. The doppelganger. Caroline. Her mutt."

"If anything, last night seemed more like you trying to change me." When he didn't say anything, I continued. "I have never said, not once, that I wanted you to change. I happen to like you as you are. And I can't believe I have to state the obvious: I'm not Caroline! I may live with her now. And we may be related. But I am not her. And if you can't see that, then you need to get out of here." I didn't bother waiting for him to respond before I slammed the door shut.

"And where did you disappear to?" Rebekah asked Klaus. She was standing at the top of the staircase and he had just entered the front door.

"I had some business to attend to," he replied, not looking at his sister. He had just come from Riley's house, where she had slammed the door shut in his face. He was angry, and speaking to Rebekah right now would not improve anything.

She pursed her lips. "Your precious loner new-girl still declining your advances?" He glanced up at her, narrowing his eyes. She smirked as he began walking to the living room. "I'll take that as a yes."

Klaus turned back to face Rebekah again. "I thought the two of you are becoming friends?"

"We are. But that does not change the fact that she is still a loner and the new kid at school." Rebekah came down the steps to stand at eye level with Klaus. "That was quite the sight I came home to in the dining room last night."

Klaus clenched his jaw. "It was an experiment."

Rebekah scoffed. "Well, I'd say the test subjects didn't survive."

"They weren't the test subjects; they were merely supplies."

"Why were you testing her?" When Klaus didn't answer, Rebekah glared at him with her hands on her hips. "Don't be an idiot, Nik. You have to fix whatever it is that you have just done, or you will lose her."