I do not own Twilight.
Just a little something to hold you over while I write up the next few chapters. :)
High school: Fall of Junior year
"Do you remember your dad at all?"
I glance over at Edward from where he is lying beside me in the bed of one of the trucks his dad had fixed up. The dark blue blanket beneath us is slightly scratchy, but I find myself caring less and less as the night goes on.
We're under the stars, staring into the night sky in the middle of a field that Edward had told me about in the middle of the week. He had asked me to come with him some night and I had whole-heartedly and, probably a little too enthusiastically (Alice told me to play it coy), agreed.
"A little," I answer his question, staring at his profile. He is so unbelievably gorgeous. It almost hurts to look at him.
I turn back to stare at the sky before I do something stupid, like touch him.
"I was pretty young when he died, so I think my memories are just things my mom has told me."
I can see Edward nod out of the corner of my eye and then his head is turning and his brilliant green eyes are drilling a hole into the side of my face. I'm grateful for the dark atmosphere, because it means he can't see the blush that is slowly creeping up my cheeks.
He stares for a while as I busy myself with counting stars, and then he's looking straight up, too.
"They always seem different," he says contemplatively, and I look over at him again.
"The stars?"
He shakes his head.
"The memories. It's like, they were different people when we were younger. Or, maybe, we get older and wiser; we can see through the cracks. Their lives aren't so amazing to us anymore."
I don't answer, mainly because I don't know what to say. By the time, he looks over at me, I'm biting down on my lip, my eyes roaming his features. It's too dark to see the exact shade of green his eyes are, but if the darting of his eyes from my lips back to my gaze is any giveaway, I'd say they were the color of a forest at dusk.
Now I'm thinking about kissing him, and that's not good because I don't even know if he likes me like that, but I'm already in deep water because I definitely, without a doubt, do like him like that.
"You think your parents were different back then?" I ask, because I need to keep him talking.
His eyes flicker back to mine from lower on my face and I know Alice would be kicking me right now for not at least trying to flirt.
There's some emotion that flits through his eyes when he answers, "Yeah. Time changes things, I guess."
I can't pinpoint the emotion, but the tone is conclusive. I don't really know much about his parents besides the fact that his mother is a nurse and his father works out of a mechanic shop in their backyard. I've never been, but I've been told by Alice, who knows because of Jasper, that they have at least a dozen cars there.
Apparently, it's the place to go for a quick and cheap fixup.
I wonder how long it will take me to find something wrong with my car; to bring it in just to get a chance to see Edward.
"Do you miss your dad?"
His question surprises me, not because it is a strange question to ask of someone who has lost a family member, but because most people would stray from this topic. Of course, there's the normal and natural, "I'm sorry to hear that," but never anything further. I rather like it that way, because I honestly don't know how to answer his question.
"Sorry," he says after a few seconds. "That's a stupid question."
"No," I say, shaking my head. "I'm just trying to think of a way to phrase it so it doesn't sound…horrible."
The smile I receive as an award has my heart jumping into my throat.
"Say whatever you feel and I'll try to piece it together," he suggests.
I take a breath.
"Of course, I miss him, in ways. More so for my mom's sake, or my grandma and aunt's sake. Like I said, I don't really remember him, so I'm not…depressed with his loss. Yes, I'd like for my birth father to be alive, but I know that where he is, is where he is happiest, wherever that may be."
Edward is nodding again and I'm studying the sky like it can give me the confusing answers I'm looking for.
"Do you believe in heaven?" he asks suddenly, but less as an assurance that I do believe, and more as plain curiosity in what I believe.
I glance over at him, tracing the slight curl to his hair with my eyes.
"I think there's something after this life," I answer. "Whether that be heaven and hell, or another life, or even just a blank room without sound or stimulation, it's hard to believe this is just…it." I pause and then look up towards the object of our discussion. "I'd like to believe there's something else."
Edward hums quietly in response and I reciprocate, the curiosity getting the better of me. I think I am plain; black and white. Edward is like an enigma. I want to know everything about him.
"What about you?"
He looks over at me and I look back and we lay like that for a while, green and brown relating in the night.
"I used to not believe in any of it," he answers after a while. "But now…I'm not so sure."
He moves his arm until his fingers brush against my wrist, curling gently around the thin structure and it's the first time he's touched me purposefully like this; the first time he's caressed me and I can feel my pulse increasing, the blood in my body heating up at the feeling of his fingers, smooth and warm despite the chill to the air, brushing over my inner wrist.
"Because," he continues, searching my eyes as his fingers search my lifeline, "how can there just be nothing for people like you?"