I do not own Twilight.
Sorry for not updating; I've had a few graduations to attend this weekend, but I'm working through them :)
Beth is waiting impatiently in the room while I take a tissue to my eyes. Mike and Emmett have retreated to the parking lot, doing god knows what, and I stand in the whitewashed room with another guard.
"I think, if you're up for it, it's best to continue the session with just the two of you," Beth says and for a wild second I think she means just Edward and I alone. My stomach twists at the thought, at the mere notion of having to face him by myself. "I'll guide you along as best as I can, but he's in a bit of a fragile state at the moment."
She doesn't have to say the state he is in is because of me.
The relief that pours through me at the knowledge that she still plans on staying in the room confuses me. Half an hour before, I would have been overjoyed with the idea of her sitting out; now, not so much. I realize she's like a buffer; a professional, knows-what-to-say buffer.
And I think we need a buffer.
I nod and then sigh. "Okay," I say and start for the door. Beth stops me with a hand on my shoulder.
Her blues eyes are fierce behind their lenses. I notice a curl of hair has fallen out of her perfectly placed bun. "I'm going to say this once, Bella, and I know you won't appreciate it, but…"
She lets her hand drop, probably because of the look of panic I'm giving her. I don't know what she is going to say, but I know it'll keep me up at night.
Her mouth turns down. "You really need to figure out what you want here. This back and forth is what confuses Edward, and that's not what he needs right now."
I'm frozen in place, my hand outstretched towards the doorknob.
"What back and forth?" I demand.
She looks at me like I'm dense.
"Telling him you didn't want your boyfriend to come today," she says. "You give him false hope."
I'm chewing a hole through the inside of my cheek because I don't know what to say.
"I didn't…I mean," I pause and think about what I've said to him; what she's said to me. I let out a breath. "I didn't mean in that way. I didn't want Mike to come because I didn't want them around each other."
Beth nods, but I can still see the uncertainty in her expression. "You and I might understand that, but he doesn't. He's a very emotional man, Bella."
I'm irrationally angry that she thinks this is news to me.
"Yes," I say and my words come out a little angrier than necessary. "I know all about his emotions. I've been surrounded by them for three years and trying to protect myself from them for another two."
"Have you moved on, Bella?" she asks directly, ignoring my retort. My heart races a little faster.
"He's the first boy I've ever loved," I say.
I'm not sure if it's an answer to her question.
And, if it is, I don't know which direction the answer took.